


Fade Into You

by sailorchiron



Series: And the Reason is You [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Child Abuse, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-27 13:37:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 264,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20761235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorchiron/pseuds/sailorchiron
Summary: What if Michael hadn't gotten back to Roswell?What if Alex got a full ride to UNM too?What if they ended up roommates?What would happen?





	1. That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed For Me)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, welcome to my college AU that I introduced during Michael Guerin Week 2019 on tumblr. TW for mentions of canon-compliant past child abuse. This is still in progress, so I don't know the final chapter count. I'll try to post every week to 10 days, but my muggle job can make things a little unpredictable. You can follow me on tumblr for updates and random Malex fanart.
> 
> Fic title: Fade Into You - Mazzy Star

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/48817825321/in/dateposted-public/)

Steam and condensation obscured his reflection in the bathroom mirror, and Alex swiped at it with his towel. He eyed himself critically, looking at his thin, bruised body; his dark hair and eyes, reminiscent of his mother; the face his friends had labeled ‘sweet’ and his brothers had labeled ‘girly’. He decided his arms would be fine in short sleeves, but that the bruise on his ribs would mean not changing in front of his roommate for a while. A baseball bat did a lot of damage, and the cracked ribs were healing, but his entire right side was still black and blue. Curious, he turned around and craned his neck to see his thighs in the mirror, hissing about how bad it hurt to twist. The welts were almost gone, and they hadn’t bled, so he didn’t think they’d scar.

A check of his phone showed him that it was 5:38, leaving him just enough time to gel his hair, brush his teeth, and get dressed before he was expected to be at parade rest with his backpack by the front door. The Jeep was already packed with literal military precision with everything he was taking aside from his toiletries and clothes from yesterday. 

Alex had planned his appearance for the day carefully. He was wearing clothes that he thought of as too big, which equaled ‘less gay’ to avoid attention from his father. Plain black shirt, plain blue jeans, plain black Chucks. No jewelry other than piercings. Definitely no eyeliner. The only hint of personality he had were his alien socks, a tribute to Roswell that he was taking with him to Albuquerque. He shoved everything he had left in his backpack, including the book he’d been reading the night before. He wasn’t the bookworm that Max Evans was, but he did enjoy reading as an escape.

He arrived at his assigned post by the door ahead of schedule and stood silently with his backpack at his feet. He didn’t fidget or look at his phone. He didn’t bite his freshly un-polished nails. He just stood still. Best way to avoid any new bruises his first week at UNM.

At precisely 6:00, Jesse Manes emerged from the kitchen, travel cup of coffee in his hand. He was dressed in casual clothes, but they might as well still be BDUs. Alex had never seen his father relaxed, even out of uniform. Not even when he was drinking. When he indicated that Alex should move with a sharp jerk of his head, he grabbed his backpack and hastened to open the front door and stand on the porch while his father walked through and locked the house. No one else was home, all three of his older brothers were currently deployed, and his mother had long-since disappeared. The pain had faded in the intervening years, and he only cried now when he was in too much agony to feel anything but her holding him as a terrified first grader who’d been corrected with a belt to his backside for losing his lunchbox.

When his father unlocked the car, Alex stowed his backpack behind the passenger seat before buckling himself in. He prayed to a god he didn’t really believe in that he’d manage to be ignored for the next three hours. He’d been surprised when his father had agreed to take him to school, rather than leaving him to fend for himself out of punishment for taking a scholarship to UNM instead of enlisting, but he'd realized it was because he just couldn’t wait to be rid of him. 

They were silent for at least 15 tense minutes before Alex finally relaxed a little. His father turned on the radio to a conservative news station that he could easily tune out. He’d never listened to music in the car as far as he knew; his and his brothers’ love of music had been inherited from their mother. He and his oldest brother, Flint, each had one of her guitars. He remembered a few rare soft moments when Flint, who’d been finishing his senior year in high school when their mother had left, helping with the fingering his mother had taught him but wasn’t possible with his little eight-year-old hands. 

Alex started when his father broke the silence. “What dorm are you in?”

“Laguna De Vargas.”

They lapsed back into tense quiet. When the buildings of Albuquerque came into view, Alex breathed a quiet sigh of relief. UNM was right in the middle of the city, and there was always traffic, but still. They were almost there. 

The campus was beautiful, in a southwestern way. Alex had seen it already, when his best friend Maria’s mother had driven them to the freshman pre-registration event. He was relieved that he’d already have a friend at school on the first day. Just a little stability, that’s all he needed.

“This it?”

Alex looked through the windshield at freedom in the form of pueblo-style architecture. “Yah.”

As soon as his father parked, he was out of the Jeep. “I have to do a check in thing.”

“Do it.”

He nodded quickly and walked up the shallow stairs to the entry of the main hall. There was a desk with a student assistant, and he approached with about half the confidence he was showing with his body language. “Hi, I have an early check in for today.”

The pretty blonde smiled. “Sure. What’s your name?”

“Alexander Manes.”

She consulted a clipboard. “Great, you’re in 214 in Laguna 1. I’ll call your RA.”

The entire time Alex was talking to the resident assistant and signing forms, in the back of his mind he was worried about leaving his belongings, especially his guitar, with his father. _He won’t make a scene,_ he assured himself. Destroying all his stuff would definitely cause a scene.

Room 214 was exactly as he pictured it. Two lofted beds with desks beneath, two closets, a shared dresser, small fridge/microwave combo, small bathroom that connected to the double room on the other side of the suite. Plain cream-colored walls, plain grey carpet. One window. To anyone else, it was a dorm room. To Alex, it was a sanctuary.

Keys in hand, he took the stairs down to the lobby. There was an elevator, though, and since it was a week before the actual move-in week, there were flat-bed dollies waiting for students to cart the material evidence of their short lives into the tiny shared rooms.

Alex was surprised to see that his father had unloaded his boxes and bags. “Oh, thanks, Dad.” He felt warm from the nice gesture. His dad wasn’t _always_ bad. 

“Let’s load this.” 

With the dolly loaded, Alex only had to carry his guitar, backpack left in his room. He started pushing the dolly to the ramp by the front doors and heard his father snort. He had no idea what he was doing that was amusing or embarrassing, but he was embarrassed anyway. Pushing the heavy cart _hurt._ He refused to show it.

Alex was dreading being trapped in the elevator with his father, but to his relief, three other students were going upstairs, and their cheerful conversation kept him from being the focus of his father’s attention. When they exited on floor two, they all said goodbye to him, and he heard a whisper about his butt as they went down the hall. He blushed and didn’t look at his dad.

He let himself into the small room. It took less than five minutes to stack everything he owned on the side of the room with the door to the hall. His father turned to leave without speaking, and he followed him down the hall to the elevator. He left the dolly with the SA and followed his father outside. “Dad, wait.”

Jesse Manes turned around, face as expressionless as ever. He raised an eyebrow.

“Thanks for helping me. I appreciate it.”

He just stood there for a moment before saying, “Behave yourself, son,” and walking away. Alex had had some vague idea about getting a hug, or at least a handshake from his only parent before he started college. He had clearly been deluded. He waited on the steps until he couldn’t see the black Jeep anymore before going inside. 

He refused to cry. 

Back in his room, he looked at the boxes and bags, knowing his laptop (inherited from Chris when he wanted one that was better for gaming) was in there somewhere. He kind of wanted to listen to music, but also kind of didn’t want to try to get to it. “I should get iPhone speakers,” he mumbled to himself. Sighing, he decided to just start with the top box and unpack what was in it first.

It was sheets, towels, and blankets. Maria had teased him about how emo was over when he picked out black. She didn’t understand. He already had black sheets but needed new ones. _Blood doesn’t show on black sheets._ Besides, emo was _not_ dead, thank you very much. And they hadn’t had black towels, so he’d gotten gray. Mimi had insisted that he take a second set of sheets and towels, and an extra blanket and pillow with him. He left those in the box, put his towels away, and made his bed.

A little smile crept onto his face. This was his space. He could do what he wanted with it. He ripped into the next box and found the poster tube he’d hidden in it under clothes. The upside of having two part time jobs over the summer was that he could buy stuff for school, including posters for his room. He rooted around through the other stuff and found the bag full of office supplies and dumped it on the desk to look for the poster tac. Opening the tube, he carefully slid all the rolled posters out, and separated them enough to decide which one to hang up first, over the head of his bed. It wasn’t a choice, really. My Chemical Romance. _Of course._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesse Manes is a first-class asshole and deserves to be drop-kicked into a fucking volcano. Alex is in room 214 because a) that's my apartment number, b) it's Valentine's Day, and c) it's Chris Giacometti's birthday in Yuri On Ice and he's my favorite character. Stay tuned for Chapter 2!
> 
> Chapter Title: That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed For Me) - Panic at the Disco


	2. Hey There Delilah

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/48817464608/in/dateposted-public/)

There had been a lot of bad times in Michael Guerin’s life. Some good times, sure, but not a lot. Checking into his dorm room turned out to be an unexpected pleasure. 

When the RA opened the door, he was staring straight at the very nice ass of a guy hanging up a poster on the wall above his bed. Of course, he jumped a mile and almost fell off the bed, but hell, that was one fine ass.

“Hey, Alex, meet your roommate, Michael.”

Michael watched as his roommate jumped down from the bed with a slight wince to shake his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Same,” he answered with a slow smile. He looked just as good from the front. “Sorry we scared you.”

He waved it off. “No problem, I’m jumpy, not your fault.”

Michael signed what he was supposed to sign, took the handbook he’d never read, and gave Carlos a lazy fist bump as he left the room. He surveyed Alex’s side of the room. He’d obviously arrived a couple minutes ago, and sort of unpacked haphazardly. A poster tube was open across the desk, and a variety of office supplies and what looked like make up were scattered across it. Several boxes were open but still packed, like he’d been looking for something. He spotted one detail right away.

“Well, fuck, I forgot about sheets.”

Alex looked at him with that too-cute face. “Oh, you can use some of mine.” He moved his skateboard before it fell over, and reached into a box and pulled out a set of white sheets with thin blue stripes. “Here.”

“Nah, man, it’s cool.”

Alex raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you _really_ want to sleep on a dorm mattress without sheets? I don’t even like these.”

As much as he hated charity, he hated filth more. He’d spent too much of his life dirty to choose that option. “Thanks.” He watched Alex bend over into another box and not-so-subtly checked out his ass. Initial impressions did not lie. He came back up with a blue blanket. “Here you can use this blanket, too. I have an extra pillow if you want it.”

“I won’t say no.” He connected a few dots. Black clothes. Black sheets. Piercings. My Chemical Romance poster. _This dude is so emo._ But he seemed nice so far, and he was hot. Not a bad combo. 

Alex was quietly losing his mind as he pulled his third pillow (stolen from his brother’s bed) down and handed it to Michael. Michael, who was so fucking hot he was going to _die._ Michael, with his sun-kissed golden-brown curls and soft brown eyes and lazy smile. Michael in a thrift-store-vintage Dr Pepper shirt and faded baggy jeans and brown Chucks that looked like they’d seen a thousand miles. “Here. Compliments of my brother Evan.”

Michael chuckled, a low, lazy sound that had a strange effect on his stomach. “He won’t be missing it?”

“Nah, he’s in Iraq.”

“Air Force?”

Alex nodded. “All three of my brothers. And my dad.”

“Not to shit on your family, but you made a better choice, dude. Much less likely to lose a leg in Albuquerque.”

Startled by Michael’s blunt honesty, Alex laughed. “Tell my dad that.”

Michael cocked his head to the side in a lazy denial. “Nah, doesn’t sound like a guy I wanna talk to.”

“Same here.” Alex shook his head. “He’s an asshole.”

More dots connected. “He doesn’t appreciate your style, I take it?” Tight clothes were a damn fine style.

Alex laughed mirthlessly. “I’ve been reliably informed that I’m a disappointment.” _ Except, of course, for my usefulness as a punching bag._

“Reason you moved in early?”

“Yep. You?”

Michael tried to look breezy and unconcerned. Tried. “Last place kicked me out when I turned 18.” Alex’s face showed a combination of confusion and concern. “I grew up in New Mexico’s exemplary foster care system.” He watched understanding dawn on his face, but no pity. He didn’t need pity and was happy not to see it.

Alex raised a fist. “To shitty childhoods.”

Michael knocked his knuckles lightly. “To shitty fucking childhoods.” He smiled a wry smile that held little humor.

Alex shared an identical smile. “Anyway, I’m guessing you don’t have towels, either?”

“Shit.”

Alex laughed and went back into the box with the blanket. “Here, more blue.”

“Are yours black?”

“Grey. They’re in the bathroom already.”

“What, they didn’t have black?” he teased and grinned when Alex blushed.

“Shut up.”

Michael wandered into the small bathroom, which was palatial in his opinion. Unlimited showers any time of the day or night. He hung the blue towels next to Alex’s grey ones. He peeked around the shower curtain to see soap and shampoo. “Well, fuck.” Alex must have heard him because he yelled, “You can use mine.”

He had never met anyone as nice as this guy. “I can buy my own soap once I figure out how to get to my scholarship and grant money.”

Alex looked over his shoulder from where he was carefully pulling a poster away from the colorful, curled pages. “Do you have a bank account? They’ll charge your tuition and housing then disperse the rest to your bank.”

“Ah, that would be a no.” _Never had any money to put in a bank account. Just because you have a job doesn’t mean you actually get paid for doing it._ “I have a couple of smallish checks from awards that got handed to me that I don’t know how to cash.”

“Like, how much?”

Michael dug into his battered backpack to pull out his carefully hidden checks. “Ranging from $250 to $1000.” More money than he’d ever seen in his lifetime. 

Alex set the poster down. “If you trust me, you can sign the smallest one over to me and I’ll cash it against the money in my account. You can open an account with those checks.”

“Wouldn’t I need something like a credit check or a cosigner or something?”

“No, just money and a driver’s license, basically. With all the college students I’m sure banks hand out student accounts pretty easily.”

Michael wondered why getting and keeping a checking account seemed to be such a problem for the people he’d lived with over the years if it was really that easy. “Shit. Had no idea.”

Alex laughed. Michael’s manner of speaking kept catching him off guard. “I don’t have a car, so I can’t take you to the bank like right now.”

“No, man, you’re busy. But I do have a truck, so we can go anytime. Thank you.” 

The smile Alex gave him warmed him from his head to his toes. _I’m fucked._ He watched him throw the poster on the bed and climb up stiffly. “Which band this time?”

“Green Day.”

“Dude, you can’t have had an American Idiot poster in your room at home with a military dad.”

Alex laughed. “I didn’t have any posters in my room, they weren’t allowed.”

Michael unrolled the other posters. Panic at the Disco, Fall Out Boy, and All Time Low. “Alex, dude, we gotta help you branch out in music past pop punk.” He listened to the other boy laugh. “There’s a whole world of songs that aren’t about teenage angst.”

“Shut up,” Alex defended, laughing. “I like it. I do listen to other stuff, too.”

“Maybe I should get some posters for my side. What do you think, vintage country music stars? Muscle cars? Pin up girls?” He laughed at the skeptical look his roommate threw over his shoulder. “What?”

“Well, I can’t tell you what to put up on your walls, I guess.” Alex carefully turned around on his knees. “Hand me Panic and some more poster tac.” 

Michael separated the requested poster from the others. “What does this guy look like without makeup on? I’ve never seen a video where he’s not in makeup.”

“Brendan Urie? He’s normal looking.” _Really hot, actually._ “Kinda pretty.” He took the poster carefully. 

“I can see that.” He moved back enough to see Alex’s efforts. His shirt had come up a little and Michael enjoyed the peek at his skin. “I suppose I could unpack my own stuff.”

“Do you need hangers for your clothes? I put a bunch in my closet if you want some.”

“Damn it, Alex, stop being so fucking nice.”

Alex smiled to himself. He really, really, liked Michael. “My best friend’s mom took me shopping and made me buy too much of everything. She said someone would need it and that I’d be happy to share it.” 

“Is she psychic?”

Alex turned around on the bed so he could gauge Michael’s reaction. “Yah, actually.”

Michael considered Alex’s answer. And his no-nonsense attitude. He genuinely believed in psychic powers. _Stranger things have happened, I guess._ “Anything else she told you?”

Alex smiled and carefully slid off the bed. “She’s told me lots of little things over the years, not all of them have come true, but she says that our actions today can change the future that she sees.” He held up his right hand. “According to Mimi, my love line is ridiculous, and I’ll have one true love until I die.”

“Dude, I wonder what my love line says,” Michael laughed. They compared palms. “Mine looks the same as yours, man. I don’t know if I can buy into that or just assume that that line looks the same on everybody’s hand.”

Alex laughed. “Maria, that’s my best friend, she’s psychic too.”

Michael looked skeptical.

Alex shook his head. “Just wait.”

“I’ll reserve judgement.” Michael couldn’t help but be taken in by those dark eyes sparkling. _I’d kiss him in a second._ “Is she coming here?”

“Yah, but she doesn’t have a parent to escape so she’s coming next week with everyone else.”

“That’s cool.” He picked up the sheets he’d put on the desk chair. “I’m just gonna make the bed and put my clothes away.”

“Okay, yah, don’t let me bother you.”

“Oh, you’re not a bother,” Michael drawled. Flirting came as easy as breathing. He thought Alex looked adorable flustered.

“Oh, okay. I’ll, just. Yah.” 

Was Michael _flirting_ with him? No. Not possible.

Alex quickly busied himself with separating the makeup he’d hidden in his office supplies from the actual office supplies and putting them in the desk drawers. 

Michael looked at his back for a second. _Huh._ Shaking his head with a smile, he went about putting the blue and white sheets on the bed. It was going to feel amazing to sleep in a real bed with clean sheets tonight. He saw Alex climb back on his bed with another poster out of the corner of his eye. _I’m going to have to personalize my side of the room._ He’d never had a room to personalize, should be fun. Alex seemed to have an awfully hard time getting on the bed, though. 

Alex was still on his bed when Michael pulled his meager wardrobe out of the bags he’d packed. He supposed his jeans and shirts could go on hangers but looked at the dresser for his underwear and socks. He called out, “Top or bottom?”

_“What?!”_

Michael looked up; his expression mild in the face of Alex’s strangled yelp. “The dresser. Top drawers or bottom drawers?”

Alex tried to control his heart rate. “Oh, uh, I don’t care.”

“K, I’ll take the top then.” He watched Alex whip back around, and more dots connected. Michael stuffed his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing. _He’s gay. Not just emo._ The implications of his innocent question cracked him the fuck up. _God what did that sound like? Shit._ That did make things more interesting though. He decided not to say anything. _ I’ll let him tell me._

_Jesus Christ, Manes, what the fuck did you think he was asking? _Alex felt stupid, so very stupid, for reacting like that, and now his ribs _really_ hurt. _Now he’s going to think I’m weird._ He didn’t know how to broach the topic of sexuality, and kinda felt like it was too soon to judge how Michael might react? _I don’t think he meant to sound like he was flirting._ He seemed like an easy-going guy so far, but he really had no reason to trust him beyond him being funny and cute. And Alex had spent too many years getting beat on by his father, brothers, and homophobes at school to trust a guy just because he was ‘funny’ and ‘cute’. He was cautiously optimistic that they could be friends. He’d leave it there.

“Do you care if I take a shower?”

Alex looked over from beside the bed, where he was putting up his last poster. “No, course not. That box,” he pointed, “has washcloths in it.” 

“I told you to stop being so nice,” Michael teased as he pulled the stack out of the box. “No black in these, either?”

“Do you want me to throw something at you? Because I can.”

Michael laughed. “Save your pitching arm, I get _way_ more annoying.” He grabbed fresh clothes and went to the bathroom as Alex laughed.

While the water was warming up, Michael stripped off his clothes; he’d worn them the day before and slept in them, not wanting to have any dirty laundry when he got to campus. He’d been sleeping in his truck for a couple weeks now, hadn’t felt like he’d gotten clean enough in ages. 

The shower was small, and it wasn’t too bright inside with the curtain closed, but the water pressure was amazing. He just stood under the spray for a while, letting the heat soak into his bones, letting every single molecule of dust in his hair wash down the drain. He let the cascading droplets wash away the bravado that had gotten him through all of the strangers he’d met today while passing for normal. After what felt like an hour, but was probably five minutes or so, he grabbed Alex’s shampoo and worked it into his hair. It smelled good, but not what he’d prefer, so he planned to get his own. One of his ‘moms’ had gotten him special shampoo for his tangled curls, and getting nice shampoo when he could was a small ‘good’ memory. Alex’s conditioner was for fine hair, not curls, and oh boy, his hair was not going to like that. Not that he minded, really, he was used to making do. Small problem compared to the rest of his life.

“Alex, what the fuck.” His soap was _lavender._ Who wanted to smell like lavender? Apparently Alex wanted to smell like lavender. He laughed to himself and added _real soap_ to his mental shopping list.

Even once he was clean, he stood under the water, absorbing the reality that, as long as he didn’t fuck things up too badly, he could have a roof over his head, plumbing, food, and possibly even friends. He wanted Alex for a friend, a real friend, that he could talk to. Wasn’t that what movies said college roommates were? Best friends? Who shared their secrets and supported each other? Because he had secrets that were heavy on his shoulders 100% of the time.

To emphasize his point (if only to himself), Michael turned off the water without touching the knobs on the wall. Opened the shower curtain. Stepped out onto the mat (grey, obviously), and grabbed his towels. Telekinesis. Alex had professed to believe in psychic powers. Could he share this with someone, _finally?_ Maybe _explore_ why he was a fucking weirdo? 

_Don’t go there, Guerin. You have no reason to trust this guy beyond him being cute and helpful._ There were plenty of cute, helpful people out there that fucking sucked. He was pretty sure that described 60% of the people he’d spent his childhood with. The other 40% hadn’t been cute or helpful. They’d just sucked.

Sighing, he replaced the towels, hanging the damp washcloth over the towel bar. He’d remembered to bring his comb in with him, and slowly, carefully worked it through his hair. Alex’s conditioner was probably going to make it extra fluffy, but it was _clean._

He stood in front of the mirror for a few minutes, taking stock of his body. He was a little too thin right now by his own standards, but he didn’t look half-starved, which had been the kindest words one of the child welfare people had had for him once. The burns on his arms barely showed anymore, and he healed fairly well from cuts without scarring. Of course, he knew there were marks on his back, but he didn’t have to look at them, at least. Not for the first time, he wondered what had happened to the two other kids he’d been found with. _I hope they’re okay._ Michael thought about them all the time. He wondered if they had found families, what their names were, if they had powers, too. He shook his head as if to clear the pictures in his mind. “Stay in the here and now.”

He jumped when Alex knocked on the door. “Michael?”

Michael opened the door to see Alex jump. _We’re a couple jumpy of motherfuckers._ “‘Sup?”

“I’m going to go get a soda from the vending machine, what do you want?”

“How many times have I told you to stop being nice?”

Alex laughed, moving back into the room so that Michael could get out of the bathroom. “It seems very rude to go get a Dr Pepper and drink it in front of you when I could get you something.”

“If you’re going to insist on being nice, a Dr Pepper would be great.” 

While Alex was gone, Michael snooped a little in this stuff. He had a lot of clothes, and that was indeed makeup on his desk. What did Pete Wentz call it? _Guyliner._ He laughed to himself. Somehow, Michael wasn’t surprised to find a well-used skateboard propped against the side of the desk. He looked around behind the boxes and spotted something that changed _everything._ For the better.

Alex played guitar.

_This is epic. I wonder if he’ll let me play it?_ He was pretty sure no one loved music as much as he did. Maybe Alex would be up there with him? He looked up when he opened the door. “You play guitar?”

His entire face lit up. “Yah, since I was little. Do you play?”

Michael nodded. “I don’t have my own guitar right now, though.”

“You can play mine,” Alex offered, excited. “You could probably get a used one pretty cheap around here.”

“I never thought about that.” Michael shook his head. “You’re ridiculous, you know? You’re too fucking nice.”

Alex laughed a little, a soft, sad look on his face. “It only takes one nice person to change your life. Mimi and Maria have kept me sane most of mine. If I can do that for someone else, I’m going to.”

Michael felt something tight in his chest. “That’s philosophical of you.” He shoved the other boy gently. “Thanks, man.”

“Here’s your soda.” Alex’s smile brightened. “Are you into music in general? Do you play anything else?”

“Just guitar, but I’ve been known to sing occasionally.” 

“I sing, too. I started learning piano after school at the end of the year. I already enrolled in lessons.”

Micahel’s eyebrows rose. “Are you a music major?”

Alex shook his head. “Minor. I’m a computer science and engineering major. That’s how I picked this residence hall, it’s the engineering hall.”

“Well, shit,” Michael laughed. “I’m a mechanical engineering major, and music minor. I picked this dorm for the same reason.”

“What are the odds?” Alex was delighted. “What do you want to do with your degree?”

“Build space ships.” He grinned when Alex did. “All these private space companies are calling my name.”

“That’s fucking awesome.”

“What do you want to do with yours?”

“Can’t decide yet. Programming for Space X would be awesome, but I like the idea of being a code breaker too. Intercept intelligence.” _Possibly impress my family without getting blown up or discharged for being gay._

“We could go to space together,” Michael enthused. 

Alex laughed and gave him a high five. “Seriously, what are the odds?” _Two abused children who want to go to space sharing a room?_

“I got a grant to buy a computer, but I don’t know what to buy.”

“I can definitely help you there. My computer is a couple years old and a hand-me-down from my brother. I’m hoping I can replace it next year. I’ll have to get a job.”

Michael grinned. “I can get a job pretty easily, I’m a mechanic. I won’t need one this year with the grants I got, but they’re only for the first year.”

“Same. My qualifications are selling tickets at the UFO Emporium and working at a used book store, though.”

“Uh, ‘UFO Emporium’?” _Oh shit, does he believe in aliens, too?_

Alex laughed. “I’m from Roswell.” He tugged up the leg of his jeans to show off his alien socks.

Michael caught himself before he spilled his entire life story, which started in Roswell. “I was wearing alien socks until I took a shower.”

“Are we the same person?” Alex took a long drink of his Dr Pepper. “Do you want to play while I finish unpacking?”

“Fuck, yes.” 

“Cool, hang on.” Alex carefully stepped through the piles of crap on the floor in front of his desk to reach the guitar, protected by a gig bag. “It was my mom’s.”

Hearing the note of loss, Michael assumed his mom was dead, and decided not to say anything as he watched Alex unzip the bag. “Whoa, it’s beautiful.” He loved the soft smile on Alex’s sweet face. _I am seriously fucked._

“It is. Here. You can play anything you want, except _Hey There Delilah.”_

Michael cracked up. “You’re safe, that song is so annoying.”

_“Everyone_ who played guitar at my school was learning it. It was pretty the first 10 or so times I heard it. 500 later, I’m done.”

Michael put his fingertips on the frets, and strummed a chord. “A little flat.”

“How can you even tell?”

He gave the other boy a crooked smile. “Perfect pitch.” He carefully adjusted the pegs to correct the tuning. Thank god, Alex had all metal strings.

Alex was stunned and hella impressed. “That is epic. I’m so jealous. I have good relative pitch, but I use a tuning app to adjust it.”

“I need a phone.”

“Uh, yah. Or else I can’t text you that I forgot something and to bring it to me.”

Michael laughed. “We should see if we have any of the same classes.” This guitar was amazing. After some of the crappy instruments he’d played out of desperation, this was a pleasure. 

Alex turned away to start unpacking clothes. His dad had actually been pretty generous with money for clothes, probably because if he’d gone to school looking like a refugee people would have noticed. He’d had money from his job, too, and had probably more clothes than he really needed. And shoes. He hung up his shirts and jeans, and carefully stowed his pjs, underwear, and socks in the bottom drawers of the dresser. He blushed all over again thinking about his reaction to Michael’s completely innocent question about _the fucking dresser._

Boxes empty, he broke them down, and put his suitcase and duffle in the top of the closet. He still had crap on the floor, including his skateboard and a laundry basket full of random stuff. “Crap.”

“Hm?”

“We don’t have a real cabinet in the bathroom for stuff.”

“Do you have like 15 hair products?”

“Shut up,” he laughed. “No, but I do have, you know, deodorant and a hair brush.”

“I guess we could put that stuff on top of the dresser.”

“That works.” He put his _only three_ hair products on the dresser and the assorted toiletries from his backpack. He took a second to put his toothbrush in the bathroom. “Do you care if I put my jewelry up here? I can put it in my desk.” 

“No, that’s cool. Your makeup can go up there too, I won’t judge. Or borrow it, I don’t think blue eyeliner is my look.”

Alex laughed nervously. “Thanks.” He dumped his dirty clothes from his backpack into the now-empty laundry basket. “Do you want to put your clothes in here so they’re not on the floor? I don’t think we’ll have a problem telling whose is whose.”

Michael laughed. He was still moving through random bluesy chord progressions. “Sure.”

“I’m afraid that living in a military household has made me obsessively neat.”

“No problem, I’ll corrupt you.” He grinned when Alex laughed. “No, I’m pretty neat too.”

Alex started when his phone chimed on his desk. “Oh, it’s Maria.”

_Maria: Did you survive? _

_Alex: I’m here Dad didn’t murder me_

_Alex: My roommate checked in today too _

_Maria: Is he hot?_

_Alex: God yes I’m going to die_

_Maria: Pics?_

“Maria wants a picture of you.”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “Only if she sends me a picture of her.”

Alex laughed. “I have pictures of her I can show you. Are you sure?”

“Yah, go ahead.”

Centering Michael playing guitar in the shot, Alex snapped the picture and sent it. 

_Maria: Fuck, Alex._

_ Alex: I know I’m doomed_

_ Maria: I want to touch his hair._

“She’s a fan of your hair.”

Michael grinned. “Tell her that everyone says that.”

_Alex: He says everyone loves his hair_

_ Alex: And I have dibs on touching it_

_ Maria: It’s gorgeous. You should introduce him to product._

_ Alex: Idk I like it wild like that_

“So, pictures of her?”

“Oh, right.” Alex quickly got out of messages before he could see the incriminating thread, and pulled up photos. “Here’s the selfie we took yesterday.”

“That, my friend, is an adorable picture. She’s cute.” _You’re fucking adorable. Eyeliner may not be my thing, but it’s fucking hot on you._

“I’ll tell her you think so.”

_Alex: He thinks your cute_

_ Maria: *you’re._

_ Alex: Shut up_

He opened the photos app again just to look at the picture of Michael. He really was doomed. _He’s so hot._ But again, he couldn’t trust someone just because they were hot and seemed nice.

While he was contemplating his level of doom, Michael modulated the last chord into fucking _Hey There Delilah._ “No!” he laughed, quickly locking his phone. “You promised!”

Michael grinned before he stopped. “If I’m ever pissed at you I’ll be passive aggressive and play that song.” He handed the guitar back. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Seeing Michael with his mother’s guitar had sparked something warm in his chest. “You can play it anytime. As long as it’s not _Hey There Delilah.”_

“You play something,” Michael demanded. He wanted to hear Alex’s musical abilities. _Dude, I hope he doesn’t suck, it would be so hard to pretend to like it._

“Oh, okay.” He removed the pillow that had ended up in his desk chair and sat down. “Any requests?”

“Do you know anything that’s not emo?”

“I’m going to start throwing things,” Alex laughed. “Here, this isn’t emo. Okay, it kinda is. But it’s not pop punk.”

Michael listened to the opening of the song, recognizing it but not sure what it was. After a few measures, Alex began to sing softly. Which Michael was completely unprepared for, because his voice was _beautiful._ A very sweet tenor with just enough rasp to keep it from being angelic. He just sat there, unable to do anything but stare and listen. _I thought I was fucked before. I was wrong._ He immediately applauded when he finished. “Fuck, Alex, that was amazing. What song is that?”

Alex knew he was twelve shades of red but it was so gratifying that Michael enjoyed his playing. “It’s _I Will Follow You Into the Dark_ by Death Cab for Cutie.” He strummed a chord, then another, and then started _Hey There Delilah,_ grinning when Michael laughed. 

“I thought you hated that song!”

“Who do you think was the first person to learn it?” He immediately stopped. “I’m starving. The dining hall won’t be open yet, but there are probably places in walking distance.”

“Or we can take the truck. What are you in the mood for?”

“Let’s see what’s around here.” Alex grabbed his phone, stared at the picture of Michael for a second, then pulled up Google Maps. “There’s a local restaurant about a 10-minute walk across campus. I could probably live on enchiladas exclusively for the rest of my life.”

“Chicken or beef?”

“Yes.”

Michael laughed. “Red or green?”

“Yes.”

“Are you mentally already eating?”

“Yes. Do you want to go? There’s probably fast food nearby too.”

“Enchiladas sound really fucking good.”

“Cool.” 

They put on shoes, Michael teasing Alex about having black Chucks until he pointed out that he also had purple and plaid, which led him to teasing him about having purple and plaid Chucks. They started the walk from Laguna Hall over to Frontier casually picking on each other like they’d known each other since childhood.

Michael had _never_ connected with someone as easily as he had Alex. _Never._ He was usually uncomfortable around people for a long ass time before he could settle into anything more than cautiously tolerating them. He didn’t trust people’s motives. Even if they seemed nice, people had their own agendas and were usually dicks about seeing them through. He was 100% sure Alex had secrets, because everyone did, and he was jumpy as fuck. But he seemed like he was happy to be with him. Just, thrilled to be hanging out with some strange dude from who-knows-where. It was weird, but so endearing. Something about Alex made Michael want to protect him. Have sex with him, too, but also protect him. He put thoughts of screwing him out of his mind since he really didn’t need a boner while walking across campus for enchiladas.

For his part, Alex was pretty sure Michael would soon rival Maria for best friend status. They had a combination of things in common that were both obvious and hidden, and totally different experiences that made for stories that they both found interesting. Michael had gone to a lot of different schools, and probably wouldn’t have gotten his full-ride scholarship if it hadn’t been that three families in a row sent kids to the same high school. Alex shared that going to a small-town high school meant that literally everyone knew him and all the details of his life. He left out the part where he was bullied for being gay pretty much every day.

It was unspoken between them that they’d both probably been abused. Alex knew foster care was bullshit. Michael knew that being gay in a military family was probably pure hell. But they’d known each other a couple hours, it wasn’t time to talk about that. If it ever was.

Frontier was pretty busy, since it was around lunch time on a Saturday, but they didn’t have to wait long for a table. The waitress, an older woman whose brown skin was creased with the lines of lots of smiling, asked them about starting school and told them about things to do around the campus area, and shared that they were usually open late for the night owls. Alex was incredibly enthusiastic about enchiladas at midnight, and Michael thought he was the biggest dork on the planet and that it was the cutest thing ever. 

After lunch they just wandered around on campus. They found the engineering buildings and they were open, so they walked around looking at nothing in particular, talking about the classes required for their majors. The Engineering Center was massive, and they occasionally saw people walking around, but nobody paid any attention to them. There was actually a science and engineering library; it was small and they agreed it was neutral territory for negotiations if they were ever so pissed at each other they didn’t want to be in the room together. Both of them understood anger and wanted to avoid it at all costs. Michael especially had to be careful, when he was pissed off he had a much tougher time controlling his powers. The more they talked, though, the more tempted Michael was to just _tell_ Alex. To finally share his secret. And his secret fears.

They both about exploded when they discovered there was an entire museum dedicated to meteorites. _An entire museum._ It was closed for the summer but they had to find out when they could go because these were _space rocks._

Eventually they found themselves at the duck pond. There were no ducks. Alex was so tempted to take Micheal’s hand, but he knew that was fucking stupid. He had no reason to believe that Michael was even remotely interested in guys, and they didn’t know each other. He didn’t know how Michael would react to knowing he was gay if he just _told_ him, forget about _touching_ him. Still. Standing on the little bridge seemed very date-ish. Alex attempted to squash any thoughts of future dating, despite what was starting to feel like a very serious crush. 

“Hey,” Michael began, shoving Alex a little. He seemed to have zoned out looking at the fountain. “As much as I love enchiladas, I can’t afford to eat them every day until the dining hall opens. Want to go pick up some snacks to have in the room? I can get some soap, too.” _ Lavender. Jesus fucking christ._

“Oh, yah, sorry,” Alex laughed. “I totally spaced. I’ve been up forever. It’s too late to go to the bank, though, it’s Saturday.”

“I have enough cash for soap and snacks. And shampoo, I think yours made my hair a little fluffier than usual.”

Alex was _very_ tempted to run his fingers through it. “It’s pretty fluffy. Somehow wild suits you.”

“Hah, yah. You’re probably right.” _Hmm, is that a compliment? I think so. _

“So, Target?”

Alex started to wonder if there was a cosmic connection between them, because Target? Yah, most fun he’d ever had at Target.

It didn’t matter that both of them had been to Target before, or that Michael had actually been to _this_ Target before, it was like they’d never gone before and had to look at everything. Michael smelled _every_ body wash before deciding on Irish Spring. But it wasn’t just that he smelled them all, he made _Alex_ smell them all, too, so they could compare notes. Which led to some serious ribbing about Alex using lavender body wash, which he hadn’t had a valid defense for other than liking the smell. Shampoo and conditioner were even more of an adventure. 

“When I caught my reflection in the rearview mirror, I made a definitive decision to never use your shampoo or conditioner ever again.”

“It’s not my fault I have fine hair,” Alex defended, laughing. “You could have waited to shower until you bought your own.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” He loved the way Alex’s eyes sparkled when he laughed, cheeks just a little flushed. _Damn. I am so fucked._

“Someday, when I’m rich and famous,” Michael began as Alex laughed, “Someday, I will have the income to buy designer shampoo and conditioner and have someone who washes my hair for me every day.”

“Is washing it that much of a pain in the ass?”

Michael shook his head. “No, it just feels nice to have someone wash it for you.”

“Oh, I don’t think anyone’s washed my hair for me since I was like six.”

_I will happily take care of that for you._ “It’s amazing.”

“I’ll have to take your word for it.” _Do not think about showering with him, this is not the time or place for that physiological reaction._

They argued about what snacks to get, though. Alex wanted to get _bananas._ Who bought bananas anywhere, but especially at _Target?_ Michael couldn’t fathom getting _bananas._

“Okay, look, bananas are good, fresh fruit has vitamins,” Alex defended, laughing at the look of perplexed disgruntlement on Michael’s face. “I’m going to get apples, too.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Ugh, fine. I’m getting Doritos.”

“Healthy.”

They ended up with soda and bottled water, too. Alex insisted that Michael get something more substantial than just Doritos, so he threw some beef jerky and PopTarts in the cart. 

“How do you feel about microwave popcorn?”

Alex looked up from checking his bank account on his phone. “I love it, but if you burn it, I’ll throw you out the window _with_ the burned popcorn.”

That startled a laugh out of Michael, he had not been expecting that reaction. “What if you burn it?”

“I won’t burn it. I’m an expert.”

“Unfamiliar microwave,” Michael argued.

“Foolproof methodology,” Alex countered. 

“Popcorn ‘methodology’? Really?”

“Hey, it’s a chemical reaction, that makes it science. Extensive experimentation has been done on this. I’ve compiled the data for the perfect popcorn experience.”

At this point Michael could not stop laughing, and Alex’s superior expression dissolved into laughter as well. Microwave popcorn was added to the cart. 

“Hey, do you have toothpaste?” Alex asked. “I can’t share. I just can’t. I had to share with my brothers and it was torture.”

“I should get more, actually.” They detoured back to the personal stuff area and Michael added toothpaste. And a new toothbrush, for good measure. Blue, to match all of the stuff Alex had given him. 

It was dark by the time they got back to the residence hall with their assorted purchases. “We should have gotten something to put the food in,” Alex called to Michael, who was putting his toiletries in the bathroom. 

“Use one of your cardboard boxes,” Michael suggested. 

“Huh, good idea.”

Alex put a box back together and put their food in it on top of the microwave. He was amused by the combination of foods, since Granny Smith apples and Cool Ranch Doritos were kind of on opposite ends of the snack spectrum.

“Hey, what do you want to do for the evening?” Michael asked. “It’s going to be pretty awkward if we just sit here and stare at each other.”

“Want to watch a movie on my laptop? Or I could just play my entire Panic at the Disco library for you.”

“Wow, as great as that offer sounds, I’ll take the movie.” Michael shook his head. “I don’t know what the last movie I watched even was.”

Alex pulled his laptop out of the neoprene sleeve. It was pristine, because Chris was anal retentive and his dad would have killed him if he’d put a sticker on it. He sat in his chair to boot it up. “I have a lot of movies, actually. This summer I worked at a used book store, but they also have a movie section, and whenever we took movies in, I’d rip them to my hard drive.” He looked up from logging in. “I have legit movies too, the physical DVDs are still at home.”

“It’s going to be damned uncomfortable to sit in our chairs and stare at your desk.”

“We can sit on my bed with it between us.”

_That sounds cozy,_ Michael thought with a smile. “That works.”

Alex stood, toeing off his shoes, and put his computer on the bed. “Will you grab me a Dr Pepper?”

“Sure.” Michael watched Alex climb up awkwardly, but enjoyed the view of his ass before he followed him onto the lofted bed. He settled next to the other boy leaning against the wall. Alex had set them up on the long wall, so they weren’t snuggling at the head of the bed. _Pity._

“What kind of stuff do you like to watch?”

Michael shrugged. “Anything, really. I’m out of touch with what’s popular.”

“Well, I have, like, DC and Marvel movies, random horror movies that are varying degrees of awful, a bunch of action movies, _anything_ you can think of sci-fi, and pretty much every Studio Ghibli movie.”

“What’s that?” He watched Alex’s face light up. “Am I going to regret this?”

Alex laughed. “I don’t think so. How much anime have you watched?”

“None.”

“We’ll have to fix that.” He scrolled through his list. “My favorite Studio Ghibli movie is _Spirited Away,_ but I like them all.”

Michael was pretty sure he’d watch anything that made Alex look like this. “What’s it about?”

“It’s about a little girl who has to do all of these crazy things in the spirit realm to save her parents. She’s really strong, and just does what she has to do, and it’s so endearing. The other characters are great, and it’s really pretty. There’s a dragon.”

“Let’s watch it.” _What a shitty synopsis._

“You sure?” 

“Yeah, you can educate me.”

“Awesome.” He contained his thoughts of what he’d like Michael to educate him on. _Cars. Yah, sure, cars._

Michael had been skeptical, but found himself taken in by the beautiful music and just how visually interesting the movie really was. Alex hadn’t actually warned him it would be in Japanese with subtitles, but he caught on fast. He could see that Alex identified with Chihiro, it was in his body language. She was working through horrible tasks, and suffering without complaint, fighting for her family even though they were horribly flawed. He found himself watching Alex as much as the movie. 

“I thought about getting Haku tattooed on my arm,” Alex mentioned as they watched. “My dad would murder me, though.”

“Because it’s an anime dragon, or just because it’s a tattoo?”

“Both. He’d probably tolerate a less gay looking tattoo, but still be pissed as hell.”

_Yep, dad’s a homophobic asshole. Figured._ “How is a dragon gay?”

Alex glanced at him. “Pastel colors, Japanese, from a cartoon?”

“Gotcha.” He thought the dragon would suit Alex. “What would be a less gay tattoo?”

“Well, Flint has barbed wire going around his bicep, that’s aggressively masculine. Chris has the Air Force emblem on his back. Dad expressed his disappointment but let it go. Evan got a pin-up girl on his arm and Dad was pissed, not only because it was a ‘faggoty’ colored tattoo, it was something a _sailor_ would put on his body.” He didn’t add that his dad had backhanded Evan across the face and Alex had suggested he tell his buddies he’d gotten in a bar fight while putting a bag of frozen peas on his cheek.

“Shit. You’d think a half-naked woman would be the opposite of gay.”

“You’d think.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, paying attention to the movie. Michael shifted closer so their shoulders were touching, and smiled when Alex leaned into him a little. He wasn’t going to make the assumption that just because his roommate was gay, that he would be interested in _him,_ but he could definitely see himself flirting with him. He’d been with as many guys as girls, and had no problem accepting that he was attracted to the other boy. He really, really hoped that Alex turned out to be as awesome as he seemed, because even if they never dated, having a real friend would be amazing. He certainly hoped this would lead to dating, though, because Alex tugged at his heart strings. Michael’d had a lot more hookups than dates, but Alex wasn’t a hook up waiting to happen. He was too sweet. _He needs to be loved._

At the end of the movie he asked, “So, like, how much time had passed in the real world?”

“We don’t know.” Alex smiled at him, happy that Michael had gotten wrapped up enough in the movie to still be thinking about it after it was over. “Who knows what people thought when they disappeared, then came back thinking nothing had happened.”

“Huh.” _I just disappeared, I wonder if anyone cares what happened to me? Probably not, the checks stopped on my birthday._ He noticed Alex yawning. “Are you already tired?”

Alex nodded, yawning again. “I was up at 4:30.”

“Why?”

“Remember how my dad is an asshole? We were on the road at precisely 6:00.” 

“You can go to bed, I can always read.” He indicated the pile of paperbacks on his desk.

“You sure?”

Michael shoved him. “Yah, dude, sleep. Don’t fucking wake me up at 4:30 tomorrow, though.”

Alex laughed. “No, 4:30 is _not_ my preferred wake up time. If I’m up before you, which I really doubt, I’ll just go for a walk or something.” _Since I can’t run with cracked ribs._

They both crawled off the bed, and Alex put his laptop on the desk. He grabbed pajama pants out of the bottom drawer _(I am such a freak, jesus christ)_, and headed into the bathroom. He was going to sleep in this shirt, since it was just a black t-shirt, but was afraid his ribs would show when he changed pants, and the welts on the backs of his legs would require an explanation.

Michael watched the bathroom door shut. _Huh. Is he really that shy? I hope he gets over that soon._ Not just because he really wanted to see Alex’s skin, but because it was annoying to have him go in the bathroom to change every time. Rolling his eyes, he went ahead and took off his jeans, folding them over his desk chair. He figured boxers and a t-shirt were enough clothes for sleeping, if Alex was freaked out by seeing him in his underwear, he’d just have to deal with it. _I am not staying fully clothed in here just for him._ Besides, he really _wanted_ Alex to see him in his underwear. _I would also like to see Alex in his underwear. God, that ass._ He looked up when Alex opened the door. 

“Sorry,” Alex apologized for no reason. He apologized for no reason a lot. According to the internet, that was common in kids with abusive fathers. 

“No worries.” Michael headed into the bathroom to do his business, hoping Alex was looking at his ass.

Alex was decidedly looking at his ass. _That’s just cruel._ Black boxer briefs were his new favorite clothing item. On Michael, at least.

Alex was putting his phone on the charger (he had a 10-foot cable so it would reach the bed) when Michael said “Well, fuck,” from behind him. He turned around.

“What’s up?”

“It’s going to be hard to read in the dark. I don’t wanna just sit at my desk and it seems rude to have the lights on.”

“Oh, hang on.” Alex pulled open his desk drawers until he found his book light. “Here.”

“What is this?”

“It’s a battery operated light that clips to the book. It’s enough light to read by without getting caught for being up after lights out.”

Michael laughed. “You like to read?”

“Yah, and we had a strict bed time of 9:00. Once I was in middle school my dad extended it to 10:00.”

“Jeez.” He shook his head. “Anyway, thanks for this. I’ll buy you batteries.”

Alex waved that off. “Don’t worry about it.” His stomach did that funny thing when Michael smiled at him. He smiled back, trying not to be awkward, but he had the prettiest eyes, sort of an amber brown. _ I’m so doomed, I’ve known him less than 12 hours and this crush is so real._

“Anyway,” Michael said, breaking the tension. “Thanks for the light.”

“No problem. What are you reading?”

Michael moved the books around to pull out a worn copy of _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._ “I’m rereading Harry Potter. I got a full set of water damaged books at a garage sale for $5.”

“That’s a fantastic deal.” He grabbed the one book he had with him, _Thirteen Reasons Why._ “I started this a couple days ago, it’s depressing. But I can relate.”

Michael recognized the book. _He’s been bullied for being gay._ “I heard it was good, though.”

“It is, it’s just hard to read.” Alex yawned again. “Okay, I’m going to sleep.”

“Sleep.” He watched Alex climb up on the bed. Pajama pants? They hid nothing. Michael turned off the lights and got into bed. There was enough ambient light from the street coming through the window to navigate. He clipped the light to his battered book, and turned it on. It really was perfect.

He’d gotten lost in the story when Alex said his name. “What’s up?”

“I...I have nightmares. If I wake you up, I’m sorry.”

Michael looked across the room to where Alex was snuggled up in his blanket, barely visible in the in the low light surrounded by black bedding. “I do too. Want me to wake you up if you have one? No judgement if you’re crying.” He heard Alex’s sigh of relief. 

“Yah, thanks. I’ll return the favor. No judgement.”

“Thanks, dude.”

It was about an hour later when Michael stopped reading, rubbing his eyes. He had no idea what time it was, but the fact that he was in a bed with fresh-smelling sheets and a fluffy pillow instead of the back of his truck with a sleeping bag was beckoning him to sleep. He turned off the little light Alex had loaned him, closed his book, and made a burrito of himself in the blanket. Trusting that Alex was asleep, he used his powers to put the book and light on his desk gently and quietly. Feeling cautiously safe, Michael closed his eyes. The day he’d gotten his full ride to UNM was the current best day of his life...but today came really close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am making Laguna hall a little bit nicer than it is in real life. It's kind of a mashup of all the dorms I've lived in. Laguna DeVargas is suites with lofted beds. It's also the home of the engineering and fine arts communities. It's just not quite as nice as I picture it. There's a link to the virtual tour on the UNM housing webpage.
> 
> Frontier is a real restaurant right next to campus and it's a fixture of campus culture. 
> 
> The pics on the UNM webpage show absolutely no ducks in the duck pond lol. Google Earth also so shows no ducks in the duck pond on street view. Someone's flickr account of pics of the duck pond showed no ducks in the duck pond. My conclusion? There are no ducks allowed in the duck pond, much like the rule about dogs in the dog park in Night Vale. 
> 
> Chapter title: Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's.
> 
> Also in the chapter: I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie


	3. Our Song

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/48856194781/in/dateposted-public/)

The sun was up when Michael surfaced into consciousness, but it was clearly still fairly early. He judged that it was around 9:00, having gotten good at guessing what time it was without a watch or a phone. Alex was still asleep. Thank god, he didn’t snore.

He looked over at him across the small room, face pressed against the black pillow, cheeks pink and hair a mess. He wasn’t just cute, he was beautiful. He’d never really thought of dark brown eyes as pretty before, but Alex’s really were. And his mouth was practically designed for kissing. His smile was contagious, and he’d had to wrench his eyes away from the other boy’s the night before to keep from touching his cheek, maybe sliding his hand into his hair. The temptation to crawl up into his bed and snuggle with him was strong.

_What is it about him that makes me feel so, I don’t know, soft?_ This wasn’t just attraction, this was a real crush, and he genuinely cared about Alex. Which was fucking crazy because they’d known each other for like 24 hours, and half of that had been spent asleep. It was too soon to try anything, Alex hadn’t even told him he was gay yet, and that might be weeks from now. _Maybe I should drop that I’m bi into conversation sometime? Not today, but in the future._

Eventually, he just had to get up to piss, and took the time to brush his teeth and wash his face. Alex had left a facial cleanser on the counter and he used it, figuring that he wouldn’t care. He’d been blessed with clear skin, probably because he was a fucking freak; Alex obviously took care of his pretty face to keep his skin so flawless. His skin was a _gorgeous_ color, and Michael wondered if there was Native American heritage in his genetic make up. It occurred to him that he was spending way more time thinking about Alex than anything else, and should probably start thinking about, like, school.

Alex was just waking up when he walked in, and his heart clenched with how cute he looked, all sleepy and smiling. _ I am so fucked. Just so fucked._ “I see you didn’t wake up before me.”

He chuckled. “No. I’m a night owl by nature. If I could go to bed at 3am and get up at 11am every day my body would love that. Instead I’m usually up at 6 because school started at 7:55.” He checked his phone. “It’s 9:27. This is still too early, but we went to bed at like 10 last night.”

“You went to bed at like 10, I was up for a while.” 

Alex stretched, catching his breath when his ribs bitched at him. “I think _Prisoner of Azkaban_ is my favorite in the series.”

“Mine, too.” Michael watched as Alex carefully lowered himself out of bed and wondered if there was some medical issue keeping him from moving like a normal person. _ “Goblet of Fire_ is good, too.”

“I like them all, really. But _Half-Blood Prince_ is the lamest.”

Michael laughed. “Did you hear that a couple guys in England put a banner on an overpass with the page Dumbledore dies?”

“Yes,” Alex laughed. “Dicks.” He headed to the bathroom.

PopTarts were calling Michael’s name, so he wandered over to the classy cardboard box of food and pulled out the box. He didn’t really have a favorite flavor, but you just couldn’t go wrong with strawberry. He was pulling a cold Dr Pepper out of the fridge when Alex walked back into the room.

“Okay, no, PopTarts are bad enough, you _cannot_ have a soda with breakfast,” Alex demanded. “Get water.”

“Come on, it’s the breakfast of champions.”

“No, it’s the breakfast of dying young.” Alex pulled a banana out of the box and got two bottles of water out of the fridge. “Here, stay hydrated.”

Rolling his eyes, Michael traded his Dr Pepper for a bottle of water. “Fine.” He tried not to smile at Alex being a mother hen. He plopped down in his desk chair. The print out of his schedule he’d gotten at registration was tucked under a copy of _The Hobbit_ that was missing the cover. “Hey, what classes do you have?”

Alex turned in his chair to pull his backpack into his lap. “Let me look. I know I have mostly GE classes, like every other freshman.” He located the creased page and dragged his chair across the room to Michael’s desk. “So Monday/Wednesday, 9am, English with Dishman,” he started.

“Fuck, me too!” Michael grinned and held up his fist for a bump.

“Maria has that class too, we can all sit together and bother everyone else.”

“Perfect.”

They held their schedules together to read over them. “We both have Music Appreciation with Hogan Tuesday/Thursday at 11:30,” Michael pointed out. 

“I can’t believe we have to take Music Appreciation as music minors,” Alex complained. “Can’t we take real music classes?”

“We both have piano.” Michael had the piano class at 9:30 Tuesday/Thursday.

Alex nodded. “I have lessons Monday/Wednesday at 3:00.”

“How are we gonna practice?”

“There are practice rooms in the music building.”

“We’re both taking College Algebra, just different times.”

“That’s good, we can share a graphing calculator. Those things are fucking expensive,” Alex complained. “They’ve been $130 since the 90s, it’s ridiculous. It’s got to be cheaper to make them now than 10 years ago.”

“They’re _$130?_ A fucking _calculator?”_

“I know, it’s ridiculous. Someone needs to make an iPhone app for that.”

“Are you taking 18 units? You have Computer Science I and World History on here, too.”

“No, piano for non majors is only 1 unit. What’s your last class?”

“Physics for Engineering,” Michael answered. “It’s at 7:30 in the fucking morning on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

“We should go find the music building,” Alex suggested. He went back to the banana he’d abandoned on his desk when they’d started looking at their schedules. “I need a shower, but then we could go explore.” 

“What else do we have to do?” Michael answered with a shrug. 

***

The music building was big, and it took them a while to find the classroom they’d have for Music Appreciation. Much to Alex’s delight, the practice rooms were open for people taking lessons over the summer, and they took one over. The piano was an old upright, and Michael complained that it was flat, but it was at least in tune with itself.

“My piano skills are limited,” Alex warned as they sat down on the bench. He tried and failed to suppress a little thrill at how close they were to each other. “I only took lessons from my music teacher for a couple months before the end of the school year.” He put his fingers on the keys and played arpeggios of 1-4-5-5+7-1 in C major. 

Michael gaped. “That’s ‘limited skills’ Alex?”

“That’s just C major, it’s easy.”

“I could tell it was C major, and the chord progression, but it’s the..what do you call it?”

“Arpeggios? It’s easier than you think. You play the chord with your left hand,” he demonstrated, “And just do 1-3-5-3-1 for each step, and 1-3-5-7-5-3-1 for the 5+7 chord obviously.”

“Let me at least figure out what notes are what keys, dude,” Michael laughed. He experimentally tapped each key from low C to middle C. “Okay, got it.”

“Here, this is the fingering for the scale.”

Michael watched as Alex played the right hand. “You cross over on F.” He copied it from low C, where he was sitting.

Alex nodded. “With the left hand, you cross over on A.” He demonstrated, then played the two together.

He played the scale with his left hand, the crossover was more awkward than with the right hand. Playing them together was an exercise in futility. 

“Don’t get frustrated, that’s the hardest part of piano,” Alex explained. “Learning to use both hands. Here, try this, it’s easier than doing scales.”

He played _Mary Had a Little Lamb,_ just striking the chords with his left hand and playing the melody with his right. 

Michael laughed, but watched how Alex was positioning his left hand on the keys to make the chords. “Okay, let me see if I can do it.” 

It was significantly easier than playing the scale with both hands. A few times, he messed up but could hear when he’d corrected the notes. He grinned when Alex clapped. “I’ll be a concert pianist in no time at this rate,” he joked.

“The fact that you can hear what note each key is will put you ahead of the game.” He looked at him. “Can you read music?”

“Oh, yah, of course.” 

“You’ll have no problem.” Wanting to show off and be silly at the same time so he didn’t hurt Michael’s feelings, Alex played _Mary Had a Little Lamb_ again but alternating notes in the chords for the left hand. It pulled a laugh out of him.

“Ooo, elegant.” He still wasn’t buying the ‘limited piano skills’ bullshit.

Alex grinned. “Do you play by ear, too?”

“Y’know, I can on guitar, there’s no reason I can’t on piano.” He pondered for a minute. _I should pick a song Alex won’t know to limit my embarrassment._

“Trade me places so you can be at the right part of the keyboard.”

They swapped spots on the bench. Michael tried out a few different notes, trying to think of a song to _attempt_ to play, when one popped into his head. He started the beginning of _Our Song_ by Taylor Swift, sure Alex would have no idea about a sugary country song. It took a little trial and error, but eventually he got it.

“I know that song!” Alex was excited. “I should have known you’d pick this up instantly. Play it again.”

Michael slowly picked his way through it, and grinned when Alex started adding chords to the melody. It wasn’t perfect, but on the third play through, it sounded fairly respectable. Not as good as the real deal, but still, for two guys with ‘limited piano skills’ it was pretty good, in Michael’s humble opinion.

“Alex, you are the most emo person I’ve ever met, how do you know that song?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Who _doesn’t_ know Taylor Swift?”

“Does this make _Our Song_ our song?” He’d been expecting laughter but instead Alex blushed the color of a ripe tomato.

_Oh god. Laugh, you idiot, it’s clearly a joke._ He laughed awkwardly. “Um, sure.” His stomach felt like it fell out of his body when Michael gave him that slow (sexy) smile.

“I’ll add it to my playlist when I get a phone,” Michael promised. 

***

“Tacos are almost as good as enchiladas,” Alex commented, looking across the picnic table at Michael. “But only if you get them from a taco truck.”

Michael saluted him with this taco. “Truer words were never spoken.” 

They’d messed around on the piano for a while before walking back to their residence hall. Neither of them had explored Laguna or De Vargas hall, so they looked around, finding common areas and more vending machines and laundry and places to hang out. There weren’t a lot of students there two weeks before classes started, so they mostly ran into RAs that were back for training and getting ready for move in day. They were all friendly, but Alex was irrationally annoyed with the girls who were blatantly checking Michael out. 

They talked music for a while, Michael telling Alex the names of his favorite songs for him to look up on YouTube. They had the luxury of wifi in this dorm, even though it wasn’t lightning fast or anything. Of course, Michael also threw in songs he just knew would annoy his roommate so he could laugh at the faces he made. Alex played some of his favorites, too, and it as all alternative, from 80s to indie to pop punk. Surprisingly, they were both fans of Iron and Wine, and bonded over _Flightless Bird, American Mouth_ and _The Trapeze Swinger._ Somehow, The Eagles and Journey were also common ground. Michael liked a lot of classic rock, and the more rock side of current country music. He really liked everything, and didn’t mind Alex’s emo music at all. Neither of them liked rap or R&B, and agreed to never toruture each other with boy bands or Britney Spears.

Eventually they had to eat, so Michael suggested they drive around looking for a taco truck, which Alex thought was a fantastic idea. Now they were sitting at a structurally unsound picnic table on a street corner in a questionable neighborhood stuffing their faces. 

“I can’t believe how many jalapenos you just put on that taco.” 

Alex looked up. “That’s nothing.” 

“Dude, I like spicy food and that just looks like a mouthful of pain.”

“You should see how much sriracha I put on Asian food.”

Michael laughed. “But have you put Cholula on vanilla ice cream?”

Alex stared at him. “No, but now I want to.” 

“I like sweet/spicy combos. Mexican hot chocolate is my favorite.” 

_“Yes,”_ Alex groaned, setting his taco down. “Part of why I like Chinese food.”

“I haven’t had enough Chinese food to have a solid opinion,” Michael countered.

“Okay, any time we have spare money, we’re getting Chinese food.”

Michael had to ponder what an odd couple they must look like to the other people getting food. He was in a loose, worn out green t-shirt and jeans that were probably older than he was, while Alex was in a tight black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and black skinny jeans, sporting his wallet chain and a black leather bracelet. The dude had a septum piercing, for christ’s sake. Michael’s hair had been a mess this morning, and there was no taming it after using Alex’s shampoo and conditioner, so he had a baseball cap on backwards. It was free from somewhere and had the logo for some kind of farm equipment company on it. Alex had his hair gelled into this intentionally messy, spiky style that was actually really hot on him. 

“D’ya think I should get some new clothes?” 

Alex looked up, and thought Michael looked self conscious. “If you want. I mean, I didn’t look at your wardrobe to see if you could make it on _Next Top Model_, but the more clothes you have, the longer you can go between loads of laundry.”

“Okay then,” Michael laughed, feeling less awkward. 

“I have a lot of clothes because I’m a princess and want to have at least three options every morning.”

Michael laughed at the look on Alex’s face. “Who called you a princess?” He assumed it was his dad.

“Maria,” he replied, “which is really unfair because she has enough clothes for 20 girls. I swear there’s an entire second-hand boutique in her bedroom. And she actually has a tiara, which I do not.”

“But have you _worn_ the tiara?”

Alex gave him a narrow-eyed look. “Maybe.”

That drew another laugh from Michael, and he was happy when Alex grinned at him. The sun was in his eyes, though, and he was stabbed with jealousy that Alex had sunglasses. “Okay, even if I don’t buy anything else, I have to get sunglasses. I left mine in my truck and someone stole them.”

“Easy enough. Maybe after the bank tomorrow we could go shopping.” Alex looked down at himself. He didn’t want Michael to be embarrassed by budget restrictions, and thought of the funniest way to say it. “Thrift stores are a great source of almost-too-small button up shirts.” 

Michael almost spit out his taco, then choked when he over corrected. He _guffawed_. “Oh my god, Alex.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Jesus christ. Okay, we’ll hit Goodwill so you can get more ‘almost-to-small’ shirts and girl jeans.”

“These are not girl jeans, thank you very much, girl’s jeans this small are too short.” He grinned when Michael started laughing again. “Yes, I tested this theory.” Making Michael laugh was quickly becoming his favorite activity. “I do have some girl’s sweaters, though.”

“I’m picturing pink with teddy bears,” Michael teased.

Alex laughed. “No, pink isn’t my color.” He thought about it. “I lied, I have a hoodie that’s black and hot pink.”

“You’re so emo.”

“Shut up.” He knew it was true. “I actually have clothes that are _not_ emo, like the plain jeans and t-shirt I had on yesterday. You can’t wear skinny jeans for every activity.” 

“Those were still skinny jeans.” _Not that I’m complaining, they did great things for your ass._

“Those were straight leg jeans. _These_ are skinny jeans.”

“Do you have _baggy_ jeans?”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “What do you think?” When Michael laughed, he added, “I have an image to maintain,” in his hautiest tone.

Teasing and joking aside, Michael was relieved that Alex had thrown it out there to go thrifting not to the mall or something, and could have kissed him for being such a sweetheart about it. _Well, I could kiss him anyway._ “I don’t think skinny jeans are ever going to be my style.” 

“They don’t have to be.” Alex shook his head. “Wear what makes you feel good.”

They finished in companionable silence as the sun started to go down (shining directly into Michael’s face). “Hey,” he started, “you can totally say no, but do you want to go UFO hunting?”

“Uh, define ‘hunting’ and we’ll see.”

“Not like digging things up around Roswell,” Michael clarified, although that was something he really wanted to do at some point, “like, just driving out into the desert to watch the sky for things you can’t explain.”

“Oh, like stargazing, but with the possibility of being abducted.”

Michael laughed. “It’s just an idea.”

“No, it’s a good idea. Do we need to get blankets from the room?”

“Nah, I have some blankets and a sleeping bag in the truck.”

They stopped at a convenience store on the way out of town for drinks, and drove into the dusk. Alex played Iron and Wine on speaker on his phone, and discovered that Michael _could sing._ His voice was lower, and he had a better time with the melodies, so Alex experimented with harmonies a major or minor third up, and when that absolutely _delighted_ Michael, he showed off just a little, since harmony was kind of his thing. It was sort of magical to be bathed in the red light of the fading day, singing together, driving out into the middle of nowhere just to look at the stars. 

Michael knew these roads; he’d been running away from places he wasn’t wanted to watch the stars since he could drive. He pulled off in a place he’d never been hassled by cops or ranchers, parked the truck, and killed the engine. 

They climbed into the bed of the truck as the last of the light was dying, laying on top of Michael’s sleeping bag. The moon was a thin waning crescent in the dark eastern sky, and the multitude of stars was spread out around them, like diamonds strewn across a black velvet blanket. They were far enough from Albuquerque’s light pollution that the Milky Way was visible hanging above them, a glowing streamer of pale silk. It was stunning, and Alex was even more sure that his crush on Michael would kill him, because nothing could be as romantic as stargazing together. 

Michael knew it was dangerous, sharing this part of his obsession with Alex, but god, he fucking _needed_ the guy he liked to see how important the stars really were to him. How he was always looking, always wondering, always fucking _yearning_ for a home that this place had never been. Who even knew what Alex would say, or how he’d react, if he shared his deepest fears - that he was _not_ human and was _not_ from earth and was _not_ just a normal teenage boy. 

It was too dark to see Alex’s face when Michael looked over at him, but he was so still and relaxed, that he imagined that he was happy, just laying there under the open sky, spending time with him. 

“How many of the meteors we see are actually UFOs?” Alex asked softly. “I mean, no one can keep track of every little thing that enters the atmosphere. My dad likes to think that the Air Force is infallible, but if that was true, there wouldn’t be military reports corroborating civilian sightings. There wouldn’t be a mystery. Half the time that people report something, it was never on radar.” He paused for a moment. “I mean, we finally figured out how to keep our own jets off radar, why would we think aliens couldn’t do that?”

Michael was afraid to speak for a minute. “There’s no reason to think aliens wouldn’t be able to do that. I mean, if they’ve managed interstellar travel, they could probably avoid detection.” _He believes. He really believes._

“How can anyone look up at the sky and think ‘nope, mankind is as good as it gets, nothing else out there’ and really believe that? I mean, even if aliens haven’t come to earth, there’s no way we’re the only life in the entire universe.”

“I’m with ya, dude. My thoughts exactly.” He watched two silver streaks flash across the sky. “Make a wish.”

Alex laughed. “Do you believe in that?” _I wish...I wish that Michael could be my boyfriend._

“Not really.” _I wish that Alex could be mine._

“I made a wish anyway.”

Michael smiled. “So did I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started out as a music major and didn't want to take piano class, so I had to pass a piano proficiency test. When I was asked to play something random, I played Mary had a Little Lamb with arpeggios for the left hand. I passed.
> 
> Chapter title: Our Song - Taylor Swift
> 
> Also in this chapter: Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine, The Trapeze Swinger - Iron & Wine


	4. These Are Days

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/48893201472/in/dateposted-public/)

Monday morning, Michael discovered just how late Alex could sleep. It was ridiculous. They’d made it back to town and hit the hay around 2am, and it had to be close to noon, and Alex was still fucking asleep. 

He’d changed in the bathroom again, which was fucking weird. Michael just really didn’t get it. He wore clothes that showed off his body, why was he so nervous about taking off his damned shirt? Did he have some horrible deformity that he was hiding? I mean, it couldn’t be bad if nothing showed in the shirt he’d been wearing yesterday. Before he could get well and truly irritated, Michael thought about something he hadn’t even realized _he_ was doing. He was leaving his shirt on to sleep, even though he really preferred not to, because _he_ didn’t want _Alex_ to see the marks on his back. He had the bone-chilling realization that Alex, sweet, jumpy, gay, asshole-dad-having Alex, was probably doing the same thing. He hoped he never met Alex’s dad because it would be really hard to not drop a car on the fucker’s head. The idea that someone had _hurt_ him was...painful. Like, almost a physical pain. After laying in the bed of the truck talking about everything and nothing and looking at the sky together for hours, Michael was even more firmly aware that he was _so fucked._ That he’d even thought it was a good idea to come so close to the topic of aliens with Alex the second day he’d known the guy was evidence of how fucked he was. He _liked_ Alex, in both a friend way and a more-than-friends way, and it was stupid and amazing at the same time. _And now I want to take care of him, like I can even take care of myself._

“What are you thinking so hard about over there?”

Michael looked over at Alex’s sleepy smile. _Falling in love with you._ “Overthrowing the government.”

“Cool, I’ll help.” Alex yawned, carefully stretching but unable to avoid his ribs hurting. He grabbed his phone. “Fuck, it’s almost noon.” 

“You weren’t kidding when you said you liked to sleep in.”

“Huh uh.” He carefully unfolded himself from the blanket, making sure his ribs weren’t visible. “Shower? Bank? Too-small shirts?”

Michael laughed. “I’ll stick to not-too-small shirts.”

“I have plenty if you want to try one on, all the different shades of black.” Alex grinned when Michael lost it. 

“Okay, let me look at your too-small shirt collection,” Michael laughed, climbing out of bed and looking in Alex’s closet. 

“We’re close to the same size.”

He pulled out a button up shirt that was black with a white pinstripe. “Oh god, Alex.”

“That looks great on me, thank you very much.”

Michael put the shirt back and pulled out a sweater with red snarling wolves on it. “Oh jesus christ.”

“Shut up.”

“I have to give you some credit, this shirt screams _rebellion_ like nothing else.”

“I think that’s a compliment.”

“What is this even made of?” Michael asked, pulling out a dark green sweater that almost didn’t have a texture it was so soft. It was big, so would be loose on Alex’s slender body. _Or my body, god this is soft._

“Cashmere. That’s one of my girl sweaters. Green would look good on you, you can borrow it when it gets cold.”

_Another compliment,_ he thought, feeling warm. “I’m going to take you up on that.” He put the sweater away and pulled out the black and hot pink hoodie. “Are these hot pink skulls?”

Alex giggled a little, embarrassed, but amused. “If I didn’t own it, they’d revoke my emo card.”

Michael cracked up. “So this is a requirement for being emo?”

“Well, slim fit hoodies in general are a requirement, but skulls and fluorescent colors are highly recommended for the emo lifestyle.”

At that point he couldn’t stop laughing as he put the hoodie away. “I’m pretty sure girl hoodies are not going to be my thing.”

“We do need to get UNM hoodies, though.”

“I’m sure they come in girl’s sizes.”

“Shut up.” Alex wondered how many times he’d tell Michael to shut up while they were roommates.

“I think I’ll stick to my own clothes for today,” Michael teased. He tried to run his fingers through his hair but they got stuck. “I need to do something about this.”

Alex laughed. “You have the most beautiful hair.” He immediately realized what he’d said and could tell he was turning bright red, but couldn’t take it back; it was true and he wanted Michael to _know_ he thought his hair was beautiful. 

_Another compliment, me thinks he may be crushing._ “Aw, don’t make me blush.”

Not exactly sure what to say to that, Alex decided to change the subject by getting out of bed. “If you give me a second, you can take first shower.”

“Ok.” Michael watched the way he moved more carefully than he had before. _Is he hurt like right now? Fuck._

Micheal pulled out stuff to wear for the day. His clothes were all in pretty much the same state of almost-falling-apart, but he had to assume Alex was going to look cute, so he didn’t want to look like a total loser. _I can’t so much do fancy, but I can do a little bit sexy._ He pulled out a thin white t-shirt and the jeans that his last girlfriend said made his ass look unbelievable. _I can’t believe I’m trying to impress him. I’m more fucked than I thought._

And showering really didn’t help. As much as Michael felt that jacking off in a shared shower was probably not kosher, he couldn’t help but think about a certain boy washing his hair for him, and it was absolutely not possible to resist. It was kind of ridiculous, he’d never seen him missing a single item of clothing but Alex still got him going. _It’s going to get awkward if we never get together._

Michael was pretty glad he could blame the hot shower for his cheeks being red when he went back in the bedroom, because he was actually embarrassed for once when he saw Alex’s innocent face. Made him wonder just how innocent he was. _Probably really fucking innocent._

Then he noticed that Alex was staring. _Okay, so, good wardrobe choice, Guerin._

As soon as he was in the bathroom, Alex just had to lean against the door for a minute, eyes closed, trying to breathe. _Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck._ Was he doing it on purpose? Michael looked fucking _amazing._ Jeans and a t-shirt should not be so fucking hot. Alex was pretty sure he’d never been so attracted to someone in real life. It wasn’t just that he was gorgeous, it was his _personality_ too. That sexy smile that made his skin prickle. Being a horny teenager _sucked._

It was hard to imagine that Michael would be interested in _him_ though. He’d given no indication that he was interested in guys. What were the odds that two gay boys would be rooming together? And even if he was gay, or bi, that didn’t mean he was interested in _him._ Alex sighed.

His body didn’t care that he was questioning if Michael could want him, it just cared about Michael’s ass in those jeans and that t-shirt clinging to his still-damp skin. He couldn’t help himself. He tried desperately to avoid imagining Michael sharing the shower with him, and touching him, and that wasn’t possible, and, ah, it didn’t take long.

Alex knew he was taking a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom, but he was slightly afraid to face Michael having just gotten off thinking about him, but eventually his hair was as perfect as it was going to get. Taking a deep breath, he went back into the bedroom.

Thankfully, Michael was at his at his desk munching on a PopTart and organizing his books so not looking at him. _Crisis averted._ Alex quickly put his laundry in the basket and got out socks. Vans today instead of Chucks? He had a pair of classic checker-boards that were pretty damned cool. Not currently in style, which is part of why he liked them, they were unique.

“Alex...are you wearing turquoise jeans?”

“Yes.” He stood up from grabbing his shoes. He was in turquoise jeans and a tight black v-neck. These jeans did great things for his ass, according to Maria, and they were one of his favorite pieces, since his dad _hated_ them. 

“Is that part of the emo look?” 

Alex grinned over at him from where he was putting his socks on. “I don’t know, I just really liked them when I saw them.”

“I’m seeing a whole new side of fashion that I didn’t even know existed,” Michael commented, amused. He watched Alex put on his shoes, then grab a few rings from the top of the dresser. “I actually really like those shoes.”

“Cool, huh? I like them because not everyone has them.”

When they got outside Michael noticed something. “Aw, Alex, did you pick your jeans to match my truck?”

Alex looked at the truck, and down at his legs. “No, but that’s really funny. Here,” he said, handing Michael his phone, “take my picture, I’ll send it to Maria, she’ll laugh.” He lounged against the side of the beat up vehicle, assuming his best model face.

It took Michael a couple tries to figure out how to use the camera on the phone, since he’d never actually _used_ an iPhone before, but eventually snapped a photo of his roommate being dramatic. “Okay, come see if you think it’s okay.”

Pulling his sunglasses off, Alex looked at the picture. “Very nice, I look ridiculous,” he laughed.

“You look pretty cute,” Michael commented. “It’s a good picture of you. You can pay for my photography skills in cash or sexual favors.” 

Alex blushed and laughed. “Thanks. I’ll put it on Facebook and promote your services.” 

Alex had Googled the banks in the area, and there was actually a credit union on campus that had good student accounts, so they went over there. The sun was unmerciful and they agreed that finding some kind of iced drink was required as soon as they were done. 

Michael was surprised by how easy it was to open a checking account, they even printed him a debit card there. He couldn’t get to the money for 24 hours, but still. He’d had no idea that he could actually get cash back from the checks he deposited, and they were set for thrifting. They gave him the information he’d need to have his financial aid deposited into the account. 

So why had half the people he’d lived with had problems with this? Probably because they were deadbeats that fostered kids for the money. It’s not like _all_ of the families he’d been placed with had been horrible, but not everyone had been equipped to deal with _him._

After acquiring frosty beverages, Alex navigated them to the nearest thrift store, a Goodwill that was a size neither of them had ever before seen. Michael was a Goodwill shopper, but he’d never been to this one. It had that faintly unpleasant Goodwill smell, but on a hot Monday afternoon, not many people were around. 

“Maybe you can find some posters for your side of the room,” Alex suggested. “What did you say you wanted? Muscle cars?” 

Micheal grinned at his teasing tone. “Okay, so I do not actually want muscle cars. But we can look.”

Like their trip to Target, they were unable to separate from each other to shop independently. Shopping at Goodwill was always an experience. Clothes were always the number one donation, and the racks were crammed with stuff. They took turns holding clothes up against themselves for the other to pass judgement. Jeans were easy, apparently someone Michael’s size had dropped off some fairly new pants. None of them were Alex’s style, but he pointed out that he had more jeans than anyone really needed. Shirts were a different matter, however.

“Look, Alex, this shirt might be almost too small for you.”

Alex rolled his eyes as he looked over. It was black, but clearly a kid’s shirt that was in the wrong section. “Hah, funny.” He pulled out a hot pink t-shirt with a picture of a guy fishing on it. “Here, this one would look great on you.”

“Hah, funny,” Michael mimicked. He kept looking through the hangers. “Hey, what do you think about this one?”

It was a cowboy shirt, and Alex could tell from where he was that they fabric had been worn soft. It was a close-woven plaid in blues, golds, and oranges. “I love it, see how it fits over your t-shirt.” He walked back over to Michael. “I’m not usually so much into cowboy shirts, but it suits you.”

_Hmmm, more compliments._ Michael shrugged the shirt onto his shoulders. “I think it would be too small, even without a shirt under it.” He had a brilliant flash of inspiration. “Here, you try it.”

“Okay,” Alex agreed, not sure how to say no with Michael smiling at him. He took the soft cotton shirt and put it on. Even with his t-shirt on, it fit nicely, and the look that Michael was giving him sealed the deal. 

“You look great.” Alex really needed to wear colors more often, he’d only seen him in black so far. “Almost-too-small.”

Alex laughed. “Okay, but if they revoke my emo card, it’s on you.” He held onto the shirt. 

“You need to wear colors more often.” He’d only seen him in black, it was ridiculous.

“Really?” Michael really had to stop with saying things that made him think he liked him. “I usually wear black.”

“I noticed,” Michael laughed. “You should get something else that’s an actual color.”

“You and Maria.” Alex turned back to the rack of shirts, wondering if he was actually glowing he was blushing so hard. “If I buy something else that’s a color, what will you do?”

_Strip it off your body with my teeth._ “Uh, I don’t know. What do you think I should buy that I don’t own? _Not_ skinny jeans.”

“Do you actually own anything black?”

“I have a black t-shirt but it’s on the verge of structural collapse.”

“Okay, I’ll buy colors, but you have to buy black, that sound like a deal?”

“Why, though?”

“Because you’ll look good in black.” 

Michael grinned at Alex’s attempt to look casual. _How long will we drag this out?_ “Okay, black it is.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, combing through the offerings. “Hey, Michael, what about this?”

He looked over to Alex, who was holding a button up shirt in a soft greyed lavender. It was extremely gay, and Michael wondered if Alex was trying to tell him something. “It’s pretty.” He walked closer and saw that the fabric looked impossibly soft. “Try it on.” 

Alex handed the plaid shirt to Michael and tugged the purple shirt into place over his t-shirt. “It fits, but is the color too pale?”

“Are you _actually_ asking me for fashion advice?”

Laughing, Alex slipped the shirt off his shoulders. “Sometimes light colors wash me out.”

“I don’t know about that, but it did look nice on you.” _Perfect for removing with my teeth._

They went back to browsing when Michael announced that he’d found the flannel section. Alex joined him to look through the shirts. “There’s nothing as useful as a flannel shirt,” Alex declared. “I have like five.”

“I have a couple, too. I can’t picture you in a flannel shirt.”

“Michael, really,” Alex intoned dramatically. “Band t-shirt, jeans, Chucks, flannel, beanie, skateboard? You can’t see this?”

“Well, not right now in your pastel pants,” Michael teased. He tried several colors and picked three in the blue and green ranges. Alex picked a red/black/dark blue combo that looked ridiculously good with his skin. “Okay, now I get what you were saying about colors. That looks good.” 

“You still haven’t found anything black,” Alex complained. Michael held out one of his flannels. “No, that’s not black. It’s blue and green.”

“I need more than just flannels, too.” He flipped through the shirts. “Hey, what about these?”

Alex looked to see that he’d pulled out three henleys with the tags still on them, black, white, and a dark olive green. “Okay, there’s one black shirt. You should get all of them.”

“Well, they were $15 when they were bought and $1.50 now, so it’s not like I can pass that up.”

“I love Goodwill.”

Michael eventually found a not-too-small black button up with pearl snaps that he liked, and a few soft t-shirts in warm colors. He held up the maroon shirt against Alex’s cheek. “Do you ever wear this color?”

“Yah, actually, I have two or three shirts.”

“We’ll have to make sure we don’t wear them on the same day.”

They were thumbing through coats when Alex spotted a dusty black denim jacket. “Do you like this? It seems very you.”

Michael took it from him, and turned it around. There was Navajo embroidery in black, grey, and white on the back. It looked old, like the wear on it wasn’t trendy factory distressing. “Yah, actually.” He tried it on, and it fit pretty much perfectly. “How do I look?”

_Like a wet dream._ “Amazing.” Alex couldn’t keep the stupid smile off his face. “I was right, it suits you.”

“And it’s black.”

They wandered over to the shoes, but Alex refused to let Michael buy any. “No, you cannot put your feet in shoes that someone else wore, that who knows how many people have touched, and that have sat here for god knows how long. Germs, Michael.”

“What’s the difference between Goodwill shoes and hand me downs?” He’d laughed as Alex ushered him out of the section. 

“You know the feet that have been in them. These people could have had gangrene on their toes, you have no idea. Just, all the no.” 

They discovered a mutual weakness for cheap books. “How can I _not_ buy a new copy of _The Grapes of Wrath_ when there’s one here for _ten cents?”_

“I really didn’t enjoy that book.” Alex held up a copy of Shakespeare’s sonnets bound in burgundy leather. “How is this only _a dollar?”_

“Do you like Shakespeare?” 

“Sometimes. I’d rather actually see a play or movie than just read it. But some of the sonnets are nice.”

“You know some were supposedly written to a man, right?”

Alex laughed. “But didn’t you see _Shakespeare in Love?_ It was just Gwyneth Paltrow dressed as a man.”

Michael laughed at that. “My senior English teacher tried to claim that just meant his patron was a man, but I don’t know.”

Alex flipped through the book, it was in perfect condition, but had the old book smell. “Do you have any favorites?”

“Plays? Probably MacBeth. Sonnets? I don’t know, I’d have to look for the one I liked, it might be 72? 73?”

Alex handed him the book, and Michael thumbed through it. “Here, 73.”

_“That time of year thou mayst in me behold  
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang   
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,   
Bare ruin’d choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.  
In me thou see’st the twilight of such day  
As after sunset fadeth in the west;  
Which by and by black night doth take away,   
Death’s second self, that seals up all in rest.  
In me thou see’st the glowing of such fire,   
That on the ashes of this youth doth lie,  
As the death-bed whereon it must expire,  
Consumed with that which it was nourisht by.  
This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,  
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.”_

“Okay, and you think _I’m_ emo?”

Michael laughed. “Which one is your favorite?”

Alex flipped through the book. “I think it’s 116.” He decided to copy Michael and recite it.

_“Let me not to the marriage of true minds  
Admit impediments. Love is not love  
Which alters when it alteration finds,   
Or bends with the remover to remove;  
O no! It is an ever-fixed mark,  
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken,  
It is the star to every wandering bark,  
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.  
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks  
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;  
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,  
But bears it out, even to the edge of doom.  
If this be error, and upon me proved,  
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.”_

“That’s the most romantic sonnet, it has to be,” Michael concluded. “And again, to a man.”

Alex chuckled nervously. “My English teacher said that was a general ‘man’ as in ‘mankind.’”

“Do you believe that?” 

He wasn’t sure why Michael was pushing the issue. “I don’t know, but this is Shakespeare, so there could be a double or triple meaning.” _Yes, I’m gay Michael, is that what you’re asking?_

“You’re probably right. It’s pretty no matter what.”

They wandered over to the stack of what could loosely be described as art. There was a plush pink bulletin board with satin ribbons on top, which they were kind of afraid to touch to look beneath it. They were vaguely looking for anything that could be interesting or useful.

“Oh hey, I could use this.” 

Michael looked at what Alex was holding. “Well, that’s a much more practical bulletin board.” It was an ordinary cork board in a semi-ornate black frame. “You could glue skulls to it or something.”

“Or, not.” Alex leaned it against his knee while he pulled the framed art toward him. “Hey, you like looking at the stars, what about this?”

It was a framed poster print of a photo of the desert with sun just below the horizon, with every single color visible, and stars sparkling in the darkest part of the sky. The mountains were black silhouettes in the foreground. Michael loved it immediately. “That’s gorgeous.” The frame was just plain black, and the plastic wasn’t scratched or cloudy. “Good find. I like it.” He added it to his increasingly difficult to carry load. “What do you think about getting a small bookshelf if they have one for less than $20? I could put it under my bed, we can both use it.”

“That’s a really good idea. Let’s go look.” He watched Michael try to figure out what to do with everything. “Here, give me all the shirts, I’ll put them over my arm.”

“How is that different than me doing that?”

“I have one book to carry, you have seven.” He took Michael’s clothes, including the three pairs of jeans. “I’m also a professional shopping companion.”

Michael laughed. “Maria?”

“And my friend Liz. I don’t know how thrift stores refill fast enough for them to buy dresses.”

The house stuff section did have a couple of bookshelves, all in fairly bad repair, but one of them was calling Michael’s name. “It’s the only one that’s real wood,” he explained. “And look, it’s an antique, you can tell from the way the joints were made.” One of his ‘homes’ had included watching a lot of _Antiques Roadshow._ He looked at the sticker. “How is this only $12?” 

“How much do you think we’ve spent?”

“Combined? Like $100.”

Alex reiterated, “I love Goodwill.”

With extreme difficulty, they got their goodies up to the register. Even with the bookshelf, Michael spent less than $50. “Damn. That’s a good shopping day.”

On the way out, Alex took the bags and Michael carried the bookcase; he put it on the sleeping bag and tucked one of his blankets around it. “It should be safe enough.”

“We didn’t find you any sunglasses, though.”

“Damn it.” He shook his head. “I really should get new shoes, too.”

“Well, we can find stores that sell those things and drive to them, or we could lower ourselves to the level of going to the mall, where there will be shoes, sunglasses, and food.”

“What a concept, teenagers at the mall. Okay, let’s go.”

Coronado Center mall was your average shopping mall, but for Alex, who was from a tiny town, and Michael, who never really went shopping, it was kind of an adventure. Obviously, neither of them had loads of money to spend, and most of the stores were really geared toward women, but still. It was kinda cool. They just walked around for a while, looking in stores that seemed interesting and people watching. Until they found the food court.

“I’m starving.” 

Michael looked at Alex. “Why are you never just hungry? You’re always ‘starving.’”

Alex rolled his eyes. “I’m a drama queen? Excuse me, kind sir, but I hunger, can I impose upon you to allow me to acquire sustenance?” 

Laughing, Michael shoved him gently, mindful that somewhere on his body, something hurt. “Drama queen.” He figured Alex had never really been ‘starving’, and hoped that was never the case. It wasn’t a lot of fun. 

They both opted for pizza and shared garlic bread. There were large groups of teenagers congregating around different tables, but Michael and Alex both agreed they were somehow a lot less mature than they were. “Differences in life experience,” Michael suggested, and they left it at that.

Michael eventually found reasonably priced sunglasses at H&M, in which he teased Alex about all of the clothes that were his style (none of them were). Alex got a pair of sunglasses too, since they were buy one, get one half off. Of course, they had to try on all the different styles to laugh at each other. Alex privately thought Michael could pull off pretty much anything, he was so hot.

There were shoe stores, and stores with shoes, but Michael didn’t really know what he wanted, so they looked around quite a bit. Part of him really wanted the black and white shoes Alex was wearing, part of him feared that one day they’d try to leave the room in the same clothes since now they both had black jeans, maroon shirts, and black jackets. _How can we be this different and have matching outfits?_ He opted for plain black Vans with laces, which Alex declared not emo by virtue of the fact that they would match with everything. The price tag was outrageous for a fucking pair of shoes, but Alex pointed out that they’d last forever. _Yah right._

They spent the evening watching movies on Alex’s bed. Like the last time, Michael leaned in until their shoulders were touching, and smiled when Alex let his weight rest against him. He was tempted to try something, but stopped himself. First of all, Alex hadn’t explicitly stated that he was gay. It was obvious he was, but still. Making that assumption seemed rude, and he didn’t want Alex to feel obligated to tell him because he made a move on him. Second, he was obviously hiding something physically wrong with his body, most likely linked to abuse. As a person who’d been knocked around, unexpected touching of any kind was uncomfortable, and there was the chance that Alex would feel pressured to share his secret to avoid getting undressed, or he’d be terrified of needing to get undressed and freak out, ruining any chances of future good times. Third, there was the very real possibility that Alex, being gay and from a small town, had never had any kind of intimate or romantic experiences. Might not have even ever kissed someone. Michael didn’t want Alex to regret his first kiss, and he didn’t want to end up having sex and have Alex think he’d just been a convenient fuck because he was the only one around. Most importantly, though, he wanted to take his time, he wanted to really _know_ Alex, and wanted Alex to know _him._ Know about his past, and his hopes and fears, his powers - he wanted a real relationship with Alex, and they needed to be at a point of trust where he could share this stuff before they could date. If they got together now, and he discovered down the line that he really _couldn’t_ trust Alex that far, it would be so much worse than waiting until he was sure of him to try dating. 

So for now, he’d enjoy the build up, enjoy falling in love with him, and take it easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote this, I wasn't aware of what a tool the CEO of Goodwill was, he wants to leave $90 billion to Trump so he keeps making money off the backs of handicapped people. I had no idea and now I'm sickened. That said, in 2008, Michael and Alex would not have had a lot of thrifting choices, and they would most likely have gone to Goodwill, as even in 2008 we knew that the Salvation Army denied help to LGBTQ+ people. Charity is complicated. I don't ever want to throw clothes away because there are zillions of plus sized girls out there who can't find clothes, but I've got to find a better solution than Goodwill.
> 
> Chapter Title: These Are Days by 10,000 Maniacs


	5. Over My Head (Cable Car)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting early because I can. I added 'slow burn' and 'friends to lovers' to the tags...I hadn't really thought of this as slow burn until my best friend ranted at me that she was going to kill me if they didn't kiss soon. And then several readers have commented on it, so clearly it's 'slow burn.' Don't worry, they'll kiss...at some point. I mean, it has an 'explicit' rating for a reason.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/48926630032/in/dateposted-public/)

Tuesday morning, Alex woke up first. He checked his phone, it was only 7:45. Michael was still sound asleep, lying on his side, facing Alex. Curls were across his forehead, his cheeks were flushed, and Alex was pretty sure he’d never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life.

There was just something about Michael, something that made him feel warm and cared-for. The other boy didn’t know anything about his past other than that he was from Roswell and his dad was an asshole, but still did and said all the right things to make him feel wanted. They teased each other, but Michael had never said anything mean or hurtful. Yesterday, he’d wondered if he’d hurt Alex’s feelings when they were shopping, and had apologized (his feelings hadn’t been hurt, Michael had been relieved). They were completely different, and still enjoyed doing things together. It was clear that Michael wasn’t faking having fun with him, he was really enjoying himself. Alex wasn’t sure if Michael could fake much of anything, he was so out there with all of his reactions. Not talking endlessly about himself, he hadn’t just thrown out his entire life story after knowing him a couple days, but he was extremely genuine in how he acted and reacted. Either that, or he was the world’s best actor.

And dear god, he wanted him.

The idea of being loved by Michael was...unbelievable. Unless he turned out to be radically different than he seemed right now, Alex couldn’t imagine how he was _not_ going to fall in love with him. He kept saying things and doing things that made him wonder if he _liked_ him, and it was such an amazing dream. How many guys gave each other compliments like they had over the last couple days? Michael’s tone had been just on the edge of flirtatious so many times since they’d moved in. And he was so gorgeous. _I didn’t realize curly hair and light brown eyes could be my thing._ He wanted to run his hands through Michael’s hair so badly. Yesterday, after using his own shampoo, it had been beautiful. 

But...he’d done literally nothing, had no idea how dating worked, and was pretty sure that coming onto a guy who you didn’t know was into guys was a good way of ruining a friendship and making a roommate situation very awkward. It didn’t matter that _he_ liked Michael. What he wanted didn’t matter. What mattered was if _Michael_ liked him. And if he did...how would he explain why he wasn’t going to get naked? How could he date someone that he was afraid of telling about, well, everything? As much as crawling into Michael’s bed and snuggling sounded like the best idea in the world, he didn’t really _know_ Michael, and had no idea how he’d react to _anything_ of substance. But god, he wanted to just unburden himself. Not even Maria knew the full extent of what he’d gone through with his dad; the repercussions of adults learning just how much physical and psychological abuse were happening would have lead to child protective services being called, an investigation, trouble for his dad with the Air Force, and the retribution for all of that would have probably been worse than _anything_ he could have previously imagined. Up until now, his dad had never broken any of his bones. He wondered if Evan had _really_ fallen mountain biking when he was in middle school, but they’d never discussed any other reason for the bruises and broken arm. The worst part, though, was when he was _nice._ He’d take them camping and it would actually be _fun._ They’d made trips to the zoo in Albuquerque, gone skiing at Taos, taken friends out to the desert to blow off crazy fireworks. They’d be riding the high of having a great time and feeling loved, and then the betrayal of getting beaten with a belt or punched in the gut was so much _worse._ He was pretty sure Michael would understand, and care, and _not_ tell anyone. _I don’t need that drama in my life. I’m finally out of the house. That’s enough._

“What are you thinking so hard about over there?”

Alex looked at Michael, grinning at the role reversal. “Overthrowing the government.” _Falling head over heels for you. _

“Awesome. They don’t stand a chance.” Michael stretched. “What time is it?”

“Almost 8:00. I have no idea why I’m awake.”

“Probably because this is a normal time to wake up.”

“No.” Alex laughed when Michael did. “I guess I can take a nap later.” At Michael’s raised eyebrow, he defended himself with, “What? I like sleeping.”

“I like sleeping too. I can’t remember the last time I took a nap.”

“I don’t get them very often, only if my dad was gone on a weekend or during, like, winter break, when he wouldn’t yell at me for being lazy.” He paused. “It’s energy conservation, not laziness. What if there was an emergency? I’d need to be prepared to run or whatever.”

“Y’know, I’ve had this thought a ton of times now, but you are a huge dork.”

Alex laughed. “Thanks.” He yawned. “I guess that makes you, like, dork-adjacent.” 

Micheal almost choked laughing. “‘Dork-adjacent?’”

“Yah, like, angles. We have the same trajectory, school, and you’re stuck to me.”

“Dude, that is fucking hilarious,” Michael laughed.

“Am I an acute angle, because I’m acutely dorky? Or would I be a wider angle, since I’m a huge dork?” Alex was laughing almost as hard as Michael. “These are important questions.” He waited a second. “But I’m not obtuse, I understand that I’m a dork.”

That set Michael off again. “Fuck, Alex, you’re a dork just for making a math joke.”

“I’m pretty proud of that, actually.” 

“You actually should be.” _He is so fucking cute._

Making Michael laugh continued to be Alex’s favorite activity. He had a really nice laugh, and his smile was...radiant. _What the fuck, Manes, this is not a romance novel. Chill out._ He watched Michael jump down from his bed. “What do you want to do today?”

“Well, you told me the grant will just be applied to my tuition balance, right? And then it will all just be cash deposited to my account?”

“Yah, I double checked. But we can call the financial aid office, or just go over there to make sure, since you have different grants than I do.”

“That might be a good idea. But what I was thinking was, I have enough from my awards to get a phone and a computer. Don’t I need a computer to set up my phone?”

Alex nodded. “If you get an iPhone, yes. Android phones don’t really require it but it’s recommended to back up your data.”

“Hang on, and you can try to sell me on an iPhone.” Michael headed into the bathroom. 

Alex checked his text messages. Maria had texted him three times while he was asleep.

_Maria: Are you dead or something?_

_ Maria: Did you lose your phone?_

_ Maria: Hello????_

He had kinda been ignoring his phone to hang out with Michael.

_Alex: Im a shitty friend_

_ Alex: Ive been hanging out with Michael like a lot_

_ Alex: In my defense hes fucking amazing_

_ Alex: I cant wait for u to meet him_

He checked his email while he was waiting to see if Maria would text back.

_Maria: How is he so “amazing”?_

_ Maria: And why are you up at 8am? Are you a pod person?_

_ Alex: Hes gorgeous_

_ Alex: Sweet _

_ Alex: Funny_

_ Alex: He makes me feel safe_

_Maria: Did you know it’s possible to include multiple thoughts in one text message? Like, actual sentences. And punctuation, even._

Alex rolled his eyes.

_Alex: Stfu_

_Alex: We went thrifting_

_Alex: It was so much fun he got me to buy colors youll be so happy_

_Maria: I’m shocked. What did he buy?_

_Alex: A bunch of everything but i made him buy black_

_Alex: But he looks good in every color _

_Maria: How serious is this crush?_

_Alex: Scale of 1-10? 20_

He was probably underestimating the crush. 

_Alex: Its amazing_

_Alex: I feel safe with him ❤_

_Maria: I know that’s a big deal for you. Are you going to ask him out?_

_Alex: Idk he might not even like guys_

_Alex: And theres stuff idk if i can tell him yet_

_Alex: Like about dad_

_Alex: I have a bad bruise rn _

_Alex: And scars_

_Alex: I dont know him well enough yet_

_Maria: Oh, Alex, baby you didn’t tell me! How bad is the bruise?_

Alex blinked tears away. Sometimes kindness made it hurt worse.

_Alex: Its obviously not an accident_

_Alex: I dont even want u to see it_

_Alex: k? _

_Alex: Dont ask i really dont want to show it to anyone_

_Maria: Alright, I won’t ask. *hugs* _

_Alex: Ilu _

_Maria: I love you too. ❤_

_Maria: What’s the amazing Michael doing?_

_Alex: Hes in the bathroom_

_Maria: Any plans with the amazing Michael for the day?_

_Alex: Buy a phone and computer_

_Alex: Then probably do 5000000 windows updates the rest of the day_

_Maria: LOL_

_ Maria: Tell him I say hi._

_ Alex: k_

Alex looked up to see that Michael was just lounging against the end of his bed with an amused look on his face. “The faces you make when you’re texting are almost as funny as your geometry joke.” 

“How long have you been standing there?”

“A while.”

“Sorry. Maria thought I was dead. We usually text constantly and I’ve been busy. She says hi.”

“I’m looking forward to meeting her.”

“If you don’t use proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation in your texts she’ll give you shit about it.”

Michael laughed. “Got it.”

“Did you get your student ID when you registered?”

“Yah, why?”

“We need to put money on them so we can do laundry. You can’t wear Goodwill clothes without washing them.”

“Fuck, I didn’t think about laundry.”

Alex laughed. “I have detergent. We can just throw everything in together.”

They threw clothes on to head to the financial aid office so that Michael could make sure the tech grant wasn’t weird. The one nice thing about being up this early was that it wasn’t quite as hot. “I can’t wait for winter,” Alex complained. 

“Will you bitch about being cold in the winter?”

“Yes. But in the winter I can stick a beanie on my head when my hair looks like shit. And I can always put on more layers in the winter. You can only take off so much clothing without getting arrested.”

“Your hair looks fine. You could wear a baseball cap.” Michael had one on as they spoke.

“I had one I actually liked, but I have no idea what happened to it. My dad probably threw it away because it was gay or something.”

“What did it look like?”

“It was black and had Japanese-tattoo-style koi fish embroidered on it. I guess it was too gay.”

“You can get any kind of hat you want now.”

“True,” Alex answered, brightening. “I’ll try to find one that’s gayer,” he joked.

“Your dad sounds like a real dick.”

“That doesn’t begin to describe him.”

The financial aid office confirmed that the grants and scholarships would just be dispersed in a lump sum, not differentiated just because of their names. This cleared up their questions, so they started talking about shopping as they walked away. The helpful financial aid woman, who probably dealt with teenagers with sudden money all the time, recommended Michael let his bank know that his first purchase was going to be a large sum so they didn’t flag it as fraud. They were profusely thankful for that information, and went over to the credit union to clear that up. Then they went shopping. 

As far as Michael was concerned, taking Alex to Best Buy was the worst decision he’d ever made. Or possibly the best. The jury was still out.

He’d suspected that, since Alex was going to be a professional computer geek, he’d geek out at Best Buy. He had not anticipated the true extent of the geeking out.

Alex seemed to know the specs of _every_ computer. Wanted to explain every feature. Went into detail about the different processors. Talked about graphics cards and sound cards and video cards and wireless cards and Michael just let it wash over him and eventually stopped hearing actual words. He decided it was time for action.

“Stop.” He put his hand over Alex’s mouth. “Stop.” He didn’t take his hand away. He could see that Alex was laughing his ass off now. “I’ll take my hand away if you promise to stop talking.”

Alex nodded, and took a few moments to laugh before attempting to compose himself. “Okay. Sorry.”

“You’re not sorry.”

“No I _am_ sorry, I forget that I’m a geek. Okay, let’s narrow it down with a few pointed questions instead of me just rambling about everything we see. Let’s start broad: Mac or PC?”

“PC. Macs don’t run the programs I need.”

“How much do you want to spend?”

Michael rolled numbers around in his head. “Under a grand.”

“Okay. Are you going to take up online gaming?”

“Who has time for that?”

“Okay. Speakers?”

“Top quality.”

“Okay, Harman Kardon then. You’re probably going to be running CAD programs so fast processor with maximum RAM. Do you think you’ll need a massive hard drive?”

“I have no idea.”

“Portable storage is always an option. If you’re running CAD, you’ll want a wider screen, but that means it will be heavier.”

“I don’t care?”

“If it’s bigger than 15 inches you’ll probably have to get a new backpack, but 17 inches would probably be better for graphics-heavy work.”

“My backpack is on the verge of being a Sunday-only item, so a new one is probably a good idea.”

Alex gave him a look of utter confusion. “Huh?”

“You know, too holey/holy?” 

“And I’m a dork?” 

“You are 100% dork. Like, on a genetic level.”

“Shut up.”

With a more structured list of what they were looking for, they narrowed down the options to two computers. Toshiba was more expensive but had higher quality speakers. Sony was cheaper and had a better graphics card.

“I don’t know, Alex, they’re essentially the same.” He watched his roommate messing around on the Sony. “What are you doing?”

“Here, let’s listen to the speakers.” He pulled up YouTube and picked the video of _Clair de Lune_ with the most favs, and turned up the volume. It was nice. Not amazing, but not bad.

“Okay, same piece, on the Toshiba.” Alex pulled up _Clair de Lune_ again.

It was not nice.

It was so much more than nice.

Michael’s decision was made in the first four measures. “Yep, this one.”

“Okay, so here’s the bad part,” Alex explained. “We will _never_ find anyone to help us.”

“Why?”

“Because this is Best Buy. Watch this. Follow me.”

Michael followed Alex through the aisles until they spotted an employee. He spotted them, and suddenly had somewhere he had to be. He frowned. They moved to a different part of the store where three employees were talking to each other. When they approached, they all went different directions. He frowned harder. A third employee was located, and reluctantly allowed them to walk up to him. His annoyance and boredom were _not_ well concealed. 

“Hi, can I help you?”

“Yah,” Alex answered, “We need to get a computer?” 

Big sigh. “Okay, show me which one.”

They showed him. And he promptly started selling them on a different computer that was more expensive. He became animated when he talked about all of the great features of this more expensive computer, focusing heavily on gaming, graphics, and sound mixing.

Michael interjected. “I’m not really interested in any of those things. I don’t game. I don’t record music.”

According to Don, this computer was a better investment. 

“Is it more durable or something? Have a better warranty? Better service plan?”

No, but GeekSquad would cover it and there was an extended warranty.

“That’s on all computers, right?”

Well, yes it was, what a shock. 

Alex and Michael both started moving away from Don and his preferred computer, and he was forced to follow. “No, really, this is the computer we want. I went over the specs, it’s what we need at this price point.”

Michael watched Alex argue with Don about why the computer they’d picked was what Michael should buy. 

Apparently there was a point when Alex, sweet, funny, helpful Alex, was _done._

“Okay, Don,” Alex started, in a completely different tone. Still not rude. He held up his hand, and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he was much less enthusiastic about technology and much more firm. “That’s enough.” He just held Don’s gaze for a moment. “I’m not going to argue with you anymore. This is the computer that Michael chose based on _his_ needs. It was an informed decision, all of the available options were considered, and pros and cons thoroughly weighed. I am not open to further discussion.”

And then Michael watched Alex stare him down. 

It was really hot.

_And I thought I was fucked before. He’s not just cute, he’s kind of a badass when he wants to be._

Don acquiesced and unlocked the cage to get the computer. “Do you want me to ring it up for you back here?” He sounded very pleasant.

“No, we have more shopping to do, can you take it up front?”

“I can hold it back here if you want to grab something real quick.”

The pleasant smile that Alex gave Don was so full of spite that Michael had to turn away to keep from laughing. “No, that’s alright, I don’t want to keep you sitting back here watching it while you’re busy.”

Don apparently realized he’d been defeated, and said that the computer would be at the front. They went their separate ways.

In front of the display of software, Alex finally cracked and started laughing silently. That set Michael off, and they just stood there laughing, trying not to make too much noise. 

“I don’t need anything else, do I? We could have just bought it back here.” 

Alex was wiping tears away. “Well, you actually do, that one didn’t come with Microsoft Office and you’ll absolutely have to have it to do anything for school. If you’re using design programs, you’ll need a mouse. I brought a surge protector, but you need one. But, most importantly, because he’s not ringing it up, he won’t get credit for the sale _or_ for selling the protection plan.”

“Damn, Alex, you are _savage._” Michael felt nothing but respect. Okay, also arousal, amusement, and disbelief, but mostly respect. “Remind me not to piss you off.”

“As long as you’re not trying to rip me off, you’re safe. I know my shit.”

“Where did that attitude come from?”

Alex raised an eyebrow.

“Right, your dad.”

“So aside from software and peripherals for you, I wanted to look at iPhone speakers. And possibly movies.”

Michael was relieved to see that Alex was not nearly as much of a geek about the rest of the store as he was the computer section, because he really couldn’t handle that level of enthusiasm from someone more than once in a day. Alex decided their iPhone accessories were overpriced, and none of the new movies were calling his name. 

“I actually _do_ like online gaming,” Alex commented as they were walking back to the front. “But most of the big games online have monthly fees and you can pay to unlock items or levels. I don’t have that kind of money, and there was no way my dad was going to pay for a _game.”_

“I’ve played Mario Kart for Wii, does that count?”

Alex laughed. “No, but Mario Kart is fun, a lot of Wii games are fun, just geared toward a younger demographic. I love video games, I’m jealous of everyone with an Xbox or PS3.”

“I can see that. Fits in well with your emo-skater-geek identity.”

“Thanks, I think.”

“I haven’t had a lot of chances to play video games.” The smile Alex gave him was so brilliant it was almost blinding. “What?”

“Well,” he began, “If we don’t murder each other over the course of the year, and if we, you know, potentially shared an apartment, we could pool resources for a game system. Especially if we have other roommates.”

Michael felt something in his chest squeeze, in the vicinity of his heart. _He’s thinking about staying with me next year._ “Sweet.” 

Paying for the computer was almost a source of physical pain for Michael. He’d never paid for anything that was $900 before. It was almost an incomprehensible amount of money. It made him vaguely nauseated and he wondered if he should go back to the room and lay down.

“I recommend we go back to campus to put your computer up before we go find you a phone, I don’t trust leaving it in your truck.”

“Fuck, no,” Michael agreed vehemently. There was no way he was leaving something this fucking expensive in his truck. 

They made sure the computer and all of its accessories were safely ensconced on Michael’s desk before they talked about going back out. Alex started to speak, but stopped and laughed.

“What?”

“I was about to say ‘I’m starving’ but since that’s ‘dramatic’ how about I’m hungry, do you want to get food?”

Michael laughed. “Sure. You can try to sell me on phones and plans and stuff while we eat.”

They found themselves at a small Chinese restaurant, more like fast food than a real restaurant. Michael had no idea what to order, but based on his love of sweet and spicy mixes, Alex suggested spicy honey chicken. It was a good choice. They ended up eating half of each other’s food anyway. They made a note to come back because the egg rolls were _amazing_ and you could get them in packages of 10 for $7.00.

While they ate, Alex explained the relative benefits of iPhones versus Androids, and the pros and cons of going with Samsung instead of HTC for Android, and the apps available right now for both platforms. “Android is more customizable, since anyone can get developer access and it’s built from a Unix kernel. That said, they’re buggy, there are fewer apps, and you have to use a second device for music. Most people with Android phones still have an iPod because iTunes is the only real way to legally download music, and it doesn’t work with Android.” 

“Okay, so pros and cons of iPhones?” Michael hid a smile at Alex’s absolute seriousness on the topic. It was a fucking phone.

“Well, obviously, if you have an iPhone, you can store all of your music on it, and it will be a phone and iPod at the same time. You can use iTunes to create hard backups of your data so that if something happens and the phone has to be wiped, you can reinstall from your last backup.” Alex gestured with his egg roll. “Most app developers are programming for iOS, seeing if the app is successful and/or profitable, and only then deciding if they’re going to produce an Android version of the app. There are more apps, because Apple has had this system going for longer.” 

“So what are the cons?”

“Well,” Alex began, “true computer geeks generally frown on Apple products as inferior because they don’t do the same things as PCs, they’re more expensive, and are more ‘user’ focused than ‘expert’ focused. Apple products aren’t modifiable, which bugs geeks because customizing and tinkering are how you prove you’re smarter than the original developer.” Alex grinned when Michael laughed. “Sometimes iTunes and Windows simply do not get along, but if you uninstall the program and reinstall it, it usually fixes the problem. It’s a pain in the ass, but it’s doable. But the biggest problem is that Steve Jobs is silently judging you for connecting your Apple product to a Windows computer.”

Michael laughed, amused by Alex’s final argument. “If it was up to you, you’d get an iPhone, right?”

Alex nodded. “Yah, I really like mine. I mean, iPhone and Android are pretty much the same if you’re just going to text and make calls. I wanted to be able to store music on it and be able to back it up easily.”

“Huh.”

“An important selling point is always the deal that the carrier is running for the phone. Discounts are a big incentive.”

“Makes sense.”

In the end, proximity was what sold Michael on T-Mobile, since there was a store in the same shopping center with the Chinese restaurant. They did indeed have a deal for iPhones with prepaid accounts, so a phone and a plan were acquired and they headed back to campus. Alex warned Michael that the rest of the day would be tedious and probably frustrating but mostly just boring and annoying, and wrapped up his description with an explanation that he was out of adjectives for the experience of setting up a new computer and phone.

Michael soon learned why. Updates.

“The downside of Windows is the constant fucking updates,” Alex complained. “You’re going to be updating software and drivers for a while.”

Dear god, it was annoying and boring. 

Eventually Michael declared that he needed a break from doing something this fucking boring and flopped down on his bed. “Are you sure this is worth it?” he joked.

Alex laughed. “Yah, it is.” He was still looking at Michael’s screen. “It’s going to be at least 45 minutes until this Windows update finishes, I decree that it is nap time.”

“I don’t know if I can actually take a nap, but laying here and not looking at the update screen is good enough.” He watched Alex stand up and stretch. _How is he so sexy fully clothed?_

“I can fall asleep really easily, but I’m a light sleeper. I wake up every hour when I take a nap.” _Just in case Dad comes home and decides to beat the shit out of me for being lazy._

“I’m always a light sleeper.” _You never know who’s going to sneak into your room._ “I’ve slept better in the last couple days than in the last couple years.”

“Same here,” Alex agreed. They just looked at each other, unspoken understanding between them. “Just in case, I’ll set an alarm for 5pm.”

Michael laughed. “Okay.”

“Even I have limits on sleeping,” Alex defended. “I don’t nap past 5pm.” _Even if Dad is out of town._

Michael watched Alex climb up into his bed carefully, and frowned. _It’s either his back or his ribs. The guy is a skater, there’s no way his skateboard can be that thrashed without him actually being good at it. If he’d hurt himself skating, I know he would have told me. His dad beat the shit out of him and I’m going to kill the asshole._ He quickly looked away so Alex wouldn’t catch him staring with a look of pure, unadulterated _fury_ on his face. They’d never so much as held hands and he still thought of Alex as _his_ to love and protect. It was too soon to go there, but his heart didn’t give one single fuck.

Alex moved around until he was comfortable, and turned on his left side so he could see Michael. The other boy was still flopped on his back, looking at the ceiling. _It would be really nice to cuddle with him,_ he thought, even thinking softly, as if Michael would hear him. Alex craved physical affection, he was a touchy person, and he was feeling slightly bereft without Maria and Liz to hug him a couple times a day. He figured that a hug from Michael was out of the question right now, but would be _so_ nice. It didn’t even have to be romantic or sexual, just being touched would be enough. Not that romantic and/or sexual would be a bad thing. It was so conflicting and confusing to think about how much he wanted Michael and how much he didn’t want Michael to find out about...everything. He really wanted to trust him, but he also didn’t want the questions and accusations that would come with seeing his fucking ribs.

At some point, he drifted off, and predictably, woke up about an hour later to see that Michael had _also_ fallen asleep. Alex had no desire to wake Michael up to keep working on the computer when he could go back to sleep himself, but his bladder had other ideas. He slid out of bed carefully, and was relieved to see that his trip to the bathroom hadn’t woken him up. More sleep sounded like a great idea, but so did finishing the computer set up so that when Michael woke up, it was all done for him. Quietly, he sat down and started working on it, making sure it was muted so the various Windows noises wouldn’t disturb him. 

When Alex had finished (survived) all of the updates, he went ahead and installed Office and downloaded iTunes. Michael’s phone was charged, so he could set it up when he woke up. He made a mental note to order him a long charging cable for his bed, they were like $5 on Amazon. He installed Chrome and made sure it was the default browser because fuck Internet Explorer and its slow-ass loading. The generic Windows wallpaper would _not_ do, however, so he found a nice hi res photo of the night sky to set as Michael’s desktop. He could always change it if he wanted. On a whim, Alex pulled out his pirated copy of Adobe Photoshop CS and installed it with the help of a security key generator. It wasn’t the newest version, but it was still okay. Neither of them were graphic design majors, and it was perfectly adequate for making quality memes.

“Hey, what’re you doing?”

Alex looked up to see Michael’s sleepy face looking down at him. “Finishing the setup for you.”

“Hmm, thanks. I guess I did fall asleep.”

“You even slept longer than I did.”

“Crazy.” Michael climbed out of bed and narrowly avoided kissing the top of Alex’s head out of thanks. _Fuck._ Affection just came so naturally when Alex smiled at him. “You’re the best.”

“I know.”

Michael laughed. “Be right back.”

Alex just sat there for a second. Sleepy Michael was _adorable._ Morning Michael seemed to be awake and aware a lot faster than post-nap Michael. _ Oh my god this crush is going to destroy me. _

His phone chimed and he got up and grabbed it. 

_Maria: How is the amazing Michael?_

_ Alex: You always text when hes in the bathroom_

_ Alex: Hes even cuter when he wakes up from a nap_

_ Maria: Did you nap together? 😉 _

_ Alex: I wish_

_ Alex: Unless separate beds at the same time counts as together_

_ Maria: Nope. You should work on that. 😁 _

_ Alex: 😳 _

_ Alex: I blush just thinking about him_

_ Alex: Crush level 100/10 seriously_

_ Maria: That’s pretty bad. Up 80 points from this morning._

_ Alex: You didnt see him all sleepy and cute _

“Seriously, the faces you make.”

Alex looked up from his phone. “I had no idea I made faces when I text. Now I’m self-conscious.”

“Hey, now that I have a phone I could secretly take a video.” Michael’s grin was probably illegal in New Mexico.

“Greeeeaaat…” Alex smiled when Michael laughed. “Want to set up your phone? I installed iTunes for you, you just need to make an Apple ID and get things the way you want. And download at least one song, it’s an iPhone.”

“Okay.” He sat down and Alex joined him. “What do we do?”

Alex connected the cable to the computer. “I’m going to assume you know how to use a computer?”

Michael laughed. “Yes.” _Sort of._

“Okay. When you connect your phone, it should autolaunch iTunes, but it takes forever, so you’re going to think it’s not working.”

“Gotcha.” 

Michael got stuck on what to name is phone. “I guess I can just leave it named Michael’s iPhone.”

“You can always change it later.”

“What’s yours called?”

“Right now it’s Disenchanted but once while I was updating and went to the bathroom, Maria changed it to ‘sk8rboi’ and it took weeks for me to notice.” He spelled it for Michael and watched him laugh. 

“Isn’t that a dumb song?”

“Yes, by a poser girl.” Alex didn’t want to be sexist so he clarified. “There are plenty of girls that skate, Avril Lavigne just wants to look like a skater to sell albums.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a video or anything.”

“She’s actually really pretty, and looks good in typical skater stuff and eyeliner, but we all know she’s fake. She sings pop music.”

Michael shook his head. “You’re passionate about this.”

Alex laughed. “Not really, it’s just a running joke.”

In the end, Michael just left his phone named ‘Michael’s iPhone’ for the time being and made a mental note to think of something more interesting. True to his promise, he downloaded _Our Song_ by Taylor Swift as the first song on his phone, making Alex blush which made him even cuter in Michael’s opinion and made him a little more sure that Alex liked him back. 

“Okay, dude,” Michael started, “Don’t I need to take a selfie as the first picture on it like a true teenager?”

“Duh,” Alex answered dramatically. He was surprised by Michael’s next move, though. 

Michael scooted close to Alex, and put his arm around his shoulders before snapping the picture of Alex looking shocked and blushing and him grinning. “You look terrified. Smile this time.” He snapped a picture of Alex laughing with him, and decided it was the best picture he’d ever taken. “Fantastic.”

“Text it to me.” 

“Show me how?”

“Sure.” 

“I’m pretty sure I’ll figure out how to use the phone in a couple days.”

“It’s pretty easy once you just play around with it. We can look at apps if you want.”

“I kinda want to take a break from technology for a while.”

Alex’s alarm promptly went off, announcing that it was 5pm. “Apparently, my phone agrees.”

Michael chuckled. “Want to go for a walk?” He felt restless and needed to see the sky. 

“Sure,” Alex answered, shrugging. “Take your phone, you can take more selfies,” he joked. 

They ended up walking all over campus, just talking about random stuff. Technology, the apps Alex liked, Michael’s favorite songs to download, the scenery, their classes, how hot it was, how much they both liked thunderstorms. Michael snuck a picture of Alex with the wind ruffling his hair and the sun making his skin glow. They eventually ended up at the Starbucks by campus. Whereupon Alex discovered that Michael had only been to Starbucks _twice._ And had just gotten _coffee._

“It is my sacred duty to introduce you to Frappuccinos,” Alex vowed. “I strongly recommend caramel or java chip.”

Michael laughed. “Okay, what are they?”

“It’s like a coffee smoothie. The caramel one has caramel syrup in it and caramel sauce on top of the whipped cream. Java chip is mocha with cookie pieces in it. Both are amazing.” At Michael’s uncomprehending faced he clarified, “Mocha is chocolate.”

“We can get one of each and share.” 

“Awesome.”

Michael decided he liked caramel better, but java chip was still like an 8/10. Alex put both of them at a 9/10 compared to Cap’n Crunch on the secret menu or vanilla bean with raspberry, which tasted like cotton candy, both of which were like an 8.75/10. 

“I’m surprised there’s even a Starbucks in Roswell.”

“Tourists. Our McDonald’s looks like a flying saucer.”

“Jesus.”

“You should visit over one of our breaks. I’ll take you to the crash site.”

Michael’s breath caught. “Okay.” _That’s such a bad idea but fuck if I can say no._

It was dark when they got back to the residence hall. “Hey, did you ever notice our room is Valentine’s day? 2/14?”

Michael had, in fact, never thought about it. “Huh, I didn’t realize. That’s cute.”

They sat on Alex’s bed (because he actually made his bed) again to watch movies, interspersed with downloading free apps that seemed either fun or useful. Michael started out by leaning against Alex, and was happy when he reciprocated. 

Around 10pm (which he could check now that he had a phone) Michael realized that Alex had fallen asleep with his head on his shoulder, and his heart nearly exploded. Carefully, so he wouldn’t wake him up, he turned to kiss the top of his head. He was pretty sure he’d never been so happy to sit still in his entire life. He leaned his head gently against Alex’s, and just enjoyed the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't find a Chinese fast food restaurant in the same shopping center as a T-Mobile store to use an authentic photo, sorry. I can only search Albuquerque on Street View for so long before I go cross-eyed. Figuring out which iPhone Michael and Alex would have was kinda funny, since my sister works for Apple. I'd put crap in about iCloud and Dropbox and remembered that it was 2008 and those were not so much things. And yes, I know, you can put music on an Android phone, but Alex doesn't think it's a thing. I didn't get an iPhone until the 6S came out (when my sister gave me her 6 to replace my poor broken HTC Android), and up until then I really did just have an iPod and a phone. I couldn't decide if I wanted Alex to be a music thief or not, since he obviously pirates software and movies, but even if he does, he's still organizing it in iTunes.
> 
> Chapter Title: Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray


	6. You Learn

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/48971786337/in/dateposted-public/)

The rest of the week passed in no hurry at all, filled with laying around reading, Michael figuring out how modern technology worked, listening to music, and watching movies. Alex didn’t fall asleep on Michael’s shoulder again, and he thought that was a damned shame.

Alex had texted Maria the selfie that Michael took of the two of them, and she had not let it rest. She was absolutely certain that this was proof of Michael’s interest, but Alex was pretty sure it was just a friends thing. Still, he found himself looking at the picture sometimes, pining just a little. _It’s too soon._

Friday night Alex warned Michael that Maria would probably call at the crack of dawn to announce that she was on her way. Move-ins didn’t even start until 9am, but she’d want to talk about her preparation and departure.

“I’m not the one who hates mornings,” Michael argued.

“You’ve been getting up at 10am for the last three days, nice try.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t get up early if I want to.”

“Hah.”

And Saturday morning, Maria lived up to Alex’s expectations. His phone rang at 7:30. He hadn’t heard his phone actually _ring_ in over a week and _I Write Sins Not Tragedies_ scared the fuck out of him. He jumped, yelped, and grabbed the phone. “Oh my god, do you know what time it is?”

“I let you sleep an entire extra hour, get up. I’ll be there in like three hours.”

“I know I have a complicated beauty routine and all, Maria, but I don’t know if I needed three hours notice?” He heard Michael laugh. “You woke Michael up.”

“Good, he needs adequate time to prepare for my arrival.” 

“We’ll be sure to roll out the red carpet,” Alex replied sarcastically. “I knew you’d call on your way and somehow I’m still annoyed.” He listened to her laugh. “Can I call you back in five minutes?”

“I guess. Hurry up. I need to narrate the entire trip _in excruciating detail.”_

“Yeah.” Alex wasn’t sure he’d ever sounded so unenthusiastic. “I’ll call you back.”

Michael was laughing. “I take it Maria is on her way?”

“Yah.” Alex stretched carefully. Ribs still hurt. “I knew she’d call.” He crawled out of bed like a hungover sloth. “I’m going to hate my 7:30 classes.”

“I think that’s universal.”

After taking care of his personal needs and grabbing a banana, Alex climbed back on his bed and called Maria. “You’re on speaker,” he warned her as soon as she answered.

“Hi Michael!” 

Laughing, Michael called “Hi Maria,” back to her. 

“Why am I on speaker?”

“Can’t eat a banana and hold the phone.”

“What is it with you and fruit?”

“Yah, what is it with you and fruit?” Michael interjected.

“I’m sorry that I like bananas, jeez. Are you guys going to gang up on me for eating healthy snacks?”

“Probably,” Maria answered at the same time as Michael said, “Yes.”

“Great.” 

They heard noise in the background for a moment. “Mom says she’ll take us all to lunch after we move in. You too, Michael.” 

“Sweet.”

“What room are you in?”

“214. Valentine’s day.”

“Aw, that’s precious.”

“Are we going to stay on the phone the entire three hours?”

“Not if you promise to stay awake.”

“I promise.” 

“What about Michael?”

“He’s in the bathroom.”

“This is becoming a thing.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “You wake us up, we have to pee. Your own fault.”

“Uh huh. I’ll text you when we get to Albuquerque.”

“K.”

Unfortunately for Alex, he was looking directly at Michael in his fucking boxer briefs and t-shirt and god he looked sexy. It took every ounce of strength he possessed to not drool. Instead he leaned over the edge of the bed to drop the banana peel into the trash can. Michael even had nice _feet._ His legs were disturbingly gorgeous. And his ass didn’t bear mentioning. Okay, it did. It was begging for his hands to be on it. He was curious about the rest of his body, but since he wasn’t taking his own shirt off, he couldn’t really demand that of Michael.

“Do you want to take a shower first?”

Alex realized he was sort of staring into space thinking about Michael’s body. “No, you can.”

“Okay.” 

And then Michael pulled his shirt off over his head, and Alex was glad he didn’t have a banana to choke on. 

Michael hoped Alex was looking. He got out underwear and a shirt, and made sure to turn around and see...and yep. Eyes that wide shouldn’t be possible. He smirked and went into the bathroom.

“That was just cruel,” Alex whispered. “Oh my god.” Even his _back_ was beautiful. Hadn’t gotten too good a look at his chest, but what he saw did _not_ disappoint. He flopped backwards onto the bed. “I’m doomed.” 

He had to text Maria.

_Alex: He took his shirt off I’m fucking doomed_

_ Alex: Even his back is hot_

_ Maria: LOL_

_ Alex: Not funny I think he caught me staring_

_ Maria: I’m sure that’s why he took his shirt off._

_ Alex: No I think hes just comfortable with me now_

_ Maria: Alex, I swear to god, he likes you. _

_ Alex: Idk_

_ Alex: Dont get my hopes up_

_ Maria: Real question, though: chest hair?_

Alex felt himself blush.

_Alex: Perfect amount _

_ Alex: So fucking sexy_

_ Maria: Crush level?_

_ Alex: 200/10_

_ Maria: 100% increase over yesterday, just from losing a shirt. Wow._

_ Alex: In my defense he looks hot in just boxer briefs_

_ Maria: I know what you’re going to be thinking about in the shower._

_ Alex: I wish I could deny that _

_ Maria: Don’t even try._

While Alex was having a crisis in the bedroom, Michael was analyzing his own behavior under the scalding-hot water.

On the one hand, he’d wanted to take his shirt off so Alex would look at him. He had. He was pretty sure the attraction went both ways. On the other hand, he wanted Alex to feel less anxious about whatever injury he had, so had let him see his back. _The wide eyes could have been from seeing the scars._ That was an uncomfortable thought, but he didn’t think they were _that_ horrifying. Either way, he’d gotten wide eyes and blushing, so that was positive. _I know I’m not bad to look at, I just particularly want Alex to look at me._ Still not assuming anything, of course, and not ready to act on it, but increasing the tension just a tad at a time sounded like a good plan. _ I just can’t believe that he doesn’t like me,_ he thought, rationalizing it to himself. _ I mean, he told me my hair was beautiful, told me I’d look good in black, that smile of his, and he fell asleep on my shoulder. _ Alex had been slightly embarrassed by that, but Michael hadn’t made a big deal out of it, so Alex hadn’t been too self-conscious. _That was so sweet. He’s so cute, god._ Michael was curious about how Alex would act around other people he knew; they’d kind of just been glued to each other in their own little world for the last week. _Which has been so nice. Just to chill with another person that isn’t a chore to be around._ Being around Alex was actually comforting and relaxing. 

Eventually Michael actually did the showering part of taking a shower, not just the shower thoughts part of taking a shower, and did his usual practice of not using his hands turn off the water and get his towel. It felt good to use his powers, like a muscle that he really needed to stretch. God, if he could share that with Alex…

Alex had washed their Goodwill clothes, and he was wearing a new shirt that was a dusty maroon. Alex had told him that was called ‘heathered’ and it made no difference whatsoever. It was soft, it fit perfectly, and it would look good with the jeans he’d left over his desk chair.

As he combed out his hair, he wondered if he should start putting something in it make it look less...crazy. And realized he was, again, thinking of ways to impress Alex. _Jesus christ._ He had no idea what he’d use or who to ask without sounding like a moron. 

When he walked back into the bedroom, Alex was staring intently at his phone with his feet dangling off the edge of the bed. He had cute feet. And pretty hands. _I’m so desperate I’m trying to feel like seeing his feet is enough._ Micheal mentally shook his head. _I’m so fucked._

Alex looked up, and seeing that Michael had put his shirt on, he tried to throttle down his disappointment. _Get a hold of yourself, Manes._ But fuck, once was not enough. He tried to act normal. “So I _shouldn’t_ wear a maroon shirt and black jeans, is that what you’re telling me?”

Michael laughed. “You can, but we’ll look like dorks and Maria will definitely make fun of both of us and we’ll never live it down.”

“You don’t even know her, and yet, you’re right.” He laughed along with Michael. “I could wear a black shirt and maroon jeans.”

“Do you _have_ maroon jeans?”

“Maybe.” 

Michael rolled his eyes. “Why am I not surprised?”

Alex carefully climbed out of bed. “You really shouldn’t be. Colored jeans are kind of an emo/pop punk thing.”

“What about these palm tree pants you have on now?”

“These are a ‘gift from Maria’s mom’ thing. They’re so soft I don’t care if they have palm trees on them.”

Taking a chance on getting a really positive reaction, Michael pinched some fabric from Alex’s upper thigh to feel it. “Those are soft.” He patted his thigh when he let go. “I’m jealous.” _Yep, he’s blushing so hard his cheeks are probably visible from space._ The epitome of casual, Michael turned to grab his jeans and put them on.

_Oh holy fuck, Michael, you son of bitch. Please do that again._ “Um, okay, so I can’t stay in palm tree pants all day.” He busied himself getting out underwear, and decided a light purple Thrasher shirt would be fine for move in day, and hurried into the bathroom.

Alex gratefully stepped into the hot spray, trying to put thoughts of nearly-naked Michael out of his head and _utterly_ failing. His body was pretty happy that he was continuing to see Michael’s gorgeous body behind his eyelids, and oh god, he’d gotten off thinking about his roommate every day since they’d moved in. The idea that Michael might be getting off thinking about _him_ hurried things along _a lot._

He was done drying off and brushing his teeth, and had just put gel in his hair, when he realized he hadn’t brought any jeans in with him. “Fuck.” Hands sticky, he turned and craned his neck to see his legs, another “Fuck,” sneaking out because his side was still purple and twisting was agony. The welts were gone, though, not even a red mark left. “Thank god.” There were scars on the backs of his legs but they were really faint, Michael would have to be pretty close to his legs to see them. Objectively, Alex knew that he had nice legs. He ran regularly (when his ribs weren’t fucking broken), skated all the time, and was actually really _good_ at sports, regardless of what the homophobic assholes in his PE class said. Flint and Chris had both played football, and Alex had wanted to play soccer when he was a kid, but for some reason he wasn’t allowed to. _Probably because Mom left,_ he realized. _ No one to take me to practices._ He shook his head. “Don’t think about it.” Thinking about his mom took Alex down a dark path.

Alex quickly finished his hair. Maria gave him crap about being emo, and Michael had apparently psychically communicated with her about that, but he _didn’t_ wear his hair like an emo kid, with his bangs in his face, because he _hated_ not being able to see out of both eyes. He’d been sorta spiking it up in the front, but that was getting kinda old, so today he just left it messy. _See if Michael comments._

Michael was at his desk with a PopTart when he went back in, looking at his phone. He seemed like an unlikely candidate for being on Twitter, but apparently, there was a community of people who hunted UFOs and he liked laughing about how nuts they were. Apparently there was a Hubble telescope picture of the day Twitter, and Michael was surprisingly interested in current events. They followed each other, but neither of them ever tweeted anything, so there wasn’t much reason to. 

Of course he looked over when Alex came into the room, and immediately noticed his bare legs. And stared. _Fuck. His legs are gorgeous. Does he run? Fuck._ “I was pretty sure you had legs, but now I have confirmation.”

Alex laughed nervously. “Yah. Not a lot of people see them, I don’t wear shorts very often.” _Only when I have welts on my legs making it impossible to wear jeans. Thank you, Evan, for leaving your ugly cargo shorts behind._ Neither of his employers had cared that he was wearing shorts a couple weeks ago, and agreed that it was too hot to wear jeans all the time. _As good an excuse as any._

“Well, they’re not offensive in any way, don’t feel like you have to wear pants all the time.” _Or, better yet, don’t wear pants. At all._ Michael was about to ask about running, since he hadn’t since they’d been at UNM, but realized that if his back or ribs were fucked up, running would be hell. 

“Um, thanks.” _I can’t tell if he likes my legs or not. Damn it._ Would he have commented if he really didn’t care about them, though? Then he realized Michael was still looking at him. _Hmm. Perhaps._ Cautious optimism. Anyway, walking around in his underwear could now be a thing. _How freeing._

“You’re not going to wear purple jeans are you?”

Alex laughed. “No, I don’t have purple jeans. I won’t wear purple Chucks either, that would match too much.”

“Got it. You’ll teach me about fashion by the end of the semester.”

“Wait ‘til Maria gets here, she has some, ah, passionate opinions. Prepare for hair advice.” _Don’t do anything with it, it’s so beautiful as it is._ “She’s been trying to get me to bleach mine and dye it blue for two years.”

“God, don’t do that.” Michael was horrified. “Your hair is great the way it is.” _Fuck, did I say that?_

Alex blushed. “Oh, thank you. No, I’ve never been into rainbow hair, even though it’s kind of an emo thing.” He had a horrible thought. “Don’t let her talk you into dying yours, either.”

“Fuck no.” Micheal focused a little more on Alex. “Did you do something different with your hair today?”

“Oh, yah, I’m getting sick of how I was doing it before.” _He noticed._

“Looks good.” _I’d love to see it without shit in it._

“So Maria is coming at like 10:30, the fact that I can’t go back to sleep until then is really annoying.”

“It’s after 9, you’ll live.” 

Alex flopped down into his chair and immediately regretted it as his ribs screamed at him. “Here, let’s send her a picture that proves we’re both awake and dressed.”

Michael dragged his chair over to Alex’s desk and invaded his personal space gleefully. He was surprised when Alex put an arm around his shoulders before snapping the picture. Being up against him was the best. _Okay, lavender soap does smell good on him with his hair gel._ “Okay, you look completely unimpressed in this pic. Take one where you’re smiling.”

Rolling his eyes, Alex cuddled closer to Michael, which made it pretty easy to smile. He took the picture and immediately loved it. “Okay, that’s better, I have to admit.”

“Send them to me.” 

“I’ll make a group text with you and Maria so you can both make fun of me.”

Alex started the thread. 

_Alex: Okay were up and wearing clothes_

_ Maria: Pics or it didn’t happen._

Pictures sent.

_Alex: Proof_

_ Michael: We’re photogenic 😎 _

_ Maria: Hi Michael! These are ADORABLE! 😍 _

_ Alex: Notice im wearing a color_

_ Maria: So proud. Black jeans? Shoes? Socks?_

Alex and Michael both laughed.

_Michael: His underwear is black._

And Alex turned so red there could possibly be permanent damage to his face. “Thanks, Michael, she’s going to give you crap for looking at my ass for the rest of eternity. And me for walking around in my underwear.”

_Maria: Oo la la! He has a cute butt, right?_

_ Michael: I would NEVER ogle my roommate 😉 _

_ Alex: Fuck you both_

“I already regret introducing you to Maria and she’s not even here yet.”

Michael laughed. “I think this is going to be a beautiful friendship.”

Alex slumped dramatically with an overly gusty sigh. “I’m doomed.” He sat up again. His own hands caught his attention. “I haven’t painted my nails since I moved.”

“Go for it,” Michael encouraged. 

“Really?” Alex smiled, delighted. “You don’t care?”

“Why would I?” Michael asked, sure he looked confused. “They’re your fingers.” _I kinda want to see his nails painted, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a guy with painted nails._

“Cool. Nail polish stinks, and it’s kinda, well, girly.”

Michael shrugged. “Couldn’t care less.” He scooted over when Alex got up to get his nail polish off the dresser. “Do you only wear black?”

“Usually. I’ve borrowed a really dark purple of Maria’s before.” 

“Does your dad fucking hate it?”

Alex laughed. “Oh my god, so much. I didn’t start painting them for that reason, but it’s one of the reasons I keep doing it.” He shook his head. “Sometimes Maria paints my toes, even though I don’t really wear flip flops or anything.”

Michael laughed. “One of my foster sisters loved her nails painted, but she had a neurological condition and shook too bad to do it, so I learned how. She liked pink, though.”

_Okay, and I thought I couldn’t like him any more._ “That’s sweet.” He didn’t ask how she ended up in foster care.

“Do you want me to paint yours?”

“Oh, yah, if you want to.” Alex’s heart rate sped up. _That’s such a boyfriend thing to do._

“Sure.” He took the bottle from Alex and shook it before unscrewing the cap. “Here, give me your hand.” 

Alex held out his right hand, and Michael took it. _Oh god._ “I usually do two coats.”

“Got it.” Michael braced their arms against the top of the desk and carefully brushed the black pigment onto Alex’s pretty fingernails. He took his time so it would be perfect. “Okay, other hand.” It felt so nice to hold Alex’s hands. He knew his were rough from the unpaid labor of working on cars with his last ‘dad’; Alex had guitar calluses on his finger tips, just like Michael did. “Can I ask you a favor?”

“Of course.” Alex was a little breathless from _Michael holding his hand._

“If you get into tattoos, _please_ do not get any on your hands. They’re too nice.”

Alex laughed, a little more breathless now. “Okay, it’s a deal.” _Michael will be the death of me._

“Okay, right hand again.” He glossed Alex’s nails. “And left again.” When he finished, he realized he wasn’t done touching Alex, not by a long shot. “Here, give me your feet, I’ll do your toes too.”

“Oh, okay.” He lifted his leg and Michael took his foot and put it in his lap. “Don’t get tattoos on your feet either.”

“Okay.” He laughed a little. “That would hurt too bad anyway.” He watched as Michael carefully painted his nails, making sure not to tickle his feet. He was _really_ enjoying all the gentle physical contact. “Other than the dragon tattoo, I haven’t thought of any other tattoos I really want.”

“There’s this doodle I’ve been doing since I was a kid, I thought it might make a cool tattoo. Here, other foot.”

Now Alex had both feet on Michael’s thighs. “You’ll have to draw it for me.”

“I have no idea where the inspiration for it came from, I just like it.” He concentrated on Alex’s toes for a minute to avoid spilling his guts about the start of his life on the side of the road in Roswell. 

“I get that, I think there are shapes and patterns that just, sort of, resonate with us. Like we recognize them even if we’ve never seen them before.” He thought about how much to say for a minute. “I’m part Navajo, and sometimes I’ll see a pattern in nature and it just does something. A lot of Navajo traditional patterns make me feel, I don’t know, comforted, maybe?”

Michael stilled his hands, just looking at him for a second. “That’s amazing.” 

“Mimi says I’m an old soul.” Alex smiled. “Thanks for painting my nails.”

“Any time.” Michael caught himself rubbing the tops of Alex’s feet and stopped himself.

“I like to be touched,” Alex offered softly, extremely embarrassed. “I grew up in the wrong house for someone who needs physical affection.”

Michael repeated the caress, and squeezed lightly before rubbing Alex’s shins. “I get that. I like to be touched, but in foster care, touching is...complicated.” 

Alex nodded. “Did you have friends that you could be around? Maria and Liz hugged me all the time.”

“Well, I had a couple girlfriends and boyfriends, but nothing long term. They were nice while they lasted.” _There. It’s out._

_Boyfriends. _

Alex had no idea what to say. “Was it hard to date? In foster care, I mean.”

Michael nodded, continuing to run his hands over Alex’s feet and calves. “Yah.”

_Deep breath._ “Being gay in a small town meant dating was _impossible.”_

“I bet. Were you out?”

_This conversation is going surprisingly well,_ Alex thought. “Sorta. Enough to be bullied, not enough to inspire anyone else who might be gay to talk to me.” Alex giggled nervously. “I did _not_ expect to have this conversation a week after meeting you.”

“Yah, me either.” Michael gave him a crooked smile. “I guess it’s not that complicated. But for the record, your reaction to which dresser drawers you wanted gave you away.”

Alex dropped his head back and groaned. “That was so fucking stupid.”

Michael cracked up. “Dude, it was _hilarious._ But I wanted you to tell me.”

“Thanks.” Alex and Michael both looked up when their phones chimed. Alex grabbed his, Michael’s was on his desk. “Maria.”

_Maria: We’re almost there! Like, maybe, 20 minutes._

_ Alex: Fantastic_

“Maria says 20 minutes.” 

“Awesome.” 

_Alex: Michael says awesome_

_ Maria: I know I’m awesome. _

_ Alex: lololol_

_ Alex: Ill put on shoes when my toes are dry_

_ Maria: You painted your nails?_

_ Alex: Michael did _

_ Alex: Hes better at it than i am _

When there was no response from Maria, Alex set his phone back down. It was extremely comfortable to sit with his knees pulled up and feet in Michael’s lap. “Just a warning, Maria is the queen of suggestive comments.”

Michael laughed. “Oh no, she has met her match.”

“I’m going to feel awkward 100% of the time.”

“You’ll get used to it.” He was enjoying being so close to Alex, but his feet were starting to dig into his thighs, and he was afraid he might just kiss him. “Here, move, my legs are going to sleep.”

“Oh god, I’m sorry.” Alex moved carefully to avoid kicking him in the nuts or something. 

“Don’t be.” Michael smiled, hoping Alex could see how much he’d liked touching him.

“Maria will be here soon, I think my nails are dry enough to put on shoes.” 

They both made a half-assed attempt to straighten their beds, Alex’s desire to make his bed had reduced quite a bit after not living at home for a week. “Whatever, Maria won’t care.” The rest of the room was neat, though, both of them liked to keep it picked up. Michael never left a single PopTart crumb on his desk. 

In defiance of Maria’s teasing about wearing all black earlier, Alex put on white socks and his grey Vans. They were his favorite shoes for skating, and they’d been getting no attention while he couldn’t fucking skate. 

Alex’s phone rang just as he was standing up and straightening his jeans. “Hey!”

“I’m here, come down stairs!”

“Ok, be right there.”

“Hurry!” _Click._

Laughing, Alex pocketed his phone and keys. “Maria’s here.”

They both trotted down the stairs and out the door to search the crowd of incoming residents for Maria and Mimi. Maria spotted them first, and launched herself into Alex’s arms with a loud, “Oh my god!” as if she hadn’t seen him a week ago.

Alex gritted his teeth against the strain on his ribs, since bracing, even for Maria’s slight weight, hurt. He was able to control his expression by the time she pulled away to throw herself at Michael.

“Oh my god, your _hair!”_ she basically yelled. “It’s even better in real life.”

Michael cracked up. “Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Michael Guerin,” he laughed.

“Maria DeLuca,” she responded, posing to display just how pretty she was. “This is my mom, Mimi.” 

Michael accepted a hug from the older woman, who smelled like something warm and herbal, after she released Alex. “You have an interesting story, I just know it,” she announced in a pleasant, kind voice. 

“Um, yeah, kinda.” Michael felt a rush of adrenaline and wondered how ‘psychic’ Mimi was and if he was going to have a problem. _Don’t panic. Just, don’t panic yet._ He had plenty of lies in place, and there were plenty of things even _he_ didn’t know about himself, so hopefully he could bullshit his way out of this. 

She patted his cheek. “We’ll chat later.” 

Maria was inspecting Alex’s manicure while Mimi was busy with Michael. “So, he painted your nails for you?” she murmured. “Did you ask?”

“No, he offered.” Alex was blushing. He knew it. “He pulled my feet up in his lap to paint my toes.” 

“Oh my god,” she giggled. “And you think he doesn’t like you.”

“Maria, go do your check in, we’ll start unloading the car,” Mimi directed.

“Got it.” 

“Did Maria bring enough stuff to fill a 6 bedroom house?” Alex asked.

“Maybe not quite that much.”

They managed to get one of the flatbed dollies from someone who was finishing up, and started loading it with the assorted bags, boxes, and suitcases Maria had brought. And a large furry rug. And a number of furry pillows. Michael really wished he could use telekinesis right now, because it would make life a lot easier. Maria’s soft-sided packaging kept trying to roll off the dolly. Alex ended up putting on an overstuffed floral backpack and wearing a polka dot overnight bag across his chest. Michael pushed the dolly, and _sure_ no one would notice, exerted just a tiny bit of psychic force to keep anything from flying off. Mimi was pulling one of Maria’s rolling suitcases and carrying what appeared to be a stuffed tiger under her arm.

“Do you know what room she’s in?” Alex asked, putting a fuzzy pillow under each arm. 

“404, I believe.”

“Error, room not found.” When no one laughed, Alex rolled his eyes. “Computer humor is lost on both of you.” 

Maria met them in the lobby. “My roommate just got here, it’s going to be wild with both of us moving in at the same time. She seems nice so far.”

“I wonder if our suitemates will move in today?” Michael mused. “We have all of your stuff, ready to head up?”

“Oh, wow, you got all of it?” Maria took the fuzzy pillows from Alex. 

“You have three pack mules with a mechanical assist, so yes,” Alex responded sarcastically. 

They had to wait through two elevators, but eventually got up to the fourth floor. Maria’s door was propped open with what appeared to be a pink metallic garden gnome statue; they stopped outside the door with the dolly since it wasn’t going to fit through the door. Michael maintained control over the mess as they started unpacking it so that the mountain didn’t collapse. It wasn’t obvious, and a few things came loose, so he was pretty sure no one would notice. Maria came back out of the room with a tall girl with a long dark ponytail and bangs, and startlingly bright blue eyes. 

“Hey Alex, Michael, Mom, this is Zoey.” They all said hello, and Maria continued, “Alex is one of my best friends from home, Michael is his roommate, obviously Mom gave birth to me.”

“Nice to meet you,” she answered with a quirky smile. “I love this rug, oh my god!”

“We can put it in the middle of the room, it’s huge.”

“Perfect!”

Michael lifted the rolled up rug. “Want me to put it down for you?” It wasn’t heavy, no powers required. 

“Definitely.” Maria and Zoey went into the room, and Michael and Alex followed. 

Alex bristled a little at the obvious appreciation the girls had for Michael, and tried to remind himself that he had no claim on him. _Whatever. I’ve been his since day one._ Of course that didn’t mean Michael was _his._ Unfortunately.

“What color of sheets and blankets do you have?” Zoey was asking Maria. 

“Raspberry mousse, with leopard accents.”

“That is _amazing.”_

Alex and Michael went back into the hall to get more stuff just as Zoey’s family showed up carrying loads of her stuff. “Do you want the dolly after we unload it?”

“That would be great.” 

It took awhile to get everything into the room, since both girls had plastic organizers for under their beds and wanted to make their beds before putting anything on them, requiring Alex, Mimi, and Zoey’s mom to help them open things until they found sheets and blankets. Zoey had produced an iHome unit and put her iPod on it and a 90s pop playlist was filling the room with all of Maria’s favorite music. Michael seemed to have joined forces with Zoey’s father and brother to organize empty boxes and bags in the increasingly crowded hallway. 

“Maria, how are you going to fit all of your clothes in the closet and dresser?” Alex asked, perplexed. “You brought a ton of stuff.”

“Secret weapon,” she announced, pulling the weirdest looking objects out of a box. They were like squiggly hangers of hollow aluminum. “You can hang 6 things over one hanger and it only takes up as much room as one pair of pants.”

“Oh my god, I need those,” Zoey announced, eyes wide. “Where did you find them?”

“Amazon.”

“Okay, I’ll have to order some later today.”

Alex watched as Maria plugged a small lamp on her desk and turned it on. “Oh, that’s so much better than the fluorescent light.”

“It wasn’t expensive, you can get one.”

Michael had come into the room. “Do they come in colors other than leopard? Because I’m not sure that fits with Alex’s all-black decor.”

“Leopard is a neutral.” 

“Leopard is _not_ a neutral,” Alex disagreed. “Where did you get it?”

“Estella’s Consignment, but they have desk lamps at literally every store, go to Target or something.” 

“Huh.”

Zoey had a desk lamp, but it was zebra-print with black fluffy feathers around the top and bottom. Maria declared if fabulous. 

Mimi interrupted the gushing. “Maria, why don’t we go get lunch? You can finish unpacking later.” 

“Ok. I forgot toothpaste and a loofah, can we go get those too? The boys can look for desk lamps.”

“Leopard is _not_ a neutral,” Alex reiterated, just to be clear. 

“You can pair animal print with _any_ color.” 

“No.” 

“Why don’t you boys show us your room?” Mimi suggested.

Michael and Alex shrugged at each other. “Okay,” Michael agreed, “I need to get my wallet anyway.”

Maria grabbed her purse, a gorgeous dusty tan leather bag with fringe and decorative braids. In New Mexico, everyone had things that were a little country. They said goodbye to Zoey, and they headed down the stairs to room 214. Alex unlocked the door and ushered them inside. “It’s not nearly as fabulous as your room,” he joked, “and I’m so glad.”

Mimi and Michael laughed as they walked into the small room. Alex looked over their room with a critical eye. Michael had had to take his nice print out of the frame since there was no way to attach it to the wall, but it still looked fantastic above his bed. Their little bookshelf was already half full, and they hadn’t even gotten textbooks. Alex had assumed they’d just stack them on the floor by their desks, but Maria’s and Zoey’s plastic organizer things had made him think again.

“I see your extra sheets were put to good use,” Mimi said with a smile. “I told you.”

“I appreciate you making him buy them,” Michael said. “I’d completely forgotten about sheets and towels.”

“Alex, you are so emo,” Maria complained. “The only things with any personality in here are depressing band posters. At least Michael has art on his wall.” 

“Hey,” Alex argued. “I had _nothing_ in my old room, so this is a drastic improvement.”

“You definitely need more decorative pieces. What about a rug?”

Michael looked at the floor. “There’s already carpet.”

“Do have any idea how filthy this carpet probably is? And it has no decorative value.” She looked at the top of the dresser as Michael and Alex just watched, amused. “Okay, you need a dish or tray for your jewelry, and a makeup organizer or bag, you’re going to lose things. And what about a basket for your toiletries? No one wants to look at your deodorant.” 

Alex rolled his eyes. “Are you buying it?” He did _not_ need a fucking basket. “Something for my jewelry, though, that might be a good idea.”

“You’re not even wearing any today, what’s up with that?” Maria gave him a once over. “And that shirt is _purple._ Who even are you?”

Michael laughed. “He was so excited that you were coming he forgot how to be emo.”

“Oh, is that why you painted his nails for him? Since he couldn’t remember how?”

“Oh god,” Alex groaned. “Why did I think you meeting each other was a good idea?”

Mimi held out her hand. “Oh, let me see your nails.” She took both of Alex’s hands. “Oh, Michael, you did a very nice job. But why do you always do black? With your skin, you could wear any color.”

Alex laughed. “Mama DeLuca, I am just not that gay.”

She laughed and squeezed his hands. “We’ll just have to live with black then.” 

They had lunch at a favorite spot of Mimi’s from when she’d visited Albuquerque more often, and much to Alex’s delight, Christmas-style enchiladas were on the menu. They ate, talking about the classes they had (Maria was excited that Michael was in their English class), and Maria shared embarrassing stories about Alex from middle school. After they were finished, Mimi asked for Michael’s hand. 

“Let’s have a look at you, Michael,” she said, and turned his hand over to look at his palm. “Your love line is the most noticeable feature, you’ll have one deep, true love in your life, and you won’t be separated. Your wisdom line is impressive. But your life line, this here-” she traced what looked like a bubble in his life line, “-this means there was a trauma or illness that took your life off track.” When Michael didn’t volunteer any information, she continued, turning his hand to look at the side. “You have a lot of travel in your future, but I sense that you’ll never stray from home for too long.” Mimi held his hand and closed her eyes briefly. “Don’t hesitate to reach for the stars; not just the ones in the sky, but ones in your own eyes, and your love’s eyes. This year will change you in a way that you can’t understand, and wouldn’t, even if I could tell you. You’ve always been like a feather, floating on the wind currents, but you will soon be anchored, but not to the ground; you were meant for the sky.” She smiled at him. “You have come from a hard place, but it has not made you hard, and your heart is full of compassion and love.” She squeezed his hand before releasing it. “You’re older than your years, Michael, but don’t forget to be young.”

Michael kind of stared at her for a minute. _What..the..fuck?_ It could all be bullshit, but he could kind of _feel_ something...like maybe he could sense that she was using a gift? It sorta felt like when he used his own powers. “Thank you.” He tried to shake the feeling of ice water in his veins. _At least she didn’t announce that I’m an alien._

“Your turn, Alex.” 

Alex laughed. “Mimi, you told my fortune two weeks ago.” He held out his hand anyway.

Mimi didn’t read his palm, she’d done that many times before, just held his hand with her eyes closed and a soft expression on her face. “You’ve found a new well of strength since I saw you last; you’ll need it, you have choices you will have to make that will scare you.” She opened her eyes. “I don’t need a gift to see how much happier you are.”

“Thanks.”

Michael excused himself to go to the restroom, and Maria pounced on him. “When did you tell him you’re gay? I thought that was a super huge deal?”

Alex laughed, motioning for Maria to lower her voice. “Uh, we came out to each other today?”

Maria’s eyes widened. “He’s gay?”

“Bi,” Alex corrected, shaking his head. “I don’t know how open he is with that info so don’t say anything.”

“My lips are sealed. Was this before or after he painted your nails?”

“Kind of during, we were talking about how touch-starved we are and he threw it out there that he’d had girlfriends and boyfriends. I told him I was gay.” He giggled, like he always did when he was nervous. “You don’t know what a relief that was.” 

“So how long until you’re in bed together?” 

“God, Maria, shut up.” Alex could feel himself turning red. “Just because we both like boys doesn’t automatically mean we’re going to sleep together.” He looked when Mimi started laughing. “Stop, you guys are killing me.”

“But you _like_ him! And he _totally_ likes you.”

“It’s complicated.”

Maria raised an eyebrow. “This is not a Facebook relationship status, this is real life. Why is it complicated?”

“Can I tell you in a less public place?” Alex begged.

She relented. “Okay.”

When Michael came back, he noticed just how red Alex was, and assumed Maria had been grilling him about _him._ He was tempted to kiss the top of his head, but resisted. _He’s not my boyfriend. Yet._ He did squeeze his shoulder though.

Maria noticed the gesture and filed it away in the _Michael loves Alex_ folder in her brain. He better love him. And better not break his heart. Hell hath no fury like Maria DeLuca. “Ready to go to Target?” she asked as if she hadn’t been considering murder a breath ago.

Mimi paid the ticket, and they piled back into her aging Camry for the trip to Target. The elder DeLuca prefered country music, and Alex gritted his teeth through _Strawberry Wine, Jolene,_ and a bunch of other songs he’d never heard, didn’t know the names of, and never wanted to hear again. Michael noticed the look on his face and patted his knee in a patronizing, grandmotherly way and said, “Aw, poor baby, it’ll be okay,” which earned him a glare that only made him laugh more. Still, any ride with Mimi was better than a ride with his dad, so he couldn’t complain too much.

Alex had assumed, since Maria needed two things, they’d have a quick, in-and-out trip to the store. She could get her things, he and Micheal would look at lamps, they’d go. Should be 15 minutes, tops.

He was wrong. 

So, so wrong.

After at least half an hour of following Maria and Mimi who were comparing the contents of this Target to the one back home, Michael and Alex excused themselves to go find lamps. “We’ll text you,” Michael promised before they essentially ran away from the ladies undergarment section.

“Okay, lamps.” Alex looked up at the signs hanging from the ceiling. “Over here.”

“Oh good, they have leopard,” Michael joked, pointing out a small lamp with a hideous shade. 

“Oh, darn, that’s too big for my desk,” Alex answered sarcastically. “It’s also $20. I don’t want to spend $20.”

“These might be good.” Michael drew Alex’s attention to simple desk lamps with flexible necks and bases that were for organizing office supplies. “They have black.”

“And they’re only $12, sold.” Alex grabbed the black one. “What color do you want?”

“Y’know, I’m going to stick with the blue theme,” Michael answered, selecting the lamp of that color. “Need anything else?”

“We could get more food for the room.” 

“Okay. But I don’t feel like getting a cart so we can’t get more than we can carry.”

“Deal.”

They ended up with more PopTarts and chips, more apples and bananas, and an Alex favorite, cheese and crackers. They grabbed plastic silverware and paper plates, too. Michael got more soda, but Alex agreed to buy it since they both drank it and Michael had bought it last. They determined that they couldn’t easily carry more stuff and went to check out. This Target had a Starbucks, so Alex treated them both to iced coffee and they sat down to text Maria that they were waiting.

And they waited.

And they waited.

They probably waited 45 minutes before Maria appeared with a cart filled with stuff and a satisfied expression. “New place shopping spree,” she explained.

Alex shook his head. “I hope the trunk is big enough.”

“You could get two or three bodies in there, don’t worry.”

Michael laughed. “When I worked on cars, that was our trunk measurement, too, how many dead bodies would fit in it.” 

Of course, when they got back to campus, Michael and Alex had to help Maria carry all of her goodies up to her room. Zoey had done more decorating and Maria was ready to roll on her decor additions. 

“Hey,” Michael started, “Do you want me to take your stuff to the room and you can hang out with Maria? Catch up on the whole week you were separated?”

Alex laughed. “Sure.” He handed Michael his bag. “Thanks.”

“It was nice to meet you, Mrs. DeLuca.” Michael accepted a hug. 

“I’m sure we’ll meet again.”

Maria gave him a hug too. “I’ll send him back in one piece.”

Michael laughed, squeezed Alex’s shoulder, and headed out. 

“I think it’s time for me to go as well,” Mimi said with a warm smile. “Alex, you’re going to be so much happier this year. Things will be better now.” She squeezed his hands. “Take chances that scare you.”

Alex hugged her tightly. “Thanks, Mama DeLuca.” He pulled away so that she could hug Maria. 

“You, behave,” she said, mock severe, and grinned when Maria laughed. “Get into all the trouble you can short of getting arrested or pregnant.”

Maria and Alex both laughed at that. “No arrests or babies, I’ll keep that in mind,” Maria agreed.

“Or expelled,” Alex added. 

“Or expelled,” Mimi agreed.

They walked Mimi downstairs and bid her farewell, and headed back up to the fourth floor.

“Okay, Alex Manes, talk. I need to know _everything.”_

_Fuck. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is life, I'd love to hear what you're thinking. ❤
> 
> Chapter Title: You Learn - Alanis Morrissette
> 
> Also in this chapter: I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic at the Disco; Strawberry Wine - Deana Carter; Jolene - Dolly Parton


	7. Don't Speak

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49011140832/in/dateposted-public/)

Alex stared at Maria for a few moments. “Um, okay. What do you want to know?”

“I said _everything._ Meant _everything.”_

“Uh, I don’t exactly what you want me to say.” 

Maria put her hands on her hips. “You. Sit down.” 

“Can I sit on the bed?” The desk chairs weren’t terribly comfy for an interrogation. 

“Fine.” She made an impatient shooing motion. “Get up there and start talking.”

Kicking off his shoes, Alex climbed on the bed, ribs aching, and grabbed one of the fuzzy pillows. “Ask me some kind of question to get started, I don’t know what to say.” 

“Tell me about move-in day.”

“Oh, well, I told you Dad dropped me off and didn’t even say goodbye.”

“Asshole.”

“Yah. I had just started unpacking when Carlos checked Michael in. I almost fell off the bed because I wasn’t expecting the door to open.”

Maria was going through the contents of one of her suitcases. “Uh huh. And?”

“Uh, Michael realized he didn’t have sheets and I gave him the striped ones.”

“Alex Manes, I know you gave him sheets! _What were you thinking about when you met him?”_

He hid his face in the leopard print pillow for a minute. “I was thinking that he was so fucking gorgeous I was going to die.” He listened to Maria laugh. “Like, his hair was all messy because it was windy that day, and he has this _smile_ he does, I don’t exactly know how to describe it but, yah.” 

“Was it a smile we saw at all today, hm?”

“Yah, no. It’s like a slow smile, like he knows he’s sexy and it’s almost like flirtatious but could still _not_ be flirtatious? And just for the record, that smile does things to me.”

Maria paused for a moment to hang a bunch of dresses in the closet. “And how often does he grace you with these special smiles?”

Face in the pillow time. “Often enough.” He tried to ignore Maria cackling. “I get so flustered.”

“You are the cutest thing. What else?”

“On move-in day? We went to get lunch at this restaurant 10 minutes from here, walked around the engineering center, and ended up at the duck pond. There were no ducks.”

“You know I do not care about ducks. Juicy details, please.” 

Alex laughed. “Michael needed shampoo and soap and stuff so we went to Target.” He hugged the pillow. “He had me smell all the body wash before he decided what to get.”

“Oh really?” She shot him smug look. “And you don’t think he likes you.” Not a question. “What else?”

“Oh, we watched _Spirited Away_ on my bed.”

“On your _bed?”_

“Well, yah, sitting in desk chairs wasn’t going to be comfortable.”

“Did you snuggle?”

_“NO.”_

“Okay, fine.” Maria started fitting things onto the miracle hangers. “Day two. More about what you were thinking, less about everything else. I need _dirt,_ Alex.”

“Considering everything we’ve done has been completely innocent and just-friends-y? What dirt are you expecting to find here?”

“You,” she accused, pointing a finger at him, “are not _nearly_ as innocent as you seem. Your mind is a filthy, filthy place.”

“Okay, you’re right about that, but--” Alex started laughing when Maria did, “--but, we have done _nothing_ remotely naughty.”

“Fine. What did you do the next day?” She glared at him, although the effect was somewhat diminished by her armful of pajama pants. “Of course, I’d know this stuff, if you’d been a good friend and texted me.” 

“I know, I know, but,” Alex tried desperately to think of an excuse but finally just finished with, “Michael.”

Maria laughed. “Uh huh.”

“Sunday, what did we do?” He tried to think of a way to describe the practice room without Maria shrieking, but gave it up as a lost cause. “We went and found the music building. We ended up in a practice room playing piano. It was completely innocent.”

“Uh huh.”

“He’s a brilliant musician, Maria, just, really amazing. He has perfect pitch, so he basically copied what I was doing then pulled a fucking Taylor Swift song out of thin air.” He was happy to see that she looked just as amazed as he’d felt. “We worked out the chords together, and it was a little too much fun.”

“You would have married him right that second.”

“Well, no, but I was fucking impressed.”

“Is that all? Just impressed?”

Alex hid his face in the pillow for a minute. “My crush on him pretty much exploded.” He was quiet while Maria motioned for him to keep going. “And I was turned on.”

“I knew it.”

“Like, a lot. Like, I had no idea playing piano could be _sexy._ I’ve never looked at the piano as a sexy instrument.” He laughed along with Maria. “But yah, it was a lot of fun.”

“What song did he play?”

“Oh, _Our Song._ Then he made the joke that _Our Song_ was now ‘our song’ and I was so wrapped up in how much I wanted to kiss him that I totally choked and was an awkward mess, but he didn’t seem to notice.”

“I bet you were about as red as you are now.”

“Probably redder.” Alex looked at the ceiling. “And then we listened to music for a while and eventually went and got tacos and it was all very innocent.”

“Alex.”

“Okay, then we went stargazing, we just laid in the back of his truck for hours talking.” He paused. “I have never wanted to kiss someone so bad in my entire life.”

“That’s cute.” 

Alex looked over at what Maria was doing. “How do you have more clothes? You just put away more clothes than I thought the room would even hold.”

“You act like you don’t have a ridiculous amount of jeans.”

“I _know_ I have a ridiculous amount of jeans. But they all fit in my closet.”

“These will, give me time. More about Michael.”

“Um, more about Michael. We went to Goodwill and it was fun, he kept complimenting me.”

“Oh really? Like what?”

“He was just really sweet about telling me I looked good in certain colors.”

“Again, how do you think he doesn’t like you?”

“Well, we did read each other poetry while we were there.” He waited for her to scream. “Shakespeare even.”

“That is so cute, fuck.”

“His favorite sonnet is so emo.” He grinned when Maria laughed. “Mine is _not_ emo.”

“You both have favorite sonnets, that’s lame and cute at the same time.”

“Shut up. Anyway, Tuesday we went and got him a computer and a phone, that’s when I told you I took a nap.”

“But not in the same bed with Michael.”

“Yah, not in the same bed, unfortunately. I took him to Starbucks, though, and we shared Frappuccinos.” 

“You _shared?_ Like, used the same straws?”

“That makes it sound really gross, Maria, ew.” 

“How are you not already _dating?”_

“I did fall asleep on his shoulder watching a really bad horror movie that night.” Alex waited for her to scream again. “Dude, your neighbors are going to _hate_ you.”

“Fuck them.” She waved that off. “Okay, Alex, you’re one of my best friends. I love you like a brother. What reason could you _possibly_ have for not trying to get in his pants?”

“I didn’t say I _wasn’t_ trying to get in his pants,” Alex argued, “I just can’t go there _yet.”_

“And why not?” Maria had finished with clothes and was putting her shoes on a rack in the closet. 

“Maria, he can’t see me without a shirt on right now,” he said softly. “I can’t tell him about Dad yet. I don’t know what he’ll say or how he’ll react. I don’t know him well enough. I didn’t think I was going to come out to him today, that was completely unexpected.”

“Alex,” Maria said slowly, drawing his name out. “You can’t take off your shirt?”

Alex took deep breaths, or as deep as he could, trying not to start crying. “It’s bad.” He squeezed his eyes closed. “I don’t want pity, I don’t want that outrage you see in people for not telling an adult about it. I want him to think I’m a normal person. I want him to like me.”

“Oh, honey,” Maria started, pained. “Alex.” She dropped a pair of boots to climb up onto the bed and wrap her arms around him, but didn’t say anything else. She understood why Alex had never said anything to anyone about his dad, and had always wished things were different, but a fine, upstanding military man was the wrong guy to accuse of child abuse, even if it was really happening. And she knew about that righteous outrage, it was on social media all the time, people ranting because survivors needed to be brave and they’d be safe and it was just not true all the time. As much as she wished Alex could have been rescued from his horrible family situation, she’d always known that he was stuck. 

Alex let go and started crying, not saying anything. Maria understood. Maria could feel what he was feeling, and wouldn’t betray that trust. She just held him while he clutched the big pillow, rocking him a little. He’d never been so grateful for her ability to comfort him when he was miserable. Maria never expected him to get ahold of himself, she and Liz had always let him cry himself out. 

As he started to calm down, Maria asked very softly, “Alex, how bad is it?”

“I think three of my ribs are broken. My whole side is black and purple.”

“Fuck. And you can’t go to the doctor.”

He shook his head. “I can still breathe, it’s not that bad, but everything hurts.”

“And I totally pounced on you when I got here, that must have hurt like hell. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know. At least he can see my legs now so I don’t have to wear pants all the time.”

Maria’s eyes widened. “What was wrong with your legs?”

“Belt a couple weeks ago, but the marks are gone now. You can’t see the scars unless you’re closer than a roommate-to-roommate distance.” 

“I don’t even know what to say,” she answered softly. “I knew it was bad, but not _that_ bad.”

Alex shrugged. “I’m out of there. That’s all that matters. I’ll heal.”

“You will. And things are going to be better now.” She rubbed his back gently. “You said you feel safe with Michael, right?” 

“Yah,” he answered, nodding. “I just know he’d never hurt me. He grew up in foster care. I think he probably had some of the same experiences.”

“Probably.” Alex was quiet for a minute and Maria could tell he was thinking. “What?”

“The idea that someone would hurt him _really_ bothers me, like, so much. Like, rage.”

“That’s because you care about him.” She squeezed his shoulder. “You already act like you’ve known each other since birth.”

“It’s like something, I don’t know, cosmic. We just click.” 

“Yah, ya do.” Maria smiled. “You’re gonna click in bed, too.”

“Jesus christ, Maria.” Alex laughed in spite of himself. “Is that a psychic vision or you just giving me shit?”

“You won’t know until you sleep with him.” She tilted her head and fluttered her eyelashes at him. “I bet he’s a good kisser.”

“God, how can you even tell?” Alex laughed. 

“Oh, why don’t you find out for me?” she teased.

Alex rolled his eyes. “If I find out, it won’t be for your benefit, it’ll be for mine.”

“When. _When_ you find out.” She patted his cheek. “Go wash your face, you’ll feel better. I’ll get you a towel.”

“Thanks. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

***

Michael looked up when Alex let himself into the room. He’d been with Maria for a couple hours, and Michael had tried to fill up the time with reading and surfing the internet, but had really just missed Alex. It was stupid, he’d been a loner by circumstance for most of his life, but one week with this cute punk boy from fucking Roswell and he was feeling anxious being in his room by himself. Well aware that he was a pathetic moron, Michael let the little thrill of seeing him zing through is body as he casually said, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Alex acknowledged, throwing his keys on the desk, followed by his wallet and phone. “I was roped into helping Maria and Zoey put things together and hang pictures.” He grinned when Michael laughed. “I was also a guinea pig for some all-natural soda Zoey’s mom bought. I did not enjoy the experience. 0/5, would not recommend.” 

Michael cracked up. “I’ll stick to artificial soda then.” He stretched. “You doing okay? You look tired.” _You look like you were crying._

“I’m okay, just tired since Maria woke me up at 7:30 in the fucking morning.” _I hope I don’t look like I was crying._ “Zoey seems nice, but she’s kinda weird. She and Maria are either going to be best friends or hate each other, I don’t think there’s an in between.”

“That should be interesting. I mean, it’s not like Maria has a strong personality or anything.”

Alex laughed. “Oh yah, so shy and modest. And quiet. Not opinionated _at all.”_

“I like her, she seems cool.” 

“She is cool, except for her obsession with 90s pop music.”

“She’s pretty and she knows it,” Michael observed. “But not in a superior bitchy way, just, like, confident.”

Alex tried to suppress disappointment that Michael thought Maria was pretty. She _was_ pretty. “She definitely won the genetic lottery.” 

Michael noticed the very subtle change in Alex’s tone and expression but wasn’t sure about it. _Is he worried because I think Maria is pretty?_ “Some people have all the luck.” He shook his head, not sure how to assure Alex that he wasn’t interested in Maria, no matter how pretty she was. “You lucked out, too. I bet girls would sell their souls for your long pretty eyelashes.” _Did that work?_

Alex felt himself flush. “Oh, um, thanks. For the record, genetics were good to you, too.” 

_Well, at least I know he thinks I’m good-looking._ “Aw, shucks.” He smiled when Alex laughed at his country-ism. “What did you have to put together for Zoey and Maria?”

“Zoey bought this shelf thing for under her bed that had like a hundred pieces and neither of them had any clue where to start, even though there were instructions.” Alex rolled his eyes. “Maria is great with analyzing human behavior, not so much with engineering.”

Michael laughed. “What’s her major?”

“Dance, and I think she decided on literature as a minor. She said it was lame that we have favorite sonnets, though, so I don’t know how that’s going to work out.” 

_He told her we read poetry to each other._ “Oh come on, she has to have a favorite poem.”

“I’m sure she does, but she doesn’t feel any magic from Shakespeare, and will use any weapon at her disposal to pick on me.” He paused for a minute. “Shakespeare is great, but I like a lot of American poetry more.”

“Oh like what?” Michael watched Alex sit in his desk chair. “I’m not going to pretend that I’m all that well-versed in poetry, but I might know some of them.”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “Did you just make a poetry pun?”

Michael grinned. “Good catch.”

“You’re dead to me.” He shook his head. “And you said I was a dork.”

“You are.”

“Anyway, I like Walt Whitman a lot.”

“I can see why it would resonate with you.”

Alex smiled ruefully. “Yah. I think _To A Stranger_ might be my favorite.”

“Oh, I’ll have to look it up.”

“I like poetry in general.”

“I have to say I’m surprised that Poe isn’t your favorite, goth boy.”

“I do like Poe, but fuck you.”

“Do you like haiku poems? I’ve always thought they were interesting.”

“I do,” Alex enthused. “The challenge of fitting the sentiment into the syllables is really fascinating to me. I enjoy writing them, actually. Or, well, did. I haven’t written poetry in a while.”

“I’ve tried to write them but they always come out bitter. My English teachers have always worried I was going to blow up the school or commit suicide. I’m not going to do either, but my poetry apparently says otherwise.”

“I had one teacher that was ever sympathetic to the tone of my poetry, but it was my music teacher, when I used it as song lyrics.”

Michael’s eyes widened. “You write music?”

Alex flushed, embarrassed. “Kinda? I don’t have enough music knowledge to do anything really good.”

“That’s really cool, dude.” Michael decided it was safe to share. “I’ve always wanted to write music, but like you said, not a lot of knowledge and no instrument to experiment with most of the time.”

“Maybe we can help each other?” Alex offered hopefully. Not much sounded as magical as writing music with Michael. 

“Yah,” Michael answered, touched in a way he’d never been before. “Yah, that would be cool.” _Sharing a dream with Alex is pretty much perfect._

“We already know we can sing harmony.”

Michael smiled. “Yah.” 

_That’s the smile that makes me weak in the knees. Good thing I’m sitting down._ He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Michael’s for long minutes. Alex so, so hoped that Michael didn’t fall for Maria, no matter how pretty he thought she was. _He thinks I have pretty eyelashes at least._

Michael desperately wanted to kiss that sweet little smile Alex was wearing, but it wasn’t time yet. He wasn’t ready yet. He was pretty sure _Alex_ wasn’t ready yet. Hopefully Maria being around would help him feel more willing to open up about his past. Which was a fucking hypocritical thought since _he_ wasn’t ready to be open about his past yet. He broke the tension by shaking his head. “Now you just have to make sure you don’t only write emo lyrics.”

Alex laughed, both relieved and disappointed that they weren’t staring at each other anymore. “Again, fuck you.”

There was a knock at the door, and Michael got up to answer it. 

“I’m here, the party can start,” Maria announced as she walked in, accompanied by laughter from Michael. 

“Did you miss me already?” Alex teased. “You changed clothes.”

“Duh. You boys interested in Starbucks? There’s one _right next to campus.”_

Alex laughed. “Yes, I know.” He looked at Michael. “Want to go?”

“Yah, sure, let me put on my shoes.” He kicked them out from under his desk where he’d taken them off. 

“How are you using the computer without music?” Maria’s tone was both incredulous and accusatory. 

“I was watching YouTube videos?”

“Oh, that’s acceptable.”

Michael laughed. “I’m so glad I have your approval, Ms. DeLuca.”

“What were you watching videos of? Better not be porn.”

“Maria!”

Michael just cocked an eyebrow at her. “There’s no porn on YouTube, DeLuca.” 

“Oh, so you’ve looked?” 

“Maria, stop!” Alex was mortified.

Michael just laughed. “You cannot shame me, for I am completely shameless.” He didn’t answer the question. It was none of her business, and it was more fun to keep her guessing. “And incapable of being embarrassed.”

“We’ll see.” Maria decided that Michael was going to be _fun._ She couldn’t wait to ask for details about his and Alex’s sex life once they got together. 

“Okay, you _can_ embarrass me, so stop it,” Alex pleaded. 

“Sorry, honey.” She patted his cheek. 

“You’re collateral damage, Alex,” Michael joked.

At Starbucks they met a couple other students and chatted about where they were from. They were all sophomores, so had amusing advice for them, such as remembering to stay hydrated when drinking and not to lose your keys, because getting your RA to unlock your room was $25 each time, and replacing your keys was $200. One of the girls told them about the study rooms in the main library as a place to hide from loud roommates, but recommended not having sex in them, there were windows in the doors. Not that that stopped everyone. They all lived in De Vargas hall, so the whole group walked back to the dorms together. For Michael and Alex both, it was a novel experience to just be accepted into a group and treated like normal people. None of them, girls or boys, showed any signs of judgement, just talked to them like they were part of the community. Alex was sure it wouldn’t always be so easy, but for now, it was just nice to be part of something. Michael was more cynical, but it still felt nice to just talk to people who didn’t care who he was or where he came from. And, of course, Maria was in her element, making friends immediately. One of the girls was also African-American; Maria had grown up feeling like she and her mom were the only black people in the world, and it was a little bit amazing to just _talk_ to another girl like her.

That night, Alex and Michael hung out in Maria’s room, since Zoey had a TV and a DVD player, and they watched Disney movies. Michael thought it was _hilarious_ that Alex knew all the songs, and as the night went on, he got more comfortable in front of them and sang more dramatically. Maria and Zoey both had good voices, too. Michael didn’t know the songs well enough to sing, but watched Alex shine, eyes sparkling and cheeks flushed, showing off that beautiful voice and adorable smile, and was pretty sure he’d put up with anything to see Alex that happy. When they were both settled against the wall, Alex leaned into him, like they had watching movies in their room, and all he could think about was how very much he hoped he could make Alex this happy in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maria DeLuca Appreciation Club!
> 
> Chapter Title: Don't Speak - No Doubt


	8. Kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late, my dudes, I moved to a new apartment this weekend! I can't find anything!

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49052777147/in/dateposted-public/)

Michael woke up to muffled banging next door, followed by shouting and laughter. He groaned. It had to still be early if _he_ felt tired. Cracking an eye open, he looked for his phone and realized it was still on his desk. Making sure Alex was sound asleep, he brought it to his hand telekinetically. “Ugh, it’s not even 8am.” They’d been up til 3ish. The noise next door continued, and Michael gave up on the idea of sleeping. _Bathroom. Before they start putting stuff in there._

When Michael went back into the room, Alex had turned over and was blinking at him, blanket still over most of his face. “Whatthefuck?” was sort of mumbled at him and he laughed.

“I think our suitemates have arrived. You might want to hit the bathroom before they start using it.” 

Alex yawned. “Good idea. You’re smart.” He sloth-crawled off the bed and dragged his sorry carcass to the bathroom. “This is bullshit.”

Michael decided his current attire, boxers, was probably not adequate for meeting new suitemates, so he pulled on yesterday’s jeans and a fresh t-shirt. He checked out his hair in the mirrored closet door and decided it was fine for before 8:00 in the morning.

A very disgruntled Alex returned to the room, borderline stomping. “Still bullshit.” When Michael laughed, he flipped him off. “Downside of a lofted bed, I can’t throw myself on it in a fit of self pity.”

“Wanna go meet them?”

“Oh, yah, good idea.” He looked at himself in the mirror, and grabbed his comb off the top of the dresser. Running it through his hair made the bedhead look intentional. “Track pants and a t-shirt seem okay for introducing yourself to loud-ass suitemates at the crack of dawn.”

“Y’know, I should get track pants or pajama pants or something,” Michael commented as they headed to the door. 

“Useful pants to have,” Alex agreed with another, bigger yawn. “Even if you’re not running.”

They flipped the door lock so the room would stay open and they wouldn’t need keys, and went out the door to see two guys, probably a year or two older, carrying stuff into room 216. As soon as Michael and Alex left their room, the other two noticed, and stopped what they were doing.

“Shit, I didn’t know you’d already moved in, we’re being loud,” the first one apologized, Irish accent catching both their attention right away. “I’m Seamus,” he introduced, holding out a hand. His equally loud roommate turned out to be Dean, and a very amused Michael and Alex pitched in to help them move stuff into the room. 

They learned that Seamus moved to the US when he was in high school, and he’d come to UNM for chemical engineering. Dean was a Santa Fe native who was also majoring in chemical engineering, and they’d been roommates the previous year. Both of them professed to be quiet, but Alex didn’t buy that for a second. Neither of them knew how to speak below a shout. He groaned internally when he saw the sports team regalia, and hoped they wouldn’t turn out to be homophobic jock types. Neither of them _seemed_ that way, but Alex had learned not to trust people at a very young age.

“What’re you two majoring in?” Seamus asked as they started unloading stuff. 

“I’m mechanical, Alex is computers,” Michael answered for them both. 

“Oh, engineers too? Excellent.” 

Alex had to admit, Seamus did have quite the winning smile. _Girls must fall for him constantly. I probably would if I wasn’t obsessed with Michael and positive that this guy is straight._

“Any sports you’re into?” Seamus gestured to the throw over his desk chair. “I follow real football.”

That pulled laughter out of Michael _and_ Alex, as well as Dean, who added, “Fuck you,” from the bathroom. 

“I’m not into sports,” Michael answered. “Never really had the time or the inclination.”

“I skate,” Alex offered. “I’ve watched my share of football over the years, but I wouldn’t say I’m really a sports fan.”

Dean materialized. “Did you say...skate?”

“Yes…” Alex replied cautiously. 

“Like, skateboard skate?”

Alex laughed again. “Yes, that kind of skate.”

“I knew I should have brought my board back with me, but someone,” he jerked his head at his roommate, “told me no one skates anymore and to give it up.”

“You can get it when you visit home because you miss your mum, shut up.” 

“Anyway, it’s basically required that you go to _real_ football games while you’re here,” Dean explained. The definition of ‘real’ football seemed to be a running joke between the two guys. “It’s part of the college experience.”

Michael laughed. “Yah, okay, I can see that.”

“My girlfriend is in marching band,” Dean explained. “So I’m at _every_ game. But it’s fun, our team isn’t terrible, not great, but not terrible.”

“The band is good,” Seamus added. “Which Dean would have mentioned if he was a good boyfriend.”

“Shut up. Seamus is just jealous because he _doesn’t_ have a girlfriend right now.” 

“I’m focusing on my studies.” 

“Uh huh. Translation: no prospects.” 

“I don’t know how that’s possible,” Michael drawled, “since I’m sure not a single girl can resist the accent.”

“I’m very selective,” Seamus replied, haughty.

“Don’t listen to him, his girlfriend dumped him at the end of last year because he was too clingy and he’s not over it.”

After about a 10 minute discussion of logistics and physics, the four of them rearranged the furniture so that the beds met at the head in the corner, leaving wall and floor space for their gaming set up. Seamus had a PS3 and Dean had an XBox, and the gaming chairs they’d brought in made sense. Alex looked through their games, they had a mix of sports games, shooters, and RPGs. 

“Are there a lot of gamers in the dorms?” Alex asked. 

“Yah, our room ends up fairly popular,” Seamus answered. “I saw this year that they’re offering a faster ethernet connection for gaming for an extra $50 a month, and I’m sorely tempted.”

“See if people will split it with you,” Michael suggested. 

“Good idea.” 

When a borderline awkward pause hit, Alex asked what kind of music they liked. Seamus liked a little of everything and admitted that he’d caught himself singing along to Backstreet Boys more than once. Dean was into classic hip-hop but could tune out other people’s music so he didn’t care what they listened to. Alex broke the news that he was into pop punk, which garnered a groan from Dean; Seamus was a Fall Out Boy fan. Michael’s eclectic taste was up for discussion, since Dean hated country but Seamus liked it because it was so quintessentially American. 

By late morning, the room was sorted out and all of the items that might be dubiously described as decor were out in the room, and the four of them decided to walk over to Frontier for enchiladas (whereupon they learned that Alex would never turn down an invitation to a meal that included enchiladas). More people were checking in when they made it back to Laguna, and the halls were crowded. The doors to 212 and 215 were open with people going in and out. It was fairly chaotic, but the girls moving into 212 greeted them cheerfully. Both were extremely pretty; Hannah was blonde and a little curvy, whereas Emily was brunette and athletic. Alex was starting to get used to the way girls checked Michael out, but was really surprised when Hannah checked _him_ out. It was disconcerting, but very flattering for such a pretty girl to look at him that way. 215 was guys, but they didn’t stop to introduce themselves, they both had large families with bossy moms telling them what to do. Michael made a mental note to say hi after the overbearing mamas had left the building.

Alex was at his desk, contemplating the relative merits of soda and napping as energy boosts. Caffeine was easier, but napping sounded soooo good. Michael was currently in the shower, and Alex was sleepy enough that even _that_ vision wasn’t impacting him. It was quiet on both sides of the room now, everyone must have gone for food or shopping or something. He tried to stretch carefully, but fuck it hurt. Since the room was empty, he stood and pulled his shirt up to check out the bruising in the mirror. It still looked _horrible._ Absolutely horror-movie horrible. The black and blue faded to purple in most places, and at the edges it was starting to turn that gross green that only existed in bruises. He very carefully pressed against his ribs with his fingers. It still hurt like a motherfucker, but none of the bones moved; he was healing. He tried an experimental deep breath, but had to stop at about half what he thought of as his normal lung capacity. Still, that was an improvement, too. Alex heard the water stop, and quickly pulled his shirt down. Suddenly, the thought of making conversation with Michael seemed overwhelming. Being normal was overwhelming. Hiding this was _overwhelming._ Tears started, and he forced them down. _ If Michael sees me crying, he’ll ask why. I can’t tell him why._ He quickly climbed into bed and pulled the covers over himself. _Stop crying. Just stop. It’s just because you’re tired. It’s fine. Just stop crying._

Michael came into the room completely unaware that Alex was upset, and thought nothing of him being in bed. “Tired?”

“Yah,” he answered. “We got up too early.”

“Yah we did,” Michael agreed. “I’m getting used to sleeping more than four hours at a time.”

Alex laughed and hoped it didn’t sound weird. “I know Maria is going to track us down sooner or later, I’m going to see if I can sleep ‘til she finds me.”

Michael laughed. “If I had anything to do, I’d stay up and do it, but I think a nap might be my plan, too.” He put on a t-shirt. “I have a feeling our neighbors aren’t going to let us have a nice, normal sleep schedule.”

“You’re probably right.” 

“Did you notice Hannah looking at you like a piece of meat?” Michael asked, amused. 

That made Alex laugh. “Yah, no girl has _ever_ looked at me that way. And I’m basically wearing pajamas.”

“What’s she going to think when you’re wearing real clothes and make up?” 

“I know!” Alex laughed. “If she starts flirting with me, I’ll tell her I’m gay. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”

“If she asks me if you’re single?”

“I hadn’t thought about that, actually. If she asks, you can tell her I’m gay.”

Michael tossed his phone onto the bed and climbed up. “Cool. For the record, I’m not interested in either of them, so if they ask, I’m ‘focusing on my studies.’”

“Oh my god,” Alex answered, laughing. “I’ll tell them if they ask.” _Oh thank god._

“Good,” Michael laughed. _Because the only one I’m interested in is you._

“I’m going to set an alarm for 4.” Alex grabbed his phone from by the pillow and pulled up the clock. “By then Maria will be in hot pursuit.”

“Ok. I don’t know if I’ll sleep that long, but I won’t wake you up.”

“Thanks.”

***

Alex woke up to his alarm, vaguely aware that he’d had unpleasant dreams and not feeling especially rested. He had his back to the room, and carefully turned over to see what Michael was doing.

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” he teased from his own bed where he was on his phone. “Maria texted us and I told her it wasn’t worth her life to wake you up.” Michael smiled at Alex’s sleepy chuckle. “I think she wants us to get dinner later. I gotta say, I’ll be happy when the dining hall opens, eating out is fucking expensive.”

“Same here. I think it opens tomorrow. I mean, I love enchiladas, but still.”

“I know I have grants and scholarships and stuff, but I’d like to hold onto as much money as I can since I don’t have a job.”

Alex sat up and grabbed his phone. “I had the same thought. I’m glad that my scholarship includes a grand for books every semester.”

“Shit, _a grand?_ Is that how much books will be? That’s _insane.”_

“It’s bullshit. Someone should make a book sharing website so textbooks are free. Or the publishers should make them fucking affordable.”

“Seriously. I wonder how many books we can get away with _not_ buying?”

“Well, since we have the scholarships, we can buy them and sell them back for a profit at the end of the semester.”

Michael laughed. “Devious.”

Alex grinned, feeling a little better now that he was more awake. Banter with Michael was a mood elevator. “I’m sure the theory is that we’ll keep them if they’re free to us, but fuck that. I’m never going to use my English book again.” He looked at this text messages. “How did I not hear all of these messages?”

“You were out. I’m glad you don’t snore or talk in your sleep.”

“You don’t either, I’m glad. I’m going to text Maria that I’m up.”

_Alex: Im up_

_ Alex: U texted me 500x while i was asleep_

_ Alex: U know how i value sleep_

_ Maria: Are you going to nap constantly now that you’re not at home?_

_ Alex: I hope so_

_ Maria: Alex, college is about partying, not sleeping._

Alex laughed. “Maria says college is about partying not sleeping. Can’t it be both?”

“Hey, we should sleep when we can, since I’m pretty sure staying up late is going to be the norm.”

“I do like to stay up late. If I can’t sleep in, I need a nap.”

_Alex: Im cranky if i’m up late and get up early_

_ Alex: Me napping is in ur best interest_

_ Alex: Im a bitch when im tired_

_ Maria: Yes, you are. _

_ Alex: What time did u want to do dinner_

_ Alex: Im not hungry yet_

_ Maria: I don’t know yet. We were thinking IHOP. I’m craving pancakes._

_ Alex: K lemme know_

“Maria wants pancakes later.”

“I got the impression she was going to get a big group together to go. Think Dean and Seamus would want to go? I bet Maria would dig that accent.”

“You’re so right,” Alex laughed. “He’s cute, she might like him.”

_Damn it, Alex thinks he’s cute. Sigh._ “He’s not really my type. Too pale.”

“Same here. Plus he’s straight, that’s a serious turn off.” Alex laughed along with Michael. “It would be crazy if Maria hooked up with Seamus.” 

“I guess we could invite the girls next door, too,” Michael suggested. “They seem nice, I just don’t want them to think we ‘like’ them.”

“That’s a consideration, yah. I don’t want to be rude, and they could be good friends, you never know. But I don’t want to give them the wrong impression.”

“Maybe we should pass on them, then.”

“I think so.” Alex laughed a little. “I feel like I should text my brothers that a girl was _finally_ interested in me.”

Michael frowned. “Do they know you’re gay?”

“I’m sure they at least suspect I’m gay, but they’ve all been out of the house since before I started ‘flaunting’ myself, as my father puts it. I doubt he’d text them to bitch about me, Flint and Evan are both in war zones right now, but according to my dad, it’s been obvious that I’m a pervert since I was little.”

_Oh no, that sad face will not do._ “You’re not a ‘pervert,’” Michael argued, angry. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Alex smiled. “Thanks. I need that reminder sometimes.”

“When did you start ‘flaunting’ yourself, as your asshole dad says?”

“When I was 16. I decided that if I was going to be punished for being gay, I was going to dress the way I wanted to. If I have to do the time, I might as well do the crime.”

_I can imagine how he was punished. Not gonna ask right now._ “That’s how I got moved to a new home at least three times.”

“We have too many shitty experiences in common.”

Michael smiled. “We’ll have to replace them with good experiences in common.”

“It’s a deal.” _I can think of some good experiences we could have in common._ Alex tried to run his hands through his hair and grimaced. “This is gross. I’m going to take a shower.”

“That’s what you get for putting crap in it every day.”

“I won’t put gel in it so you can see what it looks like. I warn you, it’s floppy and sad.”

“Right, sure, floppy and sad. I’ll pass judgement later.”

“Great.” Alex rolled his eyes. “Can’t wait for beanie season.”

Alex just stood under the water for a long time, trying to let go of the lingering ‘upset’ feeling he’d gotten before his nap that sleep hadn’t helped. Even talking to Michael hadn’t really let him shake it. One source online said that if you could identify the emotion it would help you resolve it, but there were too many words for how he felt and it was overwhelming. Right now, anxious and depressed were fighting with scared and ashamed and he didn’t think he was going to be able to resolve all four of them at once in the length of a single shower. _Maybe I should get therapy. I’m an adult, they don’t have to report it, right?_ Alex really didn’t feel like an adult. At all. 

He eventually washed his hair and body, being careful with his ribs. Even the _skin_ hurt at baseball bat ground zero. When it had first happened, his entire body had hurt and he couldn’t stand anyone touching him anywhere. _I don’t think Dad realized how hard he was going to hit me until after he did it._

“I’ve been in here like half an hour, Michael’s going to think I drowned,” Alex muttered to himself, turning off the water. He toweled his hair dry, not sure about the last time he hadn’t done something with it. Any time he was leaving the house, he put gel in it, and he tried to be out of the house as much as humanly possible. He combed out the tangles and thought about how it would look if he blew it dry. It didn’t matter, he didn’t have a hair dryer, but it was a source of curiosity. _I could borrow Maria’s._

Dressed in a Fall Out Boy t-shirt and boxers, he went back in the room to see that Michael had relocated his laptop to his bed and was drinking a soda. “Okay, I didn’t gel my hair, you’ll get to see it in all of it’s fine, limp, flyaway glory.”

Michael laughed. “Fantastic. I wonder what would happen if I put gel in my hair?”

“It would probably look great, the curls would stay defined. But it would be stiff and crunchy.”

“I’ll pass.”

“You know,” Alex started, thoughtful. “You know what, argan oil would make your hair look like a million bucks. I mean, not that it isn’t already gorgeous,” he assured him, “but it would keep the curls soft and shiny.”

“I have never even heard of that.”

“It’s a new trendy thing. It smells really good, Maria’s put it in her hair before when she’s wearing it natural.”

He cocked an eyebrow at him. “What does it smell like?”

“It smells like argan oil? I don’t know how else to describe it,” Alex laughed. “It’s a warm smell, not feminine or masculine, just natural.” 

“Huh. I’ll take it under consideration.”

“Your hair doesn’t really need anything, it’s nice as it is.”

“Aw, shucks.” Michael grinned when Alex laughed. “It’s kinda long right now, I usually keep it trimmed more than this because it starts getting too tangled and makes little ringlets that look silly.”

“I have no idea how my hair would look long, I’ve had to keep it short my entire life.”

“Grow it out if you want,” Michael suggested. “No one’s going to stop you.”

“What a concept.” Alex looked at himself in the mirrored closet door, moving his hair around. “I can always get it cut if I don’t like it.”

“Exactly.”

Not sure what to do with himself, Alex opted for pulling out his guitar, and he put it on the bed. “Do you care if I play?”

Michael looked up from his computer. “No, as long as it’s not _Hey There Delilah.”_

Alex laughed. “Nothing to worry about there.” 

He played through random chord progressions for a while before easing into _No One’s Gonna Love You_ by Band of Horses. It was sorta empty with just one acoustic guitar, but sounded pretty nonetheless. He sang softly, not really paying attention to anything or performing, just existing. In the same vein, he played _Lovesong_ by The Cure, one of his favorite 80s songs. 311 had redone it, and that version was good, too. Alex sorta floated between different chords and bits of melody he’d written before playing _Vindicated_ by Dashboard Confessional. Most of the time he played through Green Day hits or something, but was just feeling sorta mellow after his shower. He decided to show off what a fucking nerd he was, and played _Fukai Mori_ from _Inu Yasha_, he even knew the lyrics in Japanese. _I’m such a fucking dork. _

Michael just listened, totally ignoring the article on black holes he had on the screen. He could tell Alex wasn’t playing for him, he was just meditating with music, but it was just so _beautiful. _ He was so talented, it was a shame he wasn’t planning to be a professional musician. 

_Wait what?_ “Was that in Japanese?”

“Yah,” Alex answered, laughing a little. “It’s one of my favorite anime theme songs.”

“That’s amazing.” He clapped. “All the songs were amazing, but considering I only speak English and Spanish, I am much impressed.”

“I don’t speak Japanese either, I just learned the lyrics.” He knew he was blushing. “Thanks, though.

“Did you get sheet music for those, or just pick them up from listening?”

“Listening, then finding videos on YouTube for chords I couldn’t figure out.”

“I had not considered YouTube as a source. Mind blown.”

Alex laughed. “You can find anything on YouTube.”

“Except porn.”

“Jesus christ, Maria. Except porn.”

“Some of that was original, too, wasn’t it.”

“Yah,” he answered shyly. “Just little snippets that sounded good.”

“It sounded really good. Don’t stop writing.”

“We said we’d work together, so there’s that.”

Michael hadn’t forgotten. “That’s right.” He couldn’t look away from Alex’s pretty eyes for a few moments. _Vulnerable. He looks vulnerable right now._ “You’re really talented, dude, never stop doing what you love.”

“Thank you,” Alex answered, touched. “My mom was a musician, but my dad didn’t do more than tolerate Flint and I playing guitar.” 

“When did your mom pass away?” Michael asked gently.

“I don’t know if she has.” Alex took a breath. “She left when I was eight and I’ve never heard from her again.”

“Oh, fuck, Alex I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I asked.” Michael felt _horrible._ “I don’t know what to say other than apologize.”

“It’s okay,” Alex replied. “You didn’t know. I wish _I_ knew, though. If she’s alive. It’s worse not knowing.”

“Yah.” Michael decided he couldn’t just leave it there. “I don’t know my parents, I don’t have any memories from before I was about seven. I have no idea if they’re alive.”

“Oh, god, Michael, I’m sorry.” Alex was sure he looked stricken. “I’m so sorry.” Impulsively, he asked, “Do you want a hug? Because I could use one.”

“That’d be great.” He moved his laptop to jump down from his bed and watched Alex carefully climb down. _Don’t squeeze him._

In defiance of standard male hugging conventions, Michael put his arms around Alex’s shoulders, encouraging him to put his arms around his chest. Alex was clearly startled, but relaxed into the embrace, face pressed against his shoulder. _This is almost too nice. _

_This is what heaven feels like.Okay, now the challenge is to not kiss him when he pulls away, _Michael thought to himself. He knew the second that Alex was starting to feel slightly awkward, and loosened his arms. “You okay?”

“Yah. Better. You?” He released Michael very reluctantly. 

“Better.” He gave Alex a crooked smile. “Not a lot of hugs in my life.”

“I’m available for hugging at any time.” Realizing how that sounded, Alex added, “Except maybe when I’m in the bathroom.”

Michael laughed, and took it for the attempt to sound casual that it was. “Good to know. I’m here, too, Alex.”

“Thanks.” Afraid he’d get caught up staring into Michael’s eyes, Alex stepped away. “Just hours after a hot girl thought I was attractive, I’m hugging a guy in my underwear. My tiny shred of heterosexual street cred has been destroyed.” He grinned when Michael cracked up. “Good thing I didn’t text anyone.”

“What do I have to do to have bisexual street cred?”

“Have a threesome, it’s the only way to prove just how bi you are.” 

“As appealing as that sounds,” Michael answered, still laughing, “I think I’ll just survive without street cred.”

Alex made a face. “I think I’m too needy for a threesome, it would hurt my feelings for my boyfriend to mess around with the other guy.”

“I’d definitely never want to do it while I was in a relationship,” Michael agreed. “I’d feel weird.”

“So we can declare the room a threesome-free zone?” Alex joked.

Michael laughed again. “Yes, we can definitely declare that.”

Alex was stowing his guitar in the gig bag when Maria texted them.

_Maria: Dinner in 30?_

_ Michael: Sounds good. Can our suitemates come?_

_ Alex: 1 is from ireland_

_ Alex: He has an accent_

_ Maria: YES!_

Alex and Michael both laughed. “One of us has to put on pants and go ask them if they want to go.”

“We both need to put on pants anyway,” Alex argued, amused. “Rock, paper, scissors?”

That made Michael laugh. “I’ll go, jesus christ. Put some damn pants on.”

_Alex: Michael is going to ask them_

_ Alex: We fought over who was going to put on pants_

_ Alex: He lost_

_ Maria: LOLOLOLOLOL_

_ Maria: Put pants on, you can’t go to IHOP without pants._

_ Maria: Unless you want to borrow a skirt._

That was a hilarious mental picture.

_Alex: Ill pass on the skirt_

_ Alex: Havent shaved my legs in 18 years_

“Dean and Seamus are on board, and they have a car.”

“Sweet.” Alex set his phone down to pull a pair of jeans out of his closet. 

“How many pairs of jeans do you have, just out of curiosity?”

“Uh…” Alex thought about it for a second. “I plead the fifth.”

“So too many.” 

“Basically.”

They were leaving the room when Alex caught a glimpse of his hair. “See, floppy and sad.”

Michael ruffled it. “It’s silky when it doesn’t have shit in it.”

“Oh, okay.” Eyes wide and slightly breathless, Alex followed him out the door. _Okay, when I can wear a beanie, I’m not putting gel in it, if it means Michael will touch it._

Their suitemates were leaving at the same time, and they all went down to the lobby to wait for Maria and Zoey, and their suitemates, Katie and Angelina who were soccer players. They split up who was riding where, Maria in the truck with Michael and Alex, the other girls in the car with Seamus and Dean. “It’s only marginally legal for you to ride in the middle seat,” Michael warned. “I had to scrounge for a seatbelt to replace the one that was missing.”

The entire group sort of looked at him. “What?”

“Do you work on cars?” 

Alex suppressed the urge to say ‘duh’ to Zoey. It was obvious from the statement Michael had just made.

“Uh, yah, I rebuilt the engine on my truck last summer, and replaced all the missing parts.”

“You have out-manned us all, Michael,” Seamus declared. “Our alabaster-smooth hands will never equal yours. Never shall we achieve such testosterone.” When Michael looked skeptical he assured him, “No, I’m actually impressed.”

Everyone laughed at that, and Michael had the unusual experience of being essentially _praised_ for working in a scrap yard rebuilding dead cars. “Uh, thanks. Part of why I’m majoring in mechanical engineering is that I can take almost anything apart and put it back together working.”

“That’s so cool,” Maria said. “Do you want to build things with your degree?”

“Yah, spaceships or rocket propulsion systems.” 

“How have you just become _more_ manly?” Seamus teased. “Next you’ll claim you wrestle bears in the nude or somesuch.” 

“Only on weekends.” 

Dean had a surprisingly nice Volvo, and they split up to drive to the restaurant. Dean and Seamus had been there dozens of times, and Alex navigated them just in case Michael lost track of them since following someone in traffic was a crapshoot. 

“Dean and Seamus make such a visually interesting pair.” Maria turned to Alex. “Seamus is so pale, and Dean’s dark skin looks positively ebony next to him.”

“Dean makes Seamus look like he glows in the dark,” Michael argued. “What do you think, DeLuca, is Seamus hook-up material?”

Alex was shocked to see that Maria was briefly speechless. _Michael 1, Maria 0._

“That is _not_ a very delicate way to ask if I’m interested in someone,” Maria argued.

“I’m not a very delicate person.” Alex could see that Michael was smirking.

“Well,” Maria began, “for your information, _no,_ Seamus is _not_ hook-up material.”

“Dean has a girlfriend, just fyi,” Alex added. 

“Thank you, but Dean is also not hook-up material.” Maria wondered what the hell was up with the two of them.

“Man, I was sure the accent would do it. Why isn’t he good for a hook-up?”

Alex bit his lip, the look on Maria’s face was borderline explosive. 

“Because he seems like a nice boy who deserves more respect than to just be a hook-up.”

“He’s too white, isn’t he?” Alex asked.

“Fuck you, Alex.” She sat there in angry silence for a minute. “Okay, yes, he’s too white.”

“Why isn’t Dean hook-up material?” 

“Are you two going to ask me about every guy I meet?”

Michael laughed. “Possibly.”

Maria quietly fumed for a moment. “Dean is too short.”

“I knew it,” Alex laughed. _I love how Michael is giving Maria a run for her money._

“Did you invite them just for me to evaluate if I would hook-up with either of them?”

Michael laughed. “No, they’re just cool. Picking on you was an added bonus.”

“Y’know, Guerin, I’ve had about enough of your sass.”

“Oh, darlin’, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”

Alex bit his tongue watching Maria glare daggers at Michael. “Hey Maria,” he said, trying to distract her, “our neighbors are pretty girls and one of them totally checked me out.”

“Really?”

Michael nodded. “Yep. Surprised she could keep her tongue in her face.”

“And I was in my pajamas.”

“Damn, boy. Too bad for her, though.”

“We thought about inviting them, but didn’t want them to get the wrong idea.”

“Good idea. You’re not into them either, Guerin?” _You better fucking not be._

“Nah, they’re pretty, but not what I’m looking for.” _Which is Alex._

“Well it’s obvious why I’m not into them,” Alex joked. “I just hope they’re quiet.”

IHOP was crowded, and it took them a while to be seated, but soon enough the entire crew was gathered around a group of tables. Alex could tell that Katie was really an introvert who had been adopted by extroverts through sports, and Alex made an effort to talk to her so she’d feel like she was part of the group. Zoey caught onto that too, and pulled her into the conversation. Seamus couldn’t shut his mouth, but he was good humored about being told to stop hogging the conversation. Angelina was outgoing and enjoyed comparing her home town in Minnesota to Albuquerque. She’d essentially picked the university that was the least like home that she could find and gone there. She’d made instant friends with Maria, despite their different interests, because Angelina’s braids were so amazing that Maria had started to consider getting her own hair braided. 

Michael and Maria continued to pick on each other, riding the line between good-natured and not-so-much. Granted, he didn’t have a lot of experience, but Alex was almost certain that they were flirting, and his stomach plummeted. He tried to be philosophical about it, if he couldn’t have Michael, he’d want someone he loved to take care of him. And he wanted Maria to be happy, and Michael was _amazing._ But it was devastating. He tried to control his facial expression, but something must have leaked through, because Michael turned away from Maria to squeeze his arm.

“Hey, Alex, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just tired,” he lied, and tried to smile.

_I know you’re lying, but I’m not going to call you out in the middle of the restaurant._ “Are you sure? Am I being too mean to Maria? I can knock it off.”

“You’re sweet,” Alex answered. “No, she can defend herself.” _God, Michael, please don’t fall in love with her._

“I’m still not buying that you’re just tired, but I’ll drop it.”

“Thanks.”

Michael couldn’t help but notice that Alex was quiet on the drive back. It wasn’t late, and they all piled into 216 for gaming, Alex included. Everyone else was watching the players, but Michael was watching Alex. He looked like someone had kicked his puppy and spit on his grandmother’s grave. _What the hell is going on? He was completely fine before, I thought we were all having fun._

The party was still well underway when Alex excused himself around 10pm. He felt like he’d been punched in the stomach, and just wanted to wash his face and go to bed. The worst part of Michael and Maria liking each other was that he had no idea what to do about it. If he managed to catch Michael’s eye, he’d be taking away attention that Maria wanted. If he let Michael win Maria over, he lose his chance with Michael. Maria was beautiful, and healthy, and had no reason to hide her body. She could flirt with him and actually act on it. _And I can’t. Even if I told Michael right now about my dad, it wouldn’t make him like me. It would just make him sad. I don’t want his pity. I want him to like me. I want him to love me. _

He turned to face the wall when he got into bed, and hid his tears in his pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title: Kids - MGMT
> 
> Also in the chapter:
> 
> No One’s Gonna Love You - Band of Horses; Lovesong - The Cure; Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional; Fukai Mori - Do As Infinity


	9. Decode

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one caught the reference in the names Hannah and Emily as their neighbors? No one? What if I spell it Hanna? She's drooling over Alex specifically?

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49082969702/in/dateposted-public/)

A sound woke Michael when it was still pitch black in the room. At first he thought it was just random noise from the hall, and had put his head back on the pillow when he heard it again. A whimper. He turned over quickly, looking across the dark room at Alex. He’d been asleep when Michael came in, and looked like he was still asleep, but he was clearly, obviously, seriously, having a terrible dream. 

Michael couldn’t handle those distressed cries for a single second, and jumped down from his bed to jump onto Alex’s, watching him twist like he was trying to get away but couldn’t. “Alex, hey, dude, wake up, it’s just a dream,” he soothed, trying to keep his voice as calm and even as possible. “Wake up, baby, wake up.” When Alex didn’t respond other than to shake, he gently gripped his upper arms, rubbing, not restraining. He raised his voice. “Alex, wake up.” The sharp command must have cut through the nightmare, because his eyes popped open, terrified, and he gasped. “Hey, it’s just me, it’s okay.”

It took a second to recognize Michael in the dark, still caught up in the dream. Finally his held breath just whooshed out, and Alex shuddered before taking another one. 

“Hey, there you are,” Michael said softly, squeezing his arms. “You gonna be okay?”

For a split second, Alex thought he was going to be okay. 

He was not.

He started sobbing.

“Shit,” Michael muttered. He wasn’t annoyed with Alex, fuck no, he just felt terrible for him. “Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” When Alex didn’t respond, he scooted closer to him on the bed, and pulled him into his arms. “I’ve got you.” 

No one had held him while he cried after a nightmare since he was little. He’d never had a nightmare while spending the night with Liz or Maria. And it was _Michael._ Alex clutched him, warm and sold and real and not hurt and not pushing him away. After a few minutes, he tried to calm down. “I’m sorry,” he choked out.

“No, don’t be,” Michael answered, rubbing his back gently, cognizant of Alex’s injury. “Cry if you need to.” When Alex didn’t object to the affection, he kissed the top of his head. “It’s okay.”

Alex wasn’t aware of anything other than the ebbing terror and the warm comfort of arms around him. He was sure he was probably getting snot on Michael’s chest, but he wasn’t complaining, just rubbing his shoulders and murmuring things that sounded kind and caring. 

This had been an especially bad nightmare because it wasn’t just about his dad beating the shit out of _him_, he’d been attacking _Michael._ The most horrific thing he could possibly imagine was his father hurting him. Part of him wanted to tell Michael about the dream, part of him didn’t, but he was crying too hard to talk anyway so it didn’t matter. He thought he felt Michael’s hand in his hair, and that was so soothing and felt so nice he wasn’t really sure what to do, but it did help him calm down a little. He managed a slow breath, then another. He couldn’t breathe too deeply, but he could try to get oxygen into his panicked brain.

“Good, breathe.” Michael didn’t make any effort to pull away, or move Alex away from him. They were on their sides, Michael with his arms around Alex’s shoulders, and Alex wrapped around him and holding onto him dear life. “I’ve got you.”

“Oh god,” Alex choked out, still crying a little. “Michael.” He shuddered and tried to keep breathing. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, there’s nothing to be sorry for.” He regulated his own breathing to be slow and steady, and Alex copied him without thinking about it. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Alex shook his head. “No.”

Michael immediately knew it was about his father. “Okay.” Alex wasn’t letting him go, and he ran his fingers through his hair. “Your hair is so soft,” he mused. That earned him a tremulous laugh. “Not floppy and sad.” 

“Thanks.” Alex was pretty sure he’d never gel it again if Michael would keep playing with it. It was relaxing and gave him goosebumps at the same time. “This was a really, really bad one.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael murmured. “Think you’ll be able to go back to sleep?”

“Yah, here in a second I’ll be too exhausted to stay awake.” His heart rate was slowing, and his breathing was returning to normal. 

“Fight or flight is a bitch.” Michael smiled when that pulled a weak laugh out of Alex. “Want me to stay?”

“You don’t have to,” Alex answered, but dear god that sounded amazing.

“Scoot over so I don’t fall off the bed.” He waited for Alex to move closer to the wall then got under the covers, lifting his arm so Alex would know he’d still hold him. “Here.”

Not quite sure he wasn’t dreaming, Alex cuddled into his side, and put an arm over Michael’s chest. He felt Michael’s arm go under his pillow, and the other wrap around him. He had to adjust a little to take pressure off of his ribs, and Michael accommodated him. “Thank you so much,” he whispered. 

“Any time.” _Literally, any time._

As the adrenaline crash was descending, Alex thought he felt Michael kiss his forehead, but was out before he could think about it.

***

Alex wasn’t sure what time he woke up. It was early judging by the tone of the light and the quiet in the hallway. His eyes still felt raw and puffy, his nose was a little clogged, and he had a headache. His side hurt. But absolutely none of that mattered, because his face was pressed against Michael’s shoulder, and the other boy had his arm around him, keeping him toasty warm. His own arm was around Michael’s waist, and their knees were touching. Michael was still asleep, and Alex luxuriated in the sensation of being held by the one person he actually wanted to touch him.

His memories of the night were foggy, which was normal after a nightmare. He remembered waking up because Michael was talking to him, ripping him out of a horrible scene where his dad had hit Michael with the bat instead of him, and he’d been helpless to stop him. There was blood in the dream, which made it worse. When he’d opened his eyes, for a second he could still see Michael’s face twisted in pain, and the relief that it had just been a dream had been so profound that for a second, he hadn’t thought he’d cry. Of course he had, and Michael had held him, talking softly and rubbing his back, messing with his hair and making him laugh. And he’d _stayed._ Michael had asked him to move over, and had gotten into bed with him and let him snuggle with him until he fell asleep. And apparently they hadn’t moved much. Which made him reevaluate his conclusion from the night before. 

_Would Michael have stayed in bed with me if he was really into Maria?_ Alex knew he wouldn’t be able to snuggle with his roommate if he was crushing on someone else. Wake him up from a nightmare, yes, but not sleep with full body contact while wanting to be with someone else. _This still doesn’t mean he ‘likes’ me,_ Alex cautioned himself, even though this was really fucking intimate. _But I don’t think he’s that into Maria. Yet._ It could still happen, but for now, Alex didn’t feel like it was inevitable. _This is a special kind of close, this isn’t just roommates, this isn’t even just friends. I don’t know what this is, and I don’t know what’s going to happen when he wakes up, but I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth._

He must have fallen back asleep, because the next thing he knew, Michael was rubbing his arm. He opened his eyes to smiling amber ones, and felt like the world couldn’t really be a better place. “Hey.”

Michael chuckled, a sleepy soft sound. “Mornin’. How’re you feeling?”

Alex closed his eyes again for a second. “My head hurts, but overall okay.” _I’m sure I can’t keep snuggling with him now that I’m awake._ “Thank you for staying with me.”

Unable to resist, Michael ran his fingers through Alex’s hair. “You’re welcome.” He didn’t make any move to pull away, and was happy that Alex didn’t either, even though there was tension in his body now. “You don’t move much in your sleep.”

He laughed softly. “Good to know.” He finally had to pull away from Michael to yawn. “Sorry.”

Michael laughed. “How dare you yawn.” _I really don’t want to get out of his bed, but I think I’d better before I do something I might regret._ “You okay if I get up?”

“Oh, yah, of course. Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” Michael stretched, and turned around to get off the bed. The silence surprised him, and he twisted a little to see Alex with his hand over his mouth. “Oh fuck.”

“Michael,” he whispered. “Oh my god.”

His shoulders slumped. “Yah.” _Great._

“No wonder you have nightmares.” _What did they even use on him to make scars like this? _ “I use, um, vitamin E oil on my scars, it makes them not show as much. You have to massage it in to break up the scar tissue.” He gently rubbed Micheal’s warm skin, making sure he knew he wasn’t disgusted. “Obviously you can’t reach your back, but I can do it for you.” 

“That is really not what I expected you to say.” He shook his head. Of course Alex had scars that he’d had to cover up. _I’m going to murder his father. _

“What were you expecting?” Alex was still running his hands over Michael’s back.

“I don’t know, some kind of sympathetic reassurance that they aren’t that bad? Sort of a pitying question about who would do something like this? A ‘why didn’t you tell someone?’”

“Wouldn’t empty sympathy like that be insulting? You’re really tough, you’re realistic, and you’re smart. I’m not going to lie to you so that I can feel less uncomfortable about noticing the scars.” He started rubbing Michael’s tense shoulders. “And I don’t pity you, you’re not a victim who’s broken, you’re a survivor.” Feeling that Michael wasn’t relaxing, he put his arms around his shoulders in a loose hug. “We both got out. I couldn’t help you when this was happening, but I can now.”

Michael let Alex’s words sink in. _He gets it. He gets not being able to tell anyone. He gets not wanting fake sympathy and lies. And he cares._ He leaned back into Alex, and felt his arms tighten around his shoulders. “Thanks.” Alex’s empathy was like putting a cool cloth on a sunburn. He lifted his arms to cover Alex’s hands with his and felt his cheek pressed against his neck. _This is not ‘just friends.’ This is so much more._ This was what he wanted more than _anything._ But he was still going to take his time with Alex. They weren’t there yet. “Thanks,” he whispered again.

“This is really unsupportive,” Alex said as he pulled away. “But I really need to use the bathroom.”

Laughing, Michael slid off the bed. “Same here. You can go first.”

Michael checked his phone while he was waiting for his turn, it was only 9am. It was actually exactly 9am. _Random._ Then again, Alex had gone to bed really early. He frowned. _What was up with him last night?_ He both wanted to ask and didn’t want to, he didn’t want Alex to feel weird or bad.

“Your turn.” Alex had also brushed his teeth and washed his face. “I hear noise from next door, you might want to hurry.” 

Michael hurried. Alex was sitting at his desk when he went back into the room. “You still okay?”

Alex chuckled. “As okay as I can be when I wake up before noon.” He smiled when Michael laughed. “I went to bed really early, so it’s not surprising that I’m up.”

“You did seem a little, um, off last night.”

“Yah.” _Gotta explain._ “When I took a nap yesterday, I had shit dreams and woke up in a weird mood. Everything was making me want to cry so I just went to bed.” _Completely true. Just missing the most important piece of information._

“Got it.” Michael was pretty sure there was more to it than that. “You woke up upset and I brought up your mom.” He squeezed Alex’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Alex put his hand over Michael’s on his shoulder. “I’m fine today, probably because of you. No apologies needed. If I can’t apologize to you for falling apart in the middle of the night, you can’t apologize for doing absolutely nothing wrong.”

“Okay, it’s a deal.” Michael squeezed him one more time, then pulled away before he leaned down and kissed him. “Can I interest you in Starbucks for breakfast? My treat.”

“That sounds great.” _Can I pretend this is a date?_ “I can definitely benefit from caffeine and coffee cake.”

“Coffee cake?” 

“Oh my god, you have to try their coffee cake, it’s so good.”

They both dressed quickly, Alex deciding to wear jewelry and Michael opting to wear a baseball cap. Alex checked himself in the mirror, he had circles under his eyes, but had zero desire to cover them with make up. He really only wore concealer or foundation when he had bruises on his face. He messed with is hair and decided he just didn’t care about it. “I need another baseball cap.” He looked at Michael. “I also wore mine backwards.

“It’s the only way to wear a ball cap without looking like a jock or a dork.”

Alex laughed. “I completely agree.” 

They walked to Starbucks in companionable silence, neither of them brooding, both of them just enjoying the morning and the ability to be comfortable with each other without needing to say anything. There was no way they could have had the experiences of the last 24 hours without bonding; Michael had already felt like Alex was going to be his best friend, and now he was infinitely more emotionally attached to him. Alex felt essentially the same; the crush and friendship felt deeper and more intense now, like they were not quite in a relationship but close enough for now. They’d each seen a glimpse of each other’s past trauma, and Alex had some pretty significant hope now that they could build on this, and that the secrets could eventually come out without judgements or accusations. Michael was even more convinced that he could trust Alex with his secret. It was a gut feeling. He wasn’t quite ready to go there yet, they’d been friends _a week,_ but the trust between them now was going to keep building, and he was relieved to know that someday, someday relatively soon, he could have the emotional support he needed to shoulder the burden of being not of this world.

They ordered and parked it at a small table, and Alex got up to get the drinks and cake when Michael’s name was called. Michael agreed that the coffee cake was amazing, and they traded foods they both liked back and forth, starting with the offerings at Starbucks and expanding to other locations. Both of them liked sweets, and Alex suggested Michael try the chocolate croissant then next time they came, which led to the discussion of just how much Alex liked chocolate. Alex had gotten chocolate with chili powder that was alarmingly spicy the previous Christmas, and promised he’d ask Maria where her mom had gotten it, because Michael felt a mighty need. 

Their phones chimed in unison, so they knew it was Maria.

_Maria: You guys up? _

_ Maria: I’m thinking a shopping trip is in order._

_ Maria: The mall maybe? I don’t need anything, I’m just having shopping withdrawal._

Alex and Michael both laughed.

_Alex: Not surprised_

_ Michael: Is there even a mall in Roswell?_

“No.”

_Maria: No._

_ Alex: I guess we can go_

_ Michael: Alex wants a new hat. _

_ Maria: Then we’re morally obligated to go to the mall._

“‘Morally obligated?’” Alex laughed.

_Michael: Okay we’ll head back to campus._

Alex stood and took their empty drink cups and treat bags.

_Maria: Where are you?_

_ Michael: Starbucks. We were up early._

Michael frowned, confused, when a text from Maria, not in their group, came in.

_Maria: Is it a date?_

He considered his response. He certainly thought of it as a date, but he didn’t want to tell _Maria_ it was date if _Alex_ didn’t know it was a date.

_Michael: He had a nightmare in the middle of the night. I got him coffee._

_ Michael: And coffee cake._

He waited for Maria to respond.

_Maria: What did you do?_

_ Michael: About the nightmare? I woke him up._

_ Maria: So you could go back to sleep?_

_ Michael: No because I care about him and we already agreed to wake each other up._

The three dots bounced for a while.

_Maria: Don’t hurt him._

_ Michael: That’s the last thing I want to do._

“Ready?”

Michael pocketed his phone and stood. “Yep.”

They went directly to Maria’s room when they got back to the residence hall. She was wearing a floral peasant blouse and jeans with wedge sandals. Michael knew _nothing_ about women’s fashion, but even he knew the shirt was beautiful. “Your shirt is really pretty,” he complimented. “I know literally nothing about girl clothes, but that looks expensive.” _Was that rude? I have no idea._

Alex felt a twinge of jealousy but tried to ignore it, and laughed instead. “Is that the one you tried to get me to wear to the fall dance last year?”

Maria laughed. “It would have been expensive if I hadn’t gotten it at a consignment store. And yes, this was my attempt to get you to go to the dance in drag.”

Curious, Michael took her arm and held up the rich floral to Alex’s cheek. “Gotta say, the colors are right for you.” He watched Alex blush. “And the floaty fabric would look sorta like a fairy.”

Maria _cackled._ “See? You should have worn it.”

“Considering that Kyle tried to beat me up for wearing a _tux to prom,_ I can only imagine what would have happened if I’d worn this to a dance.”

“And that was a fucking cool tux, too. Fucking Valenti.” Maria was putting the finishing touches on her make up. “What happened to him? You guys used to be such good friends.”

“You know what happened, he didn’t want people to think he was gay by association.”

“What an asshole,” Michael interjected. “You don’t just dump your friends for being gay.”

“Why thank you,” Alex replied, touched. “I didn’t even know I was being ‘gay.’ I was thirteen. It’s not like I tried to kiss him or hold his hand. I still don’t know what I did that seemed gay.” He shook his head. “I mean, I didn’t even have a crush on him, I was trying really hard to figure out why I had a crush on Brad Cavanaugh. Maybe I said something about him.”

“What happened to him after graduation?”

“Kyle or Brad? Kyle went to Michigan on a football scholarship, Brad joined the Navy so he’d never see Roswell again. I have no idea if he ever knew I had a crush on him.”

“I want to see a pic of a tux that was so cool it incited violence.”

Alex and Maria both laughed, and she picked up her phone. “Here, let me pull up a picture.” She thumbed through her photos for a while before picking one. “Here. Formal meets pop punk.”

It was a picture of Alex posing with Maria and who had to be his friend Liz. “That is a cool tux. You looked good in it.” He looked for a little longer. “Is this Liz?”

“Yah.” Maria shook her head. “She hasn’t responded to my texts in a couple weeks.”

“Same here. But she was going on that road trip, so she might have lost her phone.”

“You could be right. Or maybe she’s trying to forget that she was falling for Max Evans right before graduation and decided to avoid us.”

“I hope that’s not it.”

“Anyway,” Maria announced, changing the subject. “Mall time.”

“Where’s Zoey?” Alex asked as they were going into the hallway.

“She’s a theatre major, they have a boot camp type thing this week.”

“It’s hard to imagine a theatre boot camp,” Michael mused.

“Same here, I’ll ask her about it later.”

Maria discovered something while they were in the truck heading to Coronado Center. Something so precious that the only response was to squeal excitedly. She dumped it into the _Michael loves Alex_ folder with their coffee date this morning. “You two sing _harmony?”_

“Kinda,” Michael laughed, tickled. It hadn’t been intentional.

“Sometimes?” Alex answered, embarrassed because he really did think it was cute. “This is a mix playlist, so it’s not like I planned it.”

“You sound fantastic. Better than we do.” She indicated herself and Alex. “I know I’m okay, but you two sound great. And you should hear _Zoey_ sing more than just Disney songs!”

“Maybe we should actually practice some songs,” Michael suggested. “I mean, on Iron & Wine it works because my voice is lower and you know how to make a descant, but we could find something for your range and I can do a regular harmony.”

Alex blushed even harder, that sounded so...couply. And he _loved_ it. “Okay, yah. That would be cool.”

Maria also thought that sounded extremely couply, added it to the folder, and kept her opinion to herself. For the time being.

Much like their trip to Target, the trip to the mall with Maria included looking at almost everything. Maria got a lot of her clothes at second-hand stores, but that was at least in part because, unlike the good people of Roswell, Walmart was _not_ where she was going to buy her wardrobe. “I have to get a job once I get used to my classes,” she announced. “With this much shopping _right here,_ I’m going to need to have extra money.”

Alex laughed. “Okay, you’re about to cross the line into hoarder territory. You have to part with some clothes before you buy any more.”

“Hmph.” She gave him an unimpressed smirk. “Uh huh. Right.” 

Michael thought it was funny how Maria just exuded sass while still obviously being a genuinely nice person. 

They found good hats at a store that was clearly trying to appeal to young people with ‘edgy’ clothes and shoes, and a case full of stickers for putting on skateboards and bike helmets. Compared to Roswell, it _was_ pretty edgy, and Alex wasn’t sure why they hadn’t gone in when they’d been at the mall the last time. Maria liked to wear a hat backwards over her curls like a 90s pop singer, and she immediately grabbed one that was an intensely-colored floral. Michael looked at it dubiously. “It’s with all the guy hats, is it supposed to be a guy’s hat?”

“Yah,” the clerk, a guy with a goatee made unattractive by acne and gauged-out ears, replied. “They started marketing them in California and they’ve been popular there, I don’t know about Albuquerque’s guys getting into flowered hats.”

Alex was turning one in his hands. It was black and had deep red and pink roses and leaves that were somewhere between dark green and dark brown. “I saw these on the Vans website, but they’re nicer in person. The colors are really intense.” 

“California is basically skate central,” the clerk commented. “A lot of guys are wearing them forward instead of backward out there.” He grabbed a print out from the register. “This is the signage I’m supposed to be putting up,” he laughed. The small poster was two guys at a skatepark wearing the bright floral hats and Vans shoes. “Do you guys skate?”

“He does,” Michael answered, still mulling over his choice of hats. All of his other hats were free. And they looked like it. “I don’t know how I feel about florals.”

Alex was looking in the mirror by the hat display, and decided that a hat with roses on it would piss his dad off like nothing else. He adjusted the size and popped it on his head, first looking at it forward, and that flipping it around to the back. “I actually really love this.”

Michael’s first thought was to say it was definitely gayer than his old hat, but stopped himself before being a raging dickhead in front of the entire store. “It looks good on you,” he said instead, since that was also true. “You have the attitude for a rose hat.”

Alex grinned at himself in the mirror. “The attitude?”

“Yah, you know, you’re sweet but a badass so don’t fuck with me?”

He laughed, taking the hat off. “Sweet but a badass. I’ll get that tattooed on my body somewhere.”

“Maria will suggest your ass, I just know it.” He said that as they walked toward her so she’d hear part of the conversation. “Right?”

“What about Alex’s ass?” She lifted an eyebrow at Michael and gave him a suggestive look. “You interested?”

“Oh god, Maria, shut up.” Alex felt his face flaming. _I swear she thinks she can embarrass us into dating._ “A tattoo.”

“Oh, then yes, I suggest your ass.” She laughed when Alex rolled his eyes and walked away. She narrowed her eyes and gave Michael a _look._ “What is he getting tattooed on his ass?”

“I told him he could pull off a flowered hat because he was sweet but also a badass. The tattoo was his suggestion.” He looked at her for a second. “What?”

“I’ve never seen Alex trust someone like this. It worries me.”

He smiled, a crooked smile that said a lot about his fucked up life. “It worries me how much _I_ trust _him._” He rolled his eyes, deciding that this much seriousness was too much. “But don’t encourage him to get a tattoo on his ass, okay? It’s cute, I don’t want him to mess it up.” He gave her a suggestive wink and sauntered off. 

They all three ended up getting hats, Alex and Maria the florals they’d spotted, and Michael a plain black one with a suede bill. It was possibly the classiest baseball cap in the world, and yet, still edgy. Alex thought it was perfect for him, and a lot better than the sweat-stained white tractor company hat that he’d left the dorms in. Maria produced tiny scissors from a case in her purse to cut off the tags, and Michael and Alex put theirs on. She opted not to, since it wouldn’t match her outfit. Alex pretended not to notice when Michael’s old hat was tossed into the trash.

In addition to the hat, Alex had also gotten a couple stickers for his skateboard, but was contemplating putting at least one on his laptop. After all, what could his dad do about it from three hours away? And it wasn’t like Chris wanted it back or anything. 

Maria spent way too much time in Forever 21 and H&M, which both boys suffered through. She tried on at least 20 things at each store and didn’t buy any of them. Each item was critiqued by Alex and Michael, of course, but nothing was perfect enough to justify buying it. One of the tops Alex considered buying for himself, it was an almost-black shade of reddish purple with a black skull print, but decided it was too obviously a girl’s shirt. The deep V neck was a dead giveaway. Still. 

They ended up in the food court with Maria only having bought a hat, which was extremely disappointing to her. “I can’t believe I didn’t find anything else to get.”

Michael dropped his head into his hands at the table. “DeLuca, you tried on a thousand things, and none of them made the cut. Maybe you’re just too picky.”

Alex patted his back soothingly, pulled a laugh out of the other boy. “She is picky.”

“Excuse me, the term is ‘selective.’ Besides, we didn’t hit every store yet.”

Alex started sobbing dramatically and collapsed onto Michael’s back, which made him laugh harder. Maria glared at both of them. “Alex, you’re usually a much better shopping companion than this, Michael must be a bad influence on you.”

He sat up and gave her a look. “Uh huh. It can’t be because I’ve never had to shop an entire mall with you before and I haven’t built up the stamina for it yet.” 

“It’s like any other sport, DeLuca, you have to work up to it to win a gold medal.”

“I’ll whip you both into shape.” 

There was a boba tea shop in the food court, and none of them had ever had it, so decided to live dangerously. All of the flavors were mysterious and unfamiliar, and they took the suggestions of the girl working. Maria got melon tea, Michael got milk tea, and Alex got taro. He was unimpressed when it turned out to be lavender, but to their credit, neither Michael nor Maria announced loudly that lavender was appropriate for him. 

“Okay, let’s try this.” Maria took a sip of hers, then moved the straw around to find one of the huge tapioca beads. 

Michael and Alex watched her face.

“Okay, it’s weird, but good.” She took another drink and chewed the boba a little before swallowing. “It’s really good.”

Michael tried his. Milk tea was good. “It’s like there are balls of thick slime in the bottom.” He tried again. “I’m not sure about this.”

Maria and Alex laughed. “Okay, let me try my gay tea.” He sipped carefully, the flavor was awesome. “Okay, taro by itself is good. Now for a ball of slime.” He slurped enthusiastically and was rewarded with a mouthful of tapioca. He chewed and swallowed. “It’s thicker than slime,” he argued. “But I’m a fan.” 

They walked around for a while just chatting and following Maria into stores. “Look, Alex,” she said, pointing to the display in Claire’s, “they have more nose rings.”

Michael had stopped seeing Alex’s septum piercing and had to remember why Alex would want a nose ring. He looked into the case with him. “These are just for regular noses.”

Alex nodded. “Yah. And I don’t really trust body jewelry from Claire’s.” He touched his ear. “This isn’t a real plug,” he admitted, “so I could get a different stud if I wanted.”

“I like that one.” Michael felt warm when Alex smiled at him. “But get what you want.”

“I don’t actually want a different earring right now. I have a couple silver hoops too.”

“I’m trying to convince him to get a huge diamond like a rap star,” Maria announced as she came over to them. “But for some reason he’s not into it.”

Michael laughed. “Yah, I really can’t see that.”

Maria got several pairs of earrings, since according to her, you couldn’t have too many. “Are big earrings the style?” Michael asked as she was holding them up in front of the mirror.

“Obviously, or they wouldn’t have such a variety.” She held up long, trailing peacock plumes. “But they’re 100% Maria style.” 

By the time Maria was ready to leave the mall, Alex and Michael were _done_ with shopping for a least a month. _Done._ She tentatively suggested a trip to Goodwill and was shot down immediately by a cranky Alex who hadn’t slept enough for this shit and an annoyed Michael who asked if she was going to carry them around the store because they were _tired._

“Maria, I’ll buy you lunch if you don’t make us shop any more today.”

She rolled her eyes. “You _like_ shopping.” 

“We’ve been here for almost four _hours,”_ Alex whined. “I’m hungry, I’m tired, and I’m about to sound like a toddler who needs a nap.”

“I don’t know how you got so tired just following me around, but fine, whatever.”

They went through a drive thru on the way back to campus and ate in the truck before going back into the residence hall. Maria learned that absolutely no trash was to be left in the truck. “No matter how rough it looks on the outside, it’s my baby, we’re keeping it clean.” 

“Come to our room if you want to hang out,” Alex suggested. His ulterior motive was to sit on his bed and ‘accidentally’ fall asleep.

“You just want to fall asleep on your bed.” 

“Fuck, I hate that you’re psychic.”

Maria smacked his arm. “No, I just know you.” She held up her shopping bags. “I’ll drop my stuff off and come down to see you.”

Alex was relieved to step into the cool, dim, quiet of their room. It was soothing. “I hope Maria finds more friends to shop with,” Alex complained. “Walking around or even driving around in Roswell is not the same high-intensity workout that mall shopping is. And shopping without ending up at the Crashdown for milkshakes is just not the same.”

Michael set his lovely new hat on this desk and kicked off his shoes. “The Crashdown?”

“It’s the restaurant we all hung out at in Roswell. My friend Liz? Her dad is the owner. Everything on the menu has a space or alien themed name.” At Michael’s pained look, Alex explained, “The food was really amazing, good enough to make up for the names.” 

“I’ll have to take your word for it.”

“Nope, you’re going to be forced to have a Little Green Man Shake when you come to visit. Resistance is futile.” 

Michael groaned. “You’re dead to me.” 

“If you think the names are bad, wait til you see the waitress’s uniform. Here, let me find a pic of Liz.” Alex thumbed through his phone. “Okay, here. Look at this. Tourists _love_ it.”

“Oh shit, that’s _bad._ Are those antennas?” 

“Yah, Liz has a set for the holidays that light up.” He flipped through his gallery to find another one. “Here, you can see the apron is a silver alien head.”

“Jesus christ,” Michael laughed. “Whoever thought of this should be shot. Liz is pretty, though. Who’s this guy with her?” It was a good-looking Hispanic guy in a letter jacket.

“Kyle Valenti, they dated most of high school.”

“The guy that tried to beat you up?”

“Yah. When he shoved me at prom, Liz broke up with him on the spot. Total humiliation in front of the entire school. In retrospect, it was kinda funny.” 

“You said he’s going to Michigan?”

Alex nodded. “Big football school, far from Roswell, etc.”

“Yah, it’s a huge school, he’s going to have to deal with gay people all over the place. I hope he grows the fuck up.”

“Me too. He’s pre-med I think, so yah, he needs to pull his head out of his ass.”

Alex let Maria in when she knocked. He was surprised to see that she’d brought three big pillows. “You boys have nothing comfy in here, I brought seating.”

Alex wanted to point out that sitting on the dubiously clean floor was going to make his ribs hurt, but obviously, he couldn’t. He settled on the floor with the leopard pillow he’d cried all over the other night. Maria started pulling things out of the little bag on her arm: playing cards, dice, cookies, gummy bears, an Arizona iced tea, and a bag of Hot Cheetos.

“Wow, are we having a picnic?” Michael joked as he settled against the big black pillow. It was very soft, and he caught himself just petting it. 

“Well, I didn’t want to presume that you’d share snacks, and also, I don’t want fucking apples, so I brought stuff.”

“Why, god,” Alex implored the ceiling, “why do they pick on me for liking fruit?”

“There’s probably a rude gay joke in there,” Maria suggested.

Alex rolled his eyes. “Yes, Maria, fruit, ha ha.”

Michael watched Alex’s face. The joke bothered him, even though Maria didn’t mean anything by it, and was a ‘safe’ person to talk to. He didn’t know what to say to make Alex feel better, everything that ran through his mind would make things worse. He changed the subject. “So are we having a rousing game of high-stakes Go Fish?”

Maria laughed. “Absolutely.” She picked up the deck and unwrapped the plastic. “Unused deck. Never been opened.”

“Okay.” Michael watched her open the box, slide out the cards, and shuffle them. She shuffled twice, then handed the deck to Alex, who took them with a smile, and shuffled them again before passing them to Michael. He took the cards. “I’m supposed to shuffle them, I assume?” When she nodded, he did, and then again just to be thorough. “This is some serious Go Fish.” He handed the cards back when she held out her hand. 

“Alex, wanna go first?”

“You can always see my cards, Maria, you’re basically in my head.”

“Then you’ve got nothing to hide. Pick three.” She fanned out the deck. “Keep them hidden, don’t show me.”

Alex rolled his eyes, but complied. He looked, ace of hearts, five of spades, queen of clubs. “Okay.” He, Maria, and Liz had always been close, and this was a part of their bonding as friends. 

“Show them to Guerin, so he knows I’m not faking.”

Michael was distinctly worried now. There were a couple of different ways that Maria could ‘see’ the cards, at least according to his research. One was clairvoyance, where she could ‘see’ things that were outside of her line of sight. That was cool. The other, though, involved telepathy, and he did _not_ want a strange girl in his head. _Too many fucking secrets. _ “Okay.”

She closed her eyes briefly, smiling. “You’ve done this too many times, Alex. You have the ace of hearts, five of spades, and queen of clubs, but you’re thinking about the three of diamonds.”

Impressed, just like he was every time, Alex set the cards down. “I’m too easy.”

“You are, you picture things so clearly in your head.” She turned to Michael. “Wanna try?”

_No._ “So are you actually reading his mind? Or can you just tell which cards he pulled? Or what?”

“Of course, engineering student wants to know how it works.” She took Alex’s cards and shuffled them back into the deck. “I don’t read minds,” she started. “When I do this, I ask the person to hold the picture of their cards in their mind’s eye. I can see what they see in their mind’s eye. People try to trick me,” she indicated Alex, “but no one can.” She paused when Alex raised an eyebrow at her. “Okay, most people can’t.”

“So you just see pictures?”

“And surface feelings. With people that I know well, I can always tell how they’re feeling. With people I don’t know, I have to concentrate. If you’re having a strong emotion, and I touch you while I concentrate, I _might_ see whatever it is that’s causing it. Like, if you were visibly upset, and I touched your arm, I might be able to see what is upsetting you if you have a visual attached to it and you’re thinking very hard about that visual.” She smiled. “I don’t touch people I don’t know with bare skin if I can avoid it.”

“That is really fucking terrifying,” Michael answered, unable to modulate his message. “I don’t know if I want to do this.”

Maria gave him a completely different look, thoughtful and surprised at the same time. “You believe me.” It was a novel experience, to have someone not just humor her, but to _believe_ the evidence in front of his face. 

“Well, yah, I saw what you just did with Alex. And you could _explain_ it. If you’d just said ‘it’s magic’ I wouldn’t, but yah, no, I believe you.” _How can I not? Paranormal abilities are pretty fucking close to home for me._ Michael was legitimately scared. Even more so than he’d been with her mom, because Maria could _explain_ how her powers worked. That was very different from fortune telling.

“You don’t want me to see whatever else is going on in your head, I get it. But unless you _ask_ me to try to go deeper, without me touching you, all I’ll be able to do is see the picture in your mind and possibly feel your nerves.” _It’s so nice to have someone believe me. Kinda strange to have someone believe me enough to be legit scared of me._ But it did make her wonder if there was much more to Michael Guerin than met the eye.

“If I manufactured an emotion, would you be able to tell?” 

Maria was confused. “Like what?”

“Well, like right now, you’re right, I’m nervous. But what if I was faking an emotion, do you think you could tell the difference?”

“I have no idea. I don’t even know if I’ll feel any emotions from you at all.”

Michael took a few deep breaths, considering. The idea that he was in the room with someone else who had abilities was a little mind blowing. He really wanted to participate in the card trick, but also didn’t want to reveal anything. “Has there ever been someone whose mind you couldn’t get into?”

“Oh, yah, that happens all the time. You have to be receptive to the game of it. If you’ve got walls up, I’m gonna have a lot harder time, and I might not see anything at all.”

“Interesting.” _I wonder if I can intentionally keep her out?_ “Okay, lemme pick three cards.”

Ace of spades, queen of hearts, king of hearts. 

“Show them to Alex.”

Michael showed the cards to Alex, who nodded. He watched Maria close her eyes. Like when her mom had been telling his fortune, there was that tiny trickle of feeling like when he used his own powers, that feeling like he might get a nosebleed any second. It was like someone was tapping on the outside of his mind, asking to come in. He refused.

“You’re blocking me.” Maria sounded pleased. “But Alex saw your cards, and it was the ace of spades and the king and queen of hearts. He doesn’t know how to block me.”

Alex was just staring. “How are you blocking her?” 

“He has shields, like a barrier around his thoughts. I can’t get in unless he lets me.” She cocked an eyebrow at him. “And you’re not gonna let me, are you?”

“Not on the first date, DeLuca.” _Thank fuck it worked._ It did make him wonder about sharing his secrets with Alex, though. Would Maria be able to pluck those images out of his mind? 

Maria laughed. “Keep your secrets, Guerin.” She shuffled the cards again and set them aside, saving the entire thing to think about later. “I’m not as good at predicting things as my mom, but sometimes I can predict dice rolls.” 

“Ah, that’s why you brought them.” Michael watched her shake the colorful cubes for a second. “Can you tell if someone else is using a psychic power? Like when your mom did my fortune, could you tell?”

Maria shook her head. “I don’t notice when Mom uses her gifts, but she’s the only other psychic person I know, so it could be that I just don’t notice her.”

“Huh.”

“To make solid shields like that, you either have to have the concentration skills of a Buddhist monk or have a touch of power yourself.”

“I’m good at concentrating.” _Not a lie._

Maria shook the dice. _That was not the whole truth Mr. Guerin._ “I’m going to get a six and a two.” She threw them. “Yep, six and two.”

“Here, let me throw them,” Michael suggested, mischief on his mind, but not sure if he should take the risk. “What’s your prediction?”

She watched him shake the dice, eyes a little unfocused. “Three and three.”

Michael threw the dice. He was very tempted to manipulate the dice, but restrained himself. “Three and three.”

Alex laughed. “Here, let me roll them.” He took the dice from Michael and shook them. “Prediction?”

“One and five.” Maria watched the dice roll. “One and five.”

“Okay, let me try again.” Michael picked up the dice and shook them. This time he concentrated on that little trickle of power he felt coming from Maria. 

“Two and four.”

He threw the dice. He didn’t exert any psychic force on them. “Nope, six and three.”

“How did you do that?”

Michael laughed. “I didn’t do anything!” _Why does she think I did something?_ He wondered if she could tell something was weird. He locked down his powers, just in case.

“One more time,” she demanded.

This time Michael caught the exact moment that she exerted her gift to predict the roll of the dice. He couldn’t see the power, but he could feel it. _I wonder if I can block her powers?_ Obviously, not a good idea right now, but it would be interesting to see if he could keep her predictions from working. _Probably not. Seems like a very personal power. Unless...she was trying to predict a future for me? Then I could block her from catching my thoughts._ Food for thought. “Okay, what’s your prediction?”

“Five and four.” They landed on two and three. 

Maria looked supremely suspicious, but (for a change) Michael was completely innocent. He had a vague idea about doing an experiment, though. She already wondered if he had abilities, so if he used the barest minimum of psychic energy on something, and watched to see if she noticed, he’d have an idea. _Maybe in various states of attention?_ The scientist in him couldn’t let it go. After all, she hadn’t noticed when he’d kept all of her shit from falling off the dolly on move-in day. 

“It’s not like you’re ever 100% right, Maria,” Alex laughed, shoving her gently. “Maybe Michael interferes with your gifts.” 

“Maybe,” she said with attitude, implying that he was doing so intentionally. 

“Sorry, don’t take me gambling, I’ll throw off your mojo.” 

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Cookies?”

Alex sat there with cookies and soda (from their fridge), just thrilled that Maria, one of his oldest friends, who was so very different than other people, was whole-heartedly accepted by Michael, psychic abilities and all. Michael believed her. He clearly had some reservations, but he had secrets. Alex knew that feeling. Maria didn’t know all of _his_ secrets, and he’d shared a lot with her over the years. 

They ate snacks and played a couple rounds of Hearts before Alex’s and Maria’s phones both chimed. They looked at each other and both yelled, “Liz!” at the same time. The message was just ‘O Dios mio’ and then an entire line of angry faces.

“Should we just call her?” Alex suggested. 

“Let’s text her first to see if she can talk.”

_Alex: Liz omg i thought u were dead_

_ Alex: Can we call_

_ Maria: You’re okay, right? Can you talk right now?_

_ Liz: I’ll call Maria in 5._

_ Alex: K were together rn _

_ Maria: *We’re_

“Well, she just sounds annoyed, not grievously injured,” Alex commented, ignoring Maria’s text correction. “You’re going to get to meet Liz by phone, Michael. There’s no way you could _not_ like her.”

“Where’s she going to school?”

“Denver. She’s going for biomedical something. Science is her _life.”_

“I’m glad wearing the alien waitress uniform isn’t a long-term career goal for her.”

Maria laughed. “Did Alex show you pics?”

“He did, I feel bad for Liz and the other girl in the pictures.”

“That’s Rosa,” Alex explained. “Her older sister.”

“But like, less than a year older,” Maria clarified. “She just happened to graduate the year before we did.”

Maria’s phone rang, and she answered it quickly. _ “LIZ,_ you’re on speaker _what the fuck happened?”_

There was a long string of complaining in Spanish. Michael’s Spanish was actually very good, but she was talking so fast, and there was so much noise, that he was only catching like every fourth word and it was all swearing. 

“You will not believe this,” Liz started, pausing while wind was clearly blowing across the phone. “I lost my phone somewhere in Idaho! It was so frustrating! I wasted an entire _day_ backtracking and could not find it. I had to call my dad from the nasty hotel phone after I asked the clerk to find the number to the Crashdown online! _I don’t know anyone’s phone number!”_

Alex and Maria both laughed. “By the way, Liz, my roommate Michael is here.”

“Hi, Michael!”

“Hi, Liz,” Michael laughed. 

“Anyway, I had to wait until I got to a town big enough to go to a Walmart and get a cheap throwaway phone, but I didn’t have any money, so I got one that had like 200 minutes with no texts and no data just so I wouldn’t die.”

“That’s good.”

“And I couldn’t call anyone, since I didn’t have anyone’s number! But someone did find my phone, and he called my dad from my contacts, and mailed him my phone, but then we had to wait until I got to Denver to get a post office box from the university so he could mail it to me. I got it this morning.”

“I guess this is the one time I’m glad you don’t have a password on your phone,” Alex commented.

“Me too, I knew there was a reason.”

“But you’re safe now?” Maria asked.

“Yah, and I’ve been getting the photos off my camera. I took so many good pics! Alex, we _have_ to go to San Francisco.”

Alex laughed. “Isn’t that a little cliche?” 

“No, San Francisco is _so cool!_ There were boys holding hands everywhere, it was so sweet. Wait, should I have said that?”

They all laughed. “Michael knows I’m gay.”

“Oh good, I totally wasn’t thinking.” She paused when more wind blew. “I’m walking back to my dorm now, I went to the bodega for a Coke.”

“Did you meet your roommate?” Maria asked. “Mine is a trip. Guerin, so far, seems to be decent.”

“Thanks, DeLuca.”

“She hasn’t moved in yet. Our room is pretty big compared to what I was imagining, but I’m jealous of your private bathrooms. And Michael, you’re in luck, Alex will bleach your entire bathroom once a week.”

“I’m already behind on it,” Alex complained, laughing. “I keep forgetting to get cleaning supplies. But now that our suitemates have moved in, cleaning will be required.” 

Michael and Maria were both laughing. “Alex did tell me he was a neat freak.”

“No, it’s specifically the bathroom.”

“When you grow up in a house of all men the bathroom is disgusting,” Alex complained. “I learned how to aim into the toilet at a very young age, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with my brothers! The toilet is also cleanable! You can wipe it right off!” He paused while everyone laughed. “I cannot handle a filthy bathroom. I have no idea what Dad’s bathroom looked like, but when I left, mine was spotless.”

“Men think women are gross, but we don’t ever pee on the floor!” 

Michael was cracking up. “I can also clean the bathroom, I’m capable.”

“No one lives up to Alex’s standards, don’t try.”

“Anyway, my battery is already about to die, I only charged it like an hour so I could call you.”

“It’s okay, go.” Maria waved her hands at the phone. “Start putting the pictures on Facebook!”

“It’s on the top of the list. I love you guys! I’ll text you soon!”

“I’m so glad she’s okay.” Maria poked Alex in the arm. “You were right, she lost her phone. I thought I was the psychic one.”

Alex stretched out on the floor to ease the discomfort of his aching ribs. “I just lose things; it’s experience, not paranormal abilities.” He rolled his eyes when Michael and Maria laughed. “Remember my calculus book?”

“Missing for a month, and it was in the back of Liz’s car underneath an old hoodie that she thought she’d thrown away and covered with so much sand that I didn’t think they’d let you graduate without paying for a new one.” Maria shook her head. “And then there’s how you always had a hidden spare key to your house.”

“Hey,” Alex defended, pointing a finger at her. “That spare key was put there by Flint, and has been used by everyone except Dad. Keys get lost when alcohol gets involved.”

Michael was pretty shocked by that. “Tsk tsk. Underage drinking.”

“Oh, not us,” Alex explained, indicating Maria and himself. “Flint and Chris were big partiers.”

“Not that we haven’t indulged,” Maria countered, raising an eyebrow. “My mom owns a bar.”

“Yah, but that was only when we knew we were staying at home the entire night, and it’s not like we were getting shitfaced.” 

“True.”

“I typically lost my keys by leaving them in my locker, or at Maria’s, or at Liz’s. Evan got caught sneaking in with the spare key because it was behind a cactus and he fell on it. He wasn’t even drunk, he was just stupid.”

“Evan wore shorts like every day, no matter how cold it was,” Maria told Michael. “His legs looked like a massacre had happened.”

“I’m still sitting over here floored that you two were drinking.”

Maria and Alex shared a look of confusion. “What else is there to do in a small town?” Maria asked. “I think everyone at Roswell High was drinking.”

“Wyatt Long came to school drunk, what, three times?”

“We weren’t drunk all the time, or anything,” Alex hurried to tell him. “I swear.”

Michael was somewhere between concerned and impressed. “I so had sweet little Alex pegged for a goodie two shoes.”

“He isn’t _nearly_ as sweet _or_ innocent as he seems.”

“Hey, I _am_ sweet and innocent.”

Laughing, Michael ticked off ways Alex was neither sweet nor innocent. “Well, there’s the underage drinking,” he started. “Then there’s the makeup and piercings. And your language.”

Alex and Maria were both laughing. “I can show you how to put on eyeliner if you want to be less sweet and innocent,” Alex offered. “But don’t for a minute think that _Maria_ is sweet or innocent.”

“Sweet as sugar, thank you very much.” Maria gave them both a sassy look. “Innocent is overrated.”

“Well, I am neither sweet nor innocent, and I have been known to get shitfaced.” 

“Don’t worry, Guerin, I hadn’t even suspected that you were innocent.”

“I don’t know, Michael, I think you have hidden depths of sweet.” Alex gave him a soft smile.

And Michael got caught up smiling back. _Sweet for you._

Maria’s phone chimed and startled them before they could get well and truly lost in each other’s eyes. She noticed and filed it. “Zoey’s back, and she’s grabbing our suitemates and heading to the dining hall. Wanna come?”

Michael and Alex shrugged at each other. “Sure.” 

Angelina and Katie were soccer players, they’d met them at IHOP, and both were extremely energetic. Alex thought it was hilarious that two jocks were next door to theatre and dance majors. They made an odd group heading over to the dining hall, and he supposed that was the great thing about getting out of Roswell and going to college. _I mean, it’s been over a week since anyone called me a fag._

They met Dean and Seamus in the dining hall, and the group took over a long table. The food was okay, but Maria and Zoey expressed that they understood how the ‘freshman 15’ could be a thing. Maria broke out the cards and did her stuff, and Michael watched as the other kids were impressed but unconcerned. He paid attention; she was intentionally not using her gifts on some people so that she’d get some wrong. She was also being more flirty and sassy with the crew. He could see why immediately, of course. She didn’t want to be intimidating or weird to them, just quirky and fun. _She gets it,_ he realized. Maria had spent her entire life being ‘other’ because she was black, and wanted to use her powers and show off her uniqueness without being ‘other’ now that she was in a group with other African American people, like Dean and Angelina. He assumed Alex was hoping for the same thing, not being ‘other’ for being gay. And it was really fucking depressing. _I will always be ‘other.’ And there’s no group I can join or people I can talk to._ Michael was uniquely alone in the world.

And he always would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week might be crazy, so the next chapter might be a little late. Also, I'm participating in the Nebulous Well Adjusted Future Weekend on Tumblr, so I'm working on that, too. It's in this universe and is 100000000% fluff. I can't wait to share it with you guys! I think it's 12/13-12/15? I'll post it during that weekend for sure.


	10. Calm Before the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little late, sorry guys! I'm STILL unpacking, and dedicated a lot of time today to getting my house usable.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49120462686/in/dateposted-public/)

The first day of classes was actually a Tuesday because of Labor Day. Both Michael and Alex had 7:30 classes, which made neither of them happy. Michael was off to physics, Alex to college algebra. He’d tracked down a used calculator on eBay for $80, and they’d split the cost. Michael had rolled out of bed and gotten dressed before grabbing PopTarts and hiding a Dr Pepper in his backpack. Surprisingly, Alex had gotten up before him, taken a shower, styled his hair, put on eyeliner and jewelry, and dressed like the emo he truly was. It was funny to Michael, after seeing him gradually relax into wearing casual stuff around the room to see him put so much effort into his appearance. He had to admit, though, eyeliner really did something for Alex. It was a good look. But he had to express his shock.

“I really can’t believe that you, Mr. I Stay Asleep Until Noon, got up at 6:00 to look like you’re ready to walk the pop punk runway.”

“It’s armor,” Alex admitted. “Being in public is a battlefield. I get to choose how they see me. A good offense is the best defense.” 

_That’s something we have in common, I guess, but I’m trying to fly under the radar instead of shoving my not-normal in people’s faces._ “I have to say, you look pretty fantastic.”

Alex blushed, happy to get a compliment from Michael. “Thank you.”

“Think you’re going to pull this off every day?”

“Well, I managed to most days in high school, but we’ll see when the sleep deprivation sets in.”

Math and physics were in different buildings, so they parted ways. “See you in music appreciation,” Michael called with a wave.

“See you then.”

Michael had no idea what to expect from the first day of physics for engineering. He found the classroom easily, and was about 15 minutes early. The door was still locked, but several students had congregated in the hall. He looked around, and felt like he could be completely inconspicuous in this crowd. It was all guys in jeans and t-shirts with semi-messy hair. He pulled out his phone. 

_Michael: Everyone here is a guy in jeans and a tshirt._

_ Michael: It’s novel to fit in._

_ Alex: Theres a goth girl in my class_

_ Alex: We silently agreed to sit together_

_ Alex: There are 3 jocks who look like dicks_

_ Michael: Luckily you only have to see them for 3 hours a week._

_ Alex: Thats true 😁 _

_ Alex: A skater just walked up_

_ Alex: With his board_

_ Alex: I hadnt thought about skating to class_

_ Alex: He joined me n goth girl_

_ Michael: Two girls just came to the sausage party._

_ Alex: Lol_

_ Alex: Ok prof is here_

_ Michael: Mine’s about to be late. On the first day._

_ Alex: 😂 _

It was 7:36 when Michael’s professor finally showed up. Or rather, grad student. Michael was unimpressed with the dude’s lack of enthusiasm for teaching. It took him an absurd amount of time to get the door unlocked. When they finally got in the room, Michael headed straight for the row by the windows. It was a big room, but there were at least 60 people in the class, and the windows were keeping it from feeling too stuffy. The two girls that he’d seen before sat together in front of him, but he spotted three more at the front of the room. _Good. Not all guys. _

It took a while for the ‘teacher’ to get his computer set up to the projector. He wasn’t tech challenged, just slow. Michael wondered if he’d gotten enough sleep or if maybe he’d smoked his breakfast. 

“Okay, hi, I’m Chris Robins, please don’t call me Mr. Robins, I’m just Chris. Did you all log onto Blackboard and see the syllabus?” 

Michael raised his hand, and saw that just under half the class had actually looked at the syllabus.

“Doesn’t matter, because I’m going to pass out a paper copy, go over it, have you sign it, and give it back to me.” 

_Well that’s pointless._ Michael watched as ‘Just Chris’ separated the paper into chunks and passed them down the rows. Michael smiled at the girl who passed the stack to him, but not a flirty smile. She smiled back, not a flirty smile. _Good._

When everyone had a syllabus, Just Chris started going over it. “Okay, as you can see the only exams are the midterm and final. Those are 80% of your grade. You’ll have an assignment on Blackboard every week for 20%. I’ll assign it Tuesday after class and it will be due by Sunday at midnight. No projects, no group work. Whether you do the reading or not is up to you, but you’ll do better on everything if you do it. The reading for the week is on the syllabus. If there’s an article I’ll post a link to it. Please don’t waste the paper on printing them and highlighting the important parts, there’s a study guide under the ‘class resources’ tab and you can just fill in that info in as you read. This class isn’t easy but it’s really hard to fail.”

Michael couldn’t imagine how it would be possible to fail if there was a fucking study guide he just had to fill out from the reading and one homework assignment a week. He’d already aced physics in high school, and wasn’t exactly dumb. _Are all freshman classes this easy?_

“Okay, print, sign, and date at the bottom in actual ink, not pencil, and pass it forward. You’re now aware of the policies of this class and I’m holding you to it.” Once Just Chris had all the syllabi, he looked around. “Okay, your homework tonight will be on Blackboard, but it’s to buy, rent, or steal the book and do the diagnostic test I’ll assign. It will give you a score at the end, it’s a credit/no credit so it doesn’t matter how bad you do. If you get less than 50%, though, email me to set up office hours.” He drummed his fingers on the podium. “Oh, attendance, I don’t have an attendance policy. If you only want to show up for the exams, it’s your choice but you won’t do as well. You do have to pass this class with a C to take more engineering courses, keep that in mind.” He drummed some more. “Office hours. I’ll always be in my office Monday and Wednesday from 1-3, and I’m always here on Friday mornings, you just have to email me to set up a time so I’m not in the lab. Email is absolutely the best way to find me, I never check my office phone and I don’t give my cell phone to students. If I’m going to cancel class I’ll send an email through Blackboard the night before. If the weather is going to be bad, I’ll record the lecture and upload the video to Blackboard and send you an email so you don’t have to show up. As you can probably tell,” he smirked, “I’m punctuality challenged, but if I’m more than 15 or 20 minutes late, feel free to leave. My lecture notes will be up the night before class whether the actual class happens or not. Please don’t print my lecture notes, don’t waste the paper, you can put the info from them directly into the study guide. Other than the syllabus and your own notes, this class should be paper-free. You _will_ need scratch paper, but you can take your lecture notes on a laptop, I don’t care.” Just Chris looked at the ceiling like he was thinking. “I don’t teach your lab sections, but if you’re in the Friday 12:30 lab, I’ll be around and probably end up in there if you have questions. The lab instructors are still up in the air right now. Anyway, that’s all I got for day one. Go get your books, I’m going to go get coffee. Class dismissed.” 

Michael looked at his phone. It was 8:03. Class had been less than 30 minutes and they’d gone over absolutely nothing content-related. _I hope this class gets better, I actually did decide on college so I could put more information in my brain._

“Hey, um, hi.” 

Michael looked up from his phone to see the two girls that had been sitting in front of him. Both looked extremely nervous and awkward, and he felt bad for them. “Hi.”

“I’m Krista,” the brunette introduced herself, “and this is Jenny.” She indicated the Native American girl next to her. “Do you want to go get coffee?”

“Hi, Michael,” he answered smiling. “Sure, I can do coffee. I wasn’t expecting the first day of class to be half an hour.”

Jenny laughed. “Yah, same. I hope all my classes aren’t this lame.”

“I was kind of looking forward to class,” Krista agreed. “I mean, you don’t decide to major in engineering if you’re looking for easy As and lazy teachers.”

“So we’re all on the same page, here.” Michael slid his phone into his pocket. “Isn’t there a coffee cart on the other side of the building?”

Krista nodded. “It’s a little more expensive than Starbucks, but it’s a lot closer.”

Michael ordered a plain coffee and added milk and sugar, but Krista got something mocha and Jenny got something tea related. “Okay, I’m new to coffee, explain your drinks.”

“Oh,” Jenny laughed. “It’s a chai tea latte. It’s spiced tea powder and steamed milk. It tastes a lot like cinnamon.”

“Mine’s basically coffee hot chocolate,” Krista explained. “But stronger.”

“My roommate recently introduced me to Frappuccinos, I feel like I’ve been living in the dark ages.”

“I don’t feel like you can have a Frap for breakfast, though.” Jenny made a vague motion. “It’s like a milkshake. You can’t have whipped cream for breakfast.”

“I disagree,” Krista countered. “Whipped cream is always appropriate. There is whipped cream in this cup right now.”

“I had to sneak the Dr Pepper into my backpack so that Alex wouldn’t know I was having soda and PopTarts for breakfast, I’m pretty sure he’d have strong words if I had a Frap for breakfast.”

“That’s your roommate?”

“Yah, he likes to be slightly more healthy than having soda and PopTarts for a meal. And I’m not sure we could communicate if we weren’t giving each other shit about something.”

“Have you known each other for a while?” Krista asked.

Michael shook his head. “No, we just really hit it off. We’re completely different but still so much alike it’s kinda weird.”

“I live at home,” Krista commented. “I don’t have to share my room, but I also don’t get the real college experience.”

“You don’t get the student loan debt, either,” Jenny pointed out. “My roommate seems okay, but she’s super quiet and seems really homesick.”

“I grew up in Albuquerque, but I have a scholarship that covers room and board, so I decided to live on campus.” _Sort of true._ “I’m glad, though, Alex is already my best friend.”

“Both of my brothers are engineering majors,” Jenny explained. “They have an apartment, but even if freshmen didn’t have to live on campus, there’s no way I’d live with them. Men are disgusting.” She seemed to remember who she was talking to. “No offense.”

Michael laughed. “None taken. The stereotype that single young guys can’t take care of themselves and are disgusting came from somewhere.” He sipped his coffee, it was finally cool enough to drink. “Alex and I both prefer things to be clean, so we’re trying to skew the ‘gross boys’ data to the left.”

Both girls laughed. “There’s hope for the male of the species yet,” Krista declared.

“What do you do for fun?” Jenny asked. “Other than get coffee with girls you’ve never met.”

“Well, I play guitar, but I don’t have one right now, so I rely on the kindness of my roommate.” Michael could have kicked himself. One of the other stereotypes out there was that chicks dig a guy who plays guitar. 

“Oh, that’s cool!” Krista enthused. “I played clarinet but that just doesn’t have the cool factor that guitar has.”

“Not a lot of famous clarinet players on iTunes.”

“What about you guys? Other than clarinet.”

“I do beadwork and embroidery,” Jenny answered. “And I run a blog.”

“Okay, blogging I haven’t ventured into. I recently learned that Twitter existed.”

“I also have a blog, but I never post on it,” Krista added. “I just follow accounts that post nature photos and animal memes.”

“Alex had to show me what a meme was.” Michael shook his head. “I didn’t get a phone until last week.”

“You’ve been deprived.” Krista shuddered.

“I don’t really think so,” Michael laughed. “I’m majoring in mechanical engineering because I do things with my hands. I rebuilt my truck’s engine last summer, entirely from salvaged parts.”

“Okay, that trumps social media, Krista.” 

“I hadn’t considered that as an option, I stand corrected.”

Michael switched hands on his coffee to pull his phone out of his pocket when it buzzed.

_Alex: We got a break after the syllabus_

_ Alex: There is so much homework for this class_

_ Alex: Im glad Im good at math_

_ Michael: The ‘professor’ was late and let us go after less than 30 minutes._

_ Michael: I’m having coffee with other pissed students ☕ _

_ Alex: For a ge class that wld be ok but not for engineering_

_ Alex: I know its an intro but still_

“My roommate is also outraged that a class in our major would let us out with no content. He’s in college algebra right now.”

“Oh, is he engineering too?”

Michael nodded. “Computers.” 

_Michael: I was disappointed._

_ Alex: Ya rly_

_ Alex: Back to work 😊 _

Michael had to resist sending back the ‘blowing a kiss’ emoji. _Man, I really have it bad for him._ “What classes do you have next?”

“I can’t remember, where’s my schedule.” Jenny handed her coffee to Michael so she could open her backpack. She pulled out a wrinkled sheet of paper. “Looks like world history with Masters.” 

“What are the odds? Alex is in that class, and his best friend Maria.”

“What does he look like?” Jenny’s face went from surprised to humorously calculating. “Is he cute?”

“He is, but he’s also gay.” _And mine._

“Damn it.”

“I have art appreciation.” Jenny and Michael both laughed at her utter lack of enthusiasm. “Fine arts requirements.”

“What labs do you guys have?” Jenny asked.

“Friday 12:30,” Michael answered.

“Me too!”

“Me three,” Krista added. “We can be our own lab group. If we’re pissed about getting let out of class early, we’re probably all the kind of people who pull their own weight in group work.”

“Works for me.”

They stood around talking until they needed to walk to their next classes. Michael had really enjoyed talking to both girls, they were smart and interesting. Jenny wanted to work in aerospace, too; Krista in agriculture. Both had funny stories about siblings that made Michael a little jealous, but they didn’t pry when he said he didn’t have any brothers or sisters. They all liked vintage stuff, from furniture to arts and crafts to musical instruments, and Krista actually had an antique clarinet on display in her room at home. Michael talked about his Goodwill find of the antique bookshelf, and both girls were impressed with the great deal. His favorite part was that they were just ordinary people treating him like an ordinary person. It was refreshing, and gave him hope for his college experience. Smiling, he headed off to piano class, wondering how the hell you could have an entire class of people learning piano at the same time.

***

“Alex!”

Alex looked up from his phone to see Maria waving and coming toward him. He gave her a loose hug. “You didn’t have a 7:30 class, right?”

“Do I look dumb?”

He laughed. “You look fabulous.” 

Maria posed, showing off her leopard and floral sundress and strappy sandals. Instead of the floral backpack he knew she had, she was carrying a ‘leather’ messenger bag. She’d straightened her hair and had a flower clipped above her left ear. “Had to have a ‘first day of classes’ look.” She looked Alex up and down. “Brendan Urie wants to date you today.”

“I wish.” He looked down at himself. He’d worn the soft grey-lavender shirt Michael had said was pretty with the sleeves rolled up and black jeans. He had a bunch of jewelry going, though, and had done eyeliner for the first time since he’d moved. “This isn’t even that emo, but Michael said I looked like I was pop punk runway ready this morning, too.”

“The jewelry and makeup really do it for the outfit.” She grabbed his left arm. “This leather bracelet is so fucking cool.” _And I need to file that compliment in the Michael loves Alex folder._

“Oh, thanks. It was really expensive, but I love it.”

“You kind of have a sophisticated emo thing going on today.”

“I thought my grey pinstripe vest would look cool with this shirt, but it’s too hot for another layer right now.”

“That would look very snazzy.”

As the previous class filed out, Alex and Maria gathered themselves to go find seats together. Alex didn’t really have a favorite subject, since he was pretty good at everything, but history was definitely at the bottom of the list. World history was better than American history, which was his least favorite class of all time. The room turned out to be a stadium-style lecture hall, and they immediately took seats in the back row. Not because they didn’t want to pay attention, but because they didn’t want anyone behind them looking down over their shoulders. Since history was usually both boring and easy, neither of them wanted to be noticed doing homework for other classes or using their phones. 

The room was completely full by the time the professor came in. He was a big guy, like, really big, and was visibly sweaty. Alex and Maria shared a glance, wondering how he could stand the New Mexico heat. Neither of them were negative about bodies or anything, and didn’t judge, but he looked miserable.

“Good morning, class.” 

Alex and Maria exchanged another glance. His voice was exceptionally melodious. 

“I’m Dr. Masters, and this is world history part one. I also teach part two in the spring if you’re interested in joining my class.”

“If he read audiobooks, he’d make a billion dollars,” Maria whispered. Alex agreed.

“This week and next week will be the only days I take attendance to see how many students have dropped and enrolled late. After that, since there are currently 97 students enrolled, I’m not going to be able to hold everyone accountable. If you don’t come to class, though, it will be difficult to pass the tests. Did everyone review the syllabus on Blackboard? No?” He laughed musically. “I’ll put it up, and we’ll go over it.”

Alex was relieved to see that the workload for this class was going to be less than math, because his teacher was _dumping_ homework on them. He already had algebra homework, in fact. There were two projects, one before midterms and one after; four quizzes; and the midterm and final. No weekly homework assignments. For the projects they could work in pairs or alone, and Alex and Maria exchanged a fist bump. Multimedia was highly encouraged, but the projects had to be submitted digitally. 

“Now then. Each unit will start with early history of an area and move up through the renaissance. Unlike classes you may have taken previously, we will be covering civilizations in Africa and the Americas, as well as the Islamic Empire. There will be no religious or cultural negativity in this room. If you have an objection to aspects of a culture we study, please keep it to yourself. Inappropriate commentary in the classroom or on Blackboard will earn you a warning; if you persist, you _will_ be dropped with an F.”

Maria looked delighted, and Alex could understand why. No one at Roswell High had ever considered African history worth studying. And dropping assholes? Excellent.

“I’m aware that many of you will not have had access to financial aid to purchase the book in order to read for this lecture. Today’s lecture notes are currently on Blackboard for you to review as you read. I recommend taking notes on paper. Studies have shown that you learn better if you’re writing than simply typing on a computer. That said, if you want to use your computers, you’re welcome to bring them. If you’d like to bring the book to highlight, that is also acceptable. I recommend also annotating in the margins or supplementing with a notebook for discussion questions. The book is for parts one and two, so don’t sell it back at the end of the semester. This year the publisher released a new edition of the book, but the differences are negligible, so if you have the previous edition from another student, that’s fine.”

Alex hadn’t decided yet if he should take notes on the computer or on paper, but the classes he had Tuesday/Thursday seemed to lend themselves to paper notes. He pulled a spiral notebook and a pen out of his backpack. He preferred to have a different notebook for every class, so he’d put three in his bag. Maria also pulled out a notebook and a pencil bag full of colorful pens. There were little desktops attached to the chairs that, thankfully, didn’t have gum stuck to them. 

Lecture was surprisingly interesting, even though the beginnings of civilization in Mesopotamia was something they’d learned about a dozen times over the course of their 12 years of school. Dr. Masters _clearly_ loved his subject, and his voice and manner of speaking made the lecture an unexpected pleasure. Thoughts of checking Twitter or Facebook during class were completely eliminated. Maria and Alex were both a little disappointed when class ended, because they really wanted to hear what came next. Secretly, Alex was happy that Dr. Masters was extremely unattractive, because a hot guy with that voice would be too distracting to possibly learn _anything._

“What class do you have next?” 

Alex looked up at Maria, who had stood while he was zipping up his backpack. “Music appreciation.” 

“With Michael?”

He nodded. “Then lunch. What do you have next?”

“I have a break, then dance classes all afternoon.”

“Are there types of dance you need to learn?” Alex asked as they walked out of the room.

“Yah, I don’t have a lot of formal experience with ballet, so I have to take a fundamentals class. I’ve mostly done lyrical/modern and hip hop. I haven’t done ballroom either.”

“Can you pick one to focus on?”

Maria nodded. “Yah, but we have to take all the basics first.”

“And you’re going to to do modern?”

“Yah, it’s my favorite. I like hip hop, too, though, and it’s more marketable.” 

They parted ways, since Maria was going to go back to the dorms. Alex tried to suppress a little thrill that he was going to get to have a class with Michael. _Like, right now._

When he got to the classroom, Michael was waiting for him. At least, Alex assumed it was for him. He smiled and waved, and Alex hurried over to him. “Hey.” _It’s pretty lame to greet him with ‘hey’ when I really want to hug him. And possibly kiss him. Definitely touch him in some way._

“Hey, dude.” He really wanted to hug Alex, but decided that would probably be weird. “How was college algebra?”

“Intense. The professor seems good, the review stuff we did today was presented well. It’s annoying that I have to take college algebra when I got a 98% in calculus and probably don’t need it. Fuck you, Roswell, for not having AP classes.”

“There’s probably some foundational crap you need. At least the class won’t totally kick your ass.”

“I hope my other classes aren’t too heavy on homework, I already have excessive homework for algebra.”

“We’ll be able to compare notes on algebra professors since we don’t have the same one.”

The music professor, a harried-looking older woman with greying brown hair styled in long loose curls, let them into the room about 15 minutes before class was supposed to start. It was a stuffy room with no windows, and Michael suggested they sit closer to the front, since they would probably be more interested in paying attention than the people trapped in there for fine arts credits. The class was full, and the room was uncomfortably warm. Alex pulled out another spiral notebook and his pen, and watched Michael do the same thing. 

“Alright, class, we’ll start in about five minutes, please find a seat. You will need to take some notes today, so if you have a computer, take some time to set it up now before we get started.” 

Alex watched the professor mess with the sound system for the room, and wondered if she needed help. It seemed rude to ask, but also rude not to ask.

“Do you think she needs help?” Michael asked. “She’s giving off major frustration vibes.” 

_Of course Michael is as good at checking body language as I am. _ “I wanted to offer, but it seems rude. And there’s the chance that we won’t know what to do and just annoy her.” Alex followed her with his eyes as she left the room. “I guess it’s out of our hands, she went for help.”

The class got restless waiting, but eventually the professor had her computer set up and the sound system was on. 

“Good morning, welcome to music appreciation, I’m Dr. Hogan. I’ve been teaching at UNM since 1995, and before that performed as a soprano with the Santa Fe Opera as well as traveling throughout the southwest. I have always, and continue to teach voice, so if you decide to change your major to music, I’d be happy to take you on as a student.

“This class is a broad overview of music theory and music history. If you’re a music minor, you’ll be taking a more in-depth music theory series as well as a semester of music history. If anyone is looking for an upper-level fine arts credit, music history is open to you as well. If you can read music or play an instrument you’ll have an advantage in here. Did anyone read the syllabus on Blackboard?” She waited while a few hands went up. “Of the 63 of you enrolled, 55 acknowledged that you’d read it and accepted the class policies. If you didn’t really read it and just clicked yes, you’re still responsible.” She pulled the syllabus up on her computer. “I’ll go over the class requirements for those of you who didn’t actually look at it. We’ll have a quiz after each section, a research paper, the midterm, and the final. Quizzes and tests are worth 70% of your grade, the paper is worth 30% of your grade. There will be opportunities to earn extra credit throughout the semester.”

Michael was kind of surprised that there was a paper worth 30% of the grade in an appreciation class. He hoped they could choose their own topics. If he had to do the history of Gregorian chant, he’d probably fall asleep typing.

“We’re going to start today with a little basic music theory to get you started. If you don’t know how music works, you can’t find a purpose to music you don’t like. Just like sometimes you can decide a movie is good even if you hated it, sometimes you can appreciate that music is well-written and complex, even if you think it’s terrible.”

Dr. Hogan loaded a PowerPoint for her lecture. “I put my lecture notes on Blackboard, but they’re bare-bones bullet points. If you want to get the information that applies to the bullets, you have to actually come to class. You _do_ have to pass this class with a C if you’re a music minor.”

The little taste of music theory they got during the lecture was enough to make Alex intensely interested. If he wanted to write music, this was information he needed. He exchanged a smile with Michael, who was clearly just as enthusiastic. _I can’t wait to take music theory._ Alex still didn’t plan to major in music, computer science was both more marketable and more challenging, but the chance to write music with Michael was a source of low, simmering excitement. 

“Alright, we only have about ten more minutes. Your first opportunity for extra credit is today. If you sing or play an instrument, make short video, and email it to me. Every video gets five points. I’ll pick two or three to show the class next Tuesday, those people get first choice of topics for the research paper.” Dr. Hogan pulled a stack of notecards out of her bag. “I’m going to pass these out. Please write three things on the card: your major, your favorite song, and what instrument you would play if you could magically play it perfectly tomorrow. That’s your exit ticket, I’ll collect them at the door.” 

Alex looked at his card, tapping his pen against his chin. Major, obviously, computer science and engineering. But favorite song? That was _hard._ He had different songs in different genres and time periods and a lot of time it depended on his mood. He finally decided on _God Only Knows_ by the Beach Boys. It was essential listening for the entire planet. Instrument? Piano. He glanced over at Michael’s card. “I got stuck on favorite song, too.”

“I don’t know, I mean, a lot of music is really meaningful, and a lot of songs are complex and musically interesting, but which one is my _favorite?_ I have no idea.” Michael clicked his pen two or three times before writing _God Only Knows_ by the Beach Boys, and piano for the instrument. 

“Seriously?”

Michael looked at Alex. “What?” 

Alex placed his card next to Michael’s on his desk but didn’t say anything.

“No, what the fuck?” Michael grinned. “We should practice it.”

Alex smiled, surprised. “We could, I’m sure one of us can figure it out on guitar.”

“And we already sing harmony. We should make a video for extra credit.”

“That sounds embarrassing. Let’s see how well we do learning it before we commit to that.”

It was brutally hot on their walk to the dining hall, and Alex was regretting his life choices. “Why don’t I just wear running shorts and flip flops? Why do I insist on wearing button up shirts and jeans?”

Michael laughed loudly. “You’re emo?”

“It’s easier to be emo in the winter.”

“Do you have running shorts?” Michael laughed.

“Oh, yeah, I do. For actual running.” _Think fast, why haven’t I gone running since I moved here?_ “I’ve been lazy as fuck. I haven’t gone running in weeks.”

_No, you’re hurt._ But there was no way Michael was going to call him on it. “Running has to be my least favorite form of exercise.”

“I figured you enjoyed yoga or Zumba more.”

“What the fuck is _Zumba?”_ Michael sputtered.

Alex laughed. “It’s dance aerobics.”

Michael was wheezing and had to stop walking. “Me? In dance aerobics? Or yoga? Can you see it?”

“Are you telling me your chakras aren’t aligned?” 

“Oh jesus christ.” 

“I actually have done yoga, with Liz and Maria. It’s surprisingly hard and you’re extremely sore the next day.”

“I’ve never tried it. Most of my exercise is lifting and moving heavy things.”

They resumed walking. “If you’re not working on cars, you’ll probably have to find some other way to work out, since dorm food is probably not the healthiest.”

“You don’t think being a sloth and living on junk food is a healthy lifestyle?”

“Probably not. And I saw you sneak a Dr Pepper into your backpack to have with those PopTarts.”

“I also had coffee with Krista and Jenny, so I’ve had a lot of sugar and caffeine today.”

Alex frowned. He hadn’t realized the other students Michael’d had coffee with had been girls. “Krista and Jenny?”

“Two of the girls in my physics class. We’ve decided to be our own lab group.”

“Oh.” _Think of something other than being scared and jealous._ “How many girls are in your class?”

“I only counted eight, and it’s a big class. Mechanical engineering isn’t a popular major with girls. It’s a shame, too, because girls come into it with a different perspective. Boys are kind of expected to build things and make things and fix things and just figure it out through trial and error. It’s manly not to ask for help or follow directions. Girls come into it thinking more analytically, really, and more likely to plan ahead and collaborate, just based on typical gender roles. I mean, it’s not always like that, but a lot of the time, getting a female perspective really helps in the process. Girls are just as good at taking things apart and putting things together as guys, and are usually better at visualizing in the process.”

Alex smiled at him as he held the door for him to go into the dining hall. “I’m sure the girls in your class will appreciate your feminist view of engineering.”

“I hope so. Krista and Jenny both seemed to appreciate that I didn’t talk down to them, dismiss them, or flirt with them.”

_Oh good, no flirting._ “I’ll be curious to see how many girls are in my computer science intro. There is no gender bias in the ability to write code. None. The only thing that keeps girls out of computer science is that they’re encouraged to go in other directions before they can develop an interest in it.”

“I think that’s a lot of science majors.”

“I distinctly remember our fifth grade teacher trying to talk Liz into going into nursing instead of medical research because it was ‘better for her’. Why is nursing better than biomedical research?”

“Because it’s something women do,” Michael answered, just as annoyed as Alex. “Why do women even put up with men?”

“No,” Alex disagreed, “Our teacher was a woman, Mrs. Molina. She just didn’t get why Liz would want to be in a ‘brains’ job instead of a ‘caring’ job, since she had ‘so much to give’ and was ‘such a pretty girl.’”

“Jesus fucking christ.” Michael looked over at Alex’s tray. “Are you seriously getting a salad?”

“It’s too hot for real food.” He laughed at Michael’s look of exasperation. “If it helps make it less healthy, I’m going to put ranch dressing on it.”

“Okay, but you absolutely cannot eat an apple or a banana with it.”

“I’ll even put cheese on the salad. But I’m going to eat cantaloupe.” 

Michael just rolled his eyes and went to get a cheeseburger.

As they were finishing, Alex asked Michael if he wanted to go buy their books. Michael wasn’t sure he was emotionally prepared for spending that kind of money, but they went over to the bookstore anyway. 

And it was packed.

“Are you sure we need books?” Michael asked, annoyed. “I hate crowded stores.”

“You and me both. But yes, we need books. Do we have the same book for algebra?” They compared book lists. “Yes, we can share it. We can share the music appreciation book, too.”

“I don’t know, what if we’re both just dying to do math homework at the same time?”

Alex put his hand over his heart. “You can _always_ use it first. _Always.”_

The music appreciation book was pretty inexpensive compared to Alex’s computer science books and the software he had to buy. English required two books that they decided to share, and Michael’s physics class had a textbook and a workbook. The history book was stupidly expensive, and since it was a new edition, there weren’t used ones available. 

“Do you want to pick out hoodies or shirts today?”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Fuck. No. There are a million people in here and it’s 500 degrees outside.”

Alex laughed. “We’ll come back after the book buying frenzie to look for hoodies. Maria would want to come with us anyway.”

Lugging their books back to the dorms sucked. Alex dumped his books on his desk and dropped his backpack on the floor before declaring it nap time.

“Don’t you have homework?”

“I’m not going to do it right now, I have time. Right now I’m going to faceplant into my bed and not move for at least two hours.”

_His obsession with sleeping is kinda cute._ “Fine, take a nap. I have to piss.”

As soon as Michael was in the bathroom, Alex quickly changed into a t-shirt and the previously-mentioned running shorts. He decided he needed to revisit the jewelry tray as his rings tried to roll away. He was trying to decide if it was worth the effort of washing off his make up or if he should just go to sleep and deal with looking even _more_ emo with smudged eyeliner when he woke up. Laziness won, and he tossed his phone on the bed and climbed in, snuggling into the blankets.

“You’re already in bed?”

“Your powers of observation are astounding.”

Michael laughed. “Fuck you.” He kicked off his shoes. “Okay, taking a nap does sound good.”

“I’m corrupting you.”

“You really are.” Michael tried taking off his jeans without looking provocative, and wasn’t sure he succeeded. 

Alex decided he could watch Michael take off his pants pretty much any time and enjoy it. He was disappointed when he didn’t take off his shirt.

“Are you going to set an alarm, Nap Boy?”

“Oh, is that my superhero name?”

“Seems appropriate.”

“I’ll set an alarm for 4pm. Am I going to save the world by encouraging naps?”

“You might be a supervillain, corrupting the hard-working people of America with your napping ways.”

“Nice,” Alex laughed, setting his alarm. “It’s already working, you’re taking a nap. All I had to do was get in bed and you were convinced.”

“You look so cozy.”

“I am. The air conditioning is nice and cold so I can cover up.”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “You like to sleep in cold air, but with a lot of blankets to stay warm?”

“That’s absolutely perfect, yes. The more blankets the better.”

“What makes more blankets better instead of one really thick blanket?”

Alex yawned. “The weight. The heaviness of the blankets is really comforting.”

“Huh. I hadn’t thought about that. I tend to run warm, but I do like covering up with blankets.”

Michael was awake for a while after Alex dropped off. He thought about how Alex liked cold air and warm blankets. _I hope he’s good with the fact that my body temperature is higher than a human’s._ A human body was usually at 98.6; when he took his temperature, it was closer to 107. Not for the first time, Michael wondered what an x-ray or MRI would show of his insides. He functioned like the average human, but wondered if he had all the same organs in the same places.

He was glad Alex was still facing him so he could look at his pretty face while he relaxed. He looked fucking hot in eyeliner. Michael hadn’t ever considered makeup on guys at all, let alone as a turn on, but just that little emphasis on Alex’s expressive eyes was somehow sexy. He had other makeup on the dresser, but hadn’t put it on. 

And then Michael had an awful epiphany. 

_That_ makeup, the stuff a person put on their face, was to cover up _bruises._ Alex had clear skin that didn’t really need to be hidden. He had makeup because his father had smacked him around and left _bruises on his face._ Michael hadn’t realized just how pissed he was until he noticed the things around him shaking, and he suppressed his rage. It was hard to keep his powers under control when he was livid. 

When Alex made a noise, Michael went still, afraid he’d noticed his lapse in control, but he just turned over. Every time he used his powers, the temptation to tell Alex grew. He believed in psychic abilities, and was totally chill with Maria, so he’d probably be okay, but would he be able to keep from telling people? Or, well, not people, just Maria. Maria used her gifts with other people in a way he didn’t ever want to. Her card tricks and fortune telling were a lot less likely to get someone trapped in a government research study than telekinesis that was concomitant with being a fucking alien species.

Michael also had the constant temptation to practice, to strengthen and refine his skills. If Alex knew, he’d probably think that was cool. And yah, he wanted to show off. Might as well admit it. No one had ever seen him use his powers and he _wanted_ the positive reaction he thought Alex would have. While he’d been living in his truck with no one around, he’d started experimenting with the ‘how’ of his abilities, analyzing what was happening when he moved things. He’d managed to isolate the force of it, and had started trying to make ‘force fields’ for lack of a better (and less sci-fi) term. It was essentially taking the power he would exert on an object, and making a barrier with it around the object instead of just pushing or pulling said object. Of course, Michael had also tried to see how big a rock he could lift, and how far away he could reach, and decided if it was outside his line of sight, it was too far away to risk it. Within the room, he didn’t have any trouble moving things around (when Alex was asleep or in the bathroom), because he had such a clear visual of the small space, even places he couldn’t see. 

Too much on his mind to sleep now, Michael leaned over the edge of the bed and brought his phone to his hand. He thumbed through his photos, looking at the selfies he’d taken with Alex, and the sneaky pictures he’d taken of him when he wasn’t looking, and felt his heart clench. _I’m falling in love with him. I want to tell him everything. It’s fucking stupid, I barely know him, but fuck, I’d give anything to kiss him. I don’t know what I’d do if we stopped talking, he’s the only person I’ve ever thought I could love._ This was _not_ just a crush. He’d had plenty of those. No, this was different. Michael _ached_ to touch Alex. _I don’t want to let him go. Ever. God I hope he feels the same. If not now, someday._ On impulse, he set the picture Alex had taken the morning Maria moved in as his home screen wallpaper. It was a really boyfriend thing to do. 

He smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Krista and Jenny are also characters from books, if you can guess them I'll be impressed! Such random names. They're from the same author but not the same book or series. We're getting close to catching up to where I'm currently writing, so posting will probably slow down. This coming week, I don't have work (Thanksgiving break heck ya) so I can get a lot of writing done, and then it's three weeks until winter break, when I'll have more time for writing. I usually write every day, but the situation of living with my family for months then moving into my own place has been exhausting and I'm still dealing with it. :/ Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the first day of classes, aka, me torturing all of you.
> 
> Chapter Title: Calm Before the Storm - Fall Out Boy 
> 
> Also in the chapter: God Only Knows - The Beach Boys


	11. Everybody Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a little earlier in the day! Enjoy!

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49154303546/in/dateposted-public/)

“9am class, so much better,” Alex declared as they walked out of the room Wednesday morning. 

Michael laughed. “Even I have to admit that 7:30 is pretty brutal.”

They waited a few minutes for Maria in the lobby before she appeared, dressed for the heat in short shorts and a jungle-green tank top with a backpack instead of a messenger bag. Alex had opted for a plain grey v-neck tee and blue jeans with Vans. Michael was in jeans and a t-shirt...which was really the entirety of his wardrobe.

“You did blue eyeliner today,” Maria commented. “I love it when you do colored eyeliner, it’s different yet still emo.”

Alex laughed a little, kind of embarrassed. “Thanks?” He wasn’t sure why Maria drawing attention to his makeup embarrassed him, when the point of the eyeliner was to draw attention to his eyes and social group status.

“I like the blue, too,” Michael agreed. “I didn’t know eyeliner came in colors other than black until now.”

“Maria has an impressive eyeliner collection, but sharing makeup is a no-no, so I bought my own.”

“I have so much makeup.”

“Why can’t you share?”

“Bacteria.”

“Plenty of people share but Alex gets grossed out by germs.”

“And I also don’t want pink eye. And the oils and bacteria from your face get transferred onto the unused makeup from your sponge or brush, and there’s no way to avoid getting tears on your eyeliner.” 

“Yah, yah.”

The English classroom was a large lecture hall, and they took seats near the back so that when they inevitably talked to each other they wouldn’t bother everyone else. It was taught by a professor, Dr. Dishman, and two TAs, both of whom looked like they regretted their career goals this morning. The class was entirely freshmen, so Alex could understand why. They were probably studying the history of the English language or something, and 2/3 of the people in the room probably couldn’t write a coherent sentence. 

“Did you see a syllabus on Blackboard?” Maria asked. “I wanted to see how many papers we’d have to write, but I don’t think she posted one.”

“We looked, too,” Michael replied. “We already have a paper for music appreciation, so wanted to check.”

Dr. Dishman started class by banging a heavy object against the podium to get everyone’s attention. It was so unexpected that the entire room fell silent.

“Good morning, welcome to freshman English, I’m Dr. Dishman. I’ll get right down to it, Blackboard is an abomination and the person who created it, probably a man, should be launched into space with a giant slingshot to find a different planet to annoy. Your syllabus will be up sometime today if I don’t smash my computer with a hammer out of sheer frustration.”

Alex couldn’t help but laugh, and shared an amused glance with Michael and Maria, who were on either side of him. 

“This class is going to cover the basics of grammar and syntax, writing conventions, and types of narrative and expository writing. Anyone in science or social science majors, you’ll also have to take technical writing with my arch nemesis, Dr. Ramirez. If creative writing makes you want to vomit, but you’re not a total failure with the English language, his class might be for you. Of course, you’ll have to unlearn everything you’ve learned in here to be successful, so I hope you hate him as much as I do.” 

Michael, Alex, and Maria shared comically concerned looks with each other.

“You can’t pass this class without buying the books, so don’t try. I also want you to pick up a copy of _The Elements of Style_ by Strunk and White, but our bookstore thinks they can’t make enough money on a book that cheap so they won’t stock it. Buy it on Amazon.”

Alex jotted the name of the book in the margin of his notebook. They could all share it. He wondered just how cheap it was if the bookstore refused to carry it.

“Now, here is the syllabus.” 

Alex looked at the screen. There was going to be a fair amount of work. But manageable.

“Okay, we’ll have a test over the grammar, syntax, writing conventions, and that crap 14 days from today. You have two weeks to get your heads out of your asses and remember how English works. 100% of this you should have learned before you graduated from high school and I don’t think I should even have to teach it. Unit two literary response. That will have three short essays, no test. Unit three is poetry. One test on forms and history, one analysis, one original poem. Unit four is expository writing. That will be three short essays in response to nonfiction texts. If you’re satisfied with the sum of your papers grade, you can post that sum as your final exam grade and not take a test. If you’re not satisfied, you have the option of writing a paper on a topic of my choosing that should require you to use everything you’ve learned or a written exam. If you take that option, that will be figured into your final grade, you can’t change your mind and decide you liked your first grade better.

“I recommend you take my spring semester class since you can use the writing and notes you’ll do in here in that one. Part two of this course has more writing but it’s a hell of a lot less boring than this one.

“You can use a computer in here, but if you’re using it to play games or something, don’t waste your own time, I don’t take attendance, and if you’re not learning, why bother walking over here in this heat? Or in the freezing weather? Just stay your ass at home and play your damned game there.”

Michael was extremely amused, he liked this woman. She was fucking blunt. Alex and Maria looked just as amused as he felt.

“Okay, I know you were all hoping I’d let you go after the syllabus, but you’re about to learn that adulthood is all about disappointment. Tess and Marisela are going to pass out a diagnostic test. I wanted to put this on Blackboard, but we all know how great _that_ is.” 

Michael, Maria, and Alex waited for the tests to pass back to them. It was several pages, but all multiple-choice.

“This should take you 15 minutes or less. After you turn it in, you can leave. If class ends before you finish, turn it in and make an appointment for tutoring somewhere.” 

Michael knew he was smart, and had significantly above-average retention of information, but was thrown right away by what a ‘gerund’ was. He felt like he was scraping the bottom of his mental barrel when he picked, “a noun formed from the present progressive tense of a verb.” Choosing which of the sentences contained a subordinating clause was another challenge. He tried to remember what a clause even was. Punctuation he was solid on. Or so he thought until he had to decide where to put the commas in a compound-complex sentence. And semicolons? Did you need one with ‘however’ in the sentence?

Alex knew his stuff, but damn, this was _hard. I guess this is why she has to do a review every semester. Fuck. What the hell is a comma splice? I can’t remember if you single or double space in MLA format, I don’t think Mrs. Solorio cared. _

Maria was pretty sure this was a waste of time since she couldn’t remember any of it, and just hoped it wasn’t graded. 

They all turned it in at the same time, and walked out of the room, relatively dejected. These were three people who were smart, knew they were smart, and couldn’t believe they’d already bombed the first test of their college careers. Michael decided his physics diagnostic didn’t count since it wasn’t graded and he’d gotten 100%. 

The morning sun was blinding, and they put on their sunglasses in unison, not realizing that they looked like the beginning of a teen movie. There was still time before 10am classes started, but they were all going in different directions, so they tried to find shade near the building to commisserate about how fucking dumb they felt.

Alex pulled out his phone and opened Chrome. “Okay, an independent clause has a subject and a verb and is a complete idea.” More searching. “MLA is double spaced.”

“What’s a gerund?”

“Oh, I know that one, it’s a noun that’s the -ing form of the verb. So like, ‘I went swimming,’ the verb is ‘went’ and ‘swimming’ is the object, making it a noun. ‘Swimming’ is a thing in this case instead of something you do.” 

“Okay, so I got that one right.” Micheal rolled his eyes. “What’s a subordinating clause?”

Alex searched again. “It’s a phrase that can’t stand alone as a sentence. It has to be with an independent clause.”

“I really don’t think Mrs. Solorio taught us all of that,” Maria groused. “Aren’t there, like, education standards that all the schools have to meet? Shouldn’t we have had the same English classes as the rest of New Mexico?”

“I think I had seven different English teachers in high school, so I don’t know if I just missed shit moving around or Dr. Dishman is deluded about what you learn in high school English.”

Maria had a dance class next and wanted to get a head start on the walk, but Alex had a break until 11:00 so he walked with Michael to his college algebra class. Michael was pretty fucking thrilled with that, seeing as how Alex decided to spend his free time with _him_ instead of Maria. They talked about basically nothing, happy just to be together. Before he had to go into algebra, Michael couldn’t resist touching Alex; it got harder to resist touching him every day. He squeezed his upper arm, almost to his shoulder, not sure what that spot was supposed to convey beyond ‘I really want to touch you but don’t want to make it weird because we’re not dating.’ Alex smiled at him like he’d just given him a puppy, and covered his hand briefly. They agreed to meet back at the room before going to the dining hall for lunch. It was very innocent, but not _quite_ a ‘just friends’ exchange. 

Michael forced himself to focus during college algebra, knowing that Alex’s class was especially brutal. The homework load was pretty heavy, there were unit tests as well as the midterm and final, and quizzes every Friday. _What is it with math teachers here? Are they all sadistic?_ Michael was a gifted student in most areas, but especially in math. That meant he’d probably understand what he was learning, but it didn’t mean that his homework would necessarily get done faster. Every time he considered a PhD, he thought about how many more years of homework he’d have and was filled with dread.

Alex decided to check out the main library during his break before computer science. There was a section on the second floor where food was allowed, and a space with big, comfy chairs that were currently occupied by sleeping students. There were study rooms on most of the floors, and you didn’t have to sign up to use them. There were tables and single chairs scattered throughout the building for studying. _If I’m too distracted by how hot Michael is, I can come do homework here,_ Alex laughed to himself. He sat down in one of the lone chairs next to a window (with a convenient outlet), and thought about Michael. The other boy was seldom far from his thoughts, but after that little shoulder squeeze before they parted ways, Alex was more focused on him than usual. _I think I’m falling in love with him,_ he thought to himself. It was terrifying and wonderful at the same time. _I think that if things keep progressing at this pace, by the time my bruise is gone, we’ll have nothing keeping us apart. I’m already so attached to him. I want to just tell him about Dad._ At this point, he knew Michael suspected that he’d been abused by his father, he’d dropped too many hints for him _not_ to get that. He just didn’t want Michael to freak out about the broken bones. _I don’t think Michael will think I’m weak, I don’t think he’ll pity me, but I just don’t want him to see the evidence of how much my own father hates me._ It was a horrible pain, to know that the one person in the world that was supposed to love and protect him despised him to the point that he’d intentionally break his bones just to show his hate. Somehow it seemed different than the foster parents who’d clearly tortured Michael, they were getting money from the state to care. His dad...should have loved him, but didn’t. Alex pushed the thoughts aside. Nothing good could come of delving into the psychology of why his father was an abusive sack of shit.

Eventually, Alex had to walk to the engineering building to go to his computer science class. His thoughts were still on Michael, though. He loved that Michael and Maria got along; he hoped they wouldn’t get along _too_ well. Maria’s sass and Michael’s snark were hilarious when combined. As he navigated the groups of students on campus, he thought about that afternoon that Maria had shown off her psychic abilities for Michael, and how he’d been borderline freaked out, and had been able to block Maria. _What did Maria say? That he’d have to have the concentration of a monk or a gift to make those shields? I wonder if Michael is psychic?_ If he was, that would be a big secret he was trying to keep. _ I hope he trusts me enough to tell me at some point. At least he knows I’ll believe him if he does have abilities._ Alex was willing to bet that Michael had never been able to share any of what made him amazing with anyone over the years, and hoped he could be that person for him. _I don’t know if there’s a word for what we are right now, not ‘just friends’ but not quite boyfriends. But falling in love with each other._ At least, Alex really hoped Michael would fall in love with him. His heart told him that snuggling all night was a good indication that love was a possibility, but his brain wasn’t quite as sure. 

When he settled into his desk, he tried to stop thinking about Michael, but he could feel a little lingering smile on his lips, and knew that in the back of his mind, he was still obsessed with his not-quite-a-boyfriend.

***

“Wait, are you, like, actually sitting at your desk? Not taking a nap?”

Alex flipped Michael off. “I actually do have to do my homework. I like sleeping, but I’m a good student.” 

When they’d come back from lunch, Michael had complained that his only option for not wearing jeans was walking around in his underwear, and Alex had thrown a pair of pajama pants at him before putting on a pair of his own (the extremely comfortable palm tree pants). Michael had been sure Alex would climb into bed for an afternoon siesta but instead he’d pulled out his desk chair and settled into it carefully. 

“We both have algebra, want to work together?”

“Yah, actually.” He looked from his desk to Michael and back. “I guess we could sit on the bed.”

“That works.”

They settled on Michael’s bed, phones at hand to be calculators since they didn’t need graphing calculators yet. Alex asked an important question. “Can you listen to music while you do homework?”

“I’ve never really had that as an option. We can try it.”

“Ok.” Alex sorted through his premade playlists. “Here, this one is all quiet songs, shouldn’t be too distracting.” _Wake Me Up When September Ends_ filled the little space between them with plaintive guitar.

Alex and Michael soon learned that they were _excellent_ homework buddies. They had mostly overlapping questions to do, and worked them together easily. Alex had been sure Michael was a genius, but seeing how his mind worked with math was fascinating. Michael had been sure Alex was smart, but was still impressed with this mathematical abilities, he was almost as good at this as he was. It was basically review, but the _speed_ at which Alex solved the problems was essentially the same as Michael’s. Out of curiosity, Michael asked Alex to explain his reasoning and he actually _could._ Alex didn’t just know how to solve equations, he _understood_ how math worked. And that, unfortunately, made him even more attractive. In a display of just what extreme math nerds they were, they worked the problems the other had been assigned that hadn’t been on their homework list. 

“You don’t really need to show your work, do you?” Alex asked, softly. “You can do the entire equation conceptually in your head.”

Michael paused. “At this level, yah. But I resigned myself to showing my work when I decided I wanted to get scholarships.” He looked at Alex. “You don’t really need to show your work, either, do you?”

“I’m not quite that good,” Alex countered. “At least, not always. These equations were pretty easy, though. I understand the concept perfectly well, but I do better if I write it down.”

“It’s okay, I won’t hold it against you.” He grinned when Alex laughed. “I’m wired for math. I just ‘get’ it. I see the math in pretty much everything.”

“That’s why you’re going to be an amazing engineer. You’ve got the right brain for it. You aced that physics diagnostic, right? Can you hold an image of a three-dimensional form in your mind and rotate it to see all sides?” 

“Yah, if I’m looking at a schematic drawing, and I see it fully formed and 3-D in my head. That’s why I’m going for mechanical engineering.”

“You’re a genius. I’m not nearly that smart, but I’m very detail-oriented and have a really good memory. That’s why I’m good at working with programming. I’m good with patterns, too, that’s part of the game, especially when you’re ‘hacking’ or trying to keep hackers out. I’m still undecided if I want to stick to the software side, or actually build the hardware. Or, well, design the hardware.”

“Don’t knock yourself, Alex, you’re fucking smart. I wouldn’t talk to you if you were a moron.”

Alex laughed. “No, I know I’m smart, and I don’t even really have to try. But if I had to guess on IQ scores, I know yours would blow mine away.” 

“IQ scores are biased. They’re not a real, valid expression of someone’s intelligence.”

“Depends on the test. Something tells me you’re off the charts regardless.”

Michael looked up and blew his hair off his forehead, uncomfortable. “I don’t like to talk about it.”

Thoughts were racing through Alex’s head. “Because it’s something else that makes you different. And all you want is to belong somewhere.”

Feeling essentially skewared, Michael tried to swallow down his combined pain and fear. Pain, because he was absolutely, completely alone and always had been. Fear, because now he had to consider just how ‘different’ Alex really thought he was. He was intensely different, so fucking different that he wasn’t even from the fucking planet Earth. _ How different do I seem to him? I try so fucking hard to be ‘normal’ and I’m apparently fucking failing._ Michael realized his thoughts had spiraled directly into the worst case scenario. He tried to think of ‘different’ the way _Alex_ thought of different. Being in foster care was different. Being a genius was different. Being bisexual was different. The clothes he’d been given, the bad haircuts, the lack of normal kid stuff, that was different. Those were the kind of different that a cute kid from a small town thought of. Even a cute kid from fucking Roswell probably didn’t immediately jump to extraterrestrial as a form of different. And what Alex had said really was true. He wanted somewhere to belong. _Intensely._ He decided to encapsulate his entire tornado of thought vomit into a semi-sarcastic, “Intuitive of you.” 

Shyly, not sure it was the right thing to do, Alex placed his hand on Michael’s knee. “You belong here. Here, at school, with other people who want to belong and stand out at the same time. And with me.”

Something kind of like wonder filled Michael, and he gave Alex a surprised smile that grew into a grin. He covered his hand where it rested on his knee, and squeezed a little. “Thanks, man. For the record, even if no other emos claim you, you can belong with me.” 

Alex cracked up. “Thanks. I think.” _God Only Knows_ was the next song in the playlist. “Hey, do you still want to see if we can learn the harmony for this?”

“Fuck yes.” Michael put his math to the side. 

“I wish I had telekinesis,” Alex complained, picking up his phone. “Or I could use accio to bring my laptop to me.”

Michael had gone very still. _Shit, does he suspect something? Did I do something? Am I completely fucking wrong about how different he thinks I am?_

_Would it be so bad if he knew?_

Part of Michael’s brain was screaming _yes, it would be bad,_ and part of it was shrugging its mental shoulders. It was Alex. He believed in psychic powers. _Would it be so bad?_

_Yah, if I was just psychic and not an alien, it might not be so bad!_ Michael took himself firmly in hand. Yes, Alex would believe him. But could he keep it to himself? Or would he find himself in some CIA mind control project until he was killed for his alien stem cells? _Do not go there, Guerin. He does not need to know._ But a small, traitorous part of his brain whispered, _‘yet.’_

Luckily for Michael, Alex was absorbed in finding actual sheet music scans for the song and hadn’t noticed his momentary internal struggle. 

“Okay, here’s a process video on YouTube, with the sheet music. It’s in A major. I wonder if I can combine the guitar and piano parts so I have the entire melody?”

“You’re ambitious.” He took Alex’s phone when he offered it to him. “Okay, really ambitious. The piano part is pretty complicated.”

“Well, to do with this with guitar, we’ll be the melody and harmony, but I want the guitar to support it, not just be strummed chords.” He hit play on the video, and watched it all the way through. “I think we can do this, honestly. It’s more complex than it seems, but it’s still not Bach.”

Michael laughed. “Okay, you have a point. Let’s listen to it and focus on the vocal harmony first.”

Both of them knew the song inside and out, it was their mutual favorite, but hadn’t ever focused on the individual parts. Michael found himself intentionally humming along to the harmony, trying to encode it. “I already knew the harmony, I just never really sang it.”

“That makes it harder, especially if you’re used to singing the melody along with the radio.”

They tried singing along with the recording, and after the third run through, Michael had the harmony down. “Think you can find a karaoke version so we can see if we actually know it?”

“Way ahead of you. Ready?” He tapped play.

It was hilarious how much harder it was to sing without the melody under you, and they both laughed at how bad it was the first time. Both of them had such good relative pitch, though, that on the second run through they could adjust to both the track and to each other. On the third time, it was pretty respectable. 

“We should totally sing this for Maria,” Alex suggested. “She’ll lose her mind.”

“She was pretty amused by us singing harmony in the truck. Wanna see if one of use can pick it out on guitar?”

“Yah, hang on, I’ll grab it.” Alex carefully eased himself off the bed. He’d been sitting in one position too long and his legs were tingly...and all of the breathing to sing had made his ribs ache. “Again with having telekinesis or being able to cast _accio_ to bring things to me.”

Michael managed to laugh about it this time, and Alex didn’t notice how forced it was. “Just remember how bad Harry was at _accio_ until he had to fight dragons.”

Alex handed his guitar up to Michael before climbing up. “Does that mean I could discover I’m a wizard if I’m in a dangerous situation? Possibly involving dragons?”

“I guess anything is possible.” 

Alex shook his head, looking as cynical as a man twice his age. “Right. If I was going to be a wizard, or have psychic powers, it would already have happened. Unless I get bitten by a radioactive spider or spontaneously mutate, I’m stuck being an average human being.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being an average human being,” Michael argued. _I’d give anything to be an average human being._

“I’m resigned to it.” Alex rolled his eyes. “I don’t know if I really want the responsibility of being a wizard or psychic.”

That confused Michael. “Where does responsibility come into it?”

“Well,” Alex began. He’d thought about this a lot. “When you have an ability to help, you should. That’s the difference between being a decent person, and being a proactively good person. If I was psychic, or I could use magic, I’d feel responsible to use my abilities to protect or help other people. Right now, I can’t even protect or help myself, and I think that would upset me.”

Michael had never considered a ‘responsibility’ aspect of his abilities. “How do you feel about Maria?”

“That’s where we differ,” he answered. “Maria doesn’t think she should use her powers for anything serious, because she doesn’t want to tell someone a truth they don’t want to accept. She’s seen how people get upset when her mother tells them something they didn’t want to hear, even people who say they don’t believe in psychic abilities. She decided when she was like 15 she’d only ever use her gifts for tricks unless someone who really trusted her asked for more.”

“But you think she could be doing more to help people?”

“I don’t know.” Alex wondered if his internal conflict was obvious in his body language. “Part of me thinks she could be really good at relationship counseling, and could genuinely help people. Part of me wonders if she’d be abusing her power to look into the minds of her clients and share the secrets they’re keeping, even if she was just trying to help. It’s a moot point, though, because she has no desire to do that. She said she gets too emotionally invested in helping people with relationship problems if she uses her gifts. Rosa has had a pretty tumultuous love life for someone who’s only 19, and Maria would never turn her away when she needs help, but it’s exhausting for her.”

“Huh.” Michael contemplated that or a minute. “What do you think the responsibilities would be for someone with telekinesis?”

“I don’t know, I guess it would depend on how strong the person was? I mean, if you can save someone who’s falling out a window, you should. But what Maria and Mimi do isn’t as, um, impressive as moving things around. I’m afraid someone with telekinesis would really have to weigh protecting themselves against helping people. That’s why I actually don’t want to have magic in the Harry Potter sense, or psychic powers. I don’t want to have to make the decision of if I can risk my own safety for someone else’s.” 

_Oh holy fuck. He gets it._ It was starting to be scary how much Alex just ‘got’ him. “That would be a hard decision.” Michael thought about it a little differently than Alex, though. Yah, it would be a hard decision, but dying wasn’t always the worst possible outcome. Being forced to use his abilities to do things that were just fucking wrong was worse. There were so many threats someone could hold over him. So many secrets. If he had to choose between doing what some asshole wanted, or having his brain dissected while he was alive, he’d be fucked. Or fuck, what if they found the other two kids and were threatening them, the only people who might ever have known the truth about him? What if they had _Alex?_ But Alex probably thought of it like magic or Superman, black and white, using powers for good or evil. He was a cute kid from a small town who probably wanted someone to protect him more than anything growing up, and his perspective on psychic abilities was colored by that. He saw that ‘with great power comes great responsibility’ side from the movies, where there was always a happy ending. Alex’s diet of comic books and movies hadn’t prepared him for the idea that sometimes _no one could protect you, let alone yourself._ Michael saw it from the point of view of someone carrying a burden that truly did not lend itself to black and white solutions. _And now I’m going to be thinking about if I’m making responsible decisions. Thanks, Alex._

“Carrying that secret would be hell. Maria doesn’t make an effort to hide her gifts, but hers aren’t overtly threatening. Just fun. You saw how she made it a game at dinner.” 

“Yah.”

“She gets some of them wrong on purpose.”

“So she’s not a threat.”

“Yah.”

They just looked at each other for a minute, too many thoughts swirling around them to articulate anything. Michael was much closer to spilling his guts after this conversation, but he still wasn’t sure he and Alex knew each other well enough to really believe that Alex meant what he was saying. 

“Okay, that got deep.” Alex decided to lighten the mood. “Let’s see who can butcher this better on guitar.”

“It’s your instrument.”

Alex tried to see if he could hash out the chords from the two of them singing, and was fairly successful through trial and error. He eventually pulled up a video of someone actually playing it on guitar, but hated their version, and decided his was better anyway. Michael offered suggestions, actually taking the guitar to show him what he was thinking a few times, and by the time they were absolutely starving, it sounded as fantastic as it could for one afternoon of fucking around.

“Whatcha think, wanna record it for Dr. Hogan?”

“Um, sure, why not? But let’s have Maria listen to it first and make sure we’re not completely delusional about it being okay.”

Michael laughed. “That’s fair.” He picked up his phone to text Maria. “I hope she hasn’t gone to eat dinner yet.”

“Are you kidding? Has she let us go without her yet?”

“Okay, you have a point.”

_Michael: Hey have you left for dinner yet?_

_ Michael: Me and Alex have something to show you._

_ Maria: Oh really?????? 😏_

_ Alex: Its not sexual jfc _

_ Maria: I never said it was._

_ Michael: Your emoji did. Come downstairs._

_ Maria: Let me get dinner appropriate and I’ll be right down._

“We should probably change too,” Alex suggested, looking at his palm tree pants. “I’m sure a time will come when breakfast happens in pajama pants, but not dinner.”

“It’s early in the semester, sleep deprivation hasn’t set in yet.”

Michael was pulling out his shoes when Maria knocked on the door, and watched Alex go let her in. Truth be told, he was kind of nervous, he’d never really performed for someone before. Fuck around on the guitar with other people, yes. Sing harmony with his not-quite-a-boyfriend for his best friend? Yah, this was a unique situation.

“Okay, what is it you have to show me?” Her gaze around the room was highly speculative. “I don’t see anything new going on it here.”

“We practiced a song.” Alex grinned. “Our music appreciation teacher wanted people who sang or played instruments to send her short vids for extra credit.”

“She had us write down our favorite songs and ours turned out to be the same. Seemed like the perfect opportunity to see just how dorky we can be.”

“What song is it?” Maria was tickled.

“Just listen, you’ll know it.”

Instead of sitting on the bed, they pulled out their desk chairs, and Alex set his guitar on his thigh. He and Michael both laughed at how ridiculous this was, and how boyfriendy it was, but didn’t express that to each other. 

“Okay, stop laughing and sing!” Maria tapped her foot impatiently. “I’m here to be impressed. A literal captive audience.”

They took deep breaths to stop laughing, and Alex gave them the first note as a cue. He counted off, and they eased into the pretty, classic song. Nerves faded away in the excitement of creating something together. Michael didn’t think his voice was all that great, especially not compared to Alex’s, but could admit to himself that they sounded pretty good in harmony. The best part, in Michael’s opinion, was the last phrase when Alex took the iconic ‘God only knows’ descant that was essentially the shortest, prettiest tenor solo in pop music history. They kept their eyes on each other most of the song, and Alex was pretty sure he didn’t need to be a wizard, this was pretty damned magical.

Maria had never been more convinced that these two idiots needed to get married.

Alex and Michael grinned at each other, extremely gratified, as Maria clapped. “Thanks,” Alex answered, sort of embarrassed, but mostly pleased.

“Glad you liked it.” Michael hadn’t ever had applause for his showing off before. Usually he got eyerolls. “We put some effort into it.”

“I can tell!” Maria was still clapping. “You’re going to send this to your professor, right?”

Michael and Alex shrugged at each other, smiling. “Yah, I think so.”

“But she’ll probably show it in class,” Alex replied, sighing. “As much as I like performing, I hate performing for people that will probably laugh at me.”

“Why do you think people will laugh? You’re both great. That song is so pretty, one of my favs.”

“I feel like most of the people in the class are just getting fine arts credits and won’t care.”

“I think you’re wrong, Alex,” Michael disagreed. “Some people, yah, but your voice is going to wow everyone.”

Alex blushed, absolutely effervescent with the praise from Michael. “Oh, okay,” he answered a little weakly. 

“I agree, but you’re good too, Guerin. Where did you find the guitar part?”

“Alex did it himself, he didn’t like the way other people had adapted it.”

“Holy fuck.”

Alex ducked his head, smiling. “Yah.”

“Well color me impressed,” Maria declared. “I love it. You guys have to do more songs.”

They looked at each other. “Okay,” Alex answered. He would never say no to making music with Michael.

“Yah, we should.” Michael smiled at Alex, feeling so much affection it was hard to hold it in. “We’re going to get first choices of projects for sure.”

“God I hope so, I don’t want to get stuck researching the history of opera or something.”

Michael laughed. “I was thinking about having to listen to hours of Gregorian chant for the report.” 

“Oh god, that would be torture,” Maria laughed. “What would be worse than opera and chant?”

“Show tunes?” Alex suggested, laughing. 

“Hey, I might end up on Broadway, you never know,” Maria argued. “They always need dancers in the chorus.”

“I see you in Cirque du Soleil. You’re so good.”

“Aw, thanks Alex.” Maria filed this entire experience in the _Michael loves Alex_ folder. “Let’s get food, then you should play this for Zoey, she’ll love it.”

“Oh, okay,” Alex agreed, surprised. “I guess if we’re going to possibly be played in front of the class, we can play it for your roommate.”

Alex asked Maria to tell them about her dance classes at dinner, and she enthusiastically explained the different types of dance she was learning, and how she stood out in lyrical/modern. “There are a couple of guys in the class, and we’re already thinking about how we can incorporate lifts into our routines. One is even straight. And I don’t know if you know this, Alex, but dancers have fantastic bodies.”

“I’ll let you admire them,” Alex laughed. “I don’t really want to date a dancer.” _I want to date Michael. _

_Oh thank god,_ Michael thought. He didn’t want to compete with a guy with a fantastic body.

After dinner, Zoey came to 214, and Maria also invited Dean and Seamus, which led to a disgruntled Alex. Hannah and Emily came out of their room when Maria was in the hall, and she invited them, too. Now Alex was really embarrassed. Michael was pretty sure they were going to fuck up now that they had a fucking audience. 

They didn’t.

And no one could believe they’d learned it in the course of the afternoon. 

Michael couldn’t stop looking at the way Alex glowed from the appreciation. He realized that Alex had been bullied in high school and beaten by his father so had probably never gotten this kind of positive feedback. No one in the room gave a single fuck about if Alex was gay or not. No one here had ever met Alex before, and had no preconceived notions about who he was and what he was like. They just knew that Alex was talented and charming. Hannah also seemed to know that Alex was the hottest thing since Mount Vesuvius. _Down girl. Wipe up that drool._

After everyone left, Alex set up the camera and microphone on his laptop to record their video. He and Michael introduced themselves somewhat awkwardly, and Alex gave the title and artist of the song. Michael chimed in to say that Alex had done the guitar arrangement, which made him blush even more than he already was. It was one of those rare, perfect moments when they actually got it right on the first recording. Of course, the recording didn’t really capture just how good it sounded in real life, but there was only so much webcam technology could do. They debated who should upload it to Blackboard and submit it but decided they both would so they’d both get extra credit. Alex was hit with a surprise bout of extreme nerves when he had to press the submit button but managed to click and turn in the video. 

“I can’t decide if we’re cool or unbelievable dorks,” Michael said. “Maybe we should pick a newer song for next time.”

“Do we have to choose between cool and dorks? Can’t we be both?”

That pulled a laugh out of Michael. “Okay, yah, we can be both.”

They both slept well that night. Something about accomplishing something borderline awesome made for peaceful, nightmare-free sleep.

***

Thursday went by in a rush, both Michael and Alex trying to do homework and pick out songs (and in Alex’s case, take a nap). Alex wanted Michael to play guitar and sing the melody this time, which made him warm all over; they looked at songs that were a little lower since Michael’s range was more baritone than tenor - which was kinda funny, since Alex’s speaking voice was lower and Michael’s was higher. His voice was rougher than Alex’s, so they were thinking of things that were a little edgier or more country but couldn’t decide on anything. They didn’t realize how late they’d been up listening to music until Alex was yawning hard enough to split his face open, and he saw that it was after 1:00. The problem with a lot of the songs that sounded good with Michael’s voice quality is that they didn’t lend themselves well to having a descant harmony. He sounded amazing on _Hurt_ by Johnny Cash, but Alex couldn’t figure out a way to not sound silly, and it wouldn’t sound right on guitar instead of piano. It was infinitely more impactful than the Nine Inch Nails version, and they both liked it better, but it wasn’t going to work. Michael suggested that Alex learn it on piano, and he was online looking for sheet music instantly. 

When he was comfortable in bed, wrapped up in blankets and ready to pass out, Alex watched Michael settling in to sleep, and decided that the only thing that could be better than playing music with Michael would be kissing him, and let that thought carry him off into dreamland.

***

Alex decided that an 8:30 lab on Friday sucked, but probably wouldn’t suck as much if he hadn’t stayed up until after 1am. Michael grumbled when his alarm went off but didn’t get out of bed. Alex also grumbled but got out of bed and thanked his past self for buying a baseball cap because showering was not happening, hair was not getting done, and eyeliner could fuck off. He grabbed a banana and a bottle of water before stuffing his lab guide and a notebook in his backpack and trudging to the engineering center in a pissy mood. It had nothing to do with the fact that Michael didn’t have to get up and wasn’t walking with him. Absolutely nothing at all. Nothing. Maria didn’t have class until 10:00, so she wasn’t suffering either. _Damn them both._

Lab was taught by a PhD student named Jill who looked approximately 12. She was sweet and funny, and Alex noticed that she had one blue eye and one green eye, which he’d never seen outside of anime and hadn’t realized was an actual thing that could happen. Three of the guys in there were already making sexist jokes under their breath before the class started, and he decided he hated them. Maybe it was that he’d grown up with Liz who had never liked anything as much as biology (except maybe chemistry) and had known she was pursuing a scientific career since third grade, but he had absolutely no patience for assholes that just assumed a woman couldn’t be as good in a scientific field as they thought they could. Like he’d told Michael, there was no gender bias in coding ability. He hoped that Jill wouldn’t put up with their bullshit.

“Okay, sit down, be quiet, we’ve got stuff to do and only two hours to do it,” Jill yelled over the din. There were 12 people in the lab, a fairly small group, probably because it was Friday at 8:30. Alex had picked this lab so that he didn’t have to give up an afternoon or evening for it. 

“I’m going to take roll, and I’m going to take roll every week, so don’t think you can skip and work on your own later. We’re going to be on a server than you can’t access from a personal device so don’t try. I’m the only person who can approve people to access it, since I run it, and there’s not one single chance that you can sweet-talk, threaten, or insult your way into having private access. I’m a woman, not a moron. You can’t get your way, so don’t try.” 

Alex smiled. He liked this woman.

“We’ll also only access the internet on a VPN, so again, you can’t do this on your own machine. Give up. Come to class. You have to pass this lab with a C or better to pass your class, even if you have an A.”

_I would think I can get a C,_ Alex considered. He was a good student, and even if he didn’t usually _have_ to try to get good grades, he was capable of trying when it was required.

“If you didn’t look at the syllabus on Blackboard, you’re already being an idiot. We’ll have a project every week, you’ll have the two hours of class to do it. If you don’t finish, you’ll have to sign up for lab hours during the following week. If you haven’t turned in your work by the following Friday, you get a zero.

“I hold office hours Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 1-4, but email me to set up an appointment. I also run the robotics lab, so if you’re thinking of going that direction, we’ll see more of each other.”

Robotics sounded extremely interesting to Alex. He figured Michael would like it too. _I could do the programming and he could do the designing and building._

Alex spent the next two hours geeking out. He forgot how tired he was entirely. Jill assigned lab partners, and thankfully, none of the three assholes were his. His partner was a Japanese girl named Junko who was extremely sarcastic and had no patience for idiots. They got along swimmingly. She also had a septum piercing, and they decided that was clearly why Jill had paired them together. Junko was an exchange student from Japan and was fluent in Spanish as well as English, and she said she yelled at her boyfriend in Spanish when she was mad so he’d get even more pissed off, since he only spoke English and Japanese. She asked Alex about his life and he told her about Michael and Maria, and she immediately wanted to meet them both, so they planned a hang out. She lived off campus with her host family, but was down to meet any time, since she had a car (she told him the hilarious story of being pulled over when she was first driving and pretending she only spoke Japanese to get out of a ticket). Alex was actually disappointed when lab was over, and was looking forward to the following week. He and Junko exchanged numbers so that they could send each other memes.

When Alex got back to the room after computer science, he was so ready for a nap that it wasn’t funny. Michael was at his physics lab, since the only spot left when he’d registered was the Friday afternoon one. He hadn’t really cared, it wasn’t like he was ever going to want to leave early for going home for the weekend. They’d agreed it was probably good that they’d have alone time built in every week, too. As much as they liked being together, they were guaranteed to need time without each other. Alex stripped down to just a t-shirt and boxers and climbed into bed. Setting an alarm for 3pm, Alex took a few deep breaths, and passed out.

When his alarm went off he felt pretty well rested, and decided it was well past time for a shower. Assuming Michael would be back before he finished showering (and shaving, he almost looked like he had facial hair, it was shocking), he took a shirt and underwear in the bathroom with him, and proceeded to take an indulgently long shower. Something about hot water made Alex a very happy boy. _Someday I’m going to have a huge shower with like five shower heads. And a hot tub. I wonder if Michael would like to soak in a hot tub, or even just a bath? Preferably with me._ He laughed to himself. _I’m so obsessed with him._ He put math to work for a moment and decided they _would_ both fit in the shower as long as they didn’t plan on doing any gymnastics. He tried to avoid considering if one of them would fit on their knees, lost that mental battle, and took care of his obvious reaction. _I really have to stop masturbating in the shower thinking about Michael._ Yah, right. Probably the only thing that would stop that behavior was actually having sex with the boy in question. Alex assumed that Michael was _not_ a virgin based on his comment about having relationships in high school, but that didn’t necessarily mean it was true. Some very romantic person might think it sounded extra special for he and Michael to be each other’s first, but Alex would rather one of them have a clue what was going on, so it didn’t completely suck. _I mean, I’ve seen plenty of stuff online, but still._ He didn’t think there was a way to work _that_ question into an innocent conversation, so Alex just had to hope that if (when) things reached that point, Michael had a clue.

Alex got out of the shower and dried off, then wrapped his towel around his waist so he could shave. He figured Michael would be back any time and want to use the bathroom, so got to it.

***

Michael was in lab hell.

He’d planned to make a lab group with Krista and Jenny, but their lab instructor, a grad student named Larry who was at least 50 years old and total dick, had assigned groups. He was with two guys who were repeating the lab, Caden who was obviously rich as fuck, and Leon, who was clearly dumb as a box of hair. The fourth member of their group was a guy named Jaime who looked just as pissed as Michael. They silently resigned themselves to doing all of the work on their own.

They didn’t do any kind of experiments during the lab, just did the lab safety video and test, went over the syllabus, and talked about materials that weren’t required for the lab but would be helpful to have. Michael already had two graph paper notebooks, he’d thought they’d be useful since he used them for his own mechanical drawings, but hadn’t thought about getting colored pencils and a set of multicolored highlighters. The Larry also suggested getting a set of harder lead pencils so that with regular drawing pressure, you got lighter lighter lines. Jaime was an artist, and said he’d supply art pencils, no reason to spend extra money when he had tons. Michael demanded pictures, and was unbelievably impressed by his work, he did beautiful portraits, technical drawings, and blew him away with his concept drawings for cars, planes, and rockets. Michael said he’d photograph some of his spaceship designs for him, and they traded phone numbers. They got Caden’s and Leon’s numbers, too, so they could let them know if they’d miss lab. Michael assumed they’d probably miss _a lot._

Michael was hot, frustrated, and hungry when he got back to the room, and had to piss like a motherfucker. He walked in and set his backpack on the floor by his desk, and seeing that the bathroom door wasn’t shut all the way, pushed it open and walked in.

To see Alex, looking in the mirror, in just a towel, with his entire rib cage so black and blue and purple that Michael knew there were broken bones under that darkly-bruised skin. 

“Alex,” he breathed, horrified, and so intensely _sad_ that he was sure it was showing on his face. “Oh my god, what even, how?”

Alex looked at Michael for a moment, devastated, before he broke, and started crying. This was exactly what he hadn’t wanted to happen. He stood still, not sure what to do, sobs working their way out of his chest. _Now I have to tell him, I have to tell him my father fucking hates me. I didn’t want it to be like this. I didn’t want him to see this._ His thoughts were racing; how was Michael even going to react? Would he be mad that he’d hidden this? Would he feel bad? He didn’t want Michael to feel sorry for him, didn’t want him to be upset. _I wanted to tell him later, I wasn’t ready for this. Why the fuck didn’t I close the goddamned bathroom door?_

And then Michael’s arms were around him.

“Alex,” Michael whispered, holding him carefully, understanding now why he couldn’t get in and out of bed easily, why he hadn’t gone running or skating, and why he was changing in the bathroom. “Oh god, Alex, what happened?” He knew, he _knew_ his father had done this. _I knew he was hurt, I knew something was wrong, but holy fuck. I didn’t expect broken fucking bones._

“My dad-” Alex started, then broke off crying. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong.” _He always thinks he’s done something wrong._ It was a physical pain to Michael that Alex felt like he had to apologize for existing. 

Alex just cried, clutching Michael. In some ways, this was a relief, but it mostly mortified him. _I didn’t want him to see me like this._

“Hey, let’s get out of the bathroom, okay?” When Alex nodded, he led him into the room with an arm around his shoulders. He sat in his desk chair and pulled him down to sit across his lap, feeling angry and protective and sad and so much pain. “It’s okay to keep crying.”

Shocked by their change in circumstance, Alex actually stopped crying for a moment, before Michael’s careful arms around his waist opened the floodgates, and he wrapped his arms around his shoulders, hiding his face in Michael’s neck. Michael continued to show him so much care and affection, and he soaked it up like the dry ground in a rainstorm. He wasn’t sure how Michael knew what to do and what to say, but he hoped he didn’t stop.

Michael held Alex very gently, cognizant of his broken ribs and lack of clothes, not wanting things to go the wrong direction at the wrong time. He tried to think of what Alex had been hit with to do that kind of damage. A 2x4? A wrench? A pipe? Who the hell hit their _child_ hard enough to break bones? He’d never even had broken bones. Burns, cuts, bruises, yah, but not _broken fucking ribs._ Michael was fucking _enraged._ He didn’t think he’d _ever_ felt a level of anger like this before. Not when other kids were getting knocked around in a group home. Not when he’d been bullied in school. This was fueled entirely by his feelings for Alex. He’d never _cared_ about someone like he cared about Alex. He’d never wanted to protect someone so badly, and felt like he’d failed even though they hadn’t fucking met when it happened. 

Alex put a conscious effort into calming down, crying was really hurting his ribs in this position, and he was sitting in Michael’s lap in a towel and it was beyond weird. Michael cared about him, obviously more than Alex had realized, but still, there were limits to how much physical intimacy they could share while staying ‘just friends’ and being mostly naked in his lap was probably pushing it. He pulled back a little, and felt Michael relax his hold on him. 

“I keep getting snot all over you.”

Michael took a deep breath, and tried to make himself laugh lightly. It kinda worked. “It’s okay.” It was clear that Alex wanted to get up, so he helped him stand. “Do you want to talk?”

“I, I don’t know.” Alex stood there, still leaking tears, still conflicted about what had happened in the last ten minutes. “I need to put on clothes.”

“You put on clothes, I’ll use the bathroom, then we’ll talk.”

“Let me get my stuff.”

Alex pulled on his boxers and loose Nirvana t-shirt, and decided that he felt exposed enough, and put on pajama pants and socks, too. He decided that if he was going to talk to Michael about his dad, it wasn’t going to be sitting in his desk chair, and climbed up on Michael’s bed. He’d understand when he came back in.

Michael saw that Alex was in his bed when he exited the bathroom, and assumed this meant he both wanted to talk and needed emotional support. He quickly toed off his shoes and tossed the Kleenex up on the bed before climbing up. He sat knee-to-knee with Alex, knowing he was going to be holding him. Seeing that Alex was looking down, he put his finger under his chin and inspired him to look up with gentle pressure. He smiled, hoping all of his affection was conveyed through that little expression. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

Alex sniffed, nose still clogged, and felt fresh tears spill from his eyes. “My dad-” he choked on a sob, “my dad broke my ribs,” he whispered. “With a baseball bat.” He started crying in earnest now. “I don’t even know why, I hadn’t done anything, I was just washing the dishes, and--” 

“Alex,” Michael interrupted, “you didn’t do anything to deserve this. It wouldn’t matter if you’d just crashed your dad’s car or robbed a convenience store, you didn’t deserve to be beaten with a fucking baseball bat.” _Beaten. With a fucking baseball bat. Until his ribs were fucking broken._ Michael throttled down his rage.

“Usually there was a reason, though,” Alex argued. “A stupid reason, but a justifcation of some kind. Like,” Alex grabbed a tissue, “like, I hadn’t folded the laundry right, or I’d worn something really gay to school, or I’d talked back to him, but this just came out of nowhere.” He wiped his nose. “I mean, even when he was going to hit me just for being gay, he’d tell me that he was going to beat it out of me first.”

“Holy fuck, Alex,” Michael breathed, before reaching for him. “Come here.” He had to be holding him, now. He needed Alex to know how much he cared, _right now._

Alex wasn’t sure how he managed to be in Michael’s lap twice in one afternoon, but he wasn’t going to question it. Michael held him so gently, like he was made of glass, and Alex sure as hell hoped there’d come a time when Michael was holding him tightly under better circumstances. He cried for a long time, feeling guilty for taking so much of Michael’s time but oh-so happy to be so close to him. And the longer he went without feeling like Michael was judging him, the more relieved he felt that the secret was just _out._

“You know what’s the worst part?” Alex asked quietly, still crying. “He had to have bought the bat just to hit me. None of us ever played baseball, we didn’t have one in the house or garage, or even the shed out back.” 

“Shit, that’s sick. Just fucking sick.” That man, that sick, twisted fuck, had driven to the store, picked out the baseball bat, checked out, and then drove back home, all the while planning to break his son’s bones. He’d interacted with people, probably seeming like a normal person, maybe even talking about one of his sons playing baseball, and had been planning to hit Alex with it the entire time. _Premeditated abuse. He wasn’t pissed off and slapped him. He planned this._ Michael had his hand in Alex’s hair, cradling the back of his head as Alex cried on his shoulder. “He can’t hurt you again, though, Alex. You don’t have to go home if you don’t want to.”

Alex nodded against Michael’s neck. “I know. I don’t ever want to go home again.”

“Did you leave a lot of stuff there, though?”

He shook his head. “Nothing that can’t be replaced.” What did he even leave? Books? He’d brought everything with any meaning and all of his clothes and stuff, so really just books, and a couple leftover toys from his miserable childhood.

“Good.” _Because I’m never letting you be alone in the same room as him. Ever. I swear I could rip the asshole’s throat out right now._ His fiercely protective rage had been building and building, and Michael noticed the second he lost control of his powers. He locked it down, hoping Alex hadn’t noticed the blinds suddenly moving or the stuff on his desk rattling briefly. 

They were quiet for a while as Alex calmed down, just wrapped around each other, giving and taking comfort. Finally Alex spoke again, softly. “I was doing the dishes, listening to music. I had earbuds in, and didn’t hear him coming up behind me. He hit me hard enough that I hit the wall and knocked myself out for a few seconds. When I opened my eyes he was standing over me with the bat, and I couldn’t even cry it hurt so bad. He just walked away. It was probably an hour before I could get up off the floor, and I had to finish the dishes or I knew he’d hit me again. I,” Alex paused when his breath hitched, but he managed not to cry. “I already had bad welts on the backs of my legs from about a week earlier, and couldn’t wear jeans, so I’d been wearing Evan’s old shorts. I wore big shirts for a while because even fabric touching my side hurt. Neither of my bosses cared, which was good.”

“You had welts on your legs?” _I have a very bad feeling about this._

“Belt. That was just for being gay, no other reason.” Alex sniffed. “The worst experience of my life was the time my dad made me sit at the table and watch him clean my blood off of his belt.”

_Oh jesus fucking christ, what the fuck is wrong with this asshole? How fucked up can he get? Just when I thought I’d heard enough._ Michael controlled himself, though, and just said, “The scars you put the oil on.”

Alex nodded. “Now that you’ve seen this, there’s no reason you can’t put Vitamin E oil on the scars on my back for me.” He sat back a little, but didn’t move away from Michael. “I’m a fucking mess.”

“Not your fault.” Michael ran his hands down Alex’s arms, and let his fingers rest on the four-inch-long jagged scar on his shoulder, rage flashing through him. “What happened here?”

“That’s actually not from abuse, I fell down a ravine when we were camping when I was 10, and a branch got me.” He traced the scar on his forehead. “This is from my first attempts at skateboarding when I was 7. I was scared to get stitches so my mom put butterfly bandages on it so I’d stop screaming.”

Michael laughed. “Okay, good to know you have some scars with not-terrible stories attached.”

“Chris got in trouble for me getting hurt camping, he was supposed to be watching me. Evan was supposed to be watching me when I fell on my skateboard. I was a hard kid to watch.”

“Apparently.” 

“I felt bad, though. Dad didn’t discriminate on who got the shit beaten out of them.”

“Not just you?”

Alex shook his head, taking another Kleenex. “All of us. I got the worst of it, first for being gay and then because I was the only one left in the house, but we all sufferred.” He shuddered, and tried to decide if he could share his deepest fear with Michael. _He’s just held me and let me cry. He’d never hurt me._ Alex trusted Michael on a deep level. “We’ve never talked about it, but I think all of us believe he killed Mom and buried her in the desert in the middle of the night.”

For the first time since they started talking, Michael felt his own eyes prick with tears, and he cupped Alex’s jaw. “Alex, oh holy fuck, how are you holding that in?” He was so devastated on this boy’s behalf, and so terribly sad; he had no idea if his mother was alive, and he didn’t know, and would probably never know. _Something we have in common, I guess._ “I’m so sorry.”

He hadn’t realized he had more tears left. “I don’t know.” 

Michael just held him while they both cried, bound together by never knowing the truth about their mothers’ fates. Michael had come to the conclusion that he must have come to earth in the Roswell crash of 1947, and there was probably no way his mother was alive. He had a vague memory of coming out of a glowing egg or pod, but couldn’t tell if it was really real, or just a dream. But what if his mother was in a pod, just waiting to be found? It was horrible, the not knowing, and he knew that Alex felt the same way. That hope that came to the surface every once in a while that was crushed by reality. _Poor Alex. At least I can hold out hope that my dad didn’t kill her._

Eventually neither of them had tears left to cry, and just leaned against each other, physically and emotionally exhausted. Alex asked if they could lay down, and Michael was happy to continue snuggling horizontal. He was pretty sure they both fell asleep; he’d had vivid (bad) dreams that he hadn’t been sure were dreams at the time, but it was clearly early evening when he opened his eyes. Michael resisted the urge to kiss Alex awake, and just rubbed his back and said his name to wake him up. 

Alex woke up, surprised to find himself still wrapped around Michael. “Hey.” His head hurt, but not as bad as if he hadn’t taken a nap post crying. He took an experimental deep breath, and it didn’t hurt any more than it had in the morning, so he was pretty sure he hadn’t caused any new damage to his healing ribs. “You’re really good at cuddling,” he told Michael as he yawned.

Michael chuckled. “So’re you,” he answered with a yawn of his own. “Hungry?”

“Starving.”

“Of course you are.”

Laughing, Alex pulled away before he did something he’d regret, like kiss Michael senseless. “Hey, I had a banana at noon, it’s got to be like 6pm, I have the right to be starving.”

“I had PopTarts at noon, so I guess I could also be starving.”

“See?” Alex was on the inside of the bed, closest to the wall, so had to wait for Michael to move to get out of bed. Which he was not doing. “Y’know, I don’t think I’d be too graceful climbing over you to get dressed.”

Michael laughed. “Aw come on, just try it.”

“I’m sure I’d fall directly off the bed and give myself a concussion to go with my broken ribs.”

Still laughing, Michael turned over and dropped off the side of the bed. “There. Clear path.” He watched Alex get down carefully. “How much have they healed? When did this happen?”

“A couple weeks ago, a few days before I left. Nothing grinds when I push on it now.”

“Shit. Your bruise is still horrible.”

Alex nodded. “I get really colorful bruises that last a long time when I hurt myself. I can touch the skin again, though.”

“Jesus christ.” _I’m going to fucking kill his dad if I ever run into him._

“Yah.” Alex shook his head. “Okay, let’s stop talking about it, I don’t want to cry anymore.” _I wish I didn’t burst into tears so fucking easily. What am I, four?_

“Good idea. Do you want to go to the dining hall or go somewhere else?”

He thought about it for a minute before he laughed. “If I told you I needed emotional support enchiladas, would you buy that?”

Michael cracked up. “That’s some serious bullshit, but enchiladas are fine.”

Alex put on jeans and they both put on shoes and baseball caps before heading down the street to Frontier. They talked about their lab partners during dinner, Michael excited to meet Junko, Alex disappointed on Michael’s behalf for the idiots he was saddled with. He suggested that maybe Krista and Jenny might like to hang out, and Michael decided that meant Alex wasn’t afraid he was interested in them as anything but friends. As someone that had been pretty socially isolated growing up, this was an embarrassment of social-life riches. 

After dinner they walked around campus just complaining about random things and making jokes before going back to the room. Michael suggested they watch movies, and Alex was in favor of that. He texted Maria to see what she was up to, and she was going out with a bunch of girls from her floor. Maria had always been a social butterfly and it was clear that hadn’t changed by moving three hours north.

The day had been an emotional roller coaster for both of them, and they were yawning by 11:00 and decided to call it a day.

“Hey,” Alex started softly. “I’ll probably have a nightmare, just FYI.”

Michael nodded. “I figured. I’ll wake you up.”

“Thanks.” He happily accepted a hug from Michael. “And thank you for being awesome.”

“Any time.”

***

Alex’s nightmare struck about 2am.

Unlike the last nightmare, which had woken Michael with small, panicked noises, this one was clearly 0-60 in 2.5 seconds because it started with a strangled scream. Michael was out of bed and climbing in with Alex as fast as he could, taking a second to mentally turn on his desk lamp. The light and his weight on the bed startled Alex awake, and he jumped away from him, holding out his hands in self defense...which broke Michael’s heart all over again.

“Hey, hey, it’s just me, it’s okay, it was just a dream,” Michael murmured soothingly. “You’re safe, you’re at school, everything’s okay.” 

Alex stared at him, frozen and panicked for a second before reality caught up with him. “Oh, fuck,” he gasped out. “Fuck, Michael.” He tried to sit up, but couldn’t stop shaking. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, nothing to be sorry about.” He didn’t wait to ask this time, just scooted closer to Alex and put his arms around him. 

That little bit of comfort, along with the aftermath of pure terror, unleashed a torrent of tears. Alex hated himself at that moment, broken fragments of words like ‘wimp’ and ‘baby’ and ‘pathetic’ echoing in the voices of his father and brothers. He wanted to berate himself, but couldn’t hold onto any thoughts for very long, and made a conscious decision to focus on Michael’s soft voice and gentle hands and let himself be comforted. Slowly fear released its grip on his body and he was able to relax a little.

“Thank you,” he whispered to Michael, voice hoarse from sobs, but so grateful that he hoped maybe he could hear it in his tone.

“Always. Think you’ll go back to sleep?”

Alex shook his head. “Not this time. Different kind of scared.”

“Huh.” Michael hadn’t considered different kinds of nightmares causing different kinds of scared. “What’s different?”

Alex thought about it. “I wasn’t paralyzed. When that happens, I have an adrenaline crash right right away.” He sniffled. “This was like a movie, but I was in it and watching it happen at the same time. Those kind keep replaying over and over and I can’t go back to sleep.”

“Those are the kind I have.” _About so many fucked up things._ “Hey, wanna go for a drive?”

“That sounds great.” Getting the fuck out of the room and seeing the sky sounded like a fantastic idea.

They dressed quickly, grabbing sweatshirts against the late-night chill in the high desert. It was still hot during the day, but was starting to be really cold at night. Alex had never been so happy to climb into Michael’s battered pick up and feel the wind in his face from the open window. He didn’t really care where they were going, just that they went.

Michael drove out to another one of his favorite spots for stargazing and UFO hunting, about 45 minutes into the countryside outside Albuquerque. For a big city, Albuquerque wasn’t all that big; spelling the name correctly took almost as long as it did to navigate the highways at 3am. This spot had a small spring that flowed into a tiny puddle a few feet away, not enough water to do more than make slightly-greener scrub. But this late, with the earth so quiet, they’d be able to hear it trickle.

He pulled the truck off the road, and got the blankets and sleeping bags (recently washed, thanks to Alex) out of the back, and he led Alex to the spring by the light of the waning moon. He could probably find it blindfolded; not for the first time, he wondered if he had slightly better senses than the average human, not just telekinesis. His night vision was pretty fucking impressive.

“Right here,” Michael told Alex softly, and pushed aside the scrubby bush to lead him down the track. “It’s just a little ways in.” Alex followed him fairly confidently, clearly trusting him to keep him safe in the near darkness. “It gets rocky here, I can see but I don’t know if you can. Hold my hand.”

“Okay,” Alex whispered, taking Michael’s callused hand, feeling a little electric thrill. “My night vision is okay.” He had no intentions of getting out his phone for a flashlight, though, that would completely ruin the moment.

After a few minutes, Michael stopped. “Here. Listen.” He stood still and closed his eyes.

Alex closed his eyes, not realizing Michael had, and briefly wondered why people closed their eyes to try to listen to something. It didn’t make any fucking sense. But above the sounds of his cognitive dissonance, he could hear the faint song of running water. “There’s a stream?” 

“Very tiny spring, it just flows about a yard into a little puddle.” 

“I can smell the minerals, too. How did you find this?” 

“I came out here with my foster dog a couple times, and he found it. I learned the landmarks to the point that I can figure them out in the dark, as long as there’s enough moon to see by.”

“That’s fucking insane, Michael. In a good way.”

Michael tugged his hand, and they walked a few feet. “Here’s a good, sandy spot for the blankets.” They tossed them on the ground and straightened them out. They laid down on the sleeping bag and pulled blankets over themselves, just staring up into the unfathomable emptiness that was space. 

Alex felt something tight in his chest release, like he’d been holding onto a little ribbon of fear that the wind hadn’t ripped away, and now he was finally free. “We’re so small.”

“Puts things in perspective.”

They didn’t talk, just watched meteors streak between the stars, charting the fast transits of artificial satellites, considering life on other worlds, and watching the moon slowly set in the west. The eastern sky was starting to show the tiniest hint of grey when Michael realized that Alex had fallen asleep. He propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at his peaceful, relaxed face, and had a flash of insight.

_I love him._

_Fuck._

Not sure of the best course of action, he pressed a soft kiss to Alex’s forehead, and laid back down, with his head on the other boy’s shoulder, and smiling blissfully when he moved in his sleep to make room against his left side. Arm around Alex’s waist, for the first time in his life, Michael let himself feel joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do some serious research about how long bruising would last with broken ribs from a baseball bat, and Google didn't really want to help me. I've had broken ribs, but they were just cracked from coughing too hard (I get really bad respiratory infections) nothing like Alex's injury. Poor Alex. Don't worry, I won't let him suffer too long! He has Michael to make everything better!
> 
> BTW, I remembered another reference, see if you can guess it. Alex's first crush was Brad Cavanaugh. See if you can figure out why that's a relevant easter egg!
> 
> Chapter title: Everybody Hurts - REM
> 
> Also in the chapter: Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day; Hurt - Johnny Cash


	12. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't post last week, my friends, because I posted my gift fic for Tasyfa for the 12 Days of Malex/Malex Secret Santa on Tumblr! It's not set in this universe, but I think it might be the cutest, fluffiest fic I've ever written! I did an extra special moodboard for it, since that was Tasyfa's request, but I was so in love with my own idea that I wrote a fic too. This week I was going to post the Nebulous Well-Adjusted Future Weekend fic I'm writing, but I'm not done. It IS in this universe, and also very fluffy and sexy, but I couldn't do it justice by the end of today. I'll get it done intermittently with this fic. I had originally wanted it to be a one shot but I think I'll divide it into chapters and post what I've got for you guys! So, this week, I'm posting chapter twelve. I'm currently writing chapter fourteen so I'm probably going to slow down on posting a little, since I caught up to myself with these meaty chapters! Twelve is LONG. Be prepared! Thirteen is LONG. I couldn't figure out how to split them up into multiple chapters, so they're just long!

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49225409917/in/dateposted-public/)

“This is what hell is like. People think it’s flames and devils but it’s actually studying for an English test.”

Alex and Michael both laughed at Maria, who was currently sharing Alex’s bed with both of them while they studied. Most of what they needed was in the English book, and Google helped them out with the rest. The three of them were 100% certain that they’d never had to state the eight levels of adjective placement or subject-verb agreement in compound subjects based on the conjunction combining the subjects. What the fuck was subjunctive mood? Did anyone know what modal auxiliaries were? Or the names of the Anglo-Saxon letters used for the ‘th’ sounds? 

“The least she could have done was give us back the diagnostic tests so we’d know what to study,” Alex complained. 

“Yah, that’s some bullshit,” Michael agreed. 

“Does it really _matter_ if ‘because’ is a conjunction or a preposition in this sentence? Because I’m pretty sure it does _not.”_

“It’s a preposition,” Alex told Maria. “It has an object.”

“How do you know this shit, Alex?”

Alex laughed. “I have no idea.”

“I can’t believe this test is at 9am,” Maria groaned, rubbing her eyes. “I don’t know how much more useless grammar knowledge I can cram into my brain tonight.”

Michael looked at his phone. “Yah, it’s midnight. Let’s give up.”

“Agreed.” Alex yawned and stretched carefully. He could move more today. “Wanna study over breakfast at 7:30?”

“We probably should,” Maria answered, groaning again. “Okay, I’ll come down and get you at 7:30.”

“It’s a deal.” Michael yawned himself, and jumped down from Alex’s bed. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

Alex waved at him. “Go for it, I took one earlier. I washed the sheets and towels so yours are clean too.”

Maria laughed. “You washed Michael’s towels?”

Alex frowned at her. “I was doing laundry, why wouldn’t I wash Michael’s?”

“When I do laundry, I wash Alex’s sheets and towels.”

“Seriously?”

Michael and Alex looked at each other. “Is that weird?”

“Do you wash your clothes together, too?”

“Yah.” Alex felt confused. “It just makes sense to make one big load instead of each of us doing a small load. Less water, less detergent, less money.”

“Do you share clothes?”

“No.”

“You wore my Dr Pepper shirt,” Michael accused. “I caught you.”

“It’s so soft! Besides, you wore the palm tree pants.”

“Not to class. You wore my shirt all day.”

“Again, it’s soft!”

“You two are so married. I’m going to bed.” Doing each other’s laundry and wearing each other’s clothes definitely went in the _Michael loves Alex_ folder.

“See ya in the morning.”

While Michael was in the bathroom, Alex took a few minutes to take off his pants (not the palm tree pants, these were just black and purple plaid), put his phone on the charger, and set his alarm. He didn’t see any reason to climb into bed if he wanted to use the bathroom when Michael was done. His ribs were much better, another two weeks had helped a lot, but the bruise was still very colorful. Michael expressed some concern about that, but Alex reiterated that he just bruised badly, something about enzymes that were supposed to break down blood not being efficient (according to Liz). It was a relief to not always change in the fucking bathroom. 

“All yours,” Michael announced, coming into the room with a light cloud of steam. “Thanks for washing my towels instead of taking a nap today,” he teased.

Alex laughed. “I put the laundry in, slept for 30 minutes, put it in the dryer, slept for an hour, then got it out and folded it.”

“Jesus christ. I was with fucking Caden and Leon trying to keep our lab grade from completely tanking, and you were taking a nap.”

“That makes it sound really inconsiderate of me,” Alex giggled. “I’m such a dick.”

“Yah you are.”

After he took care of things in the bathroom, Alex turned off his desk lamp and climbed into bed. Michael was doing something on his computer. “Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“Yah, just shutting down. Fucking Windows updates.”

“The curse of modern technology.” Alex yawned. “I set an alarm, but you set one it case I try to ignore mine.”

Michael laughed. “Gotcha.”

He was tired, and Alex was almost asleep when Michael turned off his light and got in bed. It seemed like he did it in the wrong order, but Alex was pretty sure he was wrong due to being too fucking tired to think. _I’m probably going to have nightmares about grammar._

***

“That certifiably sucked ass.”

Alex laughed. “You have such a way with words, Michael.”

“It’s a gift.”

“But you’re right,” Maria agreed, “that fucking sucked.”

“We made it through our first college test, though.” Alex pulled out his phone to Google answers. “Whether or not we passed remains to be seen.”

“What were the names of the fucking Anglo-Saxon letters?” Michael felt personally attacked by that question, and hadn’t been able to keep the damned names in his brain. _It’s not like my ancestors were here developing this stupid language. _

“‘Thorn’ and ‘eth,’” Alex answered. “The compound subject answer _was_ ‘is,’ I was right.”

“I think I got that one, too.” Maria gave Alex a fist bump. 

“She said she’d have the grades up by Friday, so we won’t have to wait too long for the bad news.”

“Hey, thanks for having the foresight to order an entire box of Scantrons,” Michael said, grateful. “You could have charged a dollar a sheet today.”

Alex had had the brilliant idea to get a Scantron from the bookstore and order an entire box of them from Amazon so they wouldn’t have to walk over and buy one before a test for .50 each. “Oh my god, I’m so going to do that next time.” 

“You’ll pay for the box in no time.”

It had become a routine for Alex to walk Michael to algebra after English. And now they always touched before he went into class. They always met back at the room and went to lunch. Then they’d usually lay around or nap until Alex had his piano lesson at 3:00. And then they almost always did their music appreciation and algebra homework together before they went to dinner with what had become “The Table,” which was Michael, Alex, and Maria with Zoey and all of their suitemates. Sometimes Hannah and Emily would sit with them, other times the guys across the hall, Antonio and Grant would join them. Everyone brought various friends with them, but Michael, Alex, and Maria were the core group. Pizza and gaming was dinner in 216 sometimes, pizza and movies in 404 was dinner sometimes. Alex was pretty sure he’d be sick of pizza by the time he graduated from college.

Tonight Alex was feeling restless. He knew why. It was because he was so obsessed with Michael that when he wasn’t the center of the other boy’s attention, he started to feel anxious about his ability to _keep_ his attention. Michael was gorgeous, and received plenty of positive attention from other students. Alex didn’t really know what about him was special. _I mean, he does spend a lot of time with me, he chooses to spend time with me._ That was the thing that was thrilling and confusing about the situation. He wanted Michael, in every way. And sometimes he was pretty sure Michael felt the same. But Alex was so used to things going to shit in his life that he couldn’t quite believe that he could have Michael...and wasn’t entirely sure he was worth Michael’s affections. _Maria would tell me to shut up, that I’m being stupid. She doesn’t know how much I really care about him, and how much he means to me. And how much all of his care and kindness mean to me._ Part of him wondered how he could possibly _doubt_ Michael wanted a relationship; part of him couldn’t believe something could really go that _right._

And it wasn’t like Michael had gone somewhere, he was just sitting at his desk doing homework. He’d said he had two problems left on his physics assignment and wanted to have them done before class so he could check his work with Krista, Jenny, and Jaime, even though the assignment wasn’t due until the weekend. Their quartet had established themselves as overachievers, and that made Alex a little proud on Michael’s behalf. He’d met all of them, they were very cool. He especially liked Jenny’s blog, he and Maria had started following her on Tumblr.

Alex, himself, was supposedly doing his reading for history. He was more sitting on his bed, looking at how the light outlined Michael’s curls with gold, making them glow like a halo. He was more thinking about how good it felt when he woke up with Michael’s arms around him. _Would he really do that if he didn’t like me?_ And there’d been the morning by the spring when Michael’d been sleeping with his head on Alex’s chest when the sun came up. He wanted to go back to that lovely little spot, and make it _their_ spot. Maybe with a picnic when the weather was cooler? And to look at the stars again. And maybe even make out sometime. 

His phone chimed, it was Maria.

_Maria: Are you doing the history reading?_

_Maria: Did you know before now about the Muslim empire? _

_Maria: How it was Africans and Arabs that brought enlightenment to Europe?_

_Maria: How they’d developed modern medicine and sanitation in Spain?_

Alex laughed to himself. He’d been excited to learn about that too. 

_Alex: No history was pretty whitewashed in roswell _

_ Alex: Obv a muslim empire was bad gah_

_ Alex: Praise jesus _

_ Maria: FUCKING WHITEWASHING!_

_ Maria: This is why education in the US sucks._

_ Alex: Ikr its bullshit_

_ Alex: I wonder if theres secret gay history_

_ Maria: Probably. There’s probably secret women’s history, too._

_ Maria: It’s not all about white men for fuck’s sake._

_ Alex: I know its dumb_

_ Maria: What’s Michael doing?_

Alex looked over at him. He appeared to be Googling something but had his physics book still open. 

_Alex: Doing physics hw_

_ Alex: And looking hot_

_ Alex: His hair is so gorgeous_

_ Maria: Boy, you are OBSESSED._

Alex laughed quietly.

_Alex: I was just thinking that_

_ Alex: This is beyond a crush_

_ Alex: I’m falling for him_

_ Maria: You told me about waking up in the desert snuggled up with him._

Alex smiled at the memory.

_Alex: Dont forget the little spring_

_ Alex: That was amazing_

_ Alex: Hes so sweet to me_

_ Maria: That’s good, since he’s a snarky bastard to the rest of the world._

Alex laughed out loud this time.

_Alex: A funny snarky bastard_

_ Alex: There is plenty of snark in here_

_ Alex: We give each other shit all the time_

“What’s so funny?”

Alex looked over at Michael, who was turned around in his chair, book closed. “Maria giving me shit.”

“What about?”

He knew he was blushing like a neon light. “Oh, uh, nothing. School.”

Michael cocked an eyebrow at him, skeptical. “Uh huh.” _She’s giving him shit about me. He must have given her some details about how he feels._ That gave Michael a little rush of warmth. _Alex must really like me._

“Um, it’s really nothing.”

“I’ll let you off with that really uncreative evasion this time.”

“Um, thanks.” _Crisis averted._

_ Alex: Fuck you Michael heard me laughing and asked what about_

_ Alex: I cant tell him its my obsession with him_

_ Maria: Well, you COULD…_

_ Alex: No_

_ Maria: Did you send Liz that pic of him playing guitar?_

_ Alex: No why_

_ Maria: She needs to see it. And maybe all those other selfies with him._

_ Alex: So she can give me more shit about him_

_ Alex: No_

He actually switched over to his thread with Liz and texted her.

_Alex: Maria said you needed to see pics of my roommate _

_ Liz: The one you’re in love with?_

_ Alex: I only have one roommate_

_ Liz: You’re not denying it!_

_ Liz: Send pics! I don’t want to study for bio lab._

Alex queued up the original pic of Michael playing guitar, then the various selfies they’d taken and sent them.

_Alex: Okay_

_ Alex: What do u think_

The dots bounced for a while.

_Liz: HE IS FUCKING SEXY OMG _

_ Liz: Not my type but really hot. THAT HAIR_

_ Alex: His hair is gorgeous I want to put my hands in it_

_ Alex: Besides your type is Kyle_

_ Liz: Not after he hit you!_

_ Alex: Oh now its Max I forgot_

_ Liz: Shut up! I’m completely into a hot guy in my PE class._

_ Alex: What pe did you take_

_ Liz: Tennis. I went and got a little skirt just to flirt with him._

_ Alex: Down girl_

“What are you laughing about now?” _Me again?_

Alex kept laughing. “Liz has a thing for this guy in her tennis class and went and got a short tennis skirt so she can get his attention.”

Michael laughed, too. “That’s cute. I haven’t thought about what PE to take.”

“I’m glad I didn’t enroll in one over the summer, I would have had to drop it.”

“Yah.” They were quiet for a few seconds. “What PE do you want to take?”

“Cross-country running. Since skateboarding isn’t an option.” 

“Huh. You really do like running.” 

“I’m good at distances more than sprints. Guys gave me all kinds of shit in high school PE because I was gay, but I actually don’t suck at sports. I might take soccer for the second PE. I always wanted to play soccer when I was a kid.” Alex felt a pang of loss for the missed opportunity. “What about you?”

“Maybe weight lifting?”

_Yes, take weight lifting. Holy fuck._ “That would be cool. Since you hate running and don’t think dance aerobics is your thing.”

“Yah, no,” Michael laughed. “I don’t know for second semester.”

“Maria gets a pass on PE since she’s taking so many dance classes. And you know Zoey’s taking badminton.”

“Maybe I’ll take badminton,” Michael suggested brightly. “That sounds easy and hilarious.”

“That probably would be easy for you. But you have to get a tennis skirt for it.”

“Oh absolutely, and only baby pink will do.” 

“You’d be a vision.”

“Of hairy legs, jesus.”

“I don’t know how guys who wear skirts and dresses do it, leg shaving has to suck.”

Michael cocked his head and looked up, thinking. “Have you ever thought about wearing skirts or dresses?”

Alex shook his head. “No, I’ve never had any interest, the idea doesn’t do anything for me. You?”

“Huh uh.” Michael continued to consider this topic. “Girl clothes only appeal to me on girls.”

“I’ve seen some very lovely androgynous models in sorta masculine/gender neutral skirts and dresses, and it’s really visually interesting, but not for me. Even if I was interested in that style, I don’t feel like I have the body for it.”

“Yah, neither of us are especially androgynous.”

“I’m okay with that,” Alex giggled. “Almost-too-small shirts and slim-fit hoodies are as feminine as I think I’ll get.”

“Alex, you wear makeup.”

“Oh, right.” Alex laughed at himself. “Okay, I’m more feminine than I thought.”

“That’s not a bad thing,” Michael hurried to tell him. “I love your style.”

Alex blushed. “Oh, thank you. ‘Chill dude’ chic works for you.”

Michael laughed at that. “Is that what we’re calling my style?”

“Well, right now you only have jeans and t-shirts, so that’s kinda your aesthetic. What other styles do you like?”

He thought about it. “I’m kinda drawn to a toned-down cowboy look, I guess? A little bit country, but not aggressively? I think that’s why I like that denim jacket so much.”

“I can see you in a pair of cowboy boots. ‘Macho cowboy swagger’ would be a good look on you.”

He hadn’t thought it was actually possible, but Michael blushed. That was some very specific appreciation of his appearance from the boy he loved. “Why thank you, darlin’.”

Alex hadn’t considered how much the image of Michael in a cowboy hat would appeal to his lower extremities. _Holy fuck, since when do I think cowboys can be sexy?_ It was probably just Michael. And he knew the ‘darlin’” was just a joke, but it still felt like an endearment.

“Any time.”

“Cowboy chic will have to wait until I have the income to buy slightly higher quality clothes than Goodwill standards.”

“Yah, I don’t think either of us are going to be upgrading our wardrobes much in the next four years.”

Michael considered that. “Have you thought about grad school?”

“No,” Alex replied, shaking his head. “There are no useful advanced degrees for computer science. They exist, but they’re pointless job wise. What about you?”

“Yah, kinda. I thought it might be cool to be Dr. Guerin someday.”

“That would be cool. But that’s a lot more homework.”

He groaned. “I know. But there’s just so much cool shit to learn. Maybe I’ll work with my BS for a while then go back.”

“Michael Guerin, Ph.D. does sound very respectable. Wait, what’s your middle name? You could do an initial, too.”

“I don’t actually have one. Since I have no idea who I was before I was found, my name was just sorta randomly assigned.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.” Alex felt like an asshole.

“No, don’t be. I can always give myself a middle name if I want one. What’s yours?”

“Kai. It means ‘willow’ in Navajo. All of us have Navajo middle names. I’m glad my mom didn’t give any of us her maiden name, it’s Begay.”

“Should I laugh?”

“You can,” Alex laughed himself. “It’s a bastardized Navajo phrase and not a real name, there aren’t any actual Navajo last names. Navajo is a bastardized word too, Navajo people really call themselves ‘Dine’ which means ‘The People.’” Alex thought about it for a second. “I guess that can include me. I didn’t get a lot of exposure to that part of my heritage growing up.”

“Huh.” _I didn’t get any exposure to my heritage._ “I’m assuming I’m just white.” _Yah, right._

“Eastern European, maybe? Your nose says Greek, but your light eyes remind me of movies with people from like Romania or Hungary. Armenia? Albania? Croatia?”

“I guess I’ll take that.” _I’m none of that, but okay._ “If I ever find out, I’ll give myself a middle name from that culture.” _Like I’ll ever meet another alien._ Michael couldn’t decide if he was depressed, bitter, or both. _Probably both._

“That would be cool.”

“What are you working on up there?” Michael asked to change the subject. 

“Oh, history. That’s what Maria and I were texting about. We just discovered that the Islamic empire was composed of both Arabic and African Muslims and brought enlightenment to Europe. We never learned about that in high school, just that the Spanish chased the Moors out of Europe.”

“That’s actually interesting,” Michael grudgingly admitted. Human history was mostly crap to him, since Earth wasn’t really his home, and he wasn’t fucking human. Human biology had turned out to be a disastrous class for him, so, yah. “I bet Maria was into that.”

“Yah, she grew up pretty isolated from other African American people, and we never heard about anything but slavery and the civil rights movement in school.”

“Americans tend to think the world revolves around them.”

“What, it doesn’t?” Alex shook his head. “Wouldn’t it be cool to live abroad for a year?”

“Yah. One time I made a map of places I’d like to go to see ancient architecture that’s basically an engineering marvel. Mosques, cathedrals, temples, ancient monuments.”

“That would be fantastic. You’d have to break it up by continent.” 

“Where do you want to go?”

“I’d like to go on your engineering tour of the world, actually. We should make sure Stonehenge is on that map.”

“Fuck yah, it’s on there.”

“Pyramids?”

“Egypt and Mesoamerica.” 

“You know they were all built by aliens, right?”

Michael tried to hide his discomfort behind a withering glare. “Really.”

Alex laughed at his obvious disbelief. “There are some really unbelievable feats of engineering out there, but I’m pretty sure humans made them. It _is_ possible to think outside the box. Even ancient people were smart.”

“Alien enthusiasts don’t care.” Michael decided to get off that topic. “Anyway. I’ve only ever seen New Mexico. I at least need to get out of the state at some point.”

“I haven’t seen much beyond New Mexico either. My trips have always been fairly close to home. I’ve seen the Grand Canyon, though.”

“I’d like to go.”

“We can plan a road trip sometime, it’s not really that far. We can camp.”

“I know you said you’ve gone camping before, but I can’t picture it.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “I’ve been camping for a lot longer than I’ve worn makeup. I can fish, too. Including cleaning them.”

Michael held up his hands in an admission of defeat. “Okay, okay, you’ve outmanned me.”

“Well I can’t fix cars, so maybe we’re even.”

“Okay, that’s fair.” Michael yawned and stretched. “What time is it?” 

“You realize you have a phone and a computer right in front of you that will tell you the time.”

“Fuck you, okay, so I’m not used to having all this convenient technology.” He looked at his phone while Alex laughed. “Goddamn, it’s almost midnight.”

“Fuck, well, we’re going to be tired tomorrow. I guess that’s college life.”

“I hope I can avoid 7:30 classes in the future.” Michael closed his computer and started stripping. “I probably can’t avoid 8am classes, though.”

“Probably not,” Alex answered with a yawn. He climbed down from his bed, happy to be able to do it without so much pain. He was already in pjs and just needed to use the bathroom. 

Michael watched him go, relieved that he was moving more easily, still furious every time he thought about Alex’s dad. In any context. 

He remembered to turn off the light _before_ he got in bed this time, glad Alex had already been asleep the night before when he’d turned it off with telekinesis without thinking. He was getting less and less careful around Alex and that was a problem. A serious problem. Even though Michael really wanted to tell him, he was still hesitant; he was afraid that he’d confess that he was an alien in his moment of vulnerability. How would Alex react to _that?_ It couldn’t be good. _But if I want to have a relationship with him, a real relationship, I’m going to have to tell him at some point. I don’t want everything to be based on lies. He deserves better._

It seemed like he’d been asleep less than a minute when Alex was jolted awake by a shout. A strangled, terrified shout that was accompanied by the sounds of thrashing and tears. _Oh fuck, Michael._ He was out of his bed and climbing onto the other boy’s as fast as he possibly could. “Michael, hey, wake up, it’s just a dream.” Alex shook his shoulder a little, and rubbed his arm. “Wake up, sweetheart, it’s okay. Michael, _Michael--”_ He moved back a little when he suddenly sat up in bed with a gasp. “Hey, it’s me, it’s okay, you had a nightmare.”

Michael looked around wildly for a moment, trying to spot the next blow, before he realized the person next to him in bed was _Alex._ He relaxed a little, still caught up in the fear, still crying. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry.” Tentatively, Alex pulled him close. “It’s okay.”

He had literally _never_ had anyone embrace him after a screaming nightmare. He collapsed into Alex’s arms, then shifted around so he could wrap himself around him. He couldn’t stop the tears, he could almost _feel_ the pain of hot metal being ground into his back. But Alex was holding him so tightly, he had his hand in his hair and was rocking him gently, murmuring soothing things he couldn’t quite hear. Michael just pressed his face against Alex’s chest, letting the comfort soak into him, and loving Alex even more. 

He didn’t know how long he cried, long enough to cry himself out and get a headache, but Alex didn’t let him go until he pulled away. The other boy was smiling at him when their eyes met, and he used the corner of the sheet to wipe Michael’s tears away. 

“Feel a little better now?”

Michael nodded. “Yah. Thank you.”

“Want me to stay?” _Please say yes, you need a hug._

“Yah, if you don’t care.”

“I do care, that’s why I’m going to stay.” He pushed Michael’s hair back from his forehead gently. “Let’s get under the blankets, okay?”

As soon as Alex was settled, Michael cuddled into him, head on his chest. He sighed when he felt arms go around him, and thought he sensed a similar sigh from the other boy. “I don’t know how much longer we have to sleep.”

“It’s okay, we have the whole afternoon to take naps.” That pulled a chuckle out of Michael, and Alex smiled. “Just relax, I’ve got you.”

Michael relaxed. Because Alex was holding him.

Alex realized something as he pressed his face into Michael’s soft, springy curls.

_I love him. I’m so in love with him. He’s my love line. _

***

6:30 came really fucking early.

“I hate 7:30 classes,” Alex groaned, and forced himself to pull away from Michael. “My alarm is going off, I have to get up.”

“Guess I forgot to turn mine on.” Michael reluctantly released Alex from his death grip. “You can’t hit snooze from across the room.”

Alex’s reply was a whiny sob. “You have to move if I’m going to get out of bed.” He was between Michael and the wall.

“You’re so needy.” Michael threw off the covers and slid off the bed as Alex laughed.

Alex used the ladder to get down and pulled his phone off the bed with the charging cord to stop his alarm. “I think we’re up early enough to get breakfast in the cafeteria if we hurry. Free coffee.”

“You’re a genius.”

Before they parted ways, Alex tentatively offered Michael hug, and he took it gratefully. “See you in music appreciation.”

Michael nodded against his shoulder. “See you then.”

In history, Maria let Alex know just how tired he looked.

“You look like shit. Did you sleep at all?”

“Wow, thanks Ms. DeLuca, you’re so sweet.” Sarcasm dripped from every syllable.

“Oh, and you’re in a great mood, too. What kept you up all night?” She raised an eyebrow. “Anything I should know about?”

He rolled his eyes. “I was up late doing homework, and then Michael had a nightmare some time while it was still dark, and whatever sleep we got from then until my alarm went off was not enough.”

“It was bad enough to wake you up?”

Alex nodded. “Yah, we’re both light sleepers anyway, so we always wake up.”

“Oh.” Maria tipped her head to the side. “Have you had a lot of nightmares since school started?”

“Yah. I’ve had a couple since I moved here, but this was the first one Michael’s had.”

“What did you do to wake him up?”

He shrugged. “Talked to him calmly, rubbed his shoulder, shook him a little. When he woke up I held him while he cried until he fell asleep.”

Maria’s eyes widened and she started to smile. “Did you sleep in the same bed after that?”

“Yah, we always do.” 

“And here I thought that was a one-time thing.”

Alex was seriously blushing. “Now you’re making it sound weird.”

“No, it’s _adorable._ How can you even doubt that he likes you?” 

“Some days it’s impossible to believe he doesn’t. Other days, I just wonder if the girls he knows are more his type.” _Like you. _

“Alex, he’s totally into you. Snuggling all night is not usually a sign of casual friendship.”

“See? That’s how I feel! But then sometimes I can’t tell if he’s flirting with the girls we talk to. I mean, he’s _said_ he’s not interested in Krista or Jenny, but he’s so _nice_ to them.”

“It’s a sign of how fucked up society is that just being nice to someone is confused with flirting.”

“Yah it is.”

“It’s a good thing this class is interesting or you’d fall asleep.”

“I don’t know, Dr. Masters’ soothing voice might make me pass out.”

“I’ll poke you.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Alex walked to music appreciation with anticipation, since he got to see Michael. Who he loved. And hoped loved him. _I can’t even be mad that I’m exhausted because I got to snuggle with him for a couple hours. _

Michael was waiting outside the classroom and his entire demeanor changed when he saw him. It was like his entire body brightened, not just his face. Alex felt a warm rush and an entire flock of butterflies invade his stomach, and was unable to keep from smiling back has he walked over to him. It probably showed on his face that he was stupidly in love. “Hey, how was class?”

“An exercise in sleep deprivation. I’m not sure what I wrote on my paper during physics, but I’m pretty sure it’s not actual science.”

He laughed. “My history professor has this really melodious, calming voice, and if Maria hadn’t been deliberately annoying me, I would never have stayed awake.”

“We’re really bad at being college students, we can’t stay up all night without being zombies and we do all of our homework.” 

“And go to class. We didn’t even consider skipping class.”

“Yah, we’re bad at this. But we’ll graduate with good GPAs.” 

“Hopefully, we haven’t been here too long, we could become more typical students, you never know.”

Music was a discussion early music history, which was a lot of speculation since there was no way to know what it sounded like. Dr. Hogan played recordings of what reproductions of Greek instruments sounded like, and that was actually really interesting. Which was good, since both Michael and Alex were losing their battle with sleep by the end of the class.

“Oh thank god we can go to sleep,” Alex intoned dramatically as they packed up their notes. “Wanna eat when we wake up?”

“That sounds like a great plan.”

It was a trek from the music building back to their residence hall, made all the worse by how tired they were. Everything seemed annoying, at least to Alex, but especially the bright fucking sun and the loud ass students that seemed to have nothing to do but shout cheerfully. 

The minute they were in the door they both dropped their bags and got undressed before crawling into bed. A lot of times Michael pulled himself up onto the bed because he was a show-off but he used the ladder like his sloth-climbing roommate for a change. 

“I’m putting my phone on silent,” Alex announced.

“You’re racking up the genius points today.” Michael did the same thing. He snuggled into his blanket and pillow. They still smelled like Alex. _This will definitely help me sleep._

“I have no intention of setting an alarm.”

“I second that,” Michael mumbled.

As Alex got comfortable, he looked across the room, and really wished he was sleeping next to Michael. There was probably no way to accomplish that, though. Neither of them needed emotional support, they just needed sleep. He took a deep breath and started thinking about his algebra notes, and that led to sleep in a matter of moments.

They both woke up to knocking on the door.

It was hard to tell what time it was, since the blinds were closed, but Michael judged it was probably early evening, maybe 5:30 or 6. He listened to Alex whine pitifully and laughed as he got out of bed to see who was at the door. He looked through the peephole. “It’s your charming best friend, do I need to put on pants before I let her in?”

“Probably.”

Michael opened the door a crack. “Let me put on pants, hang on.”

“How often do you open the door without pants on?”

He pulled on his jeans from earlier and went back to open the door all the way. “As often as possible. What’s up?”

“Neither of you have answered your phones for hours and I was afraid you were dead.”

“No, just asleep,” Alex yawned. “My phone’s on silent on my desk. Hand it to me?” He reached an arm over the edge of the bed.

“Just get out of bed,” Maria complained, but handed it to him anyway.

“You sent us 27 text messages and called five times?”

“It’s time for dinner, it’s after 6.”

“Oh, some of these are from Liz.” Alex read through the messages quickly. “Damn, PE guy really is hot.”

“Let me see.” Michael looked at Alex’s phone. “Whoa, yah, he is hot. Liz has good taste. Except that she dated Kyle.”

“Kyle’s cute,” Maria argued. “Just a dick. Come on, get up, I’m going to be too weak to walk to the dining hall.”

“Fine.” Alex climbed down from his bed and headed for the bathroom. “Be right back.”

Michael laughed. “Okay, _I_ have to put on pants around you, but clearly Alex doesn’t feel like he needs to.”

“Eh, you don’t really need to, your ass isn’t that offensive.”

“Oh, gee, thanks, that’s just what I was aiming for.” She gave him a sharp look. “I’m just being a dick, I’m not trying to get you to look at my ass.”

“You better not.” 

“Or my junk.”

“Again, you better not.”

“Just think about who sees me in my underwear.”

Alex chose that second to come back into the room and saw them glaring at each other. “Please don’t kill each other before dinner, I’m hungry.”

“It’s tempting, but I’m also hungry.” 

Michael shook his head and went into the bathroom.

Maria gave Alex a sly look. “Take a nap together?”

“No.” Alex would describe his tone as petulant. “I couldn’t think of a reason to be in the same bed again.”

“Pity.”

“You’re telling me.” He looked at Michael’s desk when his phone buzzed. _I thought he went to sleep with it in his bed? He didn’t have it when he was talking to Maria, when did he get it?_ He shrugged. It’s not like it really mattered. 

It was just the three of them at their table during dinner. Alex was usually pretty healthy in his meal choices, but was having a cheeseburger and fries for a change, and had even gotten a brownie instead of fruit to go with it. He used an obscene amount of ketchup on his fries, too. 

“What’s the occasion?”

Alex looked at Michael, confused. “Huh?”

“You never eat greasy food.”

He looked down at his plate. “Liz’s texts made me think of getting burgers at The Crashdown and I had to have one. If I could get a chocolate malt, that would be perfect.”

“No, because then you’d dip your fries in it.”

“What the fuck, Alex?” 

Alex laughed at the look of horror on Michael’s face. “It’s good!” Michael’s skeptical face made him laugh harder. “No really, don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it, it’s fantastic.”

“Um, no.”

He slapped his hands down dramatically, but ended up flipping his fork off the table. Without thinking, Michael slowed it enough to catch it and handed it back to him. “Thanks. That kinda ruined the effect I was going for.” 

“You’ll live.” Michael didn’t notice the speculative look on Alex’s face because he was engrossed in his own burger. It had _every_ topping possible on it, including the chili that was in the soup pot on the salad bar. That required attention or it would be seriously messy. 

Alex put the fork incident out of his mind for the time being. But he definitely needed to think about it later. He felt a little wave of unease, though, that wasn’t so easily dismissed. 

It was movie night in one of the common areas, put on by the RAs, and it was _Independence Day._ Maria and Alex talked about how much her mom loved the movie and how she was obsessed with Will Smith. Michael tried to enjoy it, but a movie about aliens being eradicated was not usually his first choice for entertainment. It made him distinctly uncomfortable to be around a bunch of people who didn’t believe in aliens but loved the idea of murdering them if they ever showed up. 

Michael wasn’t sure how he didn’t have another nightmare that night. 

***

Alex let himself into the room Monday after piano to find it empty. He frowned. Then he rolled his eyes at himself because he had no claim on Michael’s time, and he could do whatever he wanted. Still. He liked spending time with Michael and had just assumed he’d be there when he got home. _Would it be weird and clingy if I texted him? No. We talk all the time._

_ Alex: Hey where r u_

_ Alex: I didnt give u permission to leave_

_ Michael: In DeLuca’s room._

Alex felt hot and cold at the same time. Michael was with Maria. Alone. They were friends, but still. He tried really hard not to tear up.

_Michael: Come up you have to see what she’s doing._

_ Michael: You’re going to DIE._

“Okay, well, they’re clearly not making out or something if he wants me to join them.” He made sure he had his keys and phone and went up to the fourth floor. Maria yelled, “It’s open!” when he knocked on the door, so he went in, still nervous about what he was going to find.

And it was not what he expected, even though he hadn’t been sure what to expect.

“What...Maria, what are you _doing?”_

Michael and Maria both laughed at the look of horror on Alex’s face. “I’m doing exactly what it looks like I’m doing,” Maria answered with sarcasm and sass. “You’ve got eyes.”

“That was an ‘I can’t believe what I’m seeing’ type of question, I can see what you’re doing. And it’s just _wrong.”_

Michael cracked up. “I’m dying to see what this looks like.”

“Why are you letting Maria straighten your hair?” 

“Boredom and the promise of homemade fudge.” Michael laughed at the look on Alex’s face. “Sit.” He indicated a spot on the fluffy rug that wasn’t covered with stuff. “You can tell me what it looks like.”

“No, don’t tell him, I don’t want him to see it ‘til I’m done. That’s why the closet is open, so he can’t see himself in the door.”

Alex watched another section of Michael’s beautiful curls disappear. The initial shock was fading and he was starting to be seriously amused. “Right now you have a mullet.”

“What?”

“Don’t worry, Guerin, I won’t leave you looking like an 80s mistake.” Maria combed the straightened locks. “It’s so long! But it really resists being straight.”

“Well, I tend to resist being straight, so…”

Maria and Alex both laughed. 

Alex pulled his baseball cap off and ran his fingers through his hair. “My hair’s almost long enough I could wear it in my face like a real emo kid.” He tugged the closet door closed just enough to look at himself. “I haven’t gotten a haircut since the beginning of August.”

“You can grow it out as long as you want, now. Want me to curl it after I’m done with Guerin?”

“No,” Alex laughed. He messed with it for a minute, pulling it over his eyes then sweeping it off to the side. “I _could_ wear it longer if I wanted.” He turned to Maria. “Can I see the hair brush?”

Maria handed it to Michael, who handed it to Alex. He turned to face the mirror and brushed it out, then sort of guided the hair around his face. “I kind of like it like this.”

“You’ll have to use a pomade instead of gel to style it if you keep it this length or let it get longer.”

“Huh.”

“I like it like that,” Michael commented. “It’s sexy.”

“Oh, well, I guess I’ll leave it long.” Alex could see himself blushing in the mirror. _Michael thinks my hair is sexy. _

Maria added Michael’s comment to her mental folder. It was jam-packed. She had no idea how Alex could possibly doubt that Michael was totally into him. _The way he looks at him is probably not appropriate for audiences under 13._ Maria knew, though, that it was Alex’s insecurity that was the problem, not the obviousness of Michael’s affection. _I wonder who’ll finally make the first move? My money’s on Alex. Michael’s waiting for him._ Which was kinda dumb, since Alex was equal parts inexperienced and insecure. But she couldn’t tell them how to have a relationship, they had to figure it out themselves. _All I can do is listen and offer advice, even if what I want to do is smoosh their faces together and make them kiss._

“Okay, turn around and face me so I can do the front of your hair.”

Michael rearranged himself to look at Maria. “Please try not to burn my forehead.”

“Please, I’m basically a professional.”

“Ouch!” He watched Maria jump then started laughing.

Maria slapped his knee. “Fuck you! Hold still, asshole.”

Alex watched them pick on each other and wondered if this was friendly teasing, or if Michael had told him his hair was sexy in one breath to turn and flirt with Maria with the next. _It’s so confusing. I just want him to like me._ He forced himself to sit still and not blurt out how much their behavior was driving him nuts. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened his text thread with Liz.

_Alex: Maria is straightening Michaels hair_

_ Alex: I’m disturbed_

_ Alex: Its not right_

He watched the little dots for a second.

_Liz: OMG send me a pic!_

_ Alex: I will when shes done_

He thought about what else he wanted to say.

_Alex: I’m afraid they like each other_

_ Alex: That would kill me_

_ Alex: But I want them to be happy I love them both_

He waited impatiently for Liz to reply, listening to Maria sing along with a Matchbox 20 song.

_Liz: There is no way Maria would date a guy you like._

_ Liz: Like no way._

_ Alex: If she feels like I feel how could she not_

_ Liz: You’re really in love with him aren’t you?_

_ Alex: Yah_

_ Alex: If they feel like I do they should get to be together_

_ Alex: Even if I want to die_

_ Liz: OMG Alex no. Stop._

_ Liz: Seriously. Maria would not do that to you._

_ Liz: Does Michael know how you feel?_

Did he?

_Alex: Idk_

_ Alex: I feel like its obvious_

_ Alex: But I’m scared to tell him_

_ Alex: We have to live together_

_ Liz: That’s true. Right._

_ Liz: Talk to Maria. She won’t date someone you love._

_ Alex: I want to believe that but you havent met Michael_

_ Alex: Idk hes just special_

Liz wasn’t replying so he flipped over to Facebook for a minute. Maria had posted selfies with the hot straight guy from her ballet fundamentals class. 

_Alex: But like she just posted selfies on FB hanging all over a sexy guy_

_ Alex: So idk_

_ Liz: TALK. TO. HER._

_ Liz: And maybe talk to Michael?_

_ Alex: Why is communicating so hard_

_ Liz: Tell me about it._

“Alex, are you paying attention? I’m almost done transforming Guerin into a Ken doll.”

Alex looked up from his phone and couldn’t help but grin. “Oh my god, you do look like a Ken doll. You look like a total douchebag.”

Michael almost collapsed laughing. “I need a polo shirt, I can pop the collar.” 

Maria adjusted her work with a little hairspray. “Okay, Alex, close the door, let Guerin see himself.”

“Holy fuck this is awful,” Michael crowed when he saw his reflection. “Oh fuck, DeLuca, I look like such a dipshit.” He touched the swooping bangs and looked at the flipped out pieces coming from behind his neck. “This is some 90s teen show preppy boyfriend hair.” He was laughing so hard that tears were rolling down his face.

“No, more 80s,” Maria laughed. “Somewhere between _Miami Vice_ and _90210.”_

Alex couldn’t stop laughing. “Michael, go take a shower, I can’t look at you like this.”

“Fuck no, I’m going to dinner like this!”

“Good, show off my handiwork.” Maria unplugged the flat iron and set it on her desk. “Take a picture!”

Alex had his phone at the ready. “Pose for me.” _Naked._

Michael tried to school his expression into something douchey but couldn’t really stop laughing. Alex took like ten pictures trying to get him to look a certain way before he got one he was satisfied with. He had to admit, it was hysterically funny, and completely weird to see himself without curly hair. “This is _wild.”_

“Is it late enough to go to dinner? I want to show this off.”

“Maria, it’s not even your hair.”

“No, but it’s my vision.”

“Let’s go, it’s got to be close to 5.” Michael smiled brightly at Alex. “How was your piano lesson?”

The look on Michael’s face made Alex’s heart thump in his chest. “It was good, Dr. Morrow chewed me out for learning music too fast.”

“That sounds like a fantastic reason to get chewed out.”

“I didn’t tell her that you’re learning my pieces too.”

“I _cannot_ play your music with _any_ kind of finesse.”

“Wait, aren’t you in the beginner’s class?” Maria asked. “Aren’t you still learning how to use both hands at the same time?”

Michael shrugged. “I figured that out pretty fast.”

“You _do_ play my pieces with ‘finesse,’” Alex argued. “You’re way ahead of the other people in your class. You might not have all the dynamics down, but you really can play them.”

_Am I blushing again? Alex has the weirdest effect on me._ “Aw, shucks.” _Deflecting, yah, that’s what you do with a compliment. Asshole._ “I mean it, really, thanks.”

Alex squeezed his arm and smiled. _God, this is so fucking confusing. Like, right now, he looks like he’s in love with me._ “You’re welcome.” _If I was anymore in love with Michael I wouldn’t be able to tie my fucking shoes, jesus fucking christ._ If it wasn’t for the fact that he didn’t want his first kiss to be in the fucking hallway, he would have already grabbed Michael by the collar and kissed him. 

None of their friends were in the dining hall when they got there, but while they were bullshitting over dessert Zoey came in. She pointed and started laughing from across the room, grabbing everyone’s attention, but they quickly lost interest.

“Michael, your hair is _ridiculous.”_ She looked absolutely delighted. “Maria obviously styled it for you.”

“Thanks, I was going for ridiculous.” Michael fluffed his hair to the amusement of the entire table. “Should I get blond highlights?”

“No, pink.” Zoey pulled her long ponytail over her shoulder. “I really want to do blue streaks.”

“That would really suit your personality,” Alex told her. 

“Thanks!” 

“Let’s do it this weekend,” Maria suggested. “Want to do your hair blue, Alex?”

“No, absolutely not.” Michael’s tone brooked no nonsense. 

Alex laughed. “I don’t even really have to say no, now, Michael has it covered.”

Michael was immediately embarrassed. “Sorry, dude, you can dye your hair if you want, it just looks good the way it is.” _Am I blushing AGAIN?_

“No, I really _don’t_ have any desire to dye it,” Alex reassured him. “I don’t want rainbow hair. I don’t even want a different natural color. I just like it brown.” 

“It suits you.” Michael was looking at Alex, and brushed his hair back from his forehead. “You left your hat in DeLuca’s room.”

Alex could feel himself blushing and his heart racing. “Oh, um, I’ll have to get it when we go back.” He couldn’t look away, he wanted to kiss Michael _so badly. _

“Ahem.” 

They both jumped when Maria cleared her throat. “I’m finished here if you want to go back to the dorms.”

“Oh, yah.” Alex tried to control his heart rate while he picked up his tray. “Do you have an algebra test this week?”

Michael nodded. “Yah, Friday. You?”

“Thursday. Do you have a study guide?” When Michael nodded, Alex offered, “We can start working through it if you want.”

“That’s a great idea.” 

“Do you guys always do your homework together?”

Michael looked at Zoey. “For the classes we both have, yah.”

“Is that weird?”

Maria and Zoey both laughed at Alex’s question. “No, it’s cute.”

Alex looked at Michael, blushing, and they shrugged at each other. _It’s not like we’re going to stop doing homework together if it is weird._

They settled on Alex’s bed with math books, papers, and computers. “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a big table to spread out on?”

Michael shifted his computer. “Yah. When we get a place we’ll have to get a big dining room table to do homework on.”

“We’ll have to find a place that’s close enough to walk.” Alex was trying to hide the fact that he was exploding at the matter-of-fact tone Michael used to discuss them living together. 

“I can always drive you to campus.” Michael smiled at Alex, loving this vision of their near future. “We’ll have to find furniture, neither of us have some we can bring from home.”

“Craigslist and garage sales. Even if I could get my furniture from my room at home, I wouldn’t want it.”

“Memories?”

“And it’s fucking ugly. The military will give you furniture if you don’t have it, but it’s not exactly nice. And it’s been through four boys.”

Michael laughed. “Got it.” He flipped through his notebook. “Is there like an architectural or design style you really like? Like,” Michael clarified, “I know that we won’t be able to really go all out on decorating or anything, I’m just curious.”

“I hadn’t really thought about it.” Alex tipped his head to the side. “Our house is pretty utilitarian. The same curtains are up from when I was 7 or 8, before my mom left. There used to be decorative things around when I was a kid but Evan and Chris destroyed almost everything in the house being idiots.”

“Huh.” Michael felt like a total dick for making Alex think about his mom. “When I was 16, the people I lived with had really pretty Native American pottery and woven things, and this awesome painting of Ship Rock at sunset over the fireplace.” He felt better when Alex brightened.

“That would be cool to have, I don’t have anything about my heritage besides my middle name.”

“And your gorgeous skin.” _Shit._

Alex blushed and his eyes widened. “Oh, thanks.” _Wow._

There was a moment of awkwardness as they just looked at each other before Alex looked down, but he really couldn’t stop smiling. 

Michael changed the subject to the algebra test. “Do you feel solid on this stuff?”

Alex shrugged. “Pretty much, but I still want to do the study guide to make sure I really know the material. My professor is letting us turn it in for five extra credit points, so there’s no reason _not_ to do it.”

“You can get extra credit for yours? That’s not fair!”

He laughed at Michael’s outraged tone. “Sorry?”

“Oh well. I’ll probably get an A anyway.”

“Yah, but y’know, I could end up with a 105% on the test, and you can’t.”

“Fuck you, Manes.”

“Tell you what, if you get 100% on the test, I’ll give you my five extra credit points in the form of taking you for coffee.”

_That sounds like a date, my dear Alex._ “You’re on.”

They went through the study guide pretty diligently. Alex put on a playlist he’d made of all Hans Zimmer movie background music that was perfect for doing math. They switched over to the reading for music appreciation when they couldn’t look at another _x_ variable. They’d done the reading over the weekend, but there was a quiz scheduled for class in the morning. 

“We get to pick our paper topics tomorrow, right?”

Alex nodded. “And we’re first to pick, thank fucking god.”

“How is she even going to manage that, there are like 70 people in the class? Does she have 70 different topics?”

“No idea. I’m wondering if there are like ten topics and only so many people can do each one?” 

“Maybe.” Michael was flipping through his notes. “Best-case scenario, what would you want to write on?”

Alex thought about it for a second. “I don’t know, maybe the development of metal strings for instruments? Since they used to be made from animal parts.”

“I’d forgotten about gut strings.”

“Gross, right?” Alex laughed at Michael’s face. “What do you want to write about?”

“A biography of a composer would be the best, it would be easy.”

“Boring, but easy.”

“Exactly. But maybe the development of some instrument? I have no clue what kind of papers you write for music appreciation.”

“I wonder how long it has to be?”

“Good question.”

They both looked at their phones when they chimed. Alex pulled up the text thread they had with Maria.

_Maria: Are you still doing homework?_

_ Maria: It’s been almost four hours._

Alex laughed. “Apparently we’ve been working on homework for too long.”

_Alex: Its actually been 2.5 hours_

_ Alex: And yes_

_ Maria: How can you do homework for two and a half hours straight?_

_ Michael: We don’t do anything straight DeLuca. 😉 _

Alex cracked up. “You are such a dork.”

“It’s true though!”

Michael had drawn attention to the fact that he wasn’t straight twice in the last couple hours. Alex wondered if he was trying to imply that he really was interested in him? _But maybe not?_

_ Maria: 😂 _

_ Maria: Guerin, you are a DORK._

_ Alex: I told him that_

_ Michael: And I am unrepentant 😁 _

_ Maria: That much is clear._

_ Alex: Something up or r u just picking on us_

_ Alex: For being good students_

_ Maria: Alex, you are in COLLEGE and you have done NO partying._

_ Michael: Neither have you._

_ Maria: What do you think I do when I go out without you guys? Knit?_

_ Maria: The performing arts department IS a party._

They looked at each other. “I actually hadn’t considered that Maria was out partying.”

“Me either. I figured she was out with friends.”

“Are we really, really lame?”

Michael nodded, laughing. “I think we’re really, really lame.”

_Alex: Michael says were lame_

_ Maria: You are SO lame._

_ Michael: You haven’t invited us to any parties._

_ Michael: None of our friends can buy alcohol yet._

_ Maria: All I’m hearing is a bunch of excuses._

_ Alex: Fuck_

_ Alex: You_

_ Maria: 😘 _

“I guess we could try to find something wild and crazy to do this weekend.”

Michael looked skeptical. “I guess we could go to the football game.”

“That’s probably not wild and crazy.”

“You’re right. And it also sounds like a waste of time, I really don’t give a shit about football.”

Alex laughed. “I really don’t either. We should go to one, though, just for the full college experience.”

“Let’s save it for later in the season.” Michael stretched and popped his back. “Wanna go see a movie this week maybe?” _I will consider this date if he says yes._

_Is this a date?_ “Yah, that would be cool. It’s not exactly a wild and crazy party, but that would be fun.” Alex smiled, absolutely giddy. “We could get together a hangout this weekend with our engineering friends.”

“Good plan. I want to meet Junko’s boyfriend since she talks so much shit about him.”

“Right?” Alex laughed. “You know, there’s a kitchen in the basement, maybe we could make a group meal or something. I bet Junko and Ken know how to make something Japanese we’ve never eaten.”

“Can you cook?”

He nodded. “I’ve been cooking for myself for a while. I’m not a gourmet chef, but I can follow a recipe. Maria and I have baked pretty much anything that can be baked. Liz taught me how to make most breakfast foods, too.”

“I took culinary arts in high school, but I can’t say I’m a master chef either. I can make some fancy-ass scrambled eggs, though, with ricotta cheese and dijon mustard. And chives on top.” 

“That sounds amazing.” Alex grinned. “You text your friends, I’ll text mine, lets plan this.”

Michael grabbed his phone. He had a group text with Jaime, Krista, and Jenny. 

_Michael: Wanna have a cooking party at my dorm this weekend?_

_ Michael: We have a kitchen that no one ever uses._

_ Michael: Alex and I can both cook. Kinda._

_ Krista: Sounds fun I can cook actually_

_ Krista: We’ll have to plan a menu_

_ Jenny: I can’t cook at all I’ll bring drinks and plates._

_ Jaime: i cant cook either ill bring chips n salsa_

_ Jaime: ill see if my sister will make homemade salsa its fucking good_

_ Jaime: can my gf come_

Michael laughed. Jaime had had three girlfriends since school started.

_Michael: If you’re still together this weekend sure._

_ Jenny: LOL_

_ Krista: lololol_

_ Jaime: k thats not nice but ur right im in demand_

“Jenny, Krista, and Jaime are down, if Jaime’s girlfriend lasts the week she’s coming too.”

“Junko and Ken are coming, they said they’d make Japanese food. Wanna ask Maria and Zoey?”

“Yah, they’d kill us if we excluded them.”

_Alex: Hey were having a cooking party this weekend _

_ Alex: Do u n Zoey wanna come_

_ Alex: All our friends from class are coming_

Alex waited. 

_Maria: That almost counts as a party._

_ Maria: Zoey is going home for the weekend, but I would be happy to attend._

_ Maria: Can Guerin cook?_

_ Michael: Yes Guerin can cook. Kinda._

_ Alex: Lets make churro pancakes like Liz_

_ Alex: And that crack pie ur mom does_

_ Alex: With the fruit_

“‘Crack pie?’”

“That’s the only way to describe it. It’s so good. It’s addictive.”

_Maria: Both good ideas. It’s impossible to hate the crack pie. _

_ Maria: What fruit do you like best Michael? I’ll make one just for you._

Alex closed his eyes in pain but forced himself not to overreact. “Do you even eat fruit? We can’t make it with candy.” 

“Um, fuck you.”

_Michael: Strawberries._

_ Michael: But make one with bananas for Alex._

That made Alex feel better. Kinda.

_Maria: I’ve never made one with bananas, that could be amazing._

_ Maria: So we can do one strawberry, one banana, and how about peach?_

_ Michael: I like peaches 🍑 _

_ Maria: That’s a butt._

_ Michael: I like butts too._

Alex cracked up. “You’re a dork. But the peach really does look like a butt.”

“It does kinda look like a butt.”

_Maria: LOLOLOLOLOL_

_ Maria: What are you making Guerin?_

_ Michael: Gourmet scrambled eggs. _

_ Maria: Fancy._

_ Alex: Lets include like bacon or sausage_

_ Alex: Everyone loves bacon_

_ Michael: I will not argue with this._

_ Alex: Cool this is a good plan_

_ Alex: See were not lame_

_ Alex: We dont have to get smashed to party_

_ Maria: LOL_

“She doesn’t believe that we’re not lame,” Alex lamented. “Sigh.”

Michael laughed. “I’m sure there’s alcohol that goes with breakfast but we only know other underage people.”

“Mimosas.”

“What’s that?”

“Champagne and orange juice.”

Michael grinned. “Damn, that sounds amazing.”

“They’re good.” Alex grinned back. “Maria and I have made them before. It has to be fresh-squeezed or it’s not sweet enough.”

“Every time you mention something delinquent you’ve done I’m shocked.”

“Do I really look that sweet and innocent?” Alex opened his eyes as wide as he could and batted his eyelashes at Michael. “I mean, just because I haven’t had sex it doesn’t mean that I’m pure as the driven snow or something.”

“I’ll concede that point on the basis of all the drinking. Any other delinquent behaviors I should know about?”

“Well, sneaking out whenever possible, skating is illegal pretty much everywhere in Roswell so I broke that law all the time, I was driving long before I got my permit.”

“Did you drive drunk, though?” Michael asked sharply.

“No, of course not.” Alex shook his head. “We usually only drank at parties where we were all walking back to someone’s house or were just hanging out at someone’s house.” He tapped his finger against his chin, thinking. “I had plenty of opportunities to smoke pot, but didn’t, it just doesn’t appeal to me. What else?”

“Well, I figure your nose piercing went over like a lead balloon.”

“Oh yah, that was not a good night,” Alex laughed. “I got my ear pierced in like ninth grade, and that was a shit show, but my nose _really_ pissed my dad off. Have I done anything else not sweet and innocent?” He turned bright red. “Uh, porn is a thing.”

“You naughty boy,” Michael laughed. “The internet is a filthy place.”

“It really is.” Alex desperately wanted to change the subject, but also kinda wanted to compare interests? _Don’t go there, Manes._ “I’ve cheated on homework, but not tests.”

“That’s not exactly delinquent.”

“Yah, that’s weak evidence of not being sweet and innocent. I’ve never like sent someone a dick pic or anything, that’s just rude.”

“Yah, don’t do that.”

“Yah, unless someone asks to see my dick, I’m not going to share.”

“Same here,” Michael laughed. _Would you like to see my dick? Yah, don’t think that’s going to be my flirting method._

Alex looked down at his phone when it chimed. “It’s Chris.” He read through the text. “Sweet, he got a Netflix account and sent me the login info. Wanna watch something?” He quickly texted back his undying gratitude. Every once in a while, one of his brothers would just be nice out of the blue and it would surprise him every time.

“Yah, that would be cool.” He closed his notebooks and shut the lid of his laptop. “What kind of stuff do you like to watch?”

“A little of everything.” Alex quickly logged in. “Ugh, Chris watches the stupidest shit.”

Michael laughed. “What’s he watching?”

“World War II documentaries.” He scrolled through some of the available movies and shows. “Oh my god, like, every season of Mythbusters is on here. Have you ever watched that?”

“Huh uh.”

“That’s what we’re watching.” Alex pulled up season two, season one wasn’t available. “Let’s put our stuff away.”

They hurried to put homework supplies on their desks, quickly settling back on Alex’s bed to watch the show. “Is this funny?”

“It’s hilarious, and cool. As an engineer, you’re going to love it.”

Michael loved it.

“This is _awesome.”_

“Right? I love this show.”

“This gives me so many ideas.”

“That sounds dangerous.”

“You mispronounced exciting.” 

Alex laughed. “Okay, but I get to help.”

“Duh.”

They watched the show until it was pretty late and they were both yawning. “Crap.” Alex looked at the time. “Tomorrow is gonna suck.”

“It’s not _that_ late,” Michael laughed. “I’m hungry, though. Do you want some beef jerky?”

“Yah, actually.”

Michael laid across Alex’s bed to try to reach it in the box on top of the fridge. Alex was laughing, and Michael scooted farther and farther off the edge of the bed to get it. He finally decided there was no way Alex could see the movement inside the box, and used his powers to reach that last inch without falling off the bed.

Alex noticed.

When Michael sat back up, Alex looked at him, considering. _Does Michael have like telekinesis or something?_ He thought about the light turning off after he was in bed. The fork not landing on the floor. His phone being on his desk. Reaching the beef jerky. He spontaneously remembered when he was talking about his dad how the blinds had moved, and things had shaken a little. He’d written it off as his imagination at the time, but… Then there was the discussion of the responsibilities of psychic powers, which Michael took completely seriously. And how he was actually _scared_ of Maria possibly reading his mind.

“You’re thinking hard.”

He nodded. “I have a question, you totally don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Okay.” Michael raised an eyebrow. He didn’t think, from the way Alex was looking, that he was going to ask him out. He was eating beef jerky and looked sorta confused. “Shoot.”

“Are you psychic?”

“What?” Michael was hot, cold, terrified, elated, shaking, and frozen at the same time. _“What?”_

“I was thinking about all these little things I hadn’t quite noticed, but just now, you really couldn’t reach the jerky.” Alex cocked his head. “Am I wrong? I could be crazy.”

Michael tried to control his breathing, he was completely panicked and was sure it showed on his face. He locked down his powers to keep from losing control. He opened his mouth to speak, to deny it, but nothing came out. He watched Alex’s eyes widen, and he put the jerky on the bed before throwing his arms around him.

“God, Michael, calm down, I won’t tell anyone, I won’t tell a soul,” Alex promised. He forced himself to stay calm for Michael, even though adrenaline was flooding his system, too. “You look like you’re going to pass out. It’s okay, your secret is safe with me.” He held onto Michael as tightly as he could. “Michael, you’re my best friend, I won’t betray you. I won’t tell.” He put his fingers in Michael’s soft hair and pulled his head down against his shoulder. “It’s okay.”

Michael was stiff for a few moments, absolutely trapped in terror, before he was able to take a deep, shuddering breath and relax minutely against Alex. Alex, who had just told him he was his best friend. Who promised never to tell. Who truly believed him and was _not_ freaking out about it. _Can I trust him? Can I really trust him? God fucking damn it this was not supposed to happen._ His thoughts were racing in circles around fear and panic but there was a thread of relief and excitement that he had a friend who knew, a friend he hoped he could trust. _It’s Alex. He won’t hurt me. He’d never hurt me._ Slowly he put his arms around the other boy, relaxing enough to shake. Alex was running his fingers through his hair very gently, holding him tight, _understanding why he was so freaked out._ It was probably over five minutes before he could relax enough to pull away. He looked at Alex.

He was just concerned. He brushed his hair back and cupped his cheek. “Okay?”

“Not really.”

Alex smiled a little. “Yah, I’m not surprised. Does anyone else know?”

Michael shook his head. “No,” he whispered. “No one has ever known.”

Alex suppressed an electric thrill at learning he was the only one to know. “Telekinesis, right? You can move things.”

Michael took a really deep breath, eyes closed, and nodded. “Yah.”

“That is beyond cool.”

His eyes popped open. “You’re really calm about this.”

“I’m not freaked out, remember, I know two people who are legitimately psychic. I’ve believed since I was little.” He smiled reassuringly. “I swear on the resting soul of Jimi Hendrix that will never tell anyone.” He grinned when that made Michael laugh. “Not even Maria.”

Michael breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank you. Not even Maria.”

“I love Maria but I don’t think she could keep it to herself.”

“Yah, I was thinking that. She’s too casual about her own abilities.”

“Eventually she’ll probably figure out that she needs to be less open about her ‘weird’ and maybe understand why it’s a big deal, but right now, it’s just a fun thing to set her apart. She likes that it’s different and impressive.”

“I have no desire to be different _or_ impressive.”

“Well, with your hair, you can’t be completely non-impressive,” Alex teased. “It’s too amazing. Well, not right now. Right now it’s just _wrong.”_

Michael laughed. “I’ll take a shower, don’t worry.” _Alex really likes my hair._ It gave him a warm feeling. “I like it better curly.”

“Good.” Alex wanted to kiss him so bad, but he knew this was absolutely the wrong time. _I don’t want him to think I’m attracted to him because of his powers. It would kind of be taking advantage of how fragile he is right now._ “Okay, I’m dying here, do something for me.”

“What?” Michael shook his head. “You want a demonstration, huh?” He grinned. The natural-born show off in him was slowly rising out of the fear and panic. He gently lifted Alex’s laptop off the bed and moved it across the room to his own bed.

“Oh fuck, that’s so cool.” Alex was delighted. “What’s the heaviest thing you’ve ever lifted?”

“I can pick up my truck for about 3 seconds.”

“Holy shit!” Alex was amazed. “That’s insane.”

“I gave myself a fucking awful headache doing it, though. If I push it too hard, I get a killer headache or even throw up.”

“Huh. I guess that makes sense, since you’re overworking your brain.” Alex thought for a second. “What about distance?”

“If it’s in my line of sight, I can move it. If it’s outside my line of sight, but I know for sure it’s there, I can move it. Or set stuff on it. I’ve put stuff on my desk from my bed after you’re asleep.”

“The other night you turned your lamp off after you’d already gotten in bed.”

“Fuck, I thought you were asleep.”

“Almost.”

“Was that what clued you in?”

“I hadn’t really thought about it until you caught the fork in the cafeteria the other night.”

“Oh fuck. Do you think anyone else noticed? I wasn’t even thinking, I usually don’t fuck up that bad.”

“Huh uh, no one else was looking, but you were sitting right next to me. You slowed it down enough to catch it.”

“Fuck fuck fuck. I can’t believe I did that.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I know no one noticed.”

Michael sighed. “I have to be more careful. I trust you too much, it makes me careless.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Alex smiled. “Can you do anything besides move stuff?”

“Yah, actually. You know how in physics you learn that you’re never actually touching something, you’re exerting force on it? I really isolated the force, and tried to pull it away from the object. I was using rocks,” Michael explained. “I wanted to see if I could make a bubble of force around the rock. It took a lot of work, but now I can.”

“You can make a force field?”

“Yah.” Michael was so gratified by how excited Alex was. “I want to work on making them bigger. Theoretically, I’d just be feeding more power into the field and stretching it, but it’s harder than it sounds.”

“That’s still beyond cool. Do you think you could use it to protect something? Or someone, if you could make it big enough?”

Michael nodded. “Again, theoretically. I can make them strong enough that a rock tossed at it bounces off.”

“When did you practice all of this?” Alex asked, overcome by wonder. “You’ve basically done a scientific study of your own powers.”

Michael gave him a crooked smile. “Once I bought the truck from my ‘dad,’ I spent as much time gone as I could, out in the desert, just fucking around. Then, uh, when I turned 18, the family I was with was going to stop getting the state checks, and let me know I wasn’t really welcome anymore. I was living in my truck for a while rather than getting the shit kicked out of me every day.”

Alex was unbelievably sad. “I’m sorry.” He moved over and put his arms around Michael again. “That’s shit.” He pulled back before it could get awkward. “But now you have a place to live, food, and me, so your life has to be 100% better.”

“Yah, that’s definitely the case.” He smiled. “Just for the record, you’re my best friend, too.”

“Thanks.” That made Alex tingle all over. “As much as I want you to keep moving things around, I really want to go to sleep.”

“Yah, that was an emotional rollercoaster, I’m going to be tired when I calm down.”

“Go fucking wash your hair.”

“You’re obsessed,” Michael laughed. 

“It’s _terrible._ I love your curls.” Alex blushed. _Shit._

_He’s so cute when he blushes._ “Why thank you, darlin’.” He squeezed Alex’s hand, then climbed off the bed. 

“Can you lift yourself?”

“Huh uh. I have succeeded in moving a few inches by pushing on a rolling chair.” He gave Alex a mischievous look. “I can lift you.”

“Really?” 

Michael laughed at his look of excitement. “Yah, here, don’t wiggle.” He carefully wrapped energy around Alex’s body and lifted him off the bed. “Put your legs down,” he instructed and waited until Alex moved to set him on the floor.

“That was the coolest thing that has ever happened to me.” Alex was overwhelmed with wonder. “Oh my god.”

“You’re too heavy to move around all the time, so don’t forget how to get on your bed.”

He laughed. “Yah, no, I planned to still use my arms and legs.” 

Michael let the hot water pour over him for a long time, trying to let go of the fear and panic. _I mean, it’s Alex. If anyone was going to find out, it was my roommate. And of everyone I’ve ever known, I’ve only ever wanted to tell Alex. He’s special. I love him._ Just thinking those words was almost as scary as having his secret revealed. He’d had boyfriends and girlfriends, and had thought there was love in those short relationships before they’d ended; he’d figured out why high school sweethearts don’t work out long term within days of them ending. Alex, though...this was different. He’d never _liked_ any of those people as much as he liked Alex. And, if he was being honest with himself, he liked who he was with Alex a lot more than who he’d been pretending to be for those relationships to work. _I feel like Alex likes me for who I actually am._ Michael was sure as they got to know each other better, they’d both relax more and see each other at their worst, but for now, Alex knew the real Michael Guerin better than anyone. _And he still wants to hang out with me. I even think he’s into me. _

A knock on the door startled him and he stuck his head out to yell, “What?”

It was from the other side of the suite. “Hurry up there are people who need to piss in here!” Seamus’s muffled Irish accent was absolutely hilarious. 

“Fuck you!” But Michael hurried to turn off the water and get out. He dried off and dressed himself as fast as he could, and let his disgruntled suitemate in before grabbing his comb and going back into his room. 

“Was that Seamus?” Alex asked, confused as to why they were in the bathroom together.

“Yah, apparently I took too long and he was having a bathroom emergency.” Michael continued toweling his hair, squeezing as much water out as he could. “You get to watch me grimace as I try to comb my hair.”

Alex frowned. “Does it hurt?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes it feels like I pull out half of it in the process.”

“That’s not right, hang on.” Alex climbed down from his bed and got a bottle off the dresser. “Here, this is a leave-in conditioner, let me put some in your hair, then I’ll show you how to comb it right.”

“Uh, okay?” Michael was mystified.

“Sit.” Alex indicated his desk chair. “You probably need a stronger conditioner, or argan oil like I suggested before, but this makes my hair super soft, so it’s bound to help yours.” _Also, I want to play with your hair._

“Okay.” Michael sat down, curious. “I thought your hair was just soft. You complain about it being floppy.”

“It gets dried out from the alcohol in the gel and hairspray. I use this every couple of days.” He started spraying the liquid into Michael’s damp, tangled curls, separating them into chunks to make sure he got them completely saturated. “I’m going to finger comb it, tell me if I pull your hair, I don’t want to.”

“I will absolutely not complain about you messing with my hair.” Michael held still while Alex started running his fingers through it, goosebumps rising on his skin and a quiet moan_ almost_ held back. He heard Alex chuckle so he knew he hadn’t been successful in holding it in. “What?”

“Nothing.” He worked the conditioner in carefully, not wanting to cause Michael any discomfort. Michael was clearly enjoying it, and Alex would be lying if he said he wasn’t. _Just this little bit of physical contact is so nice. I like taking care of him._ And that was it, really. He loved Michael and wanted to take care of him. _Michael is always taking care of my crybaby ass. It’s the least I can do._ “Here, hand me the comb.”

“Here.” It was a wide-toothed wooden comb, a gift from the ‘mom’ who’d helped him with his curls. Even after that home had gone to shit, he’d kept it, it was too useful.

“Thanks. Okay,” Alex began, “The secret to combing out curls without tearing all your hair out is to start at the bottom.” He started with the ends of Michael’s hair. “It’s so long wet.” He gently tugged the comb through the section in his hand before moving up. “I got all the tangles out of the ends, now I’ll go up like an inch or so.” 

Michael was pretty sure he was experiencing nirvana, this gorgeous guy that he was fucking in love with was slowly combing his hair and _it didn’t hurt._ He’d had sex that wasn’t as good as this. He just held still, trying to breathe, and hoping Alex didn’t take too much longer or a certain part of his anatomy was going to have something to contribute and he was only wearing a pair of Alex’s pajama pants. “How did you learn this? You don’t have curly hair.”

“No, but Maria does,” Alex answered. “She’s told me almost everything there is to know about hair. Hers used to be really long, but she cut it off during senior year.”

“She has pretty hair.”

Alex felt his heart clench, but forced himself not to react. Maria _did_ have pretty hair. “I’ve seen her the morning after a party. It’s not as pretty then.”

Michael laughed. “I don’t think I want to see morning-after-hung-over DeLuca, something tells me she’s a bitch.”

Relief swept through Alex. “Morning-after Maria is bitchy. But morning-after Alex is infinitely bitchier. The difference is that I whine about it and she yells about it until there’s coffee.”

Still laughing, Michael tried to picture the two of them, hair and makeup messed up crouched over cups of coffee like brain-eating zombies. “Remind me to have coffee on hand when I party with you guys.”

“What’s morning-after Michael like?”

“You’ll have to find out,” he answered, tone 75% flirtation and 25% sass.

“Oh, well then, I’ll look forward to it.” Alex tried to sound like he wasn’t flustered. _Did he just flirt with me? I guess that could have been a friendly challenge statement. But it sounded a lot like flirting._ “Should I also have coffee on hand?”

“Can’t hurt.” _Or nail polish remover. I wonder if acetone in coffee is drinkable? Acetone in tequila is drinkable, coffee could be okay. It would probably be less gross, actually._ Food for thought.

“Anyway, here, your hair is rescued.” Alex fluffed the curls with his hands. “This conditioner smells really nice, too.”

“I wonder if Seamus is done in the bathroom so I can go look at it?” Michael stood up, glad that things below the waist were still PG rated. 

Door unlocked, Michael went in and checked himself out in the mirror. Aside from the hair, he’d put on some weight and looked a little less hungry. _But oh man, the hair._ It looked fantastic. “Dude, my hair has never looked this good.” He couldn’t imagine what it would look like if he did this every day. “You’re a miracle worker, Alex.” When he walked back into the room, Alex was standing there with the comb, and he just had to hug him. “Thank you.”

Alex tried, and failed, to resist melting against Michael. “You’re welcome.”

Michael was aware that he was holding on too long for ‘just friends’ but didn’t actually care.

Alex was equally aware of that fact, and also didn’t care.

Michael pulled back first, and Alex looked so unbelievably adorable, that he had to stop himself from kissing him.

When Michael pulled away, Alex wanted to kick himself for not taking that chance to kiss him. He couldn’t look away though, and hoped Michael could see just how much he loved him in his expression.

Their phones chiming made them both jump, and Michael exercised his new freedom by bringing his phone to his hand. “DeLuca is asking about my hair.”

Alex laughed, both relieved and pissed that their moment was interrupted before one of them fucking did something about it. “Take a picture of it now and show her how much better it looks when I do it.”

“Here, you take it so she gets the full effect.” He started to offer Alex his phone and remembered that his wallpaper was a picture of them together; he pulled Alex’s phone to his hand and gave it to him. “It’s really convenient to be able to use my powers in here.”

“I bet.” Alex pulled up the camera on his phone. “Okay, pose or something ridiculous.” 

Instead of making a sassy face, or a sexy face, Michael just smiled sweetly. The photo was for Maria, but the smile was for Alex. 

“Uh, this picture is too cute, she’ll think I Photoshopped it.”

Michael looked at it. “We’ll call it ‘soft Michael.’”

That made Alex laugh, and he put the picture in their group chat. 

_Alex: Check out how much better I do with Michaels hair_

_ Alex: Look at those curls_

_ Maria: DAMN BOY_

Michael laughed. 

_Michael: My hair has never looked this good._

_ Maria: It’s beautiful, you could be in a shampoo commercial._

They both laughed at that.

_Alex: Curls are better than ken doll any day_

_ Maria: I do have to agree with that._

_ Maria: The bare chest and Alex’s pajamas make this picture very domestic._

“Oh fuck, I forgot I wasn’t wearing a shirt.”

“Oops.”

_Alex: He always wears my pjs_

_ Alex: He refuses to buy his own_

_ Michael: Why would I? We’re the same size and yours are free._

_ Maria: You two are so fucking married._

“She says that like it’s a bad thing,” Micheal laughed.

_Did he really mean that?_ Alex felt his heart rate skyrocket. _Being married to me is a good thing? Really?_

Michael looked at Alex and saw the intense blush and look of surprise on his face. “What? Wouldn’t I make a good wife?”

“You’d be the best wife,” Alex laughed, sorta giddy and with his voice shaking a little. _Does he actually, for real, like me as much as I like him?_

_ Michael: Alex says I’d make a great wife._

_ Maria: That’s so gross. _

_ Alex: Shut up_

_ Alex: Youd be a terrible wife ur so hi maintanance_

_ Maria: *high *maintenance_

_ Alex: *fuck *you_

Michael cracked up at the exchange. “DeLuca would be so fucking high maintenance.”

“She is, but her boyfriends seem to worship her before she dumps them.”

“Of course they do,” Michael laughed. “Does she dump them for really shitty reasons?”

“Usually.” Alex thought about it. “I don’t think she actually dates guys _she_ likes. She just dates guys that like _her._ I’m hoping that the bigger population here helps her find someone that she can connect with.”

“I can see that, actually. She’s not as open as she acts.”

“Yah.” He yawned wide enough to split his face in half. “Okay, sleep. Now.”

“Good plan. You’re a smart husband.”

“Smart and I bleach the bathroom every weekend, you’re a lucky boy.”

“And let me wear your pajama pants.”

“And do your laundry.”

“Hey, I do your laundry, too.”

Alex laughed as he snuggled into his blanket. “It’s becoming ‘our’ laundry as we keep wearing more and more of each other’s stuff.”

“I can’t help it that you have pajamas.” He flicked the lights off with a thought. “Stop wearing my shirts.” 

“No.” Alex giggled when Michael laughed. “You wore my grey v-neck the other day.”

“It’s really soft and thin and it was really fucking hot. And you’d worn my Dr Pepper shirt. Again.”

“It’s soft and thin and it’s really fucking hot outside.”

“I’m going to hide it.”

“No you’re not.”

“You’re right.” Michael actually really loved that Alex wore his clothes. “Night, Alex.”

“Night.”

***

“Michael, I’m dying.”

He looked up at Alex, who hadn’t gotten out of bed. “Well, you sound like you’re dying, so you could be right. That was one of the most pitiful croaks I’ve ever heard.”

Alex coughed and sniffled. “My nose feels like a rock. My throat hurts. I feel terrible.” He coughed until his head hurt. “I’m really cold.”

Now Michael was concerned. “Do you have a fever?”

“I don’t know,” Alex answered miserably. “No thermometer.” 

“The fact that you’re not getting up for class tells me you’re really sick.” It was October and Alex hadn’t even been late for a class. “Stay in bed, after class I’ll go get you some medicine. And a thermometer.” Michael pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge and floated it up to him. “Stay hydrated.”

“K.” Alex sniffled some more, shivering. “Can I borrow your blanket?”

“Yah, of course.” He concentrated, and the blanket drifted across the space between the beds to land on his sick roommate/best friend/not-quite-a-boyfriend. 

“Oh god, thank you.” 

Alex sounded pathetically grateful. “If you need anything, text me, I’ll come back.”

“No, go to class.” He waved at Michael weakly. “Take notes in English for me.”

“Text Junko to take notes for you in CS.”

“You’re smart.”

“Rest, I’ll be back later.”

Maria was concerned when Alex wasn’t with Michael in front of Laguna Hall before class. “Where’s Alex?”

“He’s really sick.”

“How sick is really sick? Hate to break this to you, but men are babies.”

“Ha ha, DeLuca. He’s coughing, sore throat, stuffy nose, but I think he has a fever, too, he was complaining about being cold. I gave him my blanket.” Michael raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you really think he’d skip class if he wasn’t seriously sick?”

“Yah, you’re probably right,” Maria conceded. “He hates missing school.”

“And he’s missing a class with _us.”_

“And we _are_ the reason English is fun.”

“Exactly.”

They both took careful notes, knowing Alex was going to need them, especially since Dr. Dishman started the short story for their second literary response during class. Alex was a good writer but the format was specific and the analysis of the story was being discussed in class. 

Before algebra started, Michael texted Alex to see if he was okay. He didn’t answer, which he hoped meant he was asleep, not dead. _It’s probably just a cold, I’m sure he’s not dead._ He resisted the urge to text Maria to go check on him. 

When he let himself into the room after class, Michael saw that Alex’s bed was empty, but the fits of coughing coming from the shower let him know where he was. Alex had left the bathroom door cracked so he stuck his head in. “Hey, I’m back, can you handle getting out of the shower?”

Coughing and laughter answered him. “Yah, I can get out of the shower. Did I remember pajamas, though?”

Michael looked at the sink. “Nope, I’ll grab you some.” He went back into the room and got the palm tree pants and his Dr Pepper shirt along with a pair of underwear. “On the sink.”

“Thank you.”

Michael waited impatiently for Alex to come back into the room, worried about him. He hadn’t really worried about someone being sick before. Illnesses were mysterious to him, since he seemed to be impervious to human viruses and bacteria. _I guess I should say earthly? Or terrestrial? Since sometimes animals pass viruses to people._ It was an upside of being an alien. He often wondered if viruses from his home world affected his people in the same ways that colds and flus affected humans. _I’ll probably never find out._ Michael pushed away his sadness. 

Alex walked into the room, eyes half open. “I’m so fucking sick.” He sniffled. “I hoped the shower would help me breathe. It was about 60% effective.”

“Well that’s something.” He crossed to Alex and placed his palm on his forehead. “In my entirely unprofessional opinion, you feel like you have a fever.”

“Your hand is really warm.”

“You’re really sick.” Michael took his hand away, aware that his hand was warmer than normal for a human. “What kind of medicine do you want?”

“Like, I don’t know, Dayquil and Nyquil? Cough drops and Gatorade?”

“Sure. Kleenex?”

“Oh god, please, we’re out and this toilet paper Dean bought is like sandpaper on my nose.” Alex started coughing again. “Oh, thermometer.”

“I’ll get microwave chicken soup.”

“You’re the best best friend ever.”

Michael laughed. “Get back in bed.” He watched Alex climb into bed like a geriatric orangutan. “You’re never going to be a model for mountain climbing equipment.”

“Fuck you,” Alex laughed before he started coughing again. “Don’t make me laugh, it kills my head.” He buried himself in the blankets. “I’m so sick.”

“I’ll be back in a minute.”

At Target, Michael got the meds, debated cough drop flavors and got lemon mint herbal ones, debated Gatorade flavors and got blue, and several cans of chicken soup and a bowl that had a handle like a giant coffee cup for Alex to microwave it in. And plastic spoons. He grabbed the extra soft tissues but not the ones with lotion, since they were more greasy than moisturizing. He spontaneously remembered the thermometer when he was almost to the check out and had to backtrack to find it, and had to ask an employee because they were fucking hidden. 

Alex was looking at his phone when he walked in. “I’m sure this is a cold, but according to Dr. Google I have heart failure, cancer, and the flu all at once.”

“Oh my god, Alex,” Michael laughed. “Why are you even Googling your symptoms if you’re sure it’s a cold?”

He laughed and coughed. “I don’t know. Mostly to see if I would actually die.”

“I really doubt you’re going to die.” He started unpacking the illness supplies. “I didn’t know what flavors of cough drops and Gatorade you wanted, so I got these.” He held up both.

“Oh, those are good, thank you. The lemon mint ones work _and_ taste good.”

“That’s a miracle.”

“And no Gatorade tastes good, so it doesn’t really matter.”

“I completely agree with you on that. I hate sports drinks.” He held up the medicine. “Do you want to sleep or not sleep right now?”

“Sleep.”

Michael pulled the thermometer out of the bag. “Here, let’s take your temp first. It’s supposed to be 98.6, right?”

Alex nodded while he coughed. “Yah. It’s not really a fever until it’s over 100.” He took the thermometer from Michael and put it under his tongue. 

“If I was an asshole I’d ask you a bunch of questions now, but I’ll resist the urge.” He watched Alex try to smile and keep the thermometer in his mouth. Unable to speak, he flipped him off. “See? Who needs to talk, between rude gestures and your eyebrows, I’ll be able to figure it out.”

When the thermometer beeped, Alex pulled it out of his mouth. “101.6. I’m for real sick.” He put the cover back on the thermometer and handed it to Michael. “What were you saying about my eyebrows?” 

“You have the most expressive eyebrows. Your facial expressions are intense enough that there’s no way you can hide it if you’re thinking about something.”

“Well, around you,” Alex croaked. “I can control my face a little more when I’m around my dad. Not enough,” he amended, “but if I’d let him see everything I was thinking, I’d probably be dead.”

“Huh. I feel special.”

“You are. I don’t really hide anything around you. You, Maria, Liz, and Rosa. And I guess Mimi and Liz’s dad, Arturo. They both accepted me unconditionally.” He sniffed hard trying to see if he could breathe, but it just made him cough, which made is head hurt worse. “Can I have Nyquil and Gatorade now? Even if I’m probably not in heart failure, I still feel like I’m going to die.” 

“Of course.” Michael opened the meds and fought to get a dose of the huge blue gel caps out of the foil. “What the fuck, do they think sick people are body builders?”

“I know, it’s not fair. I use scissors.” 

He opened the Gatorade, too, and screwed the lid back on. “Here.” He floated the pills and drink up to Alex so he didn’t have to lean over the bed again since his head hurt. He had a brilliant idea, and grabbed their algebra book. “You can use this as a table for your Gatorade.”

“You’re so smart.” Alex took the book, but it didn’t weigh anything. “Are you still holding it?”

“Yah, it’s heavy, just guide it to where you want it.”

“You are the sweetest human being on this entire planet, Michael Guerin.”

“You’re totally wrong,” Michael answered, laughing uneasily. _Wrong on everything._

“Nope.” Alex took a drink of the Gatorade, grimaced, and set it on the text book. “Okay, I’m going to sleep.”

“Oh, here are the Kleenex.” Michael opened the box and passed them to Alex mentally. “You can’t sleep with a cough drop, you might choke.”

“See? Sweet.” _I love you so much, Michael._ “Thank you.”

“Only for you.” 

“That’s all that matters.”

Michael laughed. “Okay, you sleep, I’m going to do homework.”

“K.”

When Alex woke up, he didn’t feel significantly better, but at least he was less tired. Michael had cracked open the blinds and the light coming in was spectacularly red. “Dude, I slept forever.” He started coughing again and took a gulp of warm Gatorade to relieve his dry throat. “Did you go eat?”

“No you were still sleeping. I didn’t want to leave you alone.” Michael looked over from his bed, where he was reading. “And I didn’t want to go without you if you wanted to go to the dining hall.”

“Oh, thanks,” Alex croaked, coughing and sniffling for good measure. “But you can go eat, there’s no way I’m going to leave the room. I’m not hungry anyway.”

“You sure?”

Alex waved at him. “Yah, go eat.” He drank more of the blue Gatorade. “Can you hand me the cough drops, though? I promise not to go to sleep with one in my mouth.”

“Hold out your hand.” Michael lifted them off the desk and deposited them onto Alex’s open palm. “I thought lemon mint herbal cough drops sounded like something a person who eats bananas for a snack would use.”

“Asshole,” Alex laughed before it dissolved into coughing. “But you’re right. And you got the sugar free ones so my teeth don’t rot.” He quickly opened the bag and unwrapped one of the yellow drops. “These are my favorite.” 

“You have a favorite cough drop?”

“Well, yah.” He popped it in his mouth. “It’s like having a favorite candy just for being sick. I hate honey lemon ones and most cherry ones taste like they’re just red flavored.”

Michael laughed. “Okay, that’s fair. I haven’t used a lot of cough drops, so I haven’t tried the wide array of flavors.”

“Well, Luden’s are the tastiest, they’re basically just candy, so they don’t work worth shit.”

“You are wise in the ways of cough drops,” Michael teased.

“I don’t like to miss school, so I’ve tried all of them.” Alex grabbed a Kleenex and promptly sneezed into it, which made his ears plug and his head hurt, and he started coughing again. “Go eat, don’t starve because I’m sick.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.” Michael slid off the bed. “Text me if you need something.”

“I’ll be fine, I’m just going to go on YouTube.” 

Michael saw Maria and Zoey in the cafeteria and went to sit with them after grabbing some kind of pasta with garlic bread. Sometimes garlic bread made him think he didn’t actually want to leave the Earth. _Garlic bread and Alex._ “Alex has not yet died but he’s sure it’s imminent.” 

Both girls laughed. “Boys are so such babies.”

He shook his head, gesturing to Zoey with his fork. “No, his fever was 101 point something, he’s legit sick. I went and got him some medicine and stuff after class.”

“Aw, that’s sweet.” Maria smiled at him. “You guys are so married.”

“We told you he thinks I’m a good wife.”

“Why are _you_ the wife?” Zoey laughed.

“Random choice of gender roles.” Michael looked down for a minute, smiling. “I enjoy taking care of him.”

“That’s _adorable.” _

Michael laughed that they’d said it in unison. “Dually noted. Adorable.”

“He doesn’t expect you to do all the cooking and cleaning while you work full time, right?” Maria teased. “Raise all the children?”

“Outdated gender roles will kill me! No,” Michael said, “Alex does way more cleaning than I do since he’s nuts about the bathroom. I get annoyed with shit sticking to my feet so I’ve vacuumed the room twice. We kinda split laundry duties.”

“It’s so funny that you do laundry together,” Zoey giggled. “Do you just alternate who does it?”

“Depends. If we’re doing all the clothes, sheets, and towels, we do it together.” He shook his head. “Why is that so weird? We’re saving money and the planet that way.”

“It’s a really family or couply thing to do.” Maria raised an eyebrow at Zoey. “Don’t you agree?”

“Yah, totally.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Besides, I steal his pajama pants all the time, and he keeps wearing my shirts, so it’s more ‘our’ laundry than ‘his’ or ‘mine.’”

Zoey’s jaw dropped. “You wear each other’s clothes?”

“Yah? He’s wearing one of my shirts right now.” He felt the need to explain. “I actually have loose clothing, and he steals that shirt so often it’s almost his.”

“You do realize,” Zoey pointed out, “that it is not normal to not care if your roommate wears your clothes without asking. That would make most people pissed.”

“He’s my best friend,” Michael argued. “And I take his pajamas basically every day, and stole one of his shirts this week.”

“So. Married.”

“That’s not exactly a bad thing.” Michael raised an eyebrow at the girls, who were giggling at his expense. “We get along great, he’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met, and he’s hot. I could certainly do worse in the husband department.”

“‘He’s hot?’”

Michael actually felt himself blushing. “Totally.”

“So do you see something long term with him?”

He saw that Maria’s shrewd brain was fishing for his relationship intentions. _If Alex doesn’t know I love him, I’m not going to tell DeLuca._ “We already talked about getting an apartment together for next year.” Sighing, he continued, “I don’t think I ever want to _not_ have him in my life, whatever that might mean in the future.” 

“I see.” 

Michael applied himself to his pasta, not sure what else to say on that topic. He knew they were watching him and speculating about his relationship with Alex, current and future, and wished they’d stop. _It’s hard enough to wait for him without pressure from the outside. _

Maria broke the semi awkward silence. “Do you think Alex is going to class tomorrow?”

“Not if I have anything to say about it. He’s not going to be _that_ much better by tomorrow.”

“A virus usually lasts like a week.”

“I have to bow to your superior expertise on that, Zoey, I don’t get sick very often.” _Or, you know, ever. _

“A cold usually lasts a week to ten days,” Maria confirmed. “Alex is pretty healthy, so he doesn’t usually stay sick for weeks.”

“Good to know.” Michael finished his dinner, and decided against getting something sweet so that he could go check on Alex. “I’m going to go make sure Alex didn’t choke on a cough drop and die.”

“Text me how he’s feeling.”

“Sure.” 

Alex was watching a quiet video on his phone when Michael got back to the room. “Hey, how’re you feeling?”

“Like ass.” Talking made him start coughing again. “I got up to pee and it wore me out.”

“Well at least you didn’t wet the bed?” Mixed coughing and laughter were the response to his observation. “DeLuca wants to know how you’re feeling.”

“Oh, I’ll text her.”

_Alex: I FEEL LIKE ASS_

_ Alex: Im dying_

_ Maria: You are not dying, drama queen. You have a fucking cold._

_ Maria: Want me to bring you anything? Or does Michael have it covered?_

_ Alex: Michael is a good nurse you should stay away so you dont get sick too_

Michael laughed when he looked at the text thread. “Should I change my major?”

“No, nurses don’t build spaceships.” 

“Good point.”

_Michael: I don’t think I’m changing my major to nursing._

_ Michael: I’m very selective about my patients._

_ Maria: Yah most nurses don’t dress their patients in their own shirts._

_ Alex: See michael is the best nurse_

_ Michael: And wife._

_ Alex: That to_

_ Maria: *too_

_ Alex: Shut up I’m sick_

_ Maria: You can’t spell in text messages when you’re NOT sick._

_ Alex: Who even cares_

_ Maria: Clearly not you._

_ Michael: Ouch DeLuca. He’s sick and fragile right now._

Alex started laughing.

_Alex: Yah I’m fragile_

_ Maria: Jesus fucking Christ go to sleep, drama queen._

“Your texts are impossible to understand sometimes.”

“Fuck you,” Alex laughed. “Someday word prediction will be better. Maybe I’ll make a different keyboard app that has text prediction and better auto correct.”

“You could attempt to pay attention to what you’re typing.”

“Stop, I’m sick and fragile.” Alex coughed miserably until his eyes were watering and his head was throbbing. “I think I need soup and more Nyquil.”

“I’m in agreement with that. Let me go wash out the bowl I got.” Michael took that and a washcloth into the bathroom. Hand soap was going to have to work as dish soap, he hadn’t thought about that.

“You bought me a bowl?” 

Alex sounded delighted and that made him smile. “Yah, look, it’s like a giant cup. And it’s just your color.”

“I’m going to start wearing only pastels just to fuck with you.” He wiped his nose and eyes. “Did you get spoons?”

“Yep.” Michael opened a can of chicken soup, dumped it in the bowl, and added the requisite can of water before putting it in the microwave. “I haven’t had chicken noodle soup in ages, it actually smells pretty good.” 

“Maria and I made homemade chicken soup once, it was really good. We put a lot of garlic in it.”

“I don’t think I’ve had garlicky chicken soup. I did just have garlic bread at dinner.”

“I love garlic bread. I’ve made that too. You should have brought me some.”

“Can we take food out of the dining hall?” Michael asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“If you try hard enough.” When Michael laughed, Alex laughed too before he started coughing. “Green tea with honey.”

“You’re a demanding patient.”

“I didn’t say you had to go get it!” 

Michael got the soup out of the microwave and stirred it, before handing it up to Alex. “If you hold the handle it won’t be too hot.”

“Thank you.” Alex blew on a spoonful and put it in his mouth. “You don’t realize that you can’t taste anything without your nose working until you’re sick.”

“You know, I hadn’t really considered that. I never get sick.”

“Lucky.” Alex ate more soup. “This is helping my throat.”

“I’m glad.” Michael turned his desk chair so he could talk to Alex and sat down. “I’ll get you tea, honey, and a cup tomorrow.”

“You really don’t have to, I’ll completely survive and recover without too much damage.” 

“You _are_ a drama queen.” Michael grinned when Alex flipped him off. “But I would be happy to go get you green tea and honey tomorrow.”

_‘I love you’_ almost fell out of Alex’s mouth before he stopped himself. They were in a weird place where ‘I love you’ wasn’t a joke between bros but wasn’t ready to be said, especially since Alex meant it completely romantically. “You’re amazing. I owe you.”

“Tea with honey is good for a sore throat for any reason, right? Like, colds, allergies, screaming too much at a One Direction concert?”

“Yes,” Alex laughed. “It also helps if you’ve been throwing up so much your throat is raw. The tea and honey won’t upset your stomach and it will soothe your throat.”

“I hate throwing up.” He’d thrown up from too much drinking and using his powers, neither was fun. 

“Me too, I cry when I throw up, it’s embarrassing.” 

“Well if you’re drunk, puking, and crying, I’ll keep you from drowning in the toilet.”

“Thanks. Quit making me laugh, I keep coughing.”

“At least you know the toilet will be pretty fucking clean if you’re puking in our apartment.”

“I know, right?” Alex ate more soup and wiped his dripping nose. “I can almost breathe.” 

“That’s good. Hot tea will help your nose, too, right?”

“You really never get sick, do you?”

“No, I really don’t. I also never drink hot tea.”

“I only drink it when I’m sick.” Alex finished his soup. “Now I feel extra sleepy.”

Michael took the bowl and spoon. “Do you want to go back to sleep for a while?”

He looked at his phone. “It’s 7:38. If I go to sleep now I’ll wake up at like 3am. I should probably try to stay up for a couple hours.”

“Want to go over the analysis we did for the literary response?”

“God no.” Alex coughed and laughed at Michael’s face. “I couldn’t concentrate on that if my life depended on it.” He coughed some more. “I really don’t feel good enough to do something that uses that many brain cells at once.”

“We could watch a movie or another show.”

“I’d love that but then you’d definitely get sick from being that close to me.”

Michael shook his head. “No I won’t. I really never get sick.”

“We basically snuggle when we watch movies. You’ll directly breathe in my germs.”

“Alex, I don’t get sick. I promise. It’s okay.”

“When was the last time you had a cold?”

“I’ve never had a cold.” _Shit. I didn’t mean to say that._ He hadn’t wanted to lie, though. Alex was kind of the first person he’d ever really loved, and didn’t want lies between them, but._..I didn’t want to deal with this today. _

_“Never?_ You’ve _never_ had a cold?” _Who the hell hasn’t had a cold? _ Alex was surprised, disturbed, and right now? Extremely jealous.

Michael sighed. “I’ve actually never been sick.” _Please Alex, for the love of whatever, leave it there._

“Are you fucking kidding?” _He’s never been ANY kind of sick? Ever? He grew up in foster care and in group homes and he never got sick?_

Alex’s incredulous tone made him laugh. “No, I really have never been sick. Unless you count being hungover.”

“How are you not catching viruses? What about bacteria? Please tell me you’ve had an infected cut or something.” 

Michael tried to breathe. “If I cut myself, I clean it out with alcohol to keep from getting infections, and seem to resist bacteria pretty well. I’ve never had a reaction to an injury bad enough that someone noticed I needed medical attention.”

On the outside, Michael was calmly answering Alex’s questions. Inside, all hell was breaking loose. He had literally _never_ been this terrified. _Never._ He loved Alex, and trusted him as much as he’d ever trusted anyone, but this wasn’t just life or death. This was life or _miserable torturous exploitation followed by death._ This wasn’t _maybe he won’t want to sleep with me now,_ this was potentially being sold to a government lab to spend the rest of his days in a fucking cage. Alex’s dad was an officer in the fucking _Air Force._ All _three_ of his brothers were in the Air Force. _Why the fuck did I ever think this would work? Why did I ever think this would be okay?_

Alex was completely unaware of Michael’s inner turmoil, and was still incredulous and jealous. “How is that possible? I’m healthy, and I still get sick a couple times a year.” _I would love to never get sick. _

Michael felt tears start in his eyes, he was holding onto a maelstrom of panic by his teeth and toenails. This was possibly the worst minute of his admittedly horrible life. “Please,” he choked out. “Please stop.”

“Michael, what’s wrong?” Alex was out of bed faster than he probably would have been if there was a fire. “What’s wrong? Of course you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.” He took Michael’s word for it that he wasn’t going to get sick and put his arms around him. When Michael didn’t relax, he squeezed him before pulling away a little and brushing his hair back. “You don’t have to tell me anything, but I don’t want you to cry.”

“I was just telling the girls that you’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met,” Michael answered thickly. “You really are.” He tried to get ahold of himself. “Let me start with this, and you tell me how much you want to know. I,” he started before his breath caught and he had to force down his terror, “I can’t catch human illnesses.” 

Alex considered that for a minute, looking at Michael. _That’s a significant way to phrase it. Not just illnesses... “Human_ illnesses?”

“That’s what it seems like, I’ve never been sick. Ever. Not a single thing that makes humans sick makes me sick.” _I wish to hell I could get sick, right now, and never have had to have this conversation. _

“Okay.” Alex thought back through their conversations from the last few weeks. Michael didn’t have parents, didn’t know where he was from, had been completely alone in the world. “You don’t remember anything from before you were in foster care when you were seven?”

“No.” _If I could only remember something I wouldn’t fucking be here having this conversation and wondering if my life was going to fucking end at the hands of the person I’m in love with._

“Have you ever had, like, blood tests or anything?”

Michael shook his head. “No.” _Which makes no sense, who doesn’t do blood tests on kids found wandering around the desert alone with no memories? Of course, that would have sent me straight to the lab for live dissection so I guess poor medical practices in Roswell helped me get this far._ Michael was well aware that his mental babbling was probably a sign of a panic attack but he was helpless to stop it.

Alex nodded, even though that really didn’t make a lot of sense. “Where were you before the foster home?”

“I was found on the side of the road with two other kids, naked and mute, outside of Roswell, New Mexico.”

His eyes widened. “You have siblings? Where are they?”

_He jumped to the other kids instead of me being a freak. I wonder what that’s about._ “I have no idea. We were all in a group home. Some adults came in and we were separated. I ended up in a home in Albuquerque. I don’t know where they are now.”

“We were in Roswell at the same time, how interesting.” Alex continued to think. “Did you speak another language?”

“No. Eventually I just started speaking English.”

“So, you’re from Roswell, have no memories, you have telekinesis, and can’t get human viruses and resist infections.” His eyes widened as nebulous thoughts started forming into loose conclusions. “No.” Alex felt a serious freak-out hovering over him, waiting to descend. 

Michael looked into Alex’s kind, innocent, and what he thought were loving, eyes. _If this is how it ends, at least it’s going to end with someone I love. At least I got that._ “Go ahead. Ask.”

It took a minute for Alex’s cold-fogged brain to organize his thoughts into words that would actually make sense together then exit his mouth. Part of him was sure of the answer. Part of him was sure that Michael was going to laugh at him for even thinking it. _I could just not ask, then he’d never have to tell me._ But would that be a good thing? He wanted Michael to trust him, and to love him, and to fall in love with him. _If that secret is just hovering there between us, how can we move forward? I mean, I guess I wouldn’t technically know, and he might be safer, but I don’t know._ Finally Alex decided he was too selfish to go without knowing the answer to his question, and was too in love with Michael to give up a chance for them to be together because they couldn’t trust each other. “Are you an alien?” It sounded really stupid to ask like that. He was on the verge of backtracking when Michael answered.

Michael uttered the single most terrifying syllable of his life. “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER I SUCK muwahahaha!!!!!
> 
> Chapter Title: Fear - Sarah McLaughlin 
> 
> My gift fic to Tasyifa: [Sunlight, Ribbons, and Poetry](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21724633)
> 
> Also! My gift fic from preditorywasp in the Secret Santa is HILARIOUS and ADORABLE and I recommend it! 
> 
> [this isn't the "holiday best friends championship"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21758662)


	13. The First Day of My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late guys! I was supposed to stay home all day and write, and I went out shopping then my sister came over and we played Sims for way too long. I just got the Sims University pack and made this Michael and Alex! It's been so fun making emo Alex lol. I also have the Strangerville pack, and that's Roswell. There are aliens and aliens disguised as humans, and military people, and a suspicious Air Stream someone's living in... That Michael and Alex have the house I made in Lucky! Sorta, since Sims doesn't have quite as many design options as I do in my imagination. I also plan on bringing in their other friends in the university world, so Maria and Zoey are going to happen for sure.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49265520162/in/dateposted-public/)

“How is that even possible?” Alex was pretty sure this kind of thing only happened in fucking Roswell. _Well I guess I’m an extended portion of Roswell._ “When did you start to think you were an _alien?_ Why do you _still_ think you’re an alien?” _Who thinks they’re an alien? _

“I’ve always known I wasn’t like other people,” Michael answered with a sigh. “Always. I always knew that I was entirely different and that I didn’t belong here. I figured I was just weird until I started coming into my powers.”

“Humans have telekinesis.”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “Uh, sure, there are just tons of people out there levitating their vehicles and getting their roommates out of bed.” 

“Okay, that’s fair.” Alex thought quickly. “There had to be something else, though!” 

Michael collapsed into his chair with a thump. _Might as well tell him._ It took a few moments to form the thoughts of that wretched day into coherent sentences. He’d relived that horrible day over and over again - consciously by obsessing and subconsciously in nightmares. “In 7th grade science, we were taking cheek swabs to look at our cells under the microscope. I waited to go last in my group. You can’t really see cheek cells without staining them, and the stain turned a different color on mine. When I looked at the other kids’, they were just like the ones in the book. Mine were _not._ Human cells are just round, they don’t have corners. They squish into each other and make blob shapes. Mine were almost like irregular hexagons.” _How do I sound so fucking calm?_ That day in the fall of 2002 had changed everything he’d ever thought about _anything._ His entire _existence_ had been called into question by a layer of tissue on a rectangle of glass in a middle school classroom. _There was no denying there was no place for me in this world after that. There was no wondering if I’d grow out of feeling weird._ He’d wondered at that point if he even had the _right_ to exist on Earth. And his thoughts and fears had spiraled out of control: what if someone found out? What would he have to do? What would they do to him? Did he need to worry about his DNA? Should he start freaking out about the hair in his hairbrush? And holy fuck, the other kids, if the government found _him,_ could they find them and hurt them, too? The utter terror and panic that he’d felt had been obvious to his classmates, and his teacher had sent him to the nurse’s office. He hadn’t been able to talk to the health aide, and she’d just had him lie down on one of the benches until he could get up. He’d lost time; it had seemed like a minute when it was hours later and his foster mom was there picking him up after a call home. _I will never forget how annoyed she was that she had to skip her yoga class to get me. My entire fucking life had just self-destructed and I wasn’t sure I had a right to be on this planet, and she was mad that she missed yoga. Fuck Kim. I hope she falls on a yoga mat and breaks a nail. _

Alex collapsed with a similar thump. This was, certifiably, a big fucking deal and he wasn’t quite sure how to process what he’d just heard. “Holy fuck. What did you do?”

“I lost control and cracked the slide mentally. I pulled it out quickly and dropped it on the floor to shatter it.”

“Oh, good idea.”

That startled a laugh out of him. “‘Good idea?’”

“Well, yah,” Alex replied. “I mean, even if your cells weren’t different enough to be nonhuman, what 7th grader wants to have everyone staring at how they’re different?” 

“I hadn’t thought about it that way.” 

“What did you do after that?”

Michael laughed humorlessly and wiped at his fresh tears. “I didn’t talk to anyone for months. I analyzed every single thing I did to try to see the ways I was just like other people. I was obsessed with my past. I watched shows about aliens on TV to see if anything jogged my memory. There’s nothing. Just nothing. My family at the time tried putting me in therapy but I wouldn’t talk to the therapist either. They sent me to another home, I was in Santa Fe for about a year. That’s where I got the scars on my back, and this burn on my arm.” He showed Alex the mostly faded burn in the shape of a cross. “They tried to exorcise my demons.” 

Alex started crying. “Oh god, Michael.” He jumped out of his chair to throw himself at the other boy, only to get a startled shout in response and Michael blocking him with both hands raised in defense. He pulled back and lost his balance, falling backward onto his butt on the floor. He was hurt and horrified that Michael thought he’d _attack_ him. “Oh god, Michael, I’m sorry, I--”

Thoughts caught up to actions and Michael realized he’d knocked Alex on his ass when he’d tried to to give him _a hug. Oh fuck. Adrenaline sucks._ “Alex, fuck, I’m sorry.” He dropped onto the floor in front of him and gathered him up in his arms. “I’m sorry.” _He was trying to comfort me and I threw him on the floor._ They just held each other crying for a little while, both of them overwhelmed with the level of sheer, unadulterated trauma Michael had experienced. He tried to never think about it, and hadn’t planned to let Alex hear it laid out like that, he’d known it would upset him. Arching over everything, though, was that Alex now knew he wasn’t human, and his only reaction was to cuddle him because he’d been hurt years ago. Michael tried to control his tears. “Do you believe me?” _Please say you believe me and you’re not crying because you think I’m insane. Or you’re trying to decide if you should call your dad and it’s ripping you apart. _

_How can I not, with that much evidence? How can I not, when it’s costing him everything to tell me this? How can I not, when he’s sharing the deepest secret of his life?_ “Yes.”

“Seriously?” Michael choked out, still surprised with the answer.

“If anyone’s going to believe that you’re an alien, it’s going to be another outcast from Roswell.”

“And you don’t care?” That had been one of Michael’s biggest fears, actually, that Alex would turn away from him. Or he’d be what destroyed him, that was even worse. There were a million other reasons he was scared as fuck about life in general and this in particular, but the thought of losing Alex had been really painful and really close to the surface. 

“Of course not.” _God no, I love you like there’s no tomorrow._ It didn’t matter one iota to Alex if Michael was technically a different species. _They sleep with all sorts of humanoids on Star Trek and it’s not weird. I guess Captain Kirk can be my role model. _

Relief made Michael go weak. “Oh thank god.”

“Does anyone know besides the other kids?”

“No. God, what would happen if the government found out?” _My biggest fucking fear._ “The US government tortures _humans_ to get information out of them, what would they do to an _alien?”_ Michael shuddered. “There are so many reasons why that would be worse than bad.” _Oh fuck so many reasons._ He decided to stop thinking about it for that second.

“There’s no way that could be good.” Alex had to pull away and turn his head so he could cough. “I’m sorry, coughing isn’t very supportive.”

“It’s okay, you’re sick and fragile,” Michael teased with a teary smile. _Alex isn’t leaving me. Alex isn’t leaving me and he’s still just holding me because he’s upset for me. Alex is staying with me and I have a chance to love him for the rest of my life and fuck. Alex isn’t leaving me._ He grabbed the Kleenex from Alex’s bed with his powers and handed it to him. “Wipe your nose.” He took a tissue and wiped his own. 

“I’m just a conglomeration of sexy problems right now.”

“Let’s get off the floor, we can talk on a bed.”

“Good idea, the floor is cold.” Alex waited for Michael to stand up and held out his hand. “Help me up, I’m sick and fragile.”

Michael laughed and gently surrounded Alex with energy to lift him onto his bed. “There.”

“You’re so cool.”

He laughed at pulled himself up on the bed to sit with Alex. “No one has ever accused me of being cool.”

“Yah me either.” Alex waited while Michael settled against the wall before scooting next to him and dropping his head on his shoulder. “Crying with a cold is a terrible idea.”

“Sorry.” He wasn’t sure it would be okay, but he put his arm around Alex’s shoulders, and smiled when he leaned into him. “I’ll try not to make you cry when you’re sick going forward.”

“Thanks.” _He’s holding me when we’re not asleep._ “Can I ask you more questions?”

“Sure.” _As long as you keep snuggling with me instead of running away. _

“Do you think you were born here?”

“I don’t think so. I have a really vague memory of waking up in a, like, bubble or egg or pod, and it letting me out at the same time as the other two. I sorta think of it as hatching.”

“Hatching, huh? Are you actually a dinosaur?” he teased with a chuckle. 

“You know, I don’t think so,” Michael laughed.

“So if you weren’t born here, when did you come to Earth?”

“Well, considering I hatched in an abandoned mine near Roswell, I’m assuming 1947.”

Alex turned his head to look at him. “You look really good for 68.” 

“I’m pretty sure the pods were either keeping us in stasis, so we were about seven when we went in, or we were in a long gestation and hatched when we were mature enough.”

“That makes sense in relation to all the sci fi shows and movies I’ve watched.”

“Really? People have thought about this shit before?” _Mind. Blown._ “There are pods on spaceships? 

“Mhm. Even ships that can move faster than lightspeed take years and years to travel between star systems. A lot of times the people on the ship are in stasis.”

“That’s...I don’t know what that is. I thought my mind was blown a minute ago but now it’s really obliterated.”

Alex laughed and coughed before wiping his nose again. “Do you think there are any other survivors out there? Besides the other two kids.”

“I don’t know, they’d be really old by now. Obviously someone moved the pods somewhere safe. There could be other pods, I have no idea.” Michael sighed. “I used to daydream about going into an old mine and finding my parents, sleeping, waiting for me to wake them up.” There wasn’t a lot more painful for Michael to consider than the idea that his parents were out there waiting for him and he’d never be able to find them.

“You could come to Roswell with me, we could look.”

Michael just stared at him for a second. He’d never once considered that there was even a remote possibility of finding anyone else like him, not even the other two kids. He’d never thought there was a chance of going and actively looking for the pods of other survivors. _I just told Alex something that should have sent him running for the hills and instead he’s trying to find ways to reunite me with my family._ Granted, things went wrong for Michael way more often than right, and it probably wouldn’t work out, but that Alex wanted to help him...he was almost overwhelmed by how much he loved him in that moment. “That’s...that’s actually a really cool idea.”

“You might meet the other two kids, do you think you’d recognize them?”

“I don’t know, I want to believe that we have a psychic connection and we’d just _know._ But that could be wishful thinking. I don’t even know if they’re in Roswell. I got shipped out and never sent back.” _Fuck, what if I meet them, and I don’t even know it’s them? It’s not like I can just introduce myself as an alien._

“That’s a good point.” Alex wiped his nose, thinking briefly about his mother ‘shipping out’ and never getting back to Roswell. “What did they look like when you were all seven? _How_ did they know you were seven?”

“One of them was a girl, she had long blonde hair, and the other one was a boy with brown hair, but I can’t really remember a lot of specifics. I think the girl had a mole on her nose? But I’m not sure.” Michael strained to remember their faces, but couldn’t tell how much was memory and how much was daydreaming. “They decided we were seven based on height, weight, and tooth development.”

“Huh.” Alex thought for a minute. “What do you use as your birthday on paperwork and stuff?”

“The day I was found, April 25th. Year 1990.” 

“I wonder if there are any kids that have that birthday that I went to school with? I don’t remember anyone showing up without parents in elementary school, so I don’t know.”

“I don’t know, if they could stay in Roswell, why couldn’t I?”

Alex shook his head. “Foster care makes no sense.”

“That’s the understatement of the millennium.”

They were quiet for a few minutes. “I hope we can find them someday.”

“Me too.”

“You know, that part of New Mexico is full of reservations. If survivors wanted to hide, they could definitely do it there, right under the government’s nose. I used to wonder if that’s where my mom went, but I lost hope a while ago.”

Michael squeezed Alex. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Alex smiled when he felt Michael kiss the top of his head. _Too bad a raging cold is not how I want our first kiss to happen, or I’d kiss him right now._ “I know you think I’m sweet, but you are, too.”

“Only to you, I give DeLuca so much shit she’ll never realize I’m secretly a decent person.”

“Stop making me laugh!” Alex pulled away to cough, then he had to blow his nose. “So much snot. Do you ever have to blow your nose?”

“Yah, if it’s dusty and I’m sneezing. I have snot.” Michael laughed and held out the Kleenex he was currently using. “All of my bodily fluids are the same colors as humans.”

“Oh, that’s good. But you’ve never been sick enough to cough up green snot so you’re lucky.”

“Dude, that’s fucking gross.”

“It is. That’s when it’s doctor time, it’s an infection not a cold.” Alex coughed some more. “I wonder if you could still get pneumonia? Sometimes that’s caused by choking on puke and breathing it.”

“Your conversation topics are pure sexiness tonight.” Michael waited while Alex laughed and coughed. “I don’t know about that. I’m assuming it’s outside bacteria from breathing that causes the infection in the lungs, and the mucus kinda incubates the germs? Outside germs don’t seem to impact me as much as other people. But there’d have to be complications from having shit in my lungs.”

“Yah, and human antibiotics probably wouldn’t do anything, and might actually make you sicker.”

“I really hope I never have to find this out.”

“Don’t drink so much that you puke, that’s probably the way to go.”

“Damn it. We’re so bad at being college students.” He kissed Alex’s hair again. “Still wanna watch a movie? Then you can email your professors that you’re not going to class tomorrow.”

“I have a variety of alien movies for your viewing pleasure.” Alex grinned when Michael groaned. “I know, why don’t we start watching _Star Trek?_ It’s going to be hilariously dated for you, but it’s a cool show. There are a lot of different series and a bunch of movies. I have them all.”

“Will I regret this?”

“No, everyone loves Star Trek. But I can guarantee nothing about the show will jog your memory, it’s kinda ridiculous how many aliens are scantily clad women.”

Michael laughed. “Great.” Michael pictured Alex’s desk, where his laptop was sitting on the top with nothing on top if it. He focused, and carefully brought it up to the bed. “I can only do that because I know exactly how your desk looks.”

“That’s so fucking cool.”

“You’re so easily impressed.”

“Shut up.” Alex opened the lid of the laptop and powered it on. “I love _Star Trek._ The later series are better and more relevant, but you have to watch the original series before you branch out into those.”

“Gotcha. What the hell is your wallpaper?”

Alex minimized the window he’d just opened. “I downloaded it. It’s from the animation studio of the first movie we watched. This is from _Princess Mononoke.”_ He was glad he’d changed it, it had been a picture of him and Michael together. 

“You’re such a nerd.”

“Yep.”

They made it through the first three episodes before Alex couldn’t keep his eyes open. As predicted, Michael had loved _Star Trek_ and found the premise fascinating even if it was relatively implausible. “I have to sleep. I need to take medicine and sleep.” 

“Yah. Here, let me take the computer.”

“Crap, Michael, I have your blanket.”

“And you’ll be cold without it.” Michael considered that for a minute. “I could sleep with you, I don’t mind.” He gave Alex a crooked smile. “My body temperature is about 107 so you should be plenty toasty.” 

“I wondered why I was so warm when we woke up together. I thought it was just because I’m not used to sharing a bed.”

“Nope, I’m just flamin’ hot.” 

Alex laughed and carefully climbed out of bed to use the bathroom. “You don’t have to go to bed right now, I’ll fall back asleep after you get in.”

“No, after all that, I kinda just wanna lay down.”

“Okay.”

They traded places in the bathroom and Michael put on some of Alex’s pajamas. They piled all the pillows on Alex’s bed and crawled under the covers.

“I’ll cough on you if we face each other.”

“Turn over.” 

Alex turned on his left side, and sighed happily when Michael cuddled up to his back and put an arm around him. “I’m definitely going to be warm enough now.”

Michael laughed softly. “I live but to serve, my liege.”

“Oh god,” Alex laughed before he started coughing. “Shut up.” He moved back a little from the edge of the bed, and Michael tightened his arm around him. _This is heaven. This is what heaven feels like. It’s being warm in Michael’s arms._

It took both of them a while to wind down and relax, but laying down together was about as relaxing as either one of them could imagine. Michael was amazed that Alex was still so comfortable with him that he’d wanted to sleep together. _He absolutely gives no fucks that I’m not human. How is that even possible? He acts like nothing changed._ Discovering that your not-quite-a-boyfriend was an alien should have had more of an impact on Alex and his emotions. _I wonder if it’s because he’s so sick, and after he sleeps and feels better tomorrow, he’ll think about it more? Like, it hasn’t sunk in yet?_ That was a real possibility. He still didn’t think Alex would reject him, not after all of the very real affection he’d shown him, but wondered if things would be weird. At least for a little while.

But what if it wasn’t?

_He knows now. He knows that I’m an alien and that I have psychic abilities. He knows my secrets and he says he’ll never tell._ He actually did believe that Alex wouldn’t tell. If he wouldn’t even tell _Maria,_ he wasn’t going to tell _anyone._ Alex was the kind of person who had a few close friends, not a huge group of casual friends. _Is there any reason we can’t date? Is there any reason now that I can’t just love him?_ He stopped himself from thinking about how much he wanted to kiss Alex since they were in a position that would make his interest pretty obvious. _Fuck I love him, I want to sleep with him like this every night, I want to walk around holding his hand, I want him to know how much I care about him. I want him to know how much I need him. If I can spend the rest of my life with him, I’m going to._ But was Alex ready for a relationship? They’d come pretty close to kissing the other night, and he’d been afraid it was too soon, but fuck if it hadn’t been tempting. But did Alex need more time to really absorb that he wasn’t human? Sometimes it took a while for people to really understand something shocking. _He’s probably never been kissed, I want that to be perfect. And if we rush it, everything might get fucked up. I can’t mess up with him, I can’t lose him._ Michael was pretty sure that would break him, and he’d never recover. _When Mimi read my palm and said I’d have one true love my whole life, did she already know it was Alex? I bet she did._ There was no way it _wasn’t_ Alex. _This was fucking love at first sight,_ Michael mused. He’d reacted to Alex almost immediately. He hadn’t realized it was love at first, but he’d really loved him since the day they’d met. _It’s like we were just meant to be, like something cosmic. _

Alex’s body was relaxed, and Michael was sure he was asleep. He took the opportunity to kiss his hair and cuddle closer. _Love you so much, Alex._ He fell asleep content to hold this boy he loved in his sleep, taking and giving comfort at the same time, and hoping that it never ended.

***

Michael woke up before his alarm to Alex trying to get out of bed. “What’s wrong?” The memories of the previous night flooded in and Michael realized there were a million things to choose from that could be wrong. _Oh, oh fuck._ Panic was starting to rise. “Alex?”

He held up his hand to let Michael know he’d heard him while he coughed. When he could finally pull air into his lungs, he gasped out, “Bathroom.”

“Here, I’ll get you down.” Forcing himself to calm the fuck down, Michael very carefully scooped Alex up and set him on the floor. 

“Thank you,” Alex croaked before wobbling to the bathroom. He felt so much worse than he had before they’d gone to bed. Using the bathroom wore him out completely and he barely made it back into the bedroom. “I’m so sick.” He was thirsty and knew he needed to stay hydrated so he got out water. _I can’t swallow more warm blue Gatorade, I’ll puke._

“Want me to get you some more Nyquil?” Michael sat up. “Do you want to take your temp again?”

Alex shook his head. “It won’t be accurate, I just gulped down cold water. I can get some Nyquil, you don’t have to get up.”

“Well, my bladder is up, so I have to be.” Michael dropped off the side of the bed.

While he was in the bathroom, Alex attempted to get more Nyquil, but gave up and just held the package out mutely when Michael walked back in. 

“That’s possibly the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen,” Michael teased, taking the medicine from him. After a few tries he grabbed the scissors off of Alex’s desk to get the pills. “Jesus fucking christ.”

“I know,” Alex agreed before coughing again. “I feel so much worse.” He took the big gel caps from Michael and forced himself to swallow them down with more water. “It’s cruel to make someone with a sore throat swallow pills that big.”

“I could have gotten the liquid, I didn’t think about it.”

He shook his head. “No, it tastes too bad, I can’t stand it.”

Michael looked at his phone. “Oh, it’s not as late as I thought.” It was 3:18.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.” 

In the dim light of Alex’s desk lamp, he looked absolutely pitiful, and Michael couldn’t _not_ wrap his arms around him. “It’s okay. Let’s get back in bed. Want me to help you?”

Alex nodded against his shoulder where his face was pressed against Michael’s neck. He stepped back when Michael put pressure on his arms. “I know I’ve been sicker than this, but I can’t remember it right now.”

“You probably didn’t have a bunk bed to get into either.” Michael moved away so that he could lift Alex onto the lofted mattress. “Did you put on weight?”

“Fuck you,” Alex laughed quietly before he started coughing again. “Asshole.”

Michael waited for Alex to get settled before climbing back up. He’d moved closer to the wall, so Michael assumed he wanted to be on the inside. “Don’t want to fall out of bed?” He got under the blankets facing the other boy. 

“You have to get up in a couple hours. And I don’t want to fall out of bed.” Alex planned on turning over, but just nestled into Michael’s arms for a few minutes. 

They were quiet for a little while before Michael said, “I was afraid you were running away.”

“Huh?” Alex was momentarily confused. “Oh, when I got up?” 

“Yah.”

Alex was still confused for a minute before he remembered why Michael might think that. “Oh, you thought, because you, no, Michael,” Alex stopped to cough, “No, no I won’t run away.” He tried to breathe for a second. “You’re still you. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Well, right now you probably couldn’t get too far anyway.”

“I know, right?” Alex was starting to feel warm and floaty. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“Any time, baby.” _Crap._

Alex hummed happily, acknowledging that Michael had said something, before falling asleep.

Michael held still for a second, but it was clear that Alex had passed out without noticing the endearment. _I’ve got to stop thinking of him as my boyfriend until he actually is my boyfriend, or I’m going to keep saying stupid shit._ It felt good to have Alex in his arms, though, and it felt good to call him ‘baby,’ and it felt good to lay in a narrow bed with too many blankets and pillows and listen to him try to breathe. _Because I am absolutely head over heels for you, Alexander Kai Manes. At no other time is listening to someone’s nose whistle endearing. _

When Michael’s alarm went off, they were still wrapped around each other, and he couldn’t help but laugh at the pitiful whimper Alex let out at the sound. “Hang on,” he mumbled, feeling around under the pillow for his phone. “There. We can snooze once.” When Alex made a whiny noise, he laughed again, and kissed his forehead. “Drama queen.”

It took Alex a minute to realize Michael had kissed his forehead, and he smiled, feeling loved. He was having a hard time holding onto thoughts. _I think I’m really sick._ “I feel terrible.”

“You’re really hot, but I don’t know if that’s just because you’ve been up against me all night.” _Which was really nice, even if I think you drooled on me. Again._ “We should take your temperature.”

Alex nodded. His head felt like it was full of sticky cotton balls instead of grey matter. He whined when Michael moved away, instantly cold, but it turned into a little laugh at his own behavior when Michael chuckled. That turned into coughing, though, and he thought his head might explode. “I don’t think this is just a cold,” he croaked out, breathless. 

“No?” Michael dropped off the side of the bed carefully, and found the thermometer on Alex’s desk. “What do you think it is?”

“Probably the flu.” He took the thermometer from Michael, turned it on, and put it under his tongue. The look of concern on Michael’s face made him want to smile, but obviously he couldn’t. When it beeped, he pulled it out. “102.2. I’m really sick.”

“Is that dangerous?” _I know fuck all about human illnesses._

“Huh uh,” Alex coughed. “It’s high but I’m not going to die. I just want to.”

“Do you need to go to the doctor?”

He shook his head, and regretted it. “It’s a virus, just have to wait it out.”

Michael was still concerned, but if Alex said there was nothing he could do, what could he do? “Is it okay for me to go to class today? Do you want me to stay home?”

“Oh my god, no, Michael, go to class.” Alex coughed and waved him away. “I’m not dying.” 

“If you’re sure.” He watched Alex try to move. “Want me to get you down?”

Alex shook his head. “No, I’m awake enough to get down, you can’t wear yourself out moving me around.” He shifted to the end of the bed and climbed down while Michael watched. “Really, I’m okay.” _I just want to die. I won’t actually die. Hopefully._

“I really don’t believe you, but I’ll have to take your word for it.”

Alex used the bathroom and got more medicine while Michael was getting ready. He was coordinated enough to use the scissors to get out more Nyquil. He watched Michael as he moved around the room, just happy to have someone who gave a fuck about him around while he was sick. He sipped water, hating how the cold liquid felt on his raw throat, and wanting a hot beverage. “Would you still get me tea later?” 

“Yah, of course.” Michael packed his backpack with everything he’d need, and grabbed PopTarts. “Get back in bed, you look like you’re going to collapse.”

“I feel that way.” 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to lift you into bed?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “No, I can get in bed. Go to class, stop worrying about me.” To prove his point, he forced himself to climb up the ladder and get in bed. “Horizontal is so much better than vertical.”

“Do you have your phone?” Michael watched Alex feel around on the bed then hold the device in the air. “If you need anything, text me.”

“I’ll be _fine,”_ Alex groused. “I’m just going to sleep. Take notes for me in music appreciation.”

“Of course. See you later.”

He waited until Michael was gone to indulge in some self-pitying whining. _I really am very sick,_ Alex thought to himself. _Like, really sick. I wonder if there’s anything that makes this go way faster?_ He was too sick to think about Googling it, and just flopped over, wishing he could breathe. 

He must have fallen asleep, because sunlight was coming in the cracked blinds when his phone chiming woke him up. He tried to focus his bleary eyes on it, and saw that it was after 11am.

_Maria: Are you dead?_

_Alex: I wish_

_Alex: I want to breathe_

_Alex: Or die _

_Maria: Drama queen. It’s just a cold!_

_Alex: No its the flu my temp is 102_

_Alex: Im really sick_

_Maria: Shit. Do you need anything?_

_Alex: Is there anything that makes it go away faster_

_Maria: Not unless you go to the doctor and get a prescription, and that only kinda works._

Alex listened to himself make more whiny noises and wheeze. 

_Alex: I guess I’ll just die_

_ Maria: Drama. Queen. 👑_

_ Maria: I’ll bring you my tiara._

_ Alex: Fuck you _

Alex switched to his thread with Michael. 

_Alex: I havent died yet_

_ Alex: How was class_

_ Alex: Maria says I’m a drama queen_

He watched the dots for a second.

_Michael: You’re legit sick. Not a drama queen._

_ Alex: Thank you_

_ Michael: But I bet you sound really dramatic in your texts. Because you always do._

_ Alex: Rude_

_ Alex: But your probly right_

_ Michael: *You’re *Probably_

_ Alex: Fuck you Im sick and fragile_

_ Michael: Are you feeling any better?_

_ Alex: Not really_

_ Alex: Ill probly miss class fri too_

_ Michael: PROBABLY a good idea._

_ Michael: Need anything besides the tea and honey?_

_ Alex: Idk more gatorade maybe_

_ Michael: Okay. _

_ Michael: Class is going to start. Go back to sleep. _

_ Alex: 😷 💤 _

Alex actually decided to get up for a little while, he’d been asleep for hours and was stiff from not moving. “I wish I could take a bath.” He decided a shower would have to do; being clean and breathing steam might help him feel better and maybe even clear his nose a little. He took some Dayquil, with the assistance of his scissors again, and decided it had been a long time since he felt this shitty.

He stood under the water as long as he could, enjoying the heat and the ability to breathe through his nose temporarily. He put on pajamas and one of Michael’s shirts again, deciding that if he was willing to snuggle with him all night so he could use his blanket, he wouldn’t mind him stealing this very soft blue t-shirt. 

“I’m kinda hungry,” he murmured to himself. Soup sounded like a lot of effort, since in the drama of the previous night the bowl hadn’t gotten washed and Alex really didn’t have the energy to do it. Michael had a new box of PopTarts, though, brown sugar and cinnamon, so he stole some. A banana would probably be healthier, but PopTarts sounded a lot tastier right now.

Eventually he propped himself up against all of the pillows with his laptop to watch mindless shows on Netflix. There wasn’t that much on there that he was interested in, but all of the Discovery dinosaur shows were available, so he started watching them. They were set up for a zillion commercial breaks and it was really annoying, but not annoying enough to be worth the effort of watching something else. He could see that Flint had been watching _Arrested Development_ and Evan was watching _Friends_ and _Forensic Files,_ which seemed like a funny combination. Chris was still watching war documentaries. _Isn’t he in Iraq? You’d think that was enough war._ He decided randomly to text him.

_Alex: Chris are you in Iraq still_

_Alex: Why are you watching all these war shows_

_Alex: Isn’t that enough war_

He wasn’t expecting a response because of the time difference, but he got one almost immediately.

_Chris: I’m in Germany. Injured. Out of the field for at least 8 weeks._

“Oh fuck.”

_Alex: Fuck are you okay_

_Alex: What happened_

_Alex: Dad didnt tell me _

_Chris: I didn’t tell Dad. Broken wrist and arm. Burns. Cracked ribs._

_Chris: Pretty minor. But I’m in the hospital. _

“Shit.” Alex typically forgot that his brothers were doing things that could get them killed. Even if they’d been assholes to him sometimes, they were still his brothers, and he didn’t want them to get hurt or die. Toward the end, Evan had been trying to distract their dad from beating Alex within an inch of his life all the time.

_Alex: Fuck I’m glad its not worse_

_ Alex: Did you tell Evan and Flint_

_ Chris: No. Didn’t tell anyone. Too much drama._

Alex wasn’t sure how it would be drama, but all he could assume was that their dad would berate Chris for getting hurt, even though it wasn’t his fault, it was a fucking war zone. If no one knew, no one could slip up and mention it to Jesse. 

_Alex: I wont tell anyone_

_ Chris: Thanks bro. How are you?_

_ Alex: I have the flu _

_ Alex: I was feeling sorry for myself but youre actually hurt_

_ Alex: I’m a baby_

He waited a little while for Chris to respond.

_Chris: You’re not a baby. The flu is bad news. Is anyone helping you?_

“That’s unexpected.” He’d assumed all of his brothers thought he was a baby.

_Alex: My roommate hes really cool_

_ Alex: We clicked right away_

_ Alex: Hes my best friend_

“Stop gushing, jeez.”

_Chris: That’s good. The last time I had the flu I had a girlfriend. She said I was a baby._

_ Alex: Women think men are babies about being sick_

_ Chris: They’re probably right. Women are tough._

When had Chris developed respect for women? _I guess stranger things have happened._

_ Alex: They are_

_ Alex: Liz and Maria described cramps to me_

_ Alex: I’m glad I’m male_

_ Chris: All your friends are girls. You probably know too much about cramps._

_Alex: Hey Michael is a guy I have 1 guy friend_

_Alex: Not my fault Kyle decided to hate me in 8th grade_

“Fuck, shouldn’t have said that. Here comes queer bashing.”

_Chris: Valenti was an asshole to you. You didn’t do anything._

That was unexpected.

_Chris: You didn’t choose to be gay. He chose to be a dick._

Alex actually dropped his phone. “Did Chris just say something _nice_ to me? Did he just accept that I’m gay?”

_Alex: Thank you _

_ Alex: I didnt expect that_

_ Chris: War changes how you think about things._

_ Chris: Gives you a different perspective on what’s right and wrong._

_ Alex: I believe that_

_ Alex: Me being gay wont kill anyone_

_ Chris: Exactly. It doesn’t stop soldiers from doing their jobs either._

“Whoa.”

_Chris: Being straight doesn’t ensure the job gets done._

This was a strangely philosophical and liberal conversation to have with his brother. “Dude, war does change people.”

_Alex: I still didnt want to enlist _

_Alex: DADT is a thing_

_ Alex: I dont want to go to war_

_ Chris: I don’t blame you. Military life isn’t for everyone. You had another option. _

_ Chris: I think we all just wanted to get out. _

_ Alex: Youre right_

_ Alex: I dont plan to go home_

_ Chris: That’s why I take leave with my friends instead of in Roswell._

_ Chris: Flint was in NC for a month with his girlfriend last year and told no one._

_ Alex: Flint has a gf?_

_ Chris: For 5 years._

_ Alex: WTF_

_ Alex: Who likes Flint that much _

_ Chris: 😂_

_ Chris: I wondered that myself. She’s hot too. _

_ Alex: Whoa no way_

_ Chris: He’s in Baghdad right now and can’t text. I don’t have a picture. But I’ve met her._

_ Chris: I guarantee she’s hot. Blonde. Curvy. Green eyes. Freckles. Smarter than him._

_ Alex: Thats not hard _

_ Chris: For fucking real._

“I have never had this much fun texting with one of my brothers,” Alex mused. “I wonder if Flint and Evan have decided not to hate me for being gay?”

_Chris: Nurse is here to give me meds and put me to bed._

_ Chris: Talk later bro._

_ Alex: Night_

“That had to be the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had with Chris.”

Alex had dozed off with Netflix still going when Michael let himself into the room, waking him up. “Hey.”

“How are you feeling?” Michael looked up at Alex. “You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” he croaked, laughing and coughing. “At least I took a shower.”

“Oh good, I could smell you when I left.”

“Really?” _Oh fuck, did I like sweat a lot or something? Why did he sleep with me?_

“No, not really,” Michael laughed. “You still smelled like shampoo when I woke up.”

“Oh, thank god,” Alex sighed before coughing. “My nose is useless, I have no way of knowing if I smell.”

Michael pulled his phone and wallet out of his pockets and set them on the desk. “Music appreciation was pretty dry today, I took notes, you’ll have no problem with it.”

“Oh good. I hope Maria took good notes in history.”

Without actually thinking about it, he climbed up on Alex’s bed to sit with him. “Did you do anything besides sleep and shower while I was gone?”

“Yah, actually.” Alex held up his phone. “I texted my brother to find out why he’s watching WWII shows while he’s in an actual war zone, and he’s actually in the hospital in Germany. I never think about how my brothers might die any time, and it was sort of upsetting.”

“Oh, fuck, what happened? Will he be okay?”

Alex nodded. “Yah, he has burns, a broken arm and wrist, and cracked ribs. I didn’t ask him how it happened, though. I didn’t want him to have to talk about it if he’s not ready.”

“That’s very sweet of you.”

He shrugged. “Military family. You learn that telling what happened is like reliving it happening. He’s probably getting therapy for it, if he was ready to talk about it, he would have offered the information.” Alex took a break to cough and drink some water. “People he knows are probably worse off than him. And there are probably people he cares about who are dead.”

“Which brother were you talking to?”

“Chris. Second oldest.” Alex wiped his nose, but couldn’t help smiling. “He had the revelation that being gay isn’t the source of all evil, and told me I ‘didn’t choose to be gay’ and Kyle shouldn’t have bullied me.” He laughed a little. “I wish I wasn’t sick so I could really enjoy one of my brothers not hating me.”

“Why do you think he changed his mind? How did that even come up in conversation?”

“War. He has a new appreciation of good and evil. We were talking about how women think men are babies about being sick, and I mentioned that I actually have a guy friend now and it wasn’t my ‘fault’ that Kyle was a dick to me.” He coughed more, still relatively elated despite his physical misery. “He even said that being gay doesn’t stop people from being good soldiers.”

“Whoa, really? Isn’t that a really big turnaround for him?”

“Well, Flint is the biggest homophobe, but it’s a huge turnaround for any of them.”

“Flint wasn’t even at home, was he?”

“No, he moved out when I was 8, but he made sure everyone knew what an asshole he was by text, email, and MySpace.”

“What’s MySpace?”

“It’s what everyone used before Facebook.”

“Huh, I didn’t know there was a pre-Facebook lame social media site.”

“It didn’t seem lame at the time. I learned a lot of CSS and HTML for designing MySpace themes. If you want me to design a webpage for you, let me know.”

“You can do that?” Michael just looked at him. “Isn’t that something people go to school to learn?”

“Yah, but all the resources for learning web design are out there, if you’re a self-motivated learner, you don’t need to go to school for it.” Alex wiped his nose. “I have Photoshop, so I can make simple graphics and stuff. I have an account on an anime forum that I make layouts for. I made one for Maria’s fashion blog.”

“Just when I think I know you, you drop a bombshell like that. You could do _that_ for a job next year.”

“I guess I could,” Alex answered, surprised. “I forgot that freelance web design was an actual paid job.”

“I’ll build cars, you can build webpages, we’ll be able to afford an apartment and an XBox.”

Alex laughed. “That sounds awesome.” He coughed some more, and grabbed a Kleenex to blow his nose. “It’s not even hard to build webpages, really. I was learning Java over the summer just because.”

“I have no idea what that is.”

“It’s what makes a lot of stuff on webpages move. Java and Flash are what make a lot of interactive animation work. I don’t have the software to work with Flash yet.”

“Why do you want to do programming when you could make money doing web design?”

“Because literally anyone can do web design,” Alex answered. “As we have seen, since I did all of that stuff as a high school student. Sending rockets into space and hacking government databases requires a lot more skill and training. I want to do something that’s actually hard.”

“Huh.” Michael thought about that for a minute. “I can respect that.”

“You could be a mechanic and make a comfortable living just fine without school, but you’re becoming an engineer so you can send rockets into space. You’re doing the same thing.”

“I...never thought of it that way.” _Do I do the hardest thing possible for my abilities every time? Yes. Yes, I do._ “You’re right, I always want to do the hardest thing. It doesn’t seem right to take the cop out option. I can do more than just fix cars.”

“And I can do more than just build websites.” He coughed some more. “Well, not right now.”

“Do you want a cough drop? Where are they?”

“I have no idea.” He looked at his phone. “It’s almost 2, did you eat lunch? You can’t starve because I’m sick.”

Michael was hanging off the edge of the bed to look for the cough drops. “No, I thought I’d get something when I went to get your tea.”

“Oh, okay.”

“I’m going to have to actually get off the bed to look for your cough drops.” 

“It’s okay, I’ll survive. Stop worrying about it.”

Michael sat up straight and looked at Alex. He looked like ass. “You’re really sick. Like, _really_ sick. Let me find the cough drops for you.”

Alex sorta flopped against the pillows. “Okay.” It was really nice to have someone care about him this much. “But let’s look through the bed first. No need to get down if you don’t have to.” _I certainly won’t argue with you being in bed with me._

They moved the blankets around without finding them, so Michael dropped down off the side of the bed to look around the room. “They’re on the floor. You must have knocked them off your desk when you got your computer.”

“That sounds like something I’d do.” Alex took the bag of cough drops out of the air when it appeared in front of his face. “That never gets old.”

“It really doesn’t.” Michael grabbed his wallet and phone. “I’ll go get your tea and honey. I know nothing about tea.”

“If you go to Target, they have a store brand organic green tea that’s good.”

“Anything I should know about honey?”

“It has to come in a bottle shaped like a bear or it won’t taste good.”

Michael sputtered with laughter. “Oh, really?”

“This has been proven by scientists.” 

“Oh, has it?” Michael laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.” _He’s so cute. I wonder if I’ll think bear-shaped honey is still endearing when we’ve been married for 20 years._ “Any requests for your tea cup?”

“Just big and not girly. I’m gay, but I don’t need unicorns or flowers or anything.”

“Black it is.” 

“You know me so well.”

“Be back in a minute.” Michael just barely managed to keep from adding ‘baby’ to that sentence. 

“Bye. Thank you so much.” _Sweetheart._

Alex started to miss Michael as soon as he left. “I’m so pathetic.” He decided to text Maria about how pathetic he was.

_Alex: Still sick_

_ Alex: Michael went to get me tea and honey_

_ Alex: I miss him its been 15 seconds_

He didn’t think she’d answer, she had dance classes on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, but she actually replied right away.

_Maria: Michael is too nice._

_ Alex: He really is_

_ Maria: He’s very sweet. And you don’t think he likes you._

_ Alex: He slept with me last night so id be warm_

_ Maria: WTF ALEX HE LOVES YOU_

_ Maria: Like, seriously, who does that? You probably coughed and snotted all over him._

_ Alex: I know I’m so gross rn_

_ Alex: He got back in bed w/me just now when he came back from class_

_ Maria: ALEX HE FUCKING LOVES YOU_

_ Alex: Right now I think that _

_ Alex: But when hes with other people I wonder if he likes them more_

_ Maria: We’ve got to work on your confidence boy._

_ Maria: One of us needs to have a successful love life._

_ Alex: Is there someone you like_

_ Alex: Does he not like you back_

_ Maria: He flirts with me but won’t let it get past flirting, I think he’s into someone else._

_ Maria: I see him every day and it’s annoying. _

_ Alex: Is it someone I know_

_ Alex: I can talk to him_

_ Maria: No you cannot talk to him. I’m a big girl. _

_ Alex: I want you to be happy_

_ Maria: And I want you to be happy, so ask Michael out._

_ Alex: I cant kiss him with the flu _

_ Alex: This is a terrible time to ask him out_

_ Alex: I want to make out w/him not cough on him_

_ Maria: Okay, you have a week until you have to ask him out. _

_ Alex: Why a week_

_ Maria: You’ll be well enough in a week to kiss him. He fucking loves you, make a move._

_ Alex: Okay why dont you do the same thing _

_ Alex: Ask your guy out in a week_

_ Maria: It’s a deal._

_ Alex: Can we push the date back if I’m not well yet_

_ Alex: I really dont want my first kiss to have a stuffy nose _

_ Maria: I guess. _

“I wonder if Maria likes that straight guy in her ballet class.” He had to believe that at this point, Maria didn’t like Michael, and if she did, she wasn’t going to take him. He was having a hard time believing that Michael liked anyone _but_ him, but somehow still couldn’t bring himself to believe that Michael, who was amazing, actually wanted to date him. _I have no idea how to ask him out, either. I feel so pathetic when I think about asking him out. I don’t know if I’d survive him saying no, so I have to figure out how to do it right. _

_Maria: I have to get back to class._

_Alex: K_

Alex decided he wanted to take a nap, but wanted to take more meds first, and needed to move his computer, and sorta had to pee, and it was almost overwhelming. “I hate being sick,” he whined to himself. “I’m such a baby.” Even if Chris and Michael said he wasn’t a baby, he _felt_ like a baby. It took a ridiculous amount of time and brain power to get everything done because prioritizing was just tear-inducing. “I’m really fucking sick.”

When Michael got back, he saw that Alex was asleep. His first thought was to crawl into bed with him and take a nap. He was tired and a nap sounded fantastic, and snuggling with Alex _always_ sounded fantastic. He put the tea, honey, and mug on his desk and took off his shoes. _I really don’t want to wake him up. I could do homework, but I really want to take a nap, damn it._ He stared at Alex’s flushed face, and ached to hold him. _I had no idea I could love someone this much._ He made a soft sound in his sleep, and Michael’s decision was made. He took off his jeans and climbed up carefully, trying not to disturb him. He spooned him, feeling that he was obviously still feverish, even with the medicine he was taking. _Poor Alex._ He kissed his hair and pulled him close. _Love you, baby._

When Alex blinked open watery eyes, he immediately realized that Michael had come home from the store and gotten in bed with him to take a nap. And was still sleeping with one arm under his pillow and the other one tight around his chest. He was breathing softly on Alex’s neck and it was wonderful and gave him a shivery feeling. It was very, very intimate. Michael hadn’t been offering to keep him warm and share blankets; he wasn’t comforting him after a bad dream; he’d crawled into bed with him just because he wanted to sleep with his arms around him. _He wants to sleep with me, he’s holding me just because he wants to. Maybe he really does love me._ God, what a wonderful feeling. _All I’ve wanted since move in day was for Michael to love me. I’m going to do it. When I’m well, I’m going to ask him out. I love you so fucking much, Michael, I won’t even let you think about turning me down._ Experimentally, he moved back a little to be closer to Michael. He hummed softly in his sleep and tightened his arm around his chest. _Everytime he touches me, I’m sure I’m in heaven._ Alex relaxed against him, trying not to cough, wondering what time it was. It wasn’t dark outside, but he couldn’t tell what time in the evening it was. _I’m kinda hungry. And thirsty. And I have to pee again. _

Eventually he just had to cough, and the sound and movement woke Michael. He felt a warm hand rubbing his back.

“Hey, you okay?”

“No I’m dying.” When Michael laughed, he followed but started coughing. “Okay, I’m not dead yet.” He carefully settled back down onto the bed without smacking Michael in the face. “When did you get back?”

“I have no idea.” Michael yawned. “What time is it?”

“I have no idea.” He felt around for his phone but whined when he couldn’t find it easily. 

Michael propped himself up on his elbow, and could see his phone his desk. “Hang on.” He brought it to his hand. “It’s 5:15.”

“I need to get up. I’m stiff and I have to pee. And want tea.”

“And I need to stop being up against you, I’m probably making your fever worse.”

Alex whined. “I know, I was thinking about that. The whole reason I’m cold is because my body’s trying to cool down.”

“Let’s take your temp again, okay?”

“Maybe I should wait until I feel cold again to get an accurate reading.”

“That makes sense.” Michael stretched. “Okay, you have to get up for me to get up.”

“I know but sitting up seems like so much effort.”

Michael laughed and sat up himself. “Here, give me your hands.” When Alex held out his hands, he took them and pulled his dead weight upright. “Can you get down by yourself?”

He nodded and regretted it. “Yah, I can.” It took him a minute, but eventually Alex made it off the bed. “My muscles are all wobbly.”

“I’m really glad I can’t get sick.”

“You suck.” Alex coughed his way into the bathroom as Michael laughed.

Dropping off the side of the bed, Michael pulled his Target goods out of the bag. He saved the bag, he and Alex used them in their little trash cans. Both of them were borderline psycho about trash smells, and since Alex ate a ridiculous quantity of fruit, the trash could get smelly pretty fast. They recycled their bottles, and were pretty psycho about them going out too. He looked up when Alex walked back in. “Let me go wash your new mug so you can have tea.”

“You’re way too nice to me. What’s it look like?”

Michael held up the oversized coffee mug that was simple, glossy black but sporting a strangely cute white skull. “It’s almost Halloween, the entire store is emo right now.”

Alex cracked up, laughing until he was coughing uncontrollably. Michael rubbed his back until he could finally breathe again. “I love Halloween. Everything is black.”

“I’ve never really cared one way or the other about Halloween.”

“The Halloween party that the Evans twins threw last year was _insane_ and a fantastic time was had by all. I think the entire senior class showed up at some point that night.” 

“I went to a Halloween party last year too, actually. I didn’t have a costume but it didn’t matter, everyone was too drunk to care and I spent a lot of the party missing my clothes anyway.”

“Wow, drunk Halloween party sex is definitely something I’ve missed out on.” _Please don’t tell me about drunk Halloween party sex. I’m sick and fragile. _

“There was a hot tub. No one had a suit.” _Not like we’d have worn them, so…_

“I’d love to sit in a hot tub right now, but it definitely wouldn’t help my fever.”

“Yah, probably not.” He decided not to describe the challenges of hot tub sex when you’re drunk. “You might be able to breathe for a while, though.”

Alex laughed. “I was just laying in bed earlier, thinking about how I take it for granted that I can use both nostrils everyday.”

“Seriously. Let me wash your cup and you can make some tea.” _And think about something other than meaningless sex with girls I never saw again._ Meeting Alex had changed everything about how Michael interacted with people. He’d never think of just having sex as really _intimate_ again, not when holding Alex while he slept was the most intimate contact he’d ever had with another person. He’d been touched and squeezed and groped and none of it had ever been as arousing as Alex gently working conditioner through his hair with his fingers. Michael was absolutely fucking sure that no embrace he’d ever had came close to Alex wrapping him in his arms as he cried in the middle of the night. Compared to painting Alex’s nails and buying him tea, drunk hot tub sex sounded cheap and unappealing. 

Michael had gotten the right tea _and_ bear-shaped honey. Alex poured bottled water into his cute skull mug and stuck it in the microwave. “Technically you’re not supposed to brew green tea at boiling, you’re supposed to boil the water and let it cool to 185 degrees, then put the tea in, then let it steep for 3 minutes.”

“That sounds like a lot of extra work.”

“It is. But it does taste better that way. When you put the bags in right after it boils it kinda burns it. I usually just let it sit for like a minute before I put the tea bags in the cup.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had green tea.”

“Green tea with honey is a well-known remedy for sore throats and coughs. It’s less acidic than black tea so it’s more soothing.” 

“How do you know this shit?”

“Google.”

“I should have known.” 

“Google is all-knowing. Someday it’s going to become sentient and take over the world.” 

Michael felt vaguely horrified. “That’s terrifying.”

“We should watch _I, Robot,_ then it will be even more terrifying.”

“I’ll pass, then.” 

When the microwave pinged, Alex pulled the mug out and set it down to cool a little. “It’s a really good movie.” He was too impatient and stuck the tea bag in the water. “Oh well, it’s going to be burned. I can’t really taste anything anyway.”

“I got bear-shaped honey, so that will taste good, right?” Michael wondered if a little too much of his happiness was riding on getting the right honey for his roommate.

“Perfect. Did you know that honey can’t go bad? Like, ever? And it has antiseptic properties, and can be used to treat burns.” 

“I didn’t know that, no.”

“There are documents from ancient Egypt about using honey on injuries and sunburns while building temples and pyramids.”

“You’re on Google too much. You need a life.”

Alex laughed. “No, I saw that one an archeology show.”

“Again, you need a life.”

“Well, I haven’t had drunk Halloween party sex, but I feel like I have a pretty eventful life. It just happens to include Google and archeology shows.” _I still don’t want to hear about the drunk Halloween party sex._

“Drunk Halloween party sex is overrated.” 

“In or out of the hot tub?”

“Both.”

Alex wasn’t sure how he felt about this conversation, he didn’t like thinking about Michael being with other people, even though they hadn’t known each other. But on the other hand, Michael being so deadpan about drunk hot tub sex was pretty funny. “How much sex did you have at that Halloween party?”

Michael felt distinctly uncomfortable answering that question. It just wasn’t something you did, talk about random party hookups with the person you wanted to spend your life with. At the time, getting laid had been the goal and he’d had a 300% success rate, but none of it meant _anything_ now, and he couldn’t remember why getting drunk and screwing around seemed fun when he thought about watching _Star Trek_ in bed with Alex. “Uh, I plead the fifth.” 

“Damn.” _If I wasn’t so sick I’d probably have a bigger reaction to this._ As it was, he just felt vaguely worse by like 3%. “I forgot to set a timer. It looks steeped enough, right?”

“I have no idea.”

“Eh, good enough.” He pulled the tea bag out and tossed it in the trash. “Honey time.”

“Are you going to put a ridiculous amount of honey in your tea?”

“No actually.” He held the honey out to Michael. “Will you open it?”

He unscrewed the cap and peeled the seal off. “That wasn’t that hard, Alex.”

“But now you have honey on your fingers and I don’t.” 

“Goddamnit.” Michael couldn’t help but laugh at the mischievous look on Alex’s face. He stuck his finger in his mouth. “Bear-shaped honey tastes exactly the same as not-bear-shaped honey.”

“You’re wrong.” Alex stirred the golden liquid into the hot tea. “Now if only I had a couch to sit on and reality shows to watch.”

“Lame.” He laughed when Alex flipped him off. “You’ll have to sit on your bed and watch Netflix. I have to do homework.”

“I’m going to sit at my desk for a while, I’m stiff from being in bed too much.” He pulled out his chair. “Plus my laptop needs to be on the charger.”

“You could also do homework.”

“I really cannot do homework.” Alex stared at his desk for a minute while he listened to Michael getting out his supplies. “Hey, don’t forget to eat dinner.” The hot tea cup was warming his hands. “I don’t need supervision with my tea.”

“Are you sure?”

“Well, fairly sure.” He focused his attention on the stuff on his desk with a great deal of effort. “I should take my temperature before I drink the hot tea.” He turned on the thermometer and put it under his tongue.

Michael turned in his chair and waited for the beep. “Well?”

“101.1. It’s down a little.” 

“That’s good.” Michael felt a tiny bit relieved. “Still high, though.”

“The acetometaphine in the meds is a fever reducer.” Alex heaved a gusty sigh. “I probably shouldn’t sleep with you if I want to get better. I’ll just be cold with one blanket.”

“No, absolutely not,” Michael argued. “DeLuca has extra blankets, you will not be cold. I’ll text her.” 

_Michael: Hey can I borrow one of your extra blankets for Alex?_

_Michael: Two adults sharing a twin bed for the sake of a blanket is awkward._

Alex laughed when he read the texts. “It’s not that awkward.”

“Only because neither of us move in our sleep.”

_Maria: Of course. I should have offered! I’m a bad friend. _

_Alex: You are_

_Alex: Just terrible _

_Maria: Why isn’t there a middle finger emoji?! _

Michael and Alex laughed out loud. 

_Michael: Be nice he’s sick and fragile._

_Alex: So sick _

_Alex: So fragile _

_Maria: Uh huh. _

_Maria: We’re getting ready to head to dinner. Want to join us?_

_Alex: Cant move_

_Alex: Make Michael eat_

“It’s not like I’m starving!”

_Maria: Come have dinner with us, Guerin, then I’ll give you your choice of blankets._

_ Michael: Fine. _

_ Michael: Meet you downstairs in 5?_

_ Maria: I’ll just come knock on your door. Alex, wear pants._

They both laughed, but Alex did notice that Michael was putting on his jeans.

_Alex: Im wearing pants_

_ Alex: Now Michael is also wearing pants_

_ Maria: Thank you Lord Jesus. Be right there._

“If there’s garlic bread you have to sneak some out for me.” 

Michael raised an eyebrow. “You also need to eat.”

“I really don’t want to. I know I should, but I just don’t want to. I’m too tired.”

That was very concerning to Michael. Having never been sick, he had no idea if that was normal or not. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay? I can make you soup.”

“No, Michael, go eat, I’m _fine.”_ Alex looked at Michael’s worried expression and smiled. “I just have the flu. I don’t have an appetite.” Understanding dawned. “Oh, you don’t know, that’s totally normal. Most people lose their appetite when they’re sick.”

“Oh.” He couldn’t lie to himself and pretend he wasn’t relieved. “You just seem really miserable, and I want you to be okay.”

_Michael is the sweetest person. Maybe he does love me._ “I am miserable, but it’s temporary misery. As far as the flu goes, this is mild. My fever is fairly low and I can actually be upright for more than 10 minutes at a time. I’m not even coughing that much.” Of course, Alex started coughing and Michael laughed. “No, really, this is pretty mild flu. Have dinner and don’t worry about me.” 

“Alright. But I’m going to make you eat soup when I come back.”

“It’s a deal.” Alex sipped his tea, it was just barely cool enough. “Ah, tea.”

They both looked at the door when Maria knocked. Michael opened the door to let her in, then grabbed his hoodie off the back of his chair. “Hey DeLuca. Hey Zoey.”

“It’s cold, you might need something warmer than a hoodie.” 

“Really?” He went over to his closet and pushed hangers around. He pulled out a heavier hoodie with fake sheepskin lining. “This will have to do.”

Maria looked at the jacket critically before squeezing the sleeve. “Oh, that’s probably warm enough. Do you ever wear scarves or gloves?”

“It’s not cold enough for a scarf and gloves, DeLuca.” 

Alex pulled up the weather app on his phone. “Yah, it’s 52, that’s not cold enough.”

“Just asking, jeez!” 

“To answer your question, I don’t wear scarves, I just button my coat up. But if it’s cold enough, I will wear gloves.” _I’m going to have to visit Goodwill for a new coat. Mine’s toast._

“Guitar players wear gloves, we value our fingers,” Alex commented.

Michael donned the jacket but left it unzipped. “If you need something, text one of us.” Unable to resist, even though Maria and Zoey were watching, he squeezed Alex’s shoulder. _It’s not like I can stop loving him just because they’re here._ When Alex smiled up at him, his breath caught. There was so much love in that expression, and he couldn’t look away for a minute. Only the fact that their first kiss was _not_ going to be while Alex was sick and they had an audience kept him from leaning down and pressing their lips together. 

Alex coughing broke the tension before Maria or Zoey could comment. “Go,” he choked out. “Go eat. Don’t starve on my account.” He sipped his tea. “If there’s garlic bread sneak some out.” 

The girls laughed and headed out the door, and Michael paused long enough to smile at Alex. “Seriously, text me.”

“Michael, go eat!” He shooed him away. “I’m not going to die in the next hour.” He took a hand off of the tea mug and squeezed Michael’s fingers. “I’m _fine.”_

He squeezed Alex’s hand, and dropped a feather-light kiss on the top of his head. “I’ll be back.”

Alex watched him leave, a little amazed that Michael had kissed him while he was completely awake. He sorta remembered Michael kissing his forehead when he was mostly asleep. _How can I doubt that he loves me, or at least likes me, at this point?_ He luxuriated in the feeling of being wanted for a minute. He loved Michael so fucking much, and the chance to share that with him was a source of so much joy that he almost felt okay for a second. Of course, then he started coughing again and it made his head pound and his back and chest hurt, but that didn’t take all of the happiness out of him. _Thank god my ribs are healed. Coughing with broken ribs would have been horrible._ That kind of pain might have actually put him in the hospital. 

He filled the time while his friends were at dinner watching YouTube videos. He followed a skating channel that had new vids pretty much daily, and they’d posted a multi-part analysis of Tony Hawk’s last exhibition. There’d been a moment in time when Alex had wondered if professional skateboarding was a thing, and then he’d discovered Tony Hawk. He’d toyed with the idea of trying to become a pro skateboarder, but it just wasn’t possible living in Roswell. There wasn’t even a place it was legal to skate, fuck a skatepark. _Being a professional musician or skateboarder would piss my dad off so bad. I’d love to do that._ He kinda thought just being happy was going to piss his dad off, and that didn’t take a lot of effort and would definitely ruin Jesse’s day. He could just imagine calling his dad someday. _Hi Dad! Guess what, I’m still gay! Yep! And I’m doing the intelligence work that the military is too shitty to accomplish! Yah, that’s right! Better than the Air Force! Oh, and I’m married to the man who made the Mars colonies possible and we have a dog._ That made Alex laugh and he started coughing, amused at himself. _Well, we definitely need a dog at some point._ He’d always wanted a dog as a kid. And if anyone was going to build a ship that could make colonies on Mars possible, it was Michael. _Of course I’m married to Michael in my day dreams. Why wouldn’t I be?_ He had other vague day dreams with Michael, like recording music together and traveling around the world. _All of that would make Dad livid. Instead of getting the gay beat out of me and enlisting, I marry a brilliant scientist and we produce an album._ For years, he’d thought about the kind of revenge he’d like to get on his father, but Mimi had made him realize that living a life that wasn’t tainted by his hate was the best revenge he could have. To be publicly visible, openly gay, successful, and happy would ruin Jesse’s life and that was probably the perfect way to get back at him. 

The door opened while Alex was watching a video of someone teaching his dog to skate that was _hysterical_ and he was trying really hard not to die coughing because he kept laughing. He looked up and saw that Michael looked _really_ concerned and he held up his phone. “Just laughing,” he croaked out between coughs.

Michael relaxed. “What are you watching that’s funny enough that you’re depriving yourself of oxygen?”

“This guy is trying to teach his bulldog to ride a skateboard.” He held out his phone. “There’s a famous skating bulldog, and this is not him.” 

“There’s a bulldog that actually can ride a skateboard?”

Alex nodded. “Yah, let me find you videos, I think he has his own YouTube channel. There are dogs that surf too.”

“I want to see that, too.” Michael put his jacket over the hoodie on his desk chair. “DeLuca is bringing you a blanket. There wasn’t any garlic bread, sorry.”

“I probably won’t die from lack of garlic bread. I’ll just slip into a severe depression.” 

“Did you move while I was gone?”

“No. Just drank tea and watched videos.”

“I’ll make you some soup.” He took the dirty bowl off of Alex’s desk. “We should have washed this last night.”

“Well, you came out to me as an alien last night, so that was a kind of a big deal.”

“Fuck, was that only _last night?_ This day has seemed like a week.” He couldn’t help but be amused by Alex’s terminology. “‘Coming out’ as an alien?” He tried to shake off the shiver of cold fear at mentioning it outloud.

“As good a way to say it as any.” Alex tipped his head back to see Michael where he was standing by his own desk. “Don’t worry, I won’t ‘out’ you.”

“Thanks.” Michael laughed a little, uncomfortable. “As much of a relief as it is for that secret to be out, it’s still really fucking weird to talk about it, and makes me borderline panic to think about anyone knowing.”

“Got it.” Alex held out his hand, and when Michael took it, he squeezed his fingers. “I won’t mention it.”

“Thanks.” 

Maria knocking on the door interrupted them before they could get stuck looking into each other’s eyes like a bad romance novel again. Michael let her in, and she had a big fluffy blanket with her.

“You’re in luck, Alex, my only full-sized spare blanket is black and furry.”

“Oh, I was so hoping for pink or leopard,” he joked, wiping his nose.

“Those are just throws, they’re not big enough.”

Michael ran a hand over the blanket. “Fuck, that’s really soft. I’m jealous.”

“If you get sick, you can borrow it.”

“Or you could tell me where you got it so I can get one,” Michael countered, not wanting to talk about getting sick, since that went so far sideways the night before.

“Hmph.”

“It’s from Wal-Mart.” 

“Alex!” Maria shouted, outraged. 

“Oh, cool. Easy to acquire.” Michael laughed at her expression. “Sorry your secret wasn’t mysterious or exclusive.”

“We really should have extra blankets.” 

“You’re probably right.” Michael held up the bowl. “I’m going to go wash this.”

“Where’d the bowl come from?”

“Oh, Michael bought it for me so I could have chicken soup. He’s a good wife.” Alex grinned when he heard Michael laugh from the bathroom. “No one has ever spoiled me this much while I’ve had the flu. Michael is the best wife.”

Maria laughed. “Are you going to make the soup for him too, Guerin?”

Michael walked back out of the bathroom, drying the bowl with the extra blue hand towel. “Yep, I’ll slave for long minutes over the microwave to nurse my man back to health.” 

They both laughed at that, but Alex was very happy that Michael was making him some soup. “I’m actually a little hungry, thanks for feeding me.”

“You need calories to fight off the virus, so you have to eat the entire bowl.” Michael popped the top on the can and dumped it into the bowl before using the rest of the bottle of water Alex had used for his tea to clean out the can and mix with the condensed soup. “Alex told me you guys made homemade soup once?” 

“Yah, and it was _good._ It had a ton of vegetables and spices and like 3 rotisserie chickens in it.” 

“And homemade noodles. We made homemade noodles.” Alex was very proud of making homemade noodles. “Noodles are messy to make.” 

“There was flour everywhere,” Maria agreed. “But that soup was amazing.”

“Do you think you could make it again? Because now I really want some.” 

Maria and Alex looked at each other. “Yah, sure. It’s expensive to make, and takes all day, though.” 

“Not like now,” Michael clarified, “but next year when we have an apartment.” Cooking in the dorm kitchen had allowed them to realize they really didn’t want to do it again unless it was something really easy, like macaroni and cheese. 

“That would be awesome.” Alex loved the idea of spending all day cooking soup with Michael in their kitchen. “We should see if we can get a bigger soup pot.”

“I’m sure we can.”

The microwave dinged, and Michael pulled out the inferior canned chicken soup. “Here, eat, don’t make me worry that you’re dying.”

Maria laughed. “You do sound like a wife. Or a mom.”

Michael looked at Alex as he put the bowl on the desk. “I don’t think there’s anything parental going on here.”

Alex held his eyes for a second before coughing. “Yah,” he croaked. “Nothing parental.” _Definitely nothing parental about how I feel about Michael._ “But for the record, you’d make a good mom, Michael.”

He laughed at that. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.” Michael wasn’t sure parenthood was in the cards for him, but if he and Alex ever got there...it was good to know he wasn’t hopeless.

“I have it on excellent authority that it takes more than microwaving chicken soup to be a good mom, so don’t get too big for your britches, Guerin.” 

“Hey!” Michael protested. “I’m not trying to be a mom, here, I’m trying to be a good wife!” He rubbed Alex’s back when he started coughing from laughing and choking on soup. “Sorry, husband.”

“You guys take married to a new level.”

Alex ignored Maria for a second to eat some soup. “I just hope I can support our family after my wife nurses me back to health.” Michael and Maria were laughing but Alex had to concentrate on eating and breathing in sync so that he didn’t cough and choke and die. 

“Anyway, just wash the blanket when you’re done with it, I don’t need it right now.”

“Thanks DeLuca.”

“You could have asked yesterday, you didn’t have to sleep together to keep warm.”

Michael didn’t know what to say, and was hoping his face didn’t show all of the emotions and thoughts spinning in his head. Luckily, Alex saved him.

“‘Borrow a blanket’ is girl logic. Boy logic is ‘be stoic and suffer.’ That’s why it’s universally known that women are smarter.” 

Maria cracked up. “What about all the whining boys do?”

“It’s because we suffered but couldn’t stay stoic. We don’t like to talk about it.”

Michael was laughing too, relieved that he didn’t have to try to verbalize why getting an extra blanket just wasn’t possible last night. _Too much shit had just happened to talk to another person. And I wanted to keep Alex next to me, damn it. I thought I’d lost him, I needed him where I could touch him._

“Men.” Maria rolled her eyes and thrust the blanket at Michael. “Here, just don’t do anything weird on it.”

“I’d ask you to define ‘weird’ but I’m really just going to put it on Alex’s bed.”

“As long as it’s washed when I get it back, I guess I won’t know what bodily fluids are on it.” 

Alex spit out his soup. “Maria jesus fucking christ!” He used a tissue to wipe soup off of his chin and desk, glad it had missed his computer. “Don’t say things like that, I’m sick and fragile.”

“Uh huh.” She raised an eyebrow at Michael when he took the blanket from her. “You’re not sick and fragile.”

“Nope. But I’m also not going to put my DNA on your blanket, you’re safe.”

Alex spit out his soup again. “Michael what the fuck?!” He grabbed another tissue to wipe his nose, chin, desk, and phone. “You made me spit soup on my phone!”

“Sorry dude.” He actually was sorry he’d made Alex spit out his soup, and was glad he hadn’t choked. “It will be clean and fluid-free when I return it.”

“God both of you stop!” Alex coughed. “Breathing is enough of a challenge right now without your help!”

“Sorry, Alex.” Maria was genuinely sorry, and she gave Alex a loose hug around the shoulders. “I won’t make you choke again.”

“We’ll have to save our snark for another time, DeLuca.”

Maria wished them a good night and headed up to her room, she had homework to do and wanted to take a shower. She did continue to think about the interaction on her way upstairs though. _Michael loves him. It’s obvious._ Like always, he’d had his thoughts shielded behind a wall of steal, and not a single trickle of emotion leaked out, but the way he looked at Alex was pure devotion. _He better not fuck up. Alex loves him more than life and would do anything for him._ If he hurt Alex, he was fucking toast.

Once Maria was gone, Michael lifted his blanket off of Alex’s bed and floated it back to his own before spreading Maria’s furry blanket over the black comforter the bed was already sporting. Alex was watching him, eyes a little wide. “There are so many practical applications for telekinesis.”

“Yah, I see that.” Alex pushed his soup bowl away. “Thanks for getting me a blanket then actually putting it on my bed.”

“Your bed is even more emo now.” 

“Can you imagine if she’d brought the leopard print blanket? It would look so weird and out of place in here.” 

“It would. I know she said leopard was a neutral, but I don’t really believe that.”

“No. It’s not.”

Michael noticed that Alex wasn’t eating. “Hey, you didn’t finish your soup.”

“I can’t.” Alex looked at him with pleading eyes. “I just can’t eat all of it.” _Don’t be mad._

“Is that normal?” _God, please don’t be getting worse, my heart can’t handle it._

“Yah, totally normal.” He smiled at Michael’s serious face. “No really, it’s normal to lose your appetite when you have the flu. I’m not dying.” To prove that he wasn’t on death’s door, Alex got up and took his soup to the bathroom to wash the bowl. “I’ll probably lose a little weight, but I’ll be fine.” _God it feels good for someone to give a shit about me. _

Michael watched Alex wobble to the bathroom, hoping he was telling the truth. Inspired, he grabbed his phone.

_Michael: Hey DeLuca I’m legit worried about Alex. _

_ Maria: Why? Is he doing anything weird?_

Michael wondered how she’d define weird.

_Michael: No I’m just afraid he’s sicker than he’s acting. Like something is really wrong._

He watched the dots for a few seconds.

_Maria: No, he just has a mild case of the flu. I’ve seen him sicker than this before._

_ Maria: I don’t think he’s putting on a brave face to keep you from worrying._

_ Michael: If you’re sure. 😰 _

_ Maria: You’re a good wife. But he’s fine. _

_ Maria: Even if he was being stoic for you, he’d bitch to me._

_ Michael: Okay you have a point. _

_ Maria: Just put him to bed early and he’ll be better in a couple days._

_ Michael: Thanks. 💜 _

_ Maria: 😘 _

He was sure that Maria would know from that exchange that he was more concerned than a friend over Alex. He didn’t care if she knew, it was probably obvious how much he loved him every time they were together. Maria had been trying to figure out if he liked Alex from day one, and he had, the entire time, and hadn’t tried to hide it. Of course, he hadn’t given her a single straight answer, but he hadn’t lied. _I love him too much to hide it successfully. I’m good at deflecting when someone asks me a question, but if someone asked me if I liked him right now, I’d just be the heart-eyes emoji._

“Hey, everything okay?”

Michael looked up from his phone to see Alex walk in with the bowl. “Yah, you okay?”

“Just tired. I’m going to take some Nyquil and go to bed.”

“Okay. I have to do homework, will the light bother you?”

Alex shook his head. “No, it doesn’t ever bother me and the Nyquil will knock me out anyway.”

“Do you want more tea?” 

“No, just water.” Alex laughed when Michael got him a bottle from the fridge. “Michael, relax, I’m not dying, I promise.” He pulled him into a hug when he took the water bottle. Michael was holding him like he was _actually_ fragile. “I’m okay, seriously. You can’t be a basket case every time I get sick, your GPA won’t survive.”

That pulled a little chuckle out of Michael, but he held onto Alex a little longer. “I’ve never really worried about someone being sick before. You’re special.” _Because I love you._

“That’s sweet.” _God I love you, Michael._ “In a week I’ll be completely fine. I’m healthy, I don’t stay sick for weeks and weeks. I almost never have to see a doctor. It’s okay.” He gave Michael a squeeze then pulled away so he could cough. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay, don’t apologize.” 

Alex went about extracting Nyquil from the evil packaging and swallowed the gel caps without choking. “The tea and soup helped my throat, I’ll have to have more tea tomorrow.” He plugged his phone in and tossed it up onto the bed. “I really want to go to lab tomorrow, but Jill told me to stay home so she doesn’t get sick.”

“Yah, you still have a fever, you’ll infect the unprotected masses.”

“I also don’t think I could walk all the way to the engineering building.”

Michael watched him climb into bed, wishing he’d just let him lift him into bed and knowing it was ridiculous. Alex was _not_ dying. _I’m seriously a basket case. I both hope I get used to him being sick and hope he never gets sick again._

“This blanket is dangerously soft,” Alex croaked once he was snuggled up in his bed. “Maria might not get it back.”

“I should have pointed out that the only bodily fluids that are going to end up on it are your drool and snot.”

“Gross,” Alex laughed, coughing. “But accurate.” _Even if I felt good enough for fun times I wouldn’t have them on Maria’s blanket._ “Makes me want to get my own fuzzy blanket, though. It’s really soft.”

“Did you just imply that you want to get a copycat blanket so you can get off on it?”

“Did I?” Alex thought through his words. “Oh god,” he laughed before coughing. “I so did. That’s not what I was thinking at all.”

“Suuuuurree.” 

“No, really!” Alex protested weakly, still laughing. “But, it is soft, I mean, it would feel good on any part of the body.”

Michael was laughing, and couldn’t respond for a minute. “I bet it would.”

“Stop, I can’t have naughty thoughts about Maria’s blanket, I’m too sick and fragile.”

That made Michael laugh harder, and he had to look away from Alex’s sparkling eyes and flushed face before he climbed onto the bed and found out just how soft the blanket was. He made himself calm down as he listened to Alex cough. “I have to stop making you laugh, you almost die every time.”

“I know.” Alex tried to take a few deep breaths without coughing. “Okay, I have to calm down now. No more laughing.” 

“Go to sleep. I’m going to finish my algebra assignment.” 

Alex watched Michael get out his books as he slowly calmed down. Joking aside, Michael really was the best ‘wife.’ _He’s the best boyfriend, seriously._ “Michael?”

“What’s up?”

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

Michael turned around in his chair to smile up at him. “Any time.”

They just looked at each other for a few moments before Alex’s sleepy eyes drooped. “Night.”

“Night.”

***

“Another Thursday, another attempt to keep our lab grade out of the gutter.”

Michael looked up at Jaime as he flopped down in the chair next to him. “Fucking Caden and Leon.”

“Fucking Caden and Leon,” the other boy echoed. 

They’d figured out that the only way to get their lab partners to do the pre-lab so they were prepared was to meet on Thursday afternoon someplace that served food. Today they were at a pizza place close to campus that catered to the student crowd and had free wifi. They’d agreed to meet at 2, and Michael was hopeful that Caden and Leon would get there by 2:30. If they were really lucky, they wouldn’t start drinking beer on their fake IDs until after they got everything done.

“This lab is basically going to sink our grade,” Jaime complained. “There’s no way Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum will be able to pull it off.” 

“Would it be too much to ask that they drop out?” Michael beseeched the heavens. “Seriously, if we could just do their parts, we’d be _fine.” _

“Fucking Larry.” 

Michael was always amused by Jaime’s choice words for Larry during lab. Larry not only didn’t speak Spanish, he was racist and didn’t want to hear Spanish in his class. That inspired everyone in the class to speak a foreign language. There was _no one_ who liked Larry. And Michael’s Spanish was excellent, so he and Jaime could bitch about him together. Caden was as white as it got, so he didn’t speak Spanish, even though he’d taken it in high school. Leon understood Spanish, but didn’t usually speak it. The girls in the class got the worst of it, though. Larry had no respect for women. Two of the girls in their lab were from Egypt and wore hijabs, and Larry _loathed_ them. They spoke Arabic loudly across the room to each other whenever possible. 

“Which parts are the easiest? We can give those to the Tweedles.” 

Michael read through the sheet, he’d printed it in the computer lab. “Oh thank fuck, one of the parts is monitoring and recording numbers. We can give that one to Leon.”

Jaime had a copy, too. “I guess we can have Caden do the measurements, and just double check him?”

“That works. One of us can do the lines, Caden can’t even draw a straight line with a ruler.”

“Right? How is that level of incompetence even possible?” 

“How the fuck did he get in to this program?”

Jaime lowered his voice. “I think his parents paid someone to take the SAT for him.”

Michael stared at him. “I hadn’t even considered that possibility, but you’re probably right. Leon, too.”

“If they pass the lab, it’s only going to be because of us. Not their abilities.”

“At least they don’t flirt with us,” Michael commented. “The asshole in Jenny’s group who keeps hitting on her is on my shitlist.”

“Garret? Yah, he’s a piece of shit. He knows my girlfriend is taken and keeps trying to get with her in her English class.” 

“Well, Sophia is really hot, but dude. If she told him to back off, he should fucking back off.”

“For fucking real. Sophia and her friends always walk out of English together, they don’t want to be alone with him around. I know you never hit on the girls in class, I’m sure they appreciate it.”

“Yah, no, not interested in any of them, and I’m about 100% more respectful about asking someone out.”

Jaime gave him a weird look. “Why _aren’t_ you into them? I mean, Jenny especially is gorgeous.”

Michael flushed and blinked. “Um, I, uh, have someone I’m super interested in.” _Like, absolutely in love with._

“Oh, dude, who? Is it someone I know?”

He couldn’t help but smile. “Yah, Alex.”

He grinned. “That’s too cute, dude, your roommate? At least you’ll never have to kick someone out to spend time together.”

Michael laughed, relieved that Jaime was being cool about it. “Yah. Now I just have to ask him out.” 

“Dude, do it. No time like the present.” 

“I--”

“Hey guys.”

Jaime and Michael looked up to see Caden. He looked unusually somber. “What’s up?”

He looked at Jaime. “I’m failing all of my classes, and my parents said they were going to cut me off it I don’t get my shit together.”

“Do you actually go to your classes?”

He other boy looked embarrassed. “Um, sometimes. I try to take classes that don’t have an attendance policy.” 

Michael raised an eyebrow. “Do you do the homework?”

“Um, sometimes? Lab is the only class I’m still passing.” 

“Well going to class and doing the homework is how you pass your classes.”

“Are you guys passing?”

Jaime looked at Michael. “All A’s.”

Michael shrugged. “All A’s.”

“How do you even do that?”

“We don’t spend every night drinking and we go to class.”

“Lame.”

They all looked up to see that Leon had joined them. He was looking at his phone. “The entire point of college is partying.” 

“Actually, I plan to be an aerospace engineer?”

Michael nodded. “Yah, same here. So I go to my fucking classes.”

Leon flopped down into a chair. “I don’t even want to do this, my dad is making me.”

“What do you want to do?” 

Leon looked at Jaime and shrugged. “Marry rich.” 

“Jesus christ, Leon, that’s not a career plan,” Michael complained. 

He shrugged. “Don’t care.”

“Okay, let’s work on the pre-lab.”

While Jaime and Michael were starting a sketch on graph paper, Leon and Caden were eating pizza and laughing about stupid shit. Michael had been trying to tune them out but Leon had brought up a subject near and dear to his heart.

Aliens.

“Like, why do people even think they’ve been fucking abducted,” Leon was laughing. “How fucking dumb are they?”

“I don’t know, man, some of them are really convinced.” Caden gestured with a piece of pizza. “What do you think aliens look like?”

“Aren’t they like, little grey guys with big eyes?”

“That’s the fucking emoji, Leon.”

“Hey, the idea had to come from somewhere.”

Michael took a deep breath and tried to ignore them. 

“Do you ever watch _Star Trek?_ Aliens look like people with like, weird skulls and shit.”

“Who watches _Star Trek?_ What kind of fucking nerd are you?”

Jaime looked at the Tweedles. “_Star Trek_ is good.”

Leon rolled his eyes. “What the fuck ever.”

“No, really, like half of all the aliens are hot chicks. And the human dudes are always getting lucky.”

“What? Why would you sleep with a fucking alien?”

That certainly made Michael feel like shit. _Yah, why would you sleep with a fucking alien?_

“Tits are tits, dude, doesn’t matter what color her skin is. And weird face things can be covered with like a space pillow or something.”

Michael felt sick to his stomach.

“Okay, so if aliens are all women who are putting out, like, why haven’t we conquered the universe?”

“Well, these aliens are like on spaceships and space stations. If aliens came to earth I’m sure we’d conquer them. We have the biggest military.”

Leon laughed into his beer. “Okay, but are these aliens coming to earth the hot women?”

“God I hope so. We can show off our superior brains, weapons, and sex skills.”

“Okay do you guys even have sex skills?” Michael snapped. “Can you possibly help with the lab?”

“You guys seem to have it covered,” Caden replied. “I just have to measure stuff tomorrow, Leon just has to write down numbers.”

“Did you even look at _why_ you’re doing that?” Michael was about as pissed as he’d ever been at them.

“What difference does it make?” He turned to look at Leon before looking back at Michael. “Are you questioning our sex skills?”

Michael rolled his eyes, still annoyed with their opinion of aliens and refusal to work on the lab. “I’m assuming you don’t have any, but I don’t actually want to find out.”

“Asshole.” Leon flicked his napkin wrapper at Michael. 

“We can save it for the aliens,” Caden suggested.

“Okay, so,” Leon started, “aliens come to earth, and we round them up with our superior military, then separate the women, then show our superior sex skills? What do we do with the rest of them?”

“Have you guys ever thought about not being sacks of shit?” Jaime asked.

“Fuck off.” Caden ate more pizza before he shared his brilliant idea. “Well, we have them all rounded up, so they’re, like, prisoners. We can use them for slaves, or like do experiments on them, find out how their technology works, shit like that.”

Michael was feeling more and more uncomfortable with every second.

“We could like, dissect them to see if they have the same insides, since they look human.”

“Okay, that’s _enough.”_ Micheal stood up from the table. “Refusing to do the lab is one thing, but raping and enslaving another intelligent race is _repulsive._ I want to finish the pre-lab because I actually give a fuck about my grades. But I don’t want to look at you disgusting assholes for another motherfucking second and I think you should leave _now.”_

“What the fuck?”

“Seriously, guys, leave,” Jaime urged, “or I’m going to fucking shove that pizza up your fucking ass. Get out.” 

“We’re just joking, dude!” Leon defended, but the looks on Michael’s and Jaime’s faces apparently convinced him that that was not a valid argument. “Okay, we’re going, jesus fucking christ.”

“It’s not like aliens are even real!” 

“Caden,” Jaime started, “real or imaginary, rape is always wrong. Go get some respect for women and come back less of a douchebag.” 

“Do you remember anything about history? Concentration camps are bad. Go find two brain cells to rub together and show up for lab less fucking stupid.”

“You guys are being total dicks,” Leon complained, getting up from the table. “Get lives.”

Caden sat there for a minute. “You took that way too seriously,” he commented, raising an eyebrow. “It’s not like any of us are going to go capture and fuck aliens.”

Michael sat down with a thump and rubbed his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. Go away.” He stared at Caden until he packed up his stuff and left. “We probably have to pay for the pizza.”

“Then we should eat it after we finish.” Jaime looked at Michael, concerned. “They really pushed a button, huh?”

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a minute. “Yah. I grew up in foster care. Sexual assault really touches a nerve for me. I spent two years working in a scrap yard as a mechanic without making a dime, and that was bad enough that I don’t want to contemplate actual slavery.” _Well, that’s all true._ It didn’t even scrape the surface of what was wrong, but that was what he was willing to share with Jaime. He liked the guy, he was a good friend, but _no one_ needed to know why aliens were a really touchy subject for him.

“The concentration camp, though, you’re right about that.” Jaime paused. “Aliens would be the new Jews. That’s so fucked up.” 

Michael nodded. “Yah.”

“I take it you believe in aliens?”

“Oh, yah. There’s no way we’re the only intelligent life in the universe, since most of this planet is so fucking stupid.”

Jaime laughed. “Oh fuck, that’s so true.” 

They finished working on the prelab, having essentially made a blueprint of what they needed to work on the next day. Part of the reason Caden and Leon were passing lab was because Michael and Jaime worked hard to make their parts idiot proof. Part of the reason that Michael and Jaime had 100%s in the lab was because even _Larry_ couldn’t fault their methodology. 

“I can’t believe they left us to pay for their fucking pizza,” Jaime complained as they ate. 

“I can. We’ll have to pay for their beers, too.”

“Paying for beer I didn’t even get to drink is bullshit.”

_I could really use some tequila and acetone right about now._ Tequila, acetone, and absolutely no one around. 

After they finished the pizza, Michael drove Jaime home before heading back to campus. It was about 6:30, and he kinda dreaded seeing Alex for the first time _ever._ He just didn’t want to talk to anyone, didn’t want to explain his funk, just wanted to get over it in his own time and cool down. 

It was already dark, winter in New Mexico meant early sunsets. It was cold, too, colder than usual for the second week of October, and it was pissing him off that he was actually cold inside his jacket. _I have to spend money I don’t have on a new fucking coat. _

There was no good parking when he got to Laguna, and he had to walk farther than he wanted. The wind was bitingly cold for some reason. About halfway from the truck to the door his calf started to cramp and it was almost more than he could fucking take.

Alex actually _wasn’t_ in the room when he let himself in. He flicked his lamp on with a thought and dropped his backpack on the floor hard enough his downstairs neighbors would probably complain. It was cold in the room and he punched the thermostat to make the heat come on as he pulled his jacket off like it had personally wronged him. His shoes almost didn’t want to come off and he was so angry he had to clamp down on his powers before he shredded them. That had only happened once, and it wasn’t going to happen again. Michael threw himself into his chair, thoroughly pissed off, hating life, and most importantly, hating _himself._

“I should not have lost it on the Tweedles like that.” Michael decided to continue to chastise himself out loud. “They’re morons, and even if the people of earth found a huge group of my kind, those two would not be part of it.” He tried to breathe and not get angrier. “But that they thought rounding them up and raping them at the same time as they thought no one would want to fuck an alien was _sick.”_ He tried to push away the visions of that _happening,_ maybe to his own _family_, after the crash in 1947. Tried. He had terrible, horrifying fears of actual survivors being treated exactly like Caden and Leon suggested. “I don’t know if anyone besides me is still alive,” he whispered, and he could hear tears in his voice and tried to control himself. “And why _would_ anyone want to have sex with an alien? Not even the same species, there’s probably something wrong and creepy about that.” He could feel tears rolling down his cheeks, equal parts anger and despair. “I’m in love with Alex, but why the fuck would he even want me?” He crushed the voice pointing out all the ways it was clear that Alex cared deeply for him. “I’m not even human.”

Not ready to be done with his misery, Michael looked around the room, trying to think of a way to brood and do something with his hands at the same time. Something to just let the thoughts flow out of him. He’d spent all afternoon drawing, and didn’t think working on his spaceship designs was going to make him feel better. Then his eyes lighted on Alex’s guitar. He’d never cared if Michael played it before, even without asking. And no matter how fucked up he was feeling, he wasn’t going to cause any harm to a beautiful musical instrument that belonged to someone he loved so much it almost _hurt._

Decision made, Michael got up from his chair and grabbed the guitar from where it was propped very carefully in the corner of the under-bed area, completely free from clutter. Never once had Alex allowed anything to so much as brush it. “If my mom had left me something, _anything,_ I’d be that careful, too.”

He decided to sit on his bed, but was nervous about putting the guitar on the bed then climbing up when he was so pissed off; he got on the bed and very carefully floated it to himself, cushioned by an energy field that would absorb impact if something happened. Nothing happened, and he pulled the guitar to him, and set it beside him on the bed to unzip the gig bag. Alex kept it in tune, testing the accuracy of his app against Michael’s perfect pitch. He took such good care of the instrument, and Michael felt kind of honored that Alex would share it with him. He wondered if the guitar had a name. He still didn’t know Alex’s mother’s name, and thought that might be what Alex called it.

He wasn’t sure what to play, nothing was really coming to mind, so he just moved through chord progressions, letting his hands move and his mind wander. He tried out a melody that he’d been toying with playing for Alex; he’d been working on it on the piano when he practiced. It was pretty in his opinion, and sounded better on the acoustic guitar than it had on piano. _It would sound great if Alex played the harmony on piano._ That fantasy had been invading his mind lately, he and Alex playing together. They practiced piano together fairly often and there was no reason they couldn’t take the guitar with them to the music building.

_My thoughts are always on Alex. Always, always, Alex. I love him so much that losing him would kill me. But why would he even want to be with an alien? Why would he ever think about having a romantic, and probably sexual, relationship with a different species? Isn’t that weird?_ He hadn’t really thought it was weird, since he essentially had a human body, until Caden and Leon had brought it up. He was really enjoying watching _Star Trek_ with Alex, and they just respected all the alien races and treated them like people. _I’ve always thought of myself as a person, who had sex with other people._ But should he feel that way? Should he wonder if there were moral and ethical ramifications of sleeping with humans? _Fucking Caden and Leon!_

Michael tried to push away thoughts of how uncomfortable he was in his own skin, how he felt like a freak again, how absolutely alone he felt. He let tears flow down his face as he played, letting music take away his pain to the best of its ability.

***

Alex was in a fabulous mood.

He’d been hanging out with Maria and Zoey, having finished his homework for the day and needing something to take his mind off of his obsession with Michael. Or rather, he needed someone to listen to all the ways he was absolutely fucking in love with Michael. Maria and Zoey had been patient enough to humor him. Zoey admitted that she’d had her eye on Michael after move in day, but he was clearly in love with Alex, and she hadn’t even thought about asking him out. That news had made Alex blush, but for someone other than Maria to think Michael loved him was more than a little thrilling. They’d had a humorous strategy session, determining the best course of action for Alex to make his move on the unsuspecting boy. Zoey was in favor of a dramatic declaration. Maria was in favor of asking him out on a date.

Alex was in favor of just kissing him the next time they were staring at each other with stars in their eyes. Did that mean he had the guts to do that? He wasn’t sure, but it sounded romantic and amazing.

It wasn’t really late when he got back to the room, since he wanted to see Michael more than anything, and wasn’t going to stay gone much past when he thought he’d be back from his lab study group. He was surprised to find that Michael was sitting on his bed, still dressed, playing guitar quietly. When he didn’t look up and say hello, Alex assumed he hadn’t noticed him come in because he was caught up in the music. He loved it when Michael was fully immersed in music and he could just appreciate how beautiful and passionate he was. Michael was a better guitarist than he was, really. He didn’t just play well, he played like the instrument was an extension of himself. Alex knew that he was a skilled player, but Michael was really an artist. He just watched him for a few minutes before he took off his shoes and climbed up to sit beside him on the bed. Michael didn’t stop playing, just adjusted his balance for the movement and continued through the melancholy chords and phrases dropping from his fingers. Alex just watched, wondering how it was even possible to love someone as much as he loved Michael. _I have to find a way to get him a guitar, maybe for Christmas. Playing together would be magical._

Michael had noticed Alex immediately when he walked in, and deeply appreciated that he’d just been quiet and not tried to talk to him. He wasn’t really fit for company just yet. He kept playing as Alex joined him on the bed, moving through bits of melody he’d written thinking about how much he loved Alex and chords that reminded him of sunrise in the desert. He just let the music flow out of him, wishing it would take his bad mood and chaotic, negative emotions with it. He started to get annoyed all over again, realizing that he was ruining a perfect romantic moment with the boy he loved with his bad attitude and lingering anger. He paused in his playing, looking at Alex’s beautiful face, those dark eyes that were so full of love and longing. _Oh god, Alex, don’t look at me like that, I’m not good enough for you._ He looked away, tears in his eyes, every molecule of his body wracked with pain. _Deep breath, Guerin, it’s Alex._ He looked back over to the boy he loved, and tried to smile. _I wonder if he can see how much I love him when he looks at me. _

Alex looked at Michael, sure what he was seeing into those soft brown eyes was love. Michael looked so...pensive. Unsure. Vulnerable. But he wasn’t looking way. He looked like he needed someone to care about him. _I care about you, Michael. I love you._ Heart pounding, Alex leaned in to kiss him.

Just as Michael was turning away.

Pain like he’d never felt lanced through him, and Alex felt his world implode. He jumped off the bed. _He doesn’t love me, I was wrong, I was so wrong--_

Michael was confused for a second before he realized what had just happened. _Oh fuck, that was Alex leaning over to kiss me. Oh no._ The movement he’d seen out of the corner of his eye was Alex wanting to kiss him. “Oh, fuck, Alex!” He carefully set the guitar aside to see Alex grabbing his phone and keys and running out the door. “Alex, wait! Come back!” He rushed to the door and pulled it open to see Alex fleeing, heading for the stairs. He hadn’t even stopped to put on his shoes. “Fuck!” Chasing him seemed like the wrong thing to do. Following him, cornering him in the stairwell? That sounded _terrifying._ Alex had been horribly abused, his father probably tracked him down and cornered him to beat him. “Fuck, I’ll have to wait until he gets to DeLuca’s room.” Shutting the door, he brought is phone to his hand as he was walking toward it. He tried calling Alex and got sent to voicemail twice before he decided to text him. 

_Michael: Alex come back I’m sorry you surprised me._

_ Michael: I’m so sorry please come back._

_ Michael: Please Alex let me explain._

_ Michael: Alex god I’m so sorry I need to talk to you._

_ Michael: You don’t understand please come back._

Not getting responses _hurt._ He decided to text Maria.

_Michael: I fucked up. Is Alex with you?_

_ Michael: I need to talk to him please ask him to call me._

_ Michael: I didn’t mean to upset him I fucked up please tell him to call me._

At this point, tears were falling and sobs were working their way out of his chest. He set his phone on his desk and sank down to the floor, absolutely miserable and so fucking angry at himself for letting his stupid, moron lab partners ruin Alex _kissing_ him. _He tried to kiss me and I missed it! I love him. I think he loves me. I fucked up my one chance to be happy because I let two idiots get in my head._ He tried calling Alex and Maria both, and got sent to voicemail. This time he actually left a message.

“Alex, god, come back, you don’t understand. Let me explain, please. Please.” He was sure his sobs would be audible, but wasn’t sure Alex would even listen to the message. He thought about just sending him ‘I love you I didn’t realize you were trying to kiss me’ but that seemed wrong somehow. _I want to tell him I love him to his face, not in a text. _

Michael wasn’t sure how long he sat on the floor in front of his desk crying. At some point, he got his phone off his desk and texted Alex and Maria, but got no answers. The idea that Alex was never going to forgive him was so devastating that he was pretty sure he wouldn’t heal from it. “If he’ll just let me explain,” he whispered to himself, voice hoarse from crying. “God why am I so stupid?”

He had the idea of going up to Maria’s room and knocking on the door and asking to talk to Alex, but didn’t know if that was okay. Like, Maria was his safe person, and he’d sought her out for comfort. Would he feel attacked if he tried to approach him while he was in there? Was it better to leave him alone? Michael had never been in a situation like this. He’d never hurt someone he loved, and he’d never had a safe place to go when he was hurting, so didn’t have any idea how the sanctity of those spaces worked. 

Around midnight, he decided that Alex wasn’t going to come back and crawled into bed. He’d washed their sheets after Alex started to feel better, and they didn’t smell like Alex anymore, and that was a literal crying shame. He thought briefly about getting into Alex’s bed, but that seemed sneaky and manipulative. If Alex was hurt enough that he wouldn’t even answer the phone, he wouldn’t want to come home to the source of his pain crying on his pillow. 

He wasn’t sure what time it was when he heard Alex let himself in, whisper, “Oh thank god,” and get into bed. Knowing that Alex was avoiding him was painful. Knowing that Alex was avoiding him and might never forgive him was more than painful. Hearing how grateful Alex was that he wouldn’t have to talk to him was _devastating._ Michael just laid there crying silently, wanting desperately to talk to Alex, but too scared to. He listened to the sounds of Alex climbing into bed, it didn’t even sound like he’d taken off his clothes. 

At some point he fell asleep, as evidenced by waking up and discovering that Alex was already gone. “Fuck.” Micheal felt around for his phone and looked at it. He hadn’t slept through Alex’s alarms, he’d just left an hour fucking early for lab. “Fucking fuck fuck fuck.” And with their schedules, there was no chance that he’d get to talk to him before at least 4. “Goddamn motherfucking sonofabitch.” He wondered if Alex had maybe gone to the dining hall for breakfast, and hurriedly dressed and ran over to the cafeteria. Alex _wasn’t_ there. People were looking at him like he was nuts, and he admitted defeat and went back to the room to take a shower. _At least no one will hear me crying over the running water._

***

“Alex, what--are you okay?”

Alex looked up from his phone to see Junko by the door to the lab. “Oh, hey. I’m fine.”

“You are not fine, you’re 30 minutes early and you’ve clearly been up all night crying. What happened?”

He tried to keep it together. “You know how I feel about Michael, right? I tried to kiss him, and--” his voice broke, “--and he turned away.”

“What?! No!” She shook her head. “Alex, I’ve seen you together, he _loves_ you, why would he do that?!” 

“I don’t know,” he choked out, and started crying in earnest when Junko put her arms around him. “I don’t know what I did wrong, I thought it was a perfect moment.”

“Did you talk to him?”

Alex shook his head. “I was too scared.”

“You need to talk to him. If he doesn’t have a good reason, and it would have to be a really fucking good reason, I’ll kick his ass.” 

That pulled a little chuckle out of him. Junko was 4’11 and weighed around 90 pounds. “I don’t know what would be a good reason other than he just doesn’t like me.”

“I refuse to believe that. He worships the ground you walk on. He _loves_ you. Something must have happened to him yesterday.”

Alex shook his head. “Something bad enough to make him forget he likes me? I’m not sure what could be that bad.” It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about all the things that could have been going on in Michael’s head. “I wondered if maybe he decided he didn’t want to date guys?” He shook his head again. “Then why wouldn’t he just tell me instead of looking away?” He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. “I tried to imagine all the things that could have happened while he was meeting with this lab partners that would be so terrible he’d decide he didn’t like me, but I can’t think of anything.” 

“Me either, but don’t give up hope without talking to him!” She smooshed his face. “You’re too cute to cry, stop!”

He laughed at that. “I don’t feel especially cute.”

“You are seriously the hottest white guy on this campus.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Seriously? I’m not even white.”

“Would I lie? Have you ever known me to be nice about something?”

“Well, no.” Junko told the unvarnished truth pretty much 100% of the time. “I thought I was at least cute enough for Michael.”

“You _are._ Talk to him. If you were anyone else, I’d tell you to skip lab and go find him. But I know you won’t.”

“Nope.” Alex shook his head. “Besides, I’m not ready to face him yet. I snuck in the room when he was already asleep and just stayed in bed until like 5:30 and left before my alarm even went off.”

“Don’t wait too long to talk to him.”

“I have to wait until after his lab this afternoon.” 

“I’m going to text you later to make sure you talked to him. I know where you both live, don’t make me come over.”

Alex managed to stay distracted enough by the lab assignment and banter with Junko that he didn’t dwell on his pain until after lab. She did her best to try to distract him from it during their lecture class, but he knew only half of his attention was on the material, and hoped Junko’s notes made more sense than his would. Lecture got out at 11:50, and Michael’s physics lab was at 12:30, so they were possibly going to be in the same building. He didn’t think Michael would track him down before class, that would just be mean, and no matter what happened, he knew that Michael wasn’t mean. To be safe, he went to Jill’s office until well after Michael’s lab started to make sure they didn’t run into each other. She also wanted to know why he was crying, and he gave her an abbreviated version of his all-consuming crush and the disaster of the previous night. “Communication is key, here, Alex,” she advised. “Talk to him. But for the record, that was a dick move on his part.” 

The problem was, he didn’t think Michael was trying to be an asshole, and couldn’t figure out what had happened. Michael obviously hadn’t intended to hurt him; he’d called and texted a million times begging for a chance to explain. _I don’t know if I’m ready for the explanation. I don’t know if I can hear Michael put into words that he doesn’t want to have a relationship with me. I don’t know if I can handle him letting me down gently after all the cuddling and the forehead kisses. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to hear why he decided to wait until I wanted to kiss him to decide he wasn’t really interested in me._ And it was especially painful because Michael was his best friend, and he couldn’t reconcile the boy he loved and cared about doing something this _mean._ It just didn’t seem in character. _I’m so fucking confused. _

He texted Maria on the way back to the residence hall. 

_Alex: Hey are you in your room_

_ Maria: Yeah, coming over?_

_ Alex: Will you do me a favor_

_ Alex: Go knock on my door and make sure Michael is gone_

_ Alex: I don’t want to see him and I need a shower_

When he’d gone home the night before, he’d just crawled into bed in his clothes and laid there until it was late enough to get up for class. He hadn’t wanted to chance waking up Michael by taking a shower or changing.

_Maria: Okay, just a sec._

He waited a few minutes.

_Maria: No one is answering the door, so I assume he went to class._

_ Alex: Good I’m going to shower then come to your room_

_ Maria: Want some hot chocolate? Zoey bought some._

_ Alex: Sure _

_ Maria: Chocolate solves almost all problems. 🍫 _

_ Alex: If only_

Alex was still nervous as he unlocked the door, afraid Michael might have stayed home to surprise him, but he was gone. He half expected there to be a note on his desk, but there wasn’t. “At least he’s not trying to explain on paper why he decided breaking my heart was a good idea.”

A shower was an _actual_ good idea, and Alex felt about 15% better with clean hair and wearing clean clothes. He had no intention of staying in the room, no matter how much he wanted to take a nap. He desperately wanted to talk to Michael, but he was scared at the same time. He wanted it to be on his terms. He just didn’t know what those terms were yet.

Maria greeted him at the door with a big hug. “How are you, sweetheart?”

“Miserable.”

“Something was wrong with him, Alex, I just know it. He’s in love with you. It’s obvious.”

“Really obvious,” Zoey chimed in.

“That’s what Junko said, too.” Alex lowered himself to the fluffy rug and grabbed the leopard print pillow. “I just, I don’t know what could go _that_ wrong?”

“Well,” Maria started, “We went over several doom-and-gloom scenarios last night.”

“I know.” Alex sniffled. “It seemed like the perfect moment.”

“Objectively, it was perfect,” Maria agreed. “Sitting on the bed together playing guitar is very romantic.” She cocked her head to the side, thinking. “Tell me more about how he looked when you first sat on the bed.”

Alex fought against the pain of picturing Michael’s perfect face. “He looked vulnerable. Like he needed love. Just, apparently, not mine.” Tears started. “I love him.”

“And he loves you! Don’t cry, Alex, we’ll get this figured out. And if it turns out that he’s actually just a sack of shit, I’ll kick his ass.”

“Junko will join you.”

“Me, too,” Zoey added. 

“Thanks.” He tried to smile. “Did you say there was hot chocolate?”

Maria immediately set to making it, still pondering the situation. “I just still can’t believe he did something like that. Guerin is usually not a dick. Well,” she amended, “Not a _real_ dick, he’s usually just funny.” She handed the mug to Alex. “There has to be something you missed about the situation.”

Alex shrugged and took the mug. “Thanks.”

“What are you going to do for the rest of the day? He gets out of class at what, 3?”

“3:30. I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to him, though. I want to not cry, and I just keep crying.”

“You should cry, so he knows how much he hurt you.”

“I want to be able to talk, not just choke and sob,” he countered. “Even if,” he took a shuddering breath, “even if we’re not going to date, I can’t lose him as a friend. No matter how bad it would hurt, I don’t want to lose him. He means the world to me.”

Maria rubbed his leg. “I get that. Where are you going to hide, then?”

“I have a fuck ton of homework, I’m going to go to the library until I can face him.” He sipped the cocoa. “Thanks for the tiny marshmallows.” 

“I know how much you love them.”

“They’re cute.” He drank more of the hot chocolate, catching himself wondering if Michael liked it with little marshmallows or with whipped cream.

“What’s that sad face?”

Alex shrugged. “Wondering if Michael likes tiny marshmallows.”

“You think about him all the time, don’t you?”

“Always. Everything I do, I think about sharing it with Michael.” He switched his cup to his left hand and held out his right. “We have matching love lines, Maria, I was sure that he was the one your mom predicted for me.” 

“He _is,”_ she insisted. “Something got messed up. Let him fix it.”

He shrugged again. “If there is anything to fix.”

Maria rolled her eyes. “At least let him explain, okay? Then we’ll know for sure if he’s a dickhead or just royally fucked up.”

“Okay. Later.” _Like, a lot later._ He drank more cocoa. He didn’t have anything resembling an appetite, and was glad the hot chocolate was agreeing with him since he liked it so much. “I love him.”

“I know, baby. It’s going to be okay.”

“I want to believe that, but I don’t want to get my hopes up, either.”

“I can understand that.”

“Did you ask Andre out?” 

Maria shook her head. “He didn’t come to class yesterday, and today he posted pics in Vegas with one of our _professors.”_

“Oh, fuck.” Alex grabbed her hand. “I’m sorry, Maria.”

“She’s like _60.”_

“That’s...disgusting.”

“I’m so pissed off. At Andre, and at Dr. Guthrie. She should know better than to sleep with a student. An 18-year-old _freshman.”_

“It’s really, really wrong.” Alex knew there were probably other professors dating students, too, but somehow that age difference made him really uncomfortable. It didn’t bother him that Michael was actually like 68, because he only had the life experiences of an 18-year-old. Maria’s professor was a _grandmother._

“And it was fucking stupid, because Andre splashed pics of them together all over social media and when the Dean sees them, and I know he will, she’s toast. There aren’t a lot of ways to fuck up tenure, but ebarrassing the university on the internet is probably one of them.”

“She’ll probably be ‘asked’ to retire.”

“Which fucks up the semester for all of us, because she’s the freshman advisor for the dance department.”

“Will Andre get kicked out?”

They both looked at Zoey. “He might, actually,” Maria answered. “Or might be pressured to ‘drop out’ because of it.”

“That’s some Grade A drama,” Alex commented. 

“Oh boy is it.” Maria sipped her hot chocolate. “But I had a crush on him. My heart is far from broken. I think he was just hot and convenient, I didn’t really _know_ him.”

Alex nodded. “I’m glad you’re not too hurt, but if you want me to beat him up, I will.” Alex laughed a little when Maria did. “Yah right, he’s like 500% more built than I am. I had no idea dancers were that strong.”

“You build a lot of muscle dancing. Not just your legs, you work your entire body.”

“I’m still not interested in anyone but Michael, but I have to agree with your assessment that dancers are hot.” Alex finished his cocoa. “Do you want me to wash out the cup?”

Maria shook her head. “No, I’ll do it. Are you going to go hide?”

“Yah. Even if I wasn’t avoiding Michael, I’d probably do at least part of this tonight, it’s too much homework for Sunday.” 

“I don’t actually believe that, but I’ll let it slide.”

“Thanks.” Alex got up and set the cup on Maria’s desk. “I’m going to go get my stuff, then head to the library. On Friday afternoon, I doubt there’s going to be any competition for study rooms.”

“Yah really.” 

Downstairs in 214, Alex gathered up all of the stuff he needed for college algebra and history, and headed to the library. His laptop felt like it weighed a ton when combined with the weight of his (and Michael’s) algebra book. At the bottom of the stairs, he had a brief moment of panic, wondering if he might see Michael, but it was the middle of his lab. Michael wouldn’t skip class any more than he would. 

Room 258B was empty, quiet, and free of distractions. Alex got out his computer and calculator, cracked open his algebra book, and put a fresh stack of paper on the desk for his assignment. Homework seemed like bullshit in the face of having his heart shredded by the person he loved most in the world. Overwhelmed and exhausted, Alex put his head down on the table and cried. 

***

Michael was waiting outside the lab room when Krista and Jenny arrived. He was usually early since he had a long break between college algebra and lab, but he hadn’t had the energy to go to the library or the student union or anything after class, and was just sitting on the floor in the hall when the girls walked up. He waved at them with the minimum energy required for his arm to move.

Jenny plopped down on the floor immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?” Michael rubbed his eyes. 

“Michael, you’ve obviously been crying, you look like you didn’t sleep last night, and your hair rivals Einstein’s right now. What happened?”

Michael opened his eyes to see Krista sitting down, too. “I must look worse than I thought.”

“You look like shit, to be blunt.” 

“Thanks, Kris.”

“What happened?”

“Jaime asked me about this yesterday, actually, he wondered why I never flirted with you guys since you’re both pretty and single. It’s because I’m totally in love with Alex.”

“With Alex?” Jenny was smiling. “After seeing you together a couple of times, that really doesn’t surprise me.”

“Agreed.” Krista squeezed his knee. “Did you tell him? Does he not like you back?”

“No,” Michael whispered, choking on tears. “Yesterday, yesterday was bad. Me and Jaime met up with Caden and Leon for the pre-lab, and they were making jokes about--” he broke off, not sure what to say, “--about things, bad things, that happened when I was a kid.” He looked down when Jenny pushed a tissue into his hand and he took it. “I was really, really fucked up last night and just didn’t want to see anyone. I was playing Alex’s guitar when he came home and he climbed up on the bed with me, and I was just feeling like I didn’t deserve him--” 

“Oh, Michael,” Krista murmured.

He nodded. “He tried to kiss me and I didn’t realize it because I was already looking away from him. By the time I figured out what had just happened, he’d run out of the room. I called and texted him like a hundred times and he didn’t answer. Last night he came in really late, and somehow managed to get up and leave for class without an alarm today, because he was gone when I woke up.” He was really crying now, and both Jenny and Krista had their arms around him. “I love him, and I fucked up, and he won’t talk to me.”

“It’s not your fault, Michael, it’s okay,” Jenny soothed. “He probably just needs time, I know he’ll let you explain.” 

“I don’t know, I fucked it up so bad,” Michael argued. He wiped his nose. “I have to make it through lab before I can talk to him, and that means three hours with Larry before I can see if he’s willing to speak to me again.” He tried to control himself. “I love him.” 

“I’m pretty sure he loves you, based on literally every time I’ve seen the two of you together,” Krista said softly. “I wish someone would look at me the way he looks at you.”

“Do you think so?” That gave Michael some tiny glimmer of hope.

She nodded. “Give him a little time to calm down, then explain everything. He’ll understand. Then you can have do-overs on the kiss.”

“I still feel like a total dick.”

“I can see why, but don’t feel like this is the end. You guys are best friends and totally in love with each other, this will work out.”

“Hey, what’s wrong, what’s going on?”

The entire group looked up when Jaime came over. He took one look and Michael and sat down too. “What the fuck, dude, what happened?”

“I fucked things up with Alex.”

“No way, we were just talking--wait, was it because of the Tweedles?”

Michael nodded. “I was so fucked up from that, and he tried to kiss me, and I think he thinks I blew him off.”

“Oh shit.” Jaime rubbed his arm. “Did you talk to him about it? What happened?”

“He’s avoiding me.”

“I’ve seen you guys together, dude, he’s totally into you. He’ll give you another chance.” He shoved Michael gently. “Track him down after lab and talk it out.” 

“I _want_ to, I just don’t know if he’s going to want to talk to me.”

“He will.”

Lab was hell. But, mercifully, Caden and Leon decided not to show.

“Thank fucking god, if I’d had to look at their faces while I’m this fucked up over Alex, I might have punched them both. Just, one after the other.”

“We could take turns, switch off who we’re punching.”

Michael and Jaime were perfectly capable of completing the entire lab without Caden and Leon. Jenny’s group finished first, and she came over to their table. “Glad the Tweedles didn’t show up?”

“Yah.” Michael would be eternally grateful that they hadn’t shown up. “I’m not sure I could have kept from going off on them again. I was,” he laughed at himself, “I was already thinking of Alex as my boyfriend, and the idea that they ruined my relationship that wasn’t even a relationship was really pissing me off.”

“Having to sit through assholes making jokes on the topic of childhood trauma really does make the short list of reasons your boyfriend will forgive you for fucking up.”

“I hope so.” _I actually do think Alex will understand if he’ll just let me talk to him. He’s so kind, and understanding, and the shit they were saying...he’d be horrified._ “I hope he’s in our room when I get back.” 

“That you share a room does make this more complicated.”

“Yah it does.” Michael shook his head. “I’m finished, Jaime.”

“Cool, me too, here’s the lab sheet.” 

Michael took it and transferred his data to the master copy to turn in. They always printed an extra one so that if it somehow got lost they’d have documentation of the work they’d done. That had been a tip from a group of juniors that _also_ hated Larry. “Once again, successfully completed without Caden and Leon.”

“They’re dead weight.” Jenny sighed. “At least my lab partners usually show up for class.”

“Here, I’ll give it to Larry.” Jaime held out his hand for the lab sheet, and Michael passed it to him. “Go find Alex.”

“I second that, go find your boyfriend.” Jenny smiled. “Power of positive thinking, Michael.”

“That’s never worked in the past, but there’s always a first time.”

It was cold on the way back to Laguna. It had rained earlier and the air was still damp, and he wished he’d worn the warmer hoodie that was currently on his desk chair. Walking into the warm lobby was a massive relief, and he took the stairs two at a time up to the room. His hand was trembling, probably from nerves _and_ fatigue, and it took a couple tries to get the key in the lock, but when he opened the door, Alex wasn’t there.

“Fuck.”

He’d clearly been there and left, his laptop was gone and the room still smelled very faintly of his lavender body wash. “He’s avoiding me. Still.” He couldn’t really blame him. Michael flopped down in his chair and pulled his phone out, sending him another text to join the myriad of other texts he hadn’t answered.

_Michael: I’m sorry Alex please talk to me._

_ Michael: Where are you? I’ll come to you if you want to talk somewhere neutral._

_ Michael: Please Alex. Please. I’m so sorry. Can we talk? Please?_

When he didn’t get a response, he dropped his phone on his desk and stared at the floor for a minute. He didn’t bother texting Maria this time. She was clearly just as pissed off as Alex was. He had no idea what to do with himself while he was waiting to see if Alex would answer his phone or come back to the room. _Homework, I guess._

Michael wasn’t sure how long he’d been working when he noticed it was dark, and Alex still hadn’t come back. “Fuck.” He grabbed his phone and texted Maria.

_Michael: Are you in your room? Can I come talk to you?_

_ Michael: Please?_

Michael watched the three little dots for a few seconds.

_Maria: Sure. Come on up._

Relieved that Maria would at least _talk_ to him, he grabbed his phone and keys and ran up the stairs to her room. The door was propped open a little ways with the pink gnome. He knocked anyway as he let himself in. “Maria?”

“Okay, now I know you’re serious, you used my first name.”

“I’m serious as a heart attack. Where’s Alex?” When Maria just raised an eyebrow, he continued. “I fucked up, I really fucked up, I just need to explain.”

“Uh huh.”

“Maria, I--” his voice broke and he started crying again. “I love him.”

“Then why did you fuck up his first kiss so royally that he was up all night crying?”

Michael hid his face in his hands. “Oh god, Maria.” He looked at her. “You know how some things you just shouldn’t joke about? My lab partners decided to make jokes about them. I have some really, really fucked up trauma in my past and I was _not okay._ I must have stopped crying before Alex came in, I know he would have noticed I was crying. I _never_ cry.” He gestured at his currently dripping face. “With this exception.” He took a Kleenex out of the box on her desk. “All I’ve wanted to do since the minute we met was kiss him. I fell in love with him the first time he smiled at me.” He was quiet for a moment, except for two swallowed sobs. “I was already turning away when he tried to kiss me and I didn’t realize it until he’d run away. I--” he choked on another sob. “I love him and I ruined it.”

“He’s really hurt.”

“I know. Even if doesn’t want anything to do with me now, I have to at least apologize.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, he loves you so much it’s a miracle of modern science that he can tie is fucking shoe laces in the morning.”

_Oh. He does love me._ “Do you know where he is? I _have_ to talk to him, Maria. I have to explain.”

She looked at him like she was trying to decide if she should tell him. It was an act, though, because for the first time since she’d met Michael Guerin, she could _feel_ him. And he was in _agony._ “Let me text him.”

_Maria: Hey where are you? _

_ Maria: Do you want food or something?_

_ Alex: I’m in zimmerman 258b_

_ Alex: I dont really want food but I forgot to bring water_

_ Maria: Okay, I’ll bring you a surprise, too._

“He’s in Zimmerman Library in room 258B.” She watched Michael brighten and smiled. “Don’t fuck this up, Guerin.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Michael grabbed her in a hug and kissed her cheek. “I will not fuck this up. Or if I do, you can kick my ass into next month.”

“I’ll hold you to that. Go.” She shooed him out of the room.

Michael basically ran to the library. He forced himself to calm down and breathe for a minute before going in so that he could collect his thoughts. _Just apologize. Just explain. Beg for forgiveness. Kiss him._ “Should be simple, right?” He walked in, and trotted up the stairs to the second floor.

Alex was struggling through an algebra problem when he heard a knock on the door. He’d been trying, unsuccessfully, to solve this equation for at least 45 minutes and even the calculator seemed to be sick of him. Glad he was going to have a brief distraction from his academic frustration, he got up to answer the door. He knew it was Maria so he didn’t even look up from his depressed contemplation of the floor to peek through the window.

It wasn’t Maria. 

It was Michael. 

Alex just stared at him for a minute, not even sure what his face was doing. Michael had his hands in his pockets but his shoulders were tense, and he looked like he was just barely holding himself together. He watched as Micheal rocked forward a little on his tiptoes before he said, “Hey, can we talk?”

Alex kept staring for a few seconds, before nodding a little and stepping back through the door. When he turned around, he saw that Michael had followed him and shut the door. He still looked nervous, but Alex couldn’t understand why he looked so lost. “Okay, talk.” He tried to sound like he was sure of himself, like Michael hadn’t ripped his heart out. But he couldn’t stop his thoughts from racing, about how Michael must have begged Maria to tell him where he was, and how Maria had obviously believed whatever he’d said to tell him. Had he told Maria _why_ he’d turned away from the kiss? Was it all a big mistake? _Was I wrong?_

Michael heard the tone of Alex’s voice and looked at him. He _sounded_ confident, and like he was a little annoyed. He _looked_ like he was scared and hurt, and his body language said he was bracing for worse news. The way he looked up at him through lowered lashes, though, said hopeful. He decided to completely forget the half-formed apology that was running through his head because actions speak louder than words, surged forward to cup Alex’s jaw, and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title: The First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes (the song playing over their first kiss in the museum and one of Michael Vlamis's favorite songs)
> 
> If you're reading this and there's no header graphic it's because I'm too tired to do one right now, it's really late. It will happen, though.


	14. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a holiday surprise, I'm posting a day early! I felt like I'd tortured you all enough with two cliffhangers in a row.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49290337058/in/dateposted-public/)

The kiss seemed to go on forever, but wasn’t long enough. When Michael pulled back, he was treated to seeing Alex’s eyes blink open in shock, and he smiled slowly. There were thousands of things that needed to be said, but Alex was leaning in for another kiss and that seemed like a way better idea than stumbling over words that couldn’t possibly tell him how he felt. Wrapping his arms around Alex’s waist and letting the other boy hold him in place with fingers in his hair while they kissed was a much clearer way of telling him how he felt than any of the apologies he’d practiced. Alex didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands, like he wanted to touch him everywhere at once, and he just went with it, responding however made sense, and making sure that he knew that Michael absolutely, 100% loved him.

Reality caught up to Alex eventually, and he jumped away with a gasp. Had he really just been making out with Michael or was he dreaming? He gave him that slow, sweet smile again, and Alex felt weak. Well, weaker. “Michael?”

Michael cupped his cheeks again. “Alex.” He pulled him close, and they squeezed each other tight. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

_Baby._ When Michael loosened his embrace, Alex searched his face. “Then why?”

He brushed Alex’s soft hair back from his face. It was getting long. “I didn’t realize you were trying to kiss me until after you’d run away. I was turning my head when you leaned in and I totally missed it.” Michael closed his eyes briefly. “Yesterday was bad. With Caden and Leon. They--” His voice broke. “They were--”

“Michael,” Alex started, voice soft, and pulled him close again. “Sweetheart.” When Michael clung to him, he wrapped his arms around his shoulders. He could tell he was trying not to cry. “You don’t have to tell me.” He felt Michael nod against his neck before he pulled his head up.

“I don’t even know _how_ they got on this topic, but they started off with wanting to know who would fuck an alien if they existed.”

“What the fuck?”

“Then, then, it devolved into what they’d do with aliens if they found them, and--fuck, I’m going to cry again.” He smiled a little when Alex stroked his hair. “Just, rounding them up, raping the women, doing experiements on them, things that I already wondered if happened to my own family--” 

“Jesus christ, Michael, I’m so sorry.” Alex brushed tears off of Michael’s cheeks. “That happened yesterday afternoon?”

Michael nodded. “Then when you came and sat with me, I was still thinking ‘who wants to fuck an alien’ and you looked at me and I just thought ‘I don’t deserve him’ but I swear, Alex, if I’d still been looking your direction when you tried to kiss me I would never have turned away.” To prove his point, he pressed a soft little kiss to Alex’s lips. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since the second we met.”

“I was so confused,” Alex admitted with a teary laugh. “I was so sure I was reading things right this last week when we almost kissed like 5 times.”

“You absolutely were,” Michael laughed, framing Alex’s face with his hands and kissing him again. “If you hadn’t coughed every single time and ruined it.” He grinned when Alex laughed. “Yesterday was just a bad fucking day.”

“I can’t believe I couldn’t tell you were in a bad mood. I can usually read people better than that. You looked like you needed someone to care about you.”

“And I did! I do! I swear to god, Alex. I would have done just about anything for you to hug me yesterday, I would not have avoided kissing you, and you ran away so fast.” He pressed a soft, slow kiss to those smiling lips. “I didn’t know if it would be okay to chase you, or go to Maria’s room.” 

“Chasing me would probably have been bad, I wouldn’t have wanted to have a scene in the hall, and I might have panicked if we were locked in the stairwell when you caught up to me.”

“I thought about that, with your history.” 

Alex nodded. “You could have come up to Maria’s room, I was really hoping you would.”

“I didn’t know if that was bad, I’ve never had a safe place or a best friend before. I’m sorry, baby.” 

“Oh, you didn’t think--” Alex felt relief wash over him. “You weren’t avoiding me, you were just afraid it wouldn’t be cool to come talk to me in Maria’s room?” 

“I didn’t want you to feel like I was cornering you in a place you thought was safe.”

“You’re amazing.” He traced the shape of Michael’s lips with his thumb, smiling when he pressed a soft kiss to the pad. “That was good thinking on your part. No matter how much I wish you had come to get me, the reason you didn’t is a good one.” 

“I was awake when you came in but you sounded so relieved to not have to talk to me that I just laid there and cried.”

“Oh fuck, I’m so sorry,” Alex answered, horrified, before pulling Michael tight against him and wrapping his arms around him. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart, god, you should have said something, I would have talked to you. I’m such an asshole.”

It felt so good to have his arms around Alex. “I was still wondering if maybe I didn’t deserve you.”

_“I_ don’t deserve _you,_ oh my god, Michael,” he answered. “I was already thinking that you were the best boyfriend _ever_ and you weren’t even my boyfriend.”

Michael pulled away a little so they could see each other clearly. “I was already thinking of myself as your boyfriend, honestly.” 

Alex thought his smile was probably bright enough to be seen from space. Michael certainly seemed dazzled by it. “It sounds like I have a boyfriend.”

“Kinda sounds that way, yah.” Michael could feel himself smiling wider than ever in his life. “Are we okay?”

“We will be if you kiss me again.”

This kiss was slower, and built up little by little, until Michael had pushed Alex against the desk and Alex had slid his hands under Michael’s shirt. Both of them were making sounds that were absolutely obscene, and finally Michael broke the kiss. “Can we go back to the room?”

Laughing breathlessly, Alex stood from where his ass was resting on the desktop. “The library probably isn’t the best place for this.” Unable to resist, though, he slid his arms around Michael’s waist and pressed his face against his neck, sighing happily when Michael wrapped him in his arms. He squeezed him hard before letting go and moving away. “Let me pack up my stuff.”

On the way out of the library, Michael held out his hand. Alex realized that Michael wasn’t just his boyfriend, he was _proud_ to be his boyfriend, and wanted everyone to know. Smiling tremulously, Alex linked their fingers, and they headed for the front doors. 

They both got a text just as they got to the door, and Michael pulled his phone out of his pocket.

_Maria: Well???????_

They both laughed, a little giddy. Michael held their joined hands out in front of them, and took a picture to send to Maria. 

_Maria: IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME! _

“I don’t want to let go of your hand to reply to her.”

“Then don’t,” Alex replied with a breathless laugh. “We can talk to her later.”

The walk back to the dorms was full of giggles, as they deliberately pushed into each other’s space and bumped into each other. Michael let go of Alex’s hand to put his arm around his shoulders, and Alex slid his around Michael’s waist. Michael was shivering and had serious goosebumps when they got back to the room, he’d run out of the building without a jacket on when he’d finally found out where to find Alex. 

They stumbled into the room; it was lit by the soft light of Michael’s desk lamp. Alex carefully lowered his backpack to the floor, it had his computer in it, but was immediately back in Michael’s arms, moaning into his mouth with the strange, sensual pleasure of Michael’s tongue stroking against his. Michael had him pressed against the bed frame, and Alex wanted his hands on his skin again. He pushed Michael’s shirt up, and Michael pulled it off over his head before reclaiming Alex’s mouth. It was almost too much, and he wanted his own shirt off, and took his hands off of Michael’s chest long enough to drop his jacket on the floor and get his t-shirt off. Michael helped, murmuring, “Take this off,” before cupping his jaw and kissing him again. 

Michael wasn’t sure how long they kissed, standing there chest to chest, running hands over each other, learning each other’s shape. Something pierced the fog of happy pleasure that was enveloping them both, and he pulled away with another soft kiss to Alex’s lips. He smiled at Alex’s confused face, kissing him again before he could start to feel awkward. “Hey.”

Alex nodded, starting to feel scared. “What?”

Seeing the fear, Michael cradled Alex’s jaw in his hands. “We’re not going to have sex tonight.” 

That was not what Alex was expecting to hear. “What?”

He smiled and kissed him again. “We’re not going from first kiss to sex in one night. We have time. There aren’t any authority figures that are going to catch us, we don’t have to worry that we’ll never get another chance, we live together.” He could see that Alex was still confused and worried. “I want you, in every way, Alex, I absolutely want to have sex with you, I’m so attracted to you that literally no one else on campus is even worth noticing.” He smiled at Alex’s little laugh. “But I don’t want your first time to be rushed because we’re high on getting together. I want you to know what you want by the time we actually have sex.” 

Relief flooded through Alex’s system and he relaxed. “I was starting to be afraid you’d changed your mind.” 

“No, baby. Never.” 

“And thank you, for waiting.” He felt like his cheeks were probably on fire. Alex actually had been nervous about possibly falling into bed tonight, and wasn’t sure he’d know what to do if Michael wanted it. 

“I don’t want you to have any regrets. We only get one first time.”

_I wouldn’t have said no, but I might have had regrets._ Michael was right about that. No regrets about his first time being with Michael, just regrets about it not being quite as...romantic as he wanted it to be, maybe? “Can we still make out, though? Preferably on a bed, with fewer clothes?” 

“Oh yes,” Michael answered, voice low. “I definitely want to do that.” He framed Alex’s face with this hands and kissed him again, soft and sweet. “Are you going to feel shy taking off your clothes?”

Alex laughed. He actually was nervous. “Well, since we’ve seen each other in just underwear, it seems stupid.”

“I know, just, it’s a different context. For the record, you have gorgeous legs.”

“Oh, thank you.” He put his arms around Michael’s waist and pressed his face against his neck. “I might have been getting off in the shower pretty much daily because you’re so fucking hot.”

“Really?” Michael laughed. He rubbed Alex’s back. “I’m glad I’m not alone in that.”

“One of the many reasons I bleach the bathroom every Sunday.”

Michael cracked up. _Hopefully soon we won’t have to jack off in the shower._ “I should have known.” He kissed Alex when he looked up, and smiled softly. “So, pants off?”

He nodded. “Yah.” Lowering his eyes, he slid his hands down Michael’s chest to his jeans and unbuttoned them. “I’ve really wanted to touch you like this.” He lowered the zipper and let his hands slip inside the parted denim, lightly touching his hips and down onto his ass. “The first time you took your jeans off I thought I was going to faint.”

Chuckling, Michael covered his hands. “Let me take my shoes off, totally forgot.” 

“I forgot that part too.” Alex reluctantly let go of Michael to step back so they could both get their sneakers off. 

Michael toed his shoes off and pushed his pants down over his hips and onto the floor. He stepped out of them, approaching Alex. “Still okay?”

Alex smiled and nodded. “Yah.” He happily moved back into Michael’s arms and sighed into a warm, loving kiss. He moaned softly when Michael ghosted his hands over his ass before attending to the button of his jeans. Alex held his breath, a little overwhelmed and a lot nervous for no reason as Michael unzipped his jeans and pushed them down over his hips. He was happy when Michael pressed their lips together again, and helped push his pants to the floor. It felt very different to be up against him with nothing on but their boxers, kissing, and running gentle hands over newly exposed skin. Even though Michael seemed okay with everything, Alex was starting to feel a little self conscious. He didn’t know why, Michael’d seen him without pants on, but the clothes, and the touching, and the kissing and he’d never done any of this before and god he hoped he wasn’t embarrassing himself. 

Breaking the kiss, Michael searched his face. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

“What?”

“You tensed up. Are you okay?” Michael moved his hands to Alex’s shoulders, rubbing softly. “Need to slow down?”

“No, actually,” Alex answered with a nervous chuckle. “I was just hoping I was doing okay since I’ve never kissed anyone before.” 

Michael kissed him very softly. “You’re doing great. Kissing is pretty instinctual.”

“Oh good.” He sighed happily when Michael ran his fingers through his hair. “I really love it when you play with my hair.”

“The feeling is mutual.” Michael laughed softly at the look on Alex’s face. “Still okay to get in bed?”

“Yah. Even if I didn’t want to keep going, I’m starting to get cold.”

Michael laughed in earnest at that, and watched Alex climb up into his bed. He followed a minute later to see Alex sitting up, pulling off his socks. “I always forget socks.” He settled next to him to remove his own.

“Are we both wearing alien socks?” 

They compared socks and started laughing. “It appears we are.”

“This is fate,” Alex laughed, throwing his socks on the floor. He hadn’t made his bed in the angst of the morning, and moved the blankets around so they could lay down. He stretched out on his side, closest to the wall. He was nervous, but tried not to show it. Instead he tried to let Michael know with his eyes that he was absolutely in love with him.

Socks thrown off the bed, Michael laid down to face Alex, smiling at the look of pure adoration on his face. He knew Alex loved him, and he hoped Alex knew he felt the same. It just didn’t seem right to tell him that the same night as their first kiss. _That might be too much pressure on Alex the first day of our relationship._ Instead he caressed his cheek and traced his jaw with gentle fingertips before Alex took his hand and kissed his fingers. “You are the sweetest thing, Alex Manes.” 

Alex smiled, feeling himself blushing. “I just, I really care about you. This isn’t all about me.” _You are my entire world and I love you with every fiber of my being._ “I don’t exactly know what to do, or what you like, but I want you to enjoy this as much as I will.”

Touched, and possibly even more in love than before, Michael pressed close to Alex and kissed him. And kissed him. And kissed him again until the other boy was moaning and he was making noises that he wasn’t sure he’d ever made before. He was careful with where he put his hands, not wanting to rush, even though rolling Alex onto his back and pinning him down sounded really fucking good. _Not tonight. _

“Michael,” Alex gasped, breaking the kiss. “I’m not going to shatter into a million pieces if you touch me. You don’t have to be so careful.” To emphasize that point, he slid his fingers down his back to cup his ass, squeezing a little. “Once Maria told me by brain was a filthy place. It is. Trust me.” He dove back into the kiss, surprising Michael, who made a noise that amused Alex to no end. 

He took Alex’s word, though and pressed himself flush against Alex’s body, sliding his leg between his, and making sure Alex could feel how fucking hard he was. He could tell Alex was just as turned on, which was good. He’d secretly feared that Alex wouldn’t actually enjoy intimacy and they’d have to work up to it. Physical abuse changed the way people coped with being touched in a lot of ways. He hadn’t needed to worry, though, and moaned when he felt Alex rock against him. Their kiss fell apart when Alex rolled back a little, pulling Michael on top of him. Unfortunately they were too close to the wall and had to rearrange themselves, which caused a lot of laughter.

“Downside of a twin bed,” Alex complained, laughing, as Michael moved so he could scoot more toward the middle of the mattress.

“For real,” Michael laughed. “Difference here is that it’s a lot farther to fall out of bed.”

Alex laughed. “Well, don’t get too far away from me, that will keep you safe.”

Michael looked at him, sparkling eyes and flushed cheeks, laying on his side looking at him like he hung the moon. “That’s an easy request.” He gathered Alex up in his arms and kissed him like he really would shatter into a million pieces. “Still okay?”

In response, Alex kissed him, demanding that Michael respond, and spearing his fingers through his hair. “Yes.” He claimed Michael’s mouth again, and took his hand, which was chastely on his hip, and moved it to his ass. “God, please touch me.” A terrifying thought crossed his mind. “Unless you don’t want to? Are _you_ okay?”

“I want to, I just don’t want you to feel pressured, I mean--” His careful explanation of going slow was cut off as Alex grabbed him and kissed him hard, then sweeping his tongue into his mouth. He wasn’t sure he’d ever been more turned on by a kiss. “Fuck, Alex.”

“I know you’re trying not to pressure me, I know you’re trying to keep this innocent, but please don’t. I’m 100% sure I want this, and I want it with you. I’m not going to freak out. I know we’re not going to have sex and I’m not going to ask for it when I know neither of us are ready to go there.” He kissed Michael again, more softly this time. “I trust you, sweetheart.”

Michael felt like he might be filled with actual light. “Baby.” He kissed Alex again, and this time he let the passion build, a little overwhelmed by Alex telling him he trusted him. His hands roamed over Alex’s body, and he relished the sweet moans and whispered sighs between kisses. And Alex’s hands were all over him, his chest, his back, his ass, in his hair, and then-- “Fuck, Alex!” cupping his dick through his underwear.

Alex laughed a little, and rubbed Michael’s cock. “Obviously I’ve never done this before, but I’m familiar with how this works.” He reached for a kiss and Michael met him in it, before he pulled back with a gasp. Every time Michael reacted with arousal and affection, his confidence increased. “Please, touch me.” He was so fucking hard he thought he was going to die. And this was _Michael._ He’d been fantasizing about Michael’s hands on his body for months.

“If you’re sure.” He searched Alex’s face for any minute hesitations, but it was hard to focus with that soft, teasing touch to his cock. “Fuck, Alex.” _I did not think this would go this far tonight._ He let his hand rest on Alex’s stomach.

Alex had absolutely had enough of Michael’s restraint, and stopped touching him long enough to move his hand where he wanted it. “Please, Michael.” 

Shock was really the only thing he felt for a second, before Alex’s plea to touch him sank in. Michael kissed him, tightening his hand on Alex’s cock and listening to him gasp. “Shh, I’ve got you.” 

“Oh my god.” The heat of Michael’s hand through his boxers was just as arousing as the gentle movement where he wanted friction. “Please don’t stop.” When Michael’s hand stayed soft and tentative, he used his own to tighten Michael’s fingers around him. “Please.”

“You’re a lot more confident and demanding than I imagined,” Michael murmured, grinning when Alex laughed breathlessly. He looked beautiful in the low light with his lips red from kisses and color high in his cheeks. “You’re sure you want this?”

Alex groaned, impatient, and slid his fingers into Michael’s curls to bring him closer to kiss. He whispered, “Yes,” before initiating a deep, passionate kiss. Every time Michael would pull away, he’d chase his lips and kiss him again. Apparently this convinced Michael that he actually, really, totally was ready for him to touch him because _finally_ started moving his hand with a purpose on his cock. “Fuck yes.” He panted for a second before resuming his exploration of Michael’s body and leaning back in for another kiss. _I’m never going to be sick of kissing him._

Michael was pretty sure that Alex’s hand on his cock was going to end him. One of the nice things about going to bed with guys was that even if they didn’t have much experience, they still knew what to do with male anatomy. And this was _Alex._ The boy he was head over heels for, who he’d been fantasizing about, who he’d wanted to kiss and touch and love for _months. _

They just kissed and sighed and touched each other for a little while, until Alex was sure that he needed to come. “Hey, is there any specific reason we’re still in our underwear?”

Michael looked at him. “Alex.”

He cupped Michael’s cheek. “You are so sweet. And so careful. And I know you think this needs to stay PG-13. But I really don’t want my first orgasm with another person to be in my pants.” 

Michael couldn’t help but laugh at that. “You have a point.”

“A very valid point,” Alex agreed before kissing Michael again. “If _you_ don’t want to, though, that’s fine.” _Disappointing, but fine. _

“No, baby, I want to touch you.” He kissed Alex softly, looking into his eyes. “I really didn’t expect you to be so comfortable with all of this tonight.”

“It’s because it’s you.” Alex smiled at him. “I know you and I trust you and you’re keeping me from feeling embarrassed by continuing to act like I know what I’m doing.”

He laughed again. “You’re doing fine. Better than fine. Surprisingly beyond fine.” Michael kissed Alex’s smile. “If you need to stop, you have to tell me. Promise?”

“Promise.” Alex smiled against Michael’s lips as he kissed him, and slid his fingers under the waistband of Michael’s boxers. He splayed his hand on his bare hip, squeezing a little, then teasing his fingers gently over the skin. 

Michael groaned. “Tease.” He rolled a little onto his back so that he could help Alex get his underwear off, surprised when Alex wanted to keep kissing him instead of watching what he was doing. He had to admit, it was more romantic that way. He kicked the boxer briefs off somewhere beside the bed. He looked up at Alex, wondering what was going through is head as he lay there with him, naked, for the first time. “Okay?”

Alex smiled. “God you’re gorgeous.” He cupped Michael’s cheek and kissed him softly. “I’ve wanted to see you like this for a long time. Not just naked,” he amended, “but open and trusting. And mine.”

“I’m yours.” It was nice to be wanted so much. “Still okay?”

“Still okay.” To prove it, Alex kissed him again, then trailed little kisses along his jaw and down onto his neck. “Completely okay.”

Alex kissing his neck was moan-inducing and Michael hoped their neighbors were gone. “Baby.”

“I like that you call me that,” he murmured, feeling a little shy for some reason. “I feel like I’m yours.”

Michael couldn’t do anything _but_ kiss him, sliding his hands into Alex’s hair and bringing him down to press their lips together. “I’ve felt like you were mine since we met. I’ve been calling you ‘baby’ in my head for a while.” 

He just looked into Michael’s eyes for a moment, smiling. “I’ve always been yours. It feels so good to be wanted, for someone to give a fuck about me.” He leaned down and kissed him again.

“I was thinking the same thing.” Michael traced the line of Alex’s cheekbone with his fingertips. “I think I’ve always been yours. We have matching love lines.”

“I know, it’s like something--”

“Cosmic,” Michael finished. 

Alex smiled, so in love he thought he was probably glowing. “Exactly. It’s like you came to Earth just for me.”

“Maybe that’s why I hatched at the right time to be the same age as you.” He liked that idea. A lot. “So we could find each other.” He smiled, so in love it almost hurt. “Come here, it’s been too long since I kissed you.”

Alex laughed and sank down to rest half on top of Michael so they could keep kissing. This was already the best night of his life, but the fact that they were going from awkward to sexy to emotional to playful felt so _normal,_ like he was a normal person with an amazing boyfriend who was making everything just seem okay. He’d had what he thought were probably really normal fears about how to act and what was the right thing to do but this was _Michael,_ who clearly _loved_ him, and everything was just...good. Alex still didn’t know exactly what to do, but everything he tried seemed to be the right thing, and Michael hadn’t reacted badly to anything. Or laughed at him, that had been a secret fear--that he’d be so clueless that he’d embarrass himself. But Michael made him feel confident and wanted and beautiful. 

Michael let Alex control the kiss for a minute, happy to just react to the attention. He felt like he’d achieved his goal of him feeling comfortable enough to enjoy himself their first time. Alex clearly liked to try things, and when he got positive feedback, he was bolder. And that was definitely a good thing, it was just surprising how bold and confident his sweet, innocent boyfriend was. _Sweet and innocent my ass._

After a few minutes Michael took control back, and pressed against Alex’s shoulders gently so that he’d turn on his side. He did more than that, though, he rolled onto his back and pulled Michael with him. They were too close to the wall again, but didn’t stop kissing. He was sure Alex had noticed his cock pressed against his hip, and he was eager to get his boyfriend out of his pants. The need to come was getting serious. He moved his hand down Alex’s stomach to rest just above the waistband of his boxers and pulled back so that he could look into his eyes. He knew he was smiling, and Alex was smiling back when he helped Michael pull his underwear down, and then off. Michael kissed him softly. “Still okay?”

Alex was kind of breathless, he was actually _naked_ with Michael. Who was also naked. It was amazing. “Still okay.” 

Michael took a minute to just take in the glorious sight of Alex Manes completely naked and in bed with him. “You’re beautiful, Alex.” He moved away a few inches. “Here, scoot over.” He waited for Alex to adjust then rested his weight on him. “Is this okay?” The way his head was tipped back against the pillows kind of answered that question, and he started kissing his neck. 

He moaned loudly, and tried to get out a yes, but figured the moan was enough of an answer. He liked Michael half on top of him, and thought he’d probably like being under him even more. When Michael bit down lightly on his neck, he gasped. 

“Yes or no?”

“God, yes.” Who knew a bite would feel that good? It was counterintuitive. When Michael increased the pressure he moaned again and managed another “yes,” while tipping his head to the side. 

“Like that?” Michael asked, not really expecting an answer. He moved down Alex’s neck, kissing and nipping, before sucking a mark onto his collarbone. Alex put his hand in his hair, keeping him in place, moaning softly. He moved to another spot, this time biting down, sucking on the skin and running his tongue over the abused flesh, and Alex tightened his fingers in his hair. _I think I’ve found something he really likes,_ he mused, happy. It didn’t hurt that marking Alex was making _him_ happy too. 

“Michael.” Alex waited for a soft, inquisitive sound before he continued. “Wanna touch you, too.”

He kissed his way back up Alex’s neck to kiss him deeply. “Want me to take care of you, baby?” He itched to have his hand on Alex. To feel him and fuck, to watch him come. 

Alex blinked at him. “You mean--” Michael smiled at him that slow, sexy smile that should come with a warning label. “God, yes.” _I’m probably going to last thirty seconds._

Michael held his eyes for a moment before he kissed him again. He built up the urgency between them again, and wrapped his hand around Alex’s cock, stroking slowly as Alex moaned before breaking the kiss with a gasp. “What do you like, baby?”

“Just, oh god,” Alex whimpered out, overwhelmed. “Don’t tease me? I need to come, god Michael--”

“I’ve got you.” Michael kissed him softly and tightened his grip. “You’re really wet.”

“Is that bad?”

“Course not, baby, it’s a good thing.” He watched Alex’s face as he worked him. “You’re gorgeous.”

Alex had hoped he’d last a little longer, but fuck, it was the first time anyone had ever touched him and he came with a choked shout, absolutely no thoughts remaining in his head.

“Fuck you’re beautiful, Alex.” Michael stroked him through his orgasm, but let go gently before he got too sensitive. Watching Alex pant was about as satisfying as anything he’d ever done sexually, and he kissed his shoulder as he came down. He smiled when Alex let out a soft sigh and turned his head. “Still okay?” Michael laughed along with Alex before kissing him. 

“Still okay.” He was sure every minute particle of love he felt for Michael was visible on his face. “Thank you.” He lifted a heavy arm to thread his fingers through Michael’s hair and pull him into another kiss. “Mind officially blown.”

That cracked him up, and he pressed a happy kiss to Alex’s smiling lips. “Just wait.”

They smiled at each other for a little bit before Alex adjusted and pushed on Michael’s shoulder. “Your turn, sweetheart.”

“You’re sure?” _Please say yes, fuck._

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” Alex scooted away a little. “Move closer to the middle, don’t fall off the bed, it would ruin the mood.”

Michael laughed, but moved over. “That would probably kill it, yah.”

Alex looked into his eyes, feeling shy and unsure. “You’ll have to tell me if I should do something different.”

“Come here,” he whispered, pulling him in for a kiss. “You can’t mess up.”

“Okay.” Alex leaned in to kiss Michael again, but pulled back to look where he was putting his hand. “Why am I so nervous?” 

“Because you’ve never don’t his before, and you’re afraid you’ll make me not want you anymore. Fyi, that’s not possible.” He took Alex’s hand and kissed his fingers. “Here.” He took Alex’s hesitant hand, and moved it to his cock, pulling a soft moan out of his own throat. “I’m so close, Alex, watching you come was almost more than I could handle.”

He laughed breathlessly at that, tightening his fingers around Michael and moving his hand. “You look so fucking hot, Michael.” He tried not to feel embarrassed when Michael helped him get it just right for him. It was weird not having the direct feedback of his own dick in his hand, but watching Michael’s face, and listening to him pant and moan, was unbelievable. 

Michael felt the moment that Alex stopped feeling self conscious and started to get into what he was doing, and it was fantastic. “Baby, like that,” he whispered, so close he thought he’d die. “So close.” 

Alex hand never realized that he’d want to watch someone else come so badly, but he really needed to see Michael come. Experimentally, he tightened his fingers a little, and Michael shouted and arched up into his hand.

“Fuck, Alex, baby,” he babbled, something similar to “yes” groaning out of his throat as he tipped over into orgasm, feeling Alex still stroking him through it. “Fuck.” He stilled his hand before it started to hurt. “Alex.” He reached up for a kiss, and sighed into it when Alex immediately pressed their lips together before slipping his tongue into his mouth. His brain was offline, but he did absently note that Alex had figured out what to do with his tongue really fucking fast. He had to pull away to breathe, but felt Alex’s lips on his temple and cheek, and smiled happily. 

Laying on the pillow watching Michael breathe after he’d made him come was high on the list of best things ever for Alex. “You’re so gorgeous, sweetheart.”

Michael turned his head, happier than he’d ever been after sex. “I love it when you call me ‘sweetheart.’”

Alex leaned in and kissed him softly. “I’ve been calling you sweetheart mentally for a while now.”

“I was waiting, until I’d told you, to start anything,” Michael explained. “I had to know I could trust you with that. I want this to last.”

“I want this forever, Michael.” Alex felt himself tearing up. “And a relationship can’t be based on secrets. Thank you for trusting me.”

“I wanted to tell you as soon as I met you.”

“I would probably have been freaked out if you’d confessed to being an alien with telekinesis the day we met.”

Michael laughed. “Ya think?” 

Alex snuggled into Michael’s side, head on his shoulder. “Can we sleep together all the time now?”

“That would definitely be my preference.” He turned a little on his side, so he could wrap his arms around Alex, and sighed happily when Alex reciprocated. “I love sleeping with you.”

“You’re so snuggly, I love that.” He kissed the warm skin under his lips. “I feel so safe with you.”

“That may be the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.” He knew that was a huge deal for Alex. 

They luxuriated in the warmth of each other’s arms for a few minutes, until Michael had to share one of the unfortunate truths of sex with his new boyfriend. “Baby, if we don’t clean up we’ll be glued to each other.”

Alex laughed and rolled away from him. “Ugh, so unsexy.” He forced himself to sit up, and just looked down and Michael, smiling. “Wanna see if we both fit in the shower at once?”

“Why did I ever think you were sweet and innocent?”

“I started doing the math to see if we’d both fit on move in day.” He grinned when Michael laughed. “You have to get up before I can.”

“You’re so needy.” Alex looked so happy, it was just breathtaking. “I just keep wanting to stare at you and think about how I get to kiss you now.”

“You can kiss me anytime you want.” Alex leaned down and kissed Michael softly. “Come on, shower.”

They learned that they _could_ both fit in the shower, and still have a little room to spare. “Want me to wash your hair?” Michael asked, enjoying the hot water with Alex in touching distance. 

“Yah,” Alex breathed. “I’ll return the favor.”

Michael poured the shampoo into his hand and then worked it into Alex’s wet hair. “Don’t moan too loud, Dean and Seamus will know what’s going on.”

Alex laughed a little, goosebumps all over his body despite the hot water. “Oh my god, Michael.”

“Feels good, huh?” He scratched lightly and Alex really did moan, pulling a laugh out of him. “Are you actually liking this better than sex?”

“It’s close,” Alex laughed. “Let me rinse before I just die.” He worked the conditioner in himself, since he really didn’t need that much stimulation in one shower. “Your turn, sweetheart.”

Michael was sure he was experiencing nirvana. This was better than when Alex had combed his hair. “Baby.” He listened to Alex chuckle, and tried not to moan. When he felt Alex’s nails he did moan, and Alex shut him up by kissing him. 

“Hush, Dean and Seamus are going to kill us,” he teased. 

“I have to let the conditioner sit for a minute, it works better that way.” 

Alex grabbed Michael’s blue loofah. They’d upgraded to loofahs after Maria had ridiculed them for still using washcloths like it was the dark ages. “Want me to wash your back?”

“Mmm.” He turned around so that Alex could return him to nirvana. “I love this.”

He kissed Michael’s shoulder. “Then I’ll do this for you anytime that I can.” He squirted Irish Spring onto the loofah and lathered it up before scrubbing his boyfriend’s back, earning him another soft moan. “This is completely selfish, I want to touch your ass again.”

Michael laughed. “I should have known.” He enjoyed Alex washing his back, and his ass, although that was more teasing than really thoroughly cleansing. “Here, let me rinse the conditioner out.”

“Your hair is so long when it’s wet.” 

“Here, I’ll wash your back, baby.” 

“I feel so spoiled.”

“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. You’re gonna be as spoiled as possible for a broke college student.”

Alex laughed but it melted into a soft moan when Michael started washing his back. “Okay, that’s amazing.” 

“We should probably actually wash up and get out before the guys need to use the bathroom,” Michael murmured after a few minutes. 

“Sigh.” 

When they were back in the room, Alex combed Michael’s hair again. “This time you better actually kiss me,” he demanded, drawing a laugh from Michael. 

“Hey, Alex, are you starving?”

“Fuck you, asshole,” Alex laughed, yanking on a lock of Michael’s hair lightly. “But yes.”

“Can I ask you out on a date? Do you want to get a late dinner?”

“I’d love to.”

“Our first date.”

Alex laughed softly and kissed the side of Michael’s neck. “I was thinking of all the times we’ve gone out together as dates, honestly.”

Michael grinned. “Me too. But this will be our first official date.”

“Should I dress up?”

“I guess that depends on where we’re going, what time is it?”

Alex turned around and sorted through their pants to find Michael’s phone. “Is your lock screen a selfie of us?”

“Uh, yah.” _How embarrassing._

“So’s mine.”

“Really?” Michael took his phone when Alex offered it to him. “It’s been that pic forever.”

“Same here. My computer wallpaper was a picture of us for a long time, too.”

Michael held out his arms for Alex, who went to him and let him wrap his arms around his waist and rest his head on his stomach. “I’ve been gone on you for a long time.”

“So have I. Like, from the beginning. I was so afraid that you and Maria would fall for each other.”

He looked up. “There was never any chance of that happening, I knew I wanted to be with you before I ever met her.” Alex’s stomach growled right under his face and Michael laughed. “Okay, let’s get dinner. What actual time is it? I don’t remember the last thing I ate.”

Alex picked up Michael’s phone again. “9:11, wanna do IHOP? I could go for hot chocolate and pancakes.”

“That sounds great.” 

“I know I didn’t eat dinner last night or anything today, I was too upset. I did have hot chocolate in Maria’s room. Do you like whipped cream or marshmallows?”

“Whipped cream. But marshmallows are good too.” 

It was cold on the way to the restaurant and they were both glad to get to their destination. Even with the heat blasting in the truck, it wasn’t all that toasty. Alex was thinking longingly of hot chocolate. 

“Hey, Alex?”

He looked over at Michael, standing waiting for someone to take them to a table. It was Friday night, and IHOP was crowded. “What’s up?”

“Is it okay to hold your hand?”

Alex slipped his hand into Michael’s. “Yah of course.”

“Just wanted to be sure.”

“I don’t know if I’d want to, like, make out in front of this many people, but I’m cool with holding hands.” He grinned when Michael laughed. “I want people to know we’re together.”

“Me too.” 

They lucked out and got a booth, and spent dinner teasing each other like they normally did. Alex complained about the algebra problem he couldn’t figure out, Michael complained about lab but explained that he had been relieved more than annoyed that Caden and Leon hadn’t shown up. 

“I’m glad Jaime and Krista and Jenny were there for you, though,” Alex said, feeling bad. He reached across the table and Michael took his hand. “Junko and Jill put up with me while I was a basketcase this morning.”

“I’m sorry, baby.”

“No, don’t be, it’s okay.” He squeezed Michael’s hand. “Everything worked out. I was confused, you were confused, our friends were confused, we were all confused.”

Michael laughed at that. “Okay, yah, that describes it pretty well.”

“I’ll do my best to never fuck up that badly again.”

“Oh, baby, no,” Michael argued, “Of course you were upset. You didn’t fuck up. I fucked up by not paying enough attention to you because I was a mess.”

“No,” Alex argued back, “If I didn’t fuck up, neither did you. You didn’t notice me because you were totally messed up by the Tweedles. No, sweetheart, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“We can put this behind us and move on?”

Alex nodded. “Yah, that’s perfect.” 

By the time they were done eating, they were both certifiably exhausted. “I think I slept three hours.” Michael yawned as they were paying, and apologized to the cashier, who just laughed.

“I didn’t sleep at all, I don’t know how I’m still functioning.”

They just barely made it up to the room, laughing at each other about how much they looked like the walking dead. “Why did we take the stairs?”

“I don’t know, we’re stupid?” Alex could hear that he was whining. 

They just stripped down to undies and climbed into Alex’s bed. Michael used the last of his resources to grab his pillow and float it across the tiny room. He sighed happily, though, when Alex cuddled up to him, head on his chest. “Comfy baby?”

“Mhm.” Alex kissed the warm skin under his lips. “So happy.”

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLLLUUUUFFFFFF
> 
> Chapter Title: Breathe - Faith Hill
> 
> I haven't written chapter 15 yet so I might not get it posted by next Sunday.


	15. Young Folks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more fluff to relieve the stress of the 'epic multi-tiered angst fest' I put you guys through in chapters 12 and 13.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49342593957/in/dateposted-public/)

Michael woke to his favorite thing in the world - Alex in his arms. He sighed happily. _He’s mine now. He’s my boyfriend. He loves me, I love him, this can be perfect if we try._ Of course, nothing was _actually_ perfect, but he was sure that Alex was just as committed to making this work as he was, and that they’d both fight for their relationship. _It’s brand new, this is our first morning together, but I feel like this was just a logical progression. Not a shock or a surprise. Just, it was supposed to happen._ He kissed Alex’s forehead, both elated and relieved that he had the chance to do it without being afraid Alex would wake up and they’d have to have an awkward conversation. _I’m so glad he knows, and our relationship can be open and based on trust. _ Wasn’t that what everyone wanted in a relationship? _And I actually have it._

Alex hummed softly and cuddled closer. He was probably cold, even Michael could tell it was cold in the room. _We probably forgot to turn the heat on when we came in._ He concentrated on the thermostat, and clicked the heat on. Since he couldn’t actually see it, he couldn’t adjust the temperature, but any heat would be good. 

He dozed off again, and woke up to Alex murmuring his name and kissing his jaw. “Morning baby.”

“Mm, morning. I love waking up with you.” He pulled away enough that they could smile at each other. “I think this is probably the best morning I’ve ever had.”

“I think so, too.” Michael moved forward a few inches and kissed him. “I’ve only gotten to wake up with someone once.” _Fuck. I shouldn’t have said that._

“It’s nice.” Alex noticed Michael’s wince, and smiled and kissed him. “I’m not going to be upset that you were with people before. Well,” Alex amended, “As long as you’re not describing things in graphic detail. Like the drunk Halloween party sex.”

Michael laughed softly. “I won’t describe anything in graphic detail. I promise.” 

“Thank you.” Alex kissed him again. “When did you get to wake up with someone?”

“I had a boyfriend in high school that our parents thought we were ‘just friends’ and let me spend the night once. His parents figured it out pretty fast the morning after when they caught him kissing me in the kitchen. After that I was _not_ allowed to spend the night and he was grounded for a week.”

Alex laughed. “That’s kinda funny, but I bet it wasn’t at the time.”

“No, at the time I was terrified. But they didn’t tell my foster parents and still let us hang out, just not with the door shut. He was scared too, since he’d just outed himself to his parents, but they weren’t upset that he was gay, just that he’d snuck a boy in for naughty things.”

“That’s really best case scenario for getting caught.” Alex kissed him again. “I don’t really want to hear more about your ex-boyfriend right now if that’s okay.”

“Of course, baby, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry,” Alex replied, cupping his cheek. “I’m just glad you got to be happy for a little while.”

“For a little while, yah. You’re the sweetest thing, Alex.”

“You inspire sweetness. You deserve all the sweetness in the world.” To prove that, he kissed him again. 

“I can already tell you’re going to be the best boyfriend.”

“I’ll always try.” Alex was serious now. “I don’t know how to have a relationship, but I’ll always try. I’ll always be committed to keeping us together.”

“Me too, baby.” He snuggled closer. “Mm, Alex, are you happy to see me?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” he giggled. “Normal physiological reaction, right?” He rocked against Michael and listened to him sigh softly. 

There was very little hesitation about removing each other’s undies this time, and the passion built quickly between them. Unable to resist, Michael rolled Alex onto his back and pinned him down, grinning when Alex responded with a shuddering sigh. “Do you like me on top of you?”

“Uh huh,” Alex answered breathlessly, also nodding so as to leave no room for doubt. Going on instinct, he spread his legs so Michael could lie between them, and felt their anatomy come in contact. “Oh god.”

Michael chuckled, a deep, filthy sound, before leaning down to kiss Alex thoroughly. He started gently rolling his hips, trying to get everything aligned just right, and Alex broke the kiss with a shout and grabbed his hips when he’d achieved his goal. “Feel good?”

Experimentally, Alex arched against him, and the movement of Michael’s cock against his own was _amazing._ “Fuck.” He hadn’t considered this configuration before and wondered if there was a name for it. “Don’t ask if I’m still okay.” He grinned when Michael laughed. He moaned when Michael started moving again. “Oh god, don’t stop.”

“Here, move with me,” he instructed, helping Alex find the rhythm that let them grind against each other with the perfect balance of pressure and friction. “Like that, baby, so good.”

Alex was almost overwhelmed by how good it felt, and knew he wasn’t going to last long, but couldn’t get any words out to warn Michael. All he could do was make desperate sounds as he clung to Michael and let the pleasure wash over him until he came with a strangled cry. Michael started to slow, and he quickly stopped him. “No, don’t, keep going, I need to feel you come.”

“Fuck Alex.” It probably took less than a minute to groan out his own orgasm and he collapsed onto Alex’s chest when his arms just gave up. He felt Alex drape his arms over his back and kiss his temple and sighed happily. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Alex laughed, still breathless. “Waking up with you just got even better.”

Michael laughed. “The feeling is mutual.” He lifted himself up to rest on his elbows, and smiled down at Alex, who looked very satisfied indeed. “You’re so fucking sexy.”

“Really?” Alex grinned. “If you keep complimenting me I’m going to get pretty full of myself.”

“I will shower you with compliments, darlin’.”

Alex searched his eyes. “When you said it before, did you mean it as a real endearment?”

“What, ‘darlin’?” He waited for Alex to nod. “Yah, I did. Playfully, but I meant it.”

“I hoped so.” Alex brought Michael down for a kiss with a hand in his hair. “You always say that when I compliment you.”

“Aw shucks, darlin’,” Michael drawled, making Alex laugh. “I do say that when I’m embarrassed because someone says something nice about me.”

“I guess I’ll hear it a lot then. I’ll start with ‘you’re fucking gorgeous’ and follow it up with ‘I’m really fucking sticky and want a shower.’”

Michael cracked up and carefully moved off of Alex, grimacing about the aforementioned stickiness. “The downside to frottage.”

“I had seriously never thought about sex like that, and didn’t know there was a name for it.”

“I hadn’t either the first time.” _Stop talking about your old boyfriends you moron._

“It’s not exactly something you see in porn,” Alex laughed. “Too innocent.”

“And can be almost as enjoyable in underwear, so yah, too innocent.”

“Huh.” Alex watched Michael drop down off the bed. “Do you think we can get away with showering together again?”

Michael opened the bathroom door and listened. “I have no idea what time it is, but it’s completely quiet next door. We should still hurry.”

Alex jumped down, happy that he could now that his ribs were healed. “Hurry, hurry, hurry.” He shooed Michael into the bathroom. 

This time they washed themselves, making it quick, but enjoying being together. And kissing under the hot water was a huge bonus in Alex’s opinion. “We should take a long shower sometime when we know the guys are gone and won’t get pissed at us.”

“I will not argue with that.”

One of their suitemates was, in fact, knocking on the door as they were dying off. “Hurry up, Guerin.”

“Hang on,” Michael replied, and ushered Alex out of the bathroom and unlocked the door. “How’d you know it was me?”

“It’s 9am, there’s no way Alex is up. Get out.”

Michael laughed his way out of the bathroom and shut the door. Alex was looking in the mirrored closet door when he walked in. “What’s up?”

Alex turned and gave him a raised eyebrow. “This is purple,” he commented, pointing at his chest.

“Well, you did tell me you got colorful bruises.” He laughed when Alex rolled his eyes. “Does it bother you? You seemed to enjoy it when I was making those marks.”

“No. I kinda like it.” He blushed and smiled shyly. “I did like you biting my neck.”

“I’m glad.” Michael pulled Alex into his arms and kissed him. “Will it bother you if you have marks on your neck?”

“I guess it depends on how big the hickeys are,” Alex answered, giggling. “I can always cover them with makeup if I have to.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” 

“Junko will roast me.”

“Yah, my friends would roast me too.” He thought about it a minute. “I really don’t care.”

Alex giggled again. “I can’t believe this is my life now.”

Michael kissed him again. “Ain’t it grand?” He smiled when Alex held him tight and pressed his face against his neck. “You okay?”

He looked up. “Just a little overwhelmed. I’m so happy, but so scared I’ll mess up and lose you.”

“Never baby. You can’t mess up that bad.” Michael was 100000% sure that Alex would ever do something that fell into his non-negotiable list. “I know you’ll never cheat on me, you won’t suddenly become violently abusive, you won’t kill anyone without a really good reason--” he paused when Alex laughed, “--and you won’t reject me for being me.”

“You’re right, I’ll never do those things.” Alex kissed him. “I mean, no matter what happens, I’d never betray you that way. I’ll never share your secrets, either.”

“I know. I trust you.”

Alex stepped away. He was starting to get cold just wearing his boxers. “Just out of curiosity,” he asked, reaching into his closet, “What’s a really good reason to kill someone?”

Michael laughed. “It’s kind of situational.”

“Oh, I see.” He pulled on his green cashmere sweater. “So, like, taking the last piece of garlic bread would _not_ be a good reason?”

“See? Situational. Garlic bread is sacred.” He rubbed Alex’s arm. “This sweater defies logic. It’s made from goats. How can goats be this soft?”

“Just goat hair,” Alex laughed. “Not, like, whole goats.” He leaned close and kissed Michael. “I said you can borrow it if you want.”

“It’s too nice. I’m more of a hoodie kinda guy.”

“Hey, we should get breakfast then go get UNM hoodies.”

“Both good ideas.” Michael brushed Alex’s damp hair back from his forehead. “Breakfast date?”

“Yah.” Alex wasn’t sure he would ever stop smiling. “But we should talk to Maria sometime today since she sorta made this happen.”

“Ugh, fine,” Michael complained dramatically. “She might want a hoodie too, you never know.”

“Yah, she totally would want one. I wonder if they have leopard print?”

Michael got dressed and put on his warmer hoodie, and Alex put on a black jacket over his sweater. “What’s that made of?”

“Well, it’s supposed to look like a wool peacoat, but it’s actually just jersey fleece like a hoodie.”

“It looks really snazzy.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

They walked to Starbucks, glad they’d worn their warmer jackets since it was unusually damp. Since Michael had paid for dinner, Alex got their coffee and cake, and they sat away from the windows, which seemed to be leeching all the warmth out of the store. 

“How many coffee dates have we had now?” Alex asked, smiling. “Because they were all dates, you can’t change my mind.”

“No, they were all dates, that was the intention anyway.” Michael felt the side of his cup, it was still too hot to drink. “The movies we’ve seen were dates too.”

“Absolutely.” Alex reached across the table, and Michael took his hand, just like they had the night before. “I’m so happy.”

Michael smiled and squeezed his hand. “That’s what I want, to make you happy.”

“As long as you let _me_ make _you_ happy, then everything is perfect.” _As perfect as anything can be, anyway._

“You’re doing a good job of it already.”

They were almost finished when they both got a text, and pulled out their phones. 

_Maria: Good morning! Juicy details about your first night together please._

Alex groaned and Michael laughed.

_Michael: A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell._

_Maria: Good thing you’re not a gentleman._

_Alex: Rude_

_Alex: My bf is absolutely a gentleman_

_Michael: Aw shucks, darlin’. _

_Maria: First of all, that’s adorable Alex. _

_Maria: Second of all, Guerin, I’ve met you. _

_Maria: Third of all, Alex, how did you spell ‘absolutely’ correctly in a text?_

They both laughed out loud. 

_Alex: I can spell I just dont usually pay attention_

_ Alex: I dont care as long as you can figure it out_

_ Maria: Do you have autocorrect turned on? Predictive text?_

_ Alex: Yah thats why sometimes they make no sense_

_ Alex: And it doesnt really work _

_ Michael: You really should design a different keyboard app_

_ Alex: #goals_

Michael laughed. “You’re such a dork.”

“Shut up.” He kicked him lightly under the table. 

“Why do you always retaliate when I’m mean to you?”

Alex cracked up. “Oh, what, I should just let you be a dick and not respond? Sure.”

Michael was serious for a minute. “Hey, I don’t ever want to actually be mean. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, okay? If I do, you have to tell me.”

He set down his phone so he could take both of Michael’s hands. “You’re never mean to me. Any time you even suspect you’ve hurt my feelings you apologize. I don’t want you to change or stop joking around.” 

“Okay.”

“And you have to promise me the same thing. If I upset you, you have to tell me.” Alex took a deep breath. “I think we’re probably both used to hiding how upset we are, and that we’re hurt, because we couldn’t show it growing up. It’s something we’ll both have to work on.”

“Very insightful of you.” 

“I kinda hold it all in until I break down.”

Michael pondered that. “If I let it build up, I get angry. I don’t want to get to the point where I’m seriously angry at you.”

“Maybe we should check in with each other? Just ask for an update and if we’re doing okay?” Alex looked down for a minute. “I might be afraid to tell you when I’m scared about something or upset because I want to keep things peaceful and not lose you.”

“Look at me, baby.” Michael waited for Alex to meet his eyes. “Check-ins are a good idea. I try really hard to hold things in so I don’t explode and say things I don’t mean. And you won’t lose me, Alex.” He took a breath. “I also don’t want to wreck things and lose you.”

“You won’t lose me, sweetheart.” He thought about what he’d read online...and what he’d learned from Rosa’s love life. “We can’t get to the point where we’re just doing everything to stay together even though we’re unhappy. We have to work out what’s wrong so we’re good, not just burying what’s messed up. Rosa, Liz’s sister, has gone through that more than once, where she’s just so desperate to keep her girlfriend that she’ll do anything, and it’s not good.” 

“I’ve never thought of that.” He thought about it for a second. “I don’t think I ever got a chance to have that kind of thing happen on my end, and I want to think I’ve never made someone feel that way.” He smiled. “How did you learn all this relationship stuff? And stuff about yourself?”

“Google.” Alex grinned when Michael laughed. “No, I couldn’t get help for my problems, so I looked for ways to help myself. There are lots of articles online and whole websites devoted to explaining behavior and why abused kids do things and how to look for warning signs in relationships.” 

“I never thought about that.”

“Liz’s mom isn’t around. She’s mentally ill and disappeared. I think that’s why Rosa has so many issues with being abandoned by her relationships. Or, well, the research Liz and Maria and I did said that.”

_Is there just a problem with parents in Roswell?_ “You’re the sweetest thing. You’re a good person, Alex, and you’re already my best friend. We’ll be okay as long as we try.”

“Jill told me that communication was a huge deal yesterday, and she’s so right. It’s just hard.”

“That’s the truth.”

“It’s freezing in here, and I’m done with my coffee, wanna head back?” 

They ran into Dean and Seamus outside their door, as they headed for the dining hall. “Okay, Alex, it’s not noon, how are you awake?”

“Fuck you, Dean. And I do wake up early sometimes.”

Seamus laughed. “He’s mad because Felicity called him at the crack of 9am.” He gave them a once over. “Obviously you’ve already had breakfast, or I’d invite you to join us.”

“Yah, we went to Starbucks.” Michael didn’t know if Alex wanted them to know they were together yet.

“Coffee date.”

“What?” Dean and Seamus comically looked at each other. “Get the fuck out. Are you two finally dating?”

Michael laughed loudly and Alex shushed him. “Did every single person on campus think we should get together?”

“Everyone who’s seen you together, so at least this entire floor.” Dean laughed. “It’s about fucking time.”

“Congrats, gentlemen.” Seamus bowed dramatically. “Try to keep the noise down.”

Alex thought his face might catch flame. “When you stop blasting Backstreet Boys at 3am.”

“He’s gotcha there, Seamus.” Michael laughed when the other boy just couldn’t get words out. 

“Don’t try to defend yourself. Breakfast.”

Michael let them into the room, and they took off their coats. “To be fair, he only blasted Backstreet Boys at 3am once.”

“Uh huh, and the entire floor came out to see him dancing in the hallway and singing along. I didn’t know it was possible to be that embarrassed.”

“At least three people took video and put it on Twitter.” 

“And he wasn’t even drunk.” Alex sat in his desk chair. “We should do laundry today.”

“Yah the bedding might need some attention.” He laughed when Alex looked embarrassed. “No regrets?”

“Nope, absolutely none.” He held out his hands, and Michael come over so he could put his arms around him. “You know I like to be touched, if I annoy you because I’m so clingy please tell me.”

“Unless I’m in a shitty mood, I also like to be touched. When I’m pissed off I get irritated with people touching me.”

“I’ll pay attention, then.” Alex made a face. “I wish we had somewhere to sit besides our beds and our desk chairs.”

“Yah, a couch would be nice.” Michael stepped away. “If we put both desks under your bed, we’d have to turn them sideways and be back to back, we could possibly get a loveseat or a futon under mine.”

Alex laughed. “I don’t think there’s enough space for both of our desks under one bed, and I think either piece of furniture would stick out too far and we wouldn’t be able to walk in here.”

“You’re probably right.” Michael continued to ponder, walking around and looking at the floor. “What if we got a futon mattress just to put on the floor? We could roll it up in the corner when we’re not using it, but then we could spread out a little when we’re just chilling.”

“Huh, that might work. Maybe some big pillows like Maria has?” 

“That could be cozy for watching movies.” Michael snickered. “Soft blankets that would feel good ‘on any part of the body’ maybe?”

“Shut up.”

Maria texted them before Michael could tease Alex about the blankets.

_Maria: What are you lovebirds up to today?_

_ Maria: Or should I even ask?_

Alex laughed. 

_Alex: Were going to the bookstore to buy hoodies_

_ Alex: Do you want to go_

_ Alex: Idk if they have leopard print_

_ Michael: They might have pink._

_ Maria: Leopard print would be fantastic! I’d settle for pink._

_ Maria: Are you going now?_

“Wanna head over now? Let DeLuca see us holding hands?”

“Sure,” Alex laughed.

_Alex: Were going now come downstairs_

_ Michael: We’re both already wearing pants._

_ Maria: Praise the Lord. Be right there._

Michael let Maria in when she knocked. “See? Pants.”

“Did you guys already go somewhere today?”

Alex nodded. “Yah, we went for coffee.”

“Breakfast date.”

“Aw!” Maria flapped her hands at them. “That’s so cute! Your first date!”

“We went to dinner last night,” Alex corrected. “Neither of us had eaten anything and were ready to gnaw on our desk chairs.”

“Okay, that’s also cute.”

“And we were both already considering everything we did together dates, so, yah.” Alex pulled his jacket back on. “Would you really buy a leopard print UNM hoodie?”

“Absolutely.”

They walked over to the bookstore with Maria begging them for details of what they’d done the night before and both of them just telling her different things about their date at IHOP and falling asleep because they hadn’t slept. It was comical how frustrated she was getting with not hearing the dirt she wanted, but there was no way either of them were going to share anything personal. Michael figured Maria would probably drag information out of Alex when they were alone, but her interrogation wasn’t going to work on them when they were together. 

“Okay, leopard print hoodies. You boys are both thin, you could wear a ladies extra large.”

“No.”

“No.”

“Fine, don’t be fashionable.”

Michael and Alex headed into the men’s section, looking at all the variations on University of New Mexico school pride. “I kinda think I’ll stick to black.”

“Of course you will.” Michael browsed through some of the merchandise. “Some of these are just too...I don’t know the word. There’s just too much going on, too many words and designs and text and stuff.”

“The word for that is ‘busy.’” Alex pulled out a black and red striped pullover with UNM in white letters. “I feel like I’d look like a cartoon character in this.” 

“I don’t know, it’s kinda cool.”

“They only have small and extra small, so it’s a no anyway.” 

“What do you think of this one?” Michael held up a plain black pullover with UNM in red letters on top of bigger white letters. It was the sorta pinkish red that was the official school color. 

“Are the letters sewn on?” Alex asked as he walked over. He took the hoodie from Michael. “This is really well-made.” 

“Feel how soft it is inside.”

“Ooo, it’s polar fleece. Cozy.”

“I think I’m going with this one.” Michael held it up to his body to make sure it was the right size. “This looks good, right?”

“It does.” He looked at Michael. “Would it be totally lame if I got the same one? I like that one the best.”

“No, ‘course not. But we’ll look like _that_ couple.”

Alex laughed. “I know, and I have a feeling we’ll wear them on the same days a lot.”

“Let’s hope DeLuca didn’t get the same one.”

They wandered over to the ladies section to find Maria talking to a couple other girls, debating the merits of different sweatshirt options. One of them was, in fact, hot pink with University of New Mexico is black fancy lettering with gold metallic accents. The other was black and the same design as theirs, but with leopard letters instead of white.

“Oh my god, Maria, how are you going to choose?” Alex asked as they walked up. “This is just cruel and unusual punishment.”

“I know! And they’re too expensive to get both.”

“I vote leopard, DeLuca, since it’s supposedly a neutral.”

“And you’d kinda match us, we got these.” Alex held up his hoodie. “We could be triplets.”

“Zoey should get the leopard one, too,” Michael suggested. “We’d look like the biggest dorks.”

“Wait, Guerin, did you get the same one as Alex?” She laughed. “You’re going to be _that_ couple.”

“To be fair,” Michael stated, “Even if we weren’t dating, we both probably would have gotten this one.”

“Totally.” Alex waited a breath. “Because black-on-black isn’t an option.”

“You know, if they had black-on-black for you and a patchwork of all the colors on my truck, we’d have to get them.”

“Maybe a stripe pattern of all the colors,” Alex suggested.

“You guys are dorks.”

“Alex is a dork.”

“You’re also a dork, Guerin.” Maria put the pink sweatshirt back. “I think leopard wins.” She thanked the other girls for the moral support during her tough choice and they headed toward the registers. “Do you want to get water bottles or cups or anything?” 

“I think this hoodie is about as much money as I can handle spending,” Michael replied. “Why are these so expensive?”

“No idea. Probably because they know we’ll pay an arm and a leg to get school merch.” Alex shook his head. “Do you think they’d actually take a leg for tuition and stuff? I mean, I have two.”

“Can you see the headline? ‘Roswell boy amputates leg to avoid student loan debt.’” Maria grinned when Michael laughed. “You guys have scholarships, you don’t need to give up limbs. I, on the other hand, might need to sell a kidney.”

“You have two, I don’t see a problem with that.”

They headed back to the dorms pleased with their purchases. “I think this hoodie will be good for skating when it’s cold,” Alex enthused. “It’s really warm and lined with fleece but not bulky and won’t catch too much air.”

“You haven’t skated this year, have you?”

Alex shook his head. “My ribs. They’re healed, but I’m afraid to do anything that might break more bones so soon.”

“Yah, please don’t skate until we’re sure you’re completely solid.”

He squeezed Michael’s hand. “Okay. But now that my ribs are healed and I’m over the flu I need to start running again.” 

“I just can’t see you getting up early to go running.”

“Fuck that. I run at sundown.” Alex slapped his leg with his free hand. “I don’t know how I haven’t gotten flabby or gained weight, but I know I’m going to have lost stamina and have to start slow to build back up to full strength.”

“What’s full strength for you?” Michael was curious, since he despised running. Mandatory gym class laps were the only running he did. 

“On flat ground, like through town or on a track, I can do about ten miles. Cross country, about seven. I want to build up to run a half marathon, though.”

“What the everloving fuck?” Michael stopped walking and just stared at him. “Ten miles? On one run? Like, you leave the house and run for ten miles before you stop?”

Alex and Maria were laughing. “Not every day, obviously, I usually do like three to five on a normal day, but yes, I can run ten miles. On my circuit, or well, when I lived in Roswell,” he corrected, “I ran through downtown so I got a walking break when I was at crosswalks or there was traffic.” He laughed even more at the look of disbelief on Michael’s face. “On Sundays I’d usually sleep in, but then I’d clean the house, bleach the bathroom and kitchen, and go for a long run, come back, take a shower, take a nap, then do homework.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d had the thought, but Michael just could not fathom how Alex’s father hadn’t been proud as hell of him. He obviously had perfect grades to get a full ride to college, he was athletic, he was obviously responsible when it came to housework, he hadn’t ever gotten suspended or arrested or anything, which his brothers _had_ done--how could the fact that Alex preferred men to women be so damaging to this man’s fragile masculinity that he couldn’t appreciate what a good kid he was? He just shook his head. “You’re amazing, baby.”

They both looked when Maria squealed. “You call him _‘baby’?_ That’s so cute!” Michael laughed and Alex tried to shush her. “What do you call Guerin?”

Alex blushed. “Sweetheart.”

“Aw! So adorable!” 

“Shut up.”

They started walking again, and Maria asked about their plans for the rest of the day. She actually managed to make it not sound suggestive.

“You might know more about this than I do, DeLuca,” Michael began. “Your furry rug fits almost perfectly between your bed and Zoey’s. What are the dimensions on it?”

“I have no idea, why?”

“We were thinking about how there’s nowhere to sit in our room besides the desk chairs and the beds,” Alex explained. “Michael had the idea to get a futon mattress to fill up the middle of the room and keep it rolled up in the corner when we’re not lounging on it.”

“I thought I’d see if futons come in the size of your rug, but you don’t remember, so I’ll have to think of something.”

“Too bad you don’t have a tape measure.”

Michael held the door for Maria and Alex to go into the residence hall. “I could go pick one up, though. They’re not expensive.”

“Do you wanna do that while I see what sizes futons come in?”

“Sure.” Michael didn’t know if Alex would be okay with kissing in the front hall, so he just squeezed his hand. “Take my sweatshirt upstairs?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

“Aw! So cute!”

“Shut it, DeLuca.” Michael knew he was smiling like an idiot, though.

“We’ll probably be in Maria’s room when you come back. You know, because we can sit on the rug with giant pillows.”

“Ok. Be back in a minute.”

Alex watched him head out the door. Maria shoved him. “Why didn’t you kiss him goodbye?”

“I’m not sure about kissing in public. Holding hands is one thing, but I don’t know about kissing.”

“Huh. We need to examine your motives.”

“Are you going to interrogate me?”

“Yes. Get your computer and head up to my room.”

In his room, Alex set the bags down on his desk chair and took off his coat. His computer was charged, he just needed to take it upstairs. He looked around, though, taking in the feel of the space, and looking forward to having a room that was more cozy. _I love Michael. I thought this room felt perfect once I had pictures up and I had Michael to talk to, but now I feel like it needs more soft things. Maybe I’ll print some of our pictures to put on my bulletin board?_ He didn’t have a printer, but he was sure someone around here did. If not, he could put them on a flash drive and take them somewhere to be printed. _That might be better, they’d look nicer. _ Big pillows and more blankets would be nice, too. _Oh god, I’m being domestic. I’m nest building. What happened?_ Alex knew the answer to that. Michael happened.

Alex made sure he had his phone and keys, grabbed his laptop, and headed up to Maria’s room. The door was propped open, and _Linger_ was lilting out into the hall. “Knock knock.”

“Hey come on in.”

“Where’s Zoey?”

“Camping trip with a bunch of people from the theatre department.”

“I miss camping. I told Michael we should road trip to the Grand Canyon and camp out. He didn’t really believe me.”

Maria laughed. “Why?”

“Because I wear makeup and girl’s clothes?” He indicated his sweater. “But I actually do like camping.”

“You do all the camping you want. I’ll be at home with no bugs, nice and warm, with real food to eat.”

“Hey, catching fish and eating them is real food. And we know ‘smores are real food.”

“I hate fish. But marshmallows are food, you’re right about that.” Maria tossed the big pillows onto the floor and pulled out her throw blankets. “Let’s look at futons while I grill you about your first date and first night with a boy.”

Alex slowly sank to the floor. Uncomfortable, he untied his boots and took them off. “I knew this was going to happen the minute you got me alone.”

“Uh huh.”

He opened the computer and powered it on. “Well, first of all, last night was only our first ‘official’ date. Our first date was actually the day we met when we went to lunch at Frontier.”

“Oh really.”

“Yes, really.” Alex laughed. “No, we talked about how we’ve considered every outing together dates. We’ve essentially been dating since move in day.”

“When I consider your behavior since I got here, that’s probably accurate.”

Alex smiled, feeling warm just thinking about it. “It was really love at first sight.”

“So damned dramatic.”

“I know right?” He googled ‘futon sizes’ and looked through the results. “When we went to the duck pond with no ducks, I almost tried to hold his hand. I wonder what he would have done?”

“Based on all of the behavior I’ve observed? He would have kissed you.”

“I’m glad we didn’t, though.”

Maria looked scandalized. “Why?!”

Alex looked up. “We both had secrets we weren’t ready to trust each other with. Neither of us wanted to try something until we knew we could trust each other.”

“How very mature of you.”

“Like I told you before, I didn’t want him to see my ribs. He found out completely by accident.”

“And you found out…”

“His secrets aren’t mine to share. I will never betray him.”

Maria smiled. “I believe that.”

“I love him. Even if I didn’t, even if we were just friends, I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“You’re a good friend. And a good person, Alex.”

“Aw, thanks.” He clicked on a link. “Futons are strangely expensive. Do you think a full-bed size would fit?”

Maria looked at the screen. “I have no idea, there’s no way to tell the scale from the picture.” She thought for a second. “Are you going have sex on it then invite people over?”

“Jesus fucking christ Maria.” Alex felt his face catching fire. “I don’t know? We have beds for sex. And it’s not like we wouldn’t wash the cover first!” _We’re totally going to have sex on it. I’ve met me._

“You could just sleep on it all the time, you’d have more space.”

“Futons are less than comfy. My bed is actually pretty damned comfortable. Better than my bed at home.”

“How comfy is Michael’s bed?”

Alex ignored her suggestive tone. “It’s not as comfy as mine. I’ve slept in it a couple of times. Completely innocently.” 

“So tell me about last night.”

“No.” Alex waited. “I think a full sized futon would fit, but I’ll have to wait for Michael to measure.”

“No? You’re telling me _no_ about your _first time?”_

_I wonder how long I can torture her? _ “Yep, telling you no.”

Maria sputtered and clutched at her breast. “Alex, how could you. After Liz shared all the romantic details of her first time with Kyle.”

“That was fucking weird for me.”

“Still! And after I shared all of the dirt from my first time.”

Alex sighed dramatically. “Fine.” He ignored Maria’s gleeful expression as she clapped her hands. “We didn’t have sex.”

Maria’s face went to complete deadpan disbelief. “What.”

“We didn’t have sex.” He decided he was going to drag out what he did tell her over many painful sentences. “We just made out.”

“Seriously?” Maria leaned forward. “You’re adults who live together and you didn’t have sex?”

“Nope,” Alex laughed. 

“You just kissed.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Okay…” 

Alex didn’t say anything.

“Goddamnit Alex, I swear to God, if you don’t start talking right this second, I will _not_ be responsible for my actions!”

“Okay,” Alex laughed, “Okay, so serious time.” He took a breath to calm down. “Serious stuff.”

Maria stopped laughing and looked concerned. “What happened?”

“Nothing bad!” He assured her. “So you told Michael I was in the library. I was surprised you told him, I wondered what’d he’d said to convince you to send him to the study room.”

“He told me a little bit about what happened.”

Alex nodded. “So he came and asked to talk, but instead of talking, he just kissed me.”

“Eloquent.”

“I thought so. When he pulled away I pulled him back in to keep kissing. I didn’t want it to be a mistake or a one time thing.”

“You did talk though, right?”

“Yah, he told me everything that happened with his lab partners and how he was feeling, and how he didn’t realize I was trying to kiss him. He was _so_ sorry, Maria, he was devastated that he’d hurt me.”

“I gathered that from the tears when he talked to me.”

“We talked a little, and kissed some more, and determined that the study room was not the best location for our activities.”

“Windows in the doors,” Maria agreed.

“We’d just left when you texted.”

“The pic of your hands was cute.”

“I thought so.”

“So you went back to your room, and…” 

“We went back to the room and proceeded to make up for the fact that we’d wanted to kiss since August.”

“No, uh-uh, too vague.”

Alex laughed. “We lost our shirts pretty much instantly.”

“Good start, good start. More juicy details please.”

“You’re really damaged, you know that?”

“Fuck off. But keep talking.”

He put his laptop on the floor and turned to look at Maria, and pulled the big leopard pillow into his lap to hug. “I was really nervous. Like, really nervous. Because I want to have sex with Michael, but I was really not ready to have sex last night.”

“Okay.”

“Like, that was my first kiss. You’d been with Carlos for almost a year. Liz had been with Kyle since the beginning of sophomore year.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Michael had. He stopped everything to tell me we weren’t going to have sex because we have time. And he’s right,” Alex explained, “no one is going to walk in on us and we don’t have parents that are going to try to keep us from being naughty.”

“True.”

“He didn’t want me to have any regrets because we rushed it.”

“That’s really sweet.”

“It’s more than sweet,” Alex argued. “It’s really responsible, too. More than anything, that tells me that he loves me. He wants me to actually know what I want.”

“Huh. You’re right about that. I wouldn’t have expected that.”

“You don’t know him as well as I do. Michael is a lot more careful and gentle than you think. Consent is a huge thing for him. For both of us. Not just ‘yes let’s fuck’ but _informed_ consent, like, really understanding what we’re asking of each other. He acts like a funny asshole around everyone because that’s his image, but there’s so much more to him than that.”

“He does act like a funny asshole, but I figured that wasn’t all there was to him.”

“No, he’s actually really deep. We’ve had a lot of conversations about the responsibilities we have as people, to the world and to each other. We’ve talked about our fears and our secrets and decided we’d support each other. We have so much in common that’s awful that we both feel safer having each other. And there’s a lot of mutual respect.”

“So this relationship is already more of a relationship than I thought.”

“We’ve basically been together since day one. We both know we’re fucked up and have to work really hard to get things right. We were both committed to each other right away and have actively worked toward making this a good relationship.”

“You basically did things backwards, you started a relationship before the physical stuff.”

“Basically.”

“So now back to the physical stuff.”

“Oh god, Maria.”

“Alex. Talk.”

“We made out.”

“Alex.”

“Okay, okay.” He took a deep breath. “Okay, so I was actually kinda nervous about taking off my clothes even though we’ve seen each other in our underwear before. It was dumb but Michael didn’t think so. He didn’t laugh at me or make me feel awkward at all.”

“You got naked?”

“Not right away, but we did get in bed. Michael actually tried to keep things PG-13 and I was not having any of that.”

“So it was your idea to get naked.”

“Yep.” Alex knew he was bright red. “We, um, had a lovely time.”

“Am I to assume you ‘enjoyed’ yourselves?”

“Yes, yes we did.”

“But you did not actually have sex.”

“We did not have intercourse, no.” Alex giggled. “Just hands, Maria, jesus just stop.”

She held up her hands. “Hey, I’m just helping you process.”

“No.”

“Okay, so you had not-sex?”

“Then we took a shower.”

“Together?”

“Yep, we both fit in the shower. We washed each other’s hair, it was sexy and romantic at the same time.”

“Ooo, that’s amazing. No one has ever washed my hair for me. Besides the lady at the salon.”

“It was unbelievable.” He shivered thinking about it. “Michael let me comb his hair again, and he asked me to go on a date, so we went to get pancakes. We held hands.”

“Cute.”

“And we barely made it upstairs without dying we were so tired and we just stripped and passed out.”

“Did you ‘enjoy’ yourselves this morning?”

“Yes. And took a shower together. And then went for coffee and discussed how hard relationships are and how we’re 100% committed but need to make sure we don’t just pretend everything’s okay to stay together.”

“Like Rosa and Noella.”

“And every girl she dated.”

“Hey, can I come in or are you still discussing my sexual prowess?”

Alex and Maria both started laughing. “Yes, come in, we’re done discussing your sexual prowess.”

“No we’re not, not by a long shot, but I’ll put my interrogation on hold.”

“Great.” Michael walked in, carrying his tape measure. “Okay, so it’s about 60 inches from bed frame to bed frame, and because of the fridge and dresser, there’s about 60 inches of free space length-wise.”

Alex pulled his computer back into his lap as Michael sat down. He decided that since it was just Maria, he’d lean over and ask for a kiss. 

Michael smiled and kissed his boyfriend when he so clearly wanted one. “Hi, baby.”

“You guys are so cute. But also gross.”

“Shut up.” Alex showed Michael the website he was on. “According to this helpful site all about futons, a full love seat would fit when it’s opened up. It’s 54 by 54.” 

“Oh, that’s convenient. Then we could still walk to the bathroom without tripping.”

“Ordering one online has outrageous shipping, though, and we don’t want a frame. We should see if any stores around here carry that size.”

“That’s a much better idea,” Maria agreed. “I wonder if you can get a leopard print cover for it?”

“For the last time, leopard is not a neutral.”

“Black or a dark color,” Michael suggested. “Not leopard. Or pink. Or, what is that color, raspberry.” _Dark colors don’t show stains. Not even thinking about sex. What if we spill a drink or something?_

“Hmph.” 

Alex googled ‘futons albuquerque’ and found several furniture stores that had them. The first two only sold them with frames, the third didn’t have the size they wanted, and the fourth was actually in Santa Fe. “This is frustrating.” He clicked on the fifth one, though, and it was a winner. “Bob’s Discount Furniture has them in stock.” 

“The store is really called ‘Bob’s Discount Furniture’? Seriously?” Maria laughed.

“Seriously.” Alex and Michael were laughing too. “It’s a chain.”

“How many people out there are actually named ‘Bob’ anymore, and why do they all have stores?”

“I have no idea but we cannot name our children Bob, any of us,” Alex declared.

“It’s a deal,” Maria agreed. “Besides, you know I have Jasmine Destiny and Josiah Briar as my baby names.”

Michael cocked his head. “Do all girls have baby names picked out? That seems to be a thing.”

Maria thought about it. “I think we all do because we just assume we’re going to have kids whether we want them or not.”

“Do you want kids?” he asked.

“Yah, when I’m older, and I’ve retired from dancing. I don’t want to try to be a parent while I’m touring or actively performing. The shelf-life of a professional dancer is like 35. After I can’t perform anymore, I’ll settle down, teach, and have kids. If I find the right man, of course. What about you?”

Alex and Michael looked at each other before Michael looked back at Maria. “I’ve never made plans that far out, because I’ve never had a for-sure path to anything. But, when we’re older,” he indicated Alex, “I’d kinda like to be a foster parent? So that some kids _don’t_ have a fucked up experience.”

Alex was surprised but overjoyed. He hadn’t realized that Michael was thinking about _kids._ “That would be great, sweetheart.” 

“Really? I didn’t mean to just spring that on you.” He took Alex’s hand. “I’ve kind of always wanted to be a foster parent, but didn’t know if I’d ever be in a position to do that.”

“There’s no reason we can’t be foster parents.” Alex was giddy. Michael was thinking about them raising children. _So fucking domestic._ “When we’re older. You’ll be a good dad, Michael.”

Maria really hoped Alex and Michael stayed together. They were so enamoured with the idea of being foster parents together that it was kinda gross. But mostly just sickeningly cute. “You mean mom. Michael’s your wife.”

“Oh, right,” Alex laughed. “I forgot. You’re a good wife, Michael, I’m sure you’ll be a good mom.”

“You make a couple cans of chicken soup and you’re saddled with motherhood for life. I see how it is.”

“Okay, back to futons.” Alex attempted to pull the conversation back around to buying a damned futon, but he was still tickled that Michael wanted to share parenting with him. _I never even thought about being a parent._ Food for thought.

“Back to futons,” Michael agreed. “How much are they at Bob’s Discount Furniture?”

“The love-seat-full-size mattress by itself is only $60. The cover, which we would totally need, is another $20.” 

“We could split the cost,” Michael suggested. “Wanna go get it?”

“Then we can go to Wal-Mart or Target and get some big pillows.”

“Wal-Mart,” Maria instructed. “Better prices, more options.”

“Wanna come with, DeLuca?”

“Duh.”

They piled in the truck to drive to the furniture store. It took almost no time to buy the futon, and they opted for a dark green cover than almost matched Alex’s sweater. It wasn’t really soft, though, and Maria suggested they get a sheet set for it, then it could be spare sleeping for anyone who crashed in their room, and they could get a frame for it for next year. “You’re smart, DeLuca, I knew there was some reason to keep you around.”

“Fuck you, Guerin.” 

Alex laughed while he was helping Michael get the futon secured in the bed of the truck. “You know, nothing says ‘college students’ quite like three people dressed in three completely different styles putting a futon mattress in a truck that’s clearly seen better days.”

“You have a point,” Maria laughed. “If we had to move a bunch of beer bottles to do it, that would be perfect.”

“Hey, no trash in the bed of the truck, either.”

“Yah, yah.”

Wal-Mart was busy, since it was Saturday, but not too terrible. “What color sheets and pillows do you think?” Maria asked as they headed for the housewares section, pushing a cart that had clearly had an altercation with a vehicle in the recent past. “Since you don’t like leopard.”

“I don’t know, we’ll just have to see what they have. I mean, black is always an option.” 

“You’re so emo.” 

“I’d love to defend you since I’m your boyfriend,” Michael started, “but you’re really emo.”

“You both say that like it’s a bad thing.” Alex spotted a display of big pillows. “Oh, darn, Maria, no leopard.” 

“No raspberry either,” Michael added with dramatically fake sadness. “How many do you think we need, Alex?”

“Maybe two of these really big ones, and two smaller ones?”

Michael started petting the soft pillows. “Okay, grey and purple are the softest. It’s weird that all the colors aren’t the same texture.” 

Maria and Alex ran their hands over the pillows. “The purple is the absolute softest, we should get those.”

“I’m glad it’s a dark purple.” They put two pillows in the cart. “Okay, the smaller but still big pillows?”

Maria steered the defective cart around the corner. “These are nice, they’re really fuzzy. They don’t have leopard, but they do have zebra!”

Alex rolled his eyes. “They also have black.” Alex ran his hands over the display. “They’re all the same softness, what do you think, sweetheart?”

“Black, 100%.” Michael caught the pillows when Alex tossed them to him. “Sheets?”

“I’m guessing you don’t want these flowered ones?” Maria teased. 

“Yah, not so much.” Michael looked through the options. “What about this greyish-bluish-something color?”

“That is called slate,” Alex informed him. “I’m good with that color.”

“Does it go with the purple pillows?”

Maria held the sheets up against the pillow. “I don’t hate it.”

“Works for me, then.”

“Carrying this stuff upstairs when we get home is going to suck.”

“At least there’s an elevator?” Alex looked at the futon in the bed of the truck. “It’s not _that_ heavy.”

“Just bulky,” Michael agreed. “This stuff will blow away if we put it in the bed, we’ll have to cuddle with all the pillows in the cab on the way back.”

“I’ll get you tie-downs for Christmas,” Alex joked.

“I’ll be a very good boy, then.”

“You made that gross, Guerin, let’s go home.” 

Taking the futon upstairs was a huge pain in the ass, but it did fit well once they moved their chairs out of the way. “Why don’t you just move your clothes to my closet, Michael, and we can put the futon in yours?”

Michael raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend. “Will my clothes fit in your closet, princess?”

“I’d say ‘fuck you’ but that’s a valid question.” Alex opened his closet door. “Yah, should be no problem, I can always move shirts to the dresser.”

“It’s a plan.”

Maria bid them goodbye when they stated that their plan for the next couple hours was just laundry so they could wash the new sheets. “We should probably wash all the sheets,” Michael suggested, grinning when Alex blushed. “You’re so cute when you blush, Alex, I’ve thought that from the first day we met.”

“Shut up.” But he couldn’t stop smiling.

Alex changed into flannel pants and a Panic at the Disco shirt to do laundry, and they rearranged their clothes to make sure the futon had a place to live. Michael suggested they just combine the socks and underwear into one drawer, since they’d know whose was whose and Michael wore Alex’s socks pretty much every day anyway. Alex moved his large collection of band t-shirts to the bottom drawer of the dresser. “You know, if we ever break up, we’ll have to fight it out in court for custody of the Dr Pepper shirt.”

“I actually own that shirt.”

“But I love it so much, and I think it loves me back.”

“You are such a dork. If you get joint custody of the shirt, I get visitation rights with the palm tree pants.”

“It’s a deal.”

As soon as the sheets were dry, they made the beds, then spread the futon out on the floor and put the fitted sheet on it. It wasn’t as wide as a full bed, but that was okay. They piled all the new pillows, their old pillows, and all of their blankets (including Maria’s that she’d never gotten back) on the futon and made a nest. 

“I was just making fun of myself for ‘nest building’ earlier, and we just made an actual nest.”

“Mm, it’s cozy, though.” Michael leaned forward a few inches to kiss Alex. “What do you want to do with the rest of the day?”

“I feel like snuggling and watching _Star Trek_ is the obvious answer here.”

“You’re right, that was obvious.” Michael lifted his head to spot Alex’s laptop, and brought it to their nest carefully. “The charger reaches to watch stuff down here.”

“That is fantastic.” 

Alex cued up the next episode, Michael grabbed drinks from the fridge, and they cuddled up to each other. “This is pretty much a perfect day, in my opinion.” When Alex smiled, Michael kissed him. “Wake up sex, coffee date, new place to lounge, _Star Trek,_ and you.”

“That does sound like a perfect day,” Alex answered, smiling. “And it’s only like 3pm, we have time to add to the perfection.”

Michael laughed softly. “We can take a nap after a couple episodes.”

“Perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FFFLLLLLUUUUUUUFFFFFF
> 
> I'll get back to having a plot again in chapter 16. Futonland is a website that sells futons, and they have a help center for answering all your burning futon questions. I'm not even kidding. Bob's Discount Furniture is a real store in Palm Desert, CA and I don't know if it's a chain but it was too funny not to throw it in there. If you're reading this without a header graphic, check back tomorrow night, I'm too tired to do one right now. I go back to work tomorrow, my two week break has been wonderful and I don't want to go back. Next week is going to be busy, I have a friend coming in on Friday, I'm going to LA on Saturday, and I'm doing something birthday related on Sunday with my family. I am 100% sure I will NOT be able to post anything this weekend as a result. I'll do a lot of hardcore brainstorming this week and get some actual plot going for the next installment! 
> 
> Chapter Title: Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John
> 
> Also in the chapter: Linger - The Cranberries


	16. Just Like Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys work has been HELL.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49446746073/in/dateposted-public/)

Monday Michael and Alex went off to class like the weekend hadn’t been the biggest event of their lives. They walked with Maria to English holding hands, and Alex felt like everyone was looking at them, but hoped he was wrong. He was _not_ embarrassed about being Michael’s boyfriend, he was totally fucking thrilled. On the one hand, he wanted the entire universe to know. On the other, though, he’d been bullied and abused for the last five years just for liking boys, fuck holding hands with one. Alex had been ‘flaunting’ himself in sort of an offense-as-defense thing for the last few years. He’d been beaten within an inch of his life just for being gay, and had decided to start wearing eyeliner and clothes that drew attention to throw it in people’s faces - especially his dad’s. He’d done it knowing that people would know, or at least suspect, that he was gay. But the reality, the current reality, of showing the world that he really was gay, and was _actually in a relationship with another boy_ was a lot scarier than he thought it would be. Walking around on the packed campus with thousands of people around them was way different than the hand holding they’d done at dinner Friday or at Starbucks. He wasn’t sure _why,_ it made no sense. Maybe because school was a scarier place than IHOP? _Anyway, I hope Michael can’t tell I’m nervous. _

They always sat together in English, and that didn’t change today. Alex knew he was imagining that people were looking at them, but he felt like he had a rainbow spotlight shining directly on him. It was annoying as fuck, and he was afraid that his own stupidity was going to hurt Michael’s feelings. _I want everyone to know that I have the most amazing boyfriend. I just don’t want to get the shit beaten out of me. I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want any attention. This is so confusing. _ It didn’t make sense to want people to know but not know. _ I had no idea this would be so hard._

“Hey, Alex, are you okay?” Michael asked softly as they were getting out their notes and waiting for Dr. Dishman. He squeezed his knee. “Everything okay, baby?” When Alex met his eyes, he knew everything was not okay. “You look like you’re about to cry, baby, what’s wrong?”

Alex closed his eyes and shook his head. “I have no idea what’s wrong.” _Damn it, I should have known he’d be able to tell I’m off. _

“Physically wrong or emotionally wrong?” _God, don’t get sick again I can’t handle it._

“Emotionally.” Alex glanced at Maria and saw that she was texting. “I don’t know why, though.” _Or how to explain. _

Michael _wanted_ to kiss him and tell him everything would be fine. But it was clear from Alex’s body language that he did not want to be kissed. He was stiff and twitchy, like he was agitated and sad at the same time. Michael wouldn’t say he was fluent in Alexese, but he was pretty well-versed in defense mechanisms, and this was the Alex equivalent of finding the exits and checking his gun. _He’s scared._ He wasn’t sure _why,_ but Alex was nervous and scared. “I’d ask if you wanted to skip class and go talk, but this is you.”

That made Alex laugh, and he smiled a little. “Okay, yah, neither of us are going to skip class because I feel weird.” He took Michael’s hand and squeezed. “I’ll get over it.”

“You don’t have to just ‘get over it’ baby, it’s okay. Feel what you feel. You can tell me when you’re ready.”

“Hey, is it just me, or is Dr. Dishman late for class?”

Michael and Alex both looked over at Maria, distracted from their conversation by her observation. Alex grabbed his phone. “Yah, it’s 9:08.”

“Let me check Blackboard and see if she posted anything this morning.” Michael fought with his phone for a minute. “Blackboard is such a pain in the ass.”

Michael was saved from the technological black hole that was Blackboard by a loud banging on the podium. They all looked up to see Tess, one of the TAs, standing there with a stapler. 

“Ruth is sick today. She’s posting the poetry we were going to introduce today on Blackboard later and instructions on what to do to get started. You’re free to go.”

“This is fantastic,” Maria announced. “I’m going back to bed.”

Alex laughed. “Don’t you have a 10am class?”

“It’s cancelled, the Dean emailed us all last night that Dr. Guthrie’s classes today and tomorrow are cancelled.”

“Ooooo, she’s in deep shit.”

“What happened with your professor?” Michael asked, confused.

“She went to Vegas with the guy I liked, Andre. He posted pretty intimate pictures all over Facebook and Twitter, and we knew there’d be hell to pay.”

“Isn’t she, like, old?” 

“Uh huh.” 

“And isn’t Andre, like, our age?”

“Uh huh.”

Michael was grossed out. “That’s way not cool.”

“I’m sure plenty of professors are sleeping with students, right or wrong. But putting proof out there online was a big mistake for both of them.”

“When did this happen?”

“Thursday and Friday. And apparently all weekend, I was texting with Shana just now and Andre sent her a detailed account of everything that happened, and that he’s meeting with the Dean at 1:00.”

“Shit. That can’t be good.” Michael stood up and offered Alex his hand. “Wanna go to the library until algebra?”

Alex zipped his backpack and stood up, taking Michael’s hand, still sorta freaked out about it and unable to shake the feeling. “Yah.”

“Don’t have sex in a study room at 9:15 on a Monday morning,” Maria recommended. 

Michael started laughing but Alex just closed his eyes. “I feel like ‘shut up’ isn’t really strong enough to express my feelings.” That made Maria and Michael both laugh, and Alex just shook his head. “Why did I think you guys being friends was a good idea?”

“DeLuca, the library is a sacred space, and will not be sullied.”

“Right.” The wind hit them in the face when they walked out of the building. “It’s going to storm.”

“I think you’re right,” Alex agreed. “I love storms. I just hope it doesn’t happen while I’m outside.”

“I’m going to hurry so I can be snuggled up in bed when it hits. I might have to skip my 11:00 class, too. Might get struck by lightning. Too dangerous.”

“Maria!”

She laughed at Alex’s scandalized look. “Hey, just because you never ditched class, that doesn’t mean I didn’t.”

“Fine, go back to bed.” 

The wind really was intense, and Michael and Alex hurried to the library, running in just as the first fat raindrops were splattering onto the pavement. They turned to look back out the doors as a deluge of water fell from the sky accompanied by a blinding flash of lightning and crack of thunder. “Dude, we _just_ missed getting soaked.” 

Alex nodded. “Or struck by lightning.”

“Because that’s a real concern of mine.”

“Wanna go find a window to watch the storm?”

Michael smiled. “Yah, good idea.”

They ended up on the third floor, sitting close to each other, just watching and listening. “This is a really bad storm.” Alex waited while thunder subsided before continuing. “I hope Maria made it back to the dorms in time.” 

“Yah, or she’d be pissed.” They were sitting cross-legged next to each other, and Alex was leaning into him a little. “Is everything okay, baby?”

He took a deep breath and fought the urge to just shrug and say it was nothing. It wasn’t ‘nothing’ and he didn’t want it hanging between them. “Okay, please, please, please don’t let this hurt your feelings.”

Michael stiffened, worried. “Okay, I’ll try.” He didn’t know what Alex was going to say, but it couldn’t possibly be good.

“I know we held hands this weekend, like when we went to dinner and the bookstore, but, it, just, I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“No, no it’s not stupid,” Michael argued, shifting so he was looking more at Alex and less at the window. “It’s not stupid. What’s wrong?”

“It seems different with so many people.” He knew his face was doing weird things while he tried to verbalize what he was feeling. “Like, everyone is staring at me. Us.”

“Do you...not want to hold hands?” It hurt.

“No, I do!” Alex hastily corrected. “I want to hold hands. It’s so hard to explain this.”

“Okay.” 

“I’m so happy to be with you, Michael, so happy, and so relieved that I don’t have to try to hide it anymore. Everyone who sees us holding hands knows that I’m yours.”

“But that’s bothering you.” Michael was still pretty confused. “Do you not want people to know?” _That doesn’t make sense._

“No, I do! I want everyone to know.” Alex sniffed, hating that he was starting to cry. “I’m proud to be yours, and I’m proud that you want to be mine. Fuck,” he broke off, wiping his eyes. “I don’t know how to explain.”

Michael thought through everything. “Maybe let me ask questions and see if we can figure it out?” When Alex nodded, he asked the most important one. “You’re still happy that we’re together, right?”

“Yes, absolutely, 100%, _yes.”_ Alex turned to face Michael and took both of his hands. “I am so, so, so happy. I don’t have enough synonyms for happy in my vocabulary for how happy I am.”

Relief washed over Michael. “Okay, good. Do you like holding hands?”

“Yes.”

“At dinner was fine?” He waited while Alex nodded. “And coffee?” He nodded again. “And going to the bookstore?”

“Yah, that all seemed fine. I was pretty thrilled to be walking around holding your hand.”

“But today was different.”

“Yah.”

“Can you explain how you felt just about that part? No other thoughts, no motives, just how you felt when I took your hand when we were walking over.”

“Excited and scared.”

“I was pretty excited to get to hold your hand too, baby. But scared. Why do you think you were scared?”

“There were so many people,” Alex complained, frustrated with himself. “I felt like everyone was looking at us, and there are thousands of them.”

“But you’re not embarrassed to be in our relationship and you want people to know?”

“It makes no sense.”

Michael gave Alex that crooked smile that he thought was so endearing. “Okay, glad you said it.” His attention was diverted by the uptick in ferocity outside. “I think we should get away from the window.”

“Yah, good idea.” Thunder shook the entire building as they grabbed their backpacks and headed to the center of the building. “Should we go downstairs?”

“Probably.” Michael could hear hail striking the windows as they headed for the stairs. “Experiment?” He stopped and offered Alex his hand.

Alex stopped, and immediately took his hand, threading their fingers together. Impulsively, he pulled Michael’s hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. He hoped that Michael could see the love in his eyes even if his words were confused for the moment.

“You are so cute.” He led Alex to the elevator rather than the stairs, and they waited with another student. Alex didn’t try to take his hand back, and was standing very close to him. _One person, no reaction._ There were three other people on the elevator, and they walked in and took as little space as possible to one side. Alex squeezed his hand and pressed close to him. _Okay, there are four strangers and we’re in an elevator, and he’s snugglier._ On the first floor it was crowded, with lots of students and faculty hiding from the rain in addition to the usual Monday morning library traffic. Alex made no attempt to pull away or release his hand, but he could tell that he was nervous now, that he’d tensed up. The storm was getting more intense outside, though, it was almost black outside the windows. “Let’s find a study room.”

And the electricity promptly went out.

“I’m really fucking glad we’re not still in the elevator.”

Michael looked at Alex. “Yah for real. It’s pretty dark in here.”

Alex squeezed Michael’s hand and tugged him out of the direct path of the doors. “I don’t feel like this is the safest spot in the building.”

“You’re probably right.” Lightning illuminated the entire floor for a moment before they were deafened by thunder. “Okay, a basement is sounding kinda good right now.”

“Uh huh. Agreed.” 

The fire alarm started sounding, and everyone looked around, a dismayed sound filling the close space. Someone started shouting. “Tornado warning, basement! Now!” 

Alex pulled Michael in the direction of the stairwell, looking over his shoulder. “Responsible, intelligent Alex knows he should go to the basement.” 

“Does irresponsible, dumb Alex exist in contrast?”

“Yes, that Alex wants to go outside and watch the storm and take video.”

“Responsible, intelligent Michael is not going to entertain this idea from irresponsible, dumb Alex.”

They laughed their way down the stairs, keeping a hold of each other so they didn’t lose each other in the crowd. The basement of the library was just more library, and would have been pitch black if not for the emergency lights. Michael pulled his phone out and turned on the flashlight. “Is there anywhere specific we’re supposed to go down here?”

“I don’t know.” He tightened his hold on Michael’s hand, not wanting to lose him. He could still feel the building shuddering from the thunderstorm. “I don’t think you’re going to make it to algebra.”

“I don’t know if you’re going to make it to computer science.” 

“Hopefully the storm will be over before then.” The crowd stopped moving. “This is really unpleasant.” It was warm, stuffy, and loud in the basement. 

“Yah.” A lot of people had their phones out. “Hey, there’s more room this way.” He tugged on Alex’s hand and they moved to the side of the big room and sat against the wall. “I wonder how long we’ll be down here?”

“Do you have service on your phone? We can look at the weather.”

“Yah, no service. Guess we’ll have to wait for the ‘all clear’ from the staff.”

Alex sank down to the floor and flopped against Michael when he was settled. “As much as I love being with you, this isn’t my first choice of locations or circumstances.”

“Creepy dark basement full of strangers while sheltering from a natural disaster?”

“That makes it sound even worse, thanks,” Alex laughed. He felt around for Michael’s hand in the dark, laughing when he squeaked because his hand went where it shouldn’t. He kissed Michael’s hand again. “This would be a million percent worse without you, though.”

“Agreed.” They were quiet for a minute, listening to the muffled sounds of the storm and the hum of people talking. “I made some observations on my experiment.”

“Oh, okay. What did you observe?”

“With a small number of people, you’re not nervous holding my hand, you even cuddled up to me in the elevator with four strangers right there.”

Alex pondered that for a second. “That’s true.” He hadn’t hesitated at all about invading Michael’s personal space in order to have room in the elevator. 

“But when we got off, there was a crowd, and you tensed up.”

“You’re right, I did. I was worried about a couple different things, but the people made me uncomfortable.”

“Ah, but when we all had a purpose, we were coming down to the basement, you weren’t scared anymore, you’ve been completely calm, even though there’s possibly a tornado ripping Albuquerque to shreds above us.”

“Huh.” Alex tried to process the information. “Okay, that’s a good start.”

“Do you ever feel that nervous around people otherwise?”

Alex nodded, but realized Michael couldn’t see him. “Yah, but I haven’t felt that way around here too much. It’s kinda like how it felt to stand at my locker in the morning and wonder if I was going to get my ass kicked at some point during the day.”

“Okay, I can empathize with that, I had the same experience pretty much daily.” He squeezed Alex’s hand. “Some days it just seemed like there was a target on my back.”

“That’s...exactly how I felt. How I feel with the huge crowd. Like all these people who have nothing better to do are looking for a target, and it’s always gonna be me.”

“‘Nothing better to do?’”

“Yah, like, when there are a lot of people just standing around or walking to class in the hall and you can’t keep track of all of them, but you know they’re keeping track of you.”

“Oh,” Michael replied, understanding. “You want people to know, but you don’t want to get beat up. When we’re in big groups of people who aren’t actively doing anything, it feels like high school?”

“That’s it. Yes. I feel like I wore something to really draw attention, and I want everyone to fucking notice me, but not to get the shit kicked out of me.”

“That’s a valid fear.” Michael released Alex’s hand to put an arm around him, and was happy when he relaxed against him. “Did you ever feel that way on campus before we started dating?”

“At first, yah, but literally not a single person appeared to notice that I was wearing makeup or give a fuck about my clothes.” Alex laughed a little. “It’s almost like they have better things to do than pick on gay emo kids.”

“And you’ve met more of your kind,” Michael teased.

“I know, other emos, who could have guessed.” He squeezed Michael’s knee. “I really don’t think a single person on campus is going to give a fuck if we’re holding hands on the way to class.”

“I’m sure there are assholes in the crowd who are thinking shitty thoughts, but getting beat up on the way to class for holding hands doesn’t seem likely.”

“My autonomic nervous system will catch up, I’ll stop having a fight or flight response every time someone looks at us.” He smiled when Michael laughed. “I don’t want to hide anything, it’s just--”

“It’s new.”

“Yah.”

They were quiet for a little while, just cuddled up together, listening to people bitching and feeling the building shake. It was almost dark, there weren’t any lights in this area, and Michael took a chance and kissed Alex’s hair, and got a soft huff of a laugh in response. “What?”

“You’re so sweet.” Alex lifted his head carefully so they didn’t give each other concussions. “I like that you kiss the top of my head.”

“I have seriously had to resist the urge since the day we met. When Maria moved in, and we went to lunch? When I was walking back to the table after I used the bathroom I almost kissed the top of your head before I sat back down.”

“That would have been awkward.”

“Yah it would.” 

Alex thought about his next few words. “Even though it makes me nervous, it also makes me happy that you want to show me affection when we’re out in public. It’s a fuck you to everyone who said I’d be alone forever because I was perverted and not worthy of love.”

“Jesus christ Alex, who would say something like that?” Michael was horrified. “I got told I was an abomination from hell, but no one told me I wasn’t worthy of love. I mean,” he amended, “I sometimes doubted that I was worthy of love, but no one ever actually _told_ me that.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Alex wished he could see. “You’re so worthy of love, Michael. Just by existing you’re worthy of love.”

“And so are you.”

“I’m pretty sure my dad is the abomination from hell.”

“I’m in whole-hearted agreement with that statement.” Michael pulled his phone out of his pocket. “It feels like we’ve been down here forever, but it’s only 10:25.”

“That’s still a long time for a storm to last, they’re usually pretty short.”

“We’re probably waiting for some official university person to come tell us we can go.” He smiled in the dark when Alex cuddled closer. “You’d be in my lap right now if you could.”

“Mhm. Something about hiding in the dark from the wrath of god inspires closeness.”

Michael laughed. “Early cultures would definitely have feared gods that caused storms like this one.”

“It sucks to be in the basement and not watching it, though. Have you ever thought about being a storm chaser?”

“Is irresponsible, dumb Alex asking that question?” He grinned when Alex laughed. “Yah, no. But when I was younger I felt like touching the lightning would be a really good idea. It’s a good thing that’s not so much possible.” 

“What if you have lightning powers, too?” Alex whispered in his ear. “Have you tried?”

“No, and I’m not sure I want to.” Michael smiled when he felt Alex kiss his cheek. “Is kissing my cheek going to match me kissing your hair?”

Alex considered that. “No, it matches when you kiss my forehead.”

“I’ve done it a couple times without you noticing.”

“I noticed when you did it while I had a fever, but it just made me feel warm and fuzzy.”

“I’ve never wanted to be so affectionate with someone before.”

“I like it. Don’t stop.”

“I don’t think I could if I wanted to.”

They lapsed into silence, just listening to the sounds of bored people bitching. The building had stopped shaking, so Alex assumed that the storm was over. He was on the verge of falling asleep on Michael’s shoulder when someone yelled over the din.

“Okay, people, the storm’s over, but more are on the way, and power is out all over campus. It’s professor discretion on canceling classes, so don’t assume you don’t have to go. Don’t trample each other going upstairs, and there’s hail all over the ground so try not to slip and fall.”

“Finally.” Alex stood up, stiff from sitting on the floor, and offered Michael is hand. “Wait, can you see my hand? I was trying to help you up.” 

Michael laughed. “Yah, I can see it.” He took Alex’s hand and let him pull him to his feet. “I think I have better night vision than other people.”

“Or, you know, dark basement vision.”

It took a while to get to the stairwell with the crowd of people, but eventually they emerged from the library and took in the damage. Large hailstones littered the pavement, and there were leaves and branches on the ground. The sky was still dark, and the wind was cold. 

Alex pulled his phone out of his pocket. “It’s almost 11:00. If there’s no power, that means there’s no light in the lecture hall where my CS class is, and there aren’t any windows. I don’t see a point in going. And without the projector, I don’t know how we’d actually do a lecture.”

“Even if you could, storms are imminent, and might be more dangerous than this one. Let’s just go back to the room.”

“Yah. I’ll text Dr. Morrow when we get there to see if we’re still having piano lessons. Obviously, if the power comes back on by 3:00 we could, but I doubt anyone wants to sit around in the dark on campus just to wait and see when they could go home for the day.”

This time Alex told himself to just stop looking at other people to see if they were looking at him. _They’re not. They don’t care. And if they do, fuck them._ Literally not one single soul at UNM had given him so much as a dirty look, he really didn’t need to see potential enemies in other people who just wanted to get under a roof before the next wave hit. 

Thunder was rumbling overhead when they got back to Laguna hall, and they hurried inside before more rain could start. The emergency lights were on in the lobby and stairwell, and they went up to the room, glad they only lived on the second floor since the elevator was out of commission. Alex opened the blinds when they got into their room and looked at the sky. “It’s so black. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s an actual tornado.”

“At least there’s a basement here.”

Alex looked at Michael. “It’s a little bit funny that you’re kinda scared of storms. You totally lied about liking them before.”

“I am not scared,” Michael denied. “I just don’t want to die. And I didn’t _lie,”_ he argued, “I like them in theory.”

“Uh huh.”

“Lightning just does something to my nerves. I don’t know what it is. And tornados are legitimately bad news.”

“I bet you do have latent lightning powers and that’s why it feels weird to you.” Alex thought that was ridiculously cool. “Sometime you should experiment with it. Maybe not during a storm,” he qualified, “but some time when we’re just out in the desert.”

Michael was distinctly uncomfortable with the idea, but had to consider that Alex might have a point. “I’ll think about it.”

Alex smiled and framed his face to kiss him. “Wanna sleep for a while? Just because we’re college students and sleeping in the middle of the day is a thing?”

Relieved that Alex was dropping the lightning powers topic, Michael laughed at his very Alex suggestion of taking a nap. “Sure.”

Alex went into the bathroom and Michael put on pajama pants with his t-shirt. The palm tree pants were clean and he hurried to grab them before Alex could, laughing gleefully. He looked over when Alex came back in the room.

“No fair, you took my pants!” 

“I take your pants about 100% of the time.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Buy your own pants.”

“For the sake of argument, even if I did by my own pants, I’d still take these because they’re the best pants ever.”

“You’re lucky I like you.”

Michael laughed at that, and kissed him when he grabbed a pair of flannel pants out of the drawer. “You can’t wear those, they clash with your flannel shirt.”

“I’m taking it off, I’m not going to sleep in a flannel.” He had to admit that the colors looked pretty bad together. “I love that it’s flannel and beanie weather.”

“It was pretty warm this morning before the storm came in.”

“Mhm.” Alex fluffed his hat-smashed hair in the mirror. “I can’t believe how fast I stopped fixing my hair and wearing makeup after I got to college.”

Michael stood behind him and met his eyes in the mirror. “I like your hair all floppy and sad.” He grinned when Alex laughed. “I like it long like this, too. Not that it didn’t look fantastic before,” he hurried to explain, “but you look less sad and angry with your hair all soft and no eyeliner.”

Alex leaned back into him, happy when the hands on his hips turned into arms around his waist. “I’m a lot less angry and sad now. I still like how I look with eyeliner, though.”

“Me too. Your eyes are so pretty, and the makeup makes your eyelashes look ridiculous.”

“Oh, thank you.” He turned around and looped his arms around Michael’s neck. “You say the sweetest things to me. You have since we met.”

Michael smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “You’re sweet, caring, funny, and beautiful. I don’t know how I could avoid saying sweet things to you.”

“Oh.” Alex was a little overwhelmed. “For the record, you’re smart, strong, funny, sweet, and gorgeous. I could use a thousand more adjectives for how amazing you are, Michael.”

“We’re really gross.” 

Alex laughed and pulled away. “So gross. Maria would barf.” 

They climbed up into Alex’s bed as rain started splattering against the windows. They’d established that Alex liked to be against the wall so he could lay on his left side and snuggle with Michael, who liked to lay on his right side. They were very compatible sleepers, especially since Alex tended to get cold in the middle of the night and Michael was so warm. Lightning lit up the room like daylight for a split second while they were getting situated, and Michael gratefully cuddled into Alex’s chest, relaxing a little with the other boy’s arms around him.

“You really don’t like storms.”

Michael shook his head. “I really don’t. I totally lied.”

Alex tried to kiss the top of Michael’s head and got a mouthful of curls. “Okay, can’t kiss your head, we’ll have to find a different way for me to express fondness.” 

Laughing, Michael lifted his head so they could kiss. “Feel free to kiss me wherever you want until you figure it out.”

“That sounds like an excellent plan.”

Silence broken only by thunder and wind filled the small room. Alex was dozing in and out, storm jarring him awake then rain lulling him back to sleep. Michael was not asleep, and figured he wouldn’t fall asleep while it was storming, but was very happy to ride out the weather wrapped in Alex’s arms. He listened to the howling wind and the alternating cracks and growls of thunder, trying to decide if it was bad enough to convince Alex to go to the basement, but he decided it really wasn’t that severe. He knew he could look at his phone to check the weather, but he didn’t want to disturb Alex, and really didn’t want to move out of the warm cocoon of blankets and love to worry over weather maps.

Eventually the storm moved on, and they both did fall asleep for a couple of hours, before an explosive crack of thunder woke them both. Alex and Michael both jumped, and Alex shouted, too, before they started laughing at themselves. 

“Okay, this is the stormiest day I can remember in recent history,” Alex declared. “Where’s my phone, I want to look at Weather Channel.”

Reluctantly, Michael turned over and looked at his desk. “I can’t see your phone so I don’t know where it is, but I can get mine.” He brought it to his hand and turned over on his back. “Yours is probably on your desk but I don’t know where it is to get it.”

“It’s fine, we can look at the weather on yours.”

“It’s after 3:00 and the power is still out.” Michael searched for news stories on it. “Damn, most of Albuquerque is down. Look,” he held his phone where Alex could see it, “This huge tree smashed two houses.”

“Fuck.” 

“There was an actual tornado just outside the city limits, there’s tons of wind damage in the south part of the city.” 

“Flip over to the weather.”

Michael pulled up the weather page from the local news station. “Damn, look at all that red.”

“The entire southwest is getting obliterated.” 

“You sound entirely too happy.”

“I love storms! But seriously, let’s look at the forecast.”

There was a live stream of the weather going on, and Michael tapped on it to watch. 

“Tornado warning through midnight.”

Alex heard the note of fear in Michael’s voice, even though he was clearly trying to hide it. “It’ll be okay, sweetheart. We’ll be fine. There’s a basement if it gets bad, and we can pull the weather up on the computer so we know what’s happening.” 

“Flash flood warning, too.”

“I’m sure, yah. So probably no power until tomorrow, if it’s going to keep storming. I’m guessing no classes tomorrow.”

“Fuck, we should probably concerve our phone batteries.”

“I have two battery backup chargers that are fully charged.”

“Huh?”

“You can get power banks that you charge, then you can plug your phone into to charge it. I have two.”

“Mind blown.” Just to be safe, Michael locked his phone to save the battery. “Technology surprises me every day.”

“I love it. I can’t wait until I have a real job so I can buy the newest stuff to play with it.”

Lightning flashed and was accompanied by an immediate thunderclap that was loud enough that Michael’s ears were ringing. “Fuck that was close.”

Alex stroked his hand through Michael’s hair. “It was really close.” _God I love him._ “It’s okay.”

Michael nodded but he didn’t really agree. “I’m so glad we’re inside. I had to wait through a couple storms in my truck while I was living in it, and that was pure hell.”

“That sounds terrible.” Alex was horrified. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“I survived.” He tried to move closer to Alex, but was as close as possible already. “Please tell me there’s something really stupid that you’re afraid of.”

“Bees and wasps. Terrified. Absolutely, 100% terrified. I’m so scared of wasps that I have actually been paralized with fear and unable to run away. I’ve always been scared, but when I learned about killer bees I lost my shit.”

“Okay, that’s a valid fear. Being stung by a wasp really hurts. Not bad enough to be literally paralized with fear, but it’s very unpleasant.”

“I hope I never find out.”

“Killer bees, though, that’s really only a problem if you’re approaching the hive, most of the time they’re just like normal bees.”

“They don’t exactly release maps of their hive locations, they could be anywhere, I have no way of knowing.” 

Michael was laughing now. “It’s okay, baby, it’s really rare for killer bees to attack in New Mexico.”

“Something like 85% of all New Mexico and Arizona bees are Africanized, that means a lot of fucking bees want me dead.” 

“Bees don’t want you dead, they just want nectar.”

“Murderous yellow bastards.”

Now Michael was wheezing with laughter, and Alex considered his dramatic account of his fear of flying things a success. _He’s not scared now, that’s better. _

“I will always protect you from bees.”

“Oh, can you put a force field around me so they can’t murder me?”

“Nah, don’t have to. I can sorta gently push them into flying another direction with my powers. I’ve been keeping bugs away from me since I was like 10. I think that was the first thing I learned I could do.”

“I am the luckiest boy in the world.”

“I can’t believe you’re more scared of bees than, like, rattlesnakes.” 

“I love snakes. We had a boa constrictor in the science department at Roswell High named Julius Squeezer.” He waited for Michael to crack up. “He liked girls with long hair, Liz used to get him out of his cage during science classes and he’d wrap himself around her shoulders and run his face through her hair. Sometimes he’d just put his head on top of her head like he was also watching the lecture.” He snickered. “One of my favorite memories was when he was borderline choking Liz and we decided he must need to eat, and Kyle Valenti was too scared to touch the mice we were going to feed him.” 

Michael laughed _hard_ at that one, pulling away from Alex so he could wipe his eyes. “Were they just little white lab mice?”

“Yep. I just picked them up by their tails and put them in the cage. I also waited with a group of girls who wanted to watch him catch and eat a mouse. The football team had to leave the room.”

“That’s beautiful. I have no idea what Kyle looks like, though, so I can’t picture his face.”

“Oh, I can show you, but we’ll have to get out of bed.”

“No.” He smiled when Alex laughed. “Okay, yes, I really have to piss.”

“I’ll get the flashlight out of my desk so you can take it in the bathroom.”

“You have a flashlight?” 

“I don’t know why this is surprising to you, I know you can’t use your phone as a flashlight without killing the battery so I have a flashlight. I like camping, and we lost power at my house often enough, flashlights are a thing.” 

“Okay, okay, I stand corrected.” Michael dropped off the side of the bed, it was light enough in the room to see, it wasn’t as dark now that the current storm was blowing itself out. “Where’s your flashlight?”

Alex jumped down. Now that he could, he enjoyed doing it whenever possible. “Here.” He opened the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled it out and turned it on. “I have extra batteries, too, so don’t worry about it.”

“It’s scary how prepared you are for things.”

“I kinda live by a ‘worst case scenario’ theory of preparing for things, I think it’s the spartan, military upbringing.” 

“Huh. That makes sense. I have a flashlight in my truck, but it’s obviously not doing us any good right now.”

While Michael went in the bathroom, Alex used his phone to find the envelope of pictures from senior year in his desk. Kyle was in several of them, since he’d been Liz’s boyfriend. He was thumbing through them when Michael came back in.

“What’s that?”

“Pictures. I was going to show you what Kyle looked like. He’s in some of our group pictures from last year that we got printed.”

Michael held the flashlight while Alex showed him the photos. “That’s a good picture of you with Liz and Maria.” 

“We planned that one, it was for the yearbook. Maria was on the yearbook staff.” He moved that one to the back to reveal the next picture. “Here, this is Kyle.” It was a picture from the fall dance of him with Liz. Maria had posed them so it would be perfect, and you could tell that both of them were laughing. “He’s cute, isn’t he?”

“Okay, yah, he’s pretty cute. Seems small for a football player.”

“It’s the picture. Besides, he was quarterback, he didn’t need to be big.” Alex pulled out the next picture. “This was homecoming, Liz was queen and Kyle was king. And there,” he pointed, “is Maria before she cut her hair, she was part of homecoming court with her boyfriend at the time, coincidentally named Michael.”

“Green is a really good color on her.” 

“Green is a good color on everyone.” The next picture was just of him with his guitar. “Liz took this.”

“It’s beautiful.” Michael let his fingers very lightly trace over the picture. “Where were you? Is that firelight?”

Alex nodded. “We were having a bonfire on the Evans’ ranch.” He handed the picture to Michael. “You can have it, I have a digital copy.”

“Thank you, baby.” He kissed his cheek. “Whoa, is that you skating?”

“Mhm. Maria took that. It was in the yearbook.” He handed that one to Michael, too. “Here’s the winter formal, I went as Maria’s date because she’d just broken up with her boyfriend and had already bought that fabulous dress.”

“You look sexy as hell in that suit, Alex.”

“Oh, thanks. Maria styled me. That’s my suit,” he explained, “but she picked the shirt and tie and pocket square. And made me buy new shoes, she said mine looked stupid.” He turned to the next picture. “Here’s Kyle and Liz.” And the next one. “Oh, I forgot about this one.”

“Is that you skiing?”

“Yah, that was a fantastic action shot, right? I don’t know why Maria didn’t major in photography.”

“I had no idea you could ski.”

“I’m really good at it. Here,” he flipped to the next one, “I learned how to snowboard, too.”

“I’ve never gone skiing.”

“I’ll take you some time, it’s really fun.” The next picture was of a small snowman with himself, Liz, Maria, and Rosa. “We got a really big snow in February of last year.” The next was an artistic picture of a plate of pancakes. “I took this one, about five seconds before I demolished these chocolate chip pancakes. Liz’s dad wanted a picture for the new menus he was printing, they were a new item.”

“I could totally go for chocolate chip pancakes.”

“Me too.” Alex moved that picture to the back. “Oh, here’s Evan when he came home on leave.”

Michael looked at Alex’s brother. “Do all four of you look Native American?”

“Yep. I think my dad hates it, he’s super white, even has sandy blond hair. I’m the whitest looking brother.”

“Huh.” The next picture was an artistic shot of the sign for the Crashdown Cafe. “Liz’s restaurant?”

“Yep. I took this one, too, but for the yearbook, not the menu. Pretty much everyone hung out at the Crashdown.” The last picture was a group picture from prom, with Liz and Kyle in the center, Maria and Alex to their right, and two tall people to the left. “I wasn’t Maria’s date, he’s the one that took the picture. Of course there’s Kyle and Liz, and those are the Evans twins.”

“Of Halloween party fame?” 

“Yep. This was when we first got there, before Kyle decided to try to hit me, leading to Liz dumping him then and there.” 

“Were you good friends with the twins?” 

“Not really, but Max was completely, 100% in love with Liz, and they were really close. For some reason, Isobel didn’t have a date and went with Max. Liz dragged them both into the picture.” 

“She has ‘popular girl’ written all over her.”

“Yah, she was on student council and was on the planning committee for literally every event at Roswell High. Max set the record for most books read in 2007-2008.”

“For all that she looks like a princess and clearly comes from money, she looks like she’s actually sweet. And Max,” he pointed to the tall boy, “is clearly a sweetheart, look at that bashful smile.”

Alex grinned. “I think you like them more than I do, and I know them.”

“Well, I already like Liz, so I know he has good taste.” He grinned when Alex laughed, but kept looking at the picture. “I can just tell there’s more to her than meets the eye, like, she’s playing the part of high school queen but she’s got more to her than that.”

“Please don’t fall in love with Isobel Evans if you come to Roswell with me.”

Michael looked away from the photo, and kissed Alex’s cheek. “No, never.” He turned the flashlight off and set it on the desk. “I don’t want anyone but you, Alex.”

Alex set the pictures on his desk and turned to face Michael. “That’s a relief, because Isobel only dates guys that are taller, and I think you’re shorter than her.”

Laughing, Michael turned Alex around to face him and pressed a kiss to his smiling lips. “I’d like to meet all your friends.”

“Even Kyle?” Alex joked.

“Even Kyle. So I can punch him in the face.”

“His dad is sherriff, that might be a bad idea. And his dad is best friends with my dad, so…”

“Damn it. You just ruined my day.”

“Sorry you can’t punch Kyle,” Alex laughed, wrapping his arms around Michael’s neck and sliding as close to him as possible. “I appreciate the sentiment, however.”

“Maybe Liz could just text him ‘Alex’s boyfriend wants to kick your homophobic ass’ and see what response we get?”

That was a hilarious idea in Alex’s opinion. “I love that idea, but I’m not going to put Liz in the middle of our 7th grade falling out.” He was still grinning, though, highly amused. “I don’t know if she’s in touch with him at all since they broke up. Part of me really hopes you can meet him some time when you come home with me so you can intimidate and annoy him, but a bigger part hopes he’ll just pull his head out of his ass.”

“I like the first option better.”

“It’s certainly more emotionally satisfying.” He kissed Michael happily, still smiling. “Let’s stop talking about Kyle.”

“Fine.” Michael really couldn’t see any reason to continue to talk about him when Alex was pressed against him and he wasn’t going to be allowed to punch the asshole in the face. “His loss, though, baby.”

“I want to say ‘definitely’ and be sassy and self-confident, but I missed having my best friend at the hardest time in my life, and things would have been a lot easier in high school if the popular quarterback had been telling the rest of the football team to leave me alone instead of helping them torture me.”

Michael pressed a sweet kiss to his lips. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“It’s okay, you couldn’t do anything about it from Albuquerque. I’m out of there and really, genuinely happy for the first time in my life.” 

“I’m glad. Same for me. I never thought I’d get this kind of thing. Just a chance to be happy.”

They held each other for a while, content to just be together. The room slowly grew brighter as the current storm moved on and sun started to stream in through the blinds. 

“I bet there’s a rainbow, let’s go outside and look.”

“Okay.” Michael looked down at his current attire. “Do you feel like putting on real clothes? Because I really don’t give a fuck.”

Alex laughed. “Nah. Just put on shoes.”

There were a few other people outside, using the break in the weather to do things they needed to do, but there was an eclectic group of people looking at the sky. Sure enough, there was an intensely colored rainbow displayed against the black clouds to the south. Alex and Michael both joined everyone else in taking pictures of the gorgeous array.

“I know it’s just sunlight refracted through raindrops, but it still feels magical,” Alex commented.

“Isn’t the rainbow the sign of the messenger goddess of Greek mythology? Bringing blessings and stuff from Zues?” Michael looked into Alex smiling eyes. “Not be all sentimental or shit, but I kinda feel blessed to have you.”

Alex giggled. “Gross.” When Michael laughed, he leaned into him and smiled when he put an arm around his shoulders. “If there are gods making things happen in the universe, we’re definitely blessed.” 

“Even though there are people just loitering, you’re snuggling with me,” Michael murmured.

“It’s a rainbow. It’s like the Bat Signal for gays, I have to show my true colors.”

“Oh my fucking god, you’re dead to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had originally intended to have some sexy times in this chapter, but it didn't really fit with the tone. Dance Floor Anthem happens in the middle of chapter 17 btw, just for timeline continuity. Alex loves storms because I do (I'm originally from Oklahoma) and is terrified of bees and wasps because I am (T E R R I F I E D). Julius Squeezer was my friend's dad's boa from when he was a science teacher. The boa in my science department in 9th grade was named Bo, and he loved long hair. I used to put him around my shoulders during class. The day he was choking me and we decided he needed to eat was really funny, because seriously none of the boys would touch the mice so I picked them up by the tails and put them in the cage. And hung around with a bunch of girls who wanted to see him catch, squeeze, and chow down on a mouse. I hate killing things, but this was the circle of life and stuff, snakes eat mice. 
> 
> Michael wanting to touch the lightning and being nervous about it is a reference to the pod squad discovering they do have other powers, but Michael isn't going to try it out until he learns that Max has lightning powers. 
> 
> WORK HAS BEEN HELL as I mentioned before. I'm a speech-language pathologist in the school system, and during your first two years, they can let you go because they don't like your face. I'm pretty sure I'm getting non-reelected, and it's been weighing me down. My friend (whose dad had Julius Squeezer) reminded me that I'm miserable, have a job waiting for me at the charter where I'm part time if I want to go full time, and left my last district on good terms and they'd probably want me back, so this was an exit strategy to move back to San Diego. My one friend out here in the desert had decided to find a way to move back to SD, too, so we hatched a plan to be roommates and get the hell out of the Coachella Valley. Work will likely continue to be hell, but I'll still be writing, I promise!
> 
> Chapter Title: Just Like Heaven - The Cure


	17. Nine in the Afternoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so sorry it's been so long! This chapter got away from me and I finally decided to make the next part it's own chapter because it was just too long (it's really too long). IT'S LONG. But good I think? Thank you to everyone who's messaged me to let me know they're still reading!

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49673961673/in/dateposted-public/)

The power came back on in the wee hours of the morning, and both Michael and Alex jolted awake when the lights and the heater came to life. Both of them had an immediate adrenaline response, and laughed weakly when they realized they were panicking for no reason. Alex fished around on the bed for his phone to check the time.

“Oh, it’s pi time.”

“Pie time?”

“See?” He held out his phone for Michael to see. “It’s 3:14 am.”

“Oh, pi not pie.”

Alex giggled. “Right. Maria, Liz, and I made a pi day apple pie last year, though, with a little pi made out of pie crust on the top.”

“Nerd. We have to do that this year.” Michael yawned. “Think we’ll have class today?”

“Should check and see if anyone cancelled today’s classes yesterday before we get up for our 7:30 classes.”

“Good-” yawn, “-idea.”

They fought with Blackboard for a few minutes. Alex threw his fist into the air. “Yes, algebra is cancelled.”

“I could have anticipated that Just Chris would cancel, and yes, he did.”

“Woot, more sleep.” Alex leaned close and kissed Michael’s cheek. “Wanna turn off the lights?”

“Mhm.” Michael set his phone down and turned back onto his side so he could kiss his boyfriend and flipped the lights off with a thought. “Don’t forget to turn off your alarm.” He laughed a little at Alex grumbling while he found his phone.

“Turn off yours.”

“Oh yah.” Michael fumbled with his phone to turn off his early alarm, and set one for 8:00. “Night baby.”

“Night.”

***

Michael’s alarm went off at 8:00, but they didn’t have class until 9:30 thanks to their cancelled classes. Alex whined a little, and Michael chuckled before he kissed his hair. “We don’t have to get up right away.” 

“Mm.” Alex stretched, managing to rub his entire body against Michael’s. “Any ideas on what to do with the time?”

“Breakfast?” He laughed when he made a disgruntled noise. “Yoga?”

Alex laughed at that. “Only if I get to see you in downward-facing dog. Naked.”

“I have no clue what that is.” 

“I’ll show you later. It’s very revealing.”

“Then I want to see your ass in dog whatever.”

“Hmm. Okay. I could potentially be motivated to do that. Maybe we could give each other hands-on assistance.”

“I might start to like yoga, you never know.” He rolled onto his back and tugged Alex on top of him, smiling when he settled against him. “Maybe it could be part of our morning routine.”

“Maybe.” He decided kissing Michael was much more important than talking about yoga. He groaned when he ran his hands over his back and slid them into his loose pajama pants. “I don’t think that’s part of yoga.”

“Want me to stop?” He dragged his nails lightly over the skin of his ass, grinning when Alex shivered and moaned. “Like that?”

Alex answered by kissing him, enjoying the sensation more than he thought he would. He was ticklish, but this location for tickling was far more pleasurable than other parts of his body. He gasped softly when Michael’s fingers dipped just a little into the cleft of his ass, looked at him, surprised. 

“Yes or no?”

“Yes,” he whispered. He breathed out a tense sigh as Michael’s fingers massaged the sensitive, untouched skin. “Michael.”

Michael smiled, that slow smile that made Alex’s pupils dilate, watching a flush bloom on his cheeks. “Like it?”

He nodded, closing his eyes. “Yah.”

“Have you ever fingered yourself?”

Alex nodded again. “Yah, a couple times. When my dad was out of town, so he couldn’t catch me.”

“Would he just walk into your room?” His fingers stilled. “Seriously?”

“I couldn’t count on him _not_ doing that. I figured if he caught me jacking off it would be bad enough, but with two fingers in my ass? Yah, he’d probably just tell everyone I ran away after dumping my body in the desert.”

“Baby,” Michael answered softly. 

“It’s okay.” Alex kissed him sweetly. “I’m not afraid to do it, if that’s what you want to know.”

“Did you like it?”

“Yah,” he answered, blushing even more. “A lot.”

“What did you use for lube?”

“Unscented lotion.”

Michael chuckled. “Good choice.” He brushed his finger very lightly over his entrance, loving the way Alex shuddered and moaned softly. “We’ll have to get some actual lube.”

“Uh huh.” His mouth dropped open when Michael’s fingers brushed his hole again. “That feels so good.” It was a shaky whisper. He started to rock his hips against Michael’s body. “Fuck.”

He started to massage the pucker lightly, grinning when the volume of Alex’s moans increased and the force of his grinding intensified. “Wanna come like this?”

“Uh huh,” Alex breathed out. He dropped his head, not quite kissing Michael, just brushing their lips together. “Uh, can you-”

Michael increased the pressure, and gently pressed the tip of his finger just inside, grinning when Alex whimpered and his rhythm faltered. “Wanna take off our clothes?”

“Too close.” He adjusted when Michael did so that they were both getting what they needed. “Michael.” 

He couldn’t help but arch up into Alex’s body, and all he could do was grip his ass and pull them together. “Fuck.” He felt the minute that Alex came and groaned, following him in just a few moments. His boyfriend continued to move against him, and he stilled his movements. “Too sensitive.”

“Okay.” He forced himself to stop, even though it still felt good to him. “It takes me a while to wanna stop.”

“Huh.” Michael forced himself to release his death grip on Alex’s ass. “Doesn’t hurt?”

“I can’t tell, it’s like it feels so good but it’s almost too much.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Alex leaned down to kiss him, deepening it when Michael wasn’t breathing as hard, overwhelmed with how much he loved this boy. When he pulled away, he smiled down at him. “We should take a shower.”

“Totally.”

They rushed through a shared shower, laughing when they had to peel their pajama pants off. Alex peeked out the window when they went back into the room. “It might rain again today, dark clouds.” 

“Damn it.” Michael pulled on his clothes. He watched Alex touch the glass. “Is it cold?”

“Weirdly warm. Probably more storms.”

“Stop looking so damned gleeful.”

“It’ll be okay, sweetheart.” Alex dressed quickly. “Check the weather when you get to class. If it’s going to storm, we can skip music appreciation.”

“Nah, I don’t want to miss class.” He stuffed breakfast into his backpack. “Ready to go?”

Alex ran his hands through his hair while looking in the mirror. “Yah, let me get my backpack.”

They hurried out of the building, and stopped awkwardly out front. Alex could see that Michael wanted to kiss him goodbye, and he moved close and gave him a hug. “I’ll see you in music, sweetheart.”

Michael held him for a minute, loving Alex warm in his arms. “See you then.” He kissed his temple lightly before he pulled away. _I love you._

Smiling, Alex squeezed his hand before he walked away. He had to wait for Maria. After a minute, he texted her to hurry the fuck up.

_Alex: Hurry the fuck up_

_Alex: Were gonna be late_

_Alex: Maria _

He waited another minute before he decided to go ahead and go to class. _Her phone is probably dead so she couldn’t set her alarm._ And it wasn’t like they’d planned to meet outside, anyway. 

History was weird without Maria, and he was extra careful to take thorough notes for her. It was an interesting lesson, despite his lack of enthusiasm for history. Dr. Masters was a gifted instructor. It helped that they were talking about feudal Japan, which was relevant to anyone that loved anime. Before class was over, he texted Maria again.

_Alex: I took notes for you_

_ Alex: Slacker_

_ Alex: Ur phones dead isnt it_

Alex was always happy to head to music appreciation, he usually started missing Michael after an hour and a half without him. It looked stormier when he left the building, but rain didn’t look iminent. It was kind of a walk to the music building, though, and he hurried just in case the rain surprised him. Michael was waiting outside the door as usual, and he couldn’t stop smiling as he walked up to him. “Hi, sweetheart.”

Michael looked up from his phone and smiled. He really, really wanted to kiss Alex hello, but he could tell he wasn’t up for that. _It’s new. Don’t be disappointed._ His first boyfriend, Ryan, had been very open about public affection, and it had colored his view of relationships. He was always caught off guard when a boyfriend didn’t want to kiss or hold hands, and had to remind himself that not everyone was comfortable with PDA. Alex looked so adorable, and so happy to see him, though, that it almost made up for it. “Hi, baby.” He moved his arms away from his body to invite him into a hug if he wanted one, and Alex immediately stepped close. Putting his arms around him felt so good. “How was history?”

It was a minute before Alex could pull away enough to have an actual conversation because not much felt as good as a hug from his boyfriend. Eventually he worked up the emotional fortitude to pull away a little. “Weird without Maria.”

“I figured you were waiting for her out front this morning. Did she not show?”

“Huh uh. Her phone is probably dead so she couldn’t set an alarm.”

“Lame.” Michael grinned when Alex laughed. “Using your phone as an alarm has its drawbacks.”

“Yah. I had a back up alarm clock at home for when the power was out.”

Michael made a face. “How often was your power out?”

Alex laughed. “Fairly often, Roswell has unpredictable electricity for some reason.” 

Music appreciation was kinda boring in Alex’s opinion, and the only thing that made it pleasant was that Michael was sitting next to him. They were going over the influences on Beethoven’s works, and he’d never really been a fan. Michael was diligently taking notes, but Alex was just jotting down the main points. _I don’t usually get this bored in here. _

He’d mostly zoned out when a piece of paper was slipped onto his desk from his right side. He glanced at the girl to his right, surprised, but she was looking away. He opened the paper quietly.

_Are you dating the guy with curly hair next to you?_

Confused, Alex wrote a reply.

_Yes. Why?_

He carefully tucked the folded note under her book, and looked at Michael. He had his head cocked to the side and a questioning look on his face. Alex shrugged, unsure of what was happening. He went back to struggling to pay attention, until he noticed the slip of paper returning to his desk.

_I was going to ask you out. :(_

Alex smiled, amused.

_I’m sorry. :) I’m taken...and also gay. But I’m very flattered._

He folded the note back up, and slid it onto her desk. _How funny, I’ve never had a girl want to ask me out before. I’m surprised she wasn’t interested in Michael. He’s so hot. And I thought I looked pretty obviously gay._ He’d worn a t-shirt and a flannel for the last couple of classes, though, so that might have thrown her off. Alex was surprised when the note was passed back to him.

_Your boyfriend is lucky you’re really cute. :( _

Alex wrote a quick reply.

_Oh thank you. I’m lucky to have him, he’s amazing._

He put the note under her book before he winked at Michael. Class was almost over, and Alex managed to pay attention for the last ten minutes. When Dr. Hogan dismissed them, he stretched, relieved that the boredom was over. He looked at the girl who thought he was cute, but she was hurrying to pack up her stuff and deliberately not looking at him, so he didn’t say anything. 

“What was up with the notes?” Michael asked softly as she was walking out. He was zipping up his backpack.

“She asked if we were dating because she was thinking about asking me out.”

Michael grinned, tickled. “Well, you are gorgeous.” He brushed Alex’s hair off his forehead. 

“Oh, thank you, sweetheart.” He smiled. “I put literally zero effort into my appearance today and you still think I’m attractive.”

“I always think you’re attractive. I thought you were attractive when you were sick.”

“Damn. I must be hella sexy.” 

“What the fuck kinda word is ‘hella?’”

Alex laughed and started walking to the door. “YouTube is a bad influence.”

“Yah it is.” 

Michael looked at the sky when they went outside. “Is it less dark now?”

“I think so, maybe the storms will miss us.” He linked his fingers with Michael’s, unwilling to check the weather when he could hold his hand. “I won’t complain about not getting soaked walking back to the dorms.”

“For real. Are you ‘starving,’ baby?”

“Fuck you,” Alex laughed. “Yes. Let’s get lunch.”

Michael discovered he had no such luck, and they got pelted with rain on the way from the dining hall back to their room. It was a short trip, but still. “Fucking sky water.”

Alex laughed as he held the door for his annoyed boyfriend. “A necessary part of life, my dear Michael.”

“Yah, yah.”

“If you’re cold and wet, might I suggest taking off your damp clothes to prevent a chill?”

Michael laughed at Alex’s over-the-top helpfulness. “That sounds like a wonderful idea.” He watched Alex start to undress. “Okay, you’re serious about stripping, got it.”

“I’m uncomfortably wet,” Alex complained. “Even if my mind was pure and innocent, I’d be changing clothes.” He dropped his soggy shirts and jeans into the laundry basket and pulled off his socks. “I don’t feel like putting more back on, I’m just going to get under the covers.”

“That sounds like a fantastic idea,” Michael agreed. He added his clothes to the basket and followed Alex onto the bed, smiling when the other boy held the blankets up for him to crawl under. “Mm, cozy.”

Alex cuddled close to Michael, sighing happily when they were wrapped up in each other’s arms. “Perfect.”

“You don’t feel touch-deprived anymore, right?” 

“No, not anymore. You?”

“I’m good. Not that you should stop any time soon.”

“You’re safe.” He kissed Michael’s chest. “We’re gross.”

“So gross.” He kissed Alex’s hair. “I don’t care.”

“Me either. I like being happy.”

“Me too.” 

“And I’m a dork so I don’t care if I say dorky things to you.”

Michael chuckled. “And I’m still dork-adjacent.” 

“Very adjacent right now.”

“Extremely adjacent. Possibly even overlapping.”

“Our relationship geometry is becoming more complex.”

“You are such an unbelievable dork.”

“As long as I’m _your_ dork, I don’t care.”

“You are definitely my dork.” Michael kissed Alex’s forehead, then his lips when he raised his chin. “You’re the cutest dork I’ve ever known.”

“You’re the hottest alien I’ve ever seen, so we’re even.”

Michael chuckled, fighting down discomfort. “How many other aliens have you seen?” 

“Um, hello,” Alex quipped, _“Star Trek.”_

Michael laughed this time, happy and amused. “Again, dork.” _I love this boy so much._ He kissed him again.

This time the kiss continued to build in passion and intensity until Alex was desperate. “I thought I was horny before, but fuck you make it worse.” He kissed him again, moaning into it when Michael palmed his cock through his boxers.

“Same,” Michael panted. “Good thing we live together.” He tugged Alex’s underwear. “Off?”

“Uh huh.” He helped get them pulled down and kicked them off, then helped Michael. “What do you want?” He didn’t actually give Michael a chance to answer, he kissed him instead. 

He was happy to be kissed for a minute, appreciating that Alex wanted him so much, loving the feelings of being wanted and adored. He pulled away with a gasp. “I want to suck you off.” _Fuck, I want to._ He watched Alex’s face for a reaction. He wasn’t disappointed when he closed his eyes and his mouth dropped open in a soft moan. “Okay?”

“Only if you let me return the favor,” Alex demanded. “You can’t try to talk me out of it.”

“Oh,” he laughed, amused. “Got it. No arguing.” Michael moved to make room for Alex to lay on his back, and kissed him deeply. “Tell me if I do something you don’t like, okay?”

“Promise.” He relaxed into Michael’s kisses, sighing happily when his lips moved down his neck, and moaning again when he bit down, sucking lightly. “Michael.”

Michael smiled against Alex’s skin, really looking forward to kissing every inch of his body at some point. It was such a surfeit of luxury to have the time and opportunity to really learn Alex’s body, with no worries of being interrupted and no fears that he’d annoy more than arouse by taking his time. He kissed down his chest, listening to soft sighs until he licked over Alex’s nipple with the flat of his tongue.

“Oh fuck,” Alex gasped, unable to stop himself from tangling his fingers in Michael’s curls. “That feels good.”

“I’m glad.” He repeated the soft touch before sucking lightly, feeling Alex’s hand tighten in his hair. He didn’t really like that, it made him think of some really bad experiences in the past, but it didn’t bother him as much as usual when Alex did it. Thinking about how much Alex liked his neck bitten, he closed his teeth around the sensitive nub, and was rewarded with a quiet shout, followed by Alex letting go of his hair.

“Sorry, I’m pulling your hair,” he panted, wanting Michael to do it again, but not wanting to hurt the boy he loved so much, especially knowing he’d been so mistreated in his life. He smoothed his fingers through it more gently. “You can tell me to stop, sweetheart.”

Michael looked up at him, touched. “You’re the sweetest thing. I like your hands in my hair, baby, but you’re right, I don’t like it pulled too hard.” 

“I’ll be more careful.” Alex didn’t want to enjoy this experience at Michael’s expense.

“Thank you, Alex.” He returned to the task at hand, biting and sucking Alex’s nipple, then kissing across his chest to repeat the sweet abuse. True to his word, Alex didn’t pull his hair hard enough to hurt again. _How did I get this fucking lucky?_

Alex was so aroused by Michael’s attention to his chest that he was pretty sure he was going to last 30 seconds during the main event. Despite his brain being pretty much turned off, he was taking notes on what Michael was doing to drive him crazy so he could do those things for his boyfriend. He was sure the more they fooled around the more they’d learn about what they liked. When Michael started kissing lightly down his stomach, he couldn’t help but giggle.

“What’s funny?” Michael asked with a smile.

“I’m really ticklish.”

Michael was filled with mischievous glee. “I won’t exploit that right now, but when you least expect it…” He let his voice trail off menacingly.

Laughing, Alex tugged on one curl in retaliation. “Asshole.”

Michael decided that instead of determining the correct level of firmness to keep Alex from laughing when he was kissing his stomach, he’d move down the bed to wrap his hand around his cock. “Hey, I don’t mind swallowing, don’t feel like you have to hold back, I know this won’t take too long.” He winked at Alex to let him know he wasn’t disappointed or irritated.

Alex laughed weakly. “Yah, won’t last long.” He watched in rapt fascination as Michael lowered his head to lick the length of him. “Oh fuck,” he whimpered, and his head dropped back onto the pillow. “Michael.”

_He already sounds gone, I can’t tease him._ Michael took Alex into his mouth, wishing he could smile when he shouted, and proceeded to slide down his cock and pull back up with light suction before swirling his tongue around the head. Alex was clearly trying to keep his hips still, which he appreciated, Michael really didn’t like that loss of control when he was giving a blow job. He knew Alex was seconds from coming, and sucked hard on the head before swallowing his cock, feeling and tasting him come almost immediately - and he still didn’t pull his hair. _I’m the luckiest boy alive, fuck._ Remembering how Alex had said he didn’t get over sensitive too fast, he didn’t pull off right away, waiting until the other boy’s fingers relaxed in his hair. 

All Alex could do was pant, feeling like he had turned into a warm liquid instead of a semi-solid human teenager. Objectively, he’d known a blow job would feel good, but the reality was infinitely better than his imagination. “Michael,” he sighed, smiling at the ceiling before lifting his heavy head to look at him. “Oh my fucking god.”

That pulled a happy laugh out of Michael and he crawled up the bed and laid on top of Alex. “Will you kiss me?”

“Of course.” Alex slid his fingers into Michael’s hair and brought their lips together. It was weird to taste himself on Michael’s tongue, but not _bad,_ and a little bit arousing. When Michael pulled away, he brushed his fingers over his lips. “That was unbelievable.” 

“Glad you enjoyed it.” He rubbed their noses together, something had that seemed silly and stupid before, but seemed perfect with Alex. “Thank you for not pulling my hair.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, sweetheart. You have to be honest when _I_ do things _you_ don’t like, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or unhappy. I’m not going to dump you over it, no matter what, and it will ruin things later. Don’t just put up with something for my pleasure, Michael.”

Michael smiled at him, full of emotion he couldn’t quite name. “Thank you,” he whispered before brushing a kiss over Alex’s smiling lips. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” Alex pulled Michael down for a kiss that he hoped said ‘I love you’ since he was flooded with affection for the other boy. 

They kissed for a while - soft, loving kisses that spoke without words. Michael wasn’t desperate to come, not yet, but he was getting more and more turned on with every soft sound that Alex made. He couldn’t help but rock his hips a little, hoping Alex would pick up on how much he wanted him without breaking the kiss. And hoping Alex really did want to go down on him, because that sounded _fantastic._

Alex broke the kiss when he started to think Michael was getting impatient. “Want me to go down on you? You’ll have to tell me what you like.”

Michael groaned. “Well, since I can’t talk you out of it,” he paused, grinning when Alex laughed, “Yes, I’d love that.”

“Switch me places.”

They traded positions, Alex laying half on top of Michael. He put his hand very softly against Alex’s cheek. “Don’t bite too hard, ‘kay? I like a little teeth but not as hard as you seem to.”

Alex figured he couldn’t blush with as flushed as his face was already. “You could seriously bite me harder.” 

“Damn.”

“So no pain, what else? I’d rather know than find out the wrong way.”

“You’re ridiculously sweet, Alex Manes. I’m not ticklish, and you don’t have to swallow.”

“I appreciate that, but I kinda want to.” 

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “I’m actually, truly, not grossed out by the idea. And it’s hot.”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Really.” 

“I’ll try to warn you.”

“Thanks. I don’t think I’ll mind if you pull my hair, honestly.”

“Okay. Negotiations over? I’m really fucking ready.”

Alex cracked up. “Right.” He kissed Michael’s smile, deepening the kiss and moving down his neck, happy when Michael tipped his head to the side so he had more access. He kissed, nipped and sucked his way down to his collar bone, listening to Michael’s soft moans and gasps. He figured he would _not_ want teeth on his collar bone, since that actually _did_ hurt - not enough padding over the bone. Michael had more muscle that he did on his chest, but he was still careful, not wanting anything to hurt too much. 

“Alex,” Michael whispered. He couldn’t remember if anyone had ever taken this much care of him before a blow job. His reasons to love Alex just kept piling up, and he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to count them there were so many. He gasped and slid his fingers into Alex’s hair when he licked over his nipple, then sucked lightly. “Like that.” He moaned when he scraped his teeth lightly before sucking again. “Fuck.” It felt amazing, no one had ever done that for him before.

Alex was thrilled with Michael’s reaction, that had been a spur of the moment inspiration. He kissed and licked his way across Michael’s chest to pay attention to his other nipple. Michael had more chest hair than he did, and it was kinda weird to kiss over it, but not bad, just different. He repeated his gentle abuse and was rewarded with Michael’s fingers tightening in his hair when he sucked harder. He was right, he didn’t care if Michael pulled his hair. It kinda felt good. He kissed his way down Michael’s flat stomach, starting to get a little nervous, but throttling it down. Even if he hadn’t actually given a blow job before, it wasn’t like he didn’t know what to _do_, there was plenty of both porn and instructional literature on his mental hard drive. And now he had first hand experience. He pulled back and adjusted his position so he could reach Michael’s cock comfortably. “Tell me if you want me to do something different, okay? I probably need guidance,” he giggled. 

“You’re doing fine so far,” Michael assured him. “Feel free to experiment. You can’t really mess up unless you like, bite me or something.”

Alex laughed again. “I’m pretty sure I won’t do that, no matter how inexperienced I am.” He took a deep breath in and out, before wrapping his hand around Michael gently and lowering his mouth to lick the head. It was weird, but like every other weird thing about sex, it wasn’t _bad_. Michael moaned loudly, and he repeated it, encouraged. 

He just used his tongue for a little while, getting used to the idea of actually performing oral sex on Michael, and still nervous. But nothing he’d done led to complaints, so that was good. Alex mentally prepared himself, then took Michael into his mouth, sucking just a little, and sliding down as far as he could without gagging. Apparently, that was good, because Michael shouted and gripped his hair, hard, spreading goosebumps all over his body. _At this rate I’m going to need to come again from getting turned on going down on Michael._ He pulled up and repeated the action, realizing Michael really liked it, that he was actually not doing a terrible job. When his jaw started to get tired, Alex used his tongue again, and encouraged by his earlier experiment, very lightly scraped his teeth along the shaft. That led to an outright yell from Micheal, followed by a string of incoherent swearing, and Alex wished he could smile. 

“Oh fuck, Alex, do that again,” he begged. This time he sucked a little harder before using his teeth, and it was amazing. “Fuck, yes.” He’d never had anyone try that. “I’m close, baby.”

Thrilled, absolutely fucking thrilled, Alex sped up, taking him deep and sucking more, knowing that he wouldn’t taste it as much if Michael came in the back of his throat, and he’d just automatically swallow. The fingers twisting in his hair and the way Michael was rocking his hips were so fucking arousing that he could feel himself getting hard again. Alex felt the minute that Michael came, accompanied by a loud shout and the bitter taste of semen on the back of his tongue. It wasn’t gross, though, and he swallowed without thinking about it. 

“Fuck, Alex,” Michael panted. “Get up here.”

Alex grinned and crawled up to drop down on top of his boyfriend. “Will you kiss me?” he asked in a repeat of Michael’s earlier query.

“Yes,” Michael laughed before pulling him down for a kiss with a hand in his hair. It was an amazing kiss, and he didn’t want to stop but he was still having trouble breathing. “Fuck, Alex. A+ first try at a blow job.” 

“Glad I did okay.” Alex was pretty sure he was glowing from the praise and relief. 

“Did I pull your hair too hard?”

“No,” Alex assured him. “I really liked it. I’m half hard from it,” he admitted. “I was right, that was really hot.”

“Dude, really?” He felt it when Alex rocked against him. “It’s been like 15 minutes. If that.”

“Young, horny teenager?” Alex giggled. “I can ignore it, though, I’ll survive.”

“Huh uh. No just surviving.” He pushed on Alex’s shoulders so he’d roll onto his side. “Making you come twice in an hour sounds like an accomplishment I’m willing to try for.”

“It’ll take a little while, I’m not there yet,” Alex laughed. He didn’t resist when Michael moved close and kissed him. He rolled onto his back, even though that put him up against the wall, taking Michael with him. 

“You like me on top of you,” Michael observed.

“I feel sorta, I don’t know,” Alex groped for words, “Protected? It’s a turn on, but it’s more emotional than that.”

Michael stroked his cheek. “I’ll definitely stand between you and the world if I have to, Alex.”

Alex caught his hand and kissed his fingers. “As long as you know I’ll do the same.” He released Michael’s hand to pull him down into a kiss. “We’re in this together.”

“Yah, we are.” _No one will hurt you again, not while I’m alive._ “We get really emotional after sex.”

“Yah,” Alex giggled. “I think it’s because it’s not just sex.”

“I think you’re right. You’re sensitive and sweet, it’s not really surprising. Just different from other experiences.”

“We also have time,” Alex added. “Like you said, no one’s going to walk in on us, we can be emotional messes for as long as we want.”

“That’s part of it too.” 

Alex stretched and yawned. “I think I’d rather take a nap than get off again.”

“Okay, that’s a serious level of lazy, when you’d rather sleep than have sex.”

“I’m not even hard anymore,” Alex laughed. “We spent too long being sickenly sweet to each other.”

Michael kissed Alex’s smiling lips. “Okay, nap it is.”

They curled up together under the blankets, listening to rain hitting the window, and fell asleep. 

***

“Okay, Alex, I need to make a trip to Walgreens. Here’s my question, do you want to go with me, or will you be too embarrassed?” 

Alex looked up from his desk, where he was finishing up his music appreciation paper. It wasn’t due until the week of Thanksgiving, but he wanted to be done with it before his history project was due. “Why would I be embarrassed to go to Walgreens?” They had the best make up section among drug stores.

Michael raised an eloquent eyebrow.

“Oh,” Alex answered weakly, realizing what Michael was talking about. “Um, yes, I will be embarrassed. But I’ll go.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know,” Alex answered, nodding. “You’re sweet that way.” He smiled when Michael scoffed. “But I kinda have to get over being embarrassed to buy lube if I want to continue to be gay.”

That pulled an uproarious laugh out of Michael. “I would like you to continue to be gay.” He watched as Alex saved his paper and closed his laptop. “You might want to put on pants.”

Alex looked down at the hideous yet luxuriously comfy palm tree pants. “I’m pretty sure they’ve seen weirder at Walgreens, but I do plan to put on real pants. These pants, in fact.” He’d draped his jeans over the back of his chair when they’d come back from dinner. He pulled them on and grabbed the UNM hoodie that was hanging over the edge of the bed. “This one’s yours,” he said after sniffing the fresh scent of Irish Spring and the warm scent that was just Michael.

“Are you going to take it back off?”

“No, put on mine.”

“We’re going to be that couple at Walgreens.” Michael didn’t argue, he took Alex’s hoodie off the third rung of the ladder up to Alex’s bed, and pulled it over his head. He couldn’t deny that he felt a soft little thrill that he was wearing his boyfriend’s hoodie. “Now I’m going to smell like lavender.” He actually gave zero fucks. As much as he didn’t like smelling like flowers, he loved the way Alex smelled, and sniffed the soft black fabric again. “We’re such dorks.”

“We are.” Alex pulled on his checkerboard Vans. “Let’s go.”

There was a Walgreens not too far from campus, and Alex decided he didn’t care if he ran into someone he knew while he was buying gay sex supplies. _Speaking of…_

“Michael?”

“Hm?”

“I’m a virgin, you literally can’t get sick, do we need condoms?” 

Michael pondered that. He’d never actually had sex without one. Even if he couldn’t catch human illnesses, none of his partners had known that. “That’s a good question. How do you feel about it?”

“I’m not sure. You’ve used them before, right?”

“Yah, of course.” He thought seriously for a moment. “I’ve never not used one, so there’s really no way I could have caught anything, even if I _could_ catch anything.”

Alex was quiet for a minute, just thinking. “What about hot tub sex?”

Michael cracked up. “We didn’t actually have intercourse in the hot tub.”

“Probably wise,” Alex giggled. “I’m okay with not using them if you are.”

“Okay. I’m good with that.” He reached across the seat to squeeze Alex’s hand. “I’m not planning on jumping you any time soon, so it’s not an immediate concern anyway.”

“What? I was hoping you’d fuck me across the hood of the truck in the parking lot.” He grinned when Michael burst out laughing. “Yah, no, I get that.”

“You made me spit on my windshield,” Michael complained, still laughing as he pulled into a spot in front of the store. 

“I do feel like making out in the back of your truck is pretty much required once it’s warm again.” 

Michael smiled. “I love the idea of kissing you under the stars.” He squeezed Alex’s hand again and got out of the truck. 

“I wanted to kiss you that first night we went out to the desert. I couldn’t think of anything more romantic than laying in the bed of the truck looking at the stars with you.” Alex rounded the front of the truck to join his boyfriend. “I wished that you could be my boyfriend on the shooting star.”

“Same. To all of it.” 

They started walking toward the door. “I was telling Maria that on move in day when we went to the duck pond, I almost took your hand, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. What would you have done?”

“Kissed you and prayed that I could trust you with my secrets down the line.”

Alex grinned. “Maria said that you would have kissed me.”

“I wanted you the minute I saw you.” 

They went into the store, and Alex headed toward the make up without thinking about it, then laughed. “You can tell what I’m usually buying at a drugstore.” 

Michael followed him. “You only really wear eyeliner and nail polish, what else do you look at?”

“Well, that’s all I wear right now,” Alex explained. “But I’ve always wanted to do really glam make up for, like, parties or going out.”

“Huh.” Michael thought about that for a minute. “I’d kinda like to see you made up that way, I can’t really picture it.”

Alex smiled. “I’ll show you pictures. Definitely not drag queen make up. There are more styles of make up for boys than that now.” He bent down to the bottom shelf. “I actually do need nail polish remover.”

“Okay.” 

They moved out of the make up section. “Wanna get some snacks while we’re here? And I think we need toilet paper.”

“You’re trying to buy a bunch of stuff so that the cashier doesn’t notice the lube on the counter.”

“You’re on to me.”

Michael laughed. “That’s fine, I get it. I’m just incapable of being embarrassed.”

“I’m entirely capable of being embarrassed, so…”

“You’re adorable. Come on.”

Alex grabbed a basket from the front of the store to hold their purchases. They each got a cold root beer, which they discussed liking but had never bought before; Alex’s favorite teriyaki beef jerky; a big bag of corn chips and a jar of salsa - which they discussed being safe only because it was a name brand, but knowing it would be inferior to real salsa; paper towels and toilet paper; and finally, Michael dragged Alex to the condom (and feminine product) aisle to look at personal lubricants.

“If you ‘want to continue being gay,’” he began, pulling a laugh out of Alex, “You have to buy lube.” He pointed to the first brand. “KY works, but it’s not the best. It’s the cheapest, but not great.” Next brand. “I have no idea what this is, but the fact that it’s perfumed is a big no-no, you don’t want that kind of chemical inside your body. Also, gross.”

“Um, darling, I hate to inform you of this, but flavored lube is a thing in the gay world.” 

Michael looked at him, eyes wide, surprised. “I did not know that.” He could only imagine the reason. 

Alex laughed at the look of utter shock on Michael’s face. “If you don’t know why, I’ll tell you later.”

“No, I figured it out.” 

“You’re right, though, a floral scent sounds gross. But women need lubricant, too, sometimes, so I’m sure that’s why.”

“You know, you’re right. How do you know?”

“The internet is a thing, dear. And all of my friends are girls.” Alex was rapidly losing his feelings of embarrassment in the face of having knowledge of lube that Michael didn’t. “You don’t have to go brand by brand, sweetheart, Astroglide is the one you want.” He laughed at the look on Michael’s face. “But not this 2 litre bottle of it.” He pointed to the unbelievably large jug of it on the shelf. “I know buying in bulk is cost effective, but that _really_ implies an unhealthy amount of anal sex.” 

Bursting out laughing, Michael took the reasonably sized container from beside the giant bucket of slippery liquid. “How could you even lift the bottle to get some on your hand?”

“Like pouring soda out of a 2 litre bottle I guess. Maybe you have to have abnormally large man hands to use this much lube.”

“Maybe.” 

At the front of the store, Junior Mints, Milk Duds, Skittles, M&Ms, and Sour Patch Kids ended up in the basket. “We shouldn’t come to Walgreens,” Michael laughed, “Look at all this junk food.”

“I know, but the candy is on sale!” 

“You never eat candy.”

“I know, but I really want some. It just sounds good.” They went up to the counter and put the basket down for the cashier. “I’ll pay since you got the last Target run.”

“Deal.”

Thankfully for Alex’s cheeks and peace of mind, the cashier didn’t bat an eyelash at the personal lubricant. _She’s probably, no definitely seen weirder. It’s a 24 hour Walgreens._

They headed back to the truck and got in. “Well, Alex, you’ve officially bought lube.”

“I feel so much more gay.” He grinned when Michael laughed. “It was relatively painless.” 

“That’s the point of lube.” 

Alex burst out in disturbed laughter. “Jesus christ Michael.”

He grinned. “Was that in bad taste?” 

“Well, we didn’t get a flavor, so…” 

It was Michael’s turn to laugh, slightly weirded out. “I have never before considered all of the options for eating ass.”

Alex giggled. “Have you ever done that?”

Michael shook his head. “No. I don’t have, like, a problem with the idea, I’ve done oral sex with girls, but it’s like, advanced gay sex.”

“As opposed to gay sex 101.” Alex was highly amused by the idea, grinning when Michael laughed. 

“Is that something you’d want?”

Alex had already had flushed cheeks, but he was pretty sure his blush went up a level. “Um, yes.” He tried not to be embarrassed by his body’s reaction to the idea, and turned his imagination off. 

“Good to know.” Michael was quiet for a minute, digesting that. “Your mind really is a filthy place.”

“So filthy.”

Back in their room, they spread out the futon, poured the salsa in Alex’s black bowl, and put Alex’s laptop on the floor so they could watch a movie. “This is so comfy,” Alex announced happily. “The futon was a great purchase.”

“100% agree.” Michael leaned over and kissed his boyfriend. “What movie are we going to watch?”

Alex was scrolling through his movies. _“Shaun of the Dead?” _

“What’s that?”

“I’m not going to explain, it’s too funny, I want you to be surprised.” He queued up the movie. “Turn off the lights?”

They happily watched the _ridiculous_ movie, both of them laughing, Michael especially amused. “This is so stupid, I love it.”

“I know, right?”

They made it through the entire movie, laughing, and finishing the chips and salsa. “That was incredibly entertaining, thank you.” 

“I think it’s a testament to my movie choices that we’ve never made out during one.”

“Give it time.”

They cleaned up the snacks and put away the futon. Alex looked at his phone. “It’s almost 11:00, wanna go to bed? We both have 7:30 classes.”

“Fuck, I didn’t know it was so late. Yah.” Michael pulled Alex close and kissed him. “I love sleeping together, baby.”

“Me too.” He pulled away to get in bed, happy when Michael followed. “As much as I’d like to put our new purchase to use, I really just want to sleep.”

Michael laughed softly. “There’s always tomorrow.”

***

Alex was waiting outside the humanities building for Maria, looking at his phone. Michael had texted him a sneaky picture of his physics professor, who had shown up to teach in the Winnie the Pooh pajama pants and a Texas Tech sweatshirt. 

“Hey you.” 

He looked up to see Maria walking toward him in sweatpants, Uggs, and hoodie with the hood up. “Party too much last night?”

“I have never been this hungover. But I missed class Tuesday so I couldn’t really skip today.”

“Uh, yah, slacker.” 

“Just wait until you’re hungover and need to go to class, I’ll roast you.”

“I probably will go to class no matter how hungover I am,” Alex mused. “I just don’t skip class.”

“Yet,” Maria argued. “Yet.”

They took their usual seats in the back of the giant history room. Alex showed Maria the picture of Michael’s physics teacher. “Look, you and the grad student who teaches Michael’s class kinda match today.”

“Ugh, don’t make me laugh, my head is killing me.”

He texted Michael before class started.

_Alex: I miss you_

_ Alex: Send me a selfie_

_ Michael: You’re a dork but you’re too sweet to argue with. Hang on._

Alex waited a minute for Michael to send him a picture. When it came through, it was a great picture, with that sweet smile that only he got to see. It was _so_ cute that Alex got butterflies. “It’s stupid how much I love this guy.” 

“I said don’t make me laugh. Have you told him yet?”

“No, I’m waiting for the perfect moment. He knows, though. We both know.”

_Alex: ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤_

_ Alex: Youre so gorgeous _

_ Alex: That smile gets to me_

_ Michael: Class is starting baby. 😘_

_ Alex: 😍_

“Did you really ask for a selfie because you missed him from this morning?”

Alex scowled. “Thanks for creeping on my phone and yes.”

“Gross.”

“I know but shut up anyway.”

The entirety of class, Alex was thinking about Micheal’s sweet smile in the picture, and how much Michael clearly loved him. _I can feel how much he loves me every time he looks at me._ It was kinda distracting, but loving Michael was, in itself, distracting. He managed to focus enough to get the main points on paper. Alex was a good student, and did his best in every class, but freshman world history was _not_ difficult and he’d already done the reading for the week so was familiar with the topic anyway. Maria looked like she was going to fall asleep on her notebook and he poked her periodically to make sure she was both awake and extra miserable. His thoughts drifted back to Michael as class was ending. “I’m going to be brave today.”

“Really? How?”

Alex knew he was smiling like a dumbass. “I’m going to kiss Michael when I get to music appreciation.”

“Aw!” Maria shoved him gently. “Is he cool with that?”

“Yah, I can tell he’s wanted to kiss me in public a couple times, but I was too scared.”

“Do you think anyone will say anything?”

He thought about that for a minute. That was why he hadn’t kissed Michael yet, because he didn’t know what people would say or do. “I kinda don’t care anymore. I love him and I want to kiss him hello. I’ve wanted to since the first day of classes.”

“You guys are ridiculous. Have you had sex yet?”

“God, keep your voice down,” Alex demanded, waving his hands at her. “And if you just mean intercourse, then no.” He waited impatiently for Maria to stand up, she was putting her stuff away at a snail’s pace. Apparently, it took a minute for the implications of his statement to filter through Maria’s hungover brain, because there was a much longer delay between him talking and her giving him a shocked look than normal. 

“I need to hear all of the dirt, Alex, you’ve been naughty and haven’t told me about it.”

“Well you’re not getting it right now because I’m going to my next class.” 

“We have _plenty_ of time before your next class.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “No, I’m not having this conversation in a public place, and you need to go recover enough to go to your dance class.”

Maria whimpered and fake-sobbed. “I don’t wanna go to class. My head hurts. I wanna hear about your sex life since I don’t have one right now.”

“I’ll fill you in on all the gory details later. For now I’m going to go to music appreciation and kiss my boyfriend hello when I get there.” 

“I’ll hold you to that.”

They walked out of the building and Maria whined at the sunny sky before pulling her hood down further over her eyes. “You should have worn your sunglasses.” Alex put his on as he made the comment. 

“It was cloudy this morning.”

“I keep mine in my backpack.”

“Shut up, you’re always so prepared for shit.”

Alex laughed at her disgruntled tone. “I had a flashlight, batteries, phone power banks, and an alarm clock ready for the power outage.”

“Fuck you,” Maria complained with a laugh. “Why?”

“Because when you get the shit beaten out of you for the smallest thing, you learn to be over prepared so there’s no way you can mess up.” 

Maria stopped walking and put her hand on Alex’s arm. “I didn’t think about that. I’m sorry, Alex.”

He shook his head. “It’s okay, I’m free now. Michael would never hurt me, and I know you won’t. I’m safe.”

“Michael is a good person, a truly good person, my mom even commented on it when I talked to her.” They started walking again. “When I told her you two finally got together she was so relieved, she said that he was a pure soul who would care for you always.”

“He’s amazing. Just so amazing. I love him more than anything in the world.”

“What did Mom say?” Maria thought for a minute. “She said his heart awakened the day you were born, and his soul had come from the cosmos to join yours.”

Alex stared at her, eyes wide. “Holy fuck, that’s some deep shit.” _I can’t wait to tell Michael that._ He was slightly concerned about the ‘from the cosmos’ part. “What does ‘from the cosmos’ mean?” _Please don’t say he’s an alien._

“She said the same thing to Liz when she asked for advice about Max Evans. You know how she was falling for him just before school ended.” 

“And Mimi said Max came ‘from the cosmos’ for her? How could she stand to go to college knowing that?”

“Mom told her it wasn’t time yet, and she’d know when to come back to him.”

“I’m really curious about what ‘from the cosmos’ means.” Alex stopped at the point where Maria would need to head back to the dorms and he’d have to go to the music building.

“You should text her and ask. I have no idea. But keep in mind my mom believes in angels, aliens, and supernatural beings, so yah.”

“Good point.”

Alex tried to put the phrase out of his mind, but couldn’t, because even if he had to worry that Mimi thought his boyfriend was an alien, she had said that his entire reason for being on Earth was for him. _He really did hatch at just the right time to be mine._ It was an amazing thought.

When he got to the music appreciation room, Michael was leaning against the wall looking at his phone like usual. He was smiling as he walked up to him, and said “Hi, sweetheart,” softly. 

Michael looked up and smiled. “Hey.” He put his phone in his pocket and opened his arms for a hug. 

_Be brave._ Alex moved close to him, and cupped his cheek with his right hand, before pressing their lips together in a gentle kiss. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was about as thrilling as jumping off a high dive, in Alex’s opinion. He got to watch Michael’s surprise melt into happiness, and grinned. “Missed you.” He pressed his face against Michael’s neck when he wrapped him up in his arms. 

“Missed you too, baby.” He rubbed Alex’s back and let him step away when he was ready. “That was a fantastic hello.”

Alex knew he was blushing, but he was happy, not embarrassed. “I decided I wanted to be brave today.”

“I’m glad.” Michael felt like his heart might be overflowing. “You’re adorable, you know that?”

“I’d like to argue that I’m tough or manly or something, but I’m really not.”

Michael laughed softly. “You could be if you had to be.”

Alex considered that. “I wonder what I’d be like in the military? Obviously, I’d have to hide basically all of who I am, take out my piercings, pretend to be straight. How would my personality change?”

“I don’t want to imagine you hard and cold and serious.” Michael ran a hand through Alex’s soft hair. “I don’t want to think about you forgetting how to be honest and open. I don’t want to consider you living your whole life afraid to love someone.”

“I don’t want to be like my dad, or any of my brothers. I don’t want to think about life without you.”

Unable to resist, Michael pulled Alex into a hug. “You can’t get rid of me,” he teased softly, pulling away when Alex laughed. “We’re so gross.”

“So intensely gross.” Alex looked around. “Oh, fuck. I hope the girl that liked me didn’t think we were flaunting our relationship or something.”

The crowd waiting for the door was pretty small, and Michael didn’t see her. “I don’t think she’s here yet.”

“Good. I don’t want my happiness to make someone else unhappy.”

“You’re the sweetest thing, Alex.”

As they watched, a young woman walked up with a sign, and taped it to the door. “Hey, are all of you here for music appreciation?” She waited while people answered. “Vicki had a family emergency so she’s out of town. She said she didn’t know if she’d be back by Tuesday but we’ll post it on Blackboard one way or the other.”

Alex looked at Michael. “I had no idea how often classes would get cancelled in college.”

“Me either.” He held out his hand for Alex, who linked their fingers together. “Food?”

“Food sounds good. Even though I’m not ‘starving.’”

“What a shock.”

“Oh, hey, remind me to tell you what Maria’s mom said when she told her we’d finally gotten together, it’s really deep.”

“You can’t tell me now?”

Alex shook his head. “No, it’s too meaningful to just blurt out on the way to the cafeteria with tons of people around.”

Michael laughed. “Okay, got it.”

There were more people in the dining hall at lunch time than when they usually got out of class after 1:00, and Alex didn’t feel like Mimi’s words should be said in the middle of a noisy crowd either. He waited until after they ate and got back to their room. 

“So what did Maria’s mom say?”

Alex went to where he was standing and put his arms around his neck. “She said she was relieved that we were together, because you were a truly good person, with a pure soul, and you would love me and take care of me forever.”

“Oh...wow.” Michael felt a little overwhelmed by the words. “I never thought of myself as pure or good, but apparently I’m wrong?”

“You’re basing your ideas of pure and good on the so-called Christians you’ve lived with all your life.” Alex kissed him softly. “You are genuinely a good person, Michael. Purity is equal to not having sex according to most people, but that’s crap and we both know it. Spring water is pure because it’s not polluted. You’ve been through tough times but you’re not polluted either.”

Michael felt like Alex was possibly wrong, but had to accept that his beliefs about everything were warped by the people he’d grown up around. “I don’t even know how to respond to that.”

“She also said,” Alex continued, “that your heart was awakened the day I was born, and that your soul came from the cosmos to be with mine.”

“Are you serious?” Michael felt like his eyes were probably the size of dinner plates. “Does she know?” That had been his number one fear when Alex had told him Mimi was psychic, that she’d know he wasn’t human, and that she would tell others. _Fuck fuck fuck._

“I have no idea, I asked Maria what she meant by it, and she told me I should text her.” He cupped Michael’s jaw. “Breathe, sweetheart.”

Michael forced himself to relax, and took Alex’s hands so he could kiss them. “That’s terrifying.”

“She said the same thing to Liz about Max Evans, but told her it wasn’t the right time for them and she’d know when to come back.”

“Max from the prom picture?” He waited while Alex nodded. “So she probably wasn’t implying I was an alien if she said the same thing about a normal boy.”

“Maria also reminded me that her mom believes in angels and supernatural beings in addition to aliens so I could have my choice of what it meant.”

“Do you want to ask her?”

“Do you want me to?”

Michael thought about it. “No. I don’t want to open a can of worms.”

“That’s fair.” Alex kissed him. “I liked the idea that your heart awoke the day I was born, though.”

“I like that part, too.” They just held each other for a few minutes. “I do think that I hatched at the right time to be the same age as you. I wonder if the other two have an Alex?” _I hope, wherever they are, they have someone who loves them as much as Alex loves me. Someone to share the secret with, someone who cares unconditionally. I was so alone and Alex has given me so much in the time I’ve known him. We all hatched at the same time, I want to believe there’s someone for each of us. _

“I hope so.” Alex brushed a stray curl off of Michael’s forehead. “Do you want to lay down for a while before you have to go meet your lab group?”

“Yah, actually, let me text Jaime and see where we’re meeting today.”

They were both happy a few minutes later when they were cuddled up together under the blankets. “Do you think we’ll still sleep like this when we have a bigger bed?”

Michael chuckled and kissed Alex’s hair. “Probably. But when one of us moves around there won’t be any fear of falling.”

“Or becoming one with the wall.” 

“Next year.” He smiled at Alex’s happy sigh. “Yah, it’s pretty great as is.”

“A+ sigh interpretation.”

“I’ll change my major.” 

“There can’t possibly be any money in sigh interpretation.”

Michael laughed. “You say the funniest shit sometimes.”

“Thank you, I try.” Alex lifted his head from Michael’s chest to ask for a kiss. “When and where are you meeting?”

“3:00 and over at Frontier. Jaime has his brother’s car today so I don’t have to drive anywhere and lose my good parking spot.”

“Sweet.” Alex yawned. “Maria wants to torture me for information so I’ll probably go submit to my interrogation when you leave.”

“It’s been literally hours since she bugged you about our sex life.”

Alex laughed. “Well, in her defense, we haven’t really talked in a couple days and things have advanced dramatically between us.”

“And she needs all the details because she’s a perv.”

“Pretty much. You should have seen her this morning, she was so hungover that she was 100% pure college student stereotype.”

“Jesus christ, DeLuca,” Michael laughed. “Who parties that hard on a Wednesday night?”

“Apparently dancers party on Wednesdays.”

“Who knew?” Michael found himself yawning. “Wanna take a nap until I have to go?”

“I didn’t even have to suggest it,” Alex teased. “Where’s a phone so we can set an alarm?”

Michael turned his head to look at his desk, and brought his phone to his hand. “2:15?”

“Sounds good.” 

“Is it okay if I turn on my side?”

Alex laughed softly. “No, suffer for my comfort.” He smiled when Michael laughed, and scooted back. “Of course.”

He turned onto his left side, and felt Alex snuggle up to his back, putting an arm under the pillow and one around his waist. He caught Alex’s right hand in his and threaded their fingers together over his chest. The words ‘I love you’ were on his lips, but this wasn’t the right moment. He wanted it to be perfect. 

“I kinda like being the big spoon.” Alex kissed the back of Michael’s neck. “Your hair smells good.”

Michael chuckled. “I’m glad. I like being the little spoon.” He smiled when Alex kissed his neck again. “You have to stop or sleep won’t happen.”

Alex hummed softly in response. “Okay, I’ll stop for now.” _I love you so much._ It was on the tip of his tongue, but he wanted a more romantic setting for their first declarations of love. 

They drifted off, content with their little world.

***

Michael stood outside the door to Frontier. He was running a little late, he’d gotten caught up kissing a sweet and sleepy Alex and lost track of time, and he could see that Caden was already there. No sign of Leon yet. 

“Hey, you okay?”

Michael shook himself and looked to his left to see Jaime coming up to him. “Caden beat us both?”

Jaime shook his head. “No, I forgot my notebook.” He held it up. “You don’t want to see him, do you.” It was a statement.

“No. Or Leon.”

“I can work with them, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

“No, I need to get over it. I can hate them all I want, but I do want an A in lab. And I’m the better man, literally.”

“Definitely, dude. Come on.”

Michael followed Jaime to the table. Frontier didn’t have wifi, but Michael and Jaime both had their computers for notes. Caden was looking at his phone with a soda in front of him, no evidence of a backpack or books. _Typical_. He dropped into a chair and pulled his bag into his lap to get out his materials.

“Hey, Michael.”

He looked at Caden when he spoke, but noticed that he wasn’t looking away from his phone. _Avoiding eye contact._ “Hey.”

Jaime cleared his throat. “Did you text Leon?”

“Yah, he’s on his way,” Caden answered, not looking away from his screen. “He was at his girlfriend’s house and forgot.”

“Of course,” Jaime muttered. He turned away from Caden. “How’s Alex?”

Completely unable to keep from smiling, which pulled a laugh out of Jaime, Michael answered, “He’s fine.”

“Just fine?”

Michael laughed. “Okay, more than fine.”

“More than fine?”

“He’s great.”

“Who are you talking about?”

They all looked at Leon, who was, predictably, looking at his phone.

“My boyfriend.”

The Tweedles went still. Caden broke the silence. “You’re gay?”

“Bi.”

Leon slowly slid into the chair across from Michael. “I didn’t know you had a-a boyfriend.”

Michael cocked an eyebrow at the stuttered syllable. “I almost didn’t, because you assholes pissed me off so bad last week that I missed him wanting to kiss me and he thought I’d rejected him.” The pain and panic of almost losing Alex was still sharp and raw even after a week of unutterably sweet affection between them. _It’s only been a week, fuck. I feel like we’ve been married for ten years._

“You...you were that mad?” Caden sounded both shocked and ashamed. Michael was surprised.

“I was more than mad. If the two of you had any idea what my childhood was like you’d cry your spoiled baby eyes out.” He watched them both bristle at the insult, and stared them down. “Rounding up people who are different? Sexual assault? Experimenting on live subjects?” Michael shook his head, fighting down renewed anger and despair. “You’re so lucky you didn’t grow up like I did.” Some of what the religious fanatics had done was on par with experiments on live subjects. His back hurt just thinking about it. He was glad it had been long enough that his vision didn’t grey out from a panic reaction anymore. “Whether you believe in aliens or not, the idea that any of that was okay to you was, and is, really disturbing. I mean, what if it was, I don’t know, refugees from, like, the middle east. They don’t have the same culture, they don’t speak our language, they look different, and they’re helpless. Would you want to round them up?”

“They’re human,” Leon argued.

“And if aliens looked human? How could you look into the eyes of a woman that’s just like your mom or sister or girlfriend and _do_ that?”

“Why does it matter that they’re not human?” Jaime asked. “They’re still people. You were discussing doing that to intelligent people. And dude, you shouldn’t treat animals like that either.”

“You guys are taking this way too far.”

“Caden,” Michael began, weary at only 18, “If you can’t understand how your thoughts about hypothetical situations would influence your actions in a real situation, I can’t help you. You’re too dumb.”

“Fuck you,” the boy retorted. “I’m not dumb.”

“No offense, of course, Mr. Straight F’s,” Jamie added.

“You guys are such assholes.” 

“And you, Leon, are a disappointing lab partner.” Michael rolled his eyes. “Are you passing any of your classes?”

“Yah, actually.”

“Besides lab,” Jaime clarified, and laughed when his expression soured.

“You’re both going on academic probation after this semester if you don’t get your heads out of your asses. So why don’t you sit down and contribute to the lab prep as practice for doing work in your other classes.”

Caden looked pained. Michael knew his dad was going to cut off his cash supply if he didn’t bring his grades up. He didn’t really have patience for idiots, and Caden and Leon were both idiots. 

“Okay fine.” Leon dropped his head onto the table. “What are we doing?”

***

_Alex: Text me when your back from class_

_ Alex: Michael left so you can grill me_

_ Alex: Like a rare steak_

Alex had zoned out and was just staring at the ceiling when his phone chimed.

_Maria: Girl, you are gonna be well done after I grill you._

_ Maria: I’m getting in the shower, give me like 15 minutes then head on up._

_ Alex: k_

“Guess I should be upright soon, then.” Alex yawned. Michael had been gone about half an hour, and he hadn’t managed to motivate himself out of bed yet. “I’ve gotten so much lazier since I got here.” It was 3:45 and he had homework to do and was just lounging in his undies and preparing to go hang out with Maria instead of doing said homework. “College changes you.” 

Reluctantly, Alex dropped down off the side of the bed to put on clothes. He rummaged in the dresser and pulled out a pair of soft flannel pants and put his t-shirt back on. His hair looked comically bad, but after brushing it, it was just sorta eh, and he decided he didn’t care. “It’s just Maria.” He didn’t bother with shoes, just socks, and grabbed his keys and phone and went up to 404. 

The door wasn’t propped open for once, so he knocked and heard a shout that it was unlocked. Zoey was in the process of putting on a coat when he walked in. “Oh, are you leaving?”

“Yah, a bunch of us are on the crew for a community theater show, so we’re going to go build sets.”

“Oh, I had no idea.”

“Every actor is also a carpenter. That’s how Harrison Ford ended up as Han Solo, he was on the crew building sets and they asked him to read a part. The rest is history.”

“Zoey, you just out-nerded me, I didn’t know that.” 

“Now you can out-nerd the next person you meet, just give me credit.” She waved and headed out the door.

Maria chose that moment to exit the bathroom in a giant towel. Alex laughed. “Wow, you really dressed up for my visit.”

“It has not been 15 minutes,” she accused. “You are not supposed to be here yet.”

He looked at his phone. “It’s been 23 minutes.”

“Lies.” 

He noted the towel on her head. “You should know better than to tell me 15 minutes if you’re going to wash your hair.”

“Yah, yah. Turn around unless you want to see a naked girl.”

“My eyes! They burn!” Alex laughed as he turned away. “Are you going to interrogate me while you go through your conditioning routine?”

“I can multitask.”

“You should leave it natural for a while, it’s so pretty curly.”

“Maybe I will. Okay you can turn around.”

Alex spun around to see Maria in a huge t-shirt and baggy flannel pants. “Hey, we match.”

“College student uniform. Pajama pants and a t-shirt.” She pointed to the bed. “Get up there, we need to talk.”

“Snacks?”

Maria rolled her eyes. “Fine.” She grabbed a bag of caramel corn and a couple of sodas and put them on the bed. “There. Get up there.”

Laughing, Alex climbed up onto Maria’s bed and grabbed the big leopard pillow to hug. Maria settled herself against the rest of the pillows and cracked open the caramel corn. He stubbornly remained silent as she glared at him.

“Okay, Manes, talk.”

“No.”

“We’re not going through this again. Your sex life is not private in this friendship. Spill.”

“Strangely enough, I had hoped my sex life would be at least semi private once it actually happened.”

“Too bad. Talk.”

He sighed dramatically. “Okay, so, yah.” _Oh god this is embarrassing._ “Um, so.”

Maria rolled her eyes. “Alex, I swear to God. Did you give him a blow job or not?”

He burst out in nervous laughter. “Yes.” This was followed by hiding his face in the pillow.

“Did he reciprocate?”

“He went first.”

“I see. Get the pillow off your face, I want details and I can’t hear you.”

“You’ve given head before, what kind of details do you want?”

She rolled her eyes again. “Okay, maybe we should do more yes/no questions.”

“Fine.”

“Did he swallow?”

“Yes.”

“I did not anticipate that.”

Alex frowned. “Why not?”

“I never thought about a man who was bi actually swallowing.”

“Only gays and women?”

“I, personally, do not, I hate it.”

“That’s fair. But yes, he did.”

Maria raised an eyebrow. “Did you?”

“Yes. And no, I didn’t gag or throw up or anything horrible and embarrassing like that.”

“I also didn’t anticipate that.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, because it was your first time? Did he want you to do it, or--”

“No,” Alex interrupted. “He point blank told me I didn’t have to. I wanted to. And it was totally fine.”

“Huh.” She opened her soda. “Okay, hard questions now.”

“Those weren’t hard enough?”

Maria shook her head. “No, these are more sensitive.”

He sobered. “Oh, okay.”

“You’re saying it was fine, but did you actually _want_ to go down on him? Did he push your head down, or choke you, or basically disrespect and borderline hurt you?”

Horrified, Alex leaned forward to put both of his hands on Maria’s knees. “No, oh my god, no, nothing like that.”

“Because those things are not okay.”

“Maria, no, of course not. Michael could never hurt me.” He shook his head. “No, when he asked to go down on me, I told him he couldn’t talk me out of returning the favor. He did pull my hair, but I told him he could, and I actually enjoyed that? He didn’t like, fuck my mouth, or anything.” _Not that that is off the table, though, I kinda want him to._ “Michael takes consent really seriously, Maria, he would never do something without asking me. And,” he continued, “Just because I haven’t had a relationship before, that doesn’t mean I don’t know what sex _should_ be like, I’ve read a lot, and watched plenty of porn.”

“Porn is not what real life is like.”

“I know, I didn’t say I wanted to emulate that. What I’m saying is that I know what you’re talking about and already know it’s not okay for me. You and Liz have also given me _plenty_ of background on the topic, you know, as weird as it was to hear about Liz having sex with Kyle.”

“So you genuinely, really, truly did not mind performing oral sex on Michael?”

“It’s so sweet that you’re so worried.” Alex leaned back a little. “It’s better than ‘did not mind,’ it was a turn on. By the time I was done, with him pulling my hair and moaning, I wanted to get off again.” He tried to act casual for a person whose face was on fire.

“You _like_ the hair pulling?”

He nodded. “Gives me goosebumps.”

“I did _not_ anticipate that you would like pain.”

“I didn’t either, but I really love it when he bites my neck.”

“I haven’t seen any hickeys yet.”

“That’s because he’s not biting hard enough,” Alex joked. “No, I’ve had a couple on my chest. Keep in mind it’s only been a week.”

“You’ve been married since the beginning of school.”

“Well, that’s true.” Alex reached for the caramel corn and was denied. “Hey, I asked for the snacks.”

“Fine.” Maria let him get a handful and snatched the bag back. “This is the best caramel corn.”

“It’s addictive,” Alex agreed. “I don’t even eat junk food.”

“I really should stop if i want to stay skinny for dance.”

“Probably.” He ate some more popcorn. “How are your dance classes going?”

Maria sighed. “Nothing is the same now that Dr. Guthrie is on suspension. She was the personality of the freshman program and we all miss her.”

“Did Andre drop out?”

She nodded. “Yah. He was so embarrassed. He didn’t even come to class, he just withdrew and went home. I don’t know if he like, really liked her romantically, or if it was just the excitement of an older woman wanting him. And I’m pretty sure she wasn’t like romantically into him, he’s only 18, but he’s fucking hot. I think it was all sex on her part. It was wrong for her to do that to him regardless of her reasons. He’s a kid. And now his career might be over before it got started.”

“That’s so fucking wrong.” 

“I feel bad for him.”

“Me too, and I never even met him.” Alex picked up his phone when it chimed. “It’s Liz.”

_Liz: PE guy did NOT work out_

_ Liz: What a creep _

_ Alex: Omg what happened_

“Maria get your phone, Liz is having a guy problem.”

“Oh shit.” She quickly climbed off the bed to get it off her desk. “PE guy turned out to be a creep!”

“I know!” He waited for Maria to climb back onto the bed. “It’s your lucky day, you got sex details out of me and Liz has dirt about a guy.”

_Maria: What happened?_

_ Liz: He has a whole blog for posting pics of girls that he took when they didn’t know!_

_ Liz: He had a picture of my ass in my tennis skirt! I don’t know when he took it!_

_ Maria: What the fuck?!_

_ Alex: WHAT THE FUCK_

_ Liz: I KNOW_

_ Liz: I told all the girls from tennis about it and we’re trying to get him kicked out._

_ Liz: He had pics of all of us._

“Oh fuck, this guy is gross.” Alex was disgusted. 

“Upskirt shots from PE? Yah, that’s low. What a scumbag.” 

_Maria: This guy is TRASH._

_ Liz: BASURA_

_ Alex: GARBAGE_

_ Alex: Kyle is a jerk but not a gross creep like that_

_ Liz: Kyle is an asshole but not a perv, agreed._

_ Maria: This guy sucks if we like Kyle better._

_ Liz: Agreed! He was hotter than Kyle too. _

“I actually think Kyle is pretty cute,” Alex admitted. “I like, never was into him, but like, objectively, he’s really cute.” 

“Okay, yah, I have to agree. He’s pretty hot.”

_Alex: We agree that Kyle is pretty hot_

_ Alex: So this guy had to be really hot_

_ Liz: He was really hot! But a total sack of shit._

_ Maria: Absolutely a waste of DNA._

_ Liz: Right? He could have been a banana and saved us all the trouble._

Alex and Maria both cracked up at that. If Liz was anything, it was resilient. 

_Alex: Youll find a new guy no prob_

_ Alex: Youre pretty and funny and scary smart_

_ Liz: Scary smart isn’t a glowing recommendation._

_ Maria: Alex’s boyfriend is scary smart. He likes that._

_ Liz: OMG YOU FINALLY ASKED HIM OUT_

_ Liz: Of course he said yes, there was no way he’d say no._

_ Alex: It was really complicated_

_ Alex: I thought I was going to die_

_ Alex: But were together now and omg I love him_

_ Maria: He loves Alex, don’t worry, they’re totally gross._

_ Liz: OH GOOD_

_ Alex: He loves me_

_ Alex: I know it 100%_

_ Liz: Have you told him?_

_ Alex: I think were both waiting for the right moment lol_

_ Maria: They’re ridiculous._

_ Liz: Okay Alex has a man now we need them._

_ Liz: Maybe not a guy from PE._

_ Maria: Creeps are in every class._

_ Alex: True_

_ Alex: Did I tell you guys a girl asked if I was dating Michael_

_ Alex: She wanted to ask me out_

_ Alex: Ive never had a girl like me_

_ Liz: How did she ask?_

“Um, no, you didn’t tell me that.”

_Alex: She passed me a note in music_

_ Alex: And asked if we were dating_

_ Alex: She thought I was cute _

_ Maria: Aw!_

_ Liz: You ARE cute!_

_ Alex: I know lol_

_ Alex: I’m not self conscious about my face_

_ Alex: Or the rest of me_

“You got naked in like five seconds.”

“He’d already seen me in a towel.”

“Just a towel?”

“Yep. I was crying and snotting all over him.”

“Gross, Alex.”

“I know.”

_Liz: You’ve gotten naked with him?_

_ Liz: DAMN BOY_

_ Alex: More than naked_

_ Alex: But no sex yet_

_ Maria: IT’S BEEN A WEEK!_

_ Liz: Only a week? No sex for you!_

_ Alex: Okay moms_

_ Alex: We do sleep together every night_

_ Alex: And shower together_

_ Alex: Dont tell our suitemates_

_ Liz: Don’t have sex in the shower._

_ Maria: Would it be possible to have sex in our showers?_

_ Alex: Yes if your creative _

_ Alex: And understand physics_

_ Maria: *You’re_

_ Liz: *You’re_

_ Alex: Fuck you both_

“You could _try_ to use the right ‘your’ in a sentence.”

“If I’m writing a paper I pay attention. If I’m texting I don’t give any fucks.”

“Clearly.”

_Liz: I’m going to go take a shower, I’m grossed out._

_ Liz: I feel slimy._

_ Alex: I so get that_

_ Alex: Shower text us later_

_ Maria: 😘_

“Poor Liz, this guy is scum of the earth.”

Maria nodded. “I completely agree.”

Alex looked at his phone when it chimed again. “Oh, it’s my sweetheart.” He said it deliberately to get a reaction out of Maria. 

“I can’t decide if that’s cute or disgusting.”

“Can’t it be both? Both is good.”

Maria laughed. “What does your sweetheart have to say?”

_Michael: Hi baby, do you want to come over to Frontier for enchiladas?_

_ Michael: The Tweedles left already, it’s just me and Jaime._

_ Alex: Im already running there _

_ Michael: Haha!_

_ Alex: Can Maria come_

_ Alex: Im right here with her it would be rude_

_ Michael: Or course. If she doesn’t ask about our sex life._

“Michael is inviting us to walk over to Frontier to eat with him and Jaime. You can go if you don’t ask him about his sexual prowess.”

“Ugh, fine, the things I do for this friendship.” She sat up from her pillow-supported lounging. “Go put on clothes, I’ll meet you downstairs once I’m decent.”

“Your hair, Maria, it’s still in the towel.” He laughed when she comically felt the towel turban on her head. “Not the best look.”

“Yah, I can’t deal with this in time to make it for dinner.”

“I can bring you something back, though, what do you want?”

Maria brightened and clapped her hands. “You’re the best friend ever, three carne asada tacos and beans.”

“Got it.” Alex climbed off the bed. “I’ll bring you some chips and salsa too.”

“If you weren’t gay, I’d marry you.”

Alex cracked up. “Instead of a ring, I’ll get down on one knee and offer you Mexican food.”

“I’d elope with you to Vegas as soon as I finished eating.” 

“A match made in heaven,” Alex laughed. “Okay, I’ll be back.”

Alex dressed quickly and headed for Frontier, already tasting the enchiladas he was going to inhale. _No, I’ll eat slowly and savor them._ He was a little nervous when he walked into the restaurant; he wanted to kiss Michael hello but was iffy about doing it in the busy dining room with a mixed crowd. It wasn’t _that_ busy, and he decided a kiss on the cheek would be okay. 

“Hi sweetheart,” he greeted, and pressed his lips against Michael’s rough cheek. He really needed to shave, but the stubble kinda really looked good on him. “Hey Jaime.”

Michael had never been so delighted to be kissed on the cheek. _A restaurant is a little different than campus. I’m so lucky. _ “Hi baby.”

“You guys are too cute.” Jaime gave them an indulgent smile. “Sophia would be cooing and gushing over you in Spanish by now.”

They both laughed. “We’re in the honeymoon period,” Michael laughed. “We can’t stop touching each other.”

“Just keep it PG for the sake of all these innocent people.”

Alex laughed. “Yah, no worries there. I don’t want to get banned or something.”

“If it came down to me or enchiladas, I don’t think I’d win.”

“Nope.”

Jaime laughed. “If it came down to me or lipstick, I’d lose every time.”

“Sophia does gorgeous make up,” Alex commented. “And she has perfect lips. You’d lose.”

“She’s beautiful,” Jaime agreed. “I’ve never been so into a girl before. And she’s smart, too, and doesn’t pretend to be less ambitious than she really is. I joke about lipstick, but if it was me or college, I’d lose.”

Alex and Michael looked at each other. “I hope I don’t have to make that choice.” Michael reached across the table to take Alex’s hand. “I’m pretty sure Alex would win.”

Eyes wide, Alex nodded. “Yah,” he whispered. “You’d win.”

“O Dios mio, drama queens, eat some damned salsa.” Jaime pushed the bowl toward Alex. “Don’t give up your education and run off into the sunset.”

That shook them both out of their weird panic over the idea of losing each other. “Okay, yah, reality check,” Alex laughed. “You’d still win.”

Michael grinned and tried to shake off the weird vibe. “You would too. But it would have to be fucking dire circumstances for us to run away.” _Like, you know, the government being after me because I’m an alien._ That was the only way he could see that they’d _have_ to run, basically choosing each other over school. He met Alex’s eyes, and knew that he was thinking the same thing. He squeezed his hand, and got one back, before he let go and forced himself to get a chip. 

Dinner was normal after their brief shared panic attack, and they said goodnight to Jaime with Maria’s tacos and a strong need to touch each other. Alex basically grabbed Michael’s hand, and as soon as they were back on campus, Michael put his arm around Alex’s shoulders and felt Alex’s arm around his waist. Neither one of them wanted to talk about it outside, that was an unspoken understanding. It was getting uncomfortably chilly when they got to Laguna hall and they were both happy to get inside. 

“Come up to Maria’s room with me?” Alex asked softly. The weirdness was starting to creep back in.

Michael nodded. “Yah. Let’s not stay long, though.”

“No, I just want to be in bed with you. Elevator?”

“Sure.”

They were alone on the ride up to the fourth floor, and spent the entire time holding onto each other. “I don’t know why I’m so freaked out,” Alex whispered.

“Me either.” 

The door to 404 was closed _and_ locked for once, and they waited for Maria to answer the door. Alex held out the to-go package. “We come bearing tacos, but really just want to go be disgusting with each other, can we not stay?” 

Maria burst out laughing at the same time Michael did, making Alex smile. He’d planned for maximum humor and it had worked. 

“Yes, fine, go be gross,” Maria laughed. “Heaven forbid you not be in physical contact with each other for more than an hour.”

“It’s been since like 3:00, thank you very much,” Alex quipped. “It’s not like we were making out at Frontier.”

“Yah, Alex doesn’t want to be banned for life. We established that in a fight between me and enchiladas, I’d lose.”

“You’re completely correct, Guerin, nothing will ever replace enchiladas in Alex’s life, heart, or soul.”

“Nothing.” He accepted a thank-you hug from Maria. “See you tomorrow.”

They quickly trotted down the stairs to the second floor, Michael unlocking the door and ushering Alex in first. He put his backpack down and started on his jacket, and saw that Alex was changing into pajamas. “Good idea, I’ll put on your pants.”

Alex laughed at that, still feeling weird, but happier now that they were alone together and the door was locked. As soon as Michael was dressed, they climbed up to Alex’s bed, cuddling under the covers even though it was way too early to think about sleep. Alex essentially wrapped himself around Michael, holding him as close as he could, and felt Michael squeezing him just as tight.

“You’d win, you’ll always win,” he whispered. “I hope we never have to run.”

Michael nodded. “You’ll always win.” He kissed Alex’s hair. “No matter what, we’re in this together.”

“We were thinking the same thing at the restaurant, I know it.”

“Yah.” He squeezed his eyes closed, fighting tears. “I’ll be okay if you’re with me.”

“I don’t know why one random comment freaked us both out so much.” Alex relaxed his death grip on Michael’s body, and felt the other boy’s arms loosen a little. “And it sounds really stupid, on the surface, to say I’d give up school for a guy I’ve been dating a week.” When he felt Michael tense, he clarified, “I totally would, I’d give up everything for you, Michael. But it sounds really, really idiotic.”

Michael forced himself to relax a little. “It does sound stupid, something a freshman with his first boyfriend would say.”

“Hey!”

He kissed Alex’s outraged expression off of his face. “No, it does sound stupid, but I would absolutely, 100% give up everything for you.” He moved a little so that he could look into Alex’s eyes. “My heart awakened the day you were born. I came from the cosmos to be with you. This isn’t just a freshman romance and we both know it.”

Alex touched Michael’s cheek softly, and brushed his curls away from his eyes. “I’d like to call us star-crossed lovers but that’s usually a bad thing.”

“Yah, _Romeo and Juliet_ is the definition of bad choices because of love.” 

“I know, right?” Alex laughed a little when Michael did, then pulled him in for a kiss. “Can we agree that we’re not going to ditch school unless the government truly is after you for being an alien? Because I really do want to get an education.”

“I completely agree with that, no ditching school unless it’s life and/or death and/or worse.”

Michael settled back down against the pillows, happy when Alex was situated with his head on his chest. They just breathed for a while, quiet, letting the fact that they were _not_ in any danger soak into them. _The fear will always be in the back of my mind,_ Michael thought to himself. _And now I know it’s the same for Alex. We’ll never really be free of it, we just have to learn to live with it._

“Hey, stop thinking,” Alex demanded.

“What?”

“You got all tense again.” He pulled himself up on his elbows so that he could look at Michael. “We’ll be okay. We’re safe here. Your secrets are safe with me, you know that. No one is after us, not even my asshole father. We’re not going to have to choose a life on the run unless something really catastrophic happens, and we’ll _know_ it’s happening. We are so completely anonymous here, Michael, that we’re less likely to be noticed now than any other time in our lives.” He smiled, hoping it was reassuring. “By the time we graduate, we’re going to have lives that are so normal that no one will ever think anything of us. And if _anyone_ is going to know something is going wrong, it’s going to be the person that’s basically going to school to be a hacker.”

Michael shook his head, amazed at how Alex could make him feel better. “Can you really be a hacker with this degree?”

“If I want to be. Just like with web design, all the resources are out there if you have the knowledge. If I want to go down the path of doing intelligence for the military, I have options.”

“You really like that idea, your eyes light up when you talk about it.”

Alex grinned. “Hacking for the government sounds fun. I don’t know how much of that I’d be doing if I was just a civilian consultant, but I could be writing code for counter intelligence. And I’d have resources to keep track of what’s going on out in the world.”

“I need to get better with computers.”

“I’ll teach you anything you want to know.”

He just looked into Alex’s eyes for a minute. “We’re going to be okay.”

“We’re going to be okay. Better than okay, sweetheart, we’re going to be great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew...the next chapter is going to be fairly short, as it was supposed to be the in this chapter but it exploded. What did you guys think of the first episode of S2? No spoilers in the comments just in case people haven't watched it yet, but OMG THE ANGST. I can't wait for next week.


	18. Sweet Disposition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I'm off work because teachers aren't going back until 4/30 and we haven't done ANYTHING because the school districts are like OMG WHAT DO so I've had A TON of time to write! Here's another chapter!

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49699783782/in/dateposted-public/)

“Are you telling me I have an excuse to buy more makeup?”

Maria burst out laughing. “Yes, we should absolutely go get more makeup.”

Michael was sitting down at the dinner table during this exchange. “Why do you need more make up?”

Alex beamed at his boyfriend. “Maria says we’re invited to a huge Halloween house party this weekend.”

“We are?”

“You are!” Maria stirred her pasta. “$10 at the door, all you can drink, costume optional.”

“That has ‘bad idea’ written all over it.” 

Alex gave Michael a look. “Hot tub sex last Halloween was a good idea?”

“Hey,” Michael started, laughing, “I didn’t say it was a _good_ idea--”

“Guerin, you had sex _in a hot tub_ last Halloween?”

“_Drunk_ hot tub sex,” Alex corrected while Michael sputtered. “And _how_ many times did you say you got laid at that party?”

Michael was laughing too hard to really defend himself but was still vaguely outraged that Alex was airing his dirty laundry. “I refuse to answer that question!”

“Three,” Alex answered for him. “He had sex with three _different_ girls at that party.” 

“_Damn_ Guerin!” Maria crowed. “Bravo, you know how it’s _done!_”

Michael cradled his head in his hands. “This is the closest I’ve ever been to embarrassed.” 

“So Maria says we’re invited to a party this weekend,” Alex reiterated, “And it gives me a great excuse to buy more make up so I can really go all out.”

“Are you going to do a costume or just make up? I think I can throw together a sexy kitten costume in like five minutes.”

“I don’t know, I think just make up. Be extra emo,” Alex joked.

“I like how you’re making plans and ignoring me.”

“Oh, are you done being embarrassed, dear?” Alex teased. 

“Yah, fleeting feelings of embarrassment don’t really last long for me.” He looked into Alex’s sparkling eyes and knew he didn’t have a hope in hell of saying no. “You really want to go to this party.”

“I do,” Alex confirmed. “The dance was great, or well, sorta, but--” he waited for Michael and Maria to laugh, “-- an actual party sounds fun.”

“More underage drinking.” Michael shook his head in mock disappointment. “I’m in. But I don’t think I’ll do make up.”

“Costume?”

He shook his head again. “No, not unless you have a sexy kitten costume for me, too, DeLuca.”

“I think I have two pairs of cat ears, actually.”

“I’m doomed.”

“Zoey has fairy wings.”

Michael laughed again. “Oh fuck, can you see _me_ with fairy wings?”

Alex leaned back so that he could examine Michael from multiple angles. “Nope. I think it’s the high concentration of flannel in your wardrobe.”

“That’s probably part of it.” Michael munched happily on garlic bread. “How close is the party? Walking or driving distance?”

“It’s too far to walk, so rides have to happen.”

Michael nodded. “I’ll drive if we set a time we’re leaving so I can be sober enough to get us home.”

“That’s a good idea,” Alex agreed. “Do you think when we’ve been married 20 years I’ll be allowed to drive your truck?”

“Check back at 30.” 

“Alex is actually a good driver.” Maria gestured with her fork. “He’s been driving since he was like 13.”

“Yah, no crash course in driving my baby when we’re all inebriated. I’ll be the designated driver.”

“You’re going to _die_ when you see Alex drunk, Guerin.”

“Oh really?” Michael grinned. “Do I want spoilers?”

“Actually, you know what?” Maria laughed. “No, you don’t want spoilers. You want to experience drunk Alex without any preconceived notions.”

Alex sighed. “Drunk me can be an experience.” At Michael’s look, he clarified, “I’m not going to get wasted, sweetheart, don’t worry.”

“If you say so.”

“No really,” Alex reassured him, setting his drink down to look at Michael, “I don’t get really drunk unless I’m with people I actually know.”

“He’s pretty responsible Guerin, I’m the delinquent.”

“I can tell.”

“I have never had drunk sex in a hot tub, so who’s more of a delinquent?”

“Okay, I didn’t actually have sex in the hot tub,” he defended. “I’m not shy but I wasn’t going to get it on with a _bunch of other people_ in the hot tub.”

Maria and Alex both laughed at that. “Good to know you found some privacy.”

“No, Maria, under a blanket on the lawn chair doesn’t count as privacy.”

“Alex, I told you that in the _strictest_ confidence--” Michael’s attempt at righteous fury was thwarted by how hard he was laughing. “I thought I could _trust_ you!”

Maria was wiping tears off her face as she laughed. “Classy, Guerin.”

“Someday, someone will ask me about the thrilling new emotions I felt when I started dating Alex, and I’ll be able to add ‘mortified yet proud’ to the list.”

“‘Mortified yet proud’ is probably the closest you’ll ever come to actual embarrassment.”

“Probably.” He accepted a sweet kiss on the cheek from Alex. “Aw, an apology.”

“Maybe you’re just cute when you’re blushing.”

“Gross.” Maria stood up. “I’m going to get more garlic bread.”

“Get us some,” Alex begged, face radiantly innocent all of a sudden. “You’d be the best friend ever!”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

As she walked away, Alex sobered. “I didn’t really upset you, did I?” It had seemed like Michael was laughing along, but what if…

“No, baby, you’re fine,” Michael answered. 

“I didn’t think you were upset, but sometimes I let a joke go far.”

He shook his head. “No, I know if I’d actually been upset you would have stopped, you know what it looks like when I’m upset.”

Alex nodded. “Good.” He thought about it for a minute. “Okay, picking on each other is kinda how we roll, but can you let me know when you tell me a story if it’s _not_ okay for me to share?”

“That’s...probably a good idea. Yah. Like, obviously, the drunk hot tub sex story is too funny to keep just between us, but yah, I’ll make sure you know if I don’t want you to share something.”

“Thanks. I’ll tell you, too, if there’s something I don’t want to become a funny story.” He looked into Michael’s eyes, seeing all of the love there. “I don’t ever want us to get in a fight because I thought a story was funny and public appropriate and you didn’t. You _say_ you don’t get embarrassed, but I don’t want to test that theory.”

Michael laughed softly. “And I don’t want to hurt your feelings, or embarrass you.” He took Alex’s hand and squeezed his fingers. “Now you have garlic butter on both hands.”

“Damn it!”

“Damn it what?”

“Michael got butter on my non-garlicky hand.”

“Oh boy, what a crime. Eat more garlic bread, that will solve the problem.”

“The dining hall does have legit garlic bread,” Michael commented. “Didn’t we establish that one of the reasons it would be okay to kill someone was taking the last piece of garlic bread?”

“That was discussed, yah, I think it was up in the air on actual murder, though.”

“You guys have the dumbest conversations.”

“That’s not dumb,” Michael argued, “That’s important.”

“Acceptable reasons for killing someone is an important topic. If the world goes to shit, and all we have to rely on is our moral compass, we need to be sure we’re compatible.”

Maria and Michael were both laughing at Alex’s ridiculous explanation as he calmly ate garlic bread. “That is some prime, grade A bullshit, Alex Manes.”

“Thank you, I try.” He gave Maria a little half bow. 

“Do you guys want to hang out after dinner?”

Michael shook his head. “Too much homework.”

Alex agreed. “I think I have something due in every class.”

“Mid-terms.” Maria sighed. “My ulterior motive with hanging out was to not do my homework.”

“Too bad.”

Back in 214, Alex looked at his desk and sighed. “At least we finished our music appreciation papers, so those aren’t looming. Maria and I already turned in our history project, I just have my normal weekly assignment for CS, but I swear my algebra professor decided we needed extra work. And don’t make me think about English.”

Michael groaned. “I had no idea writing poetry was so difficult.”

“And analyzing poetry is pure bullshit.” Alex moved close to Michael and put his head on his shoulder. “Wanna finish the algebra assignment first?”

Sliding his arms around Alex, Michael kissed the side of his head. “Let’s spread the futon out to work and lean up against the pillows.”

Alex kissed the side of his neck. “Great idea.” He lifted his head to press a soft kiss to Michael’s lips. “You’re a genius.”

They took turns washing their garlicky hands first, then arranged the futon, pillows, and math supplies before sinking down to the floor. “I’m glad we started this before dinner.”

Michael had to agree. “I need to practice for my piano exam, but I just don’t have the energy to walk to the music building.”

“I need to practice too.” Alex sighed. “I was wondering when college would get hard.”

“Me too. It’s not the material,” Michael commented, “It’s the time management.”

“Luckily the algebra midterm is next week, then that will be done. And the poetry analysis is due next week, so that will be done.”

“Yah but I have physics, piano, and music appreciation on Thursday.”

Alex leaned over and Michael met him halfway for a hug. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but you know you’re going to ace all of them.”

“I’m only nervous about the piano test, but like, a 3/10.”

“You’re _amazing_,” Alex argued. “Almost as good as me, and you’re halfway through ‘intro to using both hands’. You’re going to do fine.”

“Thanks, baby.” Alex had such a talent for making him feel better. “How are you feeling about computer science?”

“Fairly confident. I need to review my notes on Thursday night, and have to turn in my assignment by Sunday, but I’m basically done with it. I don’t know why we have to do an entire assignment of converting between numbering systems. It’s just busy work.”

“Maybe it’s harder for other people than you? It’s an intro class, they have to expect there are people with zero experience in there, too, not just genius sexy gay hackers.”

That cracked Alex up. “Thank you, dear, that makes me feel better. I’m a little more nervous about history because there’s just such a huge volume of information to remember. Dr. Masters gave us a study guide and I’ve been trying to go through it, but I don’t want to _not_ help Maria, so I don’t want to just finish it and throw it at her.”

“She’ll have to stop going out quite so often if she wants your help on the study guide,” Michael replied with a raised eyebrow. “Give her an ultimatum about finishing it Saturday or she’s on her own. The midterm is Tuesday, right?”

Alex nodded. “I’m going to have to. I love Maria, but she’s never been as focused on grades as I am, and would always rather do something fun than study.”

“I’d definitely rather do something fun than study, but I also want to graduate with a 4.0”

“I wonder how many honor societies our nerdy asses can get into?”

“That’s a good question. What’s the benefit other than bragging rights?”

“Does there need to be another benefit?”

Michael laughed, “No, I guess not.”

“It probably looks good if you want to apply to grad school.”

“That makes sense.”

They worked through the remainder of the algebra assignment. Alex’s professor had assigned more problems, but Michael’s professor wasn’t going to offer them a study guide for extra credit, so it almost evened out. Alex planned to work through it over the weekend, and Michael offered to help, partially because he loved his boyfriend, partially because he wanted him to finish more quickly so they could have fun, and partially because he was a nerd and loved math.

“Do you want to try to work on the poetry analysis?”

Alex groaned and looked at his phone. “Okay, fine. But only for an hour.” 

“It’s a deal. We stop at 9:00.”

“Maria probably ought to work on this with us this weekend, too. She started it but said she was stuck.”

“I’m also stuck, so I get that.”

Alex stood up and stretched before getting his computer and English stuff. “This comparative analysis is really hard. When she said she taught these poems to middle schoolers with more success than her freshman class, I decided I was getting an A or throwing myself off a cliff.”

“No cliff diving.” Michael stood up and stretched, too, then moved close to Alex to wrap his arms around him. “But no, I’m not going to let a middle schooler show me up on this assignment.” He leaned in and smacked a kiss on Alex’s lips. “One hour, then we can do something fun.”

“Maybe we can finish it, who knows.” Although they all had to write their own essays, the three amigos had been working together. “This essay only has to be 300 words, if we can just get the poems to make sense it will take like an hour to write.”

They settled back on the futon and Michael pulled out the workbook with the poems. “Maybe we’re trying too hard. Maybe we’re trying to read more into this than there really is. Maybe that’s why it was easier for middle schoolers, they take things at face value more easily.”

Alex thought about that. “I keep thinking there’s more to it because we studied Robert Frost in high school, but what if it’s the way the poems are the same or different that’s more important than the actual metacognitive interpretation of the poems?”

“The difference, really, is that in the Frost poem, he has a choice to make. In the modern poem, the author doesn’t feel like they have any choices, that the world chose for them.”

“Both choices are positive in _The Road Not Taken._ It’s 100% hopeful, and contemplative, and the author has unlimited time to just take a journey, even though they don’t know where it goes.”

“And in this one, they don’t. There are no good choices. Life’s not getting better, you just have to deal with it, and they learned early that there’s no happy ending.”

“The Frost is all about possibilities. This one is all being defeated before you get started.” 

“I think this is what she’s looking for.” Michael grinned. “Good job, baby.”

“I can’t believe how seriously we were overthinking it. Sometimes there doesn’t have to be an allegory or psychological breakdown, sometimes it’s just the differences between what the poems say in the words and the first layer of subtext.”

“I think if we talk about the visuals and emotional responses we’ll be golden.”

They both started making notes in the margins of the workbook. Alex finished first, and started on the essay; Michael was about five minutes behind him. He just watched Alex type for a minute. “You type so fucking fast.”

“83 words per minute.” 

“What the fuck? I type like 40 words per minute.”

“It’s because I use home row like you’re supposed to. Advanced hunt-and-peck is never as fast.” 

“I use home row, just sorta, don’t completely adhere to it.”

“After we finish our essays you should take a typing test, just to see how fast you are.”

“Do you really wanna try to finish our essays tonight? That would go over the hour time limit.”

Alex pondered that for a second. “No, it’s not due until next week and we should probably help Maria before we turn ours in.” Alex looked at his phone, it was 8:33. “I’m good with stopping now that we understand the assignment and have notes done, and finishing these tomorrow.”

“Good call. Let’s clean things up, unless you wanna hang out on the futon for a while.”

He slid his hands up Michael’s chest and over his shoulders to wrap his arms around his neck. “Well, the sheet is washable.”

Michael grinned. “So that’s the kinda fun you’re looking for?” He tugged Alex closer with hands on his hips. 

“Mhm.” Alex brushed his lips over Michael’s. “So much more room on the futon.” Michael was still in a pullover hoodie with his borrowed track pants, and Alex moved so that he could spread his hands over his warm back under the soft shirt. “You’re the perfect boyfriend for someone who gets cold all the time.”

Laughing softly, Michael slid his hands over Alex’s ass, pulling them tight together. “I guess that makes you the perfect boyfriend for me.”

“Well, duh.” Alex grinned when Michael laughed and kissed him. “You’re pretty much perfect for me, Michael.” He cupped his cheeks. “I’ll have to ask Mimi to say something about how I’m destined to be with you that sounds mystical and cosmic.”

He took Alex’s hands and kissed his fingers. “Well, if I was here first, and my heart awaked when you were born, does that mean you were born just so that you could be mine?”

“I’ll accept that my purpose on earth is to be yours, and take care of you.” He looked down for a second. “I always wondered why my mom kept having kids after she saw what Dad was going to be like. I couldn’t figure out why I even had to be born.”

Michael framed Alex’s face with his hands. “You were born because this world would be shit without you in it, Alex Manes. You were born because the universe knew that I’d need you. You were born because nothing would be okay if you weren’t here.”

“I was born to be with you,” Alex added, a little teary. “And to prove the point that I’m still a functional person even though I’m gay.”

“The good citizens of Roswell really fucked you over, baby.” He kissed Alex softly, first on the lips, and then on the tip of his nose. “When women get pregnant with boys, their bodies have to produce a hormone to let them carry a boy. You all start out female, after all.” He rubbed Alex’s arms and took his hands. “The more boys a woman carries, the less and less of that hormone she has. The statistics for gay youngest sons in large families are pretty amazing.” 

Alex just blinked at him for a minute. “Really?”

“Yah, I actually used both a longitudinal study _and_ a cross-sectional study to correlate that for a paper on human sexuality last year. I probably have the paper in my stuff somewhere.”

“I mean, I always assumed it was nature not nurture, but--” Alex didn’t know how to finish that sentence. 

Michael squeezed his hands, then pulled him into a tight hug. “You’re not a mistake, and god doesn’t hate you, you’re gay because you were supposed to be.” He rubbed Alex’s back, feeling him press his face against his neck. “Homosexuality occurs in hundreds of species. Humans are just one of them. And only humans are dicks about it.” 

He laughed a little at that, but didn’t pull away. Being pressed against Michael made things so much better. He had his fists clenched in his soft black sweatshirt, and was trying to stay calm. A few tears leaked out before he could pull himself together. “Well,” he said, pulling back just enough to look in Michael’s eyes, “If I was going to be born for you, then I’d have to be gay, wouldn’t I?”

“I feel like the only possible combination of factors that could lead us to be roommates at UNM in 2008 is for you to be you, Alex, and for me to be me. And I wouldn’t want you to be any different than you are now.” He brushed Alex’s hair back from his face, and wiped a stray tear away with his thumb. “If what I’ve gone through up ‘til this point is what made it possible for us to be together, then it was worth it.”

“Sweetheart,” Alex whispered, then pressed a kiss to Michael’s lips. “No one will hurt you again, Michael, not if I can help it.”

“Back atcha, babe.” He pulled Alex close and kissed him. “How did we go from about to have sex to almost crying? We’re really bad at being asshole dude bro freshmen.”

That made Alex laugh and he stepped back, but only far enough that he could wipe his eyes on his sleeve. “We’re so bad at being college students. It’s almost like we’ve spent our entire lives trying not to be stereotypes.”

“You think that’s it?” When Alex nodded, he shrugged. “Good enough explanation for me. Now,” he stepped into Alex’s personal space, “Do you want to snuggle for a while, or go to bed, or--” He let it trail off.

“Hm.” Alex pretended to consider. “I mean, on the one hand, we just had an emotional moment and snuggling would be very appropriate.” He could see Michael nodding with a smile. “On the other hand, there’s a great big mattress _right here_ and I’ve been on edge all day.” When Michael laughed he resumed the position of arms looped around his neck. “I feel like we can go back to about to have sex without missing a beat.”

“Are you sure?”

Alex answered by kissing him. Kissing him, and sliding his hands under this shirt to help him pull it over his head. Diving back into the kiss before the sweatshirt even hit the floor. Spearing his fingers through Michael’s curls to hold him still while he kissed the hell out of him. He pulled away to take his own shirt off. “I’m sure.”

“Fuck, Alex,” Michael breathed before reaching out to help his boyfriend out of his pants. “Fuck.”

“I said I was on edge, I meant it.” He pulled his track pants off of Michael’s body. “You’re wearing my underwear, too?”

“Yours are more comfortable.” He leaned in to kiss the smile off of Alex’s face. “But naked is even better.”

“Uh huh.” Alex made quick work of Michael’s boxers before pulling off his own and dropping down on the futon. “Come here.”

“You don’t have to ask twice.” Michael lowered himself to the mattress and loomed over Alex for a minute. “What do you want, baby?”

He tugged Michael down to cover him. “Kiss me and let’s see where it goes.” He had an idea about where he wanted things to go, but only if the mood was right. 

“I can do that,” Michael murmured, twining his fingers with Alex’s and stretching their arms above his head. “Wanna kiss you everywhere.” With that he lowered his head to kiss him again, full weight resting on Alex’s body. Slowly, he pulled his hands away so that he could touch his soft, smooth skin. Alex left his arms up, though, which he thought was interesting. And he took the hint when Alex tipped his head back on a breath that he wanted Michael’s lips on his neck. _I thought he’d be shy or awkward about asking for what he wanted, but no._ No, Alex was demanding and confident and it was sexy as hell. He mouthed kisses over his neck before nipping, drawing a gasp from the other boy. “Want me to bite your neck, baby?”

Now Alex did move, gently stroking his hand through Michael’s hair. “Yah,” he breathed out. “Try harder.”

“Okay, but tell me if it’s too much, okay?”

“I will.” He sighed into the sensation of Michael dragging his teeth down his neck. “I like that.”

“Good,” he murmured. Alex really did have a beautiful neck. Most of him was beautiful. He sucked lightly at the soft skin before teasing with the edges of his teeth. When Alex whined, he bit down, increasing the pressure until his fingers tightened in his hair, and goosebumps broke out over his body. “Like that, huh?”

“More, please,” he whispered, “That’s so good.” He breathed out a moan as Michael’s tongue soothed the bite before he kissed down his neck to bite him a little lower, closer to his ear, and that felt _amazing._ “Michael, oh fuck.” He had to let go of his hair, he was starting to pull it. “Sorry, sorry.”

“Shh, it’s okay.” _That gives me an idea, though._ Michael worked his right arm under Alex’s shoulder, and then next time he bit his neck, he tugged a little on his hair, and got a shout. 

“Oh fuck,” Alex whimpered. “Michael.” He was so hard it was getting uncomfortable. “Please.”

Michael kept kissing down his neck, biting hard a few times, before his lips moved down onto his chest. “I never thought I’d like lavender so much,” he chuckled. “You smell good.”

Alex laughed breathlessly and smoothed his fingers through Michael’s soft curls. “I love the way you smell, too.”

He chuckled as he dotted tiny kisses along Alex’s clavicle. “Maybe there’s something to human pheromones after all.” He licked over Alex’s nipple before sucking hard, then biting the sensitive nub. Alex’s strangled yell was gratifying, and let him know that he was still doing all the right things. He lifted his head to see that Alex was pinching the other one. “Hey, that’s my job.”

“Sorry, sorry, do continue.”

“Nope, you ruined it.”

He laughed at Michael’s teasing tone. The way he kept everything so playful really helped Alex not feel awkward or intimidated. “Then get back up here and kiss me.”

“Bossy.” Michael happily moved so that he could prop himself up on his elbows and look down into Alex’s smiling eyes. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

“Oh, thank you.” He was always startled when Michael told him things like that. “I would hope that if the universe was going to give you a boyfriend, he’d be cute.” His hands were on Michael’s back, not really doing anything, he just needed to be touching him. 

Michael laughed loudly. “I would hope so, too.” He lowered his head to kiss Alex’s smiling lips, swollen and pink. “My incredible talent for the obvious tells me you really like me biting the fuck out of you.”

“Mm, however could you tell?” Alex arched against Michael, just to emphasize the point. “I’m going to have the worst hickeys and I don’t even care.”

“At some point I’m sure you’ll return the favor. With less teeth.”

Alex groaned. “I really like the idea of marking you.”

“We’re possessive.” He punctuated that statement with a sharp nip to Alex’s ear, followed by running his tongue along the delicate shell, drawing a moan from the other boy. “Good thing we’re together.”

“Hmm, good thing.” He turned his head to chase Michael’s lips, and wrapped him tight in his arms to kiss him. “Hey, guess what?”

“What?” he asked with a smile, right against Alex’s smiling lips.

“We have enough room to roll over.” 

“We do,” Michael agreed. He slid his arms under Alex’s shoulders and they rolled to the side, ending up with Alex straddling him. “What a concept.”

Alex giggled a little before leaning down to kiss Michael’s smile. “I don’t think we’ve ever ended up in this position before.” Alex pulled himself up to look down at Michael. “You’re fucking gorgeous.”

“I was not prepared for how hot this would be,” Michael admitted. He ran his hands up Alex’s gorgeous thighs and over his hips. “Fuck.” 

“Oh, you like seeing me like this?” Alex teased, then pushed his hair off his forehead as provocatively as possible. 

“Not fair.”

“Oh, really?” He dropped down on his elbows. “Maybe I should kiss you to make up for it.”

Michael ran his palms over Alex’s back. “Maybe you should.” 

Alex happily obliged, and when he needed a breath, moved down to Michael’s neck. “I feel like you should know something.”

Michael could tell Alex was _not_ serious. “Oh, what’s that?” He loved it when Alex kissed his neck, so he hoped he wouldn’t have to remember what he said.

“You should know,” he began, pausing to suck just below Michael’s ear, “That you look sexy as hell when you don’t shave for a couple days.”

“Oh?” He tipped his head to the side, and moaned when Alex kissed the spot that made him go weak in the knees. 

“Mhm.” He’d noticed Michael’s reaction and sucked hard, drawing another sexy moan from his throat. “It’s a good look on you.” He continued to kiss his neck for a few moments before moving back to his lips. 

Happy to be kissed for a moment, Michael just let his hands roam over Alex’s body and thoughts roam over how they could take care of each other. And remembering how much Alex liked it, he rolled them so that he was on top again, pulling a breathless laugh from the other boy. “What do you want, baby?” 

Looked into Michael’s eyes for a moment, nervous. “I really want you to finger me. Like, really, like a lot.”

Michael felt his eyes widen. “You’re sure about that?”

“You know how it feels when you have an itch on your back that you can’t quite reach? It’s like that. If I was at home, I’d be taking a chance on my dad walking in.” Ever since he’d started thinking about it, he’d been craving it. “But you don’t have to.”

He smiled that slow smile that Alex thought was so sexy. “Just out of curiosity, if I said no, what would you do?”

“Make you watch me do it myself.”

Michael groaned, unbelievably turned on by the idea, the visuals, and the way Alex said it with so much sass. “Fuck.” He couldn’t do anything but kiss him at that point, deep and messy, until they were both moaning. “I’ll absolutely finger you, but just for the record, I want to watch you at some point.”

“Oh, you like that idea?”

Alex’s sassy smirk was almost too much. “Fuck, yes.” He dove in for another kiss. “Where’s the lube?” 

“Your desk.”

Michael looked over his shoulder and reached out a hand to bring it over and snatch it out of the air. He took a deep breath to calm down a little. “I’ll start slow, okay? If you want me to stop, tell me, no judgement.”

“I trust you, sweetheart. I’ll tell you.”

He moved a little so that he could reach. Seeing Alex stretched out on his back, legs spread, waiting for him was absolutely fucking crazy and Michael was pretty sure there was no one on _any_ planet that could turn him on like this boy. He opened the lube and poured some into his palm. As he was slicking his fingers, Alex lifted himself up on his elbows to watch. His facial expression had gone from sassy to soft. “I know I said it a minute ago, but you’re beautiful.”

“You make me feel beautiful.” 

“I know you said you did this before, but I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.” He smiled when Michael stretched out beside him, and leaned in for a kiss before settling back down on the futon. “Don’t worry, sweetheart.” Alex was a little surprised that he was reassuring _Michael_, but it just made him feel loved. _I love him with all my heart._

Still a little nervous, Michael started by stroking Alex’s cock with a slick hand, enjoying the resulting moan. He thought about all the things he liked when he was in Alex’s position. “If I do something you don’t like, you have to tell me.”

“You have to trust _me_, Michael. Trust is a two-way street. I promise, I’ll tell you.”

All he could do after that was kiss him.

Alex gasped softly at the first touch of Michael’s finger exactly where he wanted it, too turned on to be nervous. He circled around his entrance for a moment before dipping in just a little, and Alex groaned when he didn’t give him more. “Please,” he murmured, turning his head and smiling. “I’m okay.”

Michael decided that he really did have to trust him, and slowly pressed one finger into Alex’s body, watching his face. His mouth dropped open in a soundless ‘oh’ of pleasure. The first time he’d done this, his boyfriend had been so careful, and so gentle, that he wanted Alex to have the same experience. He just worked the one finger in and out for a little bit, kissing Alex softly and enjoying the quiet moans and gasps. He was about to ask if he liked it, but it was 100% obvious that Alex liked it, and wanted more by the way he was moving. “More?”

“Uh huh.” This felt good, but Michael wasn’t pushing in very far, and only using one finger. “Trust me?”

Their eyes met. “I trust you.” He pushed in deeper, moving more, before pulling his finger out to add more lube. Alex whined and he replied with a huffed laugh. “Okay, I should have known you’d be demanding.” He just rubbed his hole with two fingers for a second, watching Alex squirm. “You know I was scared as hell the first time I did this?”

It was Alex’s turn to laugh a little. “Not scared. Horny as hell.”

“You are seriously the horniest person I’ve ever met.”

Alex whined. “Stop teasing me.”

Michael smiled and kissed him, then pressed his fingers into Alex’s body as gently as he could.

Not that he needed to worry. 

A groan was dragged out of Alex’s chest at the stretch and fullness, and he arched into it, wanting Michael to go deeper. This was _exactly_ what he’d needed since Michael had brushed his fingers over him days ago. “God yes, more.” 

Michael was pretty sure he’d never had anyone in bed who liked to be fingered this much, and he couldn’t wait to hear the sounds he could wring out of him when they finally had sex. He continued to move his hand, scissoring his fingers a little to stretch him, and watching his face for any hint of discomfort. Alex was rocking his hips to try to pull his fingers deeper, and he obliged him, trusting that he really was okay to keep going. Watching Alex get off on his fingers inside him was arousing as fuck. “You want more, don’t you?”

Alex nodded, breathless. “I wanna come with your fingers in me.”

And that was enough to make Michael’s brain short circuit. “Fuck, Alex.” He watched as he wrapped his own hand around his cock and just stared for a second. _I had no idea I was a voyeur before this moment._ “Tell me if this hurts.” He pulled his fingers out, and pushed back in with three.

It burned, just a little, but that almost made it feel _better._ “Oh fuck,” he gasped out. “God that feels good.” Alex was panting now. “Faster?”

_Horniest person I have ever met._ Michael fucked him faster, watching his hand speed up on his cock. “Are you close, baby?”

Alex couldn’t answer. He felt Michael’s lips and teeth on his neck and tipped his head to the side, wordlessly asking for more. When Michael bit down and sucked hard, he came with a silent scream, absolutely overwhelmed with how good it felt. 

Watching Alex come while he was grinding down on his hand and stroking himself was probably the hottest thing Michael had ever experienced that didn’t include his own orgasm. He kissed his neck again, smiling against the damp skin, happy beyond belief. “I guess I can trust you, huh?”

That startled a breathless laugh out of Alex, and he turned his head for a kiss. “Come here.” He wrapped his arms around Michael. “Kiss me?”

That was a no-brainer. It went on for a while as Alex’s breathing returned to normal, a sated smile on his face. He watched Alex stretch his arms over his head, then prop himself up on his elbows. “Your turn, sweetheart, want do you want?”

“Fuck, will you go down on me?” He turned over onto his back when Alex pushed on his shoulders. “Don’t take your time, I’m like five seconds from coming.”

He laughed. “Understood.” He kissed Michael once, hard, on the mouth then wiggled down to be at eye level with his cock. “Not taking my time.” He licked once over the head, tongue dipping into the slit, then swallowed him down.

Michael bit his hand to keep from shouting, but was only partially successful. Suddenly being engulfed by the hot, wet, suction of Alex’s mouth was almost more than his overheated body could handle. “Fuck Alex,” he gasped out, fingers tangling in his hair. “Oh fuck.”

Alex couldn’t smile, but would have if he hadn’t had a mouthful. He concentrated on taking Michael as deep as he could, and loving the way he _couldn’t_ hold his hips still. He was getting good at using his hand to compensate for what he couldn’t take in, and it was less than a minute before he felt and tasted Michael come, and he waited until he let go of his hair to pull off. 

“Fuck baby.” It was Michael’s turn to pant. “Get up here.”

Laughing, Alex crawled up to lay on top of him, kissing him as soon as he was close enough. “Good?”

“Good,” Michael laughed. “We’ve been having sex for like two weeks and you’re already killing me with your skills.”

“Maybe it’s an innate talent,” Alex joked. “Or maybe I learn by _very_ good examples.”

“Maybe.” He pulled Alex down for another kiss, then searched his face. “I’m sorry I’m having a hard time not choking you, it’s been a while and my hips don’t want to stay planted on the bed.”

“No worries.” Alex gave him another kiss. “You haven’t come close to choking me, and I kinda like it.”

“You like me doing that?”

“Basically fucking my mouth?”

Michael winced. “That sounds horrible.”

“No, that sounds erotic.” Alex was sure his face was bright red. “It sounds fucking hot.”

“You...want me to fuck your mouth?”

Alex nodded, semi embarrassed. “You don’t have to though.”

Did he want to? He had a mental picture of holding Alex in place by his hair and thrusting into his mouth. “Fuck.” 

Alex cracked up and leaned down to kiss him. “Yah.”

“You are not only the horniest person I’ve ever met, you’re the kinkiest person I’ve ever dated.”

“You have no idea what I’ve read online. I’m pretty vanilla.”

“Filthiest mind on the planet.”

“Oh yah.” He leaned down and kissed Michael again. “Wanna take a shower, sweetheart?”

It was Michael’s turn to stretch and wrap his heavy arms around his boyfriend. “Yah, definitely. But kiss me again first.”

“If I have to.”

They kissed for long minutes, love and affection wrapping around them. Alex pulled way first. “Do you believe in soulmates?”

Michael smiled. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I believe in souls.” 

“Well,” Alex continued, “If soulmates exist, I’m pretty sure you’re mine.”

Overwhelmed by the love in Alex’s eyes and the sentiment of his words, he pulled him down for another kiss. “‘Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.’”

_“Wuthering Heights?”_ When Michael nodded, Alex smiled. “I think that’s accurate.”

Michael brushed his fingers over Alex’s smiling lips. “We are so gross.”

Alex burst out laughing. “Utterly disgusting. In more ways than one. Shower.”

They could hear Dean and Seamus talking in their room, so showered quickly and quietly. Alex was sure they knew by now that they were showering together most of the time, but they were still quiet when they were in the bathroom so things didn’t get weird. 

“Will you comb my hair for me, baby?”

“I’m always happy to comb your hair, of course.”

Working through Michael’s curls with the conditioner and wooden comb was such a bonding activity for them that Alex looked forward to it whenever they had time. “Your hair is getting really long,” he commented, stretching a curl straight to touch his back. “It’s really pretty.”

“Think I need a haircut?”

Alex shrugged. “If you want. I’m not going to tell you how to wear your hair, sweetheart. I want you to feel good.”

“I say it all the time, but you are the sweetest thing, Alex Manes.” He smiled when he felt Alex kiss the side of his neck. “I do think it might be getting a little too long, it’s really tangled at the ends every day.”

“It is tangly. The hair is damaged, you have split ends in the sun-bleached parts.” He continued sliding the comb through Michael’s hair. “As long as you don’t like, shave your head, I’m fine with what you do with your own hair.”

Michael tipped his head back against Alex’s chest. “I will _never_ shave my head.”

Alex gave him an upside down kiss. “Me either.” He ran his fingers through the soft, loose curls. “I’m going to let mine grow for a while. Just to see what it looks like. Then I’ll probably get it cut in some trendy emo style.”

“It’s pretty just long and soft like you’re wearing it right now. I like running my fingers through it.”

“I like that, too.” He traced his fingers over Michael’s face, his broad forehead, his nose that was copied from the statue of a Greek god, his full lips, his extremely stubborn chin. “I’m so happy with you.”

“I’ve never been happy like this before.” 

He just smiled at him for a moment, upside down, so in love it almost hurt. “Let’s get in bed, sweetheart. I know it’s early but I just want to wrap my arms around you.”

“No arguments here.”

They settled into Alex’s bed, Alex with his head on Michael’s chest, Michael with his arms around him, and one hand in his hair. Michael wasn’t wearing a shirt, and Alex kissed his chest. 

“Know what’s great?” Michael hummed in response. “As awesome as this is now, it’s only going to get better. No matter how hard school is, no matter what kind of shit my family pulls, no matter what kind of drama our friends have, we’ll be _together._ We’ll never have to do something hard alone again.”

Michael was stunned for a minute. “Baby.” His breathing stuttered as he started to cry. “Alex.”

Alex moved faster than he thought was possible to pull Michael into his arms, letting him cuddle against his chest. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“No,” Michael denied, “No, it’s just--” He tried to control himself. “You’re right, I’m not alone anymore, you’ll be with me no matter how hard things get, you’ll even _protect_ me--” The overwhelming sense of _relief_ that he hadn’t even known he could feel, and the unimaginable _gratitude_ he had for Alex reduced him to tears. He just held onto his boyfriend, who he loved more than life itself, and sobbed. All the while he could feel Alex slowly running his fingers through his hair or rubbing his back, whispering soothing things. He could truly, deeply _trust_ Alex, with _everything_, because they were completely equal, Alex saw them as completely equal, even though he was an _alien._ “You’ll never leave me alone.”

“Never. If your people came to Earth to take you home tomorrow, I’d go with you.”

“Alex,” Michael choked out. “I’d want you with me. Nothing would be okay without you. If they said you couldn’t go, I’d stay on Earth.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “I’ve always wanted a home, and I’ve never had one, and never belonged here, and I used to dream that they’d come back for me. But now, you’re my home. I don’t want to go anywhere without you.” 

“You won’t have to.” _As much as Michael can make me feel better, I must make him feel better, too._ “I’m never going to stop needing you, I’ll never be able to let you go. There’s a cosmic connection between us and I never want to think about breaking it. I’m yours forever, Michael Guerin.”

“I’m yours too. Forever.” Alex’s love was like a balm to the wounds he’d been carrying around, half-healed, for so long. He slowly calmed down, until the tears stopped and his nose felt like a rock. “I’m sorry, I think I got snot on your shirt.”

Alex laughed. “How many times have I cried and snotted all over you? It’s no big deal.” He ran his fingernails up and down Michael’s back, scratching lightly, and smiling when he curled closer. “Want a Kleenex?”

“Yah, I really need to blow my nose.”

“The aftermath of emotions is never sexy.” He smiled when Michael hiccupped out a little laugh. “I think the Kleenex is on my desk.”

Michael nodded and turned over to look over the edge of the bed, and pulled them to his waiting hand. He sat up so that he could try to unstop his nose. Nice thing about telekinesis, he could toss the used tissues into the trash from anywhere in the room. 

“Feel better?”

“Yah, thank you, baby.” He watched as Alex laid down and held out his arms, asking him to come cuddle in the reverse of their usual position - and Michael was happy to lay down with his head on Alex’s chest, bare now after he removed the soggy t-shirt. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

“I don’t know about _amazing,”_ Alex responded, “But I am very familiar with crying because I do it so fucking much.” That drew a laugh from Michael, which had been his goal. “I’m just glad I made you cry saying something good, not from hurting your feelings.”

“Best case scenario on crying, yah.” _Well, second best. Best case is if I cry because Alex is proposing to me._ And he would absolutely cry. But that was far off in the future. “I liked you scratching my back, that felt good.”

“Mm.” He gently scratched his back again, loving how he pushed back into the sensation, and the blissful smile on his face. “Back scratches are available at any time.”

“I’ll be sure to wake you up five minutes before your alarm tomorrow.”

“Asshole.” Alex kissed him when he lifted his head. “Are you ready to go to sleep?”

Michael nodded. “I’m wiped out.” 

“Let’s find our phones and turn the lights off.”

After a few minutes, Alex was sure that Michael was asleep. He usually fell asleep first, but first sex and then having an emotional breakdown and worn Michael out. “Everything will be okay,” he whispered. “I love you more than anything, I’ll take care of you, and I’ll protect you in any way I can. You’ll never be alone again.” He hoped the words seeped into Michael’s sleeping brain, comforting him. _He’s comforted me through how many breakdowns now? It’s my turn._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the Halloween party was supposed to be part of this chapter, but it really didn't fit with the tone where I ended it, and we all know that the party chapter will be LONG too, even though I was planning to make this short, sweet, funny, done. I've been working for my charter school intermittently, and now I'll have stuff to do for my district, so I won't be QUITE so free with my time, but I should still be able to whip up the next chapter pretty fast! I hope you're all staying safe and healthy!


	19. Guilty Pleasure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I was right, this chapter turned out to be long. Enjoy.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49751842296/in/dateposted-public/)

Michael woke up before his alarm. He’d turned over in his sleep, and Alex was pressed against his back, breathing softly on the back of his neck. _This is perfect. I love this boy so fucking much._ Wanting to be that much closer, he took Alex’s hand from where it was on his hip and brought it up to his chest, and leaned back a little.

The movement was enough to wake Alex, though. “Hm, morning.” He kissed the nape of Michael’s neck. “Why’re you awake?”

“No idea. I don’t know what time it is. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“‘Sokay.” He kissed his shoulder. “Just means we get more time together.”

“You’re the sweetest thing,” he answered with a smile. “Wanna see what time it is?”

Alex pulled his hand away to find his phone. “7:23. Wanna go get breakfast in the caf since we’re up early?”

“Yah, that’s a good idea. French toast instead of Pop Tarts.”

“Free coffee.”

He laughed softly when Alex put his arm back around him. “You have to let me go if we’re going to get up.” Michael thought about something. “Are you sore?”

Alex made a whiny noise and squeezed Michael hard before moving away. “I just like snuggling with you.” Experimentally, he wiggled around. “Maybe a little. Just barely. We’ll see when I have to sit down in a chair,” he joked. 

“Good.” Michael sat up, turning to give Alex a quick kiss. “Check the weather since you have your phone in your hand.”

“It’s going to be cold today. The high is only 48.”

“That’s pretty damned cold.”

“It’s 34 degrees right now. Breaking out the real coat.”

“I need a new coat, mine’s starting to fall apart.” He dropped off the side of the bed. 

“I have two, you can borrow one of mine.”

Michael looked up at him where he was still sitting on the edge of the bed. “Thanks, baby.” He held out his arms. “Want me to catch you when you jump?”

That cracked Alex up. “Yah, no.” He slid off the edge of the bed. “I love that I can jump down now.”

“Me too.” He caught sight of Alex’s neck when he flicked the lights on with a thought. “Oh fuck, baby.” He took his shoulders and steered him in front of the closet door.

Alex leaned forward to inspect his neck. “Okay, as much as I enjoyed you biting the crap out of me, this is pretty ridiculous. Like to an embarrassing level.” He turned and tipped Michael’s chin to look at his neck. “I got you.” He poked the bruise below his ear. “But your stubble pretty much hides it.”

Michael felt a lot more remorse than possessive pride over the mess he’d made of Alex’s neck. “Do you want to put on makeup?”

He shook his head. “No, it’s cold, I’ll just wear a scarf.” Seeing Michael’s face, he pulled him close and kissed him. “It’s okay, sweetheart, I’m not mad. I mean, I asked for it.”

“I can honestly say I’ve never left bite marks that had actual teeth visible.”

Alex laughed and looked in the mirror again. “It felt so good, though.” He sighed. “We’ll have to be just a little more careful.” He palpated the bruises. “This one actually hurts,” he giggled. “Maria is going to give us so much shit.”

“Oh fuck,” Michael groaned. “She’s going to cackle when she notices.” 

“Yah.” Alex gave Michael another little kiss. “Let’s get dressed, sweetheart.”

They hurriedly made themselves presentable. Alex offered Michael the choice of his two coats, one a dark blue parka type coat, the other a black wool number with leather details. “Yah, blue, that one’s a little more me.”

“I wear it to go skiing, it’s really warm.” Alex also produced a black and grey plaid scarf. “There should be gloves in the pockets.” He reached into his own to make sure his nice gloves were still where they belonged. “Ready?”

The short walk to the dining hall was chilly, but it was unpleasantly warm inside. “I hate this about winter,” Alex complained. “Can’t buildings be a reasonable temperature?”

“Apparently not.” Michael set his large portion of French toast, swimming with syrup, on the table and shrugged out of his borrowed coat. “Fact of life.”

“I’m still going to bitch about it.” Alex sat down with his own French toast. “Fuck healthy breakfast today.”

Michael laughed around his bacon. “Yah, we could do this every day if we got up earlier.”

“We’d gain so much weight.” He gratefully sipped his coffee. It wasn’t good coffee, but it was coffee. “I have to find my ear warmer thing for my run after piano.”

“You’re borderline crazy, but you have the sexiest legs I’ve ever seen, so I’ll just go along with it.”

Alex laughed. “Thanks. I think.” He pulled out his phone. “I better text Maria just to meet us in English.”

_Alex: We got up stupidly early and came to the caf for breakfast_

_ Alex: Well meet you in english_

_ Maria: Are you a pod person?_

Alex laughed. Michael was the pod person. Literally.

_Alex: No we just woke up randomly_

_ Alex: And french toast sounded good_

_ Alex: And free coffee_

_ Alex: Its cold wear a coat_

_ Maria: Thanks for the warning! I’m excited to break out the winter gear._

_ Alex: Walk walk fashion baby_

_ Maria: You know it. _

“Maria is sufficiently informed.” Alex dug into his French toast. “I’d forgotten how good this was.”

Michael gestured with his fork. “The dining hall does good breakfast, we should come more often.”

Alex nodded while chewing. “Trying to avoid the Freshman 15 is hard when you eat French toast or waffles for breakfast everyday.”

“Buzzkill.”

They started out the walk to English without gloves so they could hold hands, but changed their minds. “It’s fucking windy,” Alex complained, pulling his out. “I like holding your hand but I don’t want my fingers to freeze off.”

“Drama queen.” Michael pulled on the gloves Alex had in the pockets of the coat, just plain grey and very warm. “We can link arms like dorks.”

Laughing, they tried it and decided it was likely to lead to falling rather than romance and just walked side by side. Alex was happy he’d gotten out his scarf, he hated his neck being cold. Even if he hadn’t been covered with hickeys, he’d have worn the scarf. It looked good with the black sweater he was wearing, so it wouldn’t be too weird to leave it on. _Maria will still comment and I’ll have to show her._ Friendship with Maria DeLuca meant nothing was private.

Maria was already in her usual seat when they got there, and they hurried to sit down. It actually wasn’t warm in the lecture hall, it was freezing. “I guess they forgot the heat in this building?” Alex was happy, though. No reason to take off his coat and scarf.

“It’s fucking cold,” Maria complained. “You both look cozy. Is that your coat on your boyfriend?”

Michael nodded. “Mine’s pretty much dead. I need a new one.”

“You can use mine as long as you want. I wear a different jacket to run, so I don’t need it.”

He leaned over and kissed Alex’s cheek. “Thanks, baby.”

“I can’t decide if you guys are gross or adorable.”

“Both.” Alex smiled at Michael. “I really don’t care.”

Michael smiled. “Me either.”

They discussed the poetry analysis during class, and Alex was gratified to see that he’d been right. Of course, they all wished they hadn’t stressed about it if they were going to get help with it during class, but it was good to know that the assignment was actually doable. They spent half the class on the analysis assignment, and half of it reviewing the types of poetry they’d learned about so far. All three were still stuck on the original poem they were supposed to be writing, since they wanted to get A’s, but also wanted the poems to be meaningful. Alex planned to dedicate his to Michael, and wanted to write about how much loving him had changed him, but putting the words down had led to a lot of cheesy shit that needed to be burned. Michael was in the same boat, he wanted to write about Alex, but had only produced drivel so far. Maria just wanted an A. She’d already texted Rosa for help, since Rosa was actually really _good_ at writing poetry. 

As usual, Alex walked with Michael to his algebra class. The wind was frigid, and instead of saying goodbye outside, Alex followed him into the building and to the door of his classroom. “It feels like the heat is on in this building,” he commented.

Michael unzipped his coat. “Yah, it’s nice.” He didn’t want to assume anything, since this was a new situation, so he just opened his arms for a hug.

Alex hugged him tight and gave him a lingering kiss, which made him smile. “Are you doing a review for the midterm today?”

He nodded. “Should be easy, I’ll be able to finish the study guide.” He kissed Alex again. “Gotta go into the room, now, baby.”

“Ugh, fine,” Alex mock complained. “I’ll meet you back at the room after CS.” He watched Michael go into the classroom, happy that he’d made him smile. He was pretty sure he heard someone make a choking noise and call him a fag as he walked away, but he really didn’t care anymore. _I’m gay, and I’m not actually ashamed of being gay, and I’m definitely not ashamed of kissing Michael, so they can all fuck off._ Michael was gorgeous and smart and kind and the fact that he got to kiss him goodbye before class was a privilege. _Michael is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m not going to hide the fact that I love him._

Junko noticed that he didn’t take his scarf off in computer science even though it was warm in the room, and pestered him until he moved it so she could see the hickeys on his neck. She proceeded to make fun of him and Michael both. “I do have to say, though, that those are very impressive bite marks, in a really macabre way.”

“The fact that you have to describe them as macabre really means they look terrible.”

She nodded. “Gory. Like you were attacked by an anime demon.”

Alex shook his head. “Great. Can’t wait to tell Michael that.”

“Did you at least dentally assault him in return?”

He laughed at the new term ‘dentally assault.’ “He has one hickey but it’s pretty much hidden by his lack of shaving for the last few days.”

“If Ken left a mark like that on my body I’d kill him.”

“You threaten to kill him on a regular basis.”

“I know.” She smiled. “I really love him, though. He’s a good boyfriend most of the time.”

“Michael is the best boyfriend. No arguments will be heard.”

Junko rolled her eyes. “My boyfriend has never gnawed on my throat until I needed a scarf.”

“That sounds terrible,” Alex laughed. “I told him to, it’s not like he just held me still and chewed.”

She burst out laughing, drawing the attention of the professor, who was actually lecturing, even though they were ignoring it. Numbering systems were boring even if they were useful. She waved an apology and looked down at her notes like she was actually taking any. “We need to pay attention like good students who don’t have toothy boyfriends.”

“God, shut up,” Alex giggled, and tried to take notes. He’d already found an app that would convert numbers to other systems, and didn’t see why they needed to do it manually other than academic torture. _At least it’s easy, even if it’s tedious._

They walked out into the sun and freezing wind. “It is _not_ 48\. The weather lied.”

Junko pulled her phone out of her coat pocket. She had a huge scarf too. “Yah, it’s only 38 degrees. It’s not usually this cold in October.”

“I hope it’s not this cold Saturday, I don’t want to wear a coat to the party I’m going to.”

She looked further into the week. “No, it’s going to be back up in the 50s by Saturday.”

“It’s just fucking cold today.” Alex felt his stomach rumble and hoped Michael was hungry when he got back to the room. “My run is going to be miserable later.”

“You never take a day off, do you?”

“Now that I can run again, not often. I had an injury and couldn’t run for months and it was killing me.”

“You could go to the gym and use the treadmill.”

“Ew, no. That’s so boring. Fighting with the elements is part of the experience.”

She patted his arm. “That’s nice. I’ll stick to yoga in a nice, comfortable studio.”

“Lame.” He laughed when she punched him in the arm. “Stay warm this afternoon.”

“You too.” She waved and headed off to her econ class while Alex hurried toward the residence hall. 

It was warm when he got into the room, and he smiled happily as he walked across the room to kiss Michael where he was sitting at his desk working. At first he just kissed the side of his neck, but he turned around so they could share a real kiss before Alex took off his coat and scarf.

“Junko labeled my neck ‘macabre’ and said it looked like I was attacked by a demon.” He went over to the mirrored door again, turning a little to see the full extent of the damage. “I don’t think it’s _that_ bad.”

Michael was embarrassed and felt like an asshole. “I’m sorry, Alex, I didn’t know you’d bruise that badly.” He got up and went over to him, wrapping his arms around him. “I usually like seeing my marks on someone’s neck, but I’m pretty ashamed of that.”

“No, oh my god, no, Michael.” Alex turned around and kissed him soundly. “Absolutely not. Do not be ashamed that everyone can see that I’m yours. Don’t be ashamed that you did exactly what I asked you to. No.” He kissed him again. “You can be embarrassed if you want, but not ashamed. _I’m_ not ashamed, and it’s my neck. If I was upset about it I’d tell you.” 

“If you’re sure.” Michael wasn’t quite convinced that he hadn’t fucked up. “I think this is the only one that will still show tomorrow,” he said, running his finger over the one that had a hint of tooth impressions. “Baby, I’m not going to bite you this hard again, even if you ask. This looks like abuse.”

Alex laughed softly. “I know it’s not, sweetheart. You would never hurt me.”

“I clearly did.”

He pulled Michael close. “Shh. Don’t torture yourself. You’re not abusing me, Michael, I know the difference.”

“Still a little disturbing to see my own teeth imprinted on your skin.”

“Okay, yah, it’s kinda gruesome, so I won’t let you bite me that hard again. At least not where it shows.” Michael laughed, which had been Alex’s goal. “Do _you_ want me to put on foundation to cover it up?”

Michael shook his head. “No, it’s okay. If you’re okay, I’m okay.”

Alex just enjoyed being wrapped up in Michael’s arms for a minute. “I’m fine, sweetheart.” He kissed Michael again. “Except that I’m starving.” 

“Of course you are. Let me get my coat.”

After lunch, they opted to finish homework instead of laying around or making out. They managed to finish the poetry analysis and the algebra study guides before Alex went to his piano lesson. They both felt better when homework was just done, even if it wasn’t due yet.

Alex got another lecture from Dr. Morrow about learning his music too fast, which he appreciated. It was clear to the older woman that Alex was a talented musician and had mastered the basics of playing piano, and just needed instruction on how to do it well. They worked through the fairly basic piece that he had learned so that he could see where to adjust the dynamics and tempo to make it sound professional, not like the student piece that it was. His assignment was to go through his other pieces and mark where he could make changes, and he was pretty excited about it. Getting in trouble for being too good at something was pretty much the best way to get chewed out ever. 

“I can’t believe you’re going to go running when it’s like 35 degrees.”

He looked up from tying his shoes. “I had to go so long without running, I really don’t want to miss a chance. I can only do like two miles right now, I won’t freeze to death.” 

Michael looked at Alex’s running gear: warm grey pants, thermal shirt, tight insulated jacket, dark green fleece band that went around his forehead and over his ears. The jacket zipped up to his chin. “At least the bite marks don’t show.”

Alex laughed. “I hate my neck getting cold. I have a neck warmer thing for when it gets colder than this.”

“Is there a temperature that’s too cold for running?” 

“I typically don’t run if it’s under 30 degrees unless it’s sunny. In the winter I don’t run if it’s raining or snowing. In the summer I run in the rain unless it’s a thunderstorm.”

“You’re hardcore.”

“Not really,” Alex laughed. “At least I don’t think so. I just enjoy being prepared for the zombie apocalypse.” 

Michael cracked up. “Got it.” He gave him a kiss. “Go run, come back and we can finish homework and watch a movie or something.”

“Be right back.”

Running through the city wasn’t nearly as nice as running through Roswell, where he’d get long stretches of empty road between houses. It didn’t make that much difference, his endurance was shit after not running for a couple months, but he missed the scenic views of his old route. _I’ll have to find a nice place to go running here,_ he thought to himself. _There have to be parks with running trails and stuff._ Another downside of running in Albuquerque was that he couldn’t blast his running playlist, he had to be able to hear the traffic since he was running on city streets, thus requiring that he keep his music at a reasonable level. Fall Out Boy, Paramore, All Time Low, and The Cab were all good for running. _I wonder if I should start lifting weights as cross training. Residents get a free membership to the campus rec center._

Just as predicted, his run was miserably cold, and it was a little more humid than usual, which impacted his respiration just a tiny bit. Alex had made a thorough study of his running performance in various conditions over the last couple years. He was tempted to try to push for another mile, but decided that it was cold enough that it wasn’t a great idea, and if he couldn’t make it home and had to call Michael, he’d try to keep him from running for at least a week. _Even if I take longer than he thinks I should he’ll worry._ Making Michael worry was at the bottom of his list of things to do, so at the one-mile mark he headed back to the dorms.

It seemed ridiculously warm inside after his run, and he gratefully stripped when he got back into the room. “That was fantastic. I’m taking a shower.”

Michael laughed at the idea that something so miserable was ‘fantastic’ according to Alex. “Your nose and cheeks are so red.”

“Yah, it was cold. I was telling Junko, though, that battling the elements is part of the experience. As much as I hate it while I’m freezing my balls off, I feel like a million bucks when I’m done.”

“I’ll take your word for it, baby.” He kissed Alex’s cold nose. “Go shower.”

A hot shower after a cold run was a type of bliss that Alex wasn’t sure he could explain to Michael. There weren’t actually words for it. _It might actually be nirvana._

Clean, warm, and dressed in comfortable clothes, Alex flopped down in his desk chair. “Here in like 30 minutes I’m going to be ravenous.”

“Oh, a different dramatic word for hungry.” Michael had resumed his seat and was finishing his physics assignment. He turned around. “I can’t decide if you’re really a drama queen or just a vocabulary show off.”

Alex laughed. “Both?” 

“I should have known. What homework do you have left?”

He pulled out his assignment planner. “CS, which will take about 10 more minutes, I should put some effort into the history study guide, and review for music appreciation. We’re actually way ahead.”

“We’re going to have no problems with the music midterm. It’s all multiple choice and straight from the lecture notes.”

“I know, and it’s only 50 questions. It’s going to take like 20 minutes.”

“If that.” Michael stretched. “You wanna finish CS while I finish my physics study guide, then go to dinner?” 

“Sounds perfect.” 

Alex appreciated that Michael was the perfect homework buddy when they were doing assignments together, but loved him even more when they were working independently. He liked having quiet music on, the same as Alex, and they had enough tastes in common that they could listen without either paying too much attention or getting annoyed. Michael didn’t talk to himself, tap his pencil, click his pen, skip songs obsessively, get up for things constantly, crunch on chips loudly, chew gum loudly, slurp drinks loudly, start talking without asking if Alex could talk at the moment, and was basically not Liz and Maria. He loved both of them, but they were annoying homework buddies. Michael and Alex both got distracted sometimes, but started a conversation by asking if the other one was busy. When Michael got up to do something, he kissed Alex on the top of the head. When Alex did, he kissed the side of his neck. For the most part, Michael just _worked on homework._ It was refreshing, but he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t at least a little nostalgic for camping out in a booth at the back of the Crashdown to do homework. 

Computer science took ten minutes as predicted, and Alex got through three more items on the history study guide before Michael finished his physics study guide and announced, “It’s dinner time.”

“Wasn’t your study guide up all semester so you just had to plug info from the lecture and assignments into it?”

Michael stretched. “Yep, I just added Tuesday’s information. I have it all memorized, but I think we can get extra credit for finishing it.”

“I wonder if the test will just be a blank study guide.”

“Just Chris would totally do that. This class is such a waste of time. I’m almost insulted by it. It’s just a repeat of high school physics.”

“Yah, that’s crap. My CS class is basic, but it’s not insulting. It’s actually been really interesting to go over the history of computing in detail, and after number systems we’re going to dissect the different operating systems that are used right now.”

“You have fun with that.” When Alex laughed he kissed him. “Get your coat.”

“You’re so bossy,” Alex complained, smiling so that Michael knew he was kidding. “I’m totally wearing my sweats to dinner.” He grabbed his phone to text Maria. 

_Alex: Were heading to dinner_

_ Alex: Wanna come_

_ Alex: It’s cold still_

The dots appeared.

_Maria: Yes, I’ll come down to your room._

_ Maria: And how could it NOT be cold now that it’s dark?_

_ Alex: idk climate change?_

“Maria’s coming down to join us.”

“Okay.”

They waited a few minutes for her to knock, then the trio headed to the cafeteria. It was bitterly cold, but the sprint to De Vargas hall was short. “We could go through the basement to get to the dining hall,” Maria pointed out. “Avoid being cold all together.” 

“It takes like three times as long to go that way,” Alex countered. “I’d rather be cold for a few minutes than go that way.”

After eating junk for breakfast and lunch, Alex was determined to have a healthy dinner, but the choices available weren’t helping him out. “I guess it’s hot enough in here that I can have a salad.”

“I can’t believe you’re going to turn down free enchiladas because you had French toast for breakfast.”

He pondered that choice. “Okay, how can I _not_ eat enchiladas?” That decision was made. Fuck salad.

“Okay, Halloween party discussion,” Maria started when they all had food and were at the table. “The drinking will probably start in the afternoon, but the party gets officially started at 7:00. What time do you want to head there?”

“Is it at a frat house?” 

She shook her head. “It’s at a huge old house that like twelve people from the music and theatre departments are renting. I’m sure there will be Greeks there, but it’s not a frat party.”

“Oh good.” Alex waved his fork. “I feel a lot better about wearing makeup and looking extra gay at a theatre party than a frat party.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Michael agreed. “I was trying to think of ways to back out if it was a frat party.”

“I’m nervous about going to frat parties,” Maria admitted. “I get a little wild when I start drinking and I’ve seen _how_ many Lifetime movies?”

Alex and Michael looked at each other. “How is this party different?”

“Well,” she began, “I know almost everyone that’s invited for one. And the house is mostly girls, the three guys that live there are gay. I know there will be lots of guys there, but I know none of the older girls from the arts department are going to let the freshmen get in any trouble. Most importantly, though, Zoey and I already agreed to crash there so we’re not tempted by rides home.”

“Okay, that makes me feel better.” Alex looked at Maria for a minute. “Put some condoms in your purse.”

“Alex!”

“Even if you don’t use them, someone else might. Better safe than sorry?”

Maria still looked scandalized, and Michael thought it was hilarious. “As interested as you are in our sex life, can you blame him for wanting you to be prepared?”

She opened and closed her mouth a few times. “Okay, point taken.”

Alex changed the topic slightly. “Before we get dressed up on Saturday, you _have_ to finish the history study guide with me. You’re not going to do well on the test if you don’t make sure you have all the information down, because there’s just too much of it. You keep putting it off, and I’m not going to just finish it without helping you, but I’m going to finish it in time to study whether you do or not.”

Maria was a little shocked by that, too. “I haven’t missed class other than that one day, I take notes, and we did our project early and we’re just waiting for the grade. Can’t we let the study guide go? We know the material.”

He shook his head. “No, I’m not going to let it go. It’s worth 5% of our grade. It’s an easy assignment that’s the difference between an A and B. And,” he continued, “I know you’ll get partial credit for turning in what you’ve got but if you just concentrate for an hour, you’ll be done and can study Sunday and Monday so you can get an A.”

She just looked at him for a minute. “You’re just as psycho about grades now as you were in high school. You already got into college, Alex, you don’t have to get 100% on every assignment and test. You could relax a little.”

“No, I want to walk across the stage in four years with a 4.0, every honor society, and the president’s award for the CS department. I need grades that will get me the _job_ I want now, I’m not going to slack off.” He pointed his fork at her. “If I want to go into intelligence, I need to have grades that show I’m smarter _and_ work harder than any other candidate. Graduating with honors will help you, too. Think about it. If it comes down to you and another girl in an audition, and they look at your grades and you got As in your academic classes too, it shows that you’re _smart_ not just talented, and that you have a good work ethic. If you get lazy now, you’re not going to be able to recover later, it’ll be too ingrained. So we’re meeting at 11:00 on Saturday to finish the damned study guide and you’re not going to settle for a B when you can get an A.”

“I’ve never been more aware that you grew up in a military house than I am right now,” she answered sourly. “Fine, 11:00.” She stabbed her enchiladas aggressively. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

“I have your best interest at heart. You’re making sure I don’t get in trouble romantically, I’m making sure you don’t get in trouble academically.”

“Excuse me, I would like to point out that I am the definition of trouble and DeLuca you have utterly failed.”

That surprised a laugh out of both Alex and Maria, and lightened the mood at the table. They dashed back to Laguna hall after dinner, and Maria headed to her room with a grudging promise to work on the study guide so they didn’t have so much to do Saturday.

“Hey, baby.”

Alex turned around, still shrugging out of his coat. “What’s up?”

Michael took his coat and hung it on the ladder. “You’re a good friend, you know that?” He looped his arms around Alex’s neck. “You pulled out your dad’s attitude on Maria and now she’s going to do her homework.”

Smiling, Alex slid his arms around Michael’s waist. “When we have kids I’ll be able to get them to clean their rooms and take baths the first time I tell them.”

That pulled an actual _giggle_ out of Michael. “When we have kids.” He kissed Alex, he couldn’t help but kiss him, and came out of it breathless and grinning. “When we have kids.”

Alex could tell that he’d said magic words that filled Michael with joy. “Yah. We’ll be good parents.”

A little teary, Michael kissed him again. “Thank you.” 

Alex knew that wasn’t for the compliment. It was for wanting to be part of his dream. He pulled Michael into a tight hug and kissed his neck. “They’d better fucking do their homework.”

Michael pulled away laughing. “Damn right they better.” 

“Speaking of, wanna study for music appreciation for a minute then just chill for a while?”

“Sure.” 

They opted to just sit together at Alex’s desk and read through the notes and quiz each other. “This is too easy,” Alex complained. “I keep waiting for a trick question.”

“This is the most basic of the basic classes we have this semester, there’s not going to be a trick question. It’s a music class for people who know nothing about music.”

“I don’t know why we had to take this class when we also have to take music history and music theory.”

“Yah me either.” He reached over and closed the lid of Alex’s computer. “No more. We have every answer memorized.”

Alex laughed. “We totally do.” He turned in his chair and put his feet in Michael’s lap. “What do you want to do? I don’t really want to watch a movie, I don’t want to look at the screen anymore.”

“I never thought that would come out of your mouth,” Michael teased. “We actually should probably do laundry, since we didn’t do it this afternoon.”

“We can do it tomorrow, I don’t want to do it right now.”

“So what _do_ you want to do?”

“Would it be lame if I just want to lay in bed with you and play with your hair and talk? Make out a little? Just be together?”

“I will absolutely never say no to you playing with my hair.”

They climbed up onto Alex’s bed. He positioned himself at the top of the bed, but against the long wall, and Michael stretched out with his head on Alex’s thigh. He sighed happily when Alex started sifting his fingers through his hair. “You’re never allowed to stop.”

“Just keep going until my arm falls off?”

“Mhm.”

Alex laughed softly. Michael looked like he was in the same state of nirvana he was in the hot shower. “Your hair is so beautiful.”

“Mm.” He started to feel some of the chaos in his head slow down. Music had always been his escape, the only thing to quiet the entropy, but Alex was quickly proving that one-on-one attention, love, and scalp massage were good too. When he scratched lightly, goosebumps broke out over his body and he moaned. 

“It’s not just your hair that’s beautiful, you know,” Alex murmured. “You’re beautiful. Your face, your body, your heart, your soul. You’re an amazing person, Michael. I was thinking this morning that being with you is a privilege, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I’m so lucky that I get to sit on my bed, with your head in my lap, and stroke your hair, and let you know that you’re the most important person in my world.” 

“You’re going to have to stop reducing me to tears with your sweetness, baby,” Michael answered, wiping his eyes. “You’re the most important person in my world, Alex, and you always will be. I don’t have enough words to describe all the ways that you amaze me, how beautiful you are, how kind you are, how funny, and sweet, and adorable you are. Nothing in my life prepared me for meeting the person I wanted to share my life with and suddenly not being in constant pain. I never thought I deserved to be happy, but you proved me wrong.”

“Making you happy is high on my list of priorities.” Alex wiped away a stray tear. “Think we’ll ever stop being so fucking emotional?”

“We’re bound to get it out of our systems eventually.”

They lapsed into silence again as Alex lightly scratched Michael’s scalp. It was hard to look at Michael’s blissful, relaxed face and not word vomit more praise at him. _He’s gorgeous, and loves me so much, and he trusts me, and he’s so fucking kind. So sweet. So gentle and patient and funny, and Michael is just the best boyfriend._ He was happy to just sit there as his legs went to sleep and watch Michael drift in and out of consciousness as he played with his hair. _Nothing will ever make me as happy as getting to take care of him. I love you so fucking much, Michael._

He didn’t know how long it had been when the fluffiness of Michael’s curls was actually making it hard to mess with. “Sweetheart?”

“Hm?”

Alex chuckled. “Your hair’s so frizzy now that I’m going to rip it out if I keep playing with it.”

With a sleepy laugh, Michael stretched, but didn’t sit up. “That was an indescribably nice time, thank you baby.”

“You’re so cute.” When Michael scoffed he gave him a look. “You are. Don’t argue with me.” 

“Oh, you’re pulling out the voice on me?” Michael laughed, forcing himself to sit up. “To convince me that I’m cute?”

“You are _so_ cute.” He tried to move his legs unsuccessfully. “Ugh, my legs are so asleep.”

“You should have made me get up sooner.” 

“No.” He gasped when Michael started rubbing his legs. “Oh, thank you.”

“Are you going to be sore from running tomorrow?” 

Alex shook his head. “I didn’t push myself today. I knew you’d worry because it’s cold.”

Michael stopped. “Don’t hold yourself back from doing something you want to do because of me, baby.”

“Being in a relationship means thinking about each other before we make decisions. I weighed wanting to push for a third mile against making you worry and decided it wasn’t worth it. I was also a little worried that I might not be able to do the third mile, and it was getting dark, and I’d have to call you to come get me, and that would be a pain for both of us. So yes, I included you in my decision, because my choice was going to impact you.”

“Oh. Thank you, then.” He still didn’t feel quite right about it, but had to accept that Alex had used sound logic with making that decision. “Do you think you’re going to try for a third mile tomorrow?”

“No, I don’t have a route planned for three miles yet. If I’d pushed it tonight, I might have ended up somewhere I didn’t want to be. My current path is just the easiest way around this area, but there are lots of busy streets that I don’t enjoy.” He sighed. “I’d like to see if there are any parks with running trails or something so I can at least go on a good, long run on Sundays like I used to. My running route is the only thing I miss about Roswell.” 

“We should look.” He looked at Alex, who was still sitting in the same position, and settled himself in his lap, straddling his thighs. When Alex squawked in surprise, he laughed. “You’re so cute.”

Alex put his arms around Michael’s waist, hands on his lower back. “Hi.” It was different to look up at him, since they were the same height.

“Hi.” Michael traced one finger over Alex’s facial features, much as he had the night before, before cupping his jaw. “You’re so beautiful.” He leaned down a little to brush their lips together. “Your body, your heart, and your soul. If those exist.”

“I’m pretty sure my body and heart exist, at least,” he teased softly. 

Michael chuckled. “Okay, yes.” He kissed him again. He didn’t really want to break the soft mood they were in with pushing toward sex, or suggesting watching a show or something. Instead he brushed Alex’s hair back, letting the soft strands slip between his fingers. “How long do you think you’ll grow your hair?”

“I don’t know. It’s always been short because my dad had strict regulations for hair. Maybe chin length? If I don’t get annoyed with it before then.” 

“That would be pretty. And would really bother your dad.” He leaned down and kissed him again. “Would you put it in pigtails?”

Alex laughed. “For you, yes.”

“Don’t go makin’ promises ya can’t keep, darlin’.” He smiled into Alex’s laughing eyes. “How do you put a beanie on long hair?”

“You get looser hats, or put it behind your ears before putting the hat on.” 

“How are you going to fix it for the party on Saturday?”

“I don’t know, I’ll probably pick up some hair glue so I can still spike it out. It’s too long for gel to hold it now.”

“Hair glue?”

Alex nodded. “If gel is like Elmer’s glue, this is like super glue.” He laughed softly at Michael’s look of concern. “Don’t worry, it washes out.”

“What will you do with it if it gets down to your chin?” He lightly swiped his finger along Alex’s jaw.

“I don’t know. Blow it dry so it’s not floppy and sad.” 

“Isn’t it floppy and sad right now?” Michael laughed.

“It so is,” he agreed. “I need to get some pomade so I can style it. I don’t like it just being in my face all the time, but I’m lazy and poor.”

“It’s just soft and silky.” Alex smiling up at him made Michael feel like his heart was overflowing. “You’re just perfect, Alex.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so not,” he laughed. “But I’ll try to be for you.” 

“You won’t have to try very hard.” He pressed a kiss to Alex’s soft lips. “Just be you.” 

Alex sank into the kiss, opening to the gentle teasing pressure of Michael’s tongue against his lips. He wasn’t sure how long they traded slow, sweet kisses, Michael’s hands in Alex’s hair, and Alex’s hands warm on Michael’s back. It was the opposite of desperate, but every bit as passionate and emotional as when they couldn’t get close enough. Every kiss made Alex love him just that much more, and he felt like he must have done something right in his last life to have a boyfriend who was just as happy kissing him until he couldn’t think for the amount of love in his veins as he was rolling around in bed. _Kissing is good all by itself. I don’t need it to be sex every time. I’m so lucky that Michael feels the same._

Michael had to pull away for breath, and watched Alex’s eyes open slowly. _He was like, specifically designed for romantic, sensual affection._ It wasn’t what Michael was used to, but he loved it. “I never feel like I have to rush with you,” he murmured. “I could just kiss you like that all night, and you’d never get impatient or bored.”

“No, never.” He slid his hands up Michael’s chest. “Kissing doesn’t have to be a means to an end.”

He shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. I don’t think anything will be ‘means to an end’ with you, baby. With you, the journey is just as amazing as the destination.” 

“Kiss me again?”

“You think you have to ask?” Michael teased before lowering his head to meet Alex’s smiling lips with his own. _I am deliriously happy._

***

“Okay, so turn left here,” Maria instructed, pointing out the windshield. “It’s the 5th house on the left, there should be a bunch of lights on the tree out front.”

Michael spotted the house easily. There were already cars lining the street on both sides, and he had to park about a block away. Maria and Alex were basically vibrating with excitement, and he couldn’t decide if it was cute, funny, or unnerving. 

“It’s 8:04 right now,” Alex announced. “What time did we agree we’re leaving?”

“1:00 unless the police shut the party down.” 

Maria laughed. “Not in this neighborhood.”

They all got out of the truck. It was cold, but none of them had bothered with coats, they were inconvenient and likely to get lost at a house party. Maria had, in fact, done a sexy kitten costume, wearing a tiger-print leotard and fishnets, with black boots and a cat-ear headband. She’d even drawn whiskers on her cheeks. Alex had really pondered his outfit choices, not wanting to be totally ridiculous but still wanting to get attention. He’d decided on black jeans that were skin tight, which had led Michael to demand why he hadn’t worn them before. Knowing he’d get hot once he started drinking, he’d worn a thin maroon t-shirt and his jeans jacket. Combat boots, of course. Maria had supervised his hair to make sure it was on point, and he’d done dramatic black eyeliner, dark eye shadow, and much to Michael’s utter devastation, put on clear lip gloss. He’d never thought about Alex wearing lip gloss before, and his dick was very much in favor of it. His lips were already so gorgeous, and that little bit of shine… He hadn’t covered the bruise on his neck either, and somehow that was arousing, too. Michael, himself, had worn the nicest pair of his Goodwill jeans, which Alex assured him made his ass look fantastic, and the black cowboy shirt he’d gotten the same day as the jeans, and had also worn to the dance. He felt like it was a crying shame that he didn’t have any cowboy boots, but he was a broke college student, not an actual cowboy. 

“We make a really eclectic group,” Alex observed. “The cowboy, the punk, and the sex kitten.”

“College life at its finest.” 

They each handed the drag queen at the door their $10, and moved into the noise and heat of the party. Music was blasting from somewhere, and all the furniture had been moved against the walls for people to ‘dance’ in the middle of the room. Maria grabbed Alex’s hand, and he grabbed Michael’s in turn, and she pulled them all through the crowd to the kitchen.

“Sarah!” She screamed as she walked, and a tiny girl with excellent zombie makeup spun around to see her. Alex watched them exchange a careful hug. “This is my best friend Alex, and his boyfriend Michael.” 

“Nice to meet you!” She gave them both little hugs. “Only one rule, don’t use someone’s room to fuck unless you ask first. Get something to drink! Go dance!”

All three of them laughed at the rule and got cups full of something electric blue off the counter. Alex sipped it and sucked in a breath. “Yah, I’m gonna be drunk in no time.” He followed up the sip with a gulp. “Blue raspberry.”

“What’s in it?” Maria asked, sipping cautiously.

Michael took a drink. “Too many things to count. At least it tastes like Kool-Aid.”

One drink became two, two drinks became three, and then Michael really got to experience drunk Alex.

The first thing he noticed about drunk Alex was that he was _very_ tactile. As they were ‘dancing’ he was all over Michael, but anyone that talked to them, he hugged or squeezed in some way. And where Alex’s hands went on his body was significantly different than at the dance, that was for fuck sure. Under his shirt, on his ass, down his pants, in his hair, around his waist. He wasn’t shy about kissing him, either, anywhere that had exposed skin. At one point he saw Maria with her mouth open in shock watching them before she started laughing. _Apparently this is a new aspect of drunk Alex._

Drunk Alex also really enjoyed singing, but luckily, did it very well. Any time he knew a song, he’d sing. Michael couldn’t help but catch his enthusiasm, and sang too, as did a lot of the drunk people in the house. Drunk Alex had no problem talking to _anyone._ Alex wasn’t exactly shy, but he wasn’t overly social, and Michael assumed it was from the bullying and abuse. Now he had to wonder if at parties, _this_ Alex had surprised the crap out of his classmates. 

After a while, they ended up on a couch with more drinks, something bright red this time. Or well, Michael was on the couch. Alex was in his lap. Now, granted, there were like four other people trying to fit onto the couch, so room was limited, but it was clear that Alex wanted to be in his lap. It was hard to believe that two weeks ago he’d been afraid to hold hands walking to class and now he was in his lap and licking his neck. Michael was pleasantly hazy, but decided he wasn’t going to get any drunker than this. _No more drinks for at least an hour._ He wondered what time it was, but they were having a blast, so wasn’t too worried about it. He’d lost track of what was going on kissing Alex when Maria plopped down on the arm of the couch next to him and he looked up. She was clearly drunk, and was laughing. 

“Damn, Guerin, Alex has your shirt basically off your body, are you going to fuck on the couch?”

Michael looked down. Alex had, indeed, unsnapped his shirt almost to his navel. “Okay, drunk Alex, when did this happen?” 

Alex laughed loudly. “Sometime when your tongue was down my throat.” He reached up for a hug from Maria, and she fell between them, upside down, which was riotously funny to everyone in the vicinity. They eventually got her upright and back on the arm of the couch. “So much for dancers being graceful.”

“Fuck you!” She shoved him playfully and they almost reprised her earlier position. “How much have you had to drink?”

“No idea,” Alex grinned. “Enough to undress my boyfriend but not enough to fuck on the couch.”

“Apparently you’ve had enough to get undressed, Guerin.”

“Hey, I wasn’t even aware this was happening!” 

Alex started snapping his shirt, kissing his chest while he worked. “Sorry, sweetheart, I should have asked.”

“Definitely not complaining, baby.” He accepted a deep, messy kiss from his boyfriend. 

“Gross, gross, walking away now,” Maria declared, jumping off the couch. 

“How drunk are you, Alex?”

“Drunk enough to really enjoy myself, not drunk enough to actually try to have sex on the couch.”

Michael felt relief wash over him. “That’s good.”

“I told you, I don’t get smashed when I’m not with people I know.” He gave Michael a less messy kiss. “I just really wanted to touch you.”

“It’s okay, not upset.” He pulled him in for another kiss, but this one went on for a while, and got very heated. He pulled away with a gasp. “Fuck I want you.”

“You’re too drunk to drive right now, you’ll have to wait until you sober up a little.” He kissed him again. “Too bad there’s not a hot tub.”

That made Michael burst out laughing. “You’re never going to let me live that down.”

“Never,” Alex laughed. “Come on, let’s dance or go sit in the backyard or something so we cool off or we’re going to do something we regret sober.”

They went through the kitchen and out into the back yard, where a group was sitting around a crackling fire pit roasting marshmallows. They welcomed Michael and Alex over with yells and offers of ‘smores. They shared a log that had been turned into a bench and happily toasted the sticky treats. The crew around the fire were all theatre majors, and were talking about production disasters they’d been involved in over the years. It was hysterical hearing about everything that could go wrong with a play, Alex had had no idea how many technical problems theatres had and how many wardrobe malfunctions could occur. Michael was equally amused, but more caught up with watching Alex. Firelight did good things for him, and he was beautiful.

“What time is it, sweetheart?” Alex murmured in his ear before resting his head on his shoulder. “Are you sober enough to drive?”

Michael pulled his phone out of his pocket. “It’s a little after midnight. Ready to head home? I’m good to drive.”

“Mhm.” He lifted his head when Michael squeezed his knee, and stood when he did. They said goodnight to the theatre students, and went back in the house. 

When they got down the hall to the living room, they saw that Maria was all over a hot guy on the dance floor, and waved before they left. She waved back and went back to seducing him standing up. Michael had to admit that Maria was really hot, and when she danced, she was even hotter. If he hadn’t met Alex? Maria would definitely have been his type. But Alex was the only person he wanted, and had been since the day they met. 

In the truck, Alex buckled himself into the middle seat instead of the passenger side, and rested his head on Michael’s shoulder. Michael was overwhelmed by how sweet that was until he felt Alex’s hand in his crotch. “What the fuck, Alex?”

Alex laughed against his neck, low and dirty. “Problem sweetheart?” He licked the shell of Michael’s ear, pulling a moan from him. “Want me to stop?”

“Well, no--”

“Should I replace my hand with my mouth?” He chuckled when Michael gasped. “Stop rubbing you long enough to unzip your jeans, pull out your cock, and swallow you?”

“Fuck Alex--”

He sucked the spot below Michael’s ear where he’d already left a mark. “Do you think you could still drive? Pay attention to all the stop signs and speed limits?” He was still rubbing Michael’s cock gently. “Would people be able to see?” He laughed at the strangled sound Michael made. “You like that idea, huh?”

“Where are you getting this shit?”

“Filthiest mind on the planet?” He slid his hand up to the button of his jeans and unfastened them, slipping inside.

“Oh fuck--” The contrast of Alex’s soft skin and the smooth metal of the rings he was wearing was insane. “Alex, fuck, you have to stop so I can park.”

Alex laughed again. “Okay, just for a second.” He pulled his hand away and waited while Michael pulled into a spot and killed the engine. “All done?” He unfastened his seatbelt.

“Jesus fucking christ,” Michael muttered before grabbing him and kissing him hard. He struggled with getting his seatbelt off, too, frustrated when it didn’t want to let him go. Alex tried to turn and lay back against the bench seat, but Michael stopped him. “Okay, as much as fucking in my truck sounds great, doing it in campus parking right under a light isn’t my first choice.”

Alex laughed, a less filthy one this time. “Right, we have beds. But, for the record, we should really have sex in your truck at some point.”

“It will see all kinds of action when it’s warmer and we’re not in the middle of Albuquerque and a five minute walk from a bed.”

“Mmm, don’t forget to zip your jeans.”

“I can’t believe you had your hand in my pants while I was driving.” 

“Mmm, I can. I’ve met me.”

Walking back to the room was accomplished as quickly as was possible with Alex pushing into Michael’s personal space and putting his hand down the back of his jeans. By the time Michael unlocked the door, Alex’s sexy laughter was driving him crazy in a really good way. “Come here.” He threw his keys in the general direction of his desk and grabbed Alex in a kiss.

Alex took over almost immediately, pushing Michael against the ladder and quickly popping the snaps of his shirt. “God you’re hot,” he whispered as he licked his neck. He didn’t stop with the shirt, but unzipped his jeans, too.

“Fuck, baby, what do you want?” It was hard to think with Alex’s hand on his cock, rings still cool against his hot skin. 

In answer, Alex dropped to his knees. “I want you to fuck my mouth.”

“Alex.” Michael looked down at him. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m not _that_ drunk, I mean, I haven’t even started crying for no reason yet.” He grinned when that pulled a laugh out of his boyfriend. “I know what I’m asking you for.”

“You’re sure?” _I’m not sure._

“Mhm.” Alex nuzzled against Michael’s hip, then kissed over to the base of his cock. “Grab my hair. Feed me your dick.” He opened his mouth and licked the length of him, listening to the sounds that Michael was making in place of words. He waited for a moment, then pulled away a little. “You can say no, Michael.”

“I feel like I should say no but that also sounds really hot,” he admitted. “I’m afraid I’ll choke you or hurt you.”

“If you choke me I’ll stop you, I promise. I won’t let you hurt me. Too much.” He winked when Michael huffed out a laugh. “If this doesn’t work for us we can stop and I’ll still suck you off.”

“I think it’s gonna work--”

Alex took his hand and put it in his hair. “You know how much I like you to pull it.”

Michael’s hand clenched in Alex’s hair reflexively, and he moaned. Seeing Alex on his knees begging to suck his cock was probably the most erotic thing he’d ever experienced. “Fuck Alex.” He yanked on his hair again, moving his head, and got another moan. “I am going to fuck your mouth.” 

“Please.” He guided Michael’s cock to his open mouth, and licked the tip. “Do it.”

He thrust past his waiting lips, moaning at the sensation and the visual of Alex’s head being where he wanted it because he was gripping his hair. He kept going, it felt good, and he could feel Alex’s hands on the backs of his thighs. He made a soft noise, and he looked down. “What’s wrong, baby?

Alex pulled off when Michael’s fingers loosened in his hair. “Don’t hold back. This is nice but I want you to actually fuck my mouth.” 

“Alex.”

“Seriously, I’ll let you know if it’s too much. I’ve been thinking about it all night, please.” He licked the length of Michael’s cock. “You’re so sweet and so careful and I really want you to be rough on me, okay?”

“You’re really getting off on this?” He hated it when a guy choked him. 

“Mhm. Come on, if you hate it we can stop.” _Trust me._

In response, Michael yanked hard on Alex’s hair, and thrust into his mouth with more force behind it, and kept going this time, as hard as felt good, and listened to Alex _moan. He really, totally, is getting off on this. Who knew? Filthiest mind on the planet._ Watching his cock disappear between Alex’s pink lips while he just knelt there and took it was fucking hot in a way he would never have considered. _I’m learning all kinds of new things about Alex tonight._ He was rapidly approaching the point of no return, though, and it was getting harder and harder not to choke him. “Baby.” 

Alex seemed to know what he meant, though, because he gripped his ass and pulled him deeper into his mouth. “Fuck! Alex, oh fuck--” He thrust two, three more times before he came down Alex’s throat, pretty sure this was an experience he’d never forget. When Alex pulled away, he realized he probably _couldn’t fucking breath._ “Of, fuck, Alex, baby, are you okay?”

He grinned up at him. “I’m okay.” He tugged Michael’s hand. “Come down here before you fall.”

Laughing, Michael gracelessly collapsed on the floor, and accepted a kiss from Alex. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yah, I’m okay. I was right, that was really hot.”

“I didn’t choke you?”

“Not ‘til the end when I wanted to see how much I could take.”

“You keep surprising me with how fucking _nasty_ you are.”

Alex cackled. “You love it.” He crawled into Michael’s lap.

“Yah.” He kissed him again, breathless. “Okay, now what do you want?”

In response, Alex speared his fingers through Michael’s hair and kissed him _thoroughly._ “Will you finger me while you suck me off?”

Michael groaned. “Yes, anything you want.” 

Alex went up onto his knees to get his jacket off, and threw it somewhere behind him before falling back onto his elbows on the floor, immediately going for the button of his jeans. “Fuck I’m ready,” he panted. “My boots--”

“I’ve got you.” Michael quickly unlaced the right one, pulled it off, and _peeled_ those skin tight jeans down. “Fuck these jeans should not be illegal.”

“That’s why I own them.” He got his right foot free of his jeans and spread his legs. “Fuck Michael, please, I’m so close just from blowing you--”

“So nasty.” He grabbed the lube with a little mental effort and opened it even as he was moving between Alex’s thighs. “So you’re saying not to tease you.”

“Fuck, no, please don’t tease me,” he begged. “I’m so fucking hard--”

“I’ve got you, baby.” He’d actually never fingered someone while giving a blow job, but, strangely enough, his last girlfriend had done it for him so he knew it felt good. He started with his fingers, pushing just one into Alex’s body, getting everything slick and waiting for him to adjust. 

“Fuck, Michael, please, don’t tease me!”

“That’s teasing?”

“Michael!”

He decided to trust Alex, and pressed two fingers into his ass, and got a long exhaled “Yes,” in response. Once he had a rhythm going, he used his left hand to guide Alex’s cock to his mouth, and took him in as deep as he could. He mentally flinched at how loud Alex shouted, and was sure they were going to get all kinds of crap from their neighbors the next day. He was doing his best to keep his hips still, even this turned on, and this close to coming, and Michael loved him even more. _He just never stops thinking about me, and what I need, even when he’s begging for what he wants._ Sure that he’d want it, Micheal pulled his fingers out and pushed back in roughly with three. When Alex didn’t shout loud enough to wake the dead, he looked up and saw that he was biting his hand to keep quiet, eyes clenched shut. 

“Michael,” Alex managed, “So close, oh fuck--” And then it was all over. All he could do was lay there, panting, another soft moan floating free when Michael gently pulled his fingers out. “Oh my god.”

Michael chuckled. “You okay, baby?”

Alex looked at him, kneeling between his legs, smiling. “Did we just have sex on the floor?”

They both dissolved into giggles as Michael repositioned himself to cover Alex’s body with his own, kissing his laughing mouth, not wanting the night to end even though he really wanted to go to sleep. “Okay, so now I’ve met drunk Alex. I have to say, I like the guy.”

He cracked up at that. “Drunk Michael is pretty damn great, too.” It took him a minute to calm down, and he gently brushed Michael’s hair off of his forehead. “Bed?”

“Yah, good idea.” He leaned down to kiss Alex one more time. “Let me get your other shoe off so you don’t die trying to stand up.”

Alex couldn’t help but laugh at that. “I was pretty desperate.” He watched Michael take off his boot then pull his jeans completely off. 

“It was really hot.”

“Was it?” He accepted Michael’s hand to help him stand up. “Thanks, sweetheart.” He pulled his shirt off over his head and just dropped it. “I’m going to be a hot mess in the morning, but I don’t think I’m going to bother with washing my makeup off.”

Michael laughed. “I can’t wait to see that.” 

All of the drinking meant trips to the bathroom, followed by each of them drinking water to try to avoid being too hungover, before Michael followed Alex up onto the bed. Neither of them was awake for more than the few minutes it took to kiss and pull up the blankets.

***

Michael wasn’t sure what time he woke up. There was sunlight creeping in around the edges of the blinds but it was mostly quiet outside and in the hall. _Must be like 7:00._ His bladder was letting him know in no uncertain terms that he was getting out of bed, and he carefully got up, cognizant of the fact that he was kinda hungover and that if he made too much noise, he’d wake up Alex. He was pretty sure Alex was a lot more hungover than he was, and wanted him to sleep a little longer.

No such luck, when he came out of the bathroom, Alex was squinting at him from the edge of the mattress. “Sorry baby, didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“‘Sokay, I can probably sleep more after I pee.” He forced himself to sit up and tried to run his hand through his hair, and it got stuck. “This is awkward.”

Michael laughed while Alex climbed down. “Looks like hair glue doesn’t age well overnight. And you were right, you’re a hot mess this morning.”

He responded with a sleepy laugh and looked in the mirrored closet door. “Oh fuck, this is bad.” He turned and draped himself over Michael. “Wanna take a shower?”

“Sure.”

Even though they were usually careful to shower quickly so they didn’t annoy Dean and Seamus, they were both tired and hungover and in very quiet moods, and enjoyed the hot water and washing each other’s skin and kissing softly. Alex took extra time with his hair and face to make sure he got all of the glue and glitter off. Neither of their suitemates was pounding down the door by the time they finished their leisurely shower and brushing their teeth. 

Alex pulled on fresh boxers and a long-sleeved t-shirt then located the Advil he’d gotten at the same time as the new makeup. “Do you have a headache, sweetheart?”

“Very mild, not enough to worry about. I can’t take Advil anyway, I have no idea what it would do to my system.” He cupped Alex’s cheek. “How bad is your headache?”

“On a scale of 1-10 it’s like a 6, so Advil is justified.” He swallowed the gel caps with cold water. “I’m not going to throw up, but I’m really not interested in food.”

“Same.” He got out water and drank some while he watched Alex pick up their clothes from the night before. “Is my phone still in my pants?”

“Yah, here.” He held it out to Michael. “It’s probably dead.”

“Yah, it is.” He plugged it into the charger by his desk. “Did your phone survive?”

“Dead battery, but I didn’t break it with my drunken shenanigans.” He pulled the long charger down from where it was looped over the bed frame and plugged his phone in. “I think I want to go back to sleep, sweetheart.”

“Me too. You climb up first.”

They cuddled up together, happy with the morning so far. Michael felt Alex kiss his chest and smiled. “I love that you do that,” he murmured, feeling sleepy. 

Alex chuckled. “How can I pass up a chance to kiss your sexy chest?”

Michael laughed too. “You’re adorable.”

“You’re pretty cute yourself.” He yawned, and kissed Michael’s chest again. “Sleep.”

Alex woke up a couple hours later feeling a lot better than the first time, head still pillowed on Michael’s chest, though Michael was awake and looking at his phone. He kissed his chest. “Morning again.”

“Morning, baby.” He put his phone aside so he could kiss Alex when he reached for one. “Sleep okay?”

“Like the dead.” He moved away to stretch then propped himself up on his elbow. “What time is it?”

“11:31. Want your phone?”

“Oh, yah, thanks sweetheart.” He watched as Michael looked over the edge of the bed and took his phone out of the air when it floated towards him. “No one in the world has a boyfriend as cool as mine.”

Michael laughed. “I don’t know how cool I am other than being able to make things fly through the air.”

Alex looked at him, serious. “If you sucked, but were telekinetic, you would not be the coolest boyfriend ever. You’re also smart, funny, sweet, interesting, and gorgeous.”

“Oh, that does make me sound cooler,” Michael laughed. “What’s something about me that’s interesting, other than my immigration status?”

“Is that what we’re calling your arrival on earth? Immigration?” Alex laughed. “You’re so witty, and have amazing comebacks, and you’re so fucking funny, and tell the coolest stories, and you’re an engineer, and no matter how funny you’re being, you never make fun of someone in a way that actually hurts their feelings.” 

“Oh, that does make me sound cool.”

“So you’d be cool even if you couldn’t get my phone off my desk without moving, but that is a huge bonus.” Alex moved so that he could kiss Michael’s smile. “I’d be absolutely, 100%, just as enamoured of you if you were human, because you still wouldn’t be ordinary.”

Michael kissed him back. “You’re the sweetest thing, Alex.”

When his phone powered on, Alex had a couple texts from Maria.

_Maria: How hungover are you? Because I’m dying._

_ Maria: Did you get laid?_

_ Maria: Can I tag you in all these pics on Facebook?_

Alex pondered the answers to all of those questions. Did he want to be tagged in those pics? He opened his photos and looked at all the selfies he and Michael had taken at the party. One, especially, stood out, it was by the fire and Michael was kissing his cheek. It was 100% clear in every picture he’d taken that Michael was his boyfriend. _And if I put these on Facebook, and if Maria tags me in those pictures, literally everyone in Roswell will see them. There’s no way it won’t get back to Dad that I was making out with a boy while wearing makeup and drunk off my ass at a party._

_ Alex: Woke up early and took advil so I’m fine_

_ Alex: Drank water before bed_

_ Alex: Did not lose my virginity_

And the answer to the last question? _Do I give a fuck anymore?_

“Michael, are we going to get an apartment right at the end of school, or do I have to move back to Roswell for the summer?”

“Baby, there is no way I’m letting you live with your father for three months. We’ll get an apartment before school gets out this year. We’re being so careful with money that it shouldn’t be a problem.” He and Alex had opened a joint savings account and it had a couple thousand dollars in it that they weren’t touching unless an emergency happened. The grants they had, along with the full tuition waiver, meant that they had more than enough to live on. Alex even still had savings from his jobs in high school. “I’m considering your house in Roswell just as unacceptable as my truck as a place to live this summer.”

He looked at Michael and smiled. “Thank you.” He looked back at his phone. 

_Alex: You know what fuck it_

_ Alex: Go ahead and tag me_

_ Alex: I’m posting all these pics_

He opened Facebook, started a new post, and added all of the pics of the night before. He tagged Maria in the ones where she was visible, and added ‘Halloween 2008’ before hitting the ‘post’ button. He watched as all of his pictures uploaded to the site, where the entire community of Roswell, NM was going to find out that Alex Manes, who everyone suspected was gay, was actually gay.

And he didn’t even care.

_Fuck it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you feel about drunk Alex? I was highly amused by him. Are you guys all caught up on the show? Episode 4 was SO GOOD. Definitely the best episode this season. No spoilers in the comments in case someone hasn't watched it yet, but OMG. 
> 
> Chapter Title: Guilty Pleasure by Cobra Starship


	20. Soul Meets Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, guys, I'm sorry this took so long. It's a good reason. This chapter is like 70 pages long. But I didn't want to break it up because I feel the entire thing goes with the song! So it's L O N G. Please enjoy.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49903768326/in/dateposted-public/)

“I really don’t want to go home for Thanksgiving.”

Michael looked up. They were spread out on the futon working on algebra. “So don’t.”

“What?”

“Stay here with me. There’s no law that says you have to go home for Thanksgiving.”

Alex brightened. “You’re right. Thank you for being intelligent, sweetheart.”

Laughing, Michael leaned over to kiss him. “I try.”

“And normally succeed.” Alex picked up his phone. “I’m going to text my dad.”

_Alex: I’m not coming home for thanksgiving_

_ Alex: You dont need to come get me_

He didn’t actually think his father would respond, so he just put his phone down. His dad was awful about many things, and texting was one of the things he was awful about. A lot of times, he just didn’t respond, leaving the read receipt on the screen so Alex knew he’d seen it, but didn’t care enough to reply. He was surprised when his phone chimed.

_Dad: Good._

“Ouch, Dad.” Alex tried not to be hurt by the single-word text, but it really, truly hurt. “Okay, guess I know how he feels about me visiting.” He started to tear up in spite of his decision not to care. All he’d wanted his entire life was his dad to love him, and didn’t know why he was repeatedly disappointed when he was informed that was not the case.

“What did he say? Baby, are you crying?” He moved as fast as he could to Alex’s side of the futon to wrap him up in his arms. “It’s okay, baby.”

Alex just let the tears fall for a minute before he tried to talk, but instead just unlocked his phone and showed it to Michael.

Michael looked at the screen. “What an unbelievable _asshole.” _

“Sometimes I forget how much he hates me.”

“Still, that seems pretty harsh.” He rocked Alex back and forth a little. “I’m sorry, baby. He’s a dick. But you’ve got me, and Maria, and her mom, and Liz, and Rosa, and now Zoey, and Junko, and Jaime, Krista, and Jenny love you, you’re not alone.”

“Thank you,” he whispered. “I think this is a direct result of basically coming out to the entire fucking town on Facebook. He probably feels like I did it just to embarrass him.”

“Narcissistic abusers think everything is about them.”

Alex nodded. “I never thought about it that way, but you’re right.”

“We’ll just have our own Thanksgiving.” Michael ran his fingers through Alex’s hair. “This is the first year I’ve had anything to be thankful for.”

“Oh, that’s true. I actually hate Thanksgiving, it’s a celebration of white people fucking over Native Americans. We never had a big meal after my mom left until I learned how to cook in high school.”

“You made Thanksgiving dinner?”

“Yah, my junior and senior years. Dad was reluctantly impressed.”

That pulled a laugh out of Michael. “I’m also impressed. Do you want to make a turkey dinner here?”

“In that kitchen? Yah, no. You need an oven that maintains a temperature for that.” Their pies had barely survived the oven in the basement.

“I wonder how many people will still be here over break? Technically the dorms are closed, we have to let Carlos know we’re staying.”

“Probably not a lot. The exchange students on the 5th floor, probably, and a couple others. I know Maria and Zoey are going home.”

“So are Dean and Seamus.”

“We can have really loud sex if we want.”

Michael cracked up. “Of course you’d go there.”

“Of course. You’ve met me.”

“Yah, I’ve definitely met you.” He kissed Alex, happy that he seemed to be over his dad’s rejection. “We should plan for having food, though.”

“You know what might be fun? Finding out if there’s a Chinese place or sushi restaurant open and having a completely un-Thanksgiving-y Thanksgiving.”

“I’ve never had sushi.”

“I’ve only had it once, but I loved it.”

“Okay, yah, that sounds like a good plan. There are probably enough people in Albuquerque that would rather party with sushi than with a turkey to have open restaurants.”

“That’s what I was thinking. Something totally different. No bad memories for either of us. I mean, even if you hate sushi, we can always get McDonald’s or something, we won’t starve, and it will be a funny story to tell our grandkids.”

Michael laughed. “Hell, it will be a funny story to tell our friends.”

“It could be a children’s book. ‘The Alien Who Didn’t Like Sushi.’”

“Nah, the artist would get my hair wrong.” He grinned when Alex laughed. “Everyone thinks aliens are the little grey dudes with huge eyes.”

“I’m not saying those aliens aren’t around,” Alex explained while Michael laughed, “But you are a much more attractive alien than those. Much less creepy. But strangely still interested in anal probes, who knew?”

Now Michael was crying he was laughing so hard. “‘Anal probes’ are an alien thing?”

“Yah, haven’t you watched _South Park?” _

“If you’re using _South Park_ as a guide to alien behavior, I have some bad news for you.”

“_South Park_ shouldn’t be a guide to _anything_ oh my god it’s so horrible.” Alex wiped tears off his cheeks. 

“Quality entertainment.”

“I know.” Alex tried to pull himself together. “Okay, so we need to finish this then do our poems.”

“Any ideas on your poem?”

“Yah, actually, but it’s a surprise.”

“Oh really.”

Alex smiled. “Yep. I couldn’t think of anything better to write a poem about than you.”

“Aw shucks, darlin’.” Michael smiled when Alex laughed. “Let’s finish the algebra assignment.”

They worked diligently through the math problems. This late in the semester, it had become more challenging, and they helped each other through it. Still well within their abilities, and not actually _hard,_ but challenging and less boring. They both had advanced math classes to take and decided to try to get them together in the future, even if that meant getting another stupidly expensive graphing calculator.

“What do you have in algebra right now?”

“A 98% I think. You?”

“103% because I get extra credit for the study guides.”

“That’s so unfair,” Michael complained. “It doesn’t matter, though, they’ll just be A’s on the report card worth the same 4.0.”

“I know, just bragging because I’m a brat.”

“Fuck you,” he laughed. “You still owe me coffee for the last test when you got a 102%.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot! We can go get Starbucks after dinner if you want.”

“Sure. But I’ll probably get hot chocolate so I’m not up all night.”

“That’s a good idea. If you get a couple pumps of cinnamon dolce syrup it’s really good. Or mint syrup.”

“Both of those sound good. Maybe I’ll write my poem about hot chocolate instead of you, brat.”

Alex laughed. “Oh, so you’re writing about me?”

“What better topic for a poem is there than one’s adorable boyfriend?”

“Aw shucks, darlin’,” Alex copied, grinning when Michael laughed. “We’re gross.”

“Absolutely revolting.”

They cleaned up the algebra stuff and brought their computers and English notebooks to the floor. Alex opened his spiral and flipped to his notes. He’d written down some of the really sweet things they’d said to each other over the last few weeks and just needed to figure out how to put them in a format. “Hey, she said we can write haikus, right?”

Michael nodded. “Yah, I was thinking about doing one. Boil my emotions down into seventeen syllables.” 

Alex laughed. “They’re harder to write than longer forms, but I just feel like they’re more classy and stylish.”

“Oh my god, Alex,” Michael laughed, rolling his eyes. “‘Classy and stylish?’”

“Yah, more sleek, and streamlined. Even though it’s an ancient form of poetry it seems more modern than the unrhymed stuff that is coming out right now.”

“That’s one of the most _you_ explanations of something I’ve heard.”

“Thank you, thank you.”

He picked out phrases, and counted the syllables, and arrived at what, he thought, was a beautiful snapshot of his love for Michael. 

_Kissing you sweetheart  
Is not a means to an end  
And never will be._

He decided to just call it ‘To Michael’ instead of some deep name, since the sentiment of the poem really said it all. He looked over at Michael to make sure he wasn’t looking, then typed it up so he could submit it on Blackboard. “Done.”

“When do I get to hear it?”

“Not ‘til I get it back and know it’s A+ poetry.”

“Brat.” When Alex laughed he looked up. “Just for that, I won’t read you mine until I get it back.”

“Ugh, fine.”

Michael went back to his notes. He wanted this poem to express how much he loved Alex, and not just right now, but in the future, and forever. He’d been tempted to write a sonnet or something, but decided that a haiku would capture the essence of his love for Alex in a way that was a lot less silly and embarrassing than a long ass poem.

_With you the journey  
Is just as amazing as  
The destination._

“What should I call this?”

“‘Alex Manes is a Sexy Motherfucker.’” 

He burst out laughing. “Uh, no.” He decided ‘For Alex’ was a good enough title, and really expressed what he wanted to say, and he submitted the poem on Blackboard. “Done.”

“That was quick. I must not be worth much effort.” He gave Michael a sassy look so he’d know he was kidding.

“Yah, not much. I’ve just been working on this for weeks.”

Alex giggled. “Me too.” He grabbed his phone. I’m going to text mine to Maria and Liz.”

“I should send mine to the three amigos and see how much shit they give me.”

“You should.” He pulled up his message thread with Liz and Maria.

_Alex: Hey Liz we had to write poems for english _

_ Alex: I wrote mine about Michael _

_ Alex: Wanna hear it_

_ Alex: Read it_

_ Alex: Whatever_

_ Liz: Sure!_

_ Maria: OMG this is gonna be gross!_

Alex laughed. It was pretty gross.

_Alex: Its a haiku_

_ Liz: K_

_ Maria: I wrote free verse._

_ Alex: I wanted to write the essence of my love for him_

_ Alex: Cue dramatic music_

_ Liz: LOLOLOL_

_ Maria: Drama Queen. 👑_

_ Alex: Anyway_

_ Alex: ‘Kissing you sweetheart_

_ Alex: Is not a means to an end_

_ Alex: And never will be.’_

_ Alex: Thoughts?_

He waited a little bit for a response. 

_Liz: OH MY GOD THAT’S SO CUTE_

_ Liz: SO SWEET!_

_ Liz: I love it!_

_ Maria: Okay, I have to admit, that’s really good. Like, excellent, even._

_ Alex: Thanks!_

_ Liz: It’s really beautiful, good job. A+ for sure._

_ Alex: Thanks guys_

_ Alex: I’m not letting him see it til after we get them back_

“My friends are highly impressed with my writing abilities.”

“Mine are somewhat impressed but also roasting me.” 

“Sounds about right. Hey, you should send yours to Maria so she can also roast you.”

Michael laughed. “Sure, why not, I love emotional abuse.”

_Michael: Hey DeLuca do you want to hear my poem about Alex?_

_ Michael: No telling him about it until we get them back._

_ Maria: Yes! I’m expecting serious grossness._

_ Michael: It’s disgusting._

_ Michael: ‘With you the journey_

_ Michael: Is just as amazing as_

_ Michael: The destination.’_

_ Michael: I called it just ‘For Alex’._

He watched the dots for a minute.

_Maria: That is unbelievably beautiful, Guerin. I’m impressed. Super gross._

_ Maria: But I’m so glad that you love Alex that I don’t even care how gross it is._

Michael felt warm all over from the approval and kindness. 

_Michael: I gotta figure out the perfect time and place to tell him I love him._

_ Michael: He knows but I want it to be really memorable._

_ Maria: You guys are idiots. Just say it!_

_ Michael: No I feel like it won’t mean as much to say it the first time somewhere random._

_ Michael: Like the shower or our dorm room or the caf or something. Needs to be epic._

_ Maria: Ever considered that it’s the words that are epic, not the location?_

_ Michael: Nah 😜_

“I’m thoroughly roasted.” 

Alex laughed. “I can’t wait to hear a poem that inspires so much humiliation.”

“Well, praise and humiliation.” He grinned when Alex laughed. “I’m assured that my poem is really gross.”

“Oh good, that’s what I want in a poem.” He closed his laptop. “Officially done with homework for the night.”

“Congrats.” Michael had his planner open on his lap. “I don’t have anything due, either. Midterms are over, no homework to do, I feel like we should celebrate.”

“Can I ask you on a date? Do you want to get dinner and a movie instead of Starbucks?”

Michael felt warm all over. “That sounds great.” He closed his laptop and put his planner on top of it. “What’s playing?” 

“Not a lot, honestly.” Alex was scrolling on his phone. “Actually, this opened yesterday. Have you heard of _Slumdog Millionaire?”_

“Not before this moment, no.”

“Me either, the title just sounded interesting.” He smiled when Michael laughed. “It’s based on a book about a boy from the slums of Mumbai. He’s on a gameshow and he gets arrested for cheating, the movie is basically him telling his story to the police about his life.”

“As a person that grew up pretty neglected, I don’t know if I want to watch that.”

“Hmm.” He looked through the listings. “If you want something that’s more upbeat and a good date movie, _Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist._ It looks pretty cute, and it’s about the indie music scene, which I love.”

“I’m also a fan of dates, cute, and music, so that’s fine.” Michael stood up and put his stuff on his desk. “What do you want to do for dinner?”

“Do you want to go to the diner over by the Century Theater? French fries sound really good.”

“It’s so rare that you want junk food, I’m not going to miss an opportunity to get a good burger.”

“This sounds like an excellent plan. There’s a showing at 7:10, we can go get dinner now and head to the theater?”

“Put on pants.”

Alex stood and picked up his computer. “I don’t see why the palm tree pants can’t be a fashion statement.”

“Oh, they’re a statement.”

They were on the way to the truck when Alex got a text. He pulled out his phone. “Oh, it’s Maria.”

_Maria: Are you guys going to dinner soon?_

_ Alex: Actually were going on a date_

_ Alex: Dinner and a movie_

_ Maria: On a Thursday?_

_ Alex: Ya why not_

_ Alex: Were done with homework and tests_

_ Maria: Do you ever go out on the weekend?_

_ Alex: Duh yes_

_ Alex: This was spontaneous_

_ Alex: Just decided to go _

_ Maria: I’m impressed that you spelled spontaneous right._

_ Alex: I wish there was an eyeroll emoji_

_ Alex: Id use it all the time_

_ Alex: FOR YOU_

_ Maria: 😝_

“Maria is giving us crap for going on a date on a Thursday. Who cares?”

“Is there a night we’re supposed to go out?” Michael laughed.

“I guess we should go out on the weekends.”

“Well, sure, if you’re planning a date, but a spontaneous date just happens.”

“That’s what I told her!” Alex was laughing, too. “I feel like a spontaneous date is even better than a planned date. We just like each other, so we’re going out. Doesn’t matter what night it is.”

“Exactly.” 

Standard Diner was, well, a standard diner. It reminded Alex a lot of the Crashdown, it was just lacking in space-themed menu items. They both decided it was too cold for milkshakes, much to Alex’s dismay. Michael got a bacon double cheeseburger with guacamole and jalapenos on it with fries. Alex got a grilled chicken sandwich which he decided was dubiously healthier. Michael pointed out that the fries counteracted any health benefits from grilled chicken, and Alex reluctantly agreed that he was probably right. 

Alex was glad that they’d eaten a reasonably-priced meal before going to the theater, because concessions were ridiculously expensive. “When I went to the movies with Maria and Liz, we’d sneak in food and drinks in their purses.” 

“That’s brilliant. Maybe we should have asked DeLuca to come on our date.”

“Yah, no,” Alex laughed. “That makes it not a date.”

The movie was, as expected, very cute. It had been released a couple weeks earlier and not a lot of people were in the theater. Michael put his arm around Alex’s shoulders, and Alex scrunched down to put his head on his shoulder and hand on his thigh. There was a tacit agreement between them that they didn’t do anything naughty during a movie. Not only did they live together, defeating the purpose of going to a movie to be alone in the dark, they both would rather watch a movie than make out in public. Affection, yes; making out, no. Michael and Alex loved each other, and neither felt the need to prove it by sucking face in a movie theater. Privately, Michael felt that it was a waste of money to miss the movie. He was too thrifty to throw away the cost of the ticket. 

“I liked the movie.” Alex stretched as the credits rolled. “I wanna see if the soundtrack is on iTunes.”

“I liked it too.” He had liked it, but being with Alex was really the best part of the experience. “What time is it?”

“You have a phone, too, dork.” Alex stood and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “9:35. It’s not too late to get hot chocolate if you want.” He offered his hand to Michael and he took it to stand. 

“Hot chocolate sounds good, baby.”

They left the theater holding hands, not even really thinking about it. Michael noticed a couple of girls giggling and pointing, but ignored them, and didn’t mention it to Alex. He figured it would embarrass him and make him self-conscious. And Alex looked really beautiful tonight with his eyes lined with kohl and hair across his forehead. Just that little emphasis on his eyes was so damned attractive. He had such pretty eyes, and the eyeliner just made them look huge and amazing. 

Starbucks was empty at almost 10:00 on a Thursday, and they happily sat down to drink their hot cocoa, chatting about the movie and their classes for the next day. “This has been a fabulous date, thank you baby,” Michael said, reaching across the table to take Alex’s hand. “10/10 would date again.”

Alex laughed and squeezed Michael’s hand. “Good to know. You get to pick the next date.”

“I’ll have to think of something to top this, I’ll have to go a completely different direction, you’ve outdone yourself on cute.”

“I’ll look forward to it.” Alex would probably do anything Michael suggested for a date, he was great at finding cheap things to do for fun.

It was cold on the walk back to the dorms, and they hurried to get home. The room was warm, though, and they gratefully changed back into pajamas. Michael rubbed Alex’s back. “Wanna go to bed, baby? You have an early lab.” 

He nodded. “That sounds good. Snuggling sounds like a great way to finish up such a cute date.”

They climbed into Alex’s bed, and arranged themselves as usual, Alex with his head pillowed on Michael’s chest. Alex ached to tell Michael he loved him, but hesitated. He didn’t want Michael to feel like he had to say it back in a normal place like their bed. And he wanted to make it a little more spectacular. It was enough to know, and he knew Michael knew, and that was good for now. 

***

Alex looked up, surprised when Michael came back in after only being gone about half an hour. “Let me guess, no Tweedles.”

“You must be psychic.”

“Just my brilliant deductive reasoning. You’re back early and pissed off, ergo…” 

Michael flung himself into his desk chair. “Jaime and I got to the pizza place on time, and they weren’t there, not shocking, we texted, no responses, finally Jaime called Caden and he said he wasn’t going to classes tomorrow or next week, so there was no point in coming to study.”

“What the _actual_ fuck? Who starts Thanksgiving break the Friday before?”

“Idiotic, right? So I called Leon. He withdrew with F’s after he failed the midterm in physics.”

“Jesus fucking christ.” Alex rolled his eyes. “Well, if he was failing intro physics taking it the second time, he was doomed anyway.”

“Ain’t that the truth. Anyway, Jaime and I are going to meet at 11:00 tomorrow to make sure we’re good on the experiment.” 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I know it’s frustrating.” He got up from his chair and crossed the tiny space to plop down on Michael’s lap. “It’s not the end of the world, though. You and Jaime were already doing all the work.”

Michael nodded. “I know, I’m just pissed off.” He wrapped his arms around Alex and squeezed him tight, breathing in the combined scents of Gain laundry detergent, lavender body wash, and just Alex. His favorite perfume; it would always make him feel calm and centered. “You make everything better.” 

Alex felt his heart explode with how much he loved Michael at that moment. “You do the same for me, sweetheart.” He pressed his face into his soft hair and held him as tight as he could around the shoulders. “That’s the best thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“Oh no, I don’t know what I’ll have to say to top that,” Michael teased, happy that Alex giggled. He really did make everything better. “So I’m free for the afternoon and evening.”

“Wow, this is the second Thursday in a row!”

“Yah, the one time in his career Larry canceled lab, so we got to go on a date instead of me seeing the Tweedles.”

“Hey, you get three weeks without them, next week is break. And you’ll never have to see Leon again.”

“See? You make everything better.” He tipped his head up for a kiss and was happy when he was given one. “How much work do you have?”

“None that’s due today or tomorrow. Wanna go for a drive? Watch the sunset out in the desert?” Alex brushed the curls off Michael’s forehead. “We haven’t seen the sky in a while”

“It’s pretty cold.”

“Coats, gloves, scarves, blankets, sleeping bags? We can put on our UNM hoodies, the fleece is warm. Besides, I’ve gone camping over Thanksgiving break before, I can handle it being cold.”

“Your dad made you go camping in _November?”_

Alex laughed and carefully stood from Michael’s lap. “Flint was home on leave for a couple weeks between assignments, I think I was 12, so we did a survival training lesson out in the mountains. Kyle and his dad went too. It was actually a lot of fun.” He pulled his UNM hoodie on over his t-shirt. “I’ve done a lot of winter hiking, too.”

Michael was impressed. “You keep surprising me with all these hardcore manly things you’ve done.” He grinned when Alex laughed. “It must be the eyeliner throwing me off.”

Alex checked his eyeliner in the mirror. “I feel like all guys should be able to wear makeup if they want, regardless of sexuality or social group or whatever. Eyeliner makes your eyes look bigger. Bigger eyes are attractive to people.” He smiled when he felt Michael’s hands on his hips, and pulled his arms around him. 

“You look beautiful, baby. Eyeliner suits you. But when you wore lip gloss for the Halloween party I almost fainted from how hot that was.”

“Really?” He turned around and kissed Michael. “I can wear it more often, I just usually only do Chapstick on a daily basis.”

“You do you, don’t let me tell you how to look.” He happily accepted another kiss from the gorgeous boy in his arms. “You’re amazing, Alex.”

“I’m incredibly lucky that I found the one person in the world who thinks I’m amazing.” He grinned when Michael laughed and pulled away. “I’m glad we brought the sleeping bags and blankets in so they’re clean.”

“Yah really. After they dried out from the fall storms I didn’t know if they’d survive.”

“I don’t think I’d put them on display for a magazine, but they’re still perfectly functional.” 

They bundled up, grabbed the camping gear, and headed to the truck. It was cold, but not ridiculously so. Alex had a beanie in his coat pocket because he knew he was going to need one, and had brought a spare because he figured Michael would want one if he didn’t have it. 

The sun was just above the horizon when they got situated in a good spot with all the blankets. Michael had spread one of the sleeping bags on the bed of the truck to keep their butts from freezing, and they’d spread the other one over their legs before wrapping themselves in the blankets, backs against the cab of the truck. Alex thought that sharing body heat with Michael while he watched the colors paint the sky was as romantic and intimate as anything they’d done together. 

“No one does sunsets like New Mexico,” Michael murmured. “No picture I’ve ever seen can compare.”

Alex huffed out a small laugh. “Land of enchantment.” He leaned against Michael. “Part of what makes it enchanting is that I’m with you, sweetheart.”

Michael thought he should be embarrassed and amused by the ridiculous sappy sweetness of Alex’s statement, but was just filled with love. “You’re doing a pretty good job of making it enchanting for me, too, baby.” He couldn’t look away from Alex’s face for a minute, and they leaned in and kissed softly while colors streamed across the sky. 

They were quiet for a while, just watching the colors bleed from gold to orange to red to purple. Alex looked at Michael, the red light of the sun glowing on his cheeks and making a masterpiece out of his hair, and was just overwhelmed by how beautiful he was. _He is absolutely the most gorgeous being on this planet,_ he thought to himself. _ How could anyone look at him and not fall in love?_ It wasn’t just his looks, though. Michael had a beautiful soul, whether he believed in them or not. He’d had such a horrible childhood, been abused and neglected and tortured, and could have come out of it bitter and angry and destructive. Instead he was kind, and loving, and even if he was still depressed sometimes, he was letting Alex pull him out of it and find happiness. _ I love him. I love him with all of my heart and soul. I will love him for the rest of my life, and I know it. I loved him the minute we met and I love him more and more every day. He’s my soulmate, my perfect match, my entire world. _

Suddenly Alex realized that there would never be a more perfect moment than this one.

He bumped Michael with his shoulder.

Michael bumped back but didn’t say anything, caught up in contemplation of the pink and orange clouds.

Alex bumped him again, getting a soft laugh and bump back. On the third, Michael turned to look, smiling. “What?”

He smiled, knowing everything he felt was visible on his face. “I love you.”

Michael’s eyes widened, and he smiled, not just the loving, amused smile he’d had when Alex had bumped him, he felt a sense of relief and wholeness and contentment settle deep in his heart, and knew that all of his absolute adoration was visible on his face. “Since day one, darlin’. I’ve loved you since day one.”

Alex nodded, tears spilling down his cheeks. “Since day one.” He leaned at the same time Michael did, and their lips, chilled from the desert air, met in a kiss that was as warm as the night was cold. Crimson and violet and amber and vermillion were filling a sky transforming from cerulean to indigo, but none of it could ever compare to the pure light that Michael’s love had brought to his life. When Michael pulled away, Alex could see all the love he had shining in his honey-colored eyes. “I love you,” he whispered again.

“I love you too,” Michael whispered, grinning when the thrill just saying those words filled him with joy. He freed an arm to brush the wind-blown strands of Alex’s hair off his face. “It’s like something --”

“Cosmic,” Alex finished, kissing him again. 

As the sky filled with stars, Alex thought about Michael’s declaration that if his people came back to earth for him, he wouldn’t go unless he could come, too; he thought about how if Michael wanted to go to the stars, his only question would be what to take. _I’ll never leave him, and I know he’ll never leave me. We’re meant to be together. _

“Hey, more shooting stars, make a wish.”

Thoughts interrupted, Alex looked over at the boy he loved so much. “I don’t have a wish to make, sweetheart, there can’t be anything better than freezing my ass off in the desert with you.”

Michael laughed and shoved him playfully before pulling him in for a kiss. “I don’t have much left to wish for, either, baby.” He looked into Alex’s eyes, barely visible in the dark. “I love you more than anything in the world, Alex. I will love you for the rest of my life.”

“I love you so much,” Alex whispered in return. “Sometimes I almost can’t hold it all in.” He wrapped his arms around Michael, and felt the blankets arranging themselves around them to keep warm. “I’ve wanted to tell you for a really long time.”

“Me too. But I wanted it to be special. I mean,” Michael huffed a laugh, “I’m only ever going to be in love with one person, I wanted it to be epic.”

Alex laughed a little, eyes filling. “I wanted it to be special too. It’s the only first ‘I love you’ I’m going to have.”

“That sounds sad, doesn’t it? Instead of romantic?” Michael laughed a little. “Like, we know it’s because we’ll always be together, but to someone else it sounds like a suicide pact or something.”

“It’s pretty dramatic,” Alex laughed. “Maybe we shouldn’t share that part with anyone so they don’t think we’re completely insane.”

“Good idea.” Michael pressed another kiss to Alex’s smiling lips. He never wanted to stop, but it was around 30 degrees outside. “I think I’m officially too cold to hang out in the desert anymore.”

“Wuss.” Alex kissed him. “No, it’s really cold, let’s go home.”

They drove back to the dorms singing harmony on random 90’s songs, laughing about how much Maria would love it. Alex sat in the middle seat again, head on Michael’s shoulder, but the mood didn’t lend itself to messing around, and he had no desire to go there. Periodically Michael would take his hand off the wheel to squeeze Alex’s knee, and he leaned their heads together when he could. It was a longish drive back to town, and it was just an extension of the experience to drive the backroads into Albuquerque, singing together, like they were the only people in the world.

The room was warm, and they both quickly shed their layers. Unfortunately, it wasn’t romantic at all, because Dean and Seamus had a major gaming party in their room and Hannah and Emily were blasting music on the other side of the wall. Alex looped his arms around Michael’s shoulders, laughing softly. “So much for a touching, tender, intimate connection after our dramatic declarations of love and devotion.”

Michael laughed. “I have to confess that I was hoping for a touching, tender, intimate connection.” They laughed together for a minute. “We could write a romance novel.”

They both started when there was a knock at the door. When Alex opened it, it was Dean. “What’s up?”

“I need more players on my team, Seamus is actually winning, like he has friends or something.”

Alex cracked up. “Okay, it must be dire if Seamus is winning. Michael?”

“Come on, we can’t let Seamus win.”

“Felicity is on _his_ team.” Dean sounded scandalized. 

They both laughed. “Okay, okay. Let’s go.” Michael followed the other two out the door.

It was ridiculously late when they went to bed, and Alex knew he’d regret all of his life choices when he had to get up for lab in the morning. “As much as I’d like to have a touching, tender, intimate connection, it’s after 1:00 and it’s not happening.”

Michael laughed as they cuddled up in bed. “We have time.” He gave Alex a lingering kiss. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too,” Alex whispered. “So much.” He felt Michael kiss the top of his head. “Night.”

“Night.”

***

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving was the craziest day of the semester, and Alex was highly amused. People were restless and distracted in class, loud in the halls, and half the doors on the second floor were open with people dragging suitcases and laundry out. Laundry was actually free in Laguna De Vargas, so this was 100% people wanting their moms to do their laundry for them. He laughed silently; Alex had learned to do his own laundry when he was like 10. 

He let himself into 214 after computer science to find Michael stretched out on what he now thought of as their bed, with all of the pillows and blankets, book in hand. He made an adorable picture, and Alex giggled he was so delighted. “Hi sweetheart, how was class?”

Michael dropped the book on his chest and held out both arms, beckoning his boyfriend to join him. “Half the class didn’t show, so everyone who did got an automatic five points of extra credit.”

“That’s awesome,” Alex enthused, tossing his coat over his desk chair and toeing off his shoes. “Wait, that means you have a higher grade than me in algebra now, doesn’t it?”

“You’re at 102% after the midterm? I’m now at 103%.” Michael made no attempt not to sound smug. 

Alex climbed up onto the bed and up Michael’s body, giving him a long, sweet kiss. “So you owe me coffee?”

“Uh, no, that was not the agreement,” he laughed as Alex situated himself. He lifted up the blankets so his boyfriend could get cozy and snuggle. “This extra credit was pure serendipity.” 

“Fine, don’t take your boyfriend to coffee, see if I care.”

Michael laughed. “I will absolutely take you for a coffee date, baby.” He sent his book to his desk mentally, and sighed happily as Alex cuddled up against him. “How was computer science?”

“Nobody skipped, I guess when it’s a class in your major you’re less likely to bail so you can go home early.” He slipped his hand under Michael’s shirt so he could feel his warm skin. “Dr. Morrow emailed me that _she’s_ going home early and canceled my lesson.”

“Sweet, we have the whole afternoon together with no homework, no tests to study for, and pretty soon, no neighbors.”

“Before we get down to really hardcore snuggling,” Alex began as Michael laughed, “I need to remind you that the dining hall closes for the weekend at 2:00, and that your boyfriend is, as usual at this time of day, starving, so we should go eat lunch.”

“Okay, let’s snuggle for like ten more minutes, then we can go eat.” He accepted a kiss from Alex, who promptly squeezed him. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” He paused for a moment. “That will never get old.”

“No, never.” He held Alex tight. “Knowing you love me will probably get me through anything.”

“Yah, me too. Even talking to my dad won’t seem as bad.”

“I hope you know I’m never going to let you be alone with him again.”

Alex nodded against Michael’s shoulder. “I know, you didn’t even have to say it. I don’t want to be alone with him ever again. I really don’t want to see him ever again, but I figure my brothers will probably invite him to their weddings so I’ll have to deal with him for a couple days for those.”

“Are any of them getting married soon?”

“Huh uh, but Chris said Flint’s had the same girlfriend for five years now and nobody knew.”

“Is she military too?”

“Yah. They met when they were both deployed, she’s in medical.”

“Do your other brothers have girlfriends?”

“Chris doesn’t, but I haven’t asked Evan. I’ll text him later. He’s less of an asshole than the other two, although Chris and Flint were both nice to me the last time we talked.”

“Chris even accepted you’re gay.”

“I know, so weird.”

Alex heard his phone chime and reached into his pocket to pull it out.

_Maria: Mom’s here and wants to take us all to lunch!_

_ Maria: Are you starving?_

_ Alex: Have you met me?_

“Mimi wants to take us for food.”

“I’m on board with that.”

_Alex: Give Michael a chance to put on pants then well be ready_

_ Maria: Do you guys ever wear pants?_

_ Alex: Not if we can help it_

_ Maria: LOL! Okay, five minutes. We’ll come downstairs._

_ Alex: k_

“Okay, gotta get up, you have to wear pants to lunch.”

Michael tossed the blankets back to reveal his bare legs. “Yah, it’s a little cold to run around in just my boxers.”

“You mean _my_ boxers.”

“Your underwear are so much nicer than mine. Not to mention newer.”

“I’m teasing you, you can wear them any time that I’m not currently in them.”

He put on public appropriate jeans and an oversized maroon hoodie of Alex’s that he thought was too big. “It’s really comfy, I love it.” _I love wearing Alex’s clothes._

“You look cute in it. It suits you.” _ I love seeing Michael in my clothes._ “And it’s only fair because I’m wearing your blue t-shirt under my sweater.”

Michael laughed. “I thought that was my shirt.” He tugged on the collar of Alex’s grey sweater to expose more of the sky blue. “Blue looks pretty on you.”

“Aw shucks, darlin’,” Alex copied, grinning when Michael laughed. “Thank you sweetheart.” He checked his makeup in the mirror. “My eyeliner is on point today.”

“Maria said it looked good in English.”

Alex grabbed the tube of lip gloss off the dresser and applied some to his already pink lips. It was clear with a tiny bit of shimmer, just enough to make it obvious that he was wearing makeup without changing his overall appearance. “I’m ready if you’re ready, sweetheart.” Knowing he’d want to reapply it after lunch, he slipped the tube into his pocket with this phone. 

“Oh no, baby, why’d you have to do that to me when I’m gonna have to be cool in front of Maria and her mom?”

“What?” He turned to look at Michael and laughed at the look on his face. “Oh no, the lip gloss! Whatever will you do, dearest?”

“When you call me ‘dearest’ it makes me want to use other old fashioned words, like say I’m going to ‘ravish’ you instead of jump your bones.”

Alex cracked up. “I’m too faint with hunger to be ravished in the 30 seconds before Maria knocks on the door.” Maria promptly knocked on the door. “See?”

Michael answered it while Alex put on his coat. “Hi Mama DeLuca.” He gratefully accepted a hug. “Is it okay for me to call you that since Alex does?”

She patted his cheek. “Of course, sweet child. You can call me anything you like.” She held him at arm’s length. “You are so much happier than the last time I saw you. You radiate happiness.”

“It’s hard not to when Alex loves me.”

“He was meant for you, you know. Stars aligned to ensure it.”

“Whoa, really?”

Mimi nodded. “Yes, from years and years past, events have been in order to bring you together.” She smiled at him warmly. 

“Did you know the first time you saw me?”

“When I read your palm, yes. But you were already in love.”

Michael laughed breathlessly. “I was.”

She patted his cheek again. “So was Alex. I could already see the stars in his eyes.”

“Mom, are you creeping Guerin out with weird predictions? Cuz that’s my job.”

They all laughed as Alex was shutting the door. “You never give us weird predictions anymore.”

Maria looked at Alex. “I have weird predictions I can share. I just thought they were best kept to myself.”

“Does that translate to ‘partying too much to be psychic’?” Alex asked mildly. 

“Hush.”

Lunch was a Chinese buffet, something Michael had never really understood, even though he’d seen signs for Chinese buffets while driving. He’d never been taken to one, though, and could only imagine the utter glee his younger self would have felt having access to unlimited quantities of food, if only for one night. “This is amazing,” he murmured to Alex. “I feel like a tourist, I’ve never gone to a buffet before.”

“We have one in Roswell, but we came here for lunch during preregistration this summer.”

“I wish I’d bumped into you then, we could have fallen in love at first sight and then you could have invited me to lunch.” _I was pretty damned hungry._

Alex stifled a laugh. “Can you picture it? Me taking you over to Mimi and Maria and saying, ‘I love him, can I keep him?’ like you were a lost puppy?”

In response, Michael gave Alex his best puppy dog eyes. “Are these effective?”

“Oh god, they totally would be. But you haven’t seen mine, so prepare yourself. I’m impossible to resist.” 

“Mine are limited by being light brown. Puppy dog eyes really have to be dark brown.”

“Your eyes are beautiful. Like sunlight through a bottle of honey.”

“Bear-shaped honey?”

“Duh.” 

Michael learned that not everyone could get food at once because someone had to watch the purses and they needed to be sure no one cleaned off the table prematurely. “I had no idea there were so many regulations for buffets.”

“People who carry purses think of these things,” Maria informed him. “No one wants their purse stolen, and no one wants their soda taken before they’re done.”

Michael and Alex sat at the table while Mimi and Maria filled up their plates. “Are there any other buffet rules I need to know?” Michael asked, rubbing Alex’s shoulder just for the chance to touch him.

“Get a clean plate every time, save room for dessert because there’s soft serve ice cream, and I can’t set my dirty fork on the table when they come to take the plates, so I always get a knife even if I don’t need it so I can prop the fork on top while I go get another serving.” He rolled his eyes. “And nothing is good for you, so don’t attempt to make good choices, there are none.”

“Aw, baby,” Michael laughed, “You’ll just have to eat junk with the rest of us.”

“Delicious junk,” Alex agreed. 

When it was their turn, Michael confessed that he had no idea what to get. “I don’t know what most of these foods even are.”

“Fried rice is delicious, start with that.” He waited while Michael put some on his plate. “I’m definitely getting broccoli beef. Anything with the brown sauce is going to be savory and the best thing ever, in my opinion.”

Michael laughed and added some to his plate. “What’s this?” 

“General Tsao’s chicken, it’s spicy. They also have sesame chicken-” Alex pointed, “-which is sweet. I like them both.” He added a small scoop of each to his plate. “Orange chicken is good, too.”

“What’s this one with the clearish sauce?” It looked good, it had tons of vegetables. 

“It’s good too, more mild. I like it because I love zucchini.” He picked out a couple extra pieces for his serving, then ladled some onto Michael’s plate. “Let’s grab some egg rolls and then I think our plates will be full.” 

When they sat back down, Michael saw that Maria and Mimi had totally different stuff. “Tell me about your food since Chinese cuisine is a mystery to me.”

Maria pointed to the noodles on her plate. “Lo mein, very standard Chinese buffet food. Salty, tastes mostly like soy sauce, good for eating with other things.” She moved to the next area. “Sweet and sour shrimp, it’s exactly what it sounds like, it’s my favorite.” 

“These are a completely American food, they’re wontons filled with cream cheese and green onions. You dip them in the sweet and sour sauce.” She immediately demonstrated. “A guilty pleasure.” 

They happily worked their way through the mountains of sodium, carbs, and fat, Michael and Alex each making more trips for savory foods, Maria making several trips for desserts, and all three of them eating ice cream like it was an Olympic event to be powered through. “Mimi I’m glad you didn’t eat as much as me and Michael or you’d fall asleep driving home.”

Maria rubbed her stomach. “I’m going to fall into a food coma on the drive home.”

Michael shook his head, thinking about all the times he’d gone hungry in his life, never knowing that there were places that would give him all the food he wanted for so little money. “Is that your food baby? What are you going to name it?”

“Ugh, Teri, for all the teriyaki chicken I ate.” She laughed along with the rest of the table. “You don’t know how much I’m looking forward to a bubble bath when I get home. I’m having bath withdrawals.”

“Me too,” Alex agreed. “And your tub is so much deeper than mine.”

“That’s why you take baths any time you spend the night.”

“You like bubble baths?” Michael asked. When Alex nodded, he smiled. “That’s adorable.”

Alex felt himself blushing. “Shut up.”

“Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it, Guerin. Candles? Bubbles? Maybe cucumbers on your eyes? Perfect night.”

“You forgot the wine,” Alex corrected.

“Oh yes, a glass of wine helps.”

“That does sound extremely relaxing,” Michael laughed. “The last bath I took was when I was like 8? I’ve been taking showers since then.”

“You’re missing out.” Alex took Michael’s hand where it was resting on the table. “I kinda think sharing a bath is romantic?”

“I will happily share a bath with you when we have access to a tub, baby.”

“Gross.” 

“Shut up, you’re just jealous you don’t have a guy to take a bath with.”

“You’re welcome to use our bathtub when you visit Michael,” Mimi interrupted before Maria could continue the argument with Alex. “Do you have a favorite scent? We have a lot of different bubbles and bath salts.”

_That’s an easy question._ “Lavender.”

Alex blushed. “Because that’s what I smell like?”

“Yah.”

“Oh my god, so gross, let’s go, Mom, before I lose my lunch.”

Mimi and Maria both got out of the car at Laguna Hall to give the boys hugs. “There are some surprises for you up ahead, be open to them, and know that more people love you than you think.”

“Oh, thanks, Mimi.” Alex gave her a lopsided smile. “Good surprises? Bad surprises? Michael-related surprises?”

She patted his cheek. “You’ll find out.” She pulled away. “He loves you.”

Alex nodded. “I know. I love him too.”

“Trust that. You’re right, it’s cosmic.”

Alex looked at her with wonder, he’d never told her he thought their connection was cosmic.

She hugged Michael too. “Being honest with him won’t push him away. He’d rather you be happy than you please him.”

Michael looked at her, concerned. “What the hell?”

“That’s not a prediction, if you don’t like sushi just tell him.”

Michael laughed, relieved. “Oh, thanks. I have an adventurous palate, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

They waved as Mimi and Maria drove away. “Did she give you any predictions?”

Alex nodded. “Apparently there are surprises in my future and more people love me than I know.” 

“How could anyone _not_ love you?”

“You’d be surprised.” Alex opened the door for the group of people coming out with piles of stuff, then waited while Michael walked inside. “Did she say anything to you?”

“I radiate happiness, stars aligned for you to be born for me, and if I don’t like sushi I should just tell you.”

The lobby was pretty crowded, but Alex tugged Michael to him and kissed him softly. “You do radiate happiness now.”

“Ugh, get a room you two.” 

They both laughed as Seamus walked toward them pulling a rolling suitcase and a rolling laundry hamper. “We’ve got a room, Seamus, doesn’t stop us from kissing outside of it.”

“Some people,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“You’re still jealous because you don’t have a girlfriend,” Alex commented dryly.

“Still focusing on my studies, thank you.” He shook his head when they both laughed. “Have a good holiday, gents.”

“Have fun at home, dude,” Michael answered, only a little jealous that his friend had a home to go to. He had Alex. That was enough. _He’s more than enough. He’s everything._

It was warm but dim in the room, cloudy skies and closed blinds keeping it dark. “I know we have the entire afternoon with no neighbors to have loud sex, but I’m seriously going to drop into a food coma the minute we get in bed.”

Michael laughed, but had to agree. “Dude, me too. Let’s sleep.”

“I’ve always loved taking naps, but they’re infinitely better with you.” Alex pulled off his sweater, leaving Michael’s shirt on, and put on flannel pants after he divested himself of his jeans. “You are the most amazing person on the planet, for so many reasons, but--” he paused to laugh when Michael did, “--but currently, the reason is that you keep me so warm during naps.”

“I’m glad I can be of service.” Michael left on Alex’s hoodie with his pajama pants. He’d probably get hot, but didn’t want to take it off. “We should take my temperature and see what it actually is.”

“Hey, let’s do it, just for reference.” Alex got the clean thermometer from his desk drawer. “Open up.”

They waited for the thermometer to beep, and Michael pulled it out of his mouth. “106.9.”

“That’s like, convulsions and brain damage for humans, and most likely death.” 

“Maybe the thermometer doesn’t go any higher,” Michael mused.

“We’ll have to hold it against something really hot later, like the lightbulb in one of our lamps.” Alex grinned. “There’s a scene in _E.T._ where Elliot puts the thermometer against his light to convince his mom to let him stay home from school to help E.T. How appropriate.”

“Have you seen _every_ movie about aliens?”

“Quite possibly.” He yawned. “Nap time, alien/boyfriend/space heater.”

Michael laughed. “I feel so used.” He pulled himself up onto the bed while Alex used the ladder. “Alex, you have good upper body strength, why don’t you ever try to pull yourself up?”

“Huh, I don’t know.” He considered it. “My ribs were broken when I got here, and it just never occurred to me to try it. Next time we get in bed I’ll see if I can.”

They cuddled up under the mound of blankets. “Maria’s never getting this blanket back.” Michael rubbed the fluffy black fabric against his face. “It’s too soft.”

“Agreed.” He wrapped himself around Michael. “I love you so much.”

Michael essentially imitated an octopus, making Alex laugh. “I love you too.” He smacked a kiss on Alex’s forehead. “When Mimi said I radiated happiness, I told her that it was because you loved me. She said she knew I was the one for you when she read my palm, but knew I was already in love with you.”

“She told me to trust how much we love each other.” Alex paused while they rearranged themselves to no longer be entwined cephalopods. “It feels really good to have an adult validate it, y’know? Like, teenagers fall in and out of love all the time, and most of the time actual adults brush relationships off because they know they won’t last. Mimi completely believes we’re solid. She even told me our connection was cosmic, even though I’d never told her that.”

Michael nodded and kissed Alex’s hair. “Yah, it feels good. It sorta confirms it in a way? Like, I 100% believed we’d be together, but for someone on the outside to say we’re meant to be makes it more real.”

“It does.” Alex sighed contentedly. “I’m so happy. I probably radiate happiness, too.”

“You do. I know things won’t always be this easy for us, and we’ll have fights and go through rough patches and things will put stress on us, but right now, this is...really good.”

Alex nodded against his collar bone. “It’s just reality, we’ll eventually get mad at each other. And when crap is happening, we might take the stress out on each other. But I’m so completely committed to us that I’ll always work to make things better.”

“Me too, baby.” He chuckled when Alex took his hand and moved it to his head. “Want me to play with your hair?”

“Mhm.” He hummed happily as Michael began working his fingers through it. “Feels good.”

“I love your hair.” 

“Mm.”

Chuckling, Michael ghosted a kiss over the dark strands again, content to let Alex fall asleep with his hand in his hair. _I can’t wait to see his hair when it’s really long. I bet it’ll be pretty._

It wasn’t long before Michael drifted off, too. 

Alex woke first with his head on Michael’s chest, and just listened to him breathe. Usually Michael woke up first, whether it was a nap or a weekend morning. It was peaceful, just laying in bed with him, seeing red light peeking in around the blinds, and sharing warmth under the blankets. It was actually a little too warm, since they had three blankets and were both wearing pajamas, but Alex didn’t want to move and disturb his sleeping boyfriend. He wasn’t remotely hungry yet, and had to assume it was the vague need to use the bathroom that had woken him up. It definitely wasn’t urgent enough to move. Moving seemed like a lot of unnecessary work.

He was just contemplating trying to get down without waking up Michael when the boy in question stretched and let out a very satisfied noise. “You’re already awake?”

“I know, weird.” Alex moved so he could give Michael a little kiss. “I have to get down, I was trying to decide if I could do it without waking you up.”

“Yah, probably not.” Michael sat up when Alex did. “I had funny dreams, come back so I can tell you.”

“Okay.” 

By the time Alex came back, Michael had to go, and they switched places in the bathroom before getting back in bed. Alex tried pulling himself up on the bedrail like Michael usually did, and he did indeed have the strength to do it. “Bed gymnastics, it could be an Olympic event.”

Michael laughed. “I think they usually call bed gymnastics porn and don’t broadcast it on TV.” 

Alex cracked up and cuddled back up to Michael under the blankets. They’d removed one layer since they were a little hot. “I’m pretty sure attempts at gymnastics on beds lead to lots of broken bones among little kids.” 

“That’s true.” He leaned over to Alex as he got situated, asking for a kiss, and got one. “So my weird dreams.”

“Okay, weird dreams. Good weird? Bad weird?”

“Absurd weird.” He laughed when Alex did. “I’ve had plenty of shitty dreams over the years, usually vivid and horrible and I wake up crying. I, like, never remember my non-nightmare dreams. They’re apparently just brain static. But these were both vivid and not nightmares.”

“Interesting.”

“It started like a lot of my dreams, I’m in a cave and I don’t know where I am and I’m scared. When I leave the cave it’s dark and there are stars but they’re all wrong. I don’t know where to go.”

“That’s scary. Is it about when you hatched?”

Michael nodded. “Yah. But in my dreams the other kids are never there, I’m all alone.” He shivered and was happy when Alex squeezed him. “This time, though, when I went outside it was sunset, not night, and the sky was kinda like the other night in the desert, but the clouds were more like cotton candy than clouds, and everything was a little hazy.”

“Were you scared?”

“No, I was just confused. It was weird. I picked a random direction to start walking. Usually in these dreams the desert just goes on forever and I never find anyone and I start to panic. But this time I found Maria’s mom.”

“Oh, that’s way better.”

“Yah, dream me was really relieved. I wish she’d been in my other dreams.”

“Mimi is really nice. She’s been my mom for years.”

“In the dream she was talking to me, but instead of hearing words, I was seeing symbols coming out of her mouth kinda like music notes, but weird. Almost like hieroglyphics. It was trippy as fuck, and dream me was freaked out.”

“Dude, we have to let Mimi analyze this dream.”

“She does that?”

“Yah. It’s cool. What next?”

“The symbols kinda wrapped around me and swept me away, I was scared for like a second before I realized I was flying. The cotton candy clouds looked like they were so close I could touch them. I looked down and saw a dark spot on the sand and decided to look closer, and suddenly I was _on_ the ground. I was at the little spring in the desert, but there was a real stream and a little pond. The water was super clear and I looked into it, but I stopped being able to tell where the air ended and the water started and I fell in. I was terrified, but then I could breathe underwater.”

“This is a detailed fucking dream.”

“I know, right?” Michael laughed a little. “It’s crazy.”

“So now you can breathe underwater in the very clear, small pond.”

“Right. But then the pond was like an ocean, and I needed to get across the water, and I couldn’t. No matter how hard I swam, I didn’t get any closer to shore. By the way, I can’t swim, so this is a moot point.”

“I’ll teach you how to swim this summer, sweetheart.”

“Where?”

“Pretty much every apartment complex has a pool.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.” Michael smiled. “That sounds awesome.”

“So now you’re in the ocean.”

“Yah, I was trying to get across the ocean to the shore, and there was a storm, and you know how much I love storms.”

Alex stroked a hand through Michael’s tousled curls. “It’s okay.”

“Yah, I was starting to panic again, and then there was a tree bending over the water, and it helped me grab its branches, like it was wrapping around me and lifting me out of the water, and it set me on the bank.”

“Was it a willow tree?”

“Yah, I think so.”

“It was me! I saved you.”

Michael was stunned for a second. “Can that happen?”

“Yah, of course, your subconscious knows me and that my middle name means ‘willow’. Willow trees always grow near water. If you plant them by your house, they’ll tunnel into your plumbing to get to the water.”

“Huh. I like the idea that you saved me.”

“I like the idea that I saved you. What happened next?”

“I think the tree really was you, baby, a bird came and dropped a feather, and I knew I could use it to fly away, but I was conflicted because I wanted to be safe under the tree.” 

“Aw! But Mimi told you that you were meant for the sky! Did you fly away?”

“Yah, and it was even better than flying with the symbols because I had wings. The sun was setting though and I knew I couldn’t fly in the dark so I decided to land. But I landed on a cloud.”

“I’ve dreamed about touching clouds before. Was it fluffy?”

“It was just like cotton candy, it was even sticky.”

Alex laughed. “That’s hilarious. Did you eat the cloud?”

It was Michael’s turn to laugh. “No, that would have been a great idea for dream me, I love cotton candy and I’ve only had it like twice.”

“We’re totally going to the fair to get cotton candy when it’s in town.”

“It’s a date. Can we ride rides?”

“Duh.” Alex laughed when Michael did. “So you’re on the cotton candy cloud, but you didn’t eat it. What did you do?”

“I was looking down over the edge of the cloud, because I knew I needed to get back on land before it was all the way dark, and I saw my doodle drawn in the sand.”

“Your doodle?”

“Yah, remember when I told you I had a doodle I’d been doing all my life but I didn’t know where it came from? It was on the ground, and I could see it clearly.”

“Oh, wow. Do you think it’s from your home?” 

“I’ve always wondered if it was, like, why else would I know it? It doesn’t have any kind of reference to stuff on Earth, not even any like, petroglyphs from Native Americans.”

“Will you draw it for me? After you finish telling me your dream.”

“Sure.”

“So you see your doodle, what do you do?”

“I knew I needed to get down there, so I jumped off the cloud and sorta floated down, I didn’t have wings anymore but I wasn’t falling, either. I never reached the bottom, I started to feel sleepy while I was drifting toward the ground and went to sleep. When I opened my eyes, I was actually awake.”

Alex cocked his head to the side, brow furrowed. “If you were Native American, I’d call that spirit walking or something, but you’re not. I don’t think that was a dream, though. Or, well, not just a dream.”

“Do you think it was, like, a vision?”

He nodded. “It probably won’t make sense until you need the information you learned in the dream.”

“Have you had dreams like that before?”

“Twice. I wrote them down in my journal, I can pull it out when we get out of bed.”

“I didn’t know you kept a journal.”

Alex shrugged. “I don’t write in it every day or anything, I used to use it for song lyrics and poetry and stuff, but I had two vision quest type dreams last year, so I wrote them down so Mimi could analyze them for me.”

“Whoa, really? What did she say?”

“I’ll get my journal, you get a pencil and paper, we’ll meet back here.”

Michael laughed as he jumped off the side of the bed. “I have the doodle in my ship notebook.”

Alex dug through his desk, and found the leatherbound book under everything in the bottom drawer. “I warn you, some of these poems are really terrible.”

“I won’t judge you for being emo, baby.”

“No, even bad for being emo,” he answered, laughing. “I figure one good poem happens for every, like, ten really stupid ones.”

“We didn’t read each other our poems from English.”

“I know we were waiting for Dr. Dishman to grade them, but do you want to hear yours now? I should write it in my journal to counteract all the depressing shit I was writing last summer.”

“Let’s get back in bed, then you can share. Do you want water?”

“Yah, thanks.” He took the two bottles that levitated their way onto the bed and set them aside for Michael to climb up. “All that salty food, then the nap, I’m like, really thirsty.”

“I know you’re usually thirsty after a nap.” They got back under the blankets, sitting up more this time so they could write, and took long drinks of their water. “Okay, first things first, I want to hear the poem.”

“Okay. Ahem.” He smiled when Michael laughed softly. “Here it is.

_“Kissing you sweetheart  
Is not a means to an end  
And never will be.”_

Michael’s eyes widened, and he smiled, unbelievably touched. “That’s beautiful, baby. You said those words to me.”

Alex nodded, and leaned over to kiss Michael gently. “I wanted you to remember them.”

“I always will, now.” He wiped suspicious wetness from the corner of his eye. “Do you want to hear mine?”

“Of course.”

“Ahem.” He grinned when Alex laughed. “Okay.

_“With you the journey  
Is just as amazing as  
The destination.”_

Alex didn’t try to pretend he wasn’t going to cry. “Michael, oh my god. That’s amazing, you wrote that for me?”

“Only you.”

“You said that to me.” He wiped his cheeks. “That the journey is just as good as the destination with me.”

“It’s true, baby. I love you.”

“I love you too, oh my god.” Alex dropped his journal to throw his arms around Michael. “That’s beautiful, sweetheart. Thank you so much.” He pulled away enough to kiss him. “And even if it wasn’t sweet, that’s fucking A+ quality usage of the haiku format, Michael.”

“I’m pretty proud of it.”

“You should be!” He kissed Michael one more time. “Don’t be shocked if she reads that in class or something, it’s, like, mega perfect.”

“And here I thought I’d stand out for math and science in college.”

“You have a 103% in algebra, you’re standing out.” Alex flipped open his journal. “I’m going to write our haikus in here so I don’t lose them or forget them.” 

Michael noticed drawings taped or glued onto the pages. “Wait, did you draw those, baby?”

Alex opened the journal to a picture of two boys laying in a pile of leaves. “No, I just printed it. It’s two characters I shipped in an anime. I wrote a poem about the picture.”

“‘Shipped?’”

“It means you want them to be in a relationship. The anime isn’t about relationships at all, and there aren’t any overt signs of them being interested in each other, but that didn’t stop half the internet. Or me.”

“Can I read the poem?”

He passed the book to Michael. “I’m a little proud of this one.”

Michael appreciated that Alex’s handwriting was fairly neat. 

_To me, you’re like autumn leaves:  
That bitter tang in the back of my throat,  
More a taste than a smell  
But too beautiful to regret,  
And too bright to let go.  
I welcome the chill that releases them.  
And despite the discomfort (I know I complain),  
I’m sad when you’re not here.  
Just like the last, colorful leaves of fall  
As they fade to brown,  
And hide beneath the snow. _

“Holy fuck, Alex.” He just stared for a second. “That’s beautiful.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“You should be proud, that’s really good. I can see how much you like Dickinson and Whitman in this.”

“Really?”

Michael nodded. “This is really good.”

“Well, don’t read the one on the next page, it’s a depressed rant about a website I liked being taken down.”

“Really?” Michael flipped the page and Alex groaned. He scanned it. “If you hadn’t specifically told me it was about a webpage being taken down, I wouldn’t have guessed, it’s pretty bitter though. What was on the website?”

“Illegal scans of manga artwork.” He shook his head when Michael laughed. “It seems really dumb now, but last year when it happened? I was holding onto my sanity by a thread, this was a straw shy of breaking the camel’s back.”

“I get that.” Michael thumbed through the pages. “Is this another poem about a picture?”

“Yah, but it’s terrible, don’t look at it.” He turned the page as Michael laughed. “Oh, I forgot I stuck this in here.” Alex tugged the photograph out of the spine of the book. “It’s Liz, Maria, and I on the first day of 6th grade.”

“You guys were ridiculously cute.”

“Look, there’s Max and Isobel in the background,” he pointed out. “And there--” he pointed to the other side, “--is Kyle with his mom, she’s in uniform.” 

Michael’s eyes were drawn back to Max and Isobel with a woman that had to be their mom. “Did you know Max and Isobel then?” Just like with the prom picture, he felt an affinity, but couldn’t understand _why._ They were just ordinary kids, with backpacks that were a little too big and casual clothes. Isobel was wearing a dress with a pattern he couldn’t quite make out, and Max was in shorts and a t-shirt. They were just talking to their mom, nothing special. They were fairly far from the camera and not the focus of the picture, so he couldn’t read their expressions, or even see their faces clearly. 

Alex shook his head. “No, they went to a different elementary school than we did. Their family has a little bit more money than the rest of us.”

“I just assumed Roswell had one school.”

“It’s not _that_ small,” Alex laughed. “But there’s only one middle and high school. When they built the new high school, instead of calling it Roswell High again, they decided to call it New Roswell High, which is dumb as fuck, but I have a hoodie emblazoned with that logo in the closet.”

“Is that mascot an alien?”

“Shockingly, no,” Alex laughed. “I think there’s a cow on the hoodie, though.”

It was Michael’s turn to laugh. “Okay, here.” He passed the journal back to Alex. “Let me show you my doodle.” He opened his most recent notebook of schematic drawings for spaceships. “I put the design somewhere in every notebook I start. These,” he pointed to the pages, “Are my newest designs, and I put the doodle here on the inside of the front cover.”

“You’ve shown me your drawings before, were you hiding the doodle?”

He nodded. “Nothing against you, it’s just--”

“It’s second nature. It’s a secret you have to keep.”

“Yah.” He opened the cover of the notebook and held it out to Alex. “I have no idea what it is. I’ve just always known how to draw it.”

Alex looked closely at the drawing. It was three circles, each with a different symbol inside, on arms radiating from a triangle. Michael had shaded the design so that it had areas of light and dark, and was almost jumping off the page. “This is really cool,” he murmured, tracing his fingers lightly over the image. “You should get it tattooed. It’s from your home. No one else would know.”

“I want to, but I’m afraid that if the government knows about us, and they probably do, if someone sees this on my body, it would be obvious I’m an alien.”

“I hadn’t thought about that.” Alex looked at him with wide, concerned eyes. “But you could get it on your back, or on the inside of your arm, a place that’s easily hidden.”

“My ribs maybe?”

“That’s, like, the most painful place on your body to get a tattoo.”

“That makes sense. No padding.” He looked at the pale skin on the inside of his right arm. “We could both get tattoos on our arms.”

“That would be cool.”

Michael turned the pages of his notebook slowly, looking at the increasingly detailed designs for parts of ships that he had always hoped could take him home. “I used to want to build a spaceship to get the fuck off this planet.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“I still want to build a spaceship, but I think I might set my sights on Mars until I figure out where I’m from. If I can.”

“Do you think any of your designs could work for going to Mars?”

“Not yet, not really,” he admitted reluctantly. “That’s why I’m becoming an engineer. To see if I can ever make these drawings reality.”

“I have faith in you, sweetheart.” Alex pressed a kiss to Michael’s cheek. “You have so many details in here, so much math, so many measurements.” He turned to the next page to see a drawing of a console. “Your technical drawings are amazing. Do you ever do other drawing? Like for art class or anything?”

“I’m not as good at organic shapes,” Michael explained. “I can get a good grade on a painting or drawing, but there’s no spark of creativity in it. It’s a good replica of what I’m looking at, but it’s not inspired. If you put a still life that I’ve done next to someone who actually has artistic talent, you can really tell the difference.”

“That’s pretty much how mine is. In middle school I had to take art even though I was in music, and I got a B, and was pretty happy with that, because drawing isn’t my thing. In high school I just had to have arts credits, so music covered it.”

“I took art as an elective for two semesters in high school when I couldn’t get into any of the music classes. I also took culinary arts for two semesters. That’s how I met my first boyfriend. We were in Spanish and culinary arts together.”

“What was his name?”

“Ryan. He was a senior, I was a sophomore. He had terrible taste in music and I gave him so much crap for it.”

Alex laughed. “What did he listen to?”

“80s country, like Alabama and Lynyrd Skynyrd. That was really his only flaw.” 

“Ugh, no.” Alex was quiet for a minute. “Can I ask about him, or are there too many bad memories?”

Michael smiled. “No, you can ask, I don’t have any really bad memories with him. We were together almost my entire sophomore year. We--” Michael stopped. “Well, he was my first time with a guy.”

“I kinda figured.” 

“It doesn’t bother you to hear about my past relationships?”

He shook his head. “No, we’re solid. I know you’re not holding out on any of them coming back into your life.”

“Yah, no,” Michael laughed. “Well, outside of the time I got to spend the night and he outed us to his parents, we went to dances together, his best friend was a girl, so she was always his ‘date’ and her extra shy friend was always my ‘date’ for the sake of our parents. We even got to go to prom together.” 

“That’s amazing. I would have loved to have a date for prom.”

“I would totally have asked you.”

“I would have said yes. Then you could have hit Kyle, too.”

Michael laughed. “Please let me punch him.”

“If you keep asking, you might eventually wear me down.” Alex just smiled at him for a minute. “How did it end?”

“After graduation he had a huge trip to Europe planned with a bunch of friends, and then he was going to college on the east coast. We knew we couldn’t do long distance, so we broke up before he left. I cried for like a week. He sent me postcards from different places in Europe, and always signed them “less than three, Ryan.”

“‘Less than three?’ Like a heart?”

Michael nodded. “That’s how we signed emails so it wasn’t obvious we were dating if my foster parents saw my email over my shoulder.”

“That’s really adorable.”

“I thought so.”

“Do you ever think about finding him on social media or emailing him?”

“We still email from time to time, actually.” He looked at Alex to gauge his reaction to that. “You don’t mind?”

Alex gave him a look. “Of course not.” He took Michael’s hand. “I love you. I want you to be happy more than anything. What kind of asshole would I be if I told you I didn’t want you to talk to someone that you’re friends with, just because you used to date?”

“You’re amazing, Alex.” He leaned over and kissed him softly. “Do you want to see a picture? He sent me a picture of him with his boyfriend not too long ago.”

“Oh, yah, sure.” Alex waited excitedly while Michael pulled up his email on his phone. “Is Ryan the tall one?” he asked when Michael held out his phone.

“Yah, and his boyfriend is Niko.”

“Have you sent him a picture of us?” 

“No, actually. I don’t know why, I just didn’t think about it.”

“Send him a picture! He loved you, I’m sure he wants to see that you’re happy.”

“Okay. Help me decide which picture to send.”

“Send him this one from last weekend,” Alex suggested, showing him the lock screen on his phone. “We look fantastic.”

Michael laughed. “Okay, that is a pretty good picture.” They were both smiling at the camera which was actually below them, leaning over Maria as she was shooting up toward the sky. Michael was sitting on the steps and he was on his knees with an arm around his shoulders. “Your eyeliner is perfect, are you okay with your hair being sad and floppy?”

“I’ve come to terms with it,” Alex joked. “You can tell I love you more than anything in the world, that’s the most important part.”

“It really is.” He started a reply to the email Ryan had sent him. He’d replied when he first got the picture that he was happy and that Niko was cute. Now he was sending his own couple photo and it felt good.

_Hey Ryan,_

_ As a follow up to the harrowing tale of my extremely dramatic acquisition of a boyfriend, here is a picture of said boyfriend. I’m so in love with him that it hurts, and he more or less demanded that I not stop talking to you and that I send you a picture NOW. He suggested this picture based on the fact that you can tell that he adores me and his eyeliner is perfect. He’s sitting with me in bed reading this over my shoulder and laughing. _

“Give him your cell number so you can text him.”

“I never even thought of that.”

_Do you want to text? I’ll put my number at the bottom. No pressure. Alex’s suggestion._

_ Talk you you soon,  
Michael 😊_

“I’m glad you’re still friends,” Alex said. “I’m glad you have good memories of high school.”

“I have a lot of good memories with him. Our first kiss was in a park a couple of blocks from school. We hung out there a lot, just talking. He had big plans to be a doctor, and is definitely on track for that. His parents liked me, and let me come over on weekends and stay for dinner sometimes. We just had to leave the bedroom door open a crack once they knew we were dating.”

“Did that stop you?”

“Nope. I think it was an effort on his parents’ part to let us know we were being supervised, but they didn’t actually care that we were fooling around. They even knocked before opening the door.” Michael smiled. “A lot of the time, though, we were just snuggling and watching movies.”

“That’s nice too.” 

“He was really affectionate in public, even though that could have gotten us both in trouble. We kissed at school all the time.”

Alex thought about it for a second. “Did I hurt your feelings when I was scared to hold your hand or kiss you?”

He shrugged. “A little, but I reminded myself that Ryan was the exception to the rule on PDA. You got over it pretty quickly.”

“I hope you know it was _never_ because I was ashamed to be with you, or let people know we were together. _Never._ It was just because I was so used to being picked on by people at school.”

“No, I know that, baby. I know.” He pulled Alex close and kissed him. “I never thought that.”

“Oh good.” Alex grinned. “Now everyone I know and all of their friends and all of their families know that I love you. Or at least that I’m ready to eat you alive while drunk.”

Michael cracked up, laughing loudly. “Drunk Alex was a trip. I did not anticipate rough sex or a blow job on the floor as reactions to you drinking.”

“Yah, inhibitions.”

“I know we talked about it a little the day after, but you haven’t asked for anything like that again.”

Alex nodded. “I know. Most of the time when we’re intimate with each other, it’s sorta sweet? Or just spontaneous because we’re horny,” he amended with a laugh. “I read, or did read, I haven’t spent a lot of time reading since I got here, a lot of really sexual fan fiction, and it got me curious so I did research, and I really, really, get turned on by that kind of stuff? But I kinda have to be in a specific mood, and obviously I’m not going to ask you to do something you don’t know anything about. I kinda pressured you that night and felt shitty about it in the morning.”

“I was okay, I _am_ okay, baby, don’t stress about it.”

“But are you okay because you’re used to people using you, or because you’re really okay?”

Michael just looked at him for a minute, uneasy. “Insightful of you.”

“I never wanted you to feel that way. I never want you to feel that way again.”

“I’m really okay, Alex. Really. You didn’t force me to do something I didn’t want to do. You talked me into it, but you didn’t cross a line. You told me I could say no, and I chose not to.”

“I won’t ask you again until you know what you’re being asked, Michael. That was not okay of me, and being drunk was not an excuse.”

He smiled and caressed Alex’s cheek. “It’s okay, really. You didn’t cross the line. I was only uncomfortable until I saw how much you were getting off on it, then I was fine. I enjoyed myself. A lot.”

That made Alex feel a little better. “Good.” He squeezed Michael’s thigh. “It’s going to be a combination of extremely embarrassing and extremely arousing to explain the stuff I like to you.”

“Are you okay with what we’re doing now?”

“Oh, yah, absolutely,” he rushed to reassure him. “Like I said, specific mood.”

Michael ran his hand through Alex’s soft hair. “I love you, and I want you to get what you need.”

“I do. Don’t worry. I’m not afraid to ask if I want something.” Alex giggled. “You know that.”

Laughing, Michael pulled Alex in for another kiss. “You’re certainly not shy about it.”

“I think it’s because I’m so comfortable with you? I don’t feel like sex is a mystery that I have to get right the first time to keep you, I’ve never felt that way. I’ve never wondered if I’d be so bad in bed you’d dump me, that’s never crossed my mind. I’ve trusted you to help me the entire time, and you never make me feel awkward if I don’t know what to do to make sure it’s good for you. You just show me what to do and tell me not to be embarrassed. I knew you so well by the time that we got together that I didn’t feel like there was something wrong with me for not being experienced, you never made me feel that way. You make me feel safe.”

“I’m glad I can make you feel safe, baby. That’s what I want.”

“You did from the very beginning.”

“I’ve always felt safe with you, too. It was easy to fall asleep in the same room, that’s usually hard for me.”

“I thought it would be too. I just passed out, though, you just didn’t register as any kind of a threat to me whatsoever.”

“Well, I’m a threat to your virtue,” MIchael replied with a leer.

Alex cracked up. “Less of a threat and more of a sure thing?” he laughed. “Why is virginity a virtue in this day and age, anyway? You can’t really expect that you’re going to have a good sex life if you’ve never had sex before you get married. Don’t people wonder what they’re missing? Or do they feel like enjoying sex isn’t something they’re supposed to do?” He shook his head. “It’s not fair to expect to be married for life and not even know if you’re compatible with the person in bed.”

“I’m with you on that. And it’s not fair that it’s more important for girls than guys.”

“Right? Liz and Maria have both expressed their frustration with it. I don’t think Liz’s dad knows she and Kyle had sex. He’d be really upset. I think he knows Rosa is bi but pretty far down the spectrum toward preferring girls, but doesn’t know that she’s had all kinds of sex with men and women.” Alex sighed. “He knew I was gay and was always supportive. He had no problem with me staying over with Liz and Rosa. I just don’t know how he’d feel about the sex lives of his own daughters.”

“As far as I can tell, parents either want to know too much or don’t want to know about it at all.”

“That’s probably right. Mimi knows all about Maria’s sexcapades, she point blank asked her mom to get her on birth control when she was 15 and they have really open discussions about sex and stuff. It’s really good, because she’s always felt like she could ask her mom questions about sex and get real answers. Liz and Rosa and I asked her questions too.”

“That’s good. My first couple times with girls were older girls, so they knew what was going on. Obviously Ryan knew what he was doing.” He smiled at Alex, realizing something. “I’ve never actually had sex with a virgin before.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Alex teased. “So, like, in the first week or so of knowing each other, I was thinking about you in the shower--” he paused while Michael laughed, “--and hoping you were not a virgin so that you’d have an idea of what was going on if we ever had sex.”

“I have a pretty good idea, yes.” He poked Alex in the side and laughed when he squeaked. “Were you jacking off thinking about sex with me?”

“Yah, like, every shower.”

Michael laughed. “Yah, me too.”

“I thought about a couple different scenarios for how we could have sex in the shower, actually.”

“Great minds think alike.” Michael cupped Alex’s cheek. “With Dean and Seamus gone, we can take as long as we want in the shower. And be as loud as we want.”

“Oh good, I’ll serenade you.” When Michael laughed, he feigned confusion. “What, you weren’t talking about singing in the shower?”

“Do you usually sing in the shower?”

Alex shook his head. “No, I never have. I have been known to go over things I’m supposed to have memorized in the shower.”

“Nerd.”

“Nerd who was trying to figure out if there was enough room in the shower for me to give you a blow job pretty much as soon as we met.”

“Best kind of nerd.” He leaned in and kissed Alex’s cheek. “I’m totally down for that during our next shower.”

“Mm, I like the sound of that.”

They both got a text, and Michael looked at his phone and laughed. “Check out Maria’s new pic.”

Alex looked at his phone. It was a selfie with a glass of red wine from the bathtub with a bunch of candles. “So jealous. Except that I like white wine better than red wine.”

“I haven’t really had wine. I don’t know much about it.”

“Me either, I only know about the wines I’ve tried and that it’s an acquired taste.”

“Huh. I guess we can try it when we have the opportunity.”

“Sure. Too bad we don’t live in California, we could go wine tasting for fun.”

Michael gave him a look. “That’s a thing?”

Alex nodded laughing. “Totally.” Michael’s skeptical look cracked him up. “Let’s take a picture of what we’re doing to send back.”

“Okay. Here, snuggle up to me.” He wrapped his arm around Alex’s shoulders and felt Alex put his head on his shoulder. He tipped his head against Alex’s. “We’re cute.”

“We are.” He smiled while Michael snapped the pic. “Lemme see.” He examined the photo. “I approve.”

“Oh good,” Michael laughed, and put the photo in the group chat. “Snuggling in bed with journals isn’t quite as nice as a relaxing bubble bath, but I’m pretty damned happy.”

“Me too. But someday when we buy a house, I want a really nice bathroom with a fancy shower and a huge tub we can both soak in. Really long and really deep.”

“Oh, when we buy a house? You’re very sure of our financial stability.”

“I’ve been daydreaming about us spending our lives together since we moved in. Of course we have a beautiful house. I’ve put a lot of time into this.”

“Where should this house be located?”

“Not Roswell.”

Michael laughed. “Yah, no.”

“I was actually thinking about Santa Fe, it’s beautiful there. But expensive. More expensive than Albuquerque.”

“We could leave the state.”

“We could. It’s not like I like my family or anything. But I think there are good testing grounds for rockets and stuff in New Mexico and Arizona, so I figured we stay in the vicinity.”

“That’s true. If we work for SpaceX, they’re in California. NASA is in Florida.”

“A lot depends on what we actually end up doing,” Alex mused. “Like, I haven’t even decided for sure what I want to focus on. You at least know you want to go into aerospace.”

“We have time. No need to worry about it now.” He kissed Alex’s forehead. “Just admit that you want to be a hacker and your life will be easier.”

“I do, god,” Alex laughed. “The only thing keeping me in check up ‘til now was my dad.”

“Try not to get arrested.” He looked down when his phone buzzed.

_Maria: Are you guys journaling together?_

_ Maria: I can’t describe how gross that is._

Alex laughed when he read the texts. 

_Alex: Totally_

_ Alex: We were talking about weird dreams_

_ Alex: So we broke out the journals_

_ Maria: What kind of weird dreams?_

_ Michael: It was more like a vision. Alex said your mom could analyze it?_

_ Maria: She’d love that. What happened in the dream?_

_ Michael: Too much for a text message I’ll email you later._

_ Maria: Okay._

_ Alex: The clouds were cotton candy but he didnt eat them_

_ Alex: Missed opportunity_

“Because that’s the most important part of the dream.”

“It’s just the funniest part.”

_Michael: Your mom was in the dream._

_ Maria: Interesting! I can’t wait to see what she has to say about this dream!_

_ Alex: I was going to show Michael the dreams she analyzed for me_

_ Alex: I dont remember all the stuff she said_

_ Alex: I wonder if any of its relevant now_

_ Maria: Probably._

_ Maria: Hey I’m going to go crystal shopping this weekend, what stones do you want?_

_ Michael: Crystal shopping?_

_ Alex: A cluster of something_

_ Alex: If you can afford it_

_ Alex: Now that Im not home I can have crystals_

_ Alex: Too bad candles arent allowed in the dorms_

“These rooms are too small for an open flame, it would be too easy for shit to catch on fire.”

“Oh, I 100% agree, it’s just a shame.”

“So...crystals?”

“Yah, you know Maria is psychic, she and her mom are also into New Age stuff. Did you see the crystals on her desk in her room?”

“I never even noticed. Is there a point to crystals?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Alex admitted. “There are theories about different stones having different effects on emotions and health and stuff. I just think they’re pretty and look cool. My dad wouldn’t let me have anything like that.”

“Oh, I see. So you’re going to base your choice on appearance?”

“Well, I probably wouldn’t choose one with a supposed purpose that contradicted things I actually want to have happen, even if it was cool.”

“So you do believe.”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

Michael laughed and kissed him. “Let me tell Maria what I want.”

_Michael: I don’t know what crystals do but get me one for loving Alex._

_ Michael: I don’t want to mess that up._

_ Michael: I don’t know how to have a relationship and I want him to be happy._

“Sweetheart, I’m so happy,” Alex whispered, leaning close. “You can’t mess up bad enough to lose me. I’ll always love you.” He pressed a gentle kiss to Michael’s lips. “As long as you don’t get violently abusive, we’re good.”

“I’d never hurt you. I don’t usually start fights, I just finish them.”

“I know. I trust you 100%, Michael. You’d never hurt me and I know it. Please don’t punch Kyle in the face.”

That dissipated the somber mood that had briefly enveloped Michael and he laughed. “But I really wanna punch him in the face.”

“No. His parents are cops. Bad idea. No matter how satisfying it would be.” Alex looked at his phone.

_Alex: Get Michael something for happiness or confidence_

_ Alex: Or that just looks fucking cool_

_ Alex: We could all use something for money_

Michael laughed at that. “Too right.”

_Maria: Guerin I doubt you need help loving Alex. I’ve seen you together. You’re gross._

_ Maria: A polished stone or a cluster?_

_ Michael: A polished stone._

“What are we even going to do with these rocks?”

Alex shrugged. “Put them on our desks. When we have a house, we can put them on our mantle.”

“You’re very sure we’re going to have a house. And now you’re telling me it’s gonna have a fireplace.” 

“Hey, my daydreams. I get to do what I want.” He smiled when Michael laughed. “We might end up with an apartment with a fireplace, that would be nice.”

“I don’t have a lot of experience with fire. I’ve lived in houses with fireplaces but the families didn’t really use them.” He gave Alex a look. “Never got into arson to pass the time.”

“Oh good, no arson,” he laughed.

“So tell me about this house we have.”

“It’s old, but in good shape. Terracotta tile floors, cobalt blue tiles around the fireplace. Exposed beams in some rooms, a nice kitchen so we can cook. A patio and backyard for nice evenings to cook out. A music room. Have the bathroom completely remodeled before we move in.” Alex smiled thinking about it. “In a nice neighborhood that doesn’t have a lot of traffic so I can go running. Close to things to do. Maybe enough room on the back patio for a hot tub so you can finally have hot tub sex.”

Michael exploded with laughter. “Shut up, Alex, I swear to god, I am going to tickle you until you fall off the bed.”

Alex laughed at the threat. “I’d pull you down with me.”

“Would you actually have sex in the hot tub if we had one?”

“Oh, yah, totally. I don’t know how well lube works under water, though. Girls make their own, us, not so much.”

“That’s a really good point. I’ve never really thought about having sex with a guy in the water.”

“Hot tub hand job?”

“That works,” Michael laughed. “Hot tubs are expensive, though, we might have to wait a while to get one.”

“The apartments we live in will probably have a hot tub, but obviously no sex in it.”

“Yah, no.” Michael smiled and leaned over to kiss Alex. “I love thinking about the future with you. I never let myself think past getting a full ride to UNM. Now we’re talking about owning a house in Santa Fe some day.”

“I never really let myself think past getting out of Roswell. Then I met you and suddenly I wanted to make all the plans possible for a future that included you. You should hear about the vacations I have planned.”

“Where are we going on vacation?”

“Disneyland, Universal Studios, the Grand Canyon, skiing, something involving the ocean I don’t know what, Antelope Canyon, New York, Area 51--”

“No.”

“--okay not Area 51, and basically places with _water.”_

“Area 51.”

“To be fair,” Alex began, “I had that idea before I knew you were an alien.”

“I think that’s the last place on earth I want to go.”

“Yah, probably a bad idea. I’ve always wondered if one of my brothers would ever end up there, since it supposedly doesn’t exist.”

“I guess you’ll never know if it doesn’t exist.”

“Damn it, you’re right. It’s not like they’re smart enough for intelligence anyway.”

“Hey, show me the dreams in your journal.”

“Oh yah, the entire reason we got them out.” Alex thumbed through the pages. “Okay, here’s the first one. I’m in the desert, and there’s a thunderstorm in the distance. I really want the storm to rain on me, but it’s too far away. I want to walk toward it, but I know it’s dangerous. I decide to walk, and the ground gets rougher and rougher, and then there’s a huge rattlesnake. The biggest one I’ve ever seen. I know I can’t get past it if I approach it head on, but I can’t really go around it because it can turn to strike. I don’t want to go back the way I came, I really want to get to the storm. But the storm comes and the snake is angry about the rain, and even though it wants to strike at me, it wants to get away from the rain more, and goes underground. I can keep walking into the middle of the storm, and the rain soaks me and when it passes there’s a rainbow.”

“What did Mimi say it means?”

“It’s pretty obvious, I wanted to get away from my shitty life and it was going to be hard. The snake was my dad. Mimi said the reason the storm saved me was because too many things were in motion for my dad to stop me. I hadn’t gotten my scholarship yet, and I couldn’t see a way out. I did it, though. I got out.” 

“You did. Your dad as a snake makes perfect sense.”

“I kinda felt bad for snakes after the dream.”

“What was the other one?”

Alex turned several pages. “You know, this one didn’t make sense at the time but it does now. It’s about you.”

“Really?”

“Yah. I wake up and I’m in the desert at night. The moon is full but the stars are also really bright. I can see clearly. It’s very still. That’s how dream me knew it was a dream, it’s always windy.” He looked over the page. “A star starts to shine brighter and brighter, and I really want to touch it. I want to touch things in the sky a lot in my dreams. I’m reaching out toward it, wishing it could come down from the sky, and it does. It’s like a globe of light and I can just hold it in my hands. It’s warm and pulses a little. I can see that there’s something alive inside, and I want to let it out, it’s calling to me, it knows me and I feel like I know it. I know I have to go home, but want to take the star with me, and I know I can’t. It’s devastating, but the star promises it will come back the next time I’m out at night. I let the star go, and it flies back up into the sky, and I cry. I woke up crying.”

“I’m the star?”

“I think so. Mimi said that it meant that someone loved me from afar, and I’d know when I found them, because they’d shine to me. Remember, she said you came from the cosmos to be with me.”

“I’m your star, you’re my tree.”

“Kinda cool, huh? My middle name is willow, you should give yourself a middle name that means ‘star’.”

“Maybe I will.” He kissed Alex, softly at first, then with more purpose. “You ground me, I help you reach new heights.”

“Yah,” Alex whispered, and kissed him again. They kept kissing, getting more and more heated and intense by the second. 

Finally Alex pulled away with a gasp. “Okay. I have some bodily needs that require attention.” Michael laughed, and Alex started listing them. “First, I’m thirsty, hang on.” He took a drink of water. “Second, I’m starting to get hungry, so we should think about food.” When Michael agreed he gave him a thumbs up. “Third, I’d really like a blow job in the shower, so I’d be good with either doing that first or rushing through food.”

“Shower first,” Michael suggested, tossing the journals and water aside. “Heading there now.”

Alex laughed and followed Michael off the bed, stripping immediately. “Good to know we’re on the same page here.” It was easy to get out of flannel pants and a t-shirt quickly. “I love seeing you throwing my clothes on the floor when we’re about to have sex.”

“Feeling’s mutual,” Michael agreed. “Come on.” He grabbed Alex’s hand and pulled him toward the bathroom.

Alex hurried to turn on the water, testing it repeatedly to see if it was warm as Michael pressed against him from behind. “I like feeling you against me,” he moaned. 

“Mm, like this?” Michael rubbed against his ass, just a little. It felt way too good.

“Yah,” he gasped. The water _finally_ warmed up. “Come on.”

For a while all they did was kiss and run their hands over each other, hot water streaming down. The urgency was still there, but they both knew they had time. Michael pulled them together with hands gripping Alex’s ass, feeling their cocks rub together. “You first or me first?”

“What do you want?” 

“I’ll do you first, baby.”

“Oh thank god. I’ll probably last like three seconds.”

Michael laughed as he carefully lowered himself to the floor. Alex had to spread his legs so that his knees could fit between his feet. It meant that Alex’s cock was front and center. “This is a little cozier than I thought it would be,” he laughed.

“Too cozy?” Alex asked, hoping he’d say no because the visual of Michael on his knees was really doing something for him.

“No, not too cozy. Teasing? No teasing?”

“You pick. I’m good either way.”

As Michael adjusted his position on the floor of the shower - not especially comfortable - he decided on some teasing, but not too much for the sake of his knees. He wrapped his hand around Alex’s cock and brought it to his lips. 

Alex preemptively braced himself with his hands against the wall, and was glad he’d done it when Michael started licking the head of his cock, teasing, soft swipes of his tongue, dipping into the slit, barely there. “Oh fuck, Michael. Maybe not that much teasing, I don’t want to come on your face.”

That was definitely something Michael took seriously. “Got it.” He’d had a guy come on his face once and it had been humiliating. Even if Alex would never do that on purpose, he didn’t want it to happen by accident, either. He took him into his mouth instead, sucking lightly before swallowing him down. Alex’s shout let him know he’d made the right choice.

“Oh fuck, Michael.” Something about the water pouring over them and seeing Michael at his feet was making this even more arousing than the sight of Michael going down on him usually was. His hot mouth, the hot water, the close quarters, hearing every pant and moan bouncing off the tiled walls, it was erotic. “I’m close, fuck.” He felt Michael’s fingers slip between his ass cheeks, just gently touching his hole, and he came hard down his throat with a strangled yell. 

“Good?” Michael asked unnecessarily, watching Alex try to catch his breath. 

“Yah,” Alex laughed. “That was amazing.” He tried to put his fingers in Michael’s hair, but the water made it impossible. “I’m glad I didn’t put my hands on your head, it would have really hurt to pull your hair while it’s wet.”

“Yah, I was glad you put your hands on the wall.” He pressed a soft kiss to each of Alex’s thighs. “Move a little so I can get up.” 

“Sorry, sweetheart.” He scooted against the wall and helped Michael stand. “Thank you,” he whispered against Michael’s lips before kissing him. “You’re amazing and I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.” He kissed him again. “I’m not going to pull your hair, it’ll hurt too bad.”

Alex nodded. “Good. Do you want teasing or no teasing?”

“A little teasing is good. I won’t come on your face.”

“Thank you,” he laughed. “I like some kinky stuff, but I’m not interested in that. At all.”

“Good, I don’t think I could do that to you.”

_That’s happened to him, and he hated it._ “We’re on the same page there. Help me kneel?”

“Sure, baby.” 

With a little bit of rearranging, Alex was on his knees between Michael’s spread legs. “I like this.” He ran his hands up the insides of Michael’s thighs. “I know you said I have nice legs, but yours are gorgeous too.” Experimentally, he cupped Michael’s balls, watching for a reaction. “Yes? No?”

“Depends on what you want to do.” It felt good to have Alex’s warm palm cradling his sac. 

“See how you feel on my tongue?”

“Oh fuck, that’s a yes.”

Alex chuckled and considered logistics. He stroked Michael’s cock slowly with his free hand, listening to him make a soft sound of pleasure. _If I tilt my head enough…_ The entire idea of nad-sucking geometry was amusing, but Alex was determined to try. He scrunched down and moved more between his legs. Michael’s dick was still going to touch his face, but he really didn’t mind.

The noise Michael made when he licked him more than made up for it.

He knew that sometimes this was considered demeaning, or even humiliating. But Alex didn’t know _why._ It was just pleasure. It felt good. And making Michael moan and shiver was worth it. Obviously, he couldn’t fit everything in his mouth at once, but Michael was clearly satisfied with what he was doing.

“Fuck, Alex, that’s, fuck,” he panted. No one had ever actually sucked his balls before. “Baby I need to come, fuck--”

“Mm, okay.” He moved away enough that he could take Michael’s cock in his mouth, pleased when he shouted. He used his left hand to make up for what he couldn’t take in, and with his right he inched his fingers into the cleft of Michael’s ass, just brushing against his entrance. They’d never talked about that before, Michael hadn’t asked to be fingered in any of their explorations, but he was definitely okay with it from the sound of the begging, and he rubbed lightly, not wanting to cause any discomfort without lube.

“Yes, Alex, oh fuck, I’m--” And then he was coming, hips moving and knowing it wouldn’t bother Alex. “Baby.”

Alex grinned up at his absolutely _wrecked_ boyfriend. “Good?”

Michael huffed out a breathless laugh. “Oh my fucking god. I don’t know if I can help you stand up, I might just fall down.”

He laughed, happy he’d blown Michael’s mind. “Okay, at least try to help me up, my knees hurt.”

“Okay, okay.”

They managed to get Alex upright, and Michael draped his arms over his shoulders and pulled him close for a languid kiss. “That was, undoubtedly, the best blow job I have ever had.”

“Really?”

“Yah. It all felt really, really good.” He kissed him again. “I’ve never done that before. It was fantastic. I would never have asked for that, though.”

“I’m glad I was the first.” Alex gave him a slow, sweet kiss. “I love you. I want you to feel good. You can ask for that any time.”

Michael laughed a little. “I’d kinda feel like an asshole asking you to suck my balls.”

“Don’t. It’s completely fine. If it feels good, I want to do it.”

“It definitely feels good. Really good. I’ll do it for you sometime.”

“Thanks.” Alex kissed him again, deepening it, wanting Michael to know it really was fine. “I want to try everything with you. Well, almost everything. Some stuff I’ve heard about is just gross.”

“Yah there are some non-negotiables,” Michael laughed. “Let’s not talk about them, it'll ruin the mood.”

Alex laughed. “You’re so smart.” He kissed Michael again and ran his hands down his back. “Wash my hair for me?”

“Yah, of course, baby.” Michael grabbed the shampoo from the shower shelf thing that Seamus had bought and secured in the corner. Washing each other’s hair and bodies was such an important part of their relationship. It was an expression of their love for each other and always had been. He poured a quarter-sized amount into his palm and worked it into Alex’s dark hair. “This shampoo always smells good on you.”

He hummed, not quite verbal with how good it felt. He heard Michael’s soft chuckle and returned his own. He rinsed his hair, Michael running his fingers through it, and then smoothing the conditioner through it. Alex sighed happily. The usual post-orgasm softness and fatigue was enhanced by Michael’s soft, loving touches. He managed to murmur “I love you,” before Michael helped him rinse the conditioner out of his hair. He forced himself to reorient to reality. “Thank you, sweetheart. Want me to wash yours?”

“Are you awake enough to do it?” he teased softly. 

Alex stuck his face under the water and pulled back, laughing. “Yah.” He grabbed Michael’s shampoo. “Yours smells good, too. I love the way you smell all the time.”

“Even when I’m all sweaty?”

“Mhm.” Alex started working up suds in Michael’s hair. “After we have sex and I’m against your neck or your hip, I love it.”

Michael moaned. “Baby.” Those words combined with Alex’s fingers against his scalp was an overdose of good. 

“Here, let’s rinse.” He helped the water move through Michael’s gorgeous hair. “I love your hair. I love everything about you.”

“You’re the sweetest, most amazing, most loving person in the world, Alex.”

“You’re easy to love.” He squirted conditioner into his hand and worked the cream into Michael’s wet curls. “Just so easy to love.”

“I love you, Alex.” He was overwhelmed, and felt tears in his eyes. “I didn’t even know I could love _anything_ or _anyone_ like this.” 

Alex kissed him softly under the water. “I love you too, sweetheart. Let’s rinse and wash off.”

They washed each other at the same time, Alex shivering when Michael washed his back, Michael laughing when Alex stuck his finger in his belly button. They had to dry themselves off, though, both of them were picky about the level of dampness considered acceptable after a shower.

“I know this is going to shock you,” Alex began, “But I’m starving.”

“I have to say, I’m pretty much starving too,” Michael agreed. “What do you want to do for food?”

“Let’s just order a pizza and eat it on the futon with a movie or _Star Trek_ or something.”

“I like that idea.”

There was a bored student assistant at the desk when Michael went to get the pizza and Michael offered her a piece. She appreciated it, but was vegan. Michael couldn’t imagine being vegan. What kind of life was worth living without _cheese?_

They decided on _Star Trek_, and after they were done with the pizza, curled up against a pile of the big pillows and with Maria’s fuzzy blanket. When Alex fell asleep, Michael carefully put the computer away and lifted him onto the bed very gently before climbing in with him. Alex stirred briefly to cuddle into his side, and Michael drifted off so full of love that he almost couldn’t stand it.

***

It was late when Michael blinked awake. He was on his side, his arm was asleep, and he had to piss. His line of sight was the back of Alex’s head, and despite the relative discomfort of the moment, he smiled. It was hard to be annoyed when the reason his arm was asleep was because it was under Alex’s head. Instead of trying to extract his arm, he moved closer and kissed the back of his neck, smelling the combined scents of his shampoo and bodywash, a little bit of sweat from getting warm overnight, and just Alex. He’d literally never thought about the comfort a smell could provide, but now he understood. If Alex had to go home or something, he knew he’d sniff his boyfriend’s pillow to try not to miss him. He lightly kissed his neck again, getting a soft, “mm,” in response. He murmured, “I love you.” Every single fucking time he said it it was terrifying and the best thing ever.

Alex was still mostly asleep when he felt the lips on his neck and heard the whispered words of love, but smiled and leaned back. He sighed happily when Michael wrapped his arm around him. “Love you,” he whispered.

“You’re beautiful,” Michael whispered against his cheek. “And adorable.” He felt Alex’s soft laughter. “And making my arm numb.”

Laughing, Alex moved so that Michael could get his arm out from under the pillow and turned over. “Sorry you put your arm under me. Sounds like this is your own fault.”

“Nope.” Michael kissed Alex’s forehead. “Be right back.”

When he got back to the bed, Alex had drifted off again, face pressed into Michael’s pillow. He checked his phone and it was almost 11:00. Part of him wanted to let Alex sleep, but a much bigger part wanted to brush the soft hair off his forehead and kiss him and let him feel how much he loved him. He pulled Alex’s desk chair out and climbed on it so he was face to face with his boyfriend without hauling himself up onto the bed or using the ladder. He softly traced the line of Alex’s sharp cheekbone, his bold eyebrow, his perfect nose. He used a single finger to sweep his bangs back, and watched the long strands fall back into place, brushing the bridge of his nose. Michael kissed his nose, moved his hair and kissed his forehead, very softly kissed his ever so slightly chapped lips. He smiled when Alex hummed softly and opened his eyes. 

“I love you,” he murmured. “How’re you right there?”

“I’m on your chair.”

“Oh.” Alex laughed softly. He rolled onto his back and stretched, then back to Michael. “I need to get up.”

“Okay.” Michael stepped down from the chair and put it away. He watched Alex emerge from the blankets and slide off the edge of the bed, and thought that he was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, even with his hair a mess and pillow creases on the side of his face and morning breath. He pulled him close for a minute. “Love you.”

Alex wrapped his arms around Michael and squeezed him. He wasn’t sure why Michael was so affectionate this morning, but it was fantastic. Michael was always affectionate, but not usually so...soft. “Love you too, sweetheart.” He pulled away because he _really_ needed to use the bathroom. “Be right back, k? Wanna get back in bed?”

Michael nodded. “Yah.”

While Alex was in the bathroom, Michael pulled himself up and got back into bed, snuggling into the pillows and blankets. He just wanted to be close this morning. Just revel in how thankful he was on Thanksgiving. He sat up as Alex climbed up the ladder, and held out his arm, inviting Alex to cuddle. 

“Mm,” Alex hummed, burying himself under the blankets and wrapping himself around Michael. “This is nice. I love your arms around me like you’ll never let go.”

“I’ll never let go.” He kissed the top of Alex’s head. 

“Me either.” Michael was wearing a shirt so he couldn’t kiss his chest. He slid his hand under his shirt instead so that he could feel his skin. Normally they’d probably tease each other with jokes about letting go so they could use the bathroom or eat or something, but the mood didn’t lend itself to humor. “I’ll just hold onto you forever so you know you’ll never be alone.”

“I’m going to learn some poetry so when you say things like that, I can recite it for you.” Michael felt warm and loved and safe in Alex’s arms. 

“You don’t need to. When you say you love me, that’s poetry itself.”

“Baby.” He rubbed his nose against Alex’s hair. “I love you so much that I don’t think words can really say it.”

Alex raised his head and smiled. “I know, though. I know how much you love me. It’s not just words when you say it.” He moved up the bed a little so he could reach Michael’s lips. “I hope you can tell it’s not just words for me, either.”

“I can. Sometimes I wonder if I have more powers than I thought and I can actually feel you. Your love is like sunlight against my skin.”

“That’s poetry right there, sweetheart.” He kissed him again. “You know when you wrap me up in power, like when you pulled the blankets around us in the truck, or you get me in and out of bed, it’s warm? Just like sunlight. I can’t touch it, but I can feel it, and I know it’s you loving me.”

Ordinarily, Michael would comment on how gross they were, but it just wasn’t the right time. “It’s Thanksgiving. I’m so thankful to have you in my life. Everything else I’ve had that someone expected me to be thankful for was tainted with resentment and anger. You’re mine, I’m yours, there’s nothing bad involved. No anger or pity or fear.”

Alex smiled, touched. “I’m thankful for you, too, Michael. I never feel like we owe each other anything, y’know? Like, there’s nothing about our relationship that makes me feel like I have to pay you back for loving me or being nice to me. You don’t put conditions on loving me, and that’s probably the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt. I mean, I know my friends don’t feel like I owe them, but it’s not the same. It’s not on the same level. It’s not the same as knowing I can always rely on you and you’ll never expect anything except love, and you know that’s true for me too. I feel like we’re two halves of the same whole.”

“Baby.” Michael moved the couple of inches necessary to press his lips to Alex’s. He was overwhelmed and had to keep his eyes closed for a minute. When he opened them, Alex was smiling at him with tears in his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Alex threaded his fingers through Michael’s tangled curls and pulled him close for another kiss. When Michael started to pull away he chased his lips, moving his hand from his hair to his back under the shirt. When Michael started to respond to the passion in Alex’s kisses, Alex rolled onto his back, pulling Michael on top of him.

“Baby,” Michael panted before kissing him again. Things were getting heated, but he was still feeling sorta...soft. “Love you.” He cupped Alex’s cheek when he kissed him again.

“Love you too,” Alex whispered against his lips. He turned his head to kiss Michael’s palm. “So much.” He slid both hands up Michael’s warm back and helped him get the t-shirt off over his head. “I love it when you tell me I’m beautiful, but you are too, sweetheart. You’re perfect.”

“Oh, baby, I’m really not.” He kissed Alex’s smiling lips. “But I like it when you tell me I am.”

“It’s my opinion, it can’t be wrong.” He smoothed his hands back down Michael’s back and over his ass. “Even if you’re not perfect, you’re perfect for me, and that’s all that matters.”

Michael kissed Alex then, a deep, passionate kiss that he hoped said more than words how much he loved this boy. And Alex responded, kissing him back, pushing his hands into his pants, wrapping one leg around his hip. He left his lips to kiss along his jaw, along his neck, and nip lightly on his earlobe. “You’re perfect for me too, Alex,” he breathed before moving away a little. “Wanna get undressed?”

“Yah, but I like it when you undress me.” 

“Here, sit up,” Michael whispered, helping Alex, and kissing him before sliding his hands up Alex’s chest to pull his shirt off. He took the chance to kiss his neck and bite down lightly, drawing a happy sound from the other boy’s throat. When Alex settled back against the pillows, he lifted his hips so Michael could pull his pants down and off, leaving him stretched out naked and smiling up at him. “You are so fucking beautiful.” He turned on his back to deal with his pants, annoyed when they got tangled in the blanket and wouldn’t come off his foot. He heard Alex’s soft laugh and kissed his smile. “Laughing at my misfortune.”

“So sorry, sweetheart, here, let me kiss you to apologize.”

Michael laughed and gave Alex a kiss. “Let’s get away from the wall.”

Alex scooted into the middle of the bed, and sighed happily when Michael settled on top of him. “Much better.”

“Yah,” Michael chuckled. “Downside of a twin bed.”

“We could be on a king sized bed and I’d still want you right where you are.” He adjusted so Michael’s hips were bracketed by his thighs. “On top of me, kissing me.” He used arms wrapped around Michael’s shoulders to pull him down into a kiss.

It was just kissing for a few minutes, slow and deep and loving, lightly rocking against each other, pulling soft moans from Michael’s throat, and breathy sighs from Alex’s. When he absolutely had to take a breath, Michael pulled away, pressing a breathless kiss to Alex’s jaw. “What do you want, baby?”

Alex looked into Michael’s whiskey-colored eyes, so full of love, and brushed his fingers across his cheek. “I want you inside of me.”

It only took Michael a second to realize what Alex was asking for. “You sure?”

He nodded. “Yah, I’m sure. I love you so much, Michael.”

“I love you too, Alex, so fucking much.” He kissed him one more time, then had to sit up on his knees. “Gotta find the lube.”

“It’s on your desk.”

“Got it.” Michael pulled it to his hand and settled down beside Alex. “If you need me to stop, you have to tell me, okay? I don’t want to hurt you. It’s not the same as being fingered.”

“I know.” Alex traced his fingers over Michael’s jaw, and he kissed the pad of his thumb. “I’ll tell you if I need to slow down.” Objectively speaking, Michael wasn’t massive, but Alex knew that fingers, even three of them, were tapered, and his cock, not so much. It didn’t matter if it hurt a little, they belonged to each other, and this November morning when they were both so wrapped up in love was the perfect moment. “I love you. I trust you. Trust me?”

“I love you too, baby. I trust you.” And he did. Alex had shown him time and again that he would tell him what he needed. _Just because I was scared my first time doesn’t mean he is. Gotta remember that. _ Alex had never seemed scared or even nervous about asking for what he wanted. It was kind of amazing. 

Alex watched as Michael poured lube onto his palm and slicked his fingers, tingling a little with anticipation. He didn’t know exactly _why_ he enjoyed Michael fingering him so much, he had vague memories about the number of nerves in that area, he just did. He spread his legs as wide as he could, ready when Michael pressed a cool finger against his entrance. His eyes closed as he pushed inside, and he sighed out a “yes,” that made Michael chuckle. He turned his head on the pillow to look at him. “Feels good,” he murmured.

“I’m going to take my time, okay? I know you get impatient, but it’ll be worth it.”

He nodded. “Okay. Kiss me?”

“Like you even had to ask,” Michael teased before pressing their lips together. 

The kiss stayed slow and sweet as Michael worked Alex open with his fingers, listening to Alex moan and feeling him rock his hips to try to pull him deeper. When he pushed three fingers into his body, Alex broke the kiss to groan and bite his hand.

“You can be as loud as you want, no one’s here.”

Alex laughed, “Oh yeah.” He just panted for a second before another moan was pulled out of his chest. “Oh god, Michael. Please.” He pulled him in for a desperate kiss with a hand in Michael’s hair. “I don’t want to come this way, I want you inside me.”

“Are you sure? Like, 100% sure?” Michael searched his eyes, his face, for any hint of fear or pain. 

“Yah, sweetheart. 100%.” Michael’s face was all love and concern. “Smile, it’s okay, I’m ready, I’m not scared.”

That made Michael relax a little, and he laughed softly. “Okay.” He kissed Alex one more time, then pulled away.

Alex watched Michael as he moved between his legs and slicked himself with lube. “You look amazing.” He was truly a sight to behold.

He looked at Alex, face and chest flushed, legs spread. “Baby. I don’t have the words.” He positioned himself, leaning down for a kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He had one hand on Michael’s shoulder, and the other cupping his cheek. This was so much more than sex. He gasped the tiniest gasp when he felt the head of Michael’s cock against him.

“Try to relax, baby.”

He nodded and smiled. “I’m okay.” Alex closed his eyes for a minute to remind his tense body to chill. “I’m okay.” 

Their eyes were locked when Michael pushed into Alex’s body, and he saw the moment it started to hurt in his expression. “Shh, relax, it’ll help.” 

“I’m okay, you can keep going.” It burned a little, like a muscle stretching, but it wasn’t bad. He took a breath and forced himself to relax, and felt Michael slide in further. A soft huff of air escaped his lips. “Michael.”

Michael concentrated on not going too fast, even though it felt _amazing._ He felt Alex relax and pushed in a little more, and Alex’s fingernails bit into his shoulder and he groaned. “Okay?”

“Okay. You can move, sweetheart, I wanna feel you.” He smiled at him. “I’m fine, keep going.”

_Trust_. Michael pushed into his body, listening to Alex’s soft sounds and feeling his clutching hands, until he was fully seated. “Baby.”

Alex’s overloaded brain had one word knocking around inside it: intense. He opened his eyes to see Michael’s concerned face. “Sweetheart.” He lifted his head to kiss Michael’s parted lips. “Please move? You feel good, but I need you to move.”

“Alex, fuck.” He experimentally rocked his hips, and Alex moaned. He didn’t know why he’d been so afraid, Alex always told him - with words or body - if he was okay. And he was okay. “I love you, baby. So much.” He began gently thrusting, and Alex shouted an enthusiastic “yes”. _Why was I even worried?_

The frictionless movement of Michael inside him was everything Alex had known he needed and more than he imagined at the same time. The fullness and heat and god he wanted it harder, even if he knew he’d be sore. “Michael, oh fuck, more, please.”

Michael groaned and sped up. Alex’s litany of ‘yes’ clued him in that he wasn’t going too hard. He felt Alex’s fingernails on his back and his legs were tight around his waist and he felt like he was going to die if he didn’t kiss him that second. It was deep and messy and when Alex pulled his head back to breathe he moved his lips to his neck. Even holding back to keep from hurting Alex, he was getting close. He shifted his weight to his left arm so he could stroke Alex with his right.

Alex was pretty sure what came out of his mouth was Michael’s name when he started pumping his cock. “Oh god, yes, god, Michael--” 

Watching Alex come while he was buried deep inside him was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen, and Michael groaned out his own orgasm a few moments later. He collapsed onto Alex’s chest. 

Words utterly failed Alex for a good three minutes after he came. All he could do was lay there, pressed into the mattress by Michael’s weight on top of him, completely relaxed and flooded with all the chemicals his brain made to convince him that life was beautiful and that he should bond closely with his mate. Not that that was an issue. Or that Michael could really be his mate if they weren’t going to produce offspring. _Who cares._ His thoughts made him laugh, though, and that stirred Michael. 

“Okay, baby?” Michael pushed up onto his elbows to look down at Alex. 

Alex cupped Michael’s cheek. “Okay doesn’t even begin to cover it.” He tugged Michael down for a kiss. “I don’t think amazing begins to cover it.”

Michael happily kissed Alex again. “I’m glad. I’d say fabulous might come close.”

“Nah, still falls short.” He smiled up at Michael. “I love you so much.”

“Love you too, Alex. Always.” He kissed him again. “I have to move, okay?”

He nodded. “It’s fine.” He moaned quietly when he felt Michael’s softening cock slide free of his body. “God that felt good.”

Michael settled himself beside Alex and smiled when he turned on his side so they could see each other. “All of it?”

“Yah, all of it.” Alex’s eyes fell closed as he thought about it. “It was perfect.”

“I’m glad, baby.” Michael brushed his fingers along Alex’s lips. He wanted to ask if he’d hurt him, but didn’t exactly know how. ‘Scale of 1-10, how bad does your ass hurt right now’ wasn’t exactly good pillow talk. “I don’t want to ruin the mood, but, uh--”

Alex giggled and kissed him. “My ass is fine. It hurt a little but I’m completely fine.”

“That’s a relief.” He kissed Alex again, soft and sweet. “Do you feel any different?”

“Not yet, but I’m still sorta floating so we’ll see when I come back down to earth.”

Chuckling, Michael pressed another kiss to Alex’s smiling lips. “It’ll just keep getting better, too.”

“Mm, I know.” He didn’t say it, but Alex was thinking it would be better for Michael when he was a little less scared for Alex. “Can you turn on your back so we can snuggle?”

“Of course, baby.” They scooted around to achieve their favorite position, wrapped around each other tightly, Alex’s head pillowed on Michael’s chest. “We’ll need to clean up soon.”

Alex nodded against his chest. “I know, I just need to be with you for a little bit.” 

Michael kissed his forehead. “Anything you need.” He relaxed, content that the most profound sexual experience of his life had been everything Alex wanted. 

“I was thinking about going back to sleep,” Alex murmured after a few minutes, “But there are some problems I really need to attend to in the shower.” 

“Yah, shower time.” 

“Very unique feeling.” He laughed at the look on Michael’s face. “It’s exactly what you’re thinking.”

“Oh. Super gross?”

Alex laughed again. “No, not really. Just weird.”

“I guess I’ll find out soon enough.” He dropped down off the bed. “Need help?”

“No,” Alex laughed, sliding off the bed. “I’m okay, really.” He gave Michael a smacking kiss. “You are the sweetest, kindest, gentlest, most amazing boyfriend in the world. I can still move, sweetheart.”

They didn’t take as much time in the shower as they had the night before, and Michael gave Alex a little privacy to finish things up. Alex didn’t know if it was because Michael thought he needed privacy, or he just didn’t want to be there while he tried to clean his nether regions, but forgot about it by the time he was dry and dressed in comfy sweats. 

Michael was in the middle of swapping the black sheets for the blue-striped ones when Alex exited the bathroom. “Oh, thanks sweetheart. We can do laundry tomorrow.”

“Yah, not today, it’s a holiday.” He grinned when Alex laughed. “That or maybe I just don’t want to do anything besides hold onto you all day.”

“That sounds like a wonderful afternoon, but I’m going to eat some leftover pizza first.”

“Save some for me.”

They did both fall asleep for a little while, and Alex woke up when the sun was getting low in the west and the light was turning honey gold. Michael was still asleep, wrapped around him, and he kissed his chin and his cheek and his nose before finally waking him with a kiss to his lips, like a fairytale princess. 

“Hey baby,” Michael mumbled, confused. “Did we fall asleep?”

Alex laughed softly. “Yah, we slept hard for a couple hours.” He squeezed Michael and felt him kiss the top of his head. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” He reluctantly released Alex when he moved away to stretch. “Still okay?”

Knowing what Michael was asking, he sat up and wiggled around a little. “Think so. Wouldn’t want to ride a bike or anything, but I’m fine.” He grinned at Michael’s sleepy laughter. “You prepped me really well, Michael, I’m okay.”

“I’m glad. How do you feel now, like, emotionally?”

Alex settled back down on his side, propped up on his elbow so he could smile directly into Michael’s eyes. “I feel amazing.” He leaned down and kissed him. “I’m happy. I’m relieved that you’re not scared to hurt me anymore, because I know that was running around in circles in your head.” He smiled when Michael huffed out a sigh and nodded. “I’m glad my first time was with someone I love.” He leaned in for another kiss. “I love you and it was perfect and I can’t wait to do it again.”

“I don’t know why I was afraid you’d be traumatized, you’ve never even been _nervous_ about messing around, and you, like, never hesitate when you want something.”

That was extremely concerning. “Michael, did you..not like your first time?” 

“Oh, no, I did,” he hurried to reassure him. “No, it wasn’t bad, nothing bad. I was scared and didn’t know what to do, and Ryan was really careful, but it still hurt. I wasn’t traumatized, either, I don’t know why I was so worried about that.”

Alex cupped his cheek. “Because you love me and know I’ve had a traumatizing life and were afraid that if you hurt me I’d never forgive you and everything would be ruined and I’d feel abused.” He brushed his thumb over Michael’s jaw. “But that was never going to happen. I know even if you had tried to explain that to me, no matter how many ways I reassured you, you wouldn’t believe it. You’ve gone through too much and care too much to take things at face value, especially when it comes to me. It was more of a big deal for _you_ to trust _me_ that I was really ready than it was for _me_ to trust _you._ I knew you wouldn’t hurt me intentionally, and that I wouldn’t be upset even if it hurt a lot. You didn’t trust _yourself_ to make it good enough for me to be okay, so you just had to trust _me_ that I would be okay.” Alex smiled. “I’m so much more than okay, sweetheart. I’m _yours.”_

Michael lifted his hand to touch Alex’s cheek. “You’re really fucking smart,” he whispered. “I didn’t even realize all of that, but you’re right.” Alex was just smiling and sweet and beautiful and perfect and _his._ “I love you so fucking much Alex.” He pulled Alex down for a kiss with gentle pressure to the back of his neck. “I’m yours.”

“You’re mine,” Alex replied, nodding. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, y'know, that was long.
> 
> I only got an A in audiology my first semester because half the class skipped the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and we got 5 free extra credit points. Edged me from an A- to an A. 
> 
> Going forward, we still have some big things to deal with, but not as much day-to-day world building, so I think things will move a little faster? The next big thing is Christmas, then the next big thing after that is spring break, then the next big thing after that is the end of school. I'm not saying, by any means, that this fic is going to be over in a few chapters, I'm just saying second semester is not 21 chapters long they way first semester was/is. I'm working on chapter 21 right now, I was patiently awaiting my beta reader to have a day off to read.
> 
> In other news, I read Red White & Royal Blue and it's ADORABLE. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it, it's like reading 418 pages of the BEST gay fanfiction EVER. It's an easy read from a technical reading standpoint, but it's significantly above the level of most romance novels. The language is so now and the characters are so relatable and it's just so CUTE omg, I cannot emphasize enough how CUTE it is. I have some plot bunnies bouncing around, but I'm not doing anything until this fic is done.
> 
> And this week's Roswell episode, as much as I am a die hard Malex shipper, I was really hoping for a Falex/Forlex (both awkward ship names lol) kiss! Maria continued to have the BEST wardrobe on the show, but did you see the nice new coat that Michael was wearing? Since things with Max have gotten better he's a lot cleaner, and he must be either working more or giving more fucks if he's getting new clothes (or maybe Maria bought the coat for him, idk). Okay, also, did anyone else catch that the gay bar is Planet 7? The 7th planet in the solar system is URANUS. 😂 
> 
> Chapter title: Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie


	21. A Long December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a transitional chapter while we wrap up what happened in the last chapter and get ready for the Christmas break. There is some important content, but it's not as intense as the last chapter by a long shot! It's shorter too. Un-beta-ed so any typos or grammatical errors are mine alone.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/49928644351/in/dateposted-public/)

“I can’t believe you had sushi for Thanksgiving dinner.”

They were all on the futon in 214. Alex had his back against his desk drawers with Michael’s head in his lap, Maria was directly across the mattress with her back against Michael’s desk. “How can you not believe it, we sent you pictures.” Alex looked down when Michael laughed. “It was awesome.”

“It was awesome,” Michael agreed. “It’s too bad sushi is so expensive, I could really get used to having it.”

“Fish is gross.” Maria watched them together. Alex had a soft little smile on his face while he messed with Michael’s hair. She picked on them for being so affectionate with each other, but really, she was both amazed and jealous. They just seemed to go together, like, their love was so effortless, it was obvious they loved each other the same amount and weren’t holding anything back from each other. She’d never had that. She’d always held back her ugly parts and unflattering parts and tried to make herself into the best possible Maria with her boyfriends, and looking at them from the outside, she could see that they’d _never_ done that. The naked honesty between them was precious and she wondered if they even knew that. They didn’t _pretend_ for each other. They were obviously each other’s best friends, and just as obviously, the loves of each other’s lives. Alex was right about there being a cosmic connection between them, she could feel it. “Hey, I brought the crystals.”

“Oh yah!” Alex ruffled Michael’s hair. “Sit up.”

Michael grumbled but managed to be vertical. “Okay, DeLuca, show us the magic rocks.”

“You are _such_ a jerk,” she complained. “And after I made the effort to get the _perfect_ stones for you.”

“I’ll suspend my disbelief.” He watched as Maria pulled a few brown velvet bags from her purse. “Okay, this is fancier than I was expecting.”

“Presentation is just as important as the product,” she quipped. 

“What’s in the big one?”

“That one’s for you.” Maria placed the larger velvet bag in Alex’s hand. “Open it.”

Alex tugged the little drawstrings loose and tipped the stone into his palm. “Oh, cool, this is gorgeous! Amethyst, right?”

Maria nodded. “It’s a piece of a huge geode. You said you wanted a cluster.”

“I did, this is really cool. What does amethyst do?”

“It improves intuition and psychic abilities, helps with meditation, positive energy, protection, purification, and wisdom. Also, affordable in cluster form.”

Michael and Alex both laughed. “Too bad I don’t have any psychic abilities,” Alex complained.

“You actually do, you’re kinda empathic,” Maria argued. “You have good intuition, and you know what other people are feeling.”

“Huh.” Alex turned that over in his mind. _I wonder if that’s why Michael can feel my love? _ What a wonderful thought. “What else did you get?”

She peeked inside one of the small bags. “This one’s yours, Guerin.”

Michael took the little bag and dropped the stone out into his hand. “Holy shit.” It was a polished, irregularly shaped stone that was like a dark rainbow, and the light seemed to move the colors around as he turned it this way and that. “What is this?”

“Labradorite. Also enhances intuition and psychic abilities, good for supporting mental health, brings protection, and is really, really pretty.”

“It’s really pretty,” Michael agreed, suppressing a shudder with Maria’s mention of psychic powers. “I don’t know if I believe in any of the uses, but it’s fascinating to look at.” He passed it to Alex so he could see it. “Thank you, I really like it.”

“I want some jewelry made with this.” Alex was in love with the dark stone. “I wonder if I can get beads?”

“Oooo, we could go to one of those places to make your own bead jewelry!”

Michael cocked an eyebrow at Maria. “Those exist?”

“Yep, you pay by the bead.”

“I don’t know if I want to do that,” Alex laughed, “But this would make really pretty jewelry.”

Maria looked at the next bag. “This one’s yours, too, Guerin.”

This time Michael was excited to open the little pouch. It was a small pyramid of a bright green stone. Up close, Michael could see flecks of gold trapped in the green strata. “What’s this one?”

“Aventurine. Positive energy, hope, joy, confidence, vitality, and money.” She grinned when Michael and Alex laughed. “Remember me when you’re rich.”

“It’s a pyramid, that’s so cool.”

“It’s a traditional shape that holds power.”

“What’s the last one?” Alex asked. “Is it for me? Cuz that would rock.”

Maria deadpanned. “You’re dead to me.”

He grinned, unrepentant. “The highest compliment a pun can receive.”

She shoved the bag into his hands, still unimpressed. “And I put effort into this. Why even.”

Alex untied the strings and pulled out the stone. It was one of the most unusual rocks he’d ever seen. It was like two pyramids that grew into each other. It was mostly semi-transparent, milky white, but had bands of greens, blues, and purples. “Whoa, Maria, this is really cool. What is it?”

“Fluorite. That’s how the crystals grow naturally. It’s for clarity, focus, purification, imagination, and creativity. According to the Native American lady at the shop, though, if you put it under your pillow it prevents nightmares.”

“Oh, wow.”

“This one’s special. It’s called fluorite because sometimes it fluoresces under a black light. I tested this one, and it _does.”_

“Oh my god, that’s so cool.” Alex passed the crystal to Michael, who was just as impressed by it. “It really is a magic rock.” He took the stone back from Michael and turned it in his hand. “Did you get yourself anything?”

“Yah, hang on.” She moved things around in her purse. “Oh I forgot about these!” She pulled out more bags, two brown ones and two small red ones. “These are for you because you’re so fucking gross.” She handed them each a little red velvet bag.

Michael and Alex looked at each other, then opened them. They were small, polished, pink stone hearts. “Is this rose quartz?” 

Maria nodded. “Yep, the stone of love.” She’d thought they’d laugh at them, but once Alex had asked about the stone, he seemed very focused on it. “I really thought you guys would think this was funny.”

Alex smiled. “We don’t have anything else that’s a matched set for both of us. It’s kinda cool.”

“My thoughts exactly, baby.” He kissed Alex’s forehead.

In a blinding flash of insight, Maria knew that they were going to design their wedding bands themselves and use matching chips of stone in them. _Meteorites? Oh god, they’re such dorks._ She shook her head to clear the vision, they didn’t need to know about it. “You guys are such dorks.” They _did_ need to know that. 

“Shut up.” Alex just smiled at Michael for a minute before turning back to Maria. “Thank you, these are fantastic. What did you buy?”

“Oh yah, my stuff.” She opened the larger brown bag and dumped a bunch of clear quartz points into her hand. “I’m going to wrap these with wire to make necklaces. The girls in my classes like mine so much that they want their own.” 

“Oh cool.” Alex hesitated to touch them. “Is it okay?”

“Yah, they’re not cleansed.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “How do you ‘cleanse’ a crystal?”

“Let it sit in sunlight for a few days.”

“I see.” Michael tried to decide if his next question was humoring her, or making fun of her. “Do we need to ‘cleanse’ the stones you brought us?”

“If you plan to use them as focus stones in a ritual type thing, yes. To just look cool and have good vibes? Probably not. But the more people who touch a stone the more layers of energy residue that are on it, like psychic fingerprints. On a clear quartz, which is for focusing your energy, having all those other minds on it is like swimming in a porta potty.” 

They laughed, completely grossed out and amused at the same time. “Okay, so ours probably don’t need to be cleansed, good to know.” Michael looked at the little pyramid. “I really like this.”

“I knew you would. Engineers appreciate stable shapes.”

Michael looked at the stone in his palm. “Okay, yah, I can see that. Pyramids and arches are my favorite engineering innovations of the ancient world.” 

“Arches are fascinating,” Alex agreed, surprising both Michael and Maria. “I really thought about going for architecture when we studied medieval engineering in history.”

“Every time I think I have you figured out, you say something that surprises me, baby.”

“And every time I think I know the depths of what a dork you are, you blow me away.”

“Dork waters run deep,” Alex answered sarcastically. “The cathedral of Chartre is one of my favorite buildings of all time, purely because of the engineering that went into it. Stone masons were the rock stars of the medieval period.”

Michael was tickled. “Flying buttresses are insanely cool, 100% agree.”

“Sweet Jesus you guys are dorks.”

Alex flipped her off. “What else did you buy? You’ve got another bag there.”

Maria picked up the last bag and opened it. “It’s a rainbow moonstone.” She held the pale blue stone up to the light and moved it so they could see the rainbows formed by the inclusions. “I have earrings but I wanted an actual stone I could have with me.”

“What does it do?”

“Well, it inspires balance, harmony, hope, endurace, creativity, compassion, and confidence. It also helps promote intuition and psychic abilities, but specifically helps you see visions that you wouldn’t normally be open to.”

“How will you know if it works?” Alex reached out toward the stone and watched as Maria pulled it away. “You already cleansed it?”

She nodded. “I don’t usually get strong visions, usually just feelings. Intuition. We’ll see if I have more pictures with my stories.” She didn’t mention that she knew what their wedding rings were going to look like now. “I might just have more vivid dreams if I put it under my pillow.”

“That would be cool.”

They talked for a little longer before Maria went back up to her room, wanting to get all of her laundry put away before going to bed for class in the morning. Michael had resumed his position with his head in Alex’s lap, and Alex was just gently running his fingers through his hair, supremely content. “I love you,” he murmured.

Michael opened his eyes a crack and smiled up at his boyfriend. “Love you too.” He reached up to cup his cheek. “Are you going to tell Maria we finally had sex?”

Alex laughed. “At some point I’m going to have to. She’s going to want all kinds of details.”

“She’s such a perv. Maybe you should block off some time in your schedule. Call a meeting. Have charts and graphs.”

“Oh god, that would be so funny, but she’d enjoy that way too much. I feel like she needs to suffer a little to get information out of me.”

“She should,” Michael laughed. He sat up with a significant amount of effort. “What time is it?”

“No idea.” Alex felt around for his phone and found it near his knee. “10:33.”

“I know we’ve spent a lot of time in bed this weekend--” Michael grinned when Alex laughed, “--but I kinda just wanna take a shower and go to bed.”

“It’s too late to start a movie or anything, too late to go anywhere, no I get it.’ He stretched. “We’ll have to shower fast since Dean and Seamus will want to use the bathroom.”

“After the leisurely showers we’ve been taking, that sounds like a crying shame.”

They put their shiny new stones on their desks, put away the futon, and got out pajamas. Even a short shower was good when they got to share it, and Alex combed Michael’s hair for him. They made vague plans to get him a haircut sometime during the week. They climbed into bed, and even though they did it every night, it was still amazing to cuddle close and fall asleep together.

***

“Sit down and shut up, we have a lot to cover and freshmen have no concept of time.”

Michael laughed softly and saw that Alex and Maria were chuckling too. Dr. Dishman had a way with words.

“We have two weeks until finals. You have two essays due. I’ll have your grades posted before finals week. If you want to take your grades as the final, I’ll need an email no later than 11:59 pm Saturday night before finals. No exceptions. If you don’t email me and don’t show up for the final exam at the time in the finals guide, you’re fucked.” 

“None of us are taking the final, right?” Alex murmured.

“I guess it depends on how well we do on our next two essays.” Maria shrugged. “And we haven’t gotten our poems back.”

Loud banging silenced the hum of voices in the lecture hall. “Okay, your poem grades will be up today, but I picked a couple that actually didn’t suck to the extent that I had to have my TA’s do research to make sure they weren’t plagiarized to read to the class today. I won’t call names, but you know who you are.”

The first one was amazing, an Elizabethan sonnet, with all the rhyming and iambic pentameter, but about racism. It was fantastic. Even though they didn’t know the author, he or she got a standing ovation. Maria wanted to hear it rapped. 

The second one was a free verse that seemed to be about circle of life type stuff until you got to the end and realized it was about having an abortion at 13. Alex and Maria both teared up. That one got a standing ovation too.

The third one, though.

“This is the best haiku I’ve ever gotten. Usually they’re shit, a lazy cop out for someone who doesn’t want to work, but this one wins. It’s called ‘For Alex’ so Alex, your boyfriend doesn’t completely suck.

_“With you the journey  
Is just as amazing as  
The destination.”_

Michael was basically shellshocked, he couldn’t believe that Dr. Dishman had _actually_ read his poem out loud. To a lecture hall of over 100 students. And he was getting a standing ovation. Even from Alex and Maria. Alex was crying a little. He reached out and Michael took his hand, wondering what he was doing.

Alex tugged Michael to his feet, framed his face with his hands, and kissed him, right there in the middle of class, where anyone and everyone could see. “I told you,” he laughed. “I told you she’d read it out loud.”

When everyone sat back down Michael took Alex’s hand and squeezed. “Love you.” He smiled when Alex leaned over and kissed his cheek.

“I love you too.”

By the end of class, they had the notes done for the expository essay response they had to do, and all three felt confident that they wouldn’t have to take the final. “I’m thinking about doing the second essay this week and turning it in early.” 

“Alex, you’ve always been an overachiever, but seriously.”

“I’ll know sooner if I have to take the final if I get my essay done ahead of time.”

“That’s actually a good idea,” Michael agreed. “We’ve already done one of these, and we’re gonna nail the second one, we can probably do the third one without waiting for class discussion.”

“And really, nothing we’ve done has been hard, and even though Dr. Dishman seems like a hard ass, she grades fairly.”

Maria rolled her eyes. “Okay, you guys do your essays early. I’m going to wait until we go over it in class and see who gets the better grade.”

“Loser buys the winners coffee.”

“Alex, you drink too much coffee.”

“You say that like that’s even possible.”

Maria rolled her eyes again. “See you guys later.”

It was a cold day, and Alex followed Michael to his Algebra class to kiss him goodbye where it was warm. They were standing away from the door since they had a few minutes. Michael tugged him close. “Thanks for the kiss during English.”

Alex smiled. “How could I _not_ kiss you when the poem you wrote for me got a standing ovation?”

“Still.” Alex had never kissed him in front of that many people before. “It was great.”

“Well I love you, and everyone should know it.”

_This is...amazing._ Alex had been so scared, and now he was so open, and it made Michael feel like a million bucks. “I love you too, baby. And now everyone knows it.” 

“We’re so gross and I don’t even care,” Alex laughed. 

“Vile,” Michael agreed. “I have to go, baby.”

“Okay. See you after class.” He gave Michael a sweet kiss, hugged him tight, and watched him go into class. He really was tickled that Michael’s poem to him had been read aloud in English.

On his way to computer science, Alex heard his phone chime but didn’t want to get it out in the cold wind, and waited until he got to his classroom. It was actually from his piano teacher, Dr. Morrow, cancelling his lesson because she was snowed in and stuck in Colorado. _The entire afternoon is free! I can get so much homework done, and spend time with Michael, and maybe paint my nails, they look like shit._ Michael would actually paint his nails for him, he always did. It was a bonding thing, just like it had been the first time. _If I loved him any more, my heart would just explode._

“What’s with that face?”

Alex blinked to see Junko standing in front of him. “I don’t know, what face was I making?”

She rolled her eyes. “You were obviously thinking about Michael, you get this little smile when you think about him.” 

“We can’t all be expressionless in the face of true love like you, Junko.” Alex laughed when she flipped him off. “No, really, though, I was just thinking about how I need to paint my nails and Michael always does it for me.” He held out his chipped and disappointing fingers for Junko’s disapproval. 

“You should get a gel manicure so it lasts longer.” She held out her own black-painted nails. “I can go three weeks between manicures without it chipping.”

“The point of it is _Michael_ painting them, not the polish lasting.”

“Do you paint his nails?”

Alex shook his head. “No, I comb his hair for him sometimes.”

“I have to admit, _very_ reluctantly, that that is cute.” She shook her head. “You should still get a top coat for your nails so they don’t chip so fast.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re bossy?”

“Everyone I’ve ever met.”

When Alex let himself into the room after class, Michael was at his desk, but he turned and held out his arms for a hug when Alex walked in. He gratefully let himself be squeezed and leaned down for a kiss. “I’m starving.”

Michael laughed. “Of course you are.” He got his coat and they went to lunch. They had enchilada soup, and Alex professed it to be the best of his two favorite foods, enchiladas and soup.

“This is actually really good,” Michael agreed. He didn’t usually get soup but was really enjoying it. “The rainbow colored tortilla strips really add to the experience.”

“Agreed. This would be great with a margarita.”

“How much fucking drinking did you do in high school?”

Alex laughed. “I just like margaritas, we got mix and made virgin ones all the time.” 

“Gotcha.”

“I don’t have piano today, Dr. Morrow is stuck in Colorado.”

“Whatever will we do with all the free time?” Michael replied, batting his eyelashes. 

“I was thinking homework.”

“Yah me too, actually.”

Lunch was a distant memory and they were both done with their essays for English when Alex’s phone rang. He jumped a foot in the air when _I Write Sins Not Tragedies_ blasted into the room. “Oh fuck, it’s Flint.” He looked at Michael in horror as he answered the call. “Hello?”

Michael was sure his face was reflecting his concern. _Flint’s the oldest one, who’s the most homophobic. What the fuck does he want?_

“Hey little bro, how’s college life?”

“It’s good,” Alex replied cautiously. “I just finished an essay and was going to start my computer science homework.”

“You’re _actually doing_ homework? I thought you’d be partying up a storm.”

Alex pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at it skeptically. “No, not a big partier, plus I’m under age and they card around here. What’s up?” _Why would he think I’d go crazy partying? _

“I’m gonna to be in Roswell for the week of Christmas. Just that week.”

“Oh, really? Why?”

“Do you remember my friend Eddie Vazquez?”

Alex had an unpleasant memory of Eddie holding his head underwater in the kiddy pool in their backyard. “Yah.”

“His mom died of cancer, and this is his first Christmas without her, so he asked all of us to come home and keep him company.” Flint paused. “I’m flying into Albuquerque, so I thought I could pick you up, take you home for Christmas, and bring you back before I fly out.”

Alex seriously couldn’t think of anything he wanted to do _less,_ but something about Flint’s tone caught his attention. He sounded...unsure. In a blinding flash, he realized, _Flint doesn’t want to be alone with Dad._ His oldest brother was still afraid of their father. “Okay, yah, that could work. I wasn’t planning on going home.”

“I, uh, kinda figured. But your friends are going home, too, right? You can hang out with your friends while you’re at home.”

_Flint...also doesn’t want me to be alone with Dad._ That was interesting. “Yah, Maria and Liz will both be home.”

“Cool. I’m flying in at the crack of dawn New Mexico time on the 22nd, that Monday. It’s like, 35 minutes from the airport to campus, so I’d be there at like 7:30?”

“Oh god, Flint, that really is the crack of dawn.”

“You can catch up on your beauty sleep in the car.”

“Haha. What day are you flying out?”

“That Saturday, the 27th. That flight’s at 7:10 am.”

“Why the fuck would you do that to yourself?” 

He listened to Flint laugh. “You have no idea how cheap these tickets were.” 

“Where are you even flying in _from?” _

“North Carolina.”

“Ooooh, your girlfriend.”

Flint groaned. “Who told you, bro?”

“Chris.” Alex thought for a second. “Is she pissed you’re missing Christmas with her?”

Heavy sigh. “Yah. I’m going to propose on Valentine’s day, though, so I hope that makes up for it.”

“Oh, wow, that’s exciting.” _I literally cannot imagine anything worse than being married to Flint. _

“Anyway, I’ll be in touch, and I’ll see you in a couple Mondays.”

“Okay, yah. See you then.” He looked at the phone when the call disconnected. “I cannot believe that just happened.”

Michael made a face. “What just happened? That sounded like you agreeing to go home for Christmas with your older brother.”

“That’s exactly what happened.”

“Alex, _why?”_

He blinked, eyes wide. “One of his friends asked the whole group from their high school days to come home because it’s his first Christmas with no family. Flint doesn’t want to be alone with Dad.”

“Whoa, really?”

Alex nodded. “He doesn’t want me alone with him either, he was making sure I’d have friends to be with.”

“Isn’t Flint like 30?”

“29.” He shook his head. “There’s nothing I want to do less than go home for Christmas, but I-I can’t do that to him, and I can’t leave him alone with Dad. I haven’t seen Flint in years, and I think he’s bigger than Dad now, but he’s still scared of him. I have to help him.” He looked at Michael miserably. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no it’s okay,” Michael assured him, even though he was really fucking disappointed. “I know you couldn’t say no to your brother needing help. But please, baby, don’t let yourself be alone in the house with your dad.”

“No.” Alex shook his head. “No, I’ll go to Maria’s or hang out at the Crashdown with Liz while Flint is with Eddie.”

“Okay.” Michael just looked at Alex’s sad face for a minute. “I know you didn’t want to see him again.”

“It’s not even that,” Alex replied. “I wanted to spend Christmas with you.” 

Michael watched Alex wipe a tear away, and scooted around to his side of the futon. “I wanted to spend it with you, too, baby. But I understand.” _Even though I feel like I was just shot in the chest, that’s all. It’s okay, I’m used to disappointment._

“It’s not fair, though,” Alex argued. “You were finally going to get to have a _good_ Christmas, I was going to get Junko to drive me so I could buy you a _good_ present, I wanted _you_ to be happy.”

“You’re the sweetest thing.” He wrapped his arms around Alex and felt him squeeze him in return. “It’s okay. I really do understand, no matter how much it sucks.” He pulled away enough that Alex looked up. “We’ll have Christmas before you go or after you come back.” He kissed him very softly. “You know you don’t have to get me anything, right?”

Alex gave him a look. “Uh, yes, I do. You are my boyfriend, I love you, it’s our first Christmas together, you deserve a gift.” He rolled his eyes. “You deserve a million presents but obviously I’m not a billionaire.”

“How cheesy is it for me to say you’re my gift?”

“That’s really cheesy, but I kinda feel that way too, so we’re basically nachos?”

Michael cracked up. “Dork. I was planning to get you something, too.”

“See? If you’re getting me something, I’m getting you something.”

“I should try to say another ‘no, you don’t have to,’ but I actually really do want a present.”

Alex laughed a little. “Okay, me too.”

Michael ran his fingers through Alex’s hair. “It’ll be okay.”

“I know you’re disappointed though. You’re putting on a brave face for me but you’re disappointed.”

He sighed. “Yah, I am.”

“I’m sorry.” Alex sighed, breath catching a little as he tried not to cry. 

“Alex, really, it’s okay.”

“Just one more example of how my dad tries to ruin everyone’s lives.”

“It’s control.” Michael waited while Alex looked up. “It’s all about control. He thinks he owns you guys, he wants to control your lives. He did it through abuse, and now he does it through fear. In his mind, you’re his, and he’s going to control what you do and how you do it.”

“He doesn’t love us, though. At least, he doesn’t love me.”

“No, but he’s attached to you because he feels like you’re his property. What you and your brothers do reflects directly on him, because you’re his. It’s all about him.” He brushed his fingers down Alex’s cheek. “What he did, when he broke your ribs - that was all about him, too. He knew that you were going to come out of your shell when you got here, he knew he wasn’t going to be able to control you anymore, so he wanted to make sure you were always thinking about him, and fearing him, so that he still had control of you all the way out here. So you’d know that if you stepped a toe out of line he could do that or worse the next time he saw you.”

Alex laughed humorlessly. “I bet he didn’t expect me to just never come back.”

“No, because he owns you and if you know your place, it’s where he can control you.”

“He was happy I wasn’t going home for Thanksgiving because I’d just embarrassed him with my pictures on Facebook. I’m really glad I didn’t go home, I bet he would have broken more bones.”

Michael nodded. “Yah, my thoughts exactly.”

Alex took a deep breath and let it back out. “I’ll cope. I always do.”

“I know you do.” Michael kissed his forehead. “Just stay out of his way.”

“I plan on it.” Alex gave Michael a little kiss. “Do me a favor?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t spend Christmas here by yourself. Ask one of your friends if you can spend it with them.”

“Baby, I can’t do that.”

“Yah you can. Jaime is _Mexican._ If you think his mom is going to let you sit in this room without tamales and Jesus on Christmas day, you’ve got another thing coming.”

“I’d feel weird.”

“I know. But there’s always room for one more at a Latino table on Christmas.”

Michael sighed. “Okay, I’ll ask.”

“Where’s your phone?”

“Right here, why?”

“Text him now so I know you don’t weasel out of it to avoid bothering him.”

He aimed a glare at his boyfriend. “Damn it.” 

_Michael: Okay so guys I have a problem that Alex says you can solve._

_ Jenny: Okay hit me_

_ Jaime: tell alex i dont work cheap i expect food out of this_

_ Jenny: Lol _

_ Michael: He has to go home for Christmas now and demands that I not spend it alone._

_ Krista: Shoot I’ll be in Hawaii or you could come to my house._

_ Jaime: mama sanchez will not stand for that _

_ Jaime: hang on_

_ Jenny: If you can’t go to Jaime’s you can come to my place_

_ Jenny: My brothers always bring friends and their roommates_

Michael was unbelievably touched by the kindness of his friends. He couldn’t imagine any of his foster families taking in another child at the holidays, even though they were literally taking in other people’s children. 

_Michael: Thanks guys._

_ Jaime: ok write this down well get you at 1030 on xmas eve for mass_

_ Jaime: we go have pancakes at dennys after mass then well take you home_

_ Jaime: be back at noon to get you on xmas day_

_ Jaime: youre gonna learn to make tamales and elotes_

_ Jaime: youre probably gonna be really fucking drunk by the end of the day_

_ Jaime: youre gonna learn the meaning of too much food_

_ Jaime: if you can get my uncles car running youre adopted for life _

Michael laughed out loud at the flood of information.

“What did he say?”

“That if I can fix his uncle’s car I’m adopted.” He grinned at Alex. “I can get his car running.”

“I knew Jaime would want you to come over.”

_Michael: I can probably get your uncle’s car running._

_ Michael: I deeply appreciate this Jaime. If I can ever pay you back let me know._

_ Jaime: you dont owe me dude_

_ Jaime: hey you play guitar right_

_ Michael: Yes._

_ Jaime: bring it with you_

“Were you going to take your guitar home?”

Alex shook his head. “No, I don’t want Dad to break it if he gets pissed about the Facebook pics.”

“Can I borrow it for my trip to Jaime’s for Christmas dinner?”

“Oh, yah, of course.”

_Michael: Alex said I could borrow his guitar. Should I learn any songs?_

_ Jaime: xmas songs see if you can find something they dont know_

_ Michael: A challenge I like it._

_ Jenny: I’m glad that’s sorted out_

_ Michael: Me too. You guys are the best._

“I’m challenged to learn a Christmas song Jaime’s family won’t know.”

“How good are you with time signatures?”

“Um, I don’t know?” Michael looked at Alex’s face and was both intrigued and afraid. “What are you thinking?”

“It’s _really_ hard to play, but there’s a version of Deck the Halls in 7/8 time that sounds wicked cool and it’s _really_ impressive.”

“Can _you_ play it?”

Alex shook his head. “Nope, but you’re a better guitarist than I am, so you could probably learn it.”

Michael’s eyes widened. “You think I’m better than you are?”

“Well, yah. I thought so from the beginning. I’m a musician. I play guitar. You’re an artist, when you play it’s like the instrument is an extension of you.”

“Baby,” he answered softly. “I don’t know if that’s true, but you’re _amazing.”_

“I’m okay,” Alex disagreed. “I learn songs. I string chords together. You, just, you _are_ the music when you play, it’s your heart vibrating in the air.”

“Don’t knock being able to learn music,” Michael answered, uncomfortable with the praise. 

“No, I know that’s a good thing. But you can learn music too.” Alex shrugged. 

Michael framed Alex’s face with his hands. “Listen to me, and don’t argue. You are extremely talented. Every time you play and sing I think it’s a shame you’re not planning to make music your life. I’ve heard your original stuff and it’s straight from the heart, so don’t try to tell me that your soul isn’t in the music when you play.” He squeezed his cheeks, making Alex laugh. “You. Are. Amazing.” He punctuated each word with a smoosh. 

“Okay, okay,” Alex laughed. “Do you wanna listen to the song?”

“Only if we’re both going to learn it.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “You’re stubborn. I’ll try to learn it.”

“You better.” He waited while Alex pulled up YouTube on his phone. “I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen a piece of music in 7/8 time.”

“It’s mostly in jazz music, it’s got a weird, unfinished feeling to it.” He scrolled through the available videos. “Here it is with a choir so you can hear all the words.” He tapped play and turned up the volume.

Michael listened, fascinated. It was absolutely the most unique Christmas carol he’d ever heard. “This is wild.”

“I know, it’s so cool. Here’s an instrumental version.” Alex listened to the guitar and piano parts. “This would be so hard on just one instrument.”

“Agreed.” They listened to another version, done by a jazz quartet. “I don’t think either one of us could really do this justice by ourselves.”

“I think I have to agree with you.” Alex sighed. “It’s a cool Christmas carol, though, don’t you think?”

“Extremely cool. But, like the choir was in eight-part harmony, there’s no way one of us could come close to that.”

“Now I have no desire to do homework, I just want to look for videos of crazy arrangements of Christmas songs.” He was scrolling when he had an inspiration. “Michael, do you know _Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring?”_

“Uh, that would be a no.” He raised an eyebrow at Alex’s excitement. “What?”

“Do you want to hear it on a video, or do you want me to play it for you? Because when you play this for Jaime’s family they’re gonna _die.”_

“You play it, baby.” He looked over Alex’s shoulder and carefully brought the guitar to his hand.

“Okay.” Alex quickly stripped the bag off the guitar and tossed it aside and strummed a chord. “Is it in tune? I tuned it Saturday but I don’t have _perfect pitch.”_ He said it in a comically snotty voice that made Michael laugh. They didn’t keep it in tune since the tension of the strings could damage the neck of the guitar. Alex had played Saturday, though, and hadn’t detuned it. 

“Mostly.” He held his breath as Alex started to play. Michael didn’t know what instrument this piece was originally written for, but it was _perfect_ for guitar. Clearly written in the Baroque period - and he’d hazard a guess that it was Bach - and so lilting and steady it was pure beauty. And Alex looked so damned pretty playing it, the blond wood of the guitar against the black sweater he was wearing, his soft hair across his forehead, the deft way he moved his fingers over the strings - fingers he’d felt all over his body and knew were as tender as the notes he was pulling from the guitar. He clapped when Alex finished. “That was outstanding, baby, bravo.”

“Oh, thank you. It’s a really beautiful piece.” 

“It _is_ really beautiful, but you’re also beautiful, and you played it beautifully.”

Alex laughed. “You might be a tiny bit biased.”

Michael put his hand over his heart and assumed a serious expression. “I am the soul of honesty. I never embellish on the truth.”

“Uh huh.” Alex was unconvinced. “Anyway, if you learn this they’ll be really fucking impressed.”

“I’ll listen to it a few more times later so I can get a feel for it before I try it.”

Nodding, Alex set the guitar aside. “There’s sheet music for it, too.”

“Is it Bach?”

“Yah,” he answered, smiling. “It was originally for harpsichord.”

“I wondered.” Michael looked through his assignment planner. “If Just Chris would post the lectures for the next two weeks on Blackboard, I could do the study guide and take the final tomorrow.”

“You could probably do the study guide anyway.”

“I really could. The book and his Power Points are identical.” He thought about it seriously for a minute. “Okay, yah, I bet I could finish it tonight and not have to worry about it.”

“It’s hard to believe that this is the last assignment I’m getting in my first computer science class. Next week is just a study guide for the final.”

“I’m stoked that we got classes together for next semester.”

“Calculus, English, _and_ music theory.”

“I wonder how different our music theory is than the one for music majors?”

Alex shrugged. “Probably more condensed and intended for people who aren’t going to be composers for a living.”

“It’ll still be cool though.” Michael sighed. “The only final I’m worried about is my physics lab. Larry is notorious for fucking people over just so they can’t get a 4.0.”

“Larry sucks.” Alex flipped to his class schedule grid. “Piano, no final; English, no final; lab, final next week but it’s really just another coding assignment, Jill already told us; music appreciation, we’ll kill that; history, currently rocking a 99%, study guide and final; college algebra, that’s gonna suck but we have the study guide; computer science, should be no problem.”

“Yah, algebra will be the most study-intensive. I like math, but I hate the math workload.”

“My thoughts exactly.” Alex closed his planner with a slap. “I should let Maria and Liz know I’m going home for Christmas.”

Michael sighed. “Yah.”

“I’m sorry, Michael.”

“No, stop, don’t be. I understand.” He kissed his forehead. “Text Maria and Liz.”

_Alex: Good news/bad news i’ll be home for xmas_

_ Alex: Flint is going home and is scared to be with dad_

_ Alex: Can I hang out with you so I’m not home alone with him_

Alex waited for a response. 

_Liz: Duh of course! I’ll be working part of the time but you can hang out._

_ Maria: Uh, why are you doing ANYTHING to help Flint?_

_ Alex: You didnt hear him on the phone_

_ Alex: He turned 29 and hes still scared of dad_

_ Alex: I cant not help him_

_ Liz: You’re a good brother Alex and a good person._

_ Maria: Come upstairs and let’s do a conference call._

_ Maria: Besides I need to interrogate you about your weekend._

“Maria wants me to come up and talk to her.”

“Go let her grill you on our sex life.” When Alex laughed he grinned. “I’m going to bang out my physics study guide.” He leaned in and accepted a kiss. “Love you, baby.”

“Love you too.” Alex closed his laptop and stood up. “If I’m gone for more than two hours, send a rescue party.” 

“Will do.”

Making sure he had his phone and his keys, Alex headed out the door and upstairs to Maria’s room. The door was propped open with the pink gnome, and he knocked lightly on the door as he walked in. “Hey.”

Maria was on her bed. “You. Get in here.”

“Why do I have such bossy friends?” Despite his complaint, Alex climbed up onto Maria’s bed. “Okay, I’m here.”

“What’s Michael doing?”

“The same thing I was doing, homework. We already turned in the essay for English.”

“Sweet Jesus, Alex, you’re such a nerd.” She grabbed her phone. “I’m going to call Liz.”

“Okay.”

Alex waited while the phone rang, looking at Maria’s stony face. She was pissed. After three rings Liz answered. “Hola mi amigos!”

“Okay, Alex, talk. _Why_ would you _ever_ do _anything_ nice for _Flint?”_

Alex had to laugh at the scandalized tone of Maria’s voice, and could hear Liz laughing too. “His friend Eddie asked him and a bunch of the other assholes they were friends with to come home to Roswell. His mom died of cancer, and she was the last family member he had in the US.”

“I give no fucks about Eddie Vazquez.” 

“He was an asshole,” Liz agreed. “I didn’t know his mom died, though. She was nice.”

“I don’t give a lot of fucks about Eddie either.” Alex sighed. “When Flint called me the last thing I wanted to do was go home for Christmas, but you didn’t hear him. He’s so afraid to be alone with Dad. He never tells anyone where he’s going or what he’s doing so Dad doesn’t find out. He wouldn’t have asked me to come with him unless he needed support. As soon as he asked he aggressively made sure you guys were also going to be there so _I’m_ not alone with Dad.”

Maria was unimpressed. “I thought you just weren’t going home again.”

“Maria, that’s not fair,” Liz argued. “This is kind of different.”

“I don’t want to go home. The last thing I want to do is go home. But if I can keep Flint from getting attacked, I need to. Even if he’s a total douche, he’s my brother, and he doesn’t deserve to be abused by his own father. Nobody could protect me, but I can protect him.” 

“Aw, Alex,” Liz replied softly. “You’re a sweetheart. Of course you have to help him.”

“Okay, I have to admit, that is a legit reason to help him. He’s still a homophobic piece of shit who votes republican.” 

“He hasn’t posted anything really awful on Facebook in a couple years, actually. I mean, he probably still votes republican, but he’s at least being less shitty on social media. And Chris randomly decided that it’s okay that I’m gay. He even said being gay doesn’t make you a bad soldier.” 

“Whoa, really?” Liz asked. “That’s awesome.”

“It was weird, but good, yah.”

“Huh.” Maria still wasn’t completely convinced, but had to admit that Alex was too good a person to let his brother suffer. “Okay, fine. Of course you can come to my house any time while you’re at home. We can both annoy Liz at the Crashdown.”

“Yeah! Okay, Rosa texted me that she invented a new milkshake so you get to taste test it. It’s pumpkin and has pie crust pieces in it! It’s been really popular.”

“That sounds fucking amazing.” Alex grinned at Maria. “What did she call it?”

“Interplanetary Pumpkin Pie. She said she tried throwing walnuts in it yesterday and it was a hit with her guinea pigs.”

“Ew, no, not in a milkshake,” Maria complained. “I only tolerate walnuts in banana bread because it’s _banana bread.”_

“They’re optional!”

“I like walnuts,” Alex argued. “But there’s no way I can dip fries in a pumpkin shake.”

“You shouldn’t do it anyway!” Maria yelled, drawing loud laughter from Alex and Liz. “Seriously, that’s your biggest personality flaw.” 

“My french fry habits count as part of my personality?”

“Absolutely.”

Liz was still laughing. “Hey, there’s a woman who comes in every week who orders extra pickle spears and dips them in her Strawberry Stardust malt with caramel on top, so Alex is _not_ the weirdest customer.” 

“Oh god, I forgot about her,” Alex laughed. “Did we ever figure out who she is?”

“No she always pays cash so we never catch her name!”

“We should tweet about her and see if anyone knows who she is.”

“There are probably like four people in Roswell with Twitter accounts,” Maria replied dryly. 

“Rosa, her friend Bianca, um...Isobel Evans, probably, but I don’t know who else.”

“Okay, so three people. Three people in Roswell use Twitter.” Alex shook his head. 

“Okay guys, I have to get back to work. My college algebra class has way too much homework.”

Alex groaned. “Mine too. It’s not really _hard,_ but there’s just so much _work.”_

“I hate math,” Maria complained. “Luckily I only have to take one math class.”

“I have to take so much math. I’m double majoring in bio and chem so I have to take, like, _all_ of the math.”

“I have to take a specific math for computer science that’s rumored to be unbelievably hard.”

“I have to take all these different stats classes too.”

“I’m so glad I’m majoring in dance.”

Alex and Liz both laughed. “Anyway, I have to go, I’ll text you later, okay?”

“K.”

“Okay.”

“Bye.”

Maria sighed. “I can’t believe you’re actually going home for Christmas.”

“I don’t want to. I wanted to spend Christmas with Michael snuggled up under a blanket humming Christmas carols and kissing.” 

“Speaking of being under blankets.” Maria gave him a look. “Talk.”

“What about?” 

“You know what. We haven’t talked recently and I_ know_ you’re hiding something.”

Alex laughed. “Well, you heard us tell each other we love each other, so you know that happened.”

“Yes, tell me about that.” Maria leaned forward, an accusatory look on her face. 

“It was really beautiful,” Alex answered softly. “Michael’s lab partners had bailed on him so we went out into the desert to watch the sunset. It was an unbelievable sunset. The moment was perfect, so I told him I loved him. He said he’d loved me since day one.”

“Okay, that is pretty sweet. I thought it was stupid that you were both waiting for ‘the perfect moment’ but you did, actually, find a perfect moment.”

“It was, like, rom-com perfect.”

“Wasn’t it cold?”

“Yah but it was worth it.”

“So. This weekend.”

“What about it?”

Maria rolled her eyes. “You were all alone with your boyfriend for four days, please tell me you didn’t waste it doing homework.”

Alex laughed. “I can’t talk about this without a pillow.”

“Jesus.” Maria pulled the leopard pillow out of the pile behind her and tossed it at him. “Talk.”

Hugging the pillow, Alex laughed. “Wednesday you know we talked about our weird dreams. Did your mom analyze Michael’s dream?”

“I don’t know, I’ll text her later. Keep going.”

“Well, we had the opportunity to take a very long shower since our suitemates were gone.”

“Did you have sex in the shower?”

“Duh. It is possible to get on your knees in one of our showers.”

“Oh, so just blow jobs.”

“Well, in the shower.”

Maria shrieked out, “What?!” loud enough that Alex rubbed his ears. “Talk, Manes.”

“Thursday morning was...nice. So nice. Very snuggly. Very warm.”

“Okay…”

“No really, it was, it was the perfect time, it was...perfect.”

“So you did, in fact, actually, in the strictest sense of the word, have sex with Michael.”

“Why are you so obsessed with this?” 

“Goddamnit Alex, answer me.”

Maria’s frustrated face just made him laugh. “Yes, Michael and I had sex. It was sweet and loving and perfect like you’d read about in fucking fan fiction.” 

“Seriously?”

Alex nodded. “Seriously. It was wonderful.” He couldn’t help but smile, thinking about it. “Michael is the sweetest, gentlest, most loving person on this planet. It was perfect.” He squeezed the pillow. “I wasn’t scared or anything, and Michael was really careful, and it was really good.”

“Top or bottom?”

“Bottom.” He looked at her face. “That’s what I wanted.”

“And you know that because…?”

“We’ve messed around a lot. I’ve asked for...that. A lot.” 

“Really.”

“Yes really.” Maria still looked unconvinced. “Maria, I’ve been fingering myself for years, so yes, I know it’s something I like.”

Maria was taken aback. “Oh.”

“I have no doubts that Michael will bottom. But I’ve really wanted him to fuck me for, like, a while, so that’s what I’ve been asking for.”

“Okay, okay.” She looked at him for a minute. “Wait, how many times have you had sex?”

Alex pretended to think about it for a second. “How many days have there been? How many hours in each day?” He laughed at Maria’s glare. “Several times.” Enough that they’d needed to make a trip to Walgreens.

“Oh my God, I should have known you’d want it 24/7, your mind is so filthy.”

“My filthy mind has definitely had an impact on my relationship.” He shook his head. “In all seriousness, one of the things that makes our relationship so good is that I’m not afraid to ask for what I want. Michael’s learned that if I don’t seem scared, it’s because I’m legit not scared. That makes him feel better, and he enjoys it more, and so do I. He’s so careful with me, Maria. And we talk about everything.”

“I’ve seen some of the shit you read, have you talked to him about _that?”_

Alex laughed. “A little. A lot of that stuff is hot to read about but I wouldn’t really want to do it.”

“Really?”

“Really. That’s actually totally normal, a lot of people enjoy fantasies but wouldn’t actually want to act them out. I don’t know, maybe when we’re bored with each other in 20 years we’ll try it.” 

Maria laughed loudly. “Right. When you get bored with each other.”

“I think that happens to most couples at some point. ‘Married sex’ becomes a thing, where you have sex because you’re used to having sex with each other. I think that’s when a lot of cheating happens. A new partner is exciting and spontaneous and wants to try new things. I don’t want that to happen to us, obviously.” 

“Huh. It’s weird to think that even if you’re in love with someone you’d actually want to cheat just for more interesting sex.”

“I’ve read that the deep, romantic love that you feel when you meet someone special only lasts so long before it’s affection, friendship, and commitment that keeps the relationship going. It’s normal to not really be in love anymore but still love someone and want to have a life with them. If a couple reaches a point where they don’t really feel much for each other anymore, and sex is boring, moving on starts to sound good.”

“That’s extremely depressing.” 

Alex sighed. “But knowing that stuff helps you _not_ make mistakes if you’re truly committed. Like, if you decided, on purpose, that you’re going to love someone for the rest of your life, and spend your life together, you look for ways to make it feel new again, and fall in love again. Just diving into a marriage based on that ‘accidentally in love’ feeling is so dangerous, because you’re banking on the excitement to keep things going. You might find out after that wears off, you don’t even really like them.” He smiled. “Michael and I don’t just love each other, we really _like_ each other. We like spending time together, even if all we’re doing is sitting in the room without talking, doing homework or messing around on the computer. In some ways, that makes a same-sex relationship easier than a straight relationship. Men and women don’t usually form friendships before they start dating, and a lot of times, men make ‘friends’ with women with the goal of getting into a relationship, even though the woman doesn’t like him like that. Think about how many guys you’ve dated that were hot and fun to mess around with but you couldn’t stand while you were at school. Like, what was his name, Damion Wade. He was a total tool in class and you were always annoyed with him. You totally would never have been friends with him.”

Maria was thoughtful. “I have never considered any of that. Absolutely nothing you’ve said today. And it all makes sense.” She slapped his knee. “When did you become a relationship guru? You’ve never even _been_ in one before.”

Alex laughed. “I overthink things, read a lot, and I was totally invested in making things work with Michael from the beginning, so I started doing even _more_ research. We became friends just to be friends at first. When we came out to each other, the crushes we had on each other gradually moved us toward a relationship, but at the same time we were really, truly, becoming best friends. If the crushes had worn off and we decided not to date, we would still have been best friends.” 

“What will you do if, like, next year you don’t feel like you’re in love with him anymore?”

“I can’t even imagine that,” Alex responded. “Because I’m so in love with him now, I can’t even picture a time when I wouldn’t love him. If things are different in a year, we’ll reevaluate.” He thought about it a minute. “I actually can think of a potential problem. We’re in the honeymoon period of our relationship right now, and we’ve seen a lot of each other’s negatives, but we’re still being careful with each other. We both have _a lot_ of emotional baggage, and I’m pretty sure we’re not going to manage to be nice and mature all the time. I think, when that happens, we might want to get therapy for our issues.”

“Individual therapy or couple’s therapy?”

“Probably both. I’ve really considered going to student health about getting therapy. I’m a mess. Michael really helps me feel better, but there’s gonna come a time when he can’t meet my every emotional need because he has his own. I probably need to get some help. I’m 18, they won’t have to report my dad for beating the shit out of me my whole life and doing everything in his power to make me feel like I’m worthless. Right now, Michael’s really patient with my nightmares and self doubt, but he’s gonna get tired of it at some point. I need to work on myself.” He shrugged. “Michael’s told me that sometimes he holds things in until he gets really angry and explodes. I know that would _really_ hurt me. I want him to be able to just tell me what’s bothering him, so I need to be stable so he knows he _can_ talk to me about serious stuff.”

“He probably needs therapy just for that.”

Alex nodded. “He has terrible nightmares too, and he’s never said it, but I know he has abandonment issues. He might try to push me away preemptively if he’s afraid I’ll leave him, and I don’t want that to happen. We both need therapy. And probably to see a therapist together.”

“I think you could both be too clingy.”

“I know right?” Alex laughed softly. “We were talking about how right now things are super perfect and we just _want_ to be together all the time, but eventually we’ll get sick of each other.”

“Do you think about getting married?”

“All the time.” Alex held out his left hand, like he was imagining a ring on his finger. “But not until we’re older. I’d like it to actually be a legal marriage, not just a commitment ceremony. So until it’s the law of the land, it’s not going to happen.”

“That makes sense.”

“I really don’t think we need to get married, though. We’re really committed to each other, we don’t necessarily need a piece of paper. I think it would be a situation of it just being the right time.”

_Alex is going to propose, and it’s going to be at a significant point in their lives._ Maria blinked a minute. _The moonstone is either really working or my intuition is on overdrive._

“Do you still want to foster kids?”

Alex nodded. “Yah, totally. I don’t know if having our own kids is a thing, but fostering kids so they have a good experience would be great. I have the grand plan for a beautiful house in Santa Fe where we can have extra bedrooms for them.”

“Santa Fe, huh? Why Santa Fe?”

“Have you been there? It’s gorgeous, and there’s so much art and culture, and so much spicy food.” He grinned when Maria laughed. “We’re both looking at jobs that would pay well, so we can be a little choosy about who we work for and where they’re located. Obviously, we’d choose to be together over the location,” he amended, “But Santa Fe would be fantastic if we stay in New Mexico.”

“I’m hoping to get out of here.”

“You totally can. You’re an amazing dancer. You could be in Vegas or on Broadway or in music videos in Hollywood. Maybe even in movies.”

“Aw, you’re sweet. I don’t know if I’ll be that good, but I’m working my ass off.”

“Stop eating caramel corn and garlic bread,” Alex teased. He looked down when his phone chimed.

_Michael: I know it hasn’t been two hours, but I’m worried about your safety._

Alex laughed. “Michael’s afraid you’ve killed me.”

“Why would I?”

“For refusing to give you details.”

_Michael: Please tell me she hasn’t convinced you to describe my junk to her._

_ Alex: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH_

_ Alex: No I was talking about relationship psychology_

_ Alex: And our nebulous future_

_ Alex: And how Maria should stop eating junk food_

_ Michael: I’m glad the appearance of my genitals will remain a mystery._

_ Alex: To everyone but me _

_ Alex: And all of your exes_

_ Michael: Okay that’s enough people with intimate knowledge of my penis._

_ Alex: But I was gonna ask you to make a sex tape_

_ Alex: And leak it online_

_ Michael: As cool as that sounds, no._

“You haven’t stopped laughing since your phone went off.”

Alex looked up. “Michael was making sure I hadn’t divulged any secret knowledge of his genitalia to you, but this is Michael, so he made it as funny as possible. He also declined my offer to make a sex tape and leak it online.”

Maria was laughing too. “I do not want details of Guerin’s dick. Other than, maybe--”

“No.”

“--size, but you don’t have any comparisons, so…”

“Still no.” 

“I suppose if you’re getting off every time--”

“I’m leaving.”

“--it can’t be too small…”

“Bye.” Alex dropped off the side of the bed, face flaming, and left the room to the sound of Maria cackling. 

***

During finals week, the dining hall was offering midnight breakfasts, so people who were still up studying could get food. Sunday night it was pancakes, and no one could resist. When they got there, they were making chocolate chip pancakes, which Alex _loved,_ and they all chowed down before passing out in preparation for finals the next morning. Finals were in two hour blocks throughout the week, but since none of them had to take the english final, they didn’t have to get up early. Alex had finished with a 97%, Maria with a 94%, and Michael with a 101% -- Dr. Dishman had given him a surprise five points of extra credit for his poem. 

Michael had college algebra and Alex had computer science at 10:00, and they’d both gotten up early to study despite staying up late for midnight snacks. Alex didn’t have a piano final, and he’d gotten a solid A. Dr. Morrow didn’t assign percentages since she didn’t give exams. 

One of the nice things about finals week was that the blocks were the same all week long, so their 7:30 classes were actually going to be at 8:00, which Alex was sure would lead to a better grade on his algebra final. Alex and Maria had their history final at 10:00, and Michael did have a final since he was in piano class, but he was carrying a 100% and had no fears that he’d get an A. Michael had physics Thursday at 8:00, and music appreciation was Thursday at noon, and then they’d be done, since lab finals had been the previous week. Alex was finishing computer science and the lab with 100%’s, and miraculously, Larry had given a paper final instead of an experiment, and even though it had been stupidly long, Michael and Jaime had gotten their grades the same day and both finished the semester with A’s. Caden hadn’t even shown up. Maria’s dance finals had all been performances of original routines, and Michael and Alex were both disappointed that they weren’t on stage in the performing arts center so they could go watch. She’d finished with A’s in all of her classes, too, surprising herself. 

Friday morning, Alex and Michael slept in until an indulgently late hour, having stayed up late the night before with a huge group of their friends and dorm mates quietly celebrating that they’d survived their first semester in college. It was loud in the hallway with the sounds of students and parents clearing out their rooms for the month-long break. There was a chance of snow around 6:00pm, and Michael assumed that people were leaving extra early to avoid it. He was amused that Alex announced that he was awake with whining.

“Dude, it’s almost noon, quit complaining.”

Alex whined again before starting to laugh. “No.”

Michael kissed the top of his head. “You’re cute when you’re cranky.”

Still laughing, Alex pulled away to stretch. “You won’t always think that. Right now you’re enamored of me. There’s nothing cute about me when I’m bitchy.”

“Okay, when you wake up cranky, you’re cute,” he amended. 

“No one’s ever woken up with me before, so you’re a test audience of my crankiness.” Alex sat up. 

“I’ve seen you wake up for algebra after three hours of sleep when you’re _really_ cranky, and it’s still cute.”

Alex shook his head. “If I’m tired enough I’ll snap at you, and I’m not very nice.” He sighed. “I was just telling Maria the other day that we’re still being nice to each other because we’re so high on being together, but eventually, I’m going to be irritated enough that my bad habits start to show.”

“I see. That makes sense.” Michael had never thought about that. “When I’m mad or irritated, sometimes I’m deliberately an asshole, and if someone says something nice, or tries to apologize, I’m a jerk. I say something mean or dismissive. If I’m uncomfortable with an emotional situation, I’ll deliberately ruin it by saying something rude or making a joke.”

“I hold it in as much as I can because snapping at Dad meant some kind of punishment, but my brothers, Maria, Liz, Rosa, and even Kyle have all gotten snapped at. And if they’re apologizing for something, sometimes I’m a real dick about it before I accept the apology to make it hurt. I don’t _want_ to do that, and I feel bad later, but at the time, I feel really wronged and that I deserve to be angry.” 

“If my feelings are hurt, I’m more likely to lash out than to cry. I can be a real asshole.”

“And these things are gonna happen at some point. We’re eventually going to be mad at each other.” Alex smiled. “It will never be because I don’t love you.”

“Of course not, it’ll never be because I don’t love you, either.”

Alex yawned. “This is a really heavy conversation for first thing in the afternoon.”

Michael laughed at that. “‘First thing in the afternoon,’ you’re such a dork.”

“When you wake up this late…”

“It is, in fact, 12:02,” Michael stated after looking at his phone. “What do you think the odds are that Mimi will take us to lunch again when she comes to get Maria?”

“Oh, that’s a good question, I’d say fairly good. Text Maria and see what time she’s leaving.”

_Michael: Hey what time is your mom coming to take you home?_

_ Michael: Do you think there’s a chance of free food? If not that’s fine._

_ Maria: She’s coming around 3:00, and free food is possible. Let me ask her._

_ Michael: Okay. _

“Mimi is coming around 3:00 and she’s asking about free food.”

“Excellent.” Alex kissed Michael’s cheek. “I need to get down.”

“Me too.” They both climbed off the bed. “The only thing that would be good about shared bathrooms is being able to use it at the same time.”

“Right?” Alex looked at himself in the mirror. “You can go first.”

When Michael came back he told Alex to hurry since Dean and Seamus were obviously packing up and would want to get stuff out of the bathroom. Alex hurried.

Their phones both chimed, and Alex took his off his desk.

_Maria: Free food is going to happen. Think about what you want._

_Maria: NOT sushi. Fish is gross._

_Alex: No its too expensive to ask for anyway_

_Alex: Hey did your mom ever do michaels dream analysis_

_Maria: She said she wanted to talk to him about it in person._

_Michael: That’s going to be interesting._

_Alex: I cant wait _

“I’m kinda freaked out that Mimi wanted to tell me in person about the dream.”

“It’s probably going to be emotional and she can’t easily convey that in an email.”

“Great, I hope I don’t cry at the restaurant. You’re a terrible influence,” Michael complained, “I never used to cry this much.”

“Getting in touch with your emotions is painful.” Alex kissed him. “I love you, sweetheart.”

Michael pulled him into a tight hug and hummed happily when Alex scratched his back. “Love you too, baby.” When he released him enough to talk, he offered, “Hey, wanna go get coffee and coffee cake to tide us over until free food? My treat.”

“Oh, yah, that sounds great.” Alex pulled away to look through the closet. “Part of me wants to look cute and part of me wants to be a slob.”

“Is there an in between state?” Michael asked, laughing. “Like, just average? I feel like that’s where I live most of the time.”

“Okay, average, let’s look.” He looked through the options. “Average is usually a t-shirt and either a flannel or a hoodie, or my UNM hoodie since I gave you the burgundy one.”

“Okay, I vote t-shirt and flannel since your coat already has a hood.” 

“Okay. Now to choose these items, plus the difficult choice from my 500 pairs of jeans.”

Michael cracked up, and opened the t-shirt drawer. “I’m picking this plain black t-shirt for you.”

“Jeez, you’re really impatient with this difficult decision.” Alex went back to looking at his flannel shirts. “Blue/green/purple?” He held the dark plaid shirt up to his torso for Michael’s evaluation.

“You look great in literally everything, Alex. But I’ve stolen that shirt so I know it’s really soft, I approve.”

Alex laughed. “Fine.” He pulled a pair of grey jeans out of the closet. “Should I pick out your ‘average’ outfit?”

He raised an eyebrow and held up the burgundy hoodie and a plain undershirt. “Done.”

“That was easy. Is it because you’re not gay? I think it’s because you’re not gay.”

“I think it’s because I have so few clothes.” He waited a breath. “Also because I’m not gay.”

That warranted a laughing kiss from Alex. “You’re just not fussy about how you look. Luckily for you, you always look sexy as fuck.” He pressed a kiss to his rough jaw. “The stubble does something for me.” He kissed his cheek. “The cheekbones.” He pressed his face to Michael’s neck, rubbing his nose in the little curls behind his ear. “Your adorably gorgeous hair.” 

Michael had his hands on Alex’s hips. “When you drop your voice that low? Yah, that does something for me.”

Alex chuckled against his skin before pulling away. “Good to know.” He gave him another quick kiss. “Let’s get dressed.”

On the way back they had to dodge the people leaving to get in the door, through the lobby, and to the stairs. Emily was leaving when they got to the door, she wished them a happy holiday and let them know Hannah had already left with a wink. Alex was pretty sure his face caught fire. Michael smirked.

Dean and Seamus were also gone and they’d taped a Christmas card from both of them to the bathroom mirror. It was a generic winter scene. Inside it said ‘Holiday Blessings,’ very neutral. But there were notes from both of them.

_Enjoy your first Christmas together, lads. I’ll enjoy not turning my telly up at home. --Seamus_

_PLEASE clean the shower after all your alone time. --Dean _

“Oh my fucking god,” Alex laughed. “We’re not _that_ loud.”

“I didn’t think so,” Michael answered, laughing. “But 50% of our neighbors have just made jokes about how loud we are during sex.”

“Maybe we should blast music when we’re screwing?”

“It would still be obvious what we’re doing, but at least they wouldn’t hear you moaning.”

“Okay, I am kinda loud.”

“It’s also my personal mission to make you scream, so…”

Alex laughed and looped his arms around Michael’s neck. “I’d love to help you practice your skills.”

“Mm, I’m sure you would.” He pressed a kiss to Alex’s lips, and made a soft sound of pleasure when he deepened it. They just kissed for a while, but Michael pulled back before they could get too hot and heavy. “We need to not be a hot mess when we have lunch with the DeLuca ladies.”

“You have a really good point,” Alex laughed, stepping back and fanning his cheeks like a delicate southern belle. “Wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.”

“Except that it would be absolutely accurate.”

They did decide to lay in bed until it was time to go, though, but were just playing on their phones. Michael had downloaded a game that he was kind of addicted to, despite his earlier vow never to play games on his phone. Alex had no such pretensions, and was playing the same game. He groaned when Maria’s text interrupted an especially good combo shot. 

“Okay, let me read this text, since Maria ruined my game,” he complained.

_Maria: Can you guys help us carry stuff to the car?_

_ Maria: Then we can go to lunch._

_ Alex: What are you taking home?_

_ Maria: My hot weather clothes, and I’ll bring back more sweaters and boots._

_ Maria: And some of my decorations, there’s just too much stuff in here._

“Come on, Maria wants us to help her take stuff to the car.”

“How much laundry does she have?”

“It’s a wardrobe change out apparently. She probably won’t need spaghetti strap tanks and short shorts for a while.”

“Got it. Being a girl is complex.”

“Fitting all that crap into Maria’s closet was complex.” 

Upstairs, they both hugged Mimi hello. Maria had a surprising amount of stuff she was taking home, including the big stuffed tiger and two shaggy pink pillows. She had two suitcases packed and was carrying an overnight bag with her backpack. 

“Damn, girl, you really are taking stuff home,” Alex commented, drawing a laugh from Zoey as well as their crew. “Is this all clothes?”

“And shoes. Also two sets of towels, I don’t really have room for them, I can just do laundry more often.”

Zoey pointed at her luggage. “I’m taking a bunch of stuff home, too. I brought a lot of costume stuff with me that I’m just not using.”

“Watch, you’ll need as soon as you come back,” Alex predicted. 

“You’re probably right, but my closet is bursting at the seams.”

They all said goodbye and happy holidays to Zoey and dragged all of Maria’s stuff to the car. Michael suggested they try the pizza place where he and Jaime studied, and they shared a pizza that was half cheese for Maria and Mimi and half everything for Michael and Alex. They got garlic bread, too, and Alex poked fun at Maria for eating junk food when she wanted to fit into her leotards.

As they were winding down, Mimi looked at Michael. “So your dream.”

Michael took a deep breath. “Yah. It was weird.”

“There are a few questions I have to clarify. You started off waking up in a cave, which is a very common symbol for birth, and while it’s usually dark, it was sunset.” When he nodded, she continued. “Was there an important sunset in your life? Waking in a cave in the dark is a birth symbol, and the sky continuing to be dark would imply that you hadn’t yet felt like you’d become part of the world.”

“Alex told me he loved me while we were watching the sunset in the desert a couple weeks ago.”

Mimi clasped her hands together over her heart. “That’s beautiful. And good job, Alex, excellent choice of time and place.”

Alex laughed. “It was so perfect.”

“Now, you said that usually you walk through the desert in the dark until you panic because it never ends - more of the not-yet-born symbolism - but you found me, instead. Was it still sunset?”

“Yah. It was sunset for the entire dream.”

“Alright. So when you found me, I was speaking, but instead of hearing words you saw symbols? Were they symbols you recognized?” She waited while he shook his head. “I think I probably represent both a mother figure and a guiding figure, but you haven’t yet figured out what I have to teach you. But the symbols wrapped around you and you could fly? I did tell you you were meant for the sky.”

Michael had a jolt of understanding. _Those symbols are my language. They took me to the sky, they might take me to the sky again._ “Well, I do want to build spaceships.” _If only I could remember what they looked like!_

“When you saw the dot on the ground, you were just there, that’s normal in dream logic. You said there’s a little spring you found out in the desert, but now it was a pond? Water is literally life in the desert. The little spring of you has grown because you’re living now. You could breathe underwater because you’re _part_ of your life now, not just an observer. But then there was a storm?”

“I hate storms.”

“Storms often represent fear, destruction, and change. It’s normal to fear them. But Alex saved you, didn’t he?”

Michael nodded slowly. “The tree arched over the water and reached its branches toward me, then scooped me up, and put me down underneath it.”

“He grounds and protects you, he’ll help you weather any storms in your life.”

Alex took Michael’s hand where it was resting on his thigh. “I will, I promise.”

“I know baby,” he answered with a smile.

“Now, next a bird came and dropped a feather, and you used it to fly?”

“Yah, but at first I didn’t want to leave the tree.”

“It’s normal to want to stay where you feel safe, but you have the soul of an adventurer, you are truly meant for the sky. When you saw that it was getting dark, you landed on the cloud - once again, you’re at home in the sky - but you saw a symbol on the ground?”

Now Michael was uncomfortable, the symbol came as close to revealing the truth of his nature as he had ever gotten. “I don’t remember anything from before I was about seven years old, but I’ve always been able to doodle this little symbol. It’s the only thing I have from before I was found by a trucker on the side of the highway.”

“You’re finding that your past and your present can be a home for you, here and now.”

Michael was really relieved that she didn’t ask him to draw it. And even more relieved that she didn’t seem to think he was an alien. “Okay, that makes sense.”

“You and Alex were destined to find each other across space and time, and your soul will always be in the sky, but your home is on Earth, cradled in the roots of a willow tree.”

_Okay, maybe she does think I’m an alien._ He knew he was gripping Alex’s hand so tightly it probably hurt, but couldn’t let go. “I had no idea my dream had that much meaning.” He hoped his voice wasn’t shaking, because it felt like it was.

Mimi was supremely calm. “The most important thing to take away from all of this is that you’re part of the world now and you can see all of the world’s colors, not just blindly walking in the dark. Your goal is the sky, your anchor is Alex. Everything is going to be just fine.”

Alex pressed his cheek against Michael’s shoulder for just a second, then whispered in his ear, “I promise, everything is okay. You’re going to crush my hand.”

“Oh, sorry.” Michael laughed nervously and released Alex’s abused hand. “Sorry baby.”

“It’s okay.”

Maria watched them speak to each other quietly. Michael was clearly disturbed by what her mom had said, but she wasn’t sure why, none of it was bad. _Maybe it was too close to home?_ It was weird, but some people were just freaked out by psychic stuff. He believed in it 100%, so maybe he was taking it too seriously? _Just a dream, Guerin, chill out._

Back at Laguna Hall, they all got out and hugged, just like the day before Thanksgiving. Mimi squeezed Alex tight. “You come over anytime you want, Alex, no need to call or text. You can just show up.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a spare key. “Feel free to let yourself in if we’re both gone. Or I’m gone and Maria is still asleep at 2:00 in the afternoon.”

He laughed and hugged her. “Thank you so much, Mama DeLuca.” _I’m going to take the longest bath ever._

Michael was still on edge when they got upstairs, and as soon as the door was shut he let Alex pull him into his arms and he hid his face in the soft collar of his coat. “She knows, Alex, she knows, I know it, I don’t know --”

“Hey,” he interrupted softly, rubbing his back. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Alex really hated the way Michael was shaking. “It’s okay, sweetheart, Mimi would never hurt _anyone,_ least of all you. She adores you.” He had to admit, though, that it certainly sounded like Mimi knew he was an alien. _Time and space? From the cosmos? Meant for the sky? Home on earth now? How can we not think she knows!?_

“I didn’t do anything except _exist_ in her vicinity and she knows, what if she tells someone--”

“Shh, she won’t, I know she won’t. She’d never share something private about you, not even the content of your dream. She and Maria know what it’s like to be outcasts and weirdos, they’d never expose you to danger or even teasing.”

“What if she tells _Maria,_ though, there’s no way she could keep her mouth shut!” 

“Give both of them a little more credit than that,” Alex answered gently. “Mimi isn’t going to talk about you being an alien to Maria, and Maria actually _can_ keep secrets.”

“How do you _know?_ Fuck, Alex--”

“Oh, sweetheart, don’t cry, I promise that everything will be okay! Do you want me to text Mimi to make sure she doesn’t say anything to anyone?”

Michael shook his head. “No, that would just confirm that I’m really an alien.”

Michael was sobbing now, and Alex’s heart was absolutely breaking. “I promise, everything will be okay, Michael. I promise.” He held him as tightly as he could. “Hey, hey listen, look at me.” He pulled back a little and Michael looked up. “One thing at a time, okay? Let’s take our coats off. I can hold you closer without them in the way, hm?” He waited a second for Michael to nod before he let him go. Alex helped him out of his coat before taking off his own. “Shoes?”

Michael nodded again. The simple directions were actually helping him feel calmer. He slipped his shoes off and saw that Alex was doing the same thing. “I really want shoes like that,” he blurted out, brain-to-mouth filter completely gone in his misery.

“Checkerboards? I’ll get them for you for Christmas, sweetheart.” He cupped Michael’s wet cheeks and wiped away tears with his thumbs. “Let’s get in bed for a while, okay? We don’t have any other responsibilities right now.”

“Okay.” He watched Alex pull himself up onto the bed, but went up the ladder; his arms were kind of wobbly.

As soon as the blankets were pulled back, Alex wrapped Michael in an embrace, working his fingers through his hair with one hand and holding him close with the other. He was still crying a little, and Alex ached for him. _He_ was sure that even if Mimi suspected Michael was not of this world, she’d never tell a soul. Not even Maria. And Maria was psychic, but a lot less perceptive than her mother; she’d probably picked up that Michael was nervous when she talked about her abilities, and she probably knew that Michael was hiding something, since he was obviously blocking her gifts, but the leap to his secret being that he was an alien would never even occur to her. People usually see what they expect to see. Michael looked like a human in every single way, and literally no one would suspect otherwise, not even an intuitive girl like Maria.

“You know she might not think you’re an alien.”

Michael hiccupped a bitter little laugh. “Oh, then what?”

“An angel, or an interdimensional traveler.”

“What?”

“She believes in all types of paranormal and supernatural beings. She knows you’re not a demon, because you’re a genuinely good person, she could see that right away. Being an angel or interdimensional traveler or an alien or a cosmic ghost or something wouldn’t surprise Mimi at all. She probably thinks she’s interacted with other aliens, and she actually might have. We know at least two other aliens are out there, maybe more just from your shipwreck. But there could be aliens from other planets here, too. Mimi told me once that angels aren’t just what the bible says, they’re pure spirits and protectors, and the biblical angels like Michael and Gabriel might have had a basis in fact, but christians wove them into the fabric of the religion and gave them names.”

That made Michael think for a few minutes. He wanted to dismiss that as prime, grade A bullshit, but he was an actual alien, so maybe it was possible? “What about an interdimensional traveler? What the hell is that?”

“Scientists have discussed the idea of multiple universes that are just touching each other, and the possibility that ours can interact with others. More metaphysical people have talked about planes of existence, where beings of different types live, and those planes overlay ours and some creatures can move from their plane to our plane. And yet other people, some scientists and some science fiction writers, have talked about there being more dimensions than we know about.”

“Okay…”

Alex took that as an indication to continue. “A line is the first dimension. It takes up no space. The second dimension is a flat surface. The third dimension is the space we can interact in. The fourth dimension is time. There could be other dimensions. People could be able to move from the fourth, time, to the third, the real world, making them time travelers. What if the fifth dimension is a copy of our world, but with different people and places? What if there are beings that can pass from that dimension to ours, and we don’t know they’re here, because they look the same?”

“I think my brain is overwhelmed by how weird this is.”

“I personally think the fifth dimension is goat.”

Michael lifted his head, pointing a concerned and confused look at Alex. “What?”

“Have you ever _seen_ goats? The laws of physics and rules of logic just don’t apply to them.”

That startled a laugh out of Michael. “That is the most ludicrous thing you’ve said all day.”

“That’s saying something.” He smiled and stroked Michael’s hair. “There’s a farm with pygmy goats in Roswell, I’ll take you to it. Pygmy goats are hilarious and very cute. Also, strange.”

Michael laughed again, confused but feeling cautiously better. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a goat in person.”

“If they have any babies, you’ll die of cute. Baby pygmy goats are adorable. They have such tiny little hooves and so much attitude.”

“How did we start talking about goats?”

“They exist in their own dimension. They _are_ a dimension.” Alex adjusted a little so he could kiss Michael’s forehead. “Everything will be okay, sweetheart. I promise. Mimi will never say anything, even if she does think you’re an alien. She’s one of those people who’s satisfied with knowing things, she doesn’t have to share them.”

He took a shuddering breath. “Okay. Okay, I’ll try not to freak out anymore than I already have.”

“You have every reason to freak out. But you’re safe.”

Michael was quiet for a minute. “I figured something out when Mimi was talking about the symbols. They were my language. They were the language I grew up speaking and reading. I wish I could remember what they looked like!” He closed his eyes and tried to remember the dream, but he just couldn’t quite see them. “I’m really good at remembering what I see, but there’s only so much I can do while I’m asleep apparently.”

“Oh my god, Michael, that’s so cool!” 

“Really?”

“You _remembered_ something, of course that’s cool. And what do you think the symbolism is that Mimi was speaking to you in your own language?”

“Whoa.” Michael blinked a couple times. “I don’t know what I think about that.”

“Michael, what if Mimi _knows_ something about you! And the other kids!”

He shook his head vehemently, pulling away from Alex to sit up. “I can’t take the risk, Alex, I can’t ask her. It’s too dangerous. It’s one thing for her to suspect that I’m an alien and suspect that other people she knows are aliens or dimensional travelers or whatever, it’s something else to _tell_ her that I’m from another planet.”

Alex looked at Michael’s tortured face, hands clenched in his own hair, cheeks still shining with tears. “Okay, Michael, it’s okay,” he soothed, carefully taking Michael’s hands in his own. “I won’t say anything, you know you can trust me. If you don’t want to talk to her, we won’t. End of story.” He kissed Michael’s fingers. “I love you, you don’t have to worry about me saying anything.”

Michael sagged, then pitched forward against Alex’s chest, grateful that the other boy caught him close and held him tight. “I love you, I trust you. Please don’t talk to her, not right now.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” He rocked Michael back and forth a little. “Everything will be okay. You’re safe. I love you so much.”

Michael slowly calmed. “Today has been fucking weird.” He pulled away from Alex a little. “I want to lay down for a while.”

“I’ll never argue with a nap,” Alex teased gently. “Let’s get into pajamas? Get comfy?”

Nodding, Michael sat back so Alex could get out of bed, and reflected on how weird it was to not have to face this fear alone. Weird, but so _good._ No matter what happened, Alex would be with him. 

“Michael, I love you so much that I’m leaving you the palm tree pants even though I saw them first.”

He laughed a little and slid out of bed. He left the hoodie Alex had given him on and just swapped out his jeans for the palm tree pants. “You have the second best pants.” 

Alex rubbed his hands over the Blackwatch plaid pajama bottoms. “Yah, I love these, they’re really soft. They were ridiculously expensive, Maria and Liz talked me into buying them online one night while we were all hopped up on sugar and watching movies.”

“Are they worth the price?”

“Definitely, but I probably wouldn’t buy $80 pajama pants again without significant peer pressure, I’m more aware of where my money is going.”

Michael gaped. “Those are $80 pants?” When Alex nodded he rolled his eyes. “They’re really soft and comfortable, but I don’t know if they’re $80 comfortable.”

“Probably not, but 16-year-old me thought they were a good thing to waste money on.”

They got back in bed, and Michael welcomed the chance to tuck his head under Alex’s chin and feel his arms around him. _I’m not alone. I’m never alone. I don’t have to be strong for him. Alex doesn’t think I’m weak._ Alex was truly the first person who he’d ever allowed himself to be vulnerable with. He relaxed slowly as Alex ran his fingers through his hair. There was nothing better, really, than Alex just absently showing him affection. He didn’t _think_ about it, he was just always affectionate. _I don’t know how this sweet boy managed to survive his childhood but I’m so fucking grateful._

Even though Michael never fell asleep, he managed to relax by just focusing on the steady rate of Alex’s breathing, matching his rhythm, and trying to let his mind go blank. It didn’t work, not really, his mind was never blank, but just feeling the rise and fall of Alex’s chest under his cheek was soothing. It was clear that Alex _did_ fall asleep; his hand stilled in Michael’s hair and his arm fell away onto his back. He kind of envied Alex’s ability to fall asleep, it took him longer to pass out most of the time.

The room slowly grew dark, and Michael was content to just lay there and listen to Alex sleep, but eventually he got stiff and had to move. Alex must have been sleeping lightly, because he woke immediately. 

“Mm, did you fall asleep? It’s dark in here. What time is it?”

Michael couldn’t help but laugh. “No, yes, I don’t know.”

Alex laughed. “I’m sorry you didn’t fall asleep. Wanna turn on a light and maybe grab a phone?”

“The things I do for you,” Michael teased. It flipped his desk light on and grabbed his phone with a thought. “It’s almost 8:00.”

“By now Maria is probably in a bubble bath with wine and candles.” He smiled at Michael. “Do you feel any better?”

“Yah, a little. I have to trust you that I’m safe.”

“You’re safe, Michael.”

“And it helps to know that if something goes wrong, I’ll have you.”

“Yep, you’re stuck with me.” He tugged Michael close for a kiss. “Important question: do you want to go buy things for each other this weekend or stick to having Christmas when I get back? I’ve never been to the mall during Christmas, but I’ve seen a lot of Christmas movies, so I have the impression that they’re a nightmare.”

Michael shuddered dramatically, pulling a laugh out of Alex. “No, not interested in going to the mall this weekend. No thank you.”

“Maybe I’ll find you something really cool in Roswell, you never know.”

“Maybe.” Michael had some ideas on what to get Alex for Christmas. “You don’t really have to get me shoes, Alex, those are too expensive.”

“Are you sure? Because I can.”

“No, don’t spend that much on me. You really are my gift.”

“You have to make me the same deal.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine.” 

Alex stretched, reaching his arms toward the ceiling and twisting a little. “I’ll never take stretching for granted again.”

“Oh, because of your ribs?” When Alex nodded, Michael squeezed his leg. “Fuck I don’t want you to go home.”

“Me either, but Mimi gave me a spare key to her house, so I can go over there literally any time. And I can hang out at the Crashdown with Liz. And go running on my old route, that will be cool.”

“Make sure you take all your cold weather gear, I’ll worry.”

“I will. And I’ll call you and text you, I’m not going into exile, I’m only going to be three hours away and there’s cell service.”

Michael laughed a little. “It feels like you’re going into exile and I’ll never see you again.”

Alex cupped his cheek. “I promise I’ll come home, sweetheart.” _There’s probably no way Dad can beat Flint and I to death at the same time, we’d protect each other._ It made Alex want to sign up for self defense classes in the future though. And maybe learn to use a weapon. 

Nodding, eyes closed tightly, Michael tacitly agreed that he believed Alex. _He hasn’t broken a promise yet. I can trust him._ He had to; he had to believe that his one true love would come back to him. _We were destined to be together, I came from the cosmos for him, and he was born for me. He’ll come home._

“Wanna do something a little less serious for the rest of the night?” Alex offered, smiling and rubbing Michael’s arm. “Wanna drive around and look at Christmas lights, then watch Christmas movies? I can download a bunch of Christmas music on my phone.”

“That sounds fun, actually. But you don’t have to pay for music, the radio stations in town are all playing Christmas music.”

“That’s true,” Alex replied brightly. “Wanna start with hot chocolate for the road?”

“Yah, that sounds great, baby,” Michael answered, smiling. “You make everything better.”

“I’ll do my best to always make everything better, sweetheart.”

They got dressed again and bundled up against the cold. It actually had _not_ snowed, which didn’t surprise either of them. The first couple snow warnings of the season were always false alarms.

The truck was parked close to the residence hall, so they drove it to Starbucks instead of walking there then back. Alex asked the baristas where the best places were to see Christmas lights and they enthusiastically told them where all the best neighborhoods were. Alex used Google Maps to find everything, and it was fantastic. They sang along with the radio, creating harmonies for the different Christmas carols and having a blast. Although the worry that he’d be discovered was still hovering in the back of Michael’s mind, it had returned to the usual level of anxiety just below the surface of his thoughts. Alex made everything better. _Everything. _

That night they enjoyed the intimacy and privacy of the empty dorms, and fell asleep as snow began to fall from the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring on guitar](https://youtu.be/NBrCa6GXzrU)
> 
> [Deck the Halls in 7/8](https://youtu.be/cHAMg0RAExk)
> 
> What did you think? Not the most exciting chapter, but those are some good Christmas songs! Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring gets played all year long, really, since it's part of a cantata but it's still mostly Christmasy. I've performed that arrangement of Deck the Halls, it's super fun. Surprisingly few videos on YouTube, though! 
> 
> Last week's episode, I'm so confused. I thought Kyle said definitively that Maria was NOT an alien? And Michael referenced some Project Shepherd files that her grandmother was part of experiments at Caulfield Prison? I hope we get some clarification this week, that seems like way too huge of a plot hole not to address. Or, well, next week. This week is Memorial Day. 
> 
> This was kinda hard to write, I had a huge fight with my best friend, who usually beta reads this story. I don't know exactly how it happened, but we're not speaking to each other, and I'm very sad about it. It's hard because she got me into Roswell, and it's kind of a bonding experience for us to talk about the episode and go over the new chapters as I write them.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> Chapter Title: A Long December - Counting Crows


	22. Blue Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so freakin' long, guys! The reason: this chapter is a MONSTER. It's way too long but I didn't want to break up any of the time in Roswell into another chapter. So here it is in all of its glory! Unbeta'd, so all mistakes are my own.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/50032160933/in/dateposted-public/)

Michael was already awake when Alex’s alarm went off. The room was dark and chilly, but he was still warm with Alex pressed against him. He rolled onto his side so he could wrap himself around the other boy and was happy when Alex pulled him even closer. They were just quiet for a while, soaking up each other’s love.

“I don’t want you to go,” Michael finally whispered. “I don’t want to have the chance to miss you.” _I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want you to go where I can’t protect you. I don’t want you around your dad. I want you with me._

“I don’t want to go.” Alex’s fingers were clenched in the fabric of Michael’s t-shirt. “I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to miss you either.” _I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to see Dad. I don’t want to be anywhere that Michael isn’t._

“I love you so much, Alex. I wish I believed in god so I could pray you’ll be okay.”

“I wish I could pray too. But I’ll be okay, I promise. I love you too.” He pulled away enough that he could just make out Michael’s features in the low light so that he’d be able to kiss him.

Michael responded enthusiastically, almost desperately, needing to be as close to Alex as possible. Alex’s hands were under his shirt, and they shifted around until he could get it off over his head; they kept adjusting their position until they were undressed, skin against skin, both hard and needing each other. “What do you want, baby?”

“Fuck me, please, god, please fuck me,” Alex pleaded. “Need you inside me--”

“Shh, I’ve got you. Whatever you need.” Michael pulled away to look over the edge of the bed so he could get the lube. _It’ll be great to have a nightstand to put shit on when we get an apartment._ He moved back beside Alex and slicked his fingers as the other boy spread his legs; he rubbed two fingers against his entrance before pressing inside. He’d learned pretty quickly that Alex liked to start with two fingers, and the sexy moan he got in response right now reinforced that. He worked his fingers in and out, spreading them to stretch him before curving them up and pulling them out, startling a strangled shout out of Alex’s throat. “You’re so fucking responsive, it’s so fucking hot.” 

“More, oh fuck,” Alex begged. When he’d first really understood what gay sex would look like, he couldn’t understand why anal sex would be pleasureable or why guys did it. _If only 15-year-old me could see me now._ He whined a little when Michael pulled his fingers out but groaned when he pushed back in with three, loving the stretch that made it feel just that much better. “God that’s good, Michael, fuck.”

Michael swallowed Alex’s next moan with a kiss, needing to taste him, needing that connection. Needing to give and take love and desire. 

Alex broke the kiss with a gasp. “Fuck, I’m ready, Michael, I need, please--”

“Fuck, yes,” Michael groaned out, moving between his thighs and wrapping a slick hand around his cock. “Tell me if you need me to slow down.” He positioned himself and started to push in.

“You’re good, oh fuck--” Nothing really compared to the feeling of Michael inside him. Nothing. He moaned softly through the incredible sensations until Michael paused, waiting for him to adjust. “I’m good, you can move.”

So he did. Michael always started out slow, both to give Alex a minute, and because he liked the build up, but Alex’s begging usually inspired him to speed up and add force pretty fucking quickly. They were extremely compatible in bed; the explicit communication they had really helped. There was never any guessing and hoping for the best because Alex never hesitated to ask for what he wanted, and praised him enthusiastically when he got it right. Like now, he could tell Alex wanted it deep and hard, which suited him perfectly, and he worked to get the angle just right to make Alex scream. _The building is mostly empty, might as well._

“Yes! Right there, like that, oh fuck, _Michael--” _

Michael enjoyed his success for a minute before he felt Alex reaching for his cock. “Close, baby?”

“Yah, fuck--”

Watching Alex’s face as he was chasing his orgasm was one of Michael’s favorite things, and it was guaranteed to push him to the edge. “Fuck, Alex,” he gasped out before his rhythm faltered and he came hard. 

Alex desperately stroked himself, wanting to come with Michael inside him, and followed him into oblivion a few moments later. He resurfaced into reality with soft kisses to his lips and cheeks. “Love you.”

“Love you too, baby.” He carefully pulled out, drawing a soft sigh from Alex, and settled next to him so they could cuddle up together for a few minutes. They held each other, running soft fingers over each other’s skin and whispering ‘I love you’ over and over again. 

“Let’s get in the shower,” Alex murmured after a few minutes. “Otherwise I’ll fall back asleep.”

Michael kissed him softly. “Okay.”

They took a long shower, taking extra time to wash each other’s hair, making sure hands touched every inch of skin, wanting to soak up as much of each other as they could. Realistically, Alex knew that five days was not an absurd amount of time to be separated from his boyfriend, but from here, not knowing what he was waiting for at home, it felt like he was being deployed to a war zone and didn’t know if he’d make it out alive.

Alex dressed for a day when he’d have to see his dad without starting a fight: his straight-leg jeans, Michael’s Dr Pepper shirt, and his UNM hoodie. He’d already packed innocuous clothes for the week, and since he had no desire to draw attention to his queerness on this trip, he’d taken the polish off his nails and exchanged his showy black earring for a plain silver hoop. He’d even thought about getting an invisible retainer for his septum piercing but it hadn’t happened. He’d spent years wanting to be himself, to break out of his shell, to just be unapologetically Alex and shove it in everyone’s face that he was gay and punk and angry at the world. Now, he didn’t even care that much, he just wanted to survive the week without any bruises. He was openly gay and didn’t give a single fuck about his family’s opinion anymore, and wasn’t even sure what he was really rebelling against now. Society? Well, society could wait for five days. He looked at his phone when he was dressed. “I still have an hour until Flint will even be here.”

“Wanna go get coffee? Breakfast date before you leave?”

He wrapped his arms around Michael and kissed him. “I will never say no to coffee _or_ a date with you.”

It was a reasonable level of cold outside and they could leave their coats unbuttoned and unzipped when they walked to Starbucks. Michael was also wearing his UNM hoodie, loose jeans, and sneakers. Dressed like this, they looked like any two ordinary guys getting coffee on a random Monday, and Michael knew it was because Alex was adopting his philosophy for the next few days - fly under the radar. He knew his boyfriend hated conforming, it grated on his nerves to be like everyone else, but he was trying to stay safe for the week. 

Starbucks wasn’t busy since it mostly served the campus crowd and everyone was gone for winter break. They ordered and sat in their usual spot, away from the windows, and talked about what they wanted to do with the other three weeks of break after Alex got back. Michael had verified that the music building would be open, so they made plans to learn new music, maybe even have Alex play piano with Michael on guitar, something they hadn’t ever done before. Alex suggested checking out parks around Albuquerque for hiking and running trails, weather permitting. Michael wanted to revisit cooking in the kitchen downstairs so they weren’t eating out the entire time, and Alex was 100% on board with that. They walked back to Laguna hand-in-hand, trying to pretend that Alex wasn’t getting in a car and driving off to spend a week with the man who had abused him his entire life. Michael unlocked the door and let Alex in first, wishing he could trap him inside, and just not let him out until the threat was gone. 

Alex shrugged out of his coat and looked at his phone. “Flint texted while we were walking back, he got his rental car and is heading here now.” He quickly replied but hoped his brother wouldn’t actually read it while he was driving. He had a thing with texting and driving. Alex was so anti-texting-while-driving that he’d scared everyone he knew into not doing it.

“Let’s just chill ‘til he gets here,” Michael suggested, opening his arms to pull Alex close. “I’ve been separated from people repeatedly, my entire life, and letting you go home for Christmas for five days is worse than anything except losing the other kids at the group home.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Alex answered, so intensely sad that he almost cried. “Oh god, Michael, I really will come home, and I’ll totally call you when I get to Dad’s house. Dad won’t even be there when I get home, he’ll be on base. I won’t see him until tonight.” He just couldn’t picture his father taking leave for the day just to welcome him and Flint home for Christmas. “I’m taking my computer, we can Skype after everyone goes to bed.”

“I forgot about Skype.” He still didn’t let go of Alex. “Intellectually, I know you’re going to call me and we’ll text and Skype but emotionally, I just feel like I’ll never see you again.”

“I know. I promise everything will be okay.” Alex pulled away enough that he could press a kiss to Michael’s frown. “I’m not abandoning you. I will come home, I _promise.”_

Michael just nodded and tried to believe that. “I love you so much, Alex.”

“I love you too.” He kissed Michael again, drawing it out, trying to distract him, and trying to distract himself. Alex certainly wasn’t looking forward to saying goodbye to his safe room and loving boyfriend to go back to fucking Roswell.

They’d settled back on the bed, just holding each other, when Alex’s phone rang. “Hello?”

“Hey little bro, I’m out front.”

“Okay, I’ll be down in a second.” He just looked at his phone for a second after Flint had ended the call. “This sucks.”

Michael laughed. “Yah, it really does.” He followed Alex off the bed. “But you promised that you’d call me and that you’ll come home and I’m holding you to that.”

Alex put his arms around Michael’s neck and kissed him. “I did promise. I will call you when I get to Roswell, and I’ll call you later, and we’ll Skype, and I’ll come home.” He kissed Michael deeply, knowing he’d miss him like crazy. “I love you, and I’m going to miss you so fucking much.”

“I’m going to miss you too.” Michael knew he needed to let Alex go so he could go downstairs and meet his brother, but he just didn’t _want_ to. “I love you.”

“It’s going to be okay, Michael.” He stepped back and just looked at him for a minute. “It’s going to be so weird to try to sleep without you.”

“I know.” He had an idea. “Hey,” he started, then pulled his hoodie off over his head. “Trade me? Then I’ll at least have your scent for a couple days.” 

“Good idea.” Alex tugged his hoodie off and handed it to Michael, taking his and putting in on before attempting to straighten his hair. It was the definition of sad and floppy today, and more emo than his spiked up look for sure. He turned back to Michael and pulled him close for one more kiss. “I love you, everything will be okay. I’ll call you, I promise.”

“Okay. I love you too, baby. I’ll miss you.”

Alex shrugged into his coat and put his backpack on before grabbing his duffle. “Don’t worry, sweetheart.” The look on Michael’s face was breaking his heart. 

“Do you want me to go down with you?”

“There’s no way I could say goodbye to you without kissing you, Michael, and kissing in front of Flint is the definition of a bad idea.”

Michael nodded. “You’re right.” He tugged Alex back to him and kissed him one last time. “See you Saturday.”

“At the crack of dawn.” He kissed the tip of Michael’s nose and headed out the door.

Out front, Alex was surprised to find Flint actually outside the car, and was even more surprised to get a bear hug from his older brother. Flint held him at arm’s length when he pulled back. “Do I look okay?”

Flint laughed. “I haven’t seen you in five years, you look _tall.”_

Alex laughed, relieved that that was all. “Okay, then yah, I am definitely taller than the last time you saw me.”

“Your hair’s darker, too. It was pretty blond when you were little.”

“It’s just kept getting darker since I was like twelve.” He put his duffle and backpack in the backseat of the rental car, but kept his phone with him when he got in. “I found a picture from my first day of 6th grade when I was going through my desk a couple weeks ago, and I’d forgotten how light it was back then.”

“It’s long, too.”

“I haven’t gotten it cut since August. I’m just sorta leaving it to its own devices until I decide what I want to do with it.”

“Since Dad isn’t going to drive you out to the barber on base once a month.”

“Yah, that.”

Flint laughed. It surprised Alex that it wasn’t a harsh or cold sound. “Sometimes I think when I retire I’m going to go full-on mountain man and stop shaving and cutting my hair entirely. Then I take a two week leave and realize I can’t grow a beard to save my life and if my hair touches the back of my neck it drives me crazy.”

Alex laughed softly. “I can’t grow a beard either. I mean, I haven’t explicitly tried, but after a week I just look like a wannabe pirate, so I don’t have a lot of hope.”

“A ‘wannabe pirate?’” Flint laughed. “I can sorta picture that.” 

He almost blurted out that Michael liked it, but stopped himself in time. “Tell me about your girlfriend.” _Just gonna guide my thoughts away from Michael liking my facial hair…_

“Okay, ah, her name is Brianna, she’s 28, and from Wilmington.” 

“Oh my god, Flint, I don’t want her Facebook profile, what do you like about her?” Flint looked startled by that, and Alex realized that Flint thought he'd just been humoring him or making conversation and didn’t realize he actually cared. “It must be pretty serious if you’ve been together for five years and you want to propose to her.” _Flint doesn’t even really know me, he has no reason to think I’d care about his girlfriend. _ But Alex did care, he couldn’t help it. 

“Oh, well, yah, it’s serious. We met on my second deployment. She caught my attention because I hit on her and she told me to go get the biggest bowl of dicks I could find and just chow down.” 

Alex burst out laughing, he had seriously not expected that. “Oh, you must have made a great first impression.”

“Clearly,” Flint laughed. “Turns out telling a girl she has nice tits is actually not a compliment and will not get you laid.”

“Shocking,” Alex laughed. “How did you recover from that stunning first impression?”

“I made it worse. I went to apologize to her and hoped maybe I could talk her around to sleeping with me. It did not work and I started to wonder if maybe women were more complicated than I’d been led to believe.”

“Yah, it’s almost like they’re people with personalities and stuff,” Alex responded dryly. 

“That was the piece of the puzzle I was missing, the part where no one with a personality was going to be interested in sleeping with me. But before I figured that out, I was just pissed that she didn’t think I was worth her time, so I started trying to talk to her just to annoy her. Like, not stalking her, that’s creepy, but in any situation where she was, if I was there, I was going to talk to her in the most annoying way possible. Nothing romantic, nothing sexual, just being annoying.”

“How the fuck did that work?”

“It was weird, she was a total bitch to me and I totally forgot why I ever wanted to sleep with her, but at that point I was too invested in annoying her to stop bothering her. At some point, she started trying to annoy me back by approaching me to bitch about things I didn’t care about.”

“Humans are persistence predators…”

Flint cracked up. “I wasn’t even trying to get in her pants anymore. She was too difficult. Or,” he corrected, “That’s what I thought at the time.”

“So your sex object had become a source of pure aggrevation?”

“Ouch, Alex, but accurate.” Flint was quiet for a few minutes. “I didn’t realize how much I cared about her until I thought she’d been hurt. I was just sitting in my bunk agonizing over it, because I cared about her even though I wasn’t actively trying to sleep with her. It had never occurred to me that men and women could be friends before that moment, and that I was a really shitty friend.”

“She was okay though?”

“Yah, and after that I just tried being a decent person to her, since I didn’t have a lot of real friends, and possibly losing her made me realize I actually really liked her as a person. I didn’t do a very good job of not being an asshole at first, but eventually we were inseparable. I was totally in love with her and didn’t realize it, because I’d never loved a real person before. I really felt like I’d lost my chance with her, but when we got orders to move, we ended up together again, and one night I just confessed that I loved her, and understood that she didn’t feel that way, but I wanted her to know.”

“Oh my god, that’s like, a rom-com quality confession.”

“I didn’t even plan it that way.”

Alex waited for a few moments. “Oh come on, Flint, you have to tell me what she said! I’m invested now!”

He laughed. “She told me it was idiotic to try to have a relationship in a war zone and while I was trying to agree with her she kissed me.”

“Aw, that’s cute.”

“Sometimes I tell the story as ‘this my girlfriend Brianna, we’ve never slept together,’ because we never did just ‘sleep with each other’ we were in love before we ever kissed.”

“I’m having a really hard time accepting how cute that is.”

“This is why no one knew I had a girlfriend.” 

“How did Chris find out?”

“He’s my emergency contact, so I needed them to know about each other. Bri knows about all of you, but, I never, uh--”

“It’s okay.” 

“It’s just, you know, Dad.”

Alex nodded. “He wouldn’t approve?”

“I don’t want to find out.”

It was just out there, unspoken, that Flint was too scared of their dad to stand up to him if he didn’t like his girlfriend. “Are you fairly certain she’ll say yes when you propose?”

“Well, yah,” Flint laughed. “I mean, there’s always a chance she’ll say no, but, I don’t expect it.”

“Are you going to have a big wedding? Or just a quick visit to the chaplain?”

“She’s the only daughter in a southern family, what do you think?” 

Alex laughed. “You’ll probably have to tell Dad before the wedding.”

Flint sighed. “Yah, I’ll tell him after she says yes. I mean, there’s no reason why he wouldn’t like her, on the surface at least.”

“‘On the surface?’”

“Well, I mean, she’s beautiful, she has long blonde hair and freckles, and she’s from a military family, her dad and brothers are also Air Force. She’s smart and funny and sarcastic.”

“I’m not seeing the problem here.”

“She’s a lot more liberal than Dad. And she’s a lot more likely to call someone on their shit than to put up with it. And she’s really opinionated.”

“Oh...yah. Does she...know? About…?” Alex made a vague gesture that seemed to encompass their entire childhood.

“Some. I think Dad would completely lose it if he knew how much I’ve told my therapist.”

“You’re getting therapy?” When Flint didn’t answer right away, Alex continued, “No, that’s really good, Flint, that’s good.” Tentatively, he squeezed his arm. “I’m thinking about it too.” He watched his brother relax a little. “I have nightmares.”

“I have them too, and not just from combat. That’s why the therapy started, but...it all has to come out if you want it to work. And I want things to work with Bri, and that means I have to work on myself.”

“Okay, this is going to sound really stupid coming from your little brother, but I’m proud of you? That’s hard, that’s, like, a lot of hard things all at once.” _Who is this person? Is this my brother?_

“Thanks, Alex.” Flint looked away from the road long enough to smile at him. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Tell me about your first semester of college! First time away from home! I know you’re partying.”

“I went to exactly one party this semester,” Alex answered, uncomfortable. “The rest of the time I really have mostly just focused on my classes. I went into all my finals with a 4.0.”

“What did you decide to major in?”

“Computer science and engineering.”

“Oh really? I thought you’d go for music.”

Alex looked at him, surprised. “No, I thought about it, but computer science is more marketable. It’s my minor, though.”

“Oh good, do you still have Mom’s guitar?”

“Of course. I’d never get rid of it.”

“Good.” They were quiet for a few minutes. “Do you get along with your roommate?”

“Oh, um, yah,” Alex answered weakly. “He’s an engineering major and music minor, too.”

“Very cool. Have you made any other friends?”

“A few, but Michael’s my best friend. Maria DeLuca is there, too, she lives in my building.”

“What’s Maria majoring in?”

“Dance.”

“I love dancing,” Flint answered quietly. “I used to hit clubs wherever I was stationed to get shitfaced and dance. Since I’ve been stateside, Bri talked me into taking ballroom dancing lessons, and it’s actually really nice.”

_I’m seeing a softer side of Flint I never expected._ “You’ll be prepared for your wedding.”

“Will you come?”

“Duh.” He grinned when Flint laughed. “But don’t ask me to be a groomsman unless you’re buying the outfit, I’m way too poor.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

They were quiet for a while, and Flint offered to let Alex plug his phone into the aux cable. He chose one of the mixed playlists he had with some of Michael’s favorite songs, partially because he figured Flint would like rock and country, and partially because he wanted to think about Michael. He decided to text him.

_Alex: Hey sweetheart_

_ Alex: Flint is being weirdly cool_

_ Alex: He hugged me_

_ Michael: Whoa really? He’s being nice?_

_ Alex: Yah its weird_

_ Alex: But good_

_ Alex: He told me about his gf_

_ Alex: Hes scared for Dad to meet her_

_ Michael: Why?_

_ Alex: I think she might go off on him _

_ Alex: Thats how it sounds_

_ Michael: Oh not good. And she knows about everything?_

_ Alex: He told her some stuff_

_ Alex: She sounds cool_

_ Alex: Really badass_

_ Michael: Two of your brothers seem to have been reformed._

_ Alex: I know_

_ Alex: I guess stranger things have happened_

“Who are you texting with?”

Alex knew he was blushing, but tried to cover it with a breezy, “Oh, my roommate. I know he’s bored.”

“Did he stay at school over break too?”

“Yah, he doesn’t have a family, he was in foster care.”

“Shit, that’s not good.”

“No, it was decidedly bad. Gave us a lot of common ground though.”

“What’s his name again?”

“Michael. He’s scary smart. And really funny. And a genuinely nice guy.” _Did that sound neutral enough?_ Alex didn’t know why he was trying to pretend that Michael wasn’t his boyfriend, Flint had to have seen the pictures on Facebook to know he’d gone to a party. 

“He’s an engineering major? What does he want to do? What do _you_ want to do?”

“He wants to go into aerospace, I’m kind of all over the place. One day I like the idea of doing intelligence, the next I want to do aerospace too.”

“Intelligence, huh? Sometimes the military hires civilian contractors, but not very often.”

Alex nodded. “I know. But private companies that work internationally sometimes need that level of security. And not everything in the government goes through the Pentagon.”

“That’s true. Why intelligence?”

_What the fuck, might as well tell the truth, who cares._ “It’s the only legal way to be a hacker.”

Flint laughed. “I should have guessed from your overall rebellious appearance.”

Alex scoffed. “This is nothing. I toned it down today.”

“I’ve seen some of your Facebook pics, so I can tell.”

“I guess, yah.” 

They were quiet for a while, just listening to Alex’s music. Michael texted him.

_Michael: Out of desperation for a distraction, I went to the public library. Card acquired._

_ Alex: Thats a rly good idea_

_ Alex: Ill get one when i get back_

_ Alex: What did you check out_

_ Michael: A bunch of murder mysteries._

_ Michael: Real uplifting literature._

_ Alex: Easy to read tho_

_ Michael: Yah the popular crime novels take me about one night._

_ Alex: Thats how I am with YA novels_

_ Alex: They go fast_

_ Michael: I never read young adult novels._

_ Alex: Sometimes theyre good_

_ Alex: I kinda think HP counts_

_ Alex: Fantasy YA_

Michael: I can see that.

“Your roommate again?”

Alex looked up from his phone. “Yah, he was bored enough he went and got a library card so he could check out a bunch of books.”

“I have to be pretty damned bored to read.”

“We both like reading. Most of my books are at home, though.”

“What else do you do for fun at college? Since you said you’ve only been to one party.”

“Oh, um,” _Go on dates with Michael,_ “Movies with friends, hang out and play guitar, just sit around and talk a lot of the time. But I put so much time and effort into my classwork that I don’t socialize that much. Usually Michael and I hang out working on homework or watching something on my laptop.” He chewed on his lip for a minute. “I guess most of my socializing is meals in the cafeteria and gaming with my suitemates.” He laughed. “Okay, a lot of my free time is spent taking naps.”

“Lame,” Flint teased. “You need to get out more, live a little.”

“Maybe. I really want to walk across the stage in four years with a 4.0 and a bunch of awards, though. That’s my focus.”

“That’s a good goal.” Flint was quiet for a few minutes. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

Alex inhaled sharply and looked at his brother. “Um.”

“Alex, I know you’re gay. Everyone knows you’re gay at this point.” 

He laughed weakly. “Okay, yah, you’re probably right.” He took a deep breath, wondering what kind of recriminations he was going to get for his admission. “Yes, I have a boyfriend.”

“Is it the guy from the Halloween pictures?”

“Yah. It’s Michael.”

“Your roommate?” He glanced away from the road minute to give him an amused look. “What are the odds two gay kids with shitty childhoods get stuck in the same room?”

“Well, he’s bi, but yah, it was really unlikely. I’m glad, though.” He couldn’t not smile. “We just clicked.”

“That’s nice.” 

Alex could see that Flint was a little uncomfortable, so he didn’t divulge any more information about Michael or their relationship. He really didn’t want any shit while he was trapped in the car. “It is nice. He’s my best friend, and we enjoy being together, and I’m really happy.”

“That’s good, Alex. You deserve to be happy.” 

“Oh, thank you.” That felt good. It felt good to have one of his brothers tell him he deserved to not suffer. “I’m glad you’re happy with Brianna.”

“Thanks. It’s nice to have someone that just knows you and likes you anyway.”

“Yah,” Alex laughed. “It is nice.”

“I know I’ve been really shitty about, well, gay stuff in the past. I still don’t get it, it still weirds me out a little, but I’ve met gay soldiers that I would trust with my life now, and you’re my brother, and I need to stop being a dickhead.”

“Oh my god,” Alex whispered. “Thank you.” He turned Flint’s words over in his head. “How do you not get it? You like girls. I like boys. It works exactly the same way.” _God it feels weird to have this conversation with Flint._

“I don’t know why it bothers me, it’s just weird to have a guy checking me out.”

“Don’t you check out girls all the time?”

“Casually, now that I’m in a relationship, but I notice girls, yah.”

“So I notice guys. But I’m not obsessively lusting after them or anything. Being gay doesn’t make you a predator.”

Flint was silent for a moment. “I hadn’t really thought of it that way.”

“You don’t want guys to think about you the way you think about women,” Alex responded dryly. “Like sex objects.” 

“Ouch.” He was quiet. “Okay, that’s a fair point.”

“How do you think women feel all the time?”

Flint was quiet. “I was about to say ‘it’s different’ but it’s literally not different.”

“Nope.” Alex shook his head. “Most of my friends are girls, they feel just as gross about creepy guys as you would.”

“Huh.” 

“You should ask Brianna how she feels about it. Girls really do not think it’s a compliment to stare at them. And now you know first hand that random sexual comments about their bodies are _not_ flirting, and _not_ compliments. I’m not saying all gay guys are great or anything,” Alex added, “But I bet no one has _ever_ done that to you, and you’re still scared that a guy might find you attractive.”

“Huh,” he repeated, then was quiet for a few minutes. “I guess I’ve never felt that, even in the showers, like someone was creeping on me.” 

“You probably never will. One of the least attractive things about you, for a gay guy anyway, is that you’re obviously straight.”

Flint burst out laughing at that. “That’s a factor?”

“Duh. I’m not saying guys haven’t found you attractive, just that you’re clearly really hetereosexual, no one’s going to attempt to hit on you. And you never know how many gay guys you’ve been in the showers with over your life, but none of them were as disgusting as straight men usually are to girls, so you didn’t even realize.” _This is officially the weirdest day of my life. Am I in The Twilight Zone?_ “Society kinda makes guys think it’s okay to stalk and harass girls into dating them. Like, one of my personal heroes is Han Solo, and he totally refused to take Leia’s ‘no’ for an answer and kissed her when she really was not interested, but then _boom_ they were totally in love. Everyone thought it was romantic in the 80s, and it’s still one of my favorite movie scenes, but women really _don’t_ like men bothering them until they want to scream and touching them without permission. Telling a girl she has nice tits really _isn’t_ a compliment, it’s just a judgement of how sexually attractive she is as a thing, not a person. And most of the time, guys don’t do that to other guys out in public the way straight guys do to girls. And not to guys that are obviously not into guys.”

“So you’re saying no one is going to jump me?” Flint joked, sounding less uncomfortable than he had at the beginning of the conversation. 

“Not unless they’re trying to steal your wallet and phone.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a while before Alex’s phone chimed again. It was a text from Maria.

_Maria: Are you alive?_

_ Alex: Yah Flint hasnt killed me_

_ Maria: That’s good. How is he?_

_ Alex: Weird_

_ Alex: Like good weird_

_ Alex: But weird_

_ Maria: Explain ‘good weird’ please?_

_ Alex: Second brother to be okay with me being gay_

_ Alex: He even asked me about Michael_

_ Alex: And we had philosophical conversation about respecting women_

_ Alex: And why no gay man is going to leap out of a tree and hump him_

_ Maria: HAHAHA!!! 😂_

_ Maria: I’m really surprised he isn’t being a sack of shit. Ask if he still votes republican._

_ Alex: His gf must be a good influence_

_ Alex: But hes met some gay soldiers now he trusts_

_ Alex: And developed some respect for women_

_ Alex: He seems more mature _

_ Maria: About fucking time! _

“Your boyfriend again?”

“Huh uh, Maria. Making sure you didn’t kill me out of annoyance and dump my body in a ditch.”

“I clearly have not made a good impression on Maria DeLuca over the years.”

“When she was seven your dickhead friend Rodney called her the N word and you just laughed at her when she looked up to you for help since you were watching the two of us. When we were in 5th grade and you were home for Christmas you knocked her milkshake into her lap, and when she got mad you laughed at her and told her she was ‘cute when she’s angry.’ You post borderline racist jokes on Facebook. Until like two years ago, you put the worst homophobic garbage you could find on Facebook knowing I’d see it. _You sent Christmas cards that were only addressed to Dad, not me.”_

“Shit, I do sound like an asshole, no wonder she doesn’t like me.” He was quiet for a minute. “I’d completely forgotten about the N word incident. I’m not racist, I’m really not, but highschool me was a dick. I probably thought I looked cool acting that way.” He shook his head. “Sometimes when I make a mistake and feel bad about it, I’m an asshole instead of apologizing. My therapist said it’s because the only time I’ve ever been vulnerable enough to have to apologize was when I’d done something Dad was beating me for, so I just never wanted to apologize again. That’s why I was so mean when I spilled her milkshake, I hadn’t even thought about that in years. I’ve been doing shit like that all my life.”

“That makes a really sad amount of sense.”

“Yah. It’s something bullies do. Bri and I want to have kids, and I don’t want to be a bully to them.” Flint sighed. “Most of the jokes on Facebook were more for showing off to other guys than anything else. Again, bully behavior. Trying to feel better by making others feel worse. But the cards, Alex, I always sent you your own card. I sent two, one for each of you. I sent you postcards from where I was stationed, too.”

Tears formed in Alex’s eyes. “Dad must have thrown them all away.”

“I’m sorry, bro, I really am.” He took a hand off the wheel to squeeze Alex’s shoulder. “He was worse to you than any of us.”

“He-he broke three of my ribs before I left for school,” Alex whispered. “With a baseball bat. That he bought just to beat me with.” Tears spilled down his cheeks. “Why would he have thrown the cards away? I don’t, I don’t get it!”

“That goddamned motherfucking sonofabitch,” Flint ground out. “He hit you hard enough to break bones?” 

Alex could see that his brother was livid. “Yah. I always wondered if he was the one that broke Evan’s arm, not a biking accident.” He wiped his cheeks. “Michael thinks it’s because he wanted to try to ruin my new life for me, and make sure I knew that if I fucked up, there was more where that was coming from when I got home.”

“We’re going to make sure you’re not alone with him. Do you have somewhere you can go?”

“Yah, to Maria’s or I can hang out with Liz at the Crashdown.”

“Good.” He was silently fuming for a few minutes. “He probably threw the cards away so we couldn’t get close enough to each other to unite against him. Chris and I didn’t realize how much he was playing us against each other until we started talking after he enlisted.”

“Do you remember when Evan came home after basic and got into a fight sneaking into the Wild Pony?”

“Yah, why?”

“Because that’s what I told him to tell everyone. In reality he’d gotten a tattoo Dad didn’t like and he’d backhanded him across the face so hard that he really _looked_ like he’d been on the wrong end of a bar fight.”

“Jesus Christ.”

_It’s just so fucking unfair that we’re all scared of one man._ “I stood in the kitchen with him and put a bag of frozen peas on his cheek to keep it from getting too swollen and bruised. He was humiliated. I added ‘get a tattoo’ to my list of things _not_ to do if I wanted to live.”

“Do you want a tattoo?”

“Yah, there’s a dragon from my favorite movie that I’d really like on my arm. I want to be sure I don’t have to see dad again before I get it, though.”

“Good plan. I’ve gotten a couple more, but they won’t show in winter clothes.”

“You don’t think he’d hit you, do you? You could actually file assault charges. You could go to his CO.”

“I could go to his CO,” Flint repeated softly. “Yah, I don’t think he’d try anything. I mean, I rank him, and if I reported it to _my_ CO, there’d be problems.”

“I never wanted to try anything when I was a minor for like a million reasons. I don’t think he’ll try to hit either of us if we’re together. We’re not kids. And you have muscles.”

Flint laughed. “Yah, I do work out, more than I have to. It’s stress relief.”

“I run. I lost most of my endurance when I couldn’t exercise with the broken ribs, so I’m working back up now. I was doing about 10 miles every Sunday before I moved to Albuquerque. I want to run a half marathon.”

“Seriously? 10 miles?” Flint gaped at him. “I’m impressed. How long is a half marathon?”

“13.1 miles. I was thinking about cross training with weights. I have free access to the campus rec center since I’m living on campus, and I think it’s like $10 a month after I move as long as I’m a student.”

“That’s a good plan. I run, every soldier runs, but not 10 fucking miles.”

Alex laughed. “It started as stress relief for me, too, but then the challenge was something I wanted to focus on. I’m looking forward to running my old routes while I’m visiting.”

“I’m looking forward to taking a week off from working out. We are very different people.”

“I can just clear my mind while I’m focusing on my breathing. When I get done and I have the endorphin high and the quiet brain it’s the best. Then a shower, and it’s nirvana.”

“That’s the way football was for me in high school.”

“If you hadn’t been following in Dad’s footsteps, do you think you would have tried to go to college with a football scholarship?”

Flint thought about it for a minute. “Maybe. My grades weren’t great, though, so I don’t know if I could actually have made it in college. It would have been fun to keep playing for another few years, though.” He was quiet for a second. “Chris could have. He was a stellar running back and had really good grades. He didn’t even have to try that hard.” 

“Evan wanted to do community college in Santa Fe and concentrate on cross-country cycling, like the hardcore mountain biking over rough terrain. He was really good. Dad wasn’t having any of that. If I hadn’t gotten a full ride to UNM, I don’t know what I would have done.”

“Is there a career in that kind of biking?”

“I don’t know. But he told me he really wanted to get a job and go to school to support his biking, then transfer to a university to finish and get a degree in kinesiology. He wanted to do orthopedic physical therapy for athletes.” Alex sighed. “He was so excited about it, but at the last minute the roommates he had for running away fell through and dad bullied him into enlisting.”

“At least he can still do the degree when he gets out.”

“That’s true. What do you want to do when you get out?”

Flint shrugged. “No idea. I’m going to go for at least 25 years in the Air Force, then I don’t know. Like I said, I don’t know if I’m capable of college, especially after being out of school for so many years. Bri’s going to go to nursing school. Her enlistment is up this year and she’s going to take the honorable discharge.”

“That’s awesome.”

They lapsed into comfortable silence for a while, and unsurprisingly, Alex fell asleep. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep when Flint shook him gently. “Hey Alex, we’re almost home.”

Alex sat up and stretched and popped his neck. His stomach growled and he realized it had been a long time since coffee cake. “Are you hungry? I’m starving.”

“Yah, fucking starving. Wanna hit the Crashdown before we go to Dad’s? I could really go for an Out of This World Enchilada platter and a Peanut Butter Blast-Off.”

“That sounds awesome. I can get a Martian Malt and dip my fries in it.”

“You still do that?”

“Maria says it’s a personality flaw.”

“She’s not wrong.”

As soon as they walked in, Alex heard a shriek and saw Liz running over. He caught her in a hug when she flung herself into his arms. “Ugh, freshman 15, you’re breaking my spine,” he teased.

Liz slapped his shoulder when he set her down. “Only five pounds, thank you very much.”

Alex looked her up and down. “Your dad changed the uniforms!”

“These are _so_ much better.” Liz indicated her apron with both hands. “Not a metallic silver alien face.”

“The style is way cuter, too. Still got the antennas, though.”

“Life isn’t fair.” She turned her attention to Alex’s brother. “Hi Flint.”

“Hey Liz.” He looked at Alex’s friend. “I can’t believe you’re 18 and going to college. The last time I saw you, you were still under five feet tall and punched me in the stomach for being mean to Alex.”

Liz and Alex both laughed. “If you’re mean now, I’ll charge you double and get you banned from enchiladas for life.”

Flint clutched his chest. “No, please, the only reason I come to Roswell is for those enchiladas.”

She laughed. “Go sit! I’ll be there in a second.”

They sat down, and Alex told Flint he needed to let Michael know he was in Roswell. Flint waved him off, saying, “Text your boyfriend, it’s cool.”

_Alex: I’m here and were getting food_

_ Alex: Flint is being so nice_

_ Alex: We talked a lot_

_ Micheal: Good talking?_

_ Alex: Yah hes changed a lot_

_ Alex: I think youd like him now_

_ Michael: I’ll reserve judgement until I see him in action._

_ Alex: Thats fair_

_ Alex: He was even nice to Liz_

_ Alex: And she hit him the last time he saw her_

_ Alex: Hard_

_ Michael: He probably deserved it._

_ Alex: oh yah definitely_

_ Alex: I’ll call you for real when I get to dads house_

_ Alex: Liz is here for our order_

_ Michael: Eat! Call me later. Love you. ❤_

_ Alex: Love you too sweetheart ❤_

“Do you make that face every time you text him?”

Alex looked up at Liz’s amused expression. “According to my friend Junko, yes. According to Michael, I make weird faces every time I text someone.”

“You really do,” Liz agreed. “Anyway, what can I get you?”

After Liz brought their order, she sat in the booth with Alex for a minute. The lunch crowd was getting into full swing, but she wanted to catch up. “How long are you going to be here?”

“Flint flies out at an ungodly hour Saturday morning.”

Flint saluted with his fork. “‘Ungodly’ is a good description.”

“What are you doing for Christmas dinner?”

Alex looked at Flint. “Are you going to Eddie’s for dinner?”

Flint nodded. “His wife is cooking. She’s white, so it’s going to be both tamales and turkey.”

“I definitely don’t want to stare awkwardly at Dad for the entire day, can I eat with you guys? If not, I’m sure Mimi will have me over.”

“Of course! But I think Maria’s doing hers later in the evening on Christmas, and we’re doing it at like 1:00, so we could do _both_ Christmas dinners and explode.”

They all laughed. “That sounds amazing. I can probably just sleep at Maria’s if you want me to, Flint.”

“We should probably at least say ‘hi’ to Dad sometime on Christmas day. We’ll have to see if he’s on duty.”

“It would so him to decide to take a 24-hour shift the first Christmas two of his sons are home.” Liz sounded bitter and angry.

“Unless he was hoping to have us trapped with him,” Flint argued. He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. If you want to stay with Maria, I’ll stay with Eddie.”

“That works.”

“I have to get back to the customers, I’ll send Papi out to say hi, though!” Liz kissed Alex’s cheek and bounced back into the swing of the restaurant. 

Arturo came out to greet them both warmly just as they were finishing, and let Alex know that Rosa would be back from her friend’s house later if he wanted to come over. Arturo had always been like another father to him, just like Jim Valenti had before his relationship with Kyle had gone south. He hugged Arturo before they left and promised he’d be back for more ice cream and french fries before he left.

As Alex expected, their dad wasn’t home when they pulled up to the house. He still had his key, and was relieved to see that their dad hadn’t changed the locks on them before they got home. It would have been just his style to make them wait on the porch until he got back from base after dark. Humiliation was one of his favorite forms of parental expression. 

The house smelled stuffy and musty, and Alex assumed his dad hadn’t opened any windows, even when the weather was nice in the fall. He checked the kitchen, and it was clean, thankfully. His room was exactly as he’d left it. He dropped his bags on his bed and went down the hall to Flint’s. “I’m going to wash my sheets, I’ll throw one of the clean sets in for you so they’re fresh.” After thinking about it, he added, “I’ll wash some blankets, too.”

“Thanks, bro. I didn’t really expect him to make the beds or anything, but I kind of hoped he would.”

Alex stripped his bed and started a load of laundry. The pillows on Flint’s and Chris’s beds smelled like dust, so he threw them in the dryer with a bunch of dryer sheets to make them usable. The bathroom obviously hadn’t been used, there was a layer of dust on everything. “Jesus christ,” Alex muttered. His cleaning stuff was still under the sink, and he took a moment to clean everything with Scrubbing Bubbles and a washcloth, and ran water in the sink and bathtub so the water wasn’t rusty when they tried to use them later.

The living room was dusty, so Alex cleaned off the surfaces, then ran the vacuum. He could hear Flint in the kitchen and went to investigate. “It looks relatively clean in here,” he commented, “But I don’t know if I really trust Dad’s level of clean.”

“You were keeping things clean?”

“Yah, since I was 12 or 13. I don’t like dirt.”

Flint laughed. “I can tell, you just basically cleaned the house in 30 minutes and started doing laundry.”

Alex shrugged. “If I’m going to be here, I want it to be clean. It looks like Dad’s at least keeping the kitchen sanitary.” He opened the fridge. “We might need to go shopping if we’re going to eat while we’re here. I was doing all the cooking, and it doesn’t look like Dad started doing it after I left.” There were three take out cartons, a six-pack of beer, and two bottles of ketchup in the fridge. “At least the same food isn’t in here from August.”

“I wonder if the dishes are dusty,” Flint mused and opened a cupboard. “No, he must be using them, they’re clean.”

“I think I have dishwashing PTSD,” Alex said softly. “I get scared standing at the sink.”

“Is that where he attacked you?”

He nodded. “I was doing the dishes with headphones in. I didn’t hear him coming up behind me.”

Flint pulled him into a hug. “I’ll do dishes while we’re home.”

“Thank you.” Getting comfort hugs from a family member was a novel experience, but nice. 

“Let’s go get some groceries.”

“Can I call Michael first?” 

“Oh, yah, of course.” Flint smiled. “I should call Brianna.”

Alex went back in his room, pulled out his phone, and dialed Michael. The phone rang once before he answered.

“Everything okay, baby?”

Alex laughed softly. “Yah, everything’s fine. I just cleaned the house and started laundry. Flint and I are going to go buy some food after we talk to our significant others.”

“Was the house really gross or something?”

“No, but it wasn’t up to my standards. No one had been in my bathroom so it was dusty as hell. I should have brought one of my pillows, I just threw the two in Flint’s room in the dryer to knock the dust off.”

“So your dad didn’t do anything to prepare for you guys coming to visit.”

“Nope.” Alex popped the plosive at the end. “Not a thing. And Flint used to be his favorite, I don’t know what happened.”

“He’s keeping you both in your place, making sure you know you’re supposed to be subservient.”

“I’m sure you’re right.” Alex sighed. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, baby. I’m going out with the three amigos tonight for a Christmas dinner before Krista goes to Hawaii.”

“That’s awesome! I arranged with Liz to have Christmas dinner with her and her family, but she said Maria’s is later in the evening so we’re going over there for more food.”

“Sweet. You’ll have to call me from DeLuca’s so I can say merry Christmas to everyone.”

“I totally will. I can take my computer and we can Skype.”

“Even better. I want to see your face.”

“You will tonight. After Dad goes to bed we can talk.”

“Good, I’ll look forward to it.” Michael paused. “Have we ever actually talked on the phone before?”

“Y’know, I don’t think so,” Alex laughed. “We’re always together.”

“I like always being together.”

“Me too.”

Alex looked up when Flint tapped on the open door. “Let me know when you’re ready to head to the store.”

“Go ahead and go, baby, we can talk more later.”

“You sure?”

“Yah, it’s fine. I have a feeling that we could probably stay on the phone for hours if we’re not careful.”

“You’re probably right. I love you.”

“Love you too, talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Alex forced himself to end the call. He’d rather talk to Michael than grocery shop, but they probably _could_ talk about nothing for hours if they didn’t watch it.

Flint looked up from his phone when Alex walked into the living room. “Ready to go?”

“Let me put the sheets in the dryer and start the blankets. I should throw towels in, too.”

By late afternoon, the beds were made, fresh towels were in the bathroom, and Alex and Flint were lounging in the living room with the TV on, munching on chips and salsa and playing on their phones. Alex had a pot of chilli on the stove and planned to make cornbread when their dad got home. Flint was impressed that Alex was making the chilli from scratch, not just dumping some Hormel in a pot. Alex had let him know in no uncertain terms that he wouldn’t even feed Hormel chilli to a stray coyote.

He decided to text Michael after beating his high score on Bubble Pop. 

_Alex: I miss you_

_ Alex: Im making chilli and cornbread_

_ Alex: I didnt realize I missed cooking_

He waited a minute for Michael to reply.

_Michael: Chilli and cornbread sounds amazing. Jalapeno cornbread?_

_ Alex: Yah_

_ Alex: Medium heat for Dad_

_ Alex: He thinks he likes spicy food but hes wrong_

_ Alex: I made sure to get bear shaped honey for the cornbread_

_ Michael: You put honey on jalapeno cornbread?_

_ Alex: OMG it’s amazing_

_ Alex: The sweet and spicy go together so well_

_ Michael: I’ll have to try it. You can make it for me._

_ Alex: I would love to cook for you_

_ Alex: Even though its womans work and ur my wife_

_ Michael: HAHAHAHAHA_

_ Michael: Don’t let DeLuca hear you say that._

_ Alex: lol no shed agree since ur the wife_

_ Alex: And giving you shit is her fav sport_

_ Michael: 😂_

_ Michael: Well giving her shit is mine so that’s fair._

_ Michael: What are you up to?_

_ Alex: Watching tv and texting lol_

_ Alex: Flints gf likes to text and shes bored at home_

_ Alex: He said shes getting out this year and going to nursing school_

_ Michael: That’s cool. _

_ Alex: Nurses are also badass_

_ Alex: Shes in medical in the AF already_

_ Michael: Nursing you back to health was enough nursing for me._

_ Alex: Yah def not my first choice of jobs_

_ Alex: Lucky for u i dont get sick that often_

_ Michael: Why is your spelling and capitalization different in literally every text?_

_ Alex: Autocorrect doesnt get all the caps and I kinda decide as I go on u/you_

_ Alex: Autocorrect has limitations but its better since the last update_

_ Michael: That’s true more of your texts have made sense._

_ Alex: Why am I dating you?_

_ Michael: Because you love me._

_ Alex: Damn it your right_

_ Michael: *you’re_

_ Alex: The things I put up with for this relationship_

_ Michael: You could learn to text._

_ Alex: Good bfs dont expect there partners to change for them_

_ Michael: *their_

Alex looked up when he heard the key in the lock. He quickly texted Michael.

_Alex: My dads home i’ll text you later_

_ Michael: Love you._

_ Alex: Love you too._

Flint and Alex looked at each other and tacitly agreed that they weren’t going to stand up for him. _He’s not our commanding officer. Not anymore._

Jesse Manes walked into the house, and the darkness from outside the door seemed to come in with him. He was such an unassuming looking person; ruggedly handsome, compact build, sandy blond hair. But the cold, hard hatred of his eyes betrayed his true nature. He could turn on the charm if needed, and passed for a good guy out in public, but he was a tyrant in his own home.

“Hey Dad,” Flint greeted, standing now for a hug. When he approached with arms open, Jesse stared at him for a minute before giving him a back-slapping hug that looked like it knocked the wind out of his brother. “Merry Christmas a few days early.”

“Merry Christmas.” 

Alex looked at him, and slowly stood. “Hi Dad.” He didn’t approach him for a hug, but since Flint stood up, it seemed rude not to. “Merry Christmas.”

Jesse nodded once, a sort of generic, military greeting. “Alex.”

_Yep, still pissed about the Facebook photos._ “Dinner’s almost ready, I’ll go put the cornbread in the oven.” He hoped to see a smile on his Dad’s face, and tried to quell his disappointment when he just nodded again and headed down the hall. _I don’t know why I keep thinking something I do will get his approval. It’s just never going to happen._

He’d mixed the cornbread batter ahead of time; Alex just sprinkled the diced jalapenos into the pan and stirred it a couple times before popping it in the oven and setting the timer. He opened the honey and butter they’d gotten at the store, their Dad put butter on cornbread, and got out bowls, spoons and knives. He used a couple paper towels as napkins and set the silverware on the table, and added the butter and honey to the center. He’d also cut up onions and had cheese and sour cream for the chilli, and put those out too. Flint had been stationed in Oklahoma for a while, and had acquired a taste for toppings on his chilli. He’d said that a lot of the guys put Fritos in the bottom of the bowl and poured the chilli on top, but Alex refused to allow his brother to abuse his chilli that way.

Jesse had showered and changed out of his uniform by the time the cornbread came out of the oven, and they sat down at the table in tense silence. Alex dished up the chilli and passed it to his dad and Flint before sitting down himself. At the last minute he’d remembered to put little plates on the table for the cornbread. _I don’t know if there’s anything I could have possibly done wrong with this meal, chilli is one of Dad’s favorites, the cornbread isn’t too spicy, and I even had the table set when he got out here._ He recognized both his behavior and his anxiety: he was trying to do everything possible to avoid getting smacked. _I’ll make sure I stay with Flint. He won’t try to take us both on. _

Flint broke the silence. “So how have you been, Dad? Working on any interesting projects on base?”

“Doing well. Working on building a new facility at Kirtland, I’ve been organizing materials that we’re sending.” He pointedly did not ask Flint how he was doing for a good minute. “How are you, son?”

“Good, I have an assignment in Colorado Springs starting after the holidays.” 

“Stateside this time?” 

Alex noticed the disapproval in his voice, like he wanted Flint in Iraq where he could get killed. _What kind of asshole wishes his son was in a war zone?_

Flint just nodded. “Some forces are pulling out of Iraq. My unit has all been reassigned.”

“Huh.” 

Alex was sure Brianna’s discharge had a lot to do with his desire to be in the US. “Colorado Springs isn’t too far away,” Alex commented.

“Yah, you could come visit me, bro.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be focusing on school, Alex?”

He ignored his father’s gruff tone. “I do, I have a 4.0. But we could totally hang out for a weekend.” He watched his father’s mouth pinch. _Flint was right, he doesn’t want us to be close to each other._ “Michael would probably like to come for the change of scenery,” Alex joked, and could have kicked himself. He hadn’t planned to mention Michael in front of his father _at all._

“Your roommate?” Flint asked. “Sure, does he like outdoorsy stuff? There’s lots of hiking in the area.”

“Yah actually, we both like hiking.” Alex noticed his dad’s face darkening. “My schedule for next semester is pretty packed, though.”

“Just a thought.” Flint met his eyes, they both understood they needed to drop it.

“How many classes do you consider ‘packed’?” 

_He thinks I’m slacking off and just fucking around._ “I’m taking 16 units, that’s the max you can take freshman year.” 

“Mostly gen ed stuff?” Flint asked.

Alex nodded. “Plus the first couple computer science courses. And math, I have to take like all of them.”

“What math are you taking?” Flint shuddered dramatically. “I hate math.”

“I took college algebra last semester, calc I this semester.”

They lapsed into silence while they ate. Alex was actually impressed with himself for how well dinner came out, and wished he’d baked a pie or something for dessert. He entertained a happy little fantasy of cooking for Michael when they had their apartment. 

“So Eddie Vazquez’s mother died?” Jesse asked, startling Alex.

Flint nodded. “Yah, she had pancreatic cancer. His dad died when we were in high school, and his brother was killed in a car accident a couple years ago. He has aunts and uncles, but not in the US.”

“He’s married?”

“Yah, he got married last year.”

“Hm.” 

Alex watched his dad thinking. _He’s wondering how Flint has the audacity to come home for Christmas when it wasn’t specifically for his benefit._ Most of the last 10 years Flint had been in Iraq, but their dad was still pissed that it was Eddie that brought him back to Roswell. Flint had come home when he was in 8th grade for a week at Christmas. _That was probably his first Christmas in the States,_ Alex thought. _And since then he’s spent any time in the country with Brianna._ Alex really wanted to meet the girl that had turned his brother into a person.

Jesse broke the silence again. “Any reason you’re not married, Flint?”

Flint looked at their dad, concerned. “I’m in a serious relationship, but we’re not ready to get married.”

_He’s making sure Flint’s not gay, too. Oh my god, Dad, chill the fuck out. _

“How’d you meet her?” 

Alex and Flint both noticed the emphasis on _her._ “She was in the medical unit assigned to my command unit. She’s planning to take a discharge this year and go to nursing school.” He waited a second. “Her name’s Brianna.”

That seemed to mollify their father. He didn’t ask Alex about having a girlfriend. Alex was sure his obvious enjoyment of male attention had made it back to his dad, even if he didn’t personally have a Facebook account. 

After dinner, Alex decided to help Flint with the dishes so he didn’t have to be in the living room with their dad. The house was old and didn’t have a dishwasher. When Alex had been taking care of it himself, he’d just set the dishes in the dish drainer to put away after school the following day; tonight he dried them as Flint washed and rinsed them. _I’m glad I threw some kitchen towels in with the blankets or I’d have to dry them with paper towels, and that’s such a waste._

They looked at each other after they were finished and prepared for spending the evening with their dad. He was in his chair, where he always sat. Alex took his usual spot on the couch, but instead of sitting in the other chair like he had earlier, Flint joined Alex on the couch. _Solidarity._ Jesse had changed the channel to football, thankfully, instead of Fox News. It was a college game and Alex didn’t give a fuck about sports, but football was innocuous enough and wouldn’t lead to any discussions of conversative politics. Alex was actually a little surprised at how far right his dad was, since he was devoutly not religious. Flint, as a former football player, looked happy to watch the game, and Alex pulled out his phone.

_Alex: Dinner was tense_

_Alex: Dad was checking to make sure Flint isnt gay_

_Alex: I made his favorite meal and he didnt even say thanks_

Alex didn’t expect a reply right away, Michael was out with the engineering amigos. He texted Maria.

_Alex: Omg this day has been so strange_

_Alex: I had to clean and do laundry when I got here_

_Alex: We had to go buy groceries_

_Alex: I made chilli and cornbread and dad didnt even say anything_

_Alex: He checked to make sure Flint hadn’t turned gay_

He waited a minute while the dots moved at the bottom of the screen.

_Maria: Why did you have to clean and do laundry?_

_Alex: Everything was dusty and there were no sheets for our beds_

_Alex: Or towels_

_Maria: He didn’t do anything to get ready for you guys?_

_Alex: Nope_

_Alex: There was literally no food_

_Alex: After we called our SOs we went and got groceries_

_Maria: Why on Earth did he think Flint was gay? Did he just come out and ask?_

_Alex: No he asked why Flint wasnt married yet_

_Alex: So he had to tell him about Brianna_

_Alex: He was keeping her a secret _

_Maria: Why, out of curiosity?_

_Alex: Hes afraid shell piss dad off_

_Alex: Shes liberal opinionated and knows he abused us_

_Maria: Oh wow, I like her already._

_Alex: I’ll have to tell you all the stuff Flint said in the car_

_Alex: But he feels bad he was an asshole to you _

_Alex: Hes trying not to be a bully to his own kids in the future_

_Maria: That’s amazing, I’m shocked. Imagine, Flint Manes, a decent person._

_Alex: Hes getting stationed in Colorado Springs _

_Alex: He asked me to visit and said Michael could come_

_Maria: WOW OH MY GOD!!!_

_Alex: I know_

_Alex: I want to meet Brianna she sounds so badass_

_Alex: She’s going to be a nurse_

“Who are you talking to?”

Alex looked over at Jesse, startled. “Maria DeLuca.”

“Hm.”

“She’s home too, we’re planning to hang out with Liz Ortecho.”

“Hm.”

_Jesus christ Dad do you think I’m sexting with my boyfriend in the living room?_

_Maria: What’s your dad doing?_

_Alex: Making sure I’m not talking to my bf by glaring at me_

_Maria: Is it working?_

_Alex: No Michael is just out with his friends _

_Maria: 😂 _

_Maria: Did he ask about possible boyfriends? Bring up the pictures?_

_Alex: No_

_Alex: I think hed want to get me alone for that to happen_

_Alex: After I told Flint about my ribs he said hed make sure he stayed with me_

_Alex: He even hugged me_

_Alex: Twice_

_Maria: Damn, war and a badass girlfriend have really changed your brother._

_Alex: I know its great_

_Alex: It feels good to be wanted _

_Alex: Oh hey Liz invited me to christmas dinner at your house lol_

_Maria: LOL that’s fine, Mom was expecting you to come over._

_Maria: What are you doing the rest of the day?_

_Alex: Dinner with Liz in the afternoon _

_Alex: Maximum christmas dinnering _

_Alex: I might stay the night is that okay_

_ Alex: Flint said hed stay with eddie if I want to stay with you_

_ Maria: That’s totally fine, you and Liz could both stay and have a slumber party._

_ Alex: That would be cool_

_ Alex: We can drink too much eggnog_

_ Alex: I told Michael wed skype him while I’m at your house_

_ Maria: Perfect! Is he going to be okay without you for five days?_

_ Alex: I hope so_

_ Alex: I hate him being alone_

_ Alex: Hes so afraid I wont come back_

_ Maria: Abandonment issues._

_ Alex: Yah_

“Liz was right, you do make weird faces when you text.”

Alex looked up at his brother. “Someone needs to take a video so I can see these faces I make. I don’t even notice I’m moving my face.”

“If you know we’re filming you, you’ll think about it and stop.”

“You’re probably right. For your information, you don’t make weird faces when you text, but you look very concerned, like every text is about your puppy being in the hospital.”

Flint laughed. “Yah, Bri said I look angry the entire time I’m texting people, even if I’m not.”

“How much time do you two spend texting?”

They both looked over at their father. “I don’t have a clue,” Flint answered. “It’s the best way to keep in touch when everyone you know is in a different country, most phone companies don’t charge anything extra for international texting.”

“I’d rather text as soon as I think of something than try to remember everything I want to ask someone the next time I see them,” Alex explained. “And then it’s all stored on my phone and I can go back and look if I’ve forgotten something.”

“I do the same thing,” Flint agreed. “I text stuff to myself all the time, it’s like writing myself a note.”

Jesse huffed. “Big groups of friends, huh?”

Alex and Flint looked at each other. “Not huge,” Alex answered, “But I like to keep in contact with my friends. We coordinate study groups that way, too.” _Nevermind that I’ve only studied with Michael and Maria this year._

“People go home, people retire, people get orders, it’s good to keep in touch.” Flint shrugged. “Bri and I talk off and on all day if we’re free.”

Alex figured he might be texting with his brothers more in the future. “Liz is going to school in Colorado, so that’s how we keep in contact.”

“Huh.”

Alex’s phone promptly buzzed, and he and Flint laughed. “Case in point…”

_Michael: Why the hell would he think Flint turned gay?_

_ Alex: Because nothing could be worse than a gay son except 2 gay sons_

_ Michael: He’s ridiculous. How did he ask if Flint was gay?_

_ Alex: Asked why he wasnt married and pushed for details_

_ Alex: Flint had to tell him about Brianna_

_ Alex: To prove hes dating a girl_

_ Michael: This is where an eye roll emoji would be perfect._

_ Alex: Right_

_ Alex: I should find out how to make emojis_

_ Alex: who needs to use school for intelligence or spaceships_

_ Alex: Ill make emojis_

_ Michael: 😂_

_ Michael: Do you feel safe?_

_ Alex: Rn yes b/c Flint is in here with me_

_ Alex: I might move my dresser in front of my br door when I go to bed_

_ Alex: I really don’t want more broken bones_

_ Michael: There’s not an emoji furious enough for my thoughts right now._

_ Alex: Flint was so upset when I told him_

_ Alex: He said he’d do the dishes cuz I get scared standing at the sink now_

_ Michael: Baby ❤ Let me kill him._

_ Alex: Tempting but no_

_ Alex: Id rather you not go to prison_

_ Alex: Harder to snuggle through bars_

_ Michael: You have a valid point._

_ Michael: I’m going to worry every minute you’re in that house._

_ Alex: I know_

_ Alex: Flint and I are going to keep each other safe_

_ Alex: In other news I can’t wait to go running tomorrow when I get up_

_ Alex: My neighborhood has no traffic_

“God, the faces you make.”

Alex laughed. “Shut up.”

_Michael: I’m going to hang out with the amigos for a while, just wanted to check on you._

_ Alex: Thats cool tell them I said hi_

_ Alex: Love you sweetheart_

_ Michael: Love you too baby._

“Are you and Maria hanging out tomorrow?”

“I don’t know, actually, we were talking about Christmas day.”

“I’m on rotation,” Jesse announced. “Christmas Eve and Christmas day.”

“Oh,” Flint responded, sounding a little hurt. “Will you be home at all?”

“After midnight on the 24th into the 25th, then reporting to base at 0600 for a 24 for the 25th through the 26th.”

Alex looked at Flint and saw the genuine disappointment on his face. He’d been hoping their father would at least want to spend part of Christmas with them. Doing an 18 then a 24 was unheard of, especially for a senior officer. The only reason a master sergeant would have that kind of hellish duty was because he volunteered just to avoid his children. And that meant he’d probably sleep the entire 26th, then he and Flint would have to leave in the middle of the night to get him to his 7:10 flight out of Albuquerque. Alex knew that neither of them had really _wanted_ to see Jesse, but neither of them had stopped craving approval and attention from their father. 

“Would you like me to make something special for dinner tomorrow, then?” Alex offered. “I don’t know if there are any turkeys left at the store, but I could do chicken with potatoes and stuffing. Or a roast? I can get a pumpkin pie.”

Jesse snorted out a laugh. “If you think you can do that, go for it.”

Alex refused to feel hurt or angry. _He doesn’t matter._ “Which would you rather have, Flint?”

“Let’s do a roast, I’ll pay for it. Maybe apple pie instead of pumpkin?”

“Oh you don’t like pumpkin, I forgot. Apple’s cool, we can warm it up in the oven and put ice cream on it.” 

“We can go shopping tomorrow.” Flint looked over at Jesse. “Does that sound good, Dad?”

“That’s fine.” 

Alex and Flint looked at each other, and Alex saw how hurt Flint was. _He was Dad’s favorite. That must have really fucked him up, being the favorite son and still getting beaten within an inch of his life and regularly humiliated._ Flint had even followed their dad’s plan by going into the Air Force, and Jesse _still_ couldn’t stop being a dick for five minutes.

After the clear dismissal of the importance of a family dinner and feeling rejected, Alex saw that Flint was focused on his phone for the rest of the evening. Alex figured they were both waiting out Jesse to go to bed, since neither of them was going to leave the other one alone with him but were scared to leave before he did. He stood, turned off the television and went down the hall to bed promptly at 10:00, completely ignoring both of his sons.

Alex looked at Flint. “I put towels in the bathroom for you. There’s shampoo and soap and stuff, and I put fresh washcloths on the shelf above the toilet.”

Flint sighed. “Thank bro. I’m exhausted, I think I will take a shower and go to bed.”

“Do you think he’ll try anything?”

He shook his head. “No, but I might put something in front of the door to wake me up if he tries to come in while I’m asleep.”

Alex was relieved that he wasn’t alone in thinking about that. “Me too.” He stood up and stretched. “I’m going to Skype with Michael for a while before I go to bed. Do you sleep in when you’re on leave?”

“My body clock is completely out of whack going from Iraq to Germany to North Carolina. Did you want to sleep in?”

“Yah,” Alex laughed. “And go for a run.”

“If you get back from your run and I’m still asleep, wake my ass up.” 

“Okay cool.” Alex had a thought. “Hey, do you want to buy Brianna some silver jewelry? She’d probably like some authentic New Mexico turquoise earrings or something.”

“You’re a genius, that’s why you’re the one that went to college. That would be great.” Flint shoved him gently. “Did you want to find something for Michael?”

Alex blushed but couldn’t help but smile. “Yah. I don’t know what, though.”

“We can shop before we get the groceries tomorrow.”

“K. See you in the morning.”

In his room, Alex pulled out his computer and booted it up. Skype killed the battery so he went ahead and plugged it in before he texted Michael.

_Alex: Hey sweetheart are you home_

_ Alex: Do you wanna skype_

_ Michael: Heck yah. Let me get my computer._

_ Alex: K_

Alex opened Skype and waited for Michael to let him know he was ready. When the call connected and he could see Michael’s smiling face he grinned. “Hi sweetheart.”

“Hey baby. Everything okay?”

He nodded. “As okay as it can be. Dad took shifts that mean he won’t see us at all on Christmas. He’s doing a 24 hour shift until the morning of the 26th so he’ll probably be asleep all day and we might not even see him before we head for Albuquerque.”

“Well, you didn’t really _want_ to see him.”

“Nope, but I don’t think Flint was expecting him to be quite such an asshole, his feelings were hurt. I asked Dad if he wanted me to make something special for dinner tomorrow, and he was a dick about it, but I’m going to make a roast.”

“Why would you go to the effort?”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “Because he thinks I’m not capable of it.”

“Good reason.” 

“I’m nothing if not petty.”

Michael laughed. “Sometimes you really are, but it’s usually funny.”

He shrugged. “We’re going to go shopping tomorrow, I thought Flint might want some silver jewelry for his girlfriend. What do _you_ want? I keep trying to think of things for you and just _can’t.”_

“I don’t know, I’m used to getting practical stuff for any random teenage boy if I get anything at all. Anything you get me will be special to me, Alex.” Michael’s eyes narrowed. “What do _you_ want?”

“Anything you get me will be perfect, because it’s from you. Doesn’t matter what it is.” Alex raised an eyebrow. “We might have wanted to start shopping a little earlier in the season.”

“Finals kinda took over.” Michael smiled. “You coming home is going to be enough of a gift.”

“I promise I’m coming home, sweetheart.” Michael didn’t look convinced. “I’m barely going to see my dad, he’s not even going to be home most of the time. Flint’s just as scared, we’re sticking together.” He sighed. “We’re both blocking our doors tonight just in case.”

Michael was sure every ounce of anger he was feeling was visible on his face. “Has he ever attacked you guys in your rooms before?”

Alex shook his head. “No, but we could see he was getting pissed that we were getting along so well. Flint asked us to come visit him in Colorado Springs this spring and we both backtracked about having time for that because he looked like he was going to explode.”

“He doesn’t want you guys to unite against him.”

“That’s what Flint thought, too. He said he’s been sending me Christmas cards and postcards and Dad must have been throwing them away before I could see them.”

“What a dick. I’m sorry baby.”

Alex smiled. “If I was there I’d kiss you right now so you’d stop frowning.”

Michael smiled and rolled his eyes. “And I’d kiss you back and let you make me stop frowning.”

“It’s going to be really hard to sleep without you. I’m really used to you holding me.”

Michael sighed. “Yah, it’s going to be hard to sleep without you. I’m going to be holding onto your pillow.”

Alex reached out toward the screen like he’d be able to touch his boyfriend. “I’ll be home soon.” He smiled. “I had so much fun making the chilli, do you want me to make some when I get back? I’ll make us flaming hot cornbread and you can try it with honey.”

“That would be awesome. We’ll have to get our own pots though, we won’t have Krista to bring us any.”

“We can do that. It’s not like we won’t need them when we get an apartment.” Alex knew he had a dorky smile on his face. “I can’t wait to cook for you.”

“I love you so fucking much, Alex.”

“I love you too, god, so much.” Impulsively, Alex kissed his fingers and pressed them against the webcam. “I miss you.”

Michael copied Alex’s kiss. “I miss you too, baby.”

“I think I could just sit here and look at you and yawn all night.”

“That’s not productive,” Michael laughed. “We didn’t sleep much last night and got up really early.”

Alex yawned. “And the day was pretty stressful.”

“Let’s go to sleep, baby. The longer you’re up making noise, the more chances there are that your dad will get up and hear us talking.”

“I thought about that,” Alex admitted. “I don’t know if there’d be any chance of saving me if he caught me Skyping with you. He doesn’t usually get back up after he goes in his room, but still.”

“Still. Go to sleep, baby. We can talk tomorrow.”

Alex nodded. “Love you so much, sweetheart.”

“I love you too, baby, sleep well. Be safe.”

Reluctantly, Alex signed off of Skype and closed his computer. He changed into his pajamas quickly and looked out into the hall; it was still a little steamy from Flint’s shower. He hurried to use the bathroom and brush his teeth before running back into his room. Looking at the door, he decided his empty dresser would be lighter than his full bookcase, and moved it as quietly as possible to just obstruct the door a little, enough that the door wouldn’t open all the way without significant force and he’d wake up. _It’s ridiculous that as a full-grown adult I’m this scared of my father._

He put Michael’s hoodie back on, and pulled the fabric up over his nose to inhale Irish Spring and Michael, a scent that was both warm and comforting and reminded him of how rain smelled. The room was dark and too quiet, and it was cold because his dad didn’t want to pay for electricity that would keep the house comfortable. Restless, Alex picked up his phone from where it was charging on his nightstand and looked at his wallpaper - a picture of him with Michael. _Dad can’t really hurt me, because I have Michael. He loves me, and will always love me, and Dad doesn’t matter at all. I can make it through a couple days. I can do this._

***  
Alex came awake all at once in the dark, pinned in place by fear. He didn’t dare move. He tried not to _breathe._ He focused on listening.

Boots in the hall.

He was aware that he was panicking. He tried to remind himself that he was awake, the dresser was in front of the door, and that Flint was right down the hall. 

The boots kept moving.

After a few minutes, Alex calmed down just a little, still listening for the tiniest hint of movement in the house. Eventually he heard the front door close loudly. Still he waited. Just in case.

After another painful few minutes, Alex reached over to the nightstand and picked up his phone. It was almost seven. His dad was going to work. That’s all. He stayed as still and quiet as he could for another few minutes, aware that he might be overreacting but too scared to move. It was never safe to still be in bed when Jesse got up. He wondered if Flint was scared too.

At some point he fell back asleep, and woke up when a text came in with his phone directly in front of his nose.

_Michael: Please tell me you’re okay._

_Michael: I’m worried baby. _

It was 9:03, so Jesse clearly wasn’t coming back to break down the door.

_Alex: I’m okay_

_Alex: I had a freak out when dad left for work_

_Alex: Id forgotten how scary it is to hear him walking down the hall_

_Michael: Did he do anything?_

_Alex: No just kept walking then left for work_

_Alex: But I got yelled at for being lazy too many times not to wake up_

_Alex: If I hear him moving I can be up and look completely awake instantly_

_Michael: Did he ever hit you?_

_Alex: Oh yah _

_Alex: But there was no rhyme or reason_

_Alex: I could sleep til noon one day and hed ignore me_

_Alex: Id get up for school 5 mins late and get slapped_

_Alex: Asking to stay home sick was terrifying_

_Michael: Fuck I want you out of there._

_Michael: Like yesterday._

_Alex: Good news is hes gone for the day_

_Alex: And my phone was on my pillow so I woke up as soon as you texted_

_Alex: So you didnt have to worry too long_

_Michael: I was still worried._

_Alex: I’m okay sweetheart _

_Alex: Hell be home tonight for dinner then I wont see him again probably_

_Alex: Maybe on the night of the 26th but idk_

_Alex: Duty is more important than terrorizing us_

_Michael: Was he always an abusive dick or did he just become one in the military?_

_Alex: My grandfather was also an abusive dick_

_Alex: He was AF and so were his brothers_

_Alex: I got some pretty severe punishments from my grandfather_

_Alex: I was scared of him_

_Michael: I’m sorry baby. Your family makes me actually glad I don’t have one._

_Alex: Not true I’m your family now_

_Alex: I love you and I’m not letting you go ever_

_Michael: I love you too baby. I’m not letting you go. Ever._

Alex looked up at a knock on his door. “Yah?”

“I’m going to make coffee if you want some. It’s the only food I know how to make.”

Alex laughed. “Okay.”

_Alex: Flints up _

_Alex: Im going to go for a run then we have shopping to do_

_Alex: Will you be okay without me for a little while?_

Alex watched the dots move for a minute.

_Michael: I’m trying to be okay without you._

_Michael: As long as you’re not around your dad I’ll be okay._

_Michael: I just miss you like crazy._

_Alex: I miss you too_

_Alex: Like so much_

_Alex: I love you I love you I love you_

_Alex: ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤_

_Michael: I love you too baby so much I can’t stand it. ❤_

_Alex: Ill text you when I get back from my run_

He opened the weather app on his phone to check the temperature.

_Alex: Its 41 so ill be fine_

_ Michael: I’ll think of you running while I’m under all of our blankets with a book._

_ Alex: Haha _

_ Alex: brb_

After a quick trip to the bathroom and a change of clothes, Alex went out into the living room to find Flint flipping channels with a cup of coffee. “I’m going for a run, do you want me to make you something for breakfast when I get back?”

His brother laughed. “No, we got cereal, I’ll live.” 

“Ok. Be back in like 30 minutes? I don’t know how long it takes me to run three miles now.” He laughed when Flint saluted and headed out the door.

He started out with stretches; he’d just woken up and nothing was warm yet. It was a beautiful, sunny morning, cold and quiet. Alex checked the time when he put in his earbuds and started his running playlist, it was 9:55. _Let’s see how long it takes me to run three miles._ He had a set three-mile circuit he could do without any problems with traffic or excessive pedestrians.

It was glorious. 

Alex trotted back onto the porch, breathing hard, and pulled out his phone to check the time. 10:18. _So it takes me 23 minutes to run three miles, I’m doing way better than I thought._ He texted Michael.

_Alex: Victory text I ran 3 miles in 23 minutes_

_ Alex: That’s 7.6 minutes per mile_

_ Alex: Thats almost as good as I was before my ribs_

_ Michael: Whoa that’s insane. I was completely happy last year with my 10 minute mile._

_ Alex: 10 is rly good for someone who hates running lol_

_ Alex: But I love running_

_ Alex: I have the endorphins_

_ Alex: I’m freezing_

_ Alex: Shower nirvana time_

_ Michael: *eye roll emoji*_

_ Alex: 😂_

He let himself back into the house and saw that Flint had slumped over onto the arm of the couch. “Are you still awake?” he laughed.

“Sure, yah, I’m awake.” Flint forced himself to sit up. “You’ve been gone like five minutes.”

Alex laughed. “Um, no, my run took 23 minutes, I timed myself.”

“That’s a really good time for three miles, especially if you were out of action for a while. That also means I lost time while you were gone. Was I abducted by aliens?”

Alex forced himself to laugh. “Yah, no. I’m going to take a shower.” _Alien abductions will never be funny for me again._

After hot-shower-nirvana and clean clothes, Alex went after coffee and one of the bananas he’d gotten the day before. Flint had slumped over again, drawing a laugh from Alex. “Dude, forget aliens, you need to worry about zombies.”

Flint laughed. “My internal clock has no fucking clue where I am.” He drained the rest of his coffee. “I woke up when dad left, at first I thought I’d overslept and jumped out of bed then realized I’m 29 and I can sleep past 7am on my leave if I want.”

Alex felt better knowing Flint had been just as freaked out as he was. “I woke up too.”

“I guess I could put clothes on and we could go,” Flint suggested.

“Take your time, I’m going to enjoy this free coffee.” He had a hilarious thought and burst out laughing, almost choking on his coffee.

“What?”

“I had the perfectly innocent thought that I’d take a picture of myself eating a banana for Michael since I eat a banana for breakfast pretty much every day, but then realized there would be no way for me to take an innocent picture of myself eating a fucking banana.”

Flint laughed. “Yah, no, no way. Don’t ask me to take it, that’s too weird.”

“No, oh my god,” Alex laughed. “No, Flint, I won’t ask you to take a picture of me with suggestive fruit for my boyfriend.”

He mimed wiping sweat from his brow. “Thank God. Okay, let me get dressed.”

Alex had the novel experience of enjoying spending time with his oldest brother. They went to a bunch of different stores looking for gifts, and he helped Flint pick out some really pretty earrings and a matching chain and pendant for Brianna. He suggested Flint get a Navajo rug for the place they were getting in Colorado Springs, and they picked a nice wool hanging for Flint’s future wall. Alex didn’t find anything that really made him think of Michael while they were shopping, even when they stopped into the more kitschy, alien-themed gift shops. At the New Age store that Maria liked, Alex got himself a bracelet that had semi precious stone beads in chakra order, which was not-so-coincidentally a rainbow. He’d never worn anything remotely gay-pride related before, and it felt good. He convinced Flint to buy Brianna a crystal necklace, but it didn’t really take much convincing. 

They hit the Crashdown for lunch again, and this time Alex got to see Rosa. She despised Flint too, and wasn’t nearly as nice to him as Liz had been, but Flint was still nice to her. He acknowledged to Alex that he’d always been a dick to Rosa because she had so much attitude and it had bothered him for a girl to stand up to him. “Bri has really helped me get over my issues with women,” he explained. “I didn’t even realize I had issues, but clearly I did.”

They got groceries and were back at the house by around 4:00. Alex estimated the roast needed about two and half hours to cook, and if Jesse was going to be home around 7:00, he’d put it in at 4:45 so it had time to rest before he cut it. He was skillet frying potatoes with peppers and onions, too, and they’d gotten a fresh apple pie and vanilla ice cream. Alex tried recruiting Flint to cut up vegetables but he was a lost cause and he kicked him out of the kitchen.

Alex called Michael after the veggies were prepped and the roast was seasoned and in the oven. He was anxious to hear how Michael was doing by himself, since his trip to Roswell had turned out to be far less shitty than he’d expected.

The phone rang three times before Michael answered, “Alex? Is everything okay?”

He laughed softly and stretched out on his bed. “Everything’s fine, I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh good.” Michael paused for a minute. “I might be a little anxious about you being in Roswell.”

“I think so,” Alex answered gently. “It’s okay. I understand. Right now I’m totally fine. I have dinner under control, Flint is watching TV, and Dad is at work. I’m perfectly safe right now.”

“I don’t suppose your dad would ever come home early.”

“Not without a really good reason, and Flint and I visiting is _not_ a really good reason.”

“What _is_ a really good reason?”

“In 10th grade I went to school sick and got sent to the office when I almost passed out during PE. My temperature was almost 103, which is super high, and Dad had to come get me. The nurse had put ice packs on me to try to bring it down and Dad had to take me directly to the doctor.”

“Holy shit, Alex. Yah, that’s a definite reason to pick up your kid.”

“Just so you know,” Alex began, “Our kids will never end up at school with a fever of 103 because they’re too scared of me to ask to stay home.”

“Oh fuck no,” Michael agreed vehemently. “Hell, we’ll be paying enough attention to them to make sure they don’t get that sick in the first place.”

“Exactly. I don’t care what my job is, if our kids need me, I’m going to take off work.”

“Me too, fuck, even most of my foster parents would keep their kids home if they were _that_ sick.”

“It happened more than once, but my fever was only that high the one time. I think in 7th grade I got a concussion and Dad made me stay at school in the nurse’s office for like three hours before it was convenient for him to come and get me. The principal told him the next time she’d call an ambulance and stick him with the bill if he didn’t come to take care of a severe head injury in a timely manner.”

“I want to be impressed with the principal but I have a feeling you got punished for it.”

“Not directly, he was pretty careful with me once he realized from the size of the goose egg on my head that I wasn’t faking. He hadn’t really started hating me yet. He’s said he knew I was gay from the time I was little, but _I_ hadn’t really realized at that point and hadn’t done anything to provoke his disgust yet.” 

“How the fuck did you ‘provoke his disgust?’”

“I have no fucking idea. We all knew how homophobic he was, so when I started to question my sexuality I knew that no matter what I decided I had to hide it from him. It didn’t matter, something changed and the pain escalated. I tried to confide in my best friend since his mom and dad were both sheriffs, but instead he turned on me because he didn’t want anyone to think he was gay, too.”

“Did they know about the abuse?”

“No. I mean, there was no way to hide the fact that Dad was heavy-handed with punishments. When Kyle friend-dumped me, Dad pulled away from Jim, too, and the little bit of protection I had by being friends with the sheriff’s son disappeared.”

“Baby.”

“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay, but I’m reasonably okay. I have you, you make everything better.”

“That’s my line.”

“And I shamelessly stole it because it’s true.”

“I can’t even say we’re gross right now because I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too. Are you really lonely? I feel bad for leaving you alone.”

“I’ve always been kind of a loner, but I do feel lonely being in this big building with like three other people. And I’m really used to having you with me all the time and it’s weird.”

“I so didn’t want to leave you, sweetheart.”

“I know, baby, you had a good reason to go. I’m not mad or upset, just bummed.”

Alex thought about it for a minute. “If we had an apartment, so you weren’t just in the dorms alone, and I was somewhere other than here, would it be better?”

Michael was quiet for a minute. “Yah, yah it would. An apartment is more like a house or a home. I could cook easily and watch TV and I’d probably see neighbors if I went outside.” He was quiet again. “If you were anywhere but with your dad, I’d worry less.”

“I’d be less worried about leaving you alone if we had an apartment. And hopefully I won’t have to spend more time with my dad.”

“I hope so.”

“If you come to Roswell with me sometime, we can stay with Maria,” Alex suggested. “There’s stuff here I really want to show you, like the crash site and the pygmy goats, but you also really need to eat at the Crashdown, and meet Liz and Rosa, and we could go hiking and I can show you the old turquoise mines.”

“Old turquoise mines?”

“Yah, there are a lot of condemned mines in the hills around Roswell. The tunnels aren’t safe for the most part, but there are some with big front cave/room places. I think everyone has gotten drunk in the turquoise mines at least once. Rosa has a whole little hidden room in one she found.”

“So there are just caves all over the place?”

“The hills are full of caves.”

“Big enough for three pods do you think?”

“Oh, yah, definitely. Probably one of the hidden or boarded up cave systems where no one would look. But we can explore.”

“What if they’re still in Roswell?”

Alex knew Michael was talking about the other kids. “Do you want me to bring my yearbook back with me? We can look at the pictures and see if any of the seniors stand out to you.”

“That...would be cool, yah, good idea. Thanks, baby.”

“Sure, no problem at all.”

“I feel like every time I don’t know what to say next I just blurt out ‘I love you.’”

Alex cracked up. “Yah, I keep wanting to fill the silence that way too. I do love you. And I don’t want you to stop saying it.”

“I love you too, but more than just a pause-filler statement,” Michael laughed.

“I know, sweetheart. I know they’re not empty words.” Alex waited a moment. “I shopped all over today and still didn’t find anything for you.”

“I _might_ have found you a Christmas present. And it _might_ be something you’ll really like. And it _might_ have required a special trip somewhere.”

“Where did you go?” Alex asked, excited. “Did you go today?”

“I’m not telling, and yes, today.”

“The anticipation is going to kill me. Will you give me a hint?”

“No, I will not give you a hint.”

“Not even a little hint?”

“Not even a microscopic hint.”

“Damn it.” He grinned when Michael laughed. “Now I’m under more pressure.”

“You’re really not, Alex, like I said, anything from you will be perfect.”

“I’m going to have to resort to asking Maria and Liz for help tomorrow. Come on, give me, like, three ideas of things you’d like for Christmas.”

“I can’t think of anything that’s not either really practical or really expensive.”

“What’s something practical you want?”

“New socks and underwear.”

Alex laughed. “No, I’m not getting you socks and underwear for Christmas.”

“See? I knew you wouldn’t like that idea.”

“What are some expensive things you’d want? I can’t promise anything, but I still want to know.”

“Don’t you dare spend the money in our savings account on presents for me.”

“Oh, no, sweetheart, I wouldn’t,” Alex promised. “That’s apartment money. I love you and want you to have a special Christmas, but I’d rather we have a place to live.”

“Okay, okay, I figured you wouldn’t do that. I was just thinking, while I’ve been practicing _Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring_ how much I’d like a guitar.”

“If I could get you a guitar, I so would, Michael.” 

“I know, baby.”

“I know you liked my shoes and said they’re too expensive, but I can get them. I just wanted to surprise you.”

“Those shoes are $60, don’t spend that much on me.” 

“That’s not a huge amount of money.”

“No, but it’s more than I want you to spend on me. And don’t ask how much I spent on you.”

“Uh huh.” _I really don’t want to buy him fucking shoes for Christmas. _

“I will just assure you that I did not spend $60.”

“Okay, that’s good enough. I don’t really want to know how much you spent. It’s the emotional value that matters, not the monetary value.”

“You’re the sweetest thing, Alex Manes. How did you turn out this way?”

“No idea.” There was a pause, not awkward, just quiet. “Hey, play the song for me.”

“Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring?”

“Yah, I want to hear you play it. Put your phone on speaker and play it for me.” 

“Okay, hang on.”

Alex listened to Michael moving around on the bed, and then him unzipping the gig bag. He could picture Michael sitting up against all of the pillows with the fuzzy black blanket. He heard a noise he recognized. “Are you wearing my black track pants?”

“No, absolutely not, I would not steal a pair of your pants, I never do things like that.”

“Uh huh.”

“Okay, here goes.” And he launched into the song.

Alex held his breath while Michael played. He’d been right, Michael played the beautiful piece like the instrument was part of him, and it was breathtaking. He wished he could actually see Michael playing, with his hair falling in his eyes and his fingers moving over the strings. It wasn’t a perfect playthrough, he was still learning it, but it was so fantastic that it brought tears to Alex’s eyes and he clapped when Michael finished. “That was beautiful, sweetheart. Just beautiful.”

“I learned a bunch of Christmas songs to play if people want to sing, but I haven’t gotten this one down yet, still working on it.”

“You’re almost there, it was great. Like, really great. Jaime’s family will be super impressed.”

“I hope so. I’m kinda looking forward to working on his uncle’s car, I miss getting my hands dirty.” 

“You’re so manly,” Alex teased. “It’s hot.”

Michael laughed. “Okay, glad my skills are arousing.”

“Totally.” Alex looked at the time. “I should probably get off the phone and check on the roast and start the potatoes.”

“Okay, baby. Can we Skype later?”

“Of course, sweetheart. I love you.”

“Love you too, talk to you later.”

Just like before, hanging up the phone was almost painful. _God I miss Michael._

Alex pulled the roast out just as Jesse was walking in the door, and he let it rest while he finished the potatoes. He’d made both of these things before, he’d learned how to make them from Mimi. The roast was more like a steak that you sliced, not a pot roast, and the potatoes were crispy and spicy. 

His dad was reluctantly impressed. Flint thought it was the best thing ever. Alex was glad there would be leftovers from the last two days so he didn’t have to cook tomorrow.

Things were just as tense in the living room after dinner as they had been the previous night. Jesse had the TV on some WWII movie that Alex was pretty sure he’d seen a couple times before. Flint was sort of watching it while he texted. Alex was ignoring it entirely to text with Liz and Maria.

_Alex: My roast and potatoes came out fantastic_

_Alex: Dad even said it was good_

_Alex: I thought Flint was gonna die_

_Liz: That’s awesome_

_Liz: What do you want to do tomorrow?_

_Maria: Is Flint hanging out with Eddie?_

“Hey Flint, what are you up to tomorrow?”

“The high school crew is meeting up at Eddie’s house in the afternoon for football and junk food. I’ll be home in the evening, though, his wife’s family is having their dinner tomorrow night.”

“Cool, I’m making plans with Liz and Maria.”

_Alex: Flints going to Eddie’s in the afternoon but coming home early_

_Alex: So we could do stuff in the afternoon_

_Alex: Maybe you can help me find something for Michael_

_Liz: You STILL don’t have a present for him?_

_Maria: You’re a bad boyfriend._

_Alex: He asked for socks_

_Alex: I cant give him socks_

_Alex: I want it to be a surprise_

_Liz: But does he have alien socks?_

_Alex: Yes actually_

_Alex: We both had on alien socks the day we met_

_Liz: Omg that’s fate right there 😮_

_Alex: Totally_

_Maria: Soulmates...based on sock choices._

_Liz: Wanna plan to meet around 1pm?_

“How does 1:00ish sound for heading out?”

“That’s perfect, am I dropping you off somewhere?”

“Probably Maria’s house.”

Alex glanced at his father and saw that his mouth was pinched again. He usually didn’t show a hint of emotion until he was attacking. _He’s really pissed that Flint and I are getting along. _ He glanced at his brother and saw he realized the same thing. “Do you want me to make sure there’s chilli left for you tomorrow night, Dad?”

Jesse just gave a dismissive snort. Alex struggled not to sigh and roll his eyes. He didn’t want to get hit.

10:00 finally came and he and Flint looked at each other and breathed a sigh of relief as Jesse strode down the hall. “Are you going for a run in the morning?”

Alex nodded. “Yah definitely. I didn’t bring a lot of clothes so I was going to wash everything tomorrow, do you want me to throw your stuff in too?”

“You’re really an overachiever on being nice, Alex. But yes.”

“I like being nice,” Alex laughed, defending himself. He stood up and stretched. “I’m going to go Skype with Michael.”

“Go talk to your boyfriend.” 

He texted Michael to get out his computer as he was walking down the hall, and when he signed into Skype he was just so fucking happy to see Michael’s sweet face. “Hi sweetheart.”

“Hey baby. I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too. But it has to be worse for you since you don’t really have anything to do.”

Michael groaned. “Yah, I’m just alone with my thoughts way too much. I’ve been blasting music to try to chase away the quiet but it’s only helping so much. Less than six months of you and I can’t stand being alone anymore.”

“I want to say I’ll never leave you again, but I’m sure I’ll have to go places without you, and it’s probably not healthy for us to always be glued to each other.”

“You’re probably right,” Michael answered with a sigh. “Didn’t you say your brother’s going to propose to his girlfriend? You’ll probably have to go to the wedding.”

“Yah, definitely. Chris and Evan will probably get married too, and we’ll probably have to travel without each other for jobs.”

“I think it will be better once we have an apartment, and if it’s not the week of Christmas.”

Alex nodded. “Yah, and being alone in the empty dorm has to be creepy and lonely.”

“It really is.” Michael shook his head. “But I got out today to go buy you a present. I even remembered that I should wrap it.”

“Oh wow, good job!” Alex laughed. “I still don’t know what to get you. I can think of lots of things you might _need,_ but you’re just not materialistic enough for me to easily think of something you might just _want.”_

“I had no idea I was so hard to shop for,” Michael laughed. “Even if you do just get me something I need, I’ll be happy with it because I need it.”

“I know, I just want to really wow you with my present. It has to be better than any of the presents you got from your exes.” 

Micheal laughed again. “That won’t be hard, the only one who ever gave me one was Ryan, and it had to be really neutral so my foster parents wouldn’t know he was my boyfriend. It was a hardcover journal with a metallic gold M on it.”

“That’s a really sweet gift, actually. Do you still have it?”

“Yah, I managed to keep it hidden. It’s in the glove compartment of my truck.”

“Can I see it?”

“Sure. I glued a couple pictures onto the pages so no one would find photo evidence of us dating.”

“Now I really want to see it.” Alex grinned. “I want to see sophomore Michael.”

“He was short.”

Alex laughed. “So was sophomore Alex. And it’s not like either of us are really tall now.”

Michael shook his head. “Nope, 5’10 is about as average as it gets.”

“It means skinny jeans fit really well,” Alex joked. 

“Still not wearing them.”

“You’d look so weird in skinny jeans. Keep wearing your jeans, I like you looking like you.”

“I can’t picture you in baggy jeans.”

“I had them before I discovered pop punk.”

“How do you even get skinny jeans on?”

Alex laughed. “They’re stretchy.”

“Jeans can be stretchy?”

“Yes, it’s a miracle of modern science,” Alex laughed. “Stretch denim is why skinny jeans are a thing.”

“Huh. Very interesting. I had no idea. You teach me so many things, baby.”

“You’ve taught me a wealth of new things.”

“Keep that tone out of your voice, Alex Manes, you’re under your father’s roof.”

“I’m trying.” He made a face. “I miss you, and I miss just being able to be myself without policing my thoughts and actions.”

“Yah, I’ve gotten pretty used to being myself and it would be hard to go back into a restrictive family environment.” Michael sighed. “It’s only for a couple more days.”

“I won’t even see Dad tomorrow, he’ll leave for work before I get up and isn’t getting off duty until midnight.” 

“That’s good. I’m still going to worry.”

“I know. I’m still going to be scared, too. But we’ll both be okay.”

Michael nodded. “We will. I can’t wait to see you again, though, baby. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, so fucking much Michael.”

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Hanging out with Liz and Maria in the afternoon, then with Flint in the evening.”

“I need to meet Liz.”

“You do, we should come home over spring break and stay with Maria. If Liz has the same week off, anyway.”

“That would be cool.”

“Maria’s bathtub is big enough we could share it.”

Michael’s smile was soft. “I’d love that, baby.”

“Me too.” Alex just smiled at him for a minute. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Michael kissed his fingers and pressed them against the webcam.

Alex copied him. “Maria would be roasting us so hard right now.”

“I don’t even care.”

“Me either.” Alex sighed. “I should go to bed.”

“Yah, don’t let your dad catch you with me.”

“I’ll text you in the morning, okay? I miss you so much, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Michael laughed softly. “I love you too. Sleep well, baby.”

“You too.”

Alex tried not to miss Michael too much and tried not to be too scared of his dad.

He put the dresser in front of the door again, just in case.

***

“Okay, Alex, you have _got_ to do something with this hair.”

He laughed and pushed Liz’s hand away when she ruffled it. “I just want to see what it looks like long.”

“How long?”

“Chin length maybe? I was thinking I might get a hair dryer so that it’s not quite so flat if I’m not going to put gel in it.”

“That’s a good idea,” Maria agreed. “Let’s fix it now, get your hair wet and I’ll blow it dry with a texturizer and a brush.”

“Seriously?”

“Why not? What else do we have to do? We’re on vacation and it’s Christmas Eve.”

Alex shrugged. “You have good points there, I’ll go stick my head under the shower.”

Maria chose her tools with care. “I think a light texturizing cream. Do you want it to curl under a little at the ends or just hang straight?”

“It would be novel to do something straight.” Alex grinned when Liz and Maria laughed. “So yes, just straight.” He thought the blow dryer would be relaxing but the hair brush perpetually tugged on his scalp. When she was done, though, he had to admit it looked fantastic. “Whoa, I didn’t know my hair could look like this, it’s so cool.”

“You look at least 60% cooler than you actually are,” Maria agreed.

“Gee thanks.” He rolled his eyes when Liz laughed. “Here, take my picture so I can send it to Michael.” He pulled his phone out and unlocked it. 

Maria framed the shot and snapped several pictures. “These are guaranteed to make Guerin swoon.”

“Oh excellent.” Alex looked over the photos. “I look like a model.”

“Except that you don’t have on any make up. Did you decide to skip it this week because of your dad?”

He nodded. “Yah, 100%. I’m not interested in rebelling this week, just surviving.”

Liz frowned. “Still, you should get to be yourself.”

“I’m myself the entire time I’m in Albuquerque, I can tone it down for a few days to keep from getting smacked.”

“Do you really think he’d try to hit you?” Liz asked. “You’re an adult and on your own.”

“I don’t know. I honestly think he’d beat the shit out of me for embarrassing him by being so blatantly out with those Facebook pics if he could get me alone. Once I told Flint about the broken ribs he said he’d make sure he stuck with me if Dad was home.”

“Alex...broken ribs?”

He looked at Liz. “Oh, I thought I told you. Right before I left for school, he attacked me with a baseball bat and hit me hard enough to break my ribs.”

“What the fuck, Alex!” Liz was enraged. “Why didn’t you tell someone?!” 

“For the same reason I’ve never told anyone, because even if someone believed that an Air Force officer was beating his kids, the trouble it would make for him in the Air Force would be so bad that the retribution would be unbearable. What would they have done, put me in foster care? With another family in Roswell who might _also_ hit me for being gay? Ship me to Santa Fe or Albuquerque so I don’t have any emotional support from friends anymore?” He shook his head. “Until the drive down here with Flint, I didn’t think any of my brothers would back me up on the stories of abuse, either. But Flint’s talked to his girlfriend about it, and he’s getting therapy, and Chris even said that he doesn’t hate me for being gay.” He took a deep breath in, then out. “When he hit me with the bat, I was already 18 so none of the laws that protect minors applied to me. I didn’t have anywhere to go if I still wanted him to drive me and all my stuff to Albuquerque. Making trouble for him would have been even worse for me than it already was. I just stuck it out until move in day, and never planned to come back.”

Liz got up from the bed to cross the room and put her arms around his shoulders. “I’m so sorry, Alex.”

He squeezed her. “It’s okay. Not like, actually okay, but I’m dealing. I think I’m probably going to get therapy too.”

She nodded. “That’s probably a good idea.”

“This conversation is _really_ heavy for Christmas Eve,” Maria complained dramatically, pulling laughter out of both of them. “I demand that we make hot chocolate and watch Christmas movies.”

They piled onto the couch with Mexican hot chocolate and a bowl of mixed Ghirardelli chocolate squares and put on _Love Actually._ It was Alex’s favorite because it was so romantic. He figured _Die Hard_ was Michael’s favorite Christmas movie if he had one. When the credits were rolling, he remembered he was going to send Michael the pics of his hair.

_Alex: Hey sweetheart_

_Alex: Maria fixed my hair_

_Alex: It looks amazeballs_

He waited while the picture sent and for Michael to reply.

_Michael: Whoa it looks gorgeous baby!_

_Michael: What did she do to it?_

_Alex: A texturizer cream and blow dryer_

_Alex: I think I’m going to get both so my hair can look like this_

_Alex: If Im not going to cut it short again rn_

_Michael: Yah it looks great. Is it stiff or sticky though?_

Alex fluffed his hair. 

_Alex: Not as soft as normal_

_Alex: But not sticky or crunchy_

_Michael: Maria’s work on your hair is much more appealing than what she did to mine._

_Alex: HAHAHAHAHA_

_Alex: Omg ken doll hair_

_Alex: Never let her do that it again_

_Alex: It was just wrong_

_Michael: It was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen._

_Alex: Yours looks pretty nice since your trim_

_Alex: But its always so pretty_

_Alex: I love your hair_

_Michael: It’s pretty wild right now. I went for a walk and just took my hat off._

_Alex: Yah not your most attractive hair look_

_Michael: Hat hair is never sexy._

“Are you talking to Michael?” 

Alex laughed at Liz’s sing-song voice. “Yes, I’m talking to Michael. Here, let’s take a selfie, I’ll send it to him.”

Liz leaned into him and he snapped the picture. “You’re so photogenic, it’s not fair.”

“It's a total coincidence, I didn’t do anything on purpose to be photogenic,” Alex laughed. “You look adorable.” He showed her the picture. “See?”

“Okay, fine, send the picture.” 

_Alex: Liz is worried shes not cute enough in this pic_

_Michael: She’s wrong. She’s totally cute._

“See? Michael says you’re cute in the pic. And he’s actually attracted to girls.”

“Where’s Maria? We should take a picture together.”

When Maria came back to the couch with more snacks Alex and Liz pulled her in to pose with them. “That’s a really good selfie,” Alex announced. “We look like an add for some teen product.”

Liz and Maria both laughed. “Probably something either beauty related or sex related,” Maria suggested.

“We would make a very attractive threesome,” Alex agreed. “Too bad none of us are remotely interested in having sex with each other.”

“Maybe it’s for that HPV vaccine?” Liz laughed. “The student health center offers it.”

“I already got it before school started,” Maria said. She looked at Alex. “Are you and Guerin being safe?”

Alex nodded. “He’s clean, and we all know I am.” He raised an eyebrow at Maria. “I had to bully you into putting condoms in your purse, so don’t talk to me about being safe.”

“Maria!” Liz slapped her arm. “What were you thinking?!”

“Alex is misrepresenting the facts!” She defended, laughing. “I’ve been 100% safe the entire time we’ve been at school. He just shocked me when he told me to put condoms in my purse for the Halloween party.”

“And you, Ms. Ortecho?”

“I haven’t been with anyone, honestly. PE guy didn’t get that far and I’ve been too busy to really pursue anyone else.” She shrugged. “School is more important.”

Alex nodded. “Definitely. But you can date _and_ do school, don’t just live with being lonely until you’re done with the million advanced degrees you want.”

“Is it that you’re not really over Max?” Maria asked gently. “I know you were really starting to feel something for him before you left.”

Liz sighed and looked at the ceiling. “A little bit. But I know that it’s not going to work out, so I have to let it go.”

“It’s not going to work out _right now,”_ Maria corrected. “You’re only 18, you’ve got a long life ahead of you. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen.”

“That means coming back to Roswell, though,” Liz argued. “There’s no way I can do the kind of research I want to do if I live in Roswell. And I can’t see Max ever leaving.”

“But his soul came from the cosmos to join yours!” Alex argued. “Don’t, like, never date just in case, but don’t give up on it happening someday, either.”

“I can’t tell you how glad I am that no one came from the cosmos for me,” Maria commented dryly. “I like the idea that the universe won’t be mad when I dump some asshole for being annoying.”

“You need to try dating someone you actually like, not just someone who’s hot and likes _you,”_ Alex argued. “You’ve never been, like, intellectually interested in any of the guys you’ve wanted to date, or have actually dated. You’re popular with people everywhere you go, but only Liz, Rosa, and I even really _know_ you. Zoey and Michael are, like, at the edge of how close you let anyone get to you. There’s so much more to you than you ever let people see.”

Maria just stared at him for a minute. “Why did I give you stones for intuition and psychic abilities again?”

He shook his head, smiling. “No, it’s not psychic intuition, it’s just observation. I’ve known you since first grade, I’ve watched you build walls to protect yourself. You’re going to have to pull them down if you want to have a real relationship.”

“Okay, this is an _awfully_ heavy conversation for Christmas Eve,” Liz interrupted, making Alex and Maria laugh at how she’d copied Maria’s earlier interruption. “What time is Flint coming to get you Alex?”

Looking at his phone, Alex sighed. “Probably in around an hour. Let me text him to be sure.”

_Alex: Hey what time are you leaving eddies_

_Alex: Just planning_

_Flint: Around 6. It’s a blessing in disguise. No one can pressure me into going to mass._

_Alex: Lol yah_

_Alex: Michaels going to mass w his friend jaime_

_Alex: Hes never gone before_

_Flint: It was cool when I was a kid and staying out late was exciting._

_Alex: It seemed more important when I believed in god_

_Flint: That too._

_Alex: Text me when you get here_

_Flint: 👍 _

“Flint’s leaving Eddie’s around 6:00.”

“Got it.” Liz grabbed her phone. “I should probably go home too, Papi probably needs help with getting dinner ready for tomorrow. He was going to close early tonight but I don’t know if he actually_ did.”_

“Do you need a ride? Flint probably wouldn’t care. He’s been so...decent.”

Liz and Maria both laughed. “No, I have a car, remember?”

“Oh yah, I forget these things not having one of my own and all.”

“Wouldn’t it be nice to have a car?” Maria mused. “Go anywhere at any time?”

“Michael is pretty much always going where I’m going so I don’t miss having a car too much. It would be nice to just be able to run an errand while he’s in class, though, instead of coordinating our outings.”

“Zoey and I are thinking about living together off campus next year, and her parents said if she keeps straight A’s they’ll get her a car, so that’s another ride option.”

“Just the two of you?”

Maria shook her head. “No, there are a bunch of girls from performing arts that are thinking about getting a house.” 

“Party house, got it.” 

“Of course.” 

They watched YouTube videos for a while and Alex told Liz more about Michael. He and Maria talked about Mimi’s mystical words about their relationship and their nebulous plans for fostering kids when they were older. Liz talked about her classes, and how she’d have to ask the dean to take more than 18 units next year if she wanted to get done in a reasonable amount of time. Maria told Liz all the gory details of the freshman dance program scandal and how much it had changed the entire department dynamic. When Flint arrived, Alex hugged them both goodbye and headed to the car. It was _freezing_ and he was glad he had his coat and scarf.

“Santa is going to freeze his ass off,” Alex proclaimed as he got in the car. “It’s fucking cold.”

“I’m going to fucking die,” Flint agreed. “I’ve been in Iraq for too long, this is way too cold.”

“Dude, you’re moving to Colorado, there’s going to be actual snow there.”

“I keep hoping I’ll get used to the cold again but it’s just not happening fast enough.”

They made roast beef sandwiches and ate them with leftover potatoes for dinner before settling in to watch mindless TV. Alex was actually glad their dad wasn’t home; Christmas hadn’t been fun with him for a long time. Around age 10 the presents had stopped completely and by 12 any hint of festive good cheer was a distant memory. Alex had made or bought his father a gift every year anyway. He wondered if he’d even kept any of them.

“Hey, I have a present for you.”

Alex looked up at Flint. “But I didn’t get you anything.”

“It’s okay, there’s something you can give me that won’t cost you anything, monetarily or emotionally. Hang on.”

He waited in mystified anticipation while Flint went down the hall. Alex hadn’t even thought about getting Flint a gift - he’d been operating under the assumption that his brother was a total asshole who’d never sent him a Christmas card. When Flint returned with his guitar he had to protest.

“No, Flint, no, you can’t give me your guitar.”

“Yes I can,” he argued. “I haven’t touched it in over ten years, it’s just been in my room here gathering dust since before I even left for BMT. Mom would want someone to have it who would actually play it.” He thrust the instrument at Alex. “I picked up some new strings while we were at the music store yesterday, we can restring it tonight.”

Alex gingerly took the guitar. The gig bag _was_ dusty, even having been in the closet, and he brushed it off with his hand. This one has their mother’s name embroidered on it. “Mindy Begay,” Alex said very softly. “I haven’t said her name in years.” 

“Me either, it’s easier to just not think about her. About what happened.”

Alex didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to, they both knew.

“Anyway, I want you to have it. Mom would want you to have it.”

“Thank you,” Alex answered softly. “What can I get you?”

“It’s easy,” Flint explained. “After you graduate, after you’ve got some distance from your high school friends, just, leave. Get the fuck out of Roswell. Never come back. Pretend Dad doesn’t even exist.”

Alex nodded slowly. “Yah, I was thinking that I didn’t really ever want to come back. I used to hope that Dad would come around and we could have some kind of relationship, but I don’t even want that anymore. I just want to move on.”

“Good. That’s what I want. Write him out of your life. I know I’ll have to invite him to my wedding, and at least make a token attempt at introducing my kids to him, but he’s never going to be alone with them. Ever. Just, get away from him.”

“Even if I get married, it’s not like he’d come. And I’d never want my kids anywhere near him.”

“I don’t either, but family is a big deal in the military, and since we’re all in the Air Force, we have to fake it.” Flint gave him a skeptical look. “You’re thinking about kids?”

“Yah,” Alex laughed. “Michael wants to be a foster parent.”

“Do you think it will last? You’re only 18. He’s your first boyfriend.”

He nodded. “I think so. We’re both committed to it working long term. We love each other, and have since the minute we met.” He couldn’t help but smile. “We’re each other’s best friends. I think we should probably get counseling, though, so we can keep things healthy. We both have so many issues.”

Flint nodded in understanding. “It’s standard to offer counseling for soldiers returning from combat, and I didn’t really give a fuck about it when I came home from my first tour, but it kinda snuck up on me what a relief it would be to just spew out all the bullshit in my life. I hated how vulnerable it made me feel though. When I came home a couple months ago for my temp assignment until Colorado Springs, I started seeing a therapist again for combat and to make sure I don’t fuck things up with Bri. She’s seeing someone too.”

“That’s really good.”

“Hey, let me see a picture of this guy.”

“Really?” Alex was delighted. “Here, let me get my phone.” He set the guitar aside momentarily. “Here’s a picture of us,” he offered, showing Flint his lock screen before entering his password. He looked through his pictures. “Here’s one of just him.” He held out the phone to his brother.

“Wow, his hair is _really_ curly.”

Alex laughed. “It’s curly, but it’s so soft. This was right after he got it cut and the stylist put some product in it.” He thumbed through his pictures again. “Oh, here’s our sushi date for Thanksgiving.”

“You had sushi for Thanksgiving?” Flint both looked and sounded horrified. “That’s so gross.”

“That’s what Maria said. We agreed that it was fucking amazing.” He flipped past the Halloween pictures. “Oh, here’s us when we went to a dance on campus.”

“He’s got sort of a cowboy vibe.”

Alex nodded. “He likes that look. It suits him.” He locked his phone. “Show me pics of Brianna.”

Flint grabbed his phone from the coffee table. “She’s my lock screen too.” 

“Chris was right, she is really hot.”

He laughed and pulled up his photo gallery. “I think so. Here she is in her dress uniform.”

“Uniforms do nothing for anyone. I wanna see her in normal clothes.”

“Fine,” Flint laughed. He looked through his pictures. “Here, this is us last week.”

Brianna did, indeed, have long blonde hair, sort of a tawny gold with sunny highlights. She was in skinny jeans and a fitted shirt in the picture, and Alex had to admit that she had a fantastic figure. “Damn, Flint, good job. She’s gorgeous.”

“And you haven’t even seen her in a bikini.”

Alex laughed. “I’m sure she looks super hot.”

Flint flipped through more pictures. “Here we are the time we got leave together and went to Japan. We could never have afforded it if we hadn’t been flying from base to base.”

“I’m mega jealous,” Alex complained. “I really want to go to Japan.”

“It was pretty amazing. Not my favorite cuisine, but other than that, really awesome. Bri loved all the raw stuff.” He pulled up another picture. “Here she is in a kimono.”

“What a beautiful picture.” Alex was definitely charmed by her infectious smile and sassy attitude. “I really want to meet her.”

“Come visit me this spring, for real. Michael too.”

Alex could hear a hint of nervousness in Flint’s voice, but was really touched that he’d included him. “Okay, sure. Maybe after we get out in May? Michael really wants to see the crash site and meet Liz and Rosa, so I thought we might come here and stay with Maria during spring break.”

“That’s a good plan, it will still be cold in Colorado in March.” Flint smiled. “Bri will like you. She appreciates rebellion.”

“I already like her in advance since she seems to have cured you of being a homophobic dickhead.”

“Hey,” Flint argued, laughing. “No, really, she has helped me get over myself in a big way.”

They spent the evening restringing the guitar and tuning it. Alex was so grateful that he had an app for that since he didn’t have his personal tuning device with him at the moment. Flint was impressed that Michael had perfect pitch, and told Alex he was so out of touch with playing music that he was sure he couldn’t read it anymore and could barely carry a tune when he listened to the radio. “You could learn again,” Alex assured him. “It’s in your long-term memory, you just have to retrieve it.”

When the guitar was in tune, Alex strummed it happily. The neck was wider than his, but still comfortable, since it had been comfortable for his mother’s smaller hands. This guitar was a beautiful sunburst, with contrasting blue and green abalone shell inlays. It had a different tone than his guitar, and he took a few minutes to appreciate it. It wasn’t long before Flint demanded he play something.

“Any particular requests?” Alex asked, laughing. “I warn you, if you couldn’t tell by Facebook pictures, I mostly know emo music.”

Flint laughed. “What about Christmas carols?”

“Oh, that’s appropriate.” Inspiration struck. He launched into _Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring._

The piece was meant to be played on this guitar. When he finished, Flint clapped.

“Holy shit, Alex, that was amazing. When did you learn to play that?”

“Last year, for the Christmas concert at school.” It was gratifying to have his brother’s appreciation. 

“I was never that good. Never. You’re a thousand times more talented than I ever was.”

Alex laughed. “I think I practiced more than you did. I didn’t play sports.”

“Still, I think you’re just truly musically talented. What else can you play?”

“Pretty much any Christmas song.” He considered the options for a moment. “The version of _Silent Night_ with the arpeggio descant is pretty.”

Flint gave him a look. “I have no idea what you just said.”

“Here, just listen.”

Alex played Christmas classics for a while before playing a couple Death Cab and Iron & Wine songs. He and Flint bonded over watching _Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer_ and _A Charlie Brown Christmas_ on TV. They both opted to go to bed well in advance of Jesse getting off duty. Alex wanted a chance to Skype with Michael, and Flint wanted to talk to Brianna, so they both headed to their rooms around 10:00.

Michael looked like a dream come true when he popped onto Alex’s screen. He was wearing the green cashmere sweater with a black shirt underneath it, and his hair looked beautiful. “Hi sweetheart. You look gorgeous in my sweater.” He loved seeing Michael in his clothes.

“Hi baby, I thought it would work for mass. I haven’t been in a church since I was a kid, but I seem to recall that there’s a dress code.”

Alex laughed softly. “Yah, usually. I doubt Jesus really cares, but Jaime’s mom probably does.”

“I hope she’s okay with black jeans, that’s the closest I can come to dress pants.”

“I’m sure they’re fine. I knew that green would be a good color on you.”

“Thank you baby. Looks like you’re wearing my Dr Pepper shirt.”

“Best sleepwear there is. Soft, comfy, and makes me think of you.”

“I might have worn your Nirvana shirt to bed last night.”

“Do you think we might be just a little too attached to each other?”

Michael laughed. “Nah.”

“Flint wanted to see pictures of you,” Alex told him. “He liked your hair. I think he’s probably too afraid of seeming gay to pass judgement on your attractiveness.”

“Of course,” Michael answered wryly. “Because acknowledging the objective aesthetic appearance of another dude obviously makes you gay.”

“He’s still unlearning his bad behavior, give it time. His girlfriend really is hot. And I’m so jealous, they went to _Japan.”_

“I never even wanted to go to Japan before I met you and I’m jealous,” Michael laughed. 

“We’d have so much fun in Japan,” Alex enthused. “There are so many cultural landmarks and pop culture attractions, and I think Tokyo Disneyland sounds like so much fun.”

“American Disneyland is closer and probably cheaper.” 

Alex made a dismissive noise. “This is my fantasy vacation, money means nothing.” He grinned when Michael kept laughing. “Flint is serious about us coming to visit, I told him it would probably have to be after school gets out.”

Michael was quiet for a second. “He actually invited me? Or did you ask him?”

“No, he actually invited you. He wants to meet you. I can tell he’s still kinda nervous about gay stuff, but he’s trying to be better. I want to meet Brianna, she’s managed to turn Flint into a human being.” He smiled. “He said she’ll like me, she appreciates rebelliousness.”

“You’ve raised rebellion to an art form. Just wear the wolf sweater.”

Alex laughed. “I love that sweater, thank you very much.”

“It’s very you. Goes well with the handcuff necklace.”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know if anyone at Roswell High noticed, but I’m sure people on campus have. It’s not a punk thing, it’s a bondage thing. I couldn’t think of anything more rebellious than wearing BDSM jewelry in high school.”

Michael gaped at him. “Really?”

“Really. I’m not, like, into bondage, not really, I just like the idea of weirding people out. I hope _someone_ realized at Roswell High and was disturbed.”

“‘Not really’? Please, do explain, Mr. Manes.”

“Um, not in my childhood bedroom with my big brother down the hall.”

Laughing, Michael shook his head. “You’re not off the hook, we’re having this conversation when you get home.”

“I will happily blush the color of a blooming rose to tell you all about it when I am _not_ in the bed I’ve slept in since I was five.”

Michael exploded with laughter at that. “Fine.”

Alex changed the subject. “Did you perfect _Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring_ for tomorrow?”

He nodded. “It’s good. Not perfect, I haven’t been playing it that long, but no actual mistakes when I play through it. With more time I could play with the tempo and dynamics.” 

“I’m sure you’ll knock people’s socks off.”

“It was more about learning it for you, baby.” Michael smiled softly. “I love you, and I wanted to play this piece you love so much on your guitar, especially since we’re not going to be together tomorrow.”

Tears filled Alex’s field of vision for a minute, and he suddenly knew exactly what he was giving Michael for Christmas.

“I love it, I love you so much,” Alex whispered. “You’ll have to play it for me when I get home.” _You can play it on my mother’s guitar after I give it to you because you’re the love of my life and she’d want you to have it._

“I will. Maybe not right when you get home, fuck, what time will you even get here?”

“You’re supposed to be at the airport two hours before your flight to get through TSA and stuff, so before 5:00.”

“You’re seriously leaving at 2:00 in the morning?”

Alex shrugged. “We’ll probably take naps in the afternoon or evening then head out. If Flint gets sleepy I can drive.”

“None of that makes me worried _at all.”_

“We’ll be okay. I’ll text you so you know I’m alive.”

“I’ll have to accept that.” Michael sighed. “I miss you so much, Alex, it’s almost stupid.”

“I miss you too. It’s not stupid. You missed Ryan, didn’t you?”

“Yah, yah I did.”

“It’s pretty normal to miss someone you love when you’re separated. And we’ve been joined at the hip since August, of course we miss each other. I miss you when you’re in lab in the afternoon and I’m in the room by myself.”

“Whatever, you always take a nap,” he teased. 

“Not always! Sometimes I do laundry and miss you.”

“At some point we’re bound to enjoy alone time.”

Alex nodded. “Yah, of course. We’re both going to have more alone time next semester, it will get more normal again.”

“Our schedules aren’t so neat and tidy next semester. And I have some long ass days.”

“I know, I’m sorry you still have a 7:30 class, that blows. At least you don’t have any night classes, Maria has a class from 5:00-7:00 in the spring.”

“Okay, yah, I’ll take 7:30 over 5:00 any day.”

“And you tested out of piano class, so that freed up time to take real classes.”

“That was a relief, what a boring, annoying class.”

“Lessons are better. You’ll totally kill it.”

Michael laughed. “Killing piano sounds really strange.”

“It does.” Alex was quiet for a few seconds. “I love you.”

“Love you too, baby. Jaime will be here any minute.”

Alex heaved a sigh. “Yah, it’s time for mass. It’s pretty neat to go to midnight mass, you’ll enjoy it.”

“When was the last time you went?”

“When I was 7.” He left it unspoken that his mother had been gone by the next Christmas. 

“Hey, Jaime is actually here, I’ll text you when I get home?”

“I might be asleep, but text anyway. Love you, sweetheart.”

“Love you too. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”

As happy as Alex was that Michael was going to have a good Christmas, he really wished that _he_ was the reason for that good Christmas. _I love Michael, I wanted to be the one that made his Christmas special._

He was still awake when his dad came home, and froze in terror, forcing himself to remember that he wasn’t supposed to be up after midnight, the dresser was in front of the door, and the guitar was safely hidden in the closet with this backpack, duffle, and computer. Even after the boots had disappeared down the hall, he stayed still for a few minutes before his body relaxed, recognizing that the threat was gone. He grabbed his phone and looked at the picture of Michael, and vowed that he’d never put himself in this position again.

***

Alex was prostrate on Maria’s couch. “I’m too full. This is ridiculous. I’m going to explode.”

Liz was similarly sprawled on the floor in front of the TV. “Me too, dios mio.”

“Drama queens. I’ll go get my tiara.” 

Alex flipped Maria off over the back of the couch and listened to Mimi laugh. “Two Christmas dinners in one day was the best _and_ the worst decision I’ve ever made.”

“How are you not dying?” Liz groaned from the carpet. “You had two dinners too.”

“I didn’t stuff myself within an inch of my life like you two. I wanted to have room for pie.”

“I still have room for pie,” Alex declared, pulling laughter out of everyone. When his phone chimed in his pocket, he pulled it out. “It’s my sweetheart.” That drew a gagging noise from Maria and the ‘aw’ Liz usually reserved for kittens and puppies. He unlocked his phone.

_Michael: Feliz Navidad baby. How are your festivities?_

_ Alex: Good I’m so full I’m gonna die_

_ Alex: I wish you were here_

_ Alex: The food was all so good_

_ Michael: My dinner was fantastic. I’m stuffed._

_ Michael: You were right, the piece impressed literally everyone._

_ Michael: I also got major points for speaking Spanish for the abuelas._

_ Alex: Awesome_

_ Alex: I knew you’d kill it_

_ Alex: I forget sometimes how good your Spanish is_

_ Michael: Ryan made my promise I’d take Spanish 3 my junior year._

_ Alex: Damn _

_ Alex: How can I be a better bf than him?_

_ Michael: Hahaha _

_ Michael: You’re perfect baby. I love you._

_ Alex: I love you too perfect bf_

_ Alex: Oh btw merry christmas_

_ Alex: I’m sure Liz would say hi but shes in a food coma_

_ Alex: And Maria is a snot_

“Hey!” Maria yelled, offended. “I’m not a snot!”

Alex and Liz both laughed. “Why are you reading my texts over my shoulder?”

“For ammunition to pick on you.”

“I should have fucking known.”

_Alex: Maria is creeping on my phone_

_ Michael: Not shocked. _

_ Michael: YOU’RE NOSY DELUCA!_

_ Alex: She so is_

“I’m not nosy, I’m trying to make sure you’re safe and happy.”

“Uh huh. Sure.”

_Michael: I love you so much baby. When do you want to Skype?_

_ Alex: Oh how about now_

_ Alex: Let me get my computer_

Alex levered himself up off the couch with a miserable groan. “Where did I leave my computer? Michael wants to Skype.”

“On my dresser.”

“Get it for me?”

Maria rolled her eyes. “Really? You’re too full to walk down the hall?”

“Short answer, yes. Long answer, also yes.”

She rolled her eyes again but went to get the computer with the sounds of laughter following her to her room. “Here, fat lazy blob boy.”

“Hey, I haven’t actually gained any weight,” Alex argued. He opened his computer on the coffee table. “This is temporary.”

“How have you not gained weight?” Liz complained, forcing herself to get off the floor. 

“I have no idea. When I couldn’t run I thought I’d put on weight, but I didn’t. At least my clothes don’t fit any differently, I don’t have a scale. Michael’s put on a little weight but he was too skinny when I met him so it’s a good thing.”

“Why was he too skinny?”

Alex looked at Liz. “That’s his story to tell, I don’t know if he’d want me to share.”

“That tells me enough, honestly.”

When Michael answered the call, Alex saw that he was back in their room. “Oh, are you home already?”

Michael nodded. “Yah, I came home around 8:00, it was a lull where there were a couple people who were sober enough to drive before they started drinking again.”

Alex cracked up, drawing Liz and Maria over to the sofa. Liz plopped down next to him, and Maria leaned over the back. “I guess Liz and Maria want to say hi.”

“Hi Liz, hi DeLuca.” Micheal waved. “Wait, that doesn’t work. Liz, what’s your last name?”

“Ortecho.”

“Okay, that’s going to be your name to match DeLuca.”

“Fine but I’m going to call you Mikey.”

Alex laughed as Michael glared. “I’ll still call you Michael.”

“I was actually Guerin a lot in school since Michael is such a common name.”

“I was Maria D. for most of school,” Maria commiserated. 

“I started going by Liz in like 3rd grade because there were so many Elizabeths.”

“I was the only Alexander, everyone else was Alejandro, so that’s usually how it got divided up. I was Alex and they were Alejandro. Except Alejandro Reyes, he went by Rey.”

“For a bunch of really interesting people, we all have really common names,” Michael pointed out. “Merry Christmas ladies, by the way.”

“Merry Christmas, Mikey.” Liz laughed when Michael groaned.

“Merry Christmas Guerin. Too bad your boyfriend never thought of something to give you.”

“That’s okay, I don’t need anything except for him to come home.”

“Hey!” Alex tried to defend himself while the girls laughed. “I thought of something!”

“Oh really, miraculously since last night?”

“Yep, it was a Christmas miracle.”

“Is it socks?” Liz giggled. 

“No,” Alex laughed. “It’s not socks. He wears my socks all the time anyway.”

“They’re newer and comfier.”

“And my underwear.”

“Same reason.”

“And my pajamas.”

“I never realized how useful pajama pants were.”

“And my sweater.”

“You wear my Dr Pepper shirt so often I never get to put in on.”

“You guys are so cute.”

“Ortecho, he’s been stealing my shirts since like the third week of the semester.”

“About the time you decided you didn’t need to ask to borrow pajama pants.”

“You guys have been stealing each other’s stuff since before you started dating?”

“Please, Liz, they’ve been married since the day they met.”

“We have,” Alex agreed.

“Basically.” Michael shrugged. “I’m currently wearing the palm tree pants.”

“And my Nirvana shirt.”

“What of mine are you wearing?”

Alex laughed. “Your hoodie, but since they’re identical, it’s only yours because you took it off and traded with me.”

“Oh my god, you traded hoodies before leaving?” Maria groaned while Liz repeated her puppies-and-kittens noise. “Please tell me you’ve washed it?”

“Yes, I washed everything yesterday.”

“I haven’t washed yours, but I haven’t worn it everyday.”

“You guys are ridiculous.”

“We’re desperately, young-adult-novel-fanfiction in love, Maria,” Alex explained dramatically as everyone died laughing. “Being separated for five days has seemed like an eternity.”

“In all seriousness,” Michael interjected, still laughing, “We haven’t been away from each other since mid August and the last few days have been extremely boring. I’ve had plenty of time to think about how much I miss you, baby.”

“I miss you too.” Alex ignored Maria’s snort and Liz’s giggles. “I’m spending the night here tonight, then tomorrow Flint and I will probably take naps, and I’m sure he’ll be hungover, and then Saturday morning I’ll be home.”

“I know how much you hate naps, Alex, I’m sorry, baby.”

Alex laughed. “Oh I know, I hate naps so much. But I think after a long run once I go home and a hot shower, a nap will be amazeballs.”

“You’re exercising on vacation?” Liz sounded scandalized. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Hey, I like running and I was out of action for a long ass time, I’m not missing any opportunities to run on my old route while I’m here.”

“Ridiculous.”

“Anyway.” Alex shifted his attention back to Michael. “Anyway, we can talk tomorrow too. My dad will be asleep so we’ll probably need to text. I’m really hoping we just don’t see him tomorrow, but I doubt he’ll sleep the entire day. He’s pretty rigid about sleep schedules, so I don’t know if he’ll go back to bed at 10:00 if he gets up in the afternoon. He hasn’t done a 24 hour shift since I was little.”

“It’s all about control, baby. He wanted to show you and your brother that he controls when you see him and what attention you get.”

Alex nodded. “I know. I stopped trying to figure out how to be perfect enough to get him to love me a while ago, but this has been hard on Flint.”

“As much as I have no good feelings toward Flint, I don’t like the idea of anyone suffering because they have abusive parents,” Maria commented. “Jesse Manes is an asshole.”

“Agreed.” Alex sighed. “I love you so much sweetheart. I can’t wait to come home.”

“Ugh, gross.” 

“Hey, Maria, let’s give them a minute, okay?” Liz got up from the couch and dragged Maria into the kitchen.

“I love you too, baby. I miss you. I’m glad you’re staying with DeLuca, even if your dad isn’t at home.”

“I hate being in that house alone at night. Too many bad memories. A slumber party is way better. Even though I’ll have to sleep on the floor or the couch.”

“I’ve met you, I think you can probably sleep anywhere.”

“Once I eat some of the amazing pie in the kitchen I’ll be so full I might just pass out on the tile.”

“I could really go for some pumpkin pie,” Michael answered wistfully. “I had all sorts of delicious stuff at Jaime’s but no pumpkin pie.”

“I’ll bake you one when I get back. I’ll make chilli and cornbread and bake you a pie.”

“You are just the sweetest thing, Alex Manes. I love you.”

“I love you too.” He paused for a minute. “I hear whipped cream.”

Michael laughed. “Go eat pie and hang out with the girls. Text me when you get up tomorrow.”

“Will do. Merry Christmas, Michael. I love you so much.”

“Merry Christmas, baby. Love you too.”

Alex sighed when Michael had signed off and closed his computer. He loved that boy so ridiculously much. 

“Here, eat pie,” Liz commanded, walking in with a plate overflowing with whipped cream. “Mimi baked an extra pie just to have for breakfast tomorrow.”

“Fuck yes,” Alex enthused around a mouthful. “Best breakfast ever.”

“So what did you decide to get Michael for Christmas?”

Alex looked over at Maria and swallowed his pie. “Last night Flint gave me my mom’s other guitar and we restrung it. I’m going to give it to Michael.”

“Whoa, really?” Liz’s eyes were wide. “Why did Flint give it to you?”

“He hasn’t touched it, it’s been in his closet since he moved out. Mom would want someone to play it. In return I have to stay the fuck away from Dad and Roswell.”

“Good trade-off, I can come visit you guys in Albuquerque,” Liz suggested. “Does he know you’re giving it to Michael?”

“No, I don’t think he’d be okay with it, but it’s mine now, so it’s mine to give away. Michael will _treasure_ it. That’s really what he wanted for Christmas.”

“That’s a really special gift, Alex, he’ll love it.” Maria smiled. “I know I give you guys a hard time, but I know he loves you and will keep it forever.”

“I can’t believe you’ve been stealing each other’s clothes since before you started dating,” Liz laughed. “What inspired you to just grab one of his shirts?”

“Well, we’ve always done our laundry together, it’s easier to just do bigger loads, and it was _so fucking hot_, and Michael’s super soft Dr Pepper shirt was on the top of the basket, and I was like, ‘fuck it,’ and put it on.”

“And he didn’t care?”

“Not really, he gave me crap about it but didn’t really mind. He stole one of my shirts out of both retaliation and a need for a really thin shirt because it was so hot, and then all bets were off.” Alex ate another bite of pie. “He was complaining about not having anything to wear besides jeans or just boxers and I threw a pair of pajama pants at him, and that was an invitation to take them whenever. He asked to borrow a pair of socks one time and has never stopped. He has a lot of really old, worn out shirts that are ridiculously soft, and I steal them all the time.”

“That’s so cute,” Liz decided. “It’s like when I used to steal Kyle’s hoodies all the time.”

“Except that we’re the same size so it’s less cute and more practical.” 

“It’s still cute.” Liz took a bite of her pie. “I actually still have one of Kyle’s hoodies.”

“I have one of Carlos’s.” Maria finished her pie and patted her stomach. “Okay, _now_ I am too full.”

“Wanna watch a movie?” Alex suggested. “Then pass out?”

Maria gave it a thumbs up. “Sounds good. Here, give me your plates, I’ll take them to the kitchen. You guys pick the movie.”

Alex fell asleep watching _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ and thinking about his soulmate playing his mother’s guitar.

***

Jesse emerged from his room at 2:15, on the dot, and proceeded to ignore both of his children while he reheated leftovers and ate them alone at the kitchen table. Alex had been playing guitar quietly while Flint borrowed his computer to Skype with Brianna. She’d seemed very happy to meet Alex over the internet, and he was happy to see that she was just as bright and vivacious as she looked, and was sarcastic as fuck. She noticed that they completely changed when Jesse passed behind them to get to the kitchen, and even though she looked like she wanted to punch someone in the throat, sweetly made the excuse that she needed to help clean up the house so that she could go. Flint’s phone buzzed immediately and from the look on his brother’s face, it was choice words about their father from Brianna.

When he came into the living room and took his usual spot, he ignored Alex and Flint for a few minutes before engaging Flint in a conversation about his role as a weapons specialist in the Air Force and what he’d be doing in Colorado. Alex noticed the gratitude on his brother’s face at finally being noticed by their father; he understood completely how magical it was to actually earn his approval. And Flint really did have a cool job, Alex had to admit. He was joining a research and development lab for short-range weapons. The military had put billions of dollars into long-range capabilities but not as much had gone into what soldiers would use in close-quarters combat. After that explanation from Flint, Alex tuned him out, he gave exactly no fucks about guns. Instead he was on Facebook posting the pictures he’d taken with everyone since he’d been home and requesting Brianna as a friend.

“Alex, what are you planning to do with yourself the rest of your break?”

He looked up, startled that his father had addressed him. “Um, I have no idea. Exercise, probably, find better places to run since I hate the traffic where I go now. If the campus rec center is open I might start lifting weights.” _Did that all sound manly?_ “Practice piano so I don’t lose progress over the break.” _Not manly, but dedicated._ “Maybe go hiking? My roommate is stuck in the dorms over break and he likes hiking too.” _Nice and manly._

“Why are you taking piano lessons?”

“It’s required for my minor. Either two semesters of piano class plus a semester of private lessons, which I tested out of, or two semesters of lessons.” Alex refused to shrink from his father’s disapproving glare. “My professor keeps telling me to stop learning music so fast.” Flint laughed at that and grinned at his brother. “I’m afraid of the pieces she’s going to give me when we get back since I mistakenly said, ‘I like a challenge.’”

“Huh.” 

Alex watched his father ruminate on what he’d said, nervous about what else he might say, and afraid to look back at his phone and be seen as disrespectful. He didn’t _think_ his dad would try to hit him with Flint there, but he didn’t want to really test that theory.

“What do you plan to do with that?”

He assumed his dad meant the music. “I don’t know if I want to _do_ something with it. Computer science is pretty comprehensive, I can make a career out of that, I don’t need a minor to make it, I don’t know, better?” Alex tried to think of a way to explain his thinking. “Right now I’m on the track for computer science _or_ computer engineering, but I can’t actually major in one and minor in the other because of the course load. I’m minoring in music just because I’m good at it, and I like it.”

“What’s the difference between computer science and engineering?” Flint asked.

“Computer science heads toward programming, engineering goes toward hardware design. I’m leaning more toward programming.”

“Huh.” 

Alex noticed his dad’s eyes land briefly on the guitar next to him on the couch before he focused his dead-behind-the-eyes stare back at his son. “Programming has a lot of applications, but I’m a lot more interested in intelligence and security than like, game design or tax software or something.” He watched something flutter across his father’s face, gone as soon as he noticed it. “Sometimes I think about going into aerospace, though. There are a lot of jobs for programmers and software engineers in aviation and space exploration.” He saw that flash of emotion on his father’s face again. _Is he...actually not disappointed? Am I slightly less worthless?_ Alex didn’t let it get his hopes up. He knew that Jesse would never love him, and his approval meant next to nothing.

“Any reason you couldn’t have done that for the Air Force?”

_Don’t rise to the bait._ “I still can, as a civilian contractor.”

Jesse scoffed but didn’t deny the possibility. The military had to bring in contractors. It was impossible to have the level of skill and knowledge that some things required from someone whose career was, first and foremost, being a soldier. _I’m too fucking gay to be in the Air Force Dad. I’m so fucking out now that they’d never even accept me. One Google search and me making out with Michael is the first image result._ Downside of Facebook, it wasn’t very private. 

They lapsed into silence, and Alex went back to his phone. Michael had texted him while he was getting attention from his father.

_Michael: How are things baby?_

_ Michael: Is your dad bugging you?_

_ Alex: He actually talked to me _

_ Alex: Wanted to know what I was doing with the rest of break_

_ Alex: I said exercise and practice piano_

_ Alex: I doubt he wants to hear my real plans_

_ Michael: What are your real plans? _

_ Alex: Have a lot of sex and take a lot of naps_

He waited for a few moments for Michael to reply.

_Michael: Those are some pretty sweet plans._

_ Alex: I thought so_

_ Michael: Am I invited?_

_ Alex: Ugh fine_

_ Michael: 😂_

_ Alex: As if I could do those w/out you_

_ Alex: Napping alone isnt as nice as with you_

_ Alex: Personal space heater_

_ Michael: You just love me for my body temperature._

_ Alex: And your dick_

_ Alex: Your ass gets me emotional too_

_ Michael: Aren’t you with your DAD? Stop._

Alex blanched. He looked up but his dad was watching TV and Flint was looking at his own phone. 

_Alex: 😳_

_ Alex: Omg I totally forgot how stupid that was_

_ Alex: He hasnt tried to look at my phone_

_ Alex: I hope I wasnt making weird faces_

_ Michael: I can guarantee you were making weird faces. PG rated texting now._

_ Alex: Pg topic_

_ Alex: Your going to love your present_

_ Alex: I’m so excited to give it to you_

_ Michael: *You’re_

_ Alex: If I didnt miss you so much id tell you to fuck off_

_ Michael: Should I try to be up at 5am?_

_ Alex: Fuck no_

_ Alex: I’m going directly to sleep when I get there_

_ Alex: Dont stay up all night sweetheart_

_ Michael: Even if I try I probably can’t. I’m too used to sleeping all night now._

_ Alex: Do I want to know why you used to stay up all night_

_ Michael: Never know who might come through the bedroom door._

Alex felt his stomach drop and cold horror settle over him like a shroud.

_Alex: Oh sweetheart_

_ Alex: Are you okay_

_ Alex: Do you need to talk about it_

_ Alex: Oh fuck I’m so sorry_

_ Michael: Don’t worry baby nothing ever happened._

_ Michael: But I know I’m lucky._

_ Michael: And I was in some homes where there was a threat. _

_ Alex: I’m so relieved_

_ Alex: I love you _

_ Michael: I love you too baby._

_ Michael: To loop back around, what’s my present?_

Alex laughed silently.

_Alex: Right_

_ Alex: Like I’m gonna tell you_

_ Alex: When you wont give me a microscopic hint_

_ Michael: Okay here’s a microscopic hint:_

_ Alex: I cant wait_

_ Michael: It’s primarily composed of matter._

_ Alex: Okay look asshole_

_ Michael: 😜_

_ Alex: I guess we got each other the same thing_

_ Alex: Yours is also primarily composed of matter_

_ Michael: How embarrassing._

“Hey Alex?”

He looked up at Flint. “What’s up?”

“I might die if I don’t go get one last Crashdown hit. Wanna go?”

“Sure,” he laughed. “Let me get ready.”

They stayed gone as long as they could, getting food and milkshakes, talking to Liz and Rosa, and taking selfies. Alex had never taken a picture _with_ Flint, and he liked how they looked together - their resemblance and Native American heritage were obvious in the pic. They revisited the shops in downtown, and Alex picked out a card with a very artistic alien on it for Michael’s Christmas card. They had alien Santa cards, but this one was, like, elegantly tacky. Flint got Brianna a pair of alien socks at Alex’s suggestion, and he ended up getting matching socks in his size. Once it was dark, they decided to drive around to look at Christmas lights before filling up the car for the trip. They killed as much time as humanly possible to avoid more awkward, strained silence with their father. They preemptively got snacks for the trip, including energy drinks. Flint claimed his body still had no idea where it was and he had no idea when he’d get tired, so figured it was better safe than sorry to frontload with a Red Bull.

Jesse was still in the living room when they got back, and he looked at them, mouth pinched and eyes narrowed as they entered the house laughing. Alex couldn’t help but think that any other parent would love to see their sons happy and joking around, pink-cheeked from the cold and teasing each other over hat hair. Any other father would be sad that his boys, that he hadn’t seen in months and years, would be leaving in a matter of hours. But Jesse Manes wasn’t a normal parent. He wasn’t a normal father. He was barely human. Around 9:00, Flint and Alex decided to catch naps before getting on the road at 1:30. Both of them tried to say goodnight and goodbye to their father. Both of them got stiff nods in response. Alex could see the disappointment in Flint’s posture as he went down the hall ahead of him. Alex hadn’t gotten a hug from Jesse since he was around 11.

Alex changed into pajama pants with his t-shirt and hoodie and brushed his teeth before settling down on his bed. He really did need to try to get some sleep, but missed Michael so much he really wanted to talk to him. It wasn’t a good idea with his dad still up, so he tried to put the sound of Michael’s voice out of his mind for the time being. He was still awake when his father went to bed, and was glad the dresser was in front of the door. Alex didn’t know how long he laid awake in the dark, not tired enough to sleep, before he drifted off.

When Flint woke him up at 1:15, Alex felt relatively rested and quickly got all of his things ready and into the living room. He left his pajama pants on, no sense in putting on jeans if absolutely no one was going to see him in the middle of the night. They both double checked to make sure they hadn’t forgotten anything, not even toothbrushes, before very quietly leaving the house.

“If anyone ever asks me to come see them in Roswell again, I’m staying with them.”

“Same here.” Alex had never planned to go home. “I’m going to stay with Maria over spring break.”

“I never want to sleep in that house again.”

“Me either.” _We both blocked our doors against our own father attacking us in our sleep._

They were quiet for a while before Flint begged Alex to put on something loud to keep them awake, and they jammed north on the highway to 90s alternative, getting away from Roswell fucking New Mexico as fast as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think of Flint's redemption? I started to feel like he didn't deserve it as I was watching him be a total douche in the actual show. Maybe canon Flint can be saved, who knows? 
> 
> When Flint was stationed in Oklahoma, he was at Tinker AFB, it's right outside of Oklahoma City. Frito chilli pie is a thing. It's Fritos in the bottom of the bowl, chilli, then onions, cheese, and sour cream on top. I actually really don't like chilli, so the only way I'll eat it is with things to cut the flavor, like the Fritos and toppings. If I have plain cornbread, I'll also put that in chilli. Worst chilli ever? My mom's.
> 
> My best friend and I are talking again, but she just didn't have the time or energy to beta this chapter, it's been done for a week and I just wanted to post it. I'm not even going to make the moodboard for it tonight, I'll do it tomorrow.
> 
> Chapter title: Blue Christmas - Sheryl Crow


	23. Such Great Heights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we have Michael and Alex reunited! Enjoy!

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/50081314568/in/dateposted-public/)

Alex let himself into the room in the dark, moving as quietly as possible to avoid waking Michael. Someone had turned off the hallway lights, so there wasn’t a lot of light to leak into the room - the emergency lights that were always on were distant from their door. He carefully set his bags on the floor by his desk, and propped the guitar in front of his old one, so that if Michael got up to use the bathroom before he woke up he wouldn’t notice. After stripping off his coat, hoodie, and shoes, and a quick trip to the bathroom, he climbed up into bed and gratefully snuggled up to Michael, breathing in the clean scent of his hair and the soft, rainy smell of just Michael from the nape of his neck. 

“Alex?” Michael mumbled, still mostly asleep. “You’re home?”

“Mhm good morning.” He got under the blankets with Michael’s help and wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too, baby. What time is it?”

“A little after 5:00. I’m going to pass out any second.”

“Hm, good.” 

When Alex woke up, there was sun streaming in through the cracked blinds and Michael was still asleep pressed against his back, arms tight around him. _God I missed this. I missed everything about Michael except his curly hair getting stuck in the shower drain. I hope I don’t have to sleep alone again for a really long time._ He relaxed into the embrace, reveling in the warmth, since he and Michael left the heat pretty low just to enjoy lots of blankets and each other’s body heat. Maria had never gotten the fuzzy black blanket back.

Alex didn’t think he’d really fallen asleep, just happily dozed in and out, when Michael made a cute, sleepy sound and squeezed him. “Are you awake, sweetheart?”

“Why is that a yes/no question?” Michael mused. “There are degrees of being awake.”

Laughing softly, Alex pulled Michael’s hand to his lips for a kiss. “You’re speaking in complete sentences.”

Michael chuckled and tugged on Alex’s shoulder so he’d turn over, and finally, after way too long, got to kiss him good morning. “I love you.” The words just tripped off his tongue. He’d never thought it would be so easy to say ‘I love you’ after the way he’d heard those three words twisted over the course of his life. But Alex...Alex changed everything. 

“I love you too,” Alex answered softly, kissing him again, deepening it and sliding his hand into Michael’s glorious curls. “I missed you so fucking much.”

“Fuck, me too. I’ve never hated being alone so much in my life.”

Alex tried not to feel guilty, but failed. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I won’t leave you alone again if I can help it.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Michael assured him. “It’s okay. We really can’t never be apart, it’s not realistic or healthy. It just still sucked because I had nothing to do to keep busy and I was worried about your dad.” He gave Alex a sweet little kiss. “I’m just so used to you being with me 24/7.”

“I know, we’re really in each other’s pockets like the entire day.” Alex kissed the tip of Michael’s nose. “Presents?”

Michael grinned. “Hell yah.”

They clambered off the bed, took turns with the bathroom, and spread out the futon. Michael sat down facing Alex full of joyful anticipation. “You first or me first?”

“Me first!” Alex made grabby hands. “Gimme.”

He rolled his eyes, but floated the festively wrapped package off the surface of his desk. “For you, merry Christmas, Alex. I love you.”

“Oh, the wrapping paper is so pretty,” Alex murmured. It was metallic dark blue, with brown pinecones that were frosted with white glitter snow. A real red ribbon was tied around it, not cheap Christmas ribbon. “This is a really classy gift. I don’t want to mess it up.”

“You have to open it to get to the actual present part.”

“It seems a shame to tear into such a pretty package, but, you know, I want my present.” Alex still took his time not to shred the pretty paper, untying the ribbon and gently teasing the tape off the underside of the box. _ Maybe I can do some kind of scrapbook thing with it and a picture of us together._

The box itself was just plain black and about the size of an index card, clearly jewelry. “Oh my god, I can’t wait to see this.” He prized off the lid, and inside was a _beautiful_ necklace composed of a black leather cord knotted around shiny black beads, three on either side of a central pendant that was a round, polished piece of labradorite set in a silver bezel. “Oh my god, Michael, this is gorgeous! I love it.”

“Put it on, let me see.” He’d been pretty sure Alex would love it, but there’d been that tiny lingering fear that he wouldn’t. “I went to Santa Fe to get it for you.”

“Really? Thank you so much.” He fastened the necklace and settled it. It sat at the base of his neck, the pendant rested on his sternum, just below the notch in his clavicle. “It’s beyond perfect. Take a picture so I can see it!” 

Michael grabbed his phone and took a quick shot of Alex’s smiling face. “Here, this is a great picture. You’re so fucking cute.”

Alex laughed and looked at the photo. “It looks really, really nice, sweetheart, thank you so much. I love it, and I love you.” He kissed his boyfriend for a few moments. “This may be the best Christmas present I’ve ever gotten.”

“I wanted it to be something personal, not just something you like.”

He nodded. “That’s it exactly. You remembered I liked your labradorite from Maria and got me a necklace on purpose. That makes it extra special.”

Michael smiled and kissed him again. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Your turn. Wait here.” Alex got up and stepped carefully over his duffle bag to grab the guitar.

“No, Alex, no, that’s your guitar, you cannot give it to me.”

“No, actually, it’s your guitar, I’m just handing it to you.”

“Alex.” 

“Here, take it so I can sit back down.” The horrible, upset look on Michael’s face would not do. “Look behind me.” He watched Michael’s face pass from upset to confused when he saw that Alex’s guitar was still in its place.

“What?”

“Look at it.”

Michael just stared at the gig bag for a second, trying to absorb that Alex had just put a _guitar_ in his lap, the one thing he actually wanted. He noticed the embroidery. “Mindy Begay...this is your mom’s guitar.” He shook his head. “No, Alex, you can’t give me your mom’s guitar, you can’t.”

“Yes I can. There is no one in the world who she’d want to have it more. She would have believed in our cosmic connection the minute she met you. She would have known you were meant for me, and would want the person who loves me more than anything in the world to have her guitar.”

“These are all you have left of her.”

“That’s why I want to share them with you.” Alex cupped Michael’s cheek. “I love you more than all the stars in the sky. This instrument was meant to be played by someone who will treasure it, and I know you will. I want you to keep it, and when you play it, think about how much I love you.”

Michael looked into Alex’s eyes for a few moments, seeing only love and happiness in his expression. “You really think your mom would be okay with this?” he asked softly. “She’d really want your boyfriend to have her guitar?”

Alex nodded. “Absolutely. I know my mom would have supported me, she was kind and accepting. I still don’t know how she ended up with my dad. She loved all of us unconditionally, and would have been happy for me to share her love of music with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.” He watched Michael’s face as he thought through his answer. “Open it.”

He looked down at the instrument in his lap, and still not really believing that any of this was okay, carefully unzipped the bag and got his first look at the guitar. “It’s beautiful.” He very lightly stroked the wood, felt the strings, examined the inlays on the neck. “Alex.” He looked up and didn’t try to hide his tears. “Thank you.”

“You’re so very welcome, sweetheart. I love you so much. Merry Christmas.”

Michael carefully set the guitar aside so that he could frame Alexs’s face with his hands and kiss him. “I love you. I will love you forever. And I will treasure this guitar until the day I die. Thank you baby.”

“I know you will.” They just smiled at each other for a minute. “Play something!”

Michael lifted the guitar out of the case and set it on his knee. “How does it have new strings? Where did you even get it?”

“It was in Flint’s closet, he gave it to me. We restrung it on Christmas Eve.”

“What should I play?” He looked up at Alex for a direction.

Alex smiled. “The first thing that comes to mind.”

So Michael played. 

It took no time for Alex to recognize the Iron & Wine cover of _Such Great Heights._ When Michael started to sing, Alex bit his lip against the emotion of it. The first song he’d played for Michael had been _I Will Follow You Into the Dark_ \- he hadn’t even realized the level of devotion he was capable of where Michael was concerned at that point - and now Michael was returning the favor, saying he agreed that they were meant to be, and no one could break them apart. The Postal Service version was cute; the Iron & Wine version was almost like a lullaby. Michael’s lower, rougher voice was perfect, and Alex had been right, seeing him playing with his hair falling into his eyes and the emotion on his face was breathtaking. _I love this man more than I ever thought possible._ When he finished playing, Alex clapped. “Bravo, sweetheart, that was magical.”

“I don’t know if I’d go with ‘magical’ as an adjective,” Michael laughed, still feeling emotional and not sure how to handle it. No one had ever given him something like this before. He’d earned his truck, he’d never been gifted a beautiful, perfect, expensive _anything,_ let alone a _guitar._ “I don’t even know how to tell you how happy I am, Alex.”

“Here, let me take a picture of you with it, all happy and smiling, and I’ll show you.” He waited while Michael posed, and snapped a pic. “See? Look at that face, you’re adorable.”

“I have to admit, that is a good picture, especially when you take into account that that’s bed hair.”

Alex texted him the picture. “Here, let’s send our pics to Maria.”

“I feel like Ortecho belongs in the group text now.”

“Okay, I’ll start a new thread with Liz too.” 

_Alex: Presents_

_ Alex: Michael’s gift to me_

_ Alex: What do you think_

He uploaded the picture.

_Liz: THAT’S GORGEOUS_

_ Liz: And so you Alex!_

_ Michael: I’m pretty proud of my choice._

_ Liz: You should be! _

_ Maria: Whoa, Guerin, you picked that out yourself?_

_ Alex: Yes he did_

_ Alex: Cuz I liked the rock you gave him_

_ Maria: Labradorite?_

_ Michael: Yes ma’am. _

_ Liz: Do you totally love it?_

_ Alex: Omg yes_

_ Alex: Best boyfriend ever_

_ Liz: LOL_

_ Maria: Why isn’t there an eye roll emoji, seriously._

_ Michael: I have to interrupt to state that I have the best boyfriend._

_ Michael: Did you guys know about this?_

Michael added the picture of himself playing the guitar to the chat.

_Maria: Not until after you Skyped on Christmas._

“I don’t know why I hadn’t told them earlier, I just hadn’t thought about it.”

“When did you decide to give it to me?”

Alex smiled. “When we were Skyping on Christmas Eve before you went to midnight mass.”

“Right after Flint gave it to you?”

He nodded. “When you said you were learning _Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring_ for me, I knew I needed to give it to you.”

Michael looked at the guitar where it rested against his body. “It’s so beautiful. I love that it’s a sunburst, and that the inlays are a contrasting color.”

“Mom told me once that they were abalone shell, not mother of pearl, which is what most guitars have. She had this abalone shell necklace she used to wear all the time, I loved the swirly blues and greens. I remember holding onto it, trying to trace the patterns when she’d carry me around.”

“I don’t know if I can accept how cute that image is. Baby Alex had to have been adorable.”

Alex laughed. “I don’t know what happened to any baby pictures we might have had. Maybe when Dad dies and we go clean out the house we’ll find photo albums. But I was sorta sandy blond/light brown. My hair didn’t start getting really dark until I got older.”

“Really?”

“You can kinda tell in the 6th grade picture I showed you, my hair was lighter then. Evan’s hair did the same thing, he was sandy brown when we were both little, but it’s dark now. Flint and Chris have almost black hair.”

His phone chimed, and Alex looked back down at it.

_Maria: I have to admit, you guys killed it for your first Christmas._

_Maria: How are you going to top this next year?_

_Michael: I know what I want to top next year._

“I can’t believe you just said that in a group chat with my best friends.”

“I almost can’t either.”

_Alex: Yah so do I_

_Maria: STOP OH MY FUCKING GOD!_

_Liz: TMI 😂 😂 😂_

_Michael: Forgot that I’m incapable of embarrassment there for a second._

_Alex: Hes a terrible influence_

_Alex: I used to be so innocent_

_Maria: HA! I don’t think so._

_Liz: No you used to just hide your true nature LOL_

_Maria: That’s more accurate._

_Micheal: No complaints from me that his nature is exposed._

_Michael: Frequently._

“Oh my god Michael, stop!”

“I’m trying to think of a good ‘bottom’ play on words.”

“Oh please no.”

_Michael: And enthusiastically. _

_ Liz: I do NOT need these mental pictures Mikey!_

_ Maria: Oh Lord Jesus, me either._

_ Alex: Michael is just as naturally enthusiastic btw_

_ Alex: I dont want you to think this is 1 sided_

_ Maria: Oh thank the Lord. NOW STOP._

_ Michael: But I haven’t come up with a good bottom joke yet._

_ Maria: I’m deleting this thread._

“I think you win, Michael, Maria has nothing left to say.”

Michael laughed. “I have bested the sassiest of girls.”

“You have officially shut Maria up, good job, I’ll get you a trophy,” Alex laughed. “But it won’t be for long, enjoy your victory while it lasts.”

“Sweet, sweet victory.” He strummed a triumphant-sounding chord progression on the guitar. “In all seriousness,” Michael paused while Alex laughed, “In all seriousness, what we have to worry about next is Valentine’s Day.”

“Let’s just take each other out on a date unless one of us really needs something,” Alex suggested. “We don’t have a lot of money for presents, and neither of us are into collecting loads of stuff.”

“That works. In that case I really have to invest in new socks and underwear.”

Alex shrugged. “We can keep sharing. I don’t mind.”

“In that case you should invest in more socks and underwear for me to share.”

Alex cracked up. “Why don’t we split the cost and they’ll just be ‘ours’ instead.”

“Not nearly as much fun as stealing yours.”

“You’re completely ridiculous.” When Michael tried to deny it, he raised an eyebrow. “You are.”

“You, my dear Alex, are also ridiculous, and I think that’s why we get along.”

“Okay, that’s fair. Hey, play _Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring_ for me on your new guitar.”

“I did say I’d play it for you.” Michael took a breath and centered himself before starting the lovely piece that he’d worked so hard to learn because Alex liked it so much. He’d put a lot of time and effort into it, and it did sound really, really nice. The acoustics in Jaime’s house had been better for playing, but sitting on the floor with Alex was the best place in the world to be. He finished with a flourish.

“Beautiful, sweetheart, absolutely beautiful.” Alex smiled at him. “You’re so talented.”

“So are you, don’t you dare try to say you’re not, I’ll tackle you to the floor and tickle you.”

“Okay, okay!” He held up his arms to block the threat. “Don’t tickle me.” 

Michael set the guitar aside to stretch, and watched Alex mirror him. “Did my stretch make you stretch?”

“Uh huh. There’s a theory that we have neurons specifically for mirroring people so that we can stay part of a group and fit in with others.”

“Interesting.” He leaned forward and Alex met him in the middle for a kiss. “What time is it?”

Alex looked at his phone. “Not quite noon. I’m starving. And tired.”

“Food sounds really good. We could go eat, get some groceries and stuff for cooking and eating, come back, take a nap?”

“Those all sound like good plans.” He watched Michael stand and held out his hand for help. “I’m weak and tired.”

“You’re a dork is what you are.” He pulled Alex to his feet anyway, then tugged him close for a kiss. “I love you, you’re ridiculous, and thank you again for my perfect Christmas gift.”

“I love you too, sweetheart. I love my present so much.” He really did, the necklace was perfect. “Definitely the nicest piece of jewelry I own.”

“I’m glad you like it, I thought it was really _you_ when I saw it online. I called the store and asked them to hold it for me until I could go pick it up.”

“I absolutely adore it. And I’m not going to apologize for the drive because I know you love driving.”

“I do, I totally do. And the mountains are gorgeous. There was a little snow in the shade up there.”

“That’s cool. Some time I’ll take you skiing, it’s really fun. Hard, but fun.”

“I’ll have to take your word for it.”

“I’ll teach on the baby slopes.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “That’s encouraging.”

“You’ll love it once you learn. You can watch me fall down when I try snowboarding again.”

“Okay, that is some consolation. I’m not surprised you like it with your love of skateboarding.”

“That’s how the sport happened, skaters wanted a winter sport.” He kissed Michael again. “Let’s get dressed, I want food.”

It was chilly and sunny outside, and they decided to walk over to Frontier for lunch before they did their shopping. The enchiladas were on par with the Crashdown, and Alex gave Michael a food-critic-worthy comparison, much to his amusement. Ross was a good place to find cheap cookware, so they visited the discount store before picking up groceries. Alex was unable to resist looking at literally everything, and they both ended up with soft shirts and hoodies, new socks and underwear, and Michael ended up with another pair of shoes - dark burgundy Converse with a smudge on the inside of the right one that had reduced the price to $11. Micheal didn’t give a single fuck about the black mark; he knew the shoes would get dirty on their own and no one would ever even see it. At the grocery store, Alex got the ingredients for the chilli, cornbread, and pie, including a large quantity of whipped cream. There was a refrigerator in the basement kitchen, and they figured it would be safe to keep things in there until break was over. They got other things that were easy to make and brainstormed real meals Alex could cook if they were in the mood. Michael wanted to learn how to make all of the meals; he’d _learned_ a lot about cooking in his culinary arts classes, but hadn’t _done_ much cooking outside of school his sophomore year. Alex really couldn’t think of much that would be better than cooking together. 

“What time do you want to eat tonight? There are so few people in the building that I’m pretty sure I could put the chilli on and leave it without supervision with no problems.”

Michael looked at his phone. “It’s only 3:14, how long does it need to cook? I’m pretty full from lunch and feel like it would be a fire hazard to go take a nap with it on the stove.”

Alex nodded slowly and stroked his imaginary beard. “You are very wise. Why don’t we put it on when we wake up? We can hang out down here and watch TV and play on our computers while it cooks.”

“I think that’s a better idea.” Michael smiled and pulled Alex close. “I missed you so much, baby.”

“I missed you too,” he answered softly, snuggling into Michael’s embrace. “Let’s go upstairs.”

Michael watched Alex flop dramatically onto the futon and laughed. “I really should get you a tiara.”

He flipped Michael off but any hint of seriousness was lost in his own laughter. “Wanna take a nap on the futon? We can get all of the floor pillows and bed pillows and blankets?”

“Yah, that sounds good.” With a tiny amount of psychic effort, Michael pulled all of the bedding off the bed and dropped it directly onto Alex. “Oh, the other pillows.” They kept those on his former bed, and he plopped all of them down on top of him, too. “I feel like I have to do everything around here.”

Alex fought his way out of the pile, laughing. “Fuck you!” He grabbed a pillow, and pulled his arm back to throw it, but-- “You’re just going to deflect this back at me if I toss it at you.”

“That would be a yes.”

“Fucking telekinetic alien.” He stuck his tongue out when Michael laughed, but still got to his feet without pouting. _I am a mature adult._ “I’m going to take off my pants and sweater.”

Michael toed off his shoes and pulled Alex’s hoodie off before unbuttoning his jeans. “Yah, no pants sounds good.” He helped Alex arrange the pillows and blankets for optimal coziness. If they slept diagonally on the futon with their knees bent, they fit. Even though he wasn’t really tired, he groaned gratefully when he was wrapped up in Alex’s arms. “Baby.”

“God I missed you, sleeping alone was so hard. I kept waking up any time I heard a noise. When I do that here, you’re in bed with me and I can go back to sleep. At home, it was just like living there again, scared and alone in the dark.”

Michael held Alex as tightly as he could. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“I put my dresser in front of the door so Dad couldn’t sneak up on me when I didn’t have Flint to protect me, but I still knew that if he _tried_ to get in the room and found out I’d blocked the door, he’d be so pissed that the next day would have been _hell.”_

“Did you say Flint blocked his door, too?”

Alex nodded against Michael’s shoulder. “Yah. You should have seen us, we were pitiable. We both try to hate him, but he’s our dad and we still _want_ him to love us, and it was so hard to see Flint wanting attention and approval and Dad just not _quite_ giving it to him. Flint was Dad’s favorite when I was little, he acted so proud of Flint’s football accomplishments and was so charismatic with the other parents and with Flint’s friends. I mean,” Alex qualified, “He was still getting the shit beat out of him for minor infractions, but we got it a lot worse than he did. He wanted Dad to pay attention to him, I think he wanted to have some time together to feel like a family on Christmas, but Dad ruined that for him.”

Michael ran his fingers through Alex’s soft hair. “Did you want him to approve of you, too?”

“I knew it wasn’t going to happen, so I tried not to get my hopes up. It still hurt that he didn’t say anything about the chilli since it’s his favorite. When I was talking about wanting to go into intelligence or aerospace, he was almost _not_ disapproving. I wouldn’t go as far as to say impressed or anything, but he was thoughtful for a second instead of immediately dismissing it. And he didn’t actually insult me the entire time we were there. I hate myself for how much I loved even that tiny scrap of positive attention.”

He kissed Alex’s forehead. “Don’t hate yourself, baby. It’s normal to want your dad to love you. Of course you enjoyed a little positive attention.”

“I want to not care,” Alex replied bitterly. “I want to write him out of my life.”

“Alex,” Michael said softly, “You may be legally an adult, but you’re still a child. We both are. Children need parents who love them. Neither of us had that, and we’re taking care of each other now, but it doesn’t change the fact that it really, really hurts. And,” he continued, “I think it’s worse for you because you _had_ a parent that loved you, you actually know how it feels, and it was taken away. Don’t feel bad, baby. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

He hugged Michael as hard as he could. “I love you so much, Michael, thank you for always making me feel better.”

Michael hugged back just as hard. “Just like you make me feel better.”

Alex yawned wide enough to split his face in half. “I’m so fucking tired. I was really planning to try to mess around but I’m just too tired.”

“Sleep. We can mess around when we wake up.”

When Alex woke up, it was dark in the room. He could tell that Michael was still asleep from his slow, even breathing, and just soaked in his calming presence. He never felt safer than when he was in Michael’s arms. Never. Michael would never let anything or anyone hurt him. On some level, Alex knew that there was no way that Michael could protect him from every single thing on the planet, but he didn’t care. This boy who was sleeping peacefully right across the pillow from him would keep him safe from the world.

Alex desperately wanted to trace Michael’s cheek and chin with a finger tip and push his hand into his hair. He wanted to kiss him on the lips and on his jaw and on his neck, not even bothering to get undressed. He wanted to smell his clean, rainy scent all around him. With Michael it was never just sex, it was love, it was intimate, it meant something. _I can’t believe how fucking much I love him. And how much he loves me. I’m so lucky, I never thought I could have anything like this. I don’t think I could really have imagined this level of love for someone._ Of course Alex had dreamed about falling in love, but this experience blew whatever he’d ever pictured away. _ I thought when I got to college I’d meet guys and experiment and screw around. I didn’t even consider that I’d fall in love with my roommate the day we met. _

Michael cracking open an eye caught Alex’s attention and he smiled. “Hi sweetheart.” He gave into his temptation to gently touch his face. “Sleep well?”

“Mm.” Michael chuckled when Alex did. “I didn’t even plan to fall asleep.”

“It sneaks up on you.” He leaned close and kissed him lightly on the lips. “Did I wake you up?”

He shook his head, which meant he smooshed his face into the pillow. “No, just woke up naturally. I never took naps before I met you.”

“I’ve contributed to your sloth, go me.” When Michael chuckled again, Alex kissed his nose. “I’m hungry now that I’m awake.”

Michael pulled away so he could stretch. “Hm, me too. Wanna relocate downstairs and make dinner? How long does chilli have to cook?”

“At least an hour for maximum flavor absorption. I’ll put the chilli on, make the pie, bake it, when it comes out I’ll make the cornbread, by the time it bakes the chilli will be ready to go.”

“Very efficient.”

“Thank you, thank you.” 

They got dressed, gathered up their stuff, and headed down to the basement. It was creepy how quiet it was, so Michael turned on the TV as soon as they got down stairs. He flipped channels for a little while before landing on a _Harry Potter_ movie marathon. Alex agreed with Michael that the movies weren’t nearly as good as the books, but they were still entertaining.

“Do you want to help with the chilli? I have stuff to cut up.”

“Yah, of course, baby.” Michael walked over to the counter. Alex had onions, garlic, and chilis of various heats and colors laid out. 

Alex handed him one of the cutting boards and a knife. They’d agreed that they could use money from the apartment savings to get kitchen stuff since they’d need it when they moved. “Do you remember how to cut onions?” he teased.

Michael rolled his eyes. “Yes, I can cut up onions.” He took the tear-inducing orbs from Alex. “Diced?”

“Yah. Wanna see how to prep the peppers, or have you done that before?”

“No, I’ve never done chilis. I think they were afraid high school students would hurt themselves.”

“That was probably a wise decision on their part.” Alex grabbed a jalapeño. “If I’m working with really spicy chilis, I wear gloves just to be safe. Habeñaros can burn your skin.”

“I see.” Michael watched Alex cut the top off first, then slice it in half longways. “So far, this is not fascinating.”

Alex laughed. “No, that part’s not rocket science. This is the important part.” He flattened the pepper against the cutting board. “You have to slice out the ribs of the chili and get all of the seeds out. If not, it’s just spicy and bitter, you don’t get the flavor. The variety of chilis I’m using will add the heat, we don’t want to just chuck them in whole.” 

“Interesting. I mean, actually interesting.”

“Since we got dried chipotles, I need to moisten them up to cut them up. Can you get a couple paper towels wet to wrap them in?”

“Sure.” Michael ran water over some of the soft paper towels they’d bought. The school paper towels were crap. He pulled the three smoked peppers over and wrapped them up in the wet towels. “What next?”

“I’m going to keep prepping the peppers if you want to start on the onions.”

“I’m on it.”

They worked in comfortable silence for a while, just listening to the TV and concentrating on their tasks. Alex had gotten a huge white onion and two smaller sweet yellow onions that Michael reduced to neat cubes. “I know how to do garlic too if you want to hand it to me,” he offered.

“Thanks. You know the secret to getting the paper off?”

“Smash it with the knife? Please, I did learn _something_ in culinary arts.”

“Just checking.”

After he finished with the garlic, Michael watched Alex carefully cutting open the chipotles to get out the seeds. “If you’d done it while they were dry, the peppers would have just fallen apart.” 

Alex nodded. “Exactly. You can get chipotles in a jar, but I know these were freshly smoked in New Mexico, why would I get them in a jar?”

“No complaints from me. Half for the chilli, half for the cornbread?”

“More like 2/3 for the chilli, 1/3 for the cornbread.” Alex separated the diced peppers in approximately those proportions in the paper bowls they’d gotten. “Let me get the oil and the meat out.”

“This is a lot more work than I anticipated.”

“But it turns out really good. The first time I made homemade chilli for my dad, it was kind of amazing. He was almost happy with it. He smiled and squeezed my shoulder, which was more affection than I’d gotten in a couple years at that point.”

“Baby. Let me kill him.”

“No, we’re not going to kill him. I couldn’t live with that.”

Michael moved close and kissed Alex’s cheek, making sure his oniony hands didn’t touch his clothes or skin. “I won’t kill him. He’s not worth the consequences.” He moved back and looked at Alex’s profile. “And you still love him, even with everything he’s done to you.”

Alex swallowed and closed his eyes. “I want to hate him.”

“But he’s your dad. It’s okay. It doesn’t make you weak, Alex. It’s okay.”

He just nodded quickly without saying anything, and continued with opening the packages of ground beef and pork. _I’m glad Michael understands when I can’t say anything._ After a few moments he shook the mood off. “Anyway, now we can get started for real.” He grabbed the stew pot.

“Here, let me wash the pot,” Michael offered, taking it from Alex. 

“Oh, thank you.” Alex didn’t know if it was just because Michael was sweet, or if it was because he thought Alex might be scared to do the dishes, but he appreciated it. “I’m sorta glad the only pot this size they had at Ross was pink enamel on the outside.”

Laughing, Michael flicked suds at his boyfriend. “It’ll make for a good conversation starter when people come over for dinner.” He dried it quickly with a paper towel. “You’ll be the only emo making spaghetti sauce in a Barbie pink pot.”

“Do you like spaghetti? I have a great sauce recipe.”

“I like pretty much anything.”

“Cool, I can make it any time. I use bacon as my meat.”

“If I get on one knee and propose right now, will you say yes?”

Alex cracked up. “No, I will not accept a proposal in the basement kitchen of the dorms for my use of bacon in spaghetti sauce.”

“I guess you probably should expect a little romance from a marriage proposal,” Michael agreed. “Just so you know, I’m committed to you with or without bacon.”

“Stop, I can’t wipe my eyes, I touched peppers and raw meat!” He tipped his head back and blinked rapidly, trying to stop laughing. “Please don’t include bacon in any important decisions about our relationship.”

Michael laughed. “Okay, I can agree to that, bacon won’t influence my level of commitment.”

“Oh good,” Alex laughed. He resorted to getting a paper towel to dry his eyes. “Whoever proposes first doesn’t do it with a bacon ring.”

“Oh my fucking god,” Michael laughed. “No.” He intentionally calmed down. “Have you thought about getting married?”

Alex smiled. “Yah of course, in the nebulous future. Maybe if gay marriage is ever legal.”

“Do you think that will ever happen?”

“I don’t know,” Alex answered with a shrug. “Maybe. More and more countries are legalizing same-sex marriage, I figure eventually the US will catch up.”

“That would be cool. Maybe Obama can make that happen.”

“It was really fucking cool to vote for him.”

“Agreed. He’s such a cool guy.” 

Alex pointed at the veggies. “Okay, first things first, let’s get the onions, garlic, and peppers going.” He put the pot on the stove and turned on the heat before pouring olive oil into the bottom. “Break out all the spices, would you? They all have like five layers of security.”

Michael laughed and pulled the bag of spices over. “It’s probably for a good reason.”

“I’m sure it is, it’s just annoying.” He carefully added the veggies to the oil in the pot. “There are a lot of things that suck about my old house in Roswell, but we have a gas stove. Electric stoves blow after you’ve used gas.”

“Huh, I had no idea. I don’t think I’ve ever cooked on a gas stove.”

“You can adjust the temperature instantly by turning down the flame. On an electric, when you turn it down you have to wait for the coil to cool, it’s really annoying. Things boil over all the time.”

“So your dream house has a gas stove.”

“With six burners for making fantastic meals. Double wall ovens.”

“Do you really like cooking that much?” Michael laughed.

“Dream house, money is unlimited, might as well go overboard.” Alex grinned when Michael kept laughing. “But yes, I really do like to cook. I didn’t realize it until I was cooking at home this week.” He stirred the sizzling onions and peppers. “Okay, the onions are just starting to get translucent, time for the meat.” He dumped the beef and pork into the pan. “Are the spices ready?”

“Yep, all ready.”

“Great. Salt, pepper, chilli powder, cumin, brown sugar, smoked paprika, oregano, and cayenne pepper.” He popped the shaker tops off so that he could add large quantities at once. “I’ll add more to taste after I add the tomatoes.”

Michael watched in both awe and horror as Alex measured by eye. “My culinary teacher would be crying right now.”

He laughed. “I season with my heart.” He stirred quickly, making sure the meat browned evenly. “At home, I use beer or wine to deglaze the pan so that it’s really flavorful, but obviously we can’t buy alcohol.”

“Okay, you've comforted my culinary teacher by using the word ‘deglaze’ in a sentence.” Michael inhaled. “That smells amazing.”

“Not too spicy, right?”

“My nostrils aren’t burned, so no.” He smiled when Alex laughed. “This is still probably too spicy for most of the population.”

Alex shook his head. “I didn’t use any really hot chilis, I want it to taste good, not just be a mouthful of pain.”

“It smells pretty spicy.”

“The tomatoes will mellow it out so it’s not such a punch in the face.” He turned the heat down a little. “Speaking of.” He got the tomatoes, sauce, and paste out of the bag and grabbed their new can opener. “I’ve never used this brand of crushed tomatoes before, I hope they’re okay.”

“Is there a lot of difference between brands of tomatoes?”

“I have absolutely no idea.” Alex worked with the can opener for a minute before using the tip of the knife to get the top out of the can. “They look fine.” He opened the rest of the cans. “Tomato paste first, let it get a little warm with the meat, then add the other stuff.” He scooped the paste into the pan in small chunks. “It softens faster that way.”

Michael nodded. “I’ll take your word for it.” He watched Alex add the tomatoes and sauce carefully. “We should have gotten an apron.”

“I’d love an apron,” Alex answered, tickled by the idea. “It absolutely must have both ruffles and skulls on it.”

“Oh my god, you’re so fucking emo,” Michael laughed. 

“And gay, don’t forget gay.”

“Trust me, I will never forget that you’re gay.”

“You know what I’d love? If I found one someone’s grandmother had used at like a garage sale or thrift store. Like, really antique.”

“That’s a really cute picture. There are lots of antique stores in Albuquerque, we could probably find one.”

“I love this idea.” Alex stirred the big pot. “Now this can just simmer while I make everything else.”

“You’re putting a lot of effort into this, you don’t have to make the pie if you don’t want to. Or the cornbread.”

Alex looked over at Michael while he was washing his hands very thoroughly. In fact, he repeated the 20-second soaping and rinsing process three times. “I want to. I love pumpkin pie and chilli requires cornbread.” He dried his hands on the nice paper towels. “I’ve thought about how much I’d love to cook for you for a long time, but this week while I was cooking for Dad and Flint I realized how important it was for me to make you dinner at least some of the time throughout our lives. I love you, and I love cooking, and I love taking care of you, and this all goes together really well with me feeding you.”

Michael washed his hands too. “You’re the sweetest thing. Just so you know, I like taking care of you, too and I think I’ll like cooking for you in the future. I just have to learn some recipes.”

“You can Google recipes and pull them up on your phone while you cook.” Experimentally, Alex sniffed his hands. “Okay, my hands are safe, come here.” When Michael moved close he put his arms around his shoulders. “Cooking together is really great, too.” He planted a kiss on Michael’s smiling lips. “I love you so much. But after this chilli we’re definitely going to have to wash our faces and brush our teeth before making out.”

“Good plan,” Michael laughed. “I really want to make sure there’s no chili residue on your hands before they go anywhere sensitive.”

“Exactly.” Alex pulled away to get out all of the pumpkin pie supplies. “Will you preheat the oven?”

“I’m on it.”

It didn’t take long for Alex to mix the ingredients for the pie and pour it into the pie crust. “Frozen crust in its own pie pan is a lifesaver. I’d like to try making my own pie crust, though.”

“How much difference is there between homemade and frozen?”

“Not that much, really, mostly the texture. Still, I want to learn.” He put the pie in the oven. “The temptation is to keep checking it, but the oven has to come back up to temperature every time you open the door, so it actually takes longer.”

“I did know that, actually.”

“It just makes sense.” Alex washed his hands again. “Okay, we can chill out for a while.” He took a moment to clean up the mess that had accumulated on the counter and put things in the trash. “Someday I’d like to get a hand mixer so I can make homemade whipped cream. I’ve never done that.”

“You are the most domestic goth-punk-emo-rebel in the world.”

Alex laughed and kissed Michael again. “I just like cooking.”

“And cleaning.”

“I don’t _like_ cleaning,” Alex argued. “I just think it’s really important.”

“I’m waiting for you to start sewing or knitting or something.”

Alex considered that for a minute. “You know, if I ever like, break my ankle or something, I’d probably learn how to knit or crochet. I’d get bored with being on the computer all the time.” 

“I’m picturing an endless stream of black scarves.”

That cracked Alex up. “And hats. Maybe socks.” He pulled out a chair at the big table and sat down. “I know how to make friendship bracelets.” He opened his computer.

Michael sat down opposite him. “That would be boring. They’re supposed to be colorful, yours would just be black.” He laughed when Alex flipped him off. “I’m not wrong.”

“Before I got so into pop punk, I wore a bunch of them in different colors. Maria, Liz, and I had matching ones.”

“My first girlfriend gave me one, but that relationship lasted three weeks, so I cut it off after we broke up.”

“Mine got really ratty and faded from wearing them in the shower and stuff, eventually I had to just cut them off and throw them away.” He held up his arm so Michael could see his chakra bracelet. “This is the nicest bracelet I’ve ever gotten, then the big black leather one.”

“I noticed that earlier and forgot to ask about it. You got that in Roswell?”

Alex nodded. “Yah, at the New Age store Maria likes. It’s technically all the colors of the chakras in order, but it’s a rainbow so that’s why I bought it. It’s all semi precious stones.” 

“It’s pretty. Have you ever worn any rainbow stuff before?”

“No, I’ve always been too scared. This is subtle, though, and I felt a little rebellious thrill wearing it in front of my dad.”

“Would you think about going to a Pride parade?”

He looked over the top of his computer with a huge, delighted smile. “Oh, yah, I totally would. I forgot that was a thing I could do now. Would you come with me?”

“Of course.”

When the timer went off for the pie, Alex tested it with a toothpick and declared it done, then put it on the counter to cool. They’d gotten some potholders at Ross, just plain red since the fruit, vegetable, and chicken themed ones were ugly and unappealing. When Alex stirred the chilli, he offered to let Michael taste it. 

“Okay, that’s really fucking spicy, I love it.”

“Not too spicy?”

Michael shook his head. “No, it’s perfect.”

“Excellent. I’ll start the cornbread.”

“Even I can do cornbread from a mix, do you want me to do it?”

Alex laughed. “Nope, this meal is all about me cooking for you. I’ll make it.”

The cornbread didn’t have to bake for long, but it did have to cool for a little while before they could cut it. Michael got out the paper plates and bowls and plastic silverware they’d gotten. They’d also gotten Coke to have with it, since beer wasn’t an option, and a backup gallon of milk and plastic cups just in case the chilli was too intense. 

“Aside from Christmas, this is the first homemade meal I’ve had in so long I actually don’t remember.”

Alex smiled. “The first of many, sweetheart.” He estimated the cornbread was cool enough and cut it into squares. “Grab the honey?”

“Oh yah.” They’d brought the bear-shaped honey down with them, and he put it on the table while Alex put their cornbread on plates. “Here, I’ll take those while you do the chilli.”

“Thanks.” Alex carefully ladled the chilli into the bowls and carried it over to the table. “For you, my love.”

“Thanks, baby. This looks and smells fantastic.”

Alex sat down, grabbed his spoon, and scooped up a bite. He blew on it a little to cool it. “Here we go.” 

Michael watched his face when he tasted the fruits of his labors. “Well?”

“So much spicier than what I usually make for Dad, god, it’s so good.” He gestured with his spoon. “Try it, tell me what you think!”

He blew on a bite before popping it in his mouth. “Fuck, Alex, this is amazing.”

The cornbread was equally amazing, but the combination did require emergency milk. “Too many peppers in the cornbread,” Alex declared as he gulped down cold milk.

“It’s good, but the chilli with the cornbread is too much,” Michael agreed as he drank a big cup. 

“Next time I make extra spicy chilli I’ll do cornbread with no peppers in it.” 

“Probably a good idea.” Michael wiped his eyes on a paper towel. “It’s a cumulative effect, like, the first piece of cornbread was fine. It built up to a deadly inferno.”

Alex laughed, wiping his own eyes. “Yah.” 

They had a couple days worth of chilli left that they put in the fridge. Alex steeled himself and washed the cooking utensils they’d used, but he didn’t have a reaction, not being at his old house. _That’s good, I’m going to need to do dishes in my life._

They flopped on the uncomfortable couch to watch whichever _Harry Potter_ movie was on for a while, pleasantly full and still sweating a little from the chilli. Alex was starting to get a little sleepy when Michael pulled away. “What?”

“Gotta use the bathroom. Wanna do pie when I come back?”

“Good idea.” Alex got up off the couch and went to get the whipped cream out.

The pie was cool and ready to cut, having rested on the counter for a couple of hours. Alex decided cutting pie with a plastic knife was a travesty and got the knife he’d used the peppers, washing it again just in case. By the time Michael returned, he had two large pieces plated and ready. “How much whipped cream to do you want?”

“Oh man, like, a metric fuck ton.”

Alex laughed at that and sprayed a mountain of whipped cream on the piece of pie. “Good?”

“Yah, excellent.” He watched Alex follow suit and put an avalanche of whipped cream on his pie. “This is why you got three cans of whipped cream.”

“Hell yah.” They sat at the table and Alex watched Michael take the first bite. “Well?”

“Unbelievable,” Michael mumbled around his mouthful. “So good.”

Pleased that Michael liked it, Alex tried a bite and was thrilled with both the flavor and texture. “This is a pretty good pie, I’m happy with it.”

“I haven’t had pumpkin pie in way too long, it has to be the best American food there is.”

“Better than hamburgers and french fries?”

“Yah, definitely better.” He ate more of the pie. “It’s a crying shame pumpkin pie isn’t served all year.”

“You can still make it in the summer,” Alex laughed. “Canned pumpkin is on the baking aisle at the store all the time.”

“Why was I never made aware of this?”

Alex was highly amused by Michael’s outrage. “Because it’s weird to eat pumpkin pie in the summer?”

“Hmph.”

After they finished their pie, Alex covered it and put it in the fridge. “I hope no one steals our pie before breakfast.”

“Pie for breakfast? Why was I not made aware that that is a possibility?”

Michael’s continued outrage pulled more laughter out of Alex. “You’ve been deprived.”

“Of so many things.” He cupped Alex’s pink cheeks and kissed him. “Wanna head back upstairs? I have no idea what time it is.”

“Yah, let’s go back to the room.” He pressed a little kiss to Michael’s lips and stepped back. “Let’s pack up our stuff.” He looked at his phone. “Holy shit, it’s after midnight.”

“Our sleep schedule is all fucked up today.” 

“Flint texted me that he got home safely, though. He had insane layovers in like four airports to get tickets that cheap.”

“Is he really broke or just really cheap?”

“Really cheap. You don’t end up spending a lot of your own money while you’re in a war zone, so your paychecks tend to accumulate. He’s always been the type to save money, though. It drove his friends nuts because he always wanted them to pay for everything because he was saving for who knew what.”

“I’d say I’m pretty fucking cheap, but flying out at 7:10 after a three hour drive and spending the entire day airport hopping sounds like pure misery and I’d shell out the extra bucks to not do that.”

“I know, right?”

The room was dimly lit by Michael’s desk lamp, and they carefully walked on the futon to put stuff on their desks. Alex flipped his light on, too, and turned to face his boyfriend. “I’m not tired enough to go to bed, really, and I’m pretty movied out. Any ideas on what to do?”

Michael moved close and tugged Alex against him with hands on his hips. “Mhm, I can think of something to do. Wanna go de-chilli ourselves? And futon or bed?”

“Bed, I’ll clean up while you put up the futon?”

“That works.”

By the time Michael came back, Alex was in bed wrapped in blankets and looking suspiciously naked. “Little bit eager?” He started stripping off his own clothes to the sound of Alex’s laughter.

“Did either of us have even a fraction of a doubt about where this was going?”

“Well, no.” Micheal climbed up the ladder and up Alex’s body. “Hello.”

“Mm, hello.” He spread his hands over Michael’s warm back. “God I missed you.”

“I missed you too. Everything about you.”

“Even how I drool on your chest sometimes?”

Michael laughed softly. “Even that.” He pressed a soft kiss to Alex’s smiling lips. “I love you, baby.”

Alex brushed the curls back from Michael’s forehead. “I love you too. Knowing I was coming back to you made things easier when I was at home. When I was really scared or sad I looked at pictures of us together and remembered that you’re what’s important, and with you I can get through anything.”

“I did the same thing.” He brushed Alex’s lips with his own. “The first day I got my phone, I snuck a picture of you while we were out walking around, and I look at it all the time. You’re looking away and the sun is outlining your profile, and your hair is blowing back from your face. I already knew then that I was going to fall in love with you, and I still look at that picture and think about how great those first few days were, when we’d just met and there were unlimited possibilities for being friends and boyfriends and growing up together and I was already so attached to you. And now I can flip through all the pictures we’ve taken together and look back at that one and see how far we’ve come, and think about where we’re going to go.”

“Why do you always make me cry?” Alex joked with a sniffle. “We’re ridiculous.”

Laughing, Michael lifted off one arm to gently wipe Alex’s tears away. “Completely ridiculous.” He kissed him again. “Eventually I’m sure we’ll chill out.”

“It would be nice to stop crying every five minutes.” Alex lifted his head to kiss Michael’s smile. “At least it’s good crying.”

Michael kissed him again. “That’s good.” 

Alex ran his hand through Michael’s hair and smiled when he leaned into the touch. “What do you want, sweetheart?” He scratched lightly on his scalp and chuckled when he moaned. “Want me to just play with your hair all night?”

Michael laughed softly. “No, I actually do feel a strong need to have sex with you after not seeing you since Monday.”

“Mm, same.” He pulled him down for a kiss and dragged it out, building the passion between them. “Wanna get under the blankets?”

“Probably a good idea.” Michael moved until the blankets were thrown back and he was skin-to-skin with Alex. He hummed with pleasure. “Baby.”

“Mhm,” Alex agreed, moving his hands over Michael’s back. “Did you decide what you want?”

He propped himself up on his elbows to look into Alex’s eyes. “Do you want to be on top this time?”

Surprised and delighted, Alex smiled. “Yah, yah if that’s what you want.”

“I do. I know we haven’t yet, and you haven’t asked, but I started to wonder if it’s because you didn’t think you _could_ ask.”

“I was kinda waiting for you to offer.” Alex caressed his cheek. “I know you’ve bottomed before but I didn’t know if that was something you actually wanted to do with me. I was sure you’d say yes if I asked--”

“So you didn’t ask in case I really didn’t want to.”

“Yah.”

Michael kissed him. “Rest assured, I want to. I was getting off thinking about it while you were gone.”

“Really?”

He nodded and kissed him again. “I’d never actually fingered myself before.”

Alex dropped his head back against the pillow and moaned. “That’s a mental picture I will treasure for my entire life.”

Chuckling, Michael kissed Alex’s neck. “It can’t possibly top when I watched you.”

“The nail polish really did it for you, huh?”

“I don’t even know _why.” _

“I don’t either,” Alex laughed before tugging Michael down for a kiss. “But I’ll be happy to help you figure it out.”

Michael laughed against his lips and kissed him again. “Not right now. Right now I want you to use those long, pretty fingers on me.”

“Here, let me move so you can lay down.” Alex grabbed the lube from where he’d put it between the pillows and scooted against the wall. “What do you like? Or,” he corrected, “What do you _not_ like?”

“Thank you for asking me, baby.” Michael slid his hand into Alex’s hair and pulled him down for a kiss. “Go slow, it’s been a long time. I know you like it to burn a little, and you like to be sore the next day, but I really don’t.”

Alex stroked his cheek. “I figured. What else, sweetheart?”

“It takes me a while to relax, please don’t get impatient.” He tried to make it sound like a joke.

Alex could tell it wasn’t a joke. “No, of course not,” he answered, kissing him. “I don’t ever want to hurt you, and I don’t ever want you to think I’m rushing you. I can’t enjoy it if I know you’re not.” There was something else he could see happening behind Michael’s eyes. “If you change your mind I won’t ever be mad. Tonight or any night for the next 80 years.”

Michael closed his eyes and felt about 80% of the tension in his body just disappear. “Thank you.” He opened his eyes when he felt Alex’s lips on his cheek. “Thank you.”

“I want this to feel good, I don’t want you to do it because you feel like you have to, okay? So if it’s not working for you, tell me, we’ll do something else. No judgement.” 

“I really fucking love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” Alex pressed a kiss to his lips. “Are we okay?”

“Yah, baby.” He pointedly spread his legs as much as he could on the narrow bed. “I do like being on bottom. I’ve never had the opportunity to finger myself before this week, and it reminded me just how much I do really want you to fuck me.”

Alex smiled. “Okay. Tell me if you want me to do something different.” He kissed Michael’s soft lips. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Sex with Alex was never just sex. He watched him pop open the lube and slick his fingers. “You can’t use too much.”

_God, how often has he had horrible sex?_ “Okay.” Sure that he had enough lube, Alex circled Michael’s entrance. “Good?”

“Yah.” He really did trust Alex, and smiled at him. “I’m okay.”

Thinking about how much he’d liked it when they were first starting to mess around and Michael had gone so slow, he mimicked those movements, dipping inside to spread the lube, not going too deep at first, making sure he was relaxed before sliding one finger all the way inside. Just working one in and out for a little while, watching Michael’s face for any signs of discomfort, kissing his shoulder just because. “Still okay?”

Michael nodded. “Yah, I’m okay. You can do two, it might take me a minute to relax around your fingers, though.”

“I’ll go slow, sweetheart,” Alex promised, and just rubbed his hole with two fingers for a few moments, until Michael moaned and lifted his hips a little. He kissed him as he pushed both fingers into his body.

_Relax_, Michael told himself. This was _Alex_. He’d had three boyfriends, including Ryan, and sex with them had been fine, had been _good_, but he’d also had a couple of hook ups that were just _bad._ He focused on the feeling of Alex’s fingers in his body, going so slowly and being so careful, and it felt _so_ good. He opened his eyes, not even realizing he’d shut them, and looked at Alex. He was just _radiating_ love and was so obviously happy to touch him and take his time with him, and he let himself go. “That feels good, baby,” he whispered. His eyes fell closed again as Alex worked his fingers in and out, and moaned again. “Like that.”

Alex kissed his shoulder again, then his cheek, and when Michael opened his eyes and turned his head, his lips. “You look amazing,” he murmured. “Just fucking gorgeous.”

The compliment startled him and he smiled. Alex told him he was attractive all the time, but the context was different - he wasn’t usually in a position to be so vulnerable. “I love you.”

He kissed Michael again, infinitely gentle. “I love you too. I’m going to spread my fingers, loosen you up, that okay? Or do you need more time?”

Michael smiled. “I’ve said it before, but you are the sweetest thing, Alex Manes. Yah, go for it.”

Alex was careful, as careful as he could be, wanting to be sure he caused Michael absolutely no pain. He was aware that he was in the minority of people who enjoyed it when it hurt a little. He watched Michael’s face as he scissored his fingers, but he didn’t flinch or show any other evidence of being uncomfortable. 

“That feels good,” Michael whispered, and it really did. “I need more now, baby, please.”

He kissed Michael’s temple. “Tell me if I go too fast.” He pulled his fingers out and added a little more lube before sliding three fingers inside. “Still okay?”

“Yah.” It felt good, even the stretch of it wasn’t bad. “Feels good.” He giggled when Alex licked his ear. “That’s not fair.”

“How is it not fair that I make you feel good?” Alex answered with laughter in his voice. He ran his tongue along the delicate shell of Michael’s ear, enjoying his shiver and moan, while he continued to prep him, then kissing down his jaw and onto his neck. “You tease me like it’s an Olympic event.”

That made Michael laugh out loud, and he turned his head to kiss Alex’s smiling lips. “You love it.”

“You get off on me being impatient.”

“I can’t deny that.” Any hint of nervousness he’d had was completely gone, and Alex’s fingers were starting to really drive him crazy. “Baby,” he started, then broke off with a moan when Alex experimentally pushed in deep. “Oh fuck, Alex, I’m ready.”

“You’re sure?” He continued to move his hand, watching Michael pant.

He nodded. “Yah, yah, I need it.” He cupped Alex’s cheek and lifted his head to kiss him. “Can I be on top at first?”

“Of course, sweetheart.” Alex assumed Michael wanted to control how fast he penetrated him. “Switch me places.”

Michael straddled Alex as soon as he’d moved into place. Once he was ready, he was _ready._ “Lift your knees up behind me,” he instructed. Bracing one hand on the headboard and positioning Alex with the other, he slowly sank down onto his cock. “Baby.” Michael’s thighs were shaking with the effort of easing himself down slowly, but he just couldn’t rush it, couldn’t ruin it, he wanted it too badly. “Baby.” 

“I’ve got you,” Alex whispered in echo of what Michael usually said to him. He let his fingers trace over his skin, just petting, just showing affection. “It’s okay, don’t rush.” 

The stretch hurt, just a little, but then the fullness started to feel _amazing_ and he groaned as he let gravity help him until his ass was on Alex’s thighs. “Fuck yes.” He waited a moment, adjusting to the sensation of Alex inside him, finally opening his eyes to see the stunned pleasure on the other boy’s face. “Feels good, doesn’t it?” he chuckled.

“Don’t move yet, I don’t want to come,” Alex begged. His vision had almost whited out with how good it felt as Michael relaxed down onto him. “Oh my god.”

Michael chuckled again, and leaned a little to brush his fingers over Alex’s cheek. “It’s okay if you don’t last long, baby.” He really didn’t expect it to, for either of them. When Alex let out the breath he was holding, he took that as permission to start rocking his hips, moaning at the way it felt. “Fuck, so good.”

Alex couldn’t respond at all. He had his hands on Michael’s hips, but couldn’t do much to help, he was trying not to thrust up into him and cause him any pain. When Michael started moving with purpose, he shouted, and knew he was gripping him too tightly, but couldn’t let go.

_We’re not going to last to switch places._ Realizing that, Michael moved so that he was leaning back more, arms braced against Alex’s knees, forcing his cock against his prostate with almost every movement. 

Prying his eyes open when he felt Michael adjust, he was struck by the pleasure on his boyfriend’s face. He knew first-hand how good it felt in that position, and just held on as long as he could. “Michael,” he panted out, “I’m so close, fuck you feel good--”

“Baby,” he gasped out, “Touch me, please, I can’t--”

Alex wrapped his hand around Michael’s cock, moving quickly, wanting them to see him come like this. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Michael--” He lost the ability to speak when Michael’s orgasm had him clenching around him, and he followed him over the edge.

When Alex could open his eyes again, Michael was draped across his chest, panting, and he pushed his fingers through his sweat-soaked curls. “Sweetheart,” he managed to breathe out. “Okay?”

Michael wasn’t sure if he could talk yet, so he just nodded against Alex’s collarbone. His hands in his hair felt so good, and when he felt Alex’s warm hands on his back, he sighed happily. When speech was a possibility again, he said the first words that came to mind. “Oh my fucking god.”

Laughing softly, Alex wrapped both arms around him and squeezed. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” He knew somewhere in his brain that moving was a good idea, but he couldn’t work up the energy. “Thank you for being so careful.”

“You’re welcome sweetheart. I’ll always be careful.” _I want to erase all of those bad memories._ “Wanna take a shower and get some sleep?”

Michael forced himself to sit up, and acknowledged that he was sticky and gross in more areas than one. “Yah, shower seems prudent.”

Both of them were borderline asleep by the time they finished their shower, and just climbed into bed naked. Michael pillowed his head on Alex’s chest. “I love you so much baby.”

“I love you too,” Alex whispered. Hand in Michael’s hair, he fell asleep almost immediately.

Michael was awake for a few more moments, foggy brain feeling a little overwhelmed with love and wonder, before he followed Alex into slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'd just decided I was going to have Michael play Such Great Heights during this scene when Vlamis posted an Instagram story of himself playing the intro to the song on guitar, and I just about died. How perfect is that?
> 
> I have never made chilli. I don't even like chilli. I have no idea how this would taste other than spicy. My friends said it would be good, so that's my only recommendation. If you make it, let me know. I'm pretty sure there's an entire one-shot about the apron in my brain that's going to happen at some point lol.
> 
> I'm trying to move, and trying to find a new job, and trying to get a lot of stuff done irl, so if there's a long pause in posting, I promise, I'll be back as soon as I can! This universe is my happy place.
> 
> Chapter Title: Such Great Heights - Iron & Wine


	24. My Funny Valentine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead! My life has been crazy, and things continue to be crazy, but I finished this chapter! *collapses*

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/sailorchiron/50486006512/in/dateposted-public/)

Before they knew it, they were almost a month into their second semester of college, the first exams were coming up, and Valentine’s day was looming. Despite their earlier agreement to not buy each other presents, Alex really _wanted_ to buy Michael a present, and didn’t know what he should buy. Michael had always lived a spartan existence, and just didn’t _want_ stuff. He was always happy to make do with what he had, and felt like he was living in relative luxury in their tiny room with its few creature comforts. Alex could think of plenty of things he’d like to have, and had probably complained about _not_ having them without even thinking about it, but Michael very seldom complained. Not seriously, anyway. He complained about the weather, the quality of the dining hall food, how loud their neighbors were - but not about wanting things.

_I really want to buy him some kind of jewelry,_ Alex thought to himself. _I don’t know if he’d wear it, though. I just like the idea of him wearing something I gave him for everyone to see._ Jewelry would definitely be classier than hickeys. He looked over at Michael, who was at his desk doing homework, and ached with how much he loved him. The real luxury in Alex’s life was to be able to get up from his computer science homework and kiss Michael _right now_ and he’d just kiss him back. 

As he often did when he was stuck on something, Alex decided to text Liz and Maria.

_Alex: WTF SHOULD I GET MICHAEL FOR VALENTINES DAY_

_ Alex: I want to get him jewelry_

_ Alex: But idk if hed wear it _

_ Maria: If you gave it to him, he’d wear it._

_ Alex: I dont want him to do that_

_ Alex: I want him to like want to wear it_

_ Liz: Does he wear any jewelry now?_

_ Alex: No but hes never had any_

_ Alex: I cant see him buying it_

_ Alex: And no one has given him any_

_ Maria: I don’t know where your brain is, but NOT a ring._

_ Alex: 😂_

_ Alex: No rings rn_

_ Alex: We want to get married_

_ Alex: No rings till one of us proposes_

_ Liz: No promise rings? 😉_

_ Alex: Lol no_

_ Alex: For real tho Michael likes to work on cars_

_ Alex: And build stuff_

_ Alex: No rings_

_ Maria: Bracelet? Watch?_

_ Liz: Masculine bracelets are easy to find_

_ Alex: I thought about that_

_ Alex: Like making a bracelet_

_ Alex: But thats lame_

_ Liz: What about like an ID bracelet? _

_ Maria: That could look manly and pretty at the same time!_

_ Alex: Theyre really expensive_

_ Alex: Id want to get it engraved and stuff_

_ Alex: And in real silver or gold_

_ Maria: You only want to buy him nice things because you love him._

_ Alex: Exactly_

_ Alex: I think hed like a watch but nice ones are so much money_

_ Alex: I dont want to just get him one at walmart_

_ Liz: You can get a nice necklace for not a lot of money_

_ Liz: Maybe a silver chain?_

_ Liz: Not too expensive but obviously a romantic gesture_

_ Maria: He’d probably wear a leather necklace too._

Alex turned their suggestions over in his mind. 

_Alex: I feel like a silver chain would be more special_

_ Alex: Precious metals and stuff_

_ Maria: There are millions of places to buy a silver chain in ABQ._

_ Alex: Lol ikr_

_ Liz: What’s ikr?_

_ Alex: I know right_

_ Maria: YouTube videos are ruining your vocabulary._

_ Alex: I wish there was a middle finger emoji_

_ Alex: I told Michael I was going to use my degree to program emojis_

_ Alex: Instead of intelligence or space exploration_

_ Liz: That’s more important, honestly_

_ Liz: Who cares about going to Mars if we have more emojis?_

_ Alex: I KNOW RIGHT_

_ Liz: We need a burrito and a taco_

_ Maria: Eyeroll, middle finger, nauseated face…_

_ Alex: See_

_ Alex: Let the russians attack_

_ Alex: Well have text burritos_

_ Liz: Priorities right? 😂_

_ Maria: Are the Russians really planning to attack?_

_ Alex: Idk_

_ Alex: But my dad doesnt trust them_

_ Alex: He says all of there pro west propaganda is to distract from there real agenda_

_ Maria: *their_

_ Liz: Your dad also thinks there’s a gay agenda_

_ Alex: There is_

_ Liz: What is it LOL?_

_ Alex: Be gay_

_ Maria: Earth-shattering._

_ Alex: Its hard work_

_ Alex: lots of glitter_

_ Liz: HAHAHAHAHA_

_ Maria: Why do I put up with you?_

_ Alex: Every gay man needs a hot girl best friend_

_ Alex: And I have 2_

_ Liz: What do you call a gay man’s hot girl best friend?_

_ Alex: Fag hag duh_

_ Alex: Dont you have the internet_

_ Maria: A fag hag is SINGLE and I’m not staying in that state, thank you._

_ Liz: 😂 😂 😂_

“I had no clue that your CS homework was that funny.”

Alex grinned as he turned to look at Michael. “I was texting with Liz and Maria. Liz didn’t know the term ‘fag hag’ and Maria was highly offended that I was assuming she’d stay single to be my fag hag.”

Michael was laughing. “What the fuck is a ‘fag hag’?

“Oh, it’s a gay guy’s girl best friend who does everything with him. Usually both parties are single, but it’s not a requirement.”

“That’s kind of a degrading term.”

“It does sound that way, doesn’t it? I’ve never called Liz or Maria that, but it’s a generally accepted term.”

“I see.” Michael took in Alex’s sparkling eyes and happy smile. “What were you texting them about that was so funny?”

“How I’m going to give up my promising career in intelligence to design emojis. And the gay agenda.”

“What’s the gay agenda?” Michael laughed.

“You’re not going to believe this,” Alex began, “But it’s to be gay.”

“That’s it?” When Alex nodded, Michael laughed. “Elegantly simple.”

“I know, right? It seems easy. Sadly, it’s not.”

Michael sobered. “There are a lot of homophobic assholes out there.”

“Yah. Like, all I want to do is have a normal life and some people don’t think I deserve it because I’m attracted to men.”

“You do deserve it, baby.”

Alex smiled at Michael’s serious reassurance, and got up to settle himself in his boyfriend’s lap. “So do you. We’ll have a nice, normal life together.” He pressed a kiss to Michael’s smiling lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too. We’ll have as normal a life as we can.”

“Not too normal, I mean, I don’t want it to be _boring._ Just relatively normal.”

“Relatively normal is good. Safe and relatively normal.”

“We’ll be safe.” Alex squeezed Michael tightly and kissed him again. “We’ll have interesting jobs that make plenty of money, a nice house, foster kids, and get a dog. I’ll teach you how to ski, you can teach me how to take care of a car, we’ll cook together and fall asleep in a big, comfy bed at night.”

“You are the most adorable person I have ever met, Alex. I love you, and I love your rosy plans for our future.”

“I love you, and I love making romantic plans for our future.” He rubbed their noses together, making Michael laugh. “No matter what happens, as long as we’re together, it will be okay.”

Michael bit back his immediate response, that if they were together in captivity or together and dead, that would not be okay. He was realistic to the point of cynical, and these were Alex’s daydreams. _No reason to shit on them, he knows what I’m afraid of._ “Together sounds good, baby.” He tightened his arms around Alex and pressed his face against his chest, breathing in his calming scent, and put dire thoughts out of his head. 

“I have a question for you about fostering kids.”

He looked up. Alex just looked curious, not worried or scared. “What?”

“Can you actually _adopt_ kids if their parents can’t get their shit together? Or for any reason, really?”

“You can,” Michael answered, warmth blooming in his chest. “Would you want to adopt?”

Alex nodded. “If we were fostering kids we really loved, and knew they weren’t going to be able to go back to a good home, or any home, I’d want them to stay with us.” He was pretty sure Michael was glowing. “What if...I know a lot of times families get separated, but what if we could offer to take brothers and sisters, so they didn’t get split up? We’d want to keep them together, and they could stay with us.” When Michael teared up, Alex brushed the drops from his cheeks. “We just have to make sure we buy a big enough house.”

Overwhelmed, Michael wrapped his arms around Alex and buried his face in the soft fabric of his sweater. “Alex.”

He gently worked his fingers into Michael’s hair, soothing him, and whispered, “Your dreams are my dreams, too. We’ll make it happen, sweetheart.” 

“I thought that might be too much to ask.”

“No, of course not. We’ll only be limited by the number of bedrooms we have, hm? And the rules the state has.” Alex smiled as he pressed his face into Michael’s curls. “We can give them all the things we didn’t have, and teach them all the things we think are important. Like how to ride a skateboard and why leopard print is _not_ a neutral.”

Alex’s sweet-natured ridiculousness pulled Michael out of his tears into happy laughter, and he smiled up into his dark eyes. “We’ll warn them that their Aunt Maria tells lies and not to trust her fashion or decorating advice.” 

“If we have girls, we’ll have to be twice as careful, she can be really convincing about clothes, hair, and makeup.”

Michael’s phone buzzed and he turned enough to grab it. “That was a weather alert, there’s going to be snow.”

“Awesome, I love snow.”

“You would.” He thought about working in the scrapyard with his ‘dad’ in the snow and how cold his fingers had been. “I’m glad it doesn’t snow that much here.”

“Yah, not many blizzards in the desert. There’s no way you can convince me to move to like, New York or Massachusetts. That’s too much fucking winter.”

“Way too much fucking winter,” Michael agreed, laughing. “Do you want to go to dinner before it starts snowing?”

Alex nodded and eased himself off Michael’s lap. “Yah, let me text Maria and see if she’s ready to go.” He crossed the tiny space and picked up his phone to text the girl in question. “Did you see how much snow they’re expecting?”

“Looks like two inches.”

“That’s still kind of a lot for Albuquerque.” He looked at his phone. “Maria’s on her way down.”

The first flakes were drifting down when they left the dining hall. The wind was cold, but they all agreed that it hadn’t been cold enough lately for the snow to stick on the roads and sidewalks. Zoey joked that she hoped they canceled classes knowing full well that it wouldn’t happen. 

While Michael was using the bathroom, Alex sent a text to Junko.

_Alex: I need you for a secret mission_

He waited for his friend and lab partner to reply.

_Junko: I’m not a ninja just because I’m Japanese. That’s a harmful stereotype._

_Alex: 😂_

_Alex: Not that kind of mission _

_Alex: I want to get Michael a v day present_

_Alex: Can you drive me tomorrow_

_Alex: Hell be in lab until 4_

_Junko: Oh, that’s a mission I can join, but you have to buy me coffee._

_Alex: Its a deal_

_Junko: What time?_

_Alex: I have piano until 130, so after that _

_Junko: I get out of class at 1:50, do you want me to meet you at your dorm?_

_Alex: Perfect_

_Alex: Youre the best_

_ Junko: I’m well aware of that fact._

“Everything okay? You’re making a sarcastic face.”

Alex looked up. “My face can look sarcastic?”

“Apparently yes.”

“I was texting Junko,” he laughed.

“Ah, it was the emo-to-emo connection face.”

“Um, no, Junko is not emo, she’s goth/visual kei.”

“I’m not going to ask for an explanation of the difference.” Michael laughed when Alex rolled his eyes. “Remember, ‘chill dude chic’ is my style, it’s very simple, jeans, shirts, etc.”

“My style is pretty chill these days, too.” Alex hadn’t been putting a lot of effort into complex outfits, he’d been throwing on his favorite jeans with hoodies and sweaters. They’d gone on a couple of little dates where he’d dressed up and done his makeup, but comfort had completely taken precedence over fashion as the school year had gone on.

“Do you think we’ll ever be the guys wearing pajama pants to class?”

He considered that. “If I have more 7:30 classes, I might. But not the palm tree pants,” Alex qualified, “They’re too ridiculous and don’t match with anything. Plaid pants, though, those I can see wearing to class.”

“Well, we have worn them to the dining hall, so it’s not too much of a stretch to wear them to class.”

“Even the palm tree pants have made it to the dining hall.” He pulled Michael closer and kissed him softly. “Do you have more homework to finish?”

He nodded, yawning. “I need to finish my pre-lab. Nice thing about having Krista, Jenny, and Jaime as lab partners, we can count on each other to actually do the damn thing.” 

“Not having loser lab partners must be a dream after last semester.”

“I’m so glad I’ll never see those fuck heads again.” Michael accepted the tight hug from Alex and happily returned it. “Waste of fucking DNA.”

“Liz pointed out once that we share like 80% of our DNA with bananas, so they could have just been bananas and saved us all the trouble.”

“What the fuck?” Michael laughed. “Okay, yah, they would have been better off as bananas.”

“The world would have been better off,” Alex agreed, laughing. “I bet they would have been nasty, bland, stringy bananas.”

“They’d turn brown super fast.”

“Grow mold the second day, before you could even make banana bread.”

“Caden and Leon would even suck in banana form, but at least they’d do less fucking damage.” _I love watching Alex laugh._ “Do you have more homework?”

Alex shook his head. “No, I finished my only homework before dinner. Would you be annoyed if I took a shower and just lounged in bed until you’re done with your pre-lab?”

“Nah, go for it.” He kissed him. “I won’t be too long on the pre-lab.”

“K.” 

As soon as Alex was in the bathroom, Michael grabbed his phone.

_Michael: DeLuca is Alex getting me a Valentine’s present?_

He waited impatiently for her to reply.

_Maria: Why should I tell you?_

_ Michael: Because I want to buy him one and he’ll feel like shit if he didn’t get me anything._

_ Maria: That’s excellent logic and A+ consideration. Good job, Guerin._

_ Michael: Gee thanks. _

_ Maria: And yes, he’s planning to get you a present. You’re difficult to shop for._

_ Michael: He’s complained about that several times lol._

_ Maria: Any thoughts on what you want to get him?_

Michael was instantly suspicious.

_Michael: Why do you need to know?_

_ Maria: Because if you get a heart balloon and a teddy bear he’ll be disappointed._

_ Michael: Oh. I wasn’t planning that, no. That seems lame and cheap._

_ Maria: He’s planning a nice gift for you, he’s been agonizing over it._

_ Michael: Damn it. Even if he just got me a bear and a balloon it would be enough._

_ Maria: He loves you a ridiculous amount. He wants something meaningful for you._

_ Michael: Well I feel the same way._

_ Michael: I have some ideas. If I send you pics will you tell me if they’re on par?_

_ Michael: I don’t want to spend way more than Alex. He’d feel bad even if I don’t care._

_ Maria: Oh, sure. That’s a good idea. _

Michael pulled up the pictures he’d saved online of things he wanted to get his boyfriend. Jewelry, since it was a thing to give your significant other jewelry, and Alex wore a lot of it anyway. In particular, he was looking at bracelets, since he really liked them and usually had one on. He sent the pictures and waited for Maria to respond.

_Maria: Perfect. These are all good choices, by the way. He’d love them._

_ Michael: Good. #4 is my favorite._

_ Maria: I think he’d like #2 more._

He looked at the pictures again. Maybe the second bracelet _was_ better. It was a silver chain with an infinity symbol in the center. Most of those were very feminine, but this one was sort of gender neutral. Not too chunky, not too dainty.

_Michael: Okay thanks. I’ll get that one._

_ Maria: Prepare yourself for tears._

_ Michael: I’ll have kleenex on hand._

He looked up when the bathroom door opened and groaned. “How am I supposed to do homework when you walk in here in just a towel?”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “I’m going to take the towel off, too.”

Michael got up from his chair and crossed the small space to put his hands on Alex’s hips. “Mm, can I help with that?”

“If you help, you won’t get your pre-lab done.”

Sighing, Michael pulled away. “Damn it.” He tickled Alex’s side when he laughed at him. “Fine, I’ll be responsible and do homework instead of taking that towel off of you with my teeth.”

Alex laughed. “I’ll save you the mouthful of towel fuzz and just take it off myself, how’s that?” He dropped it and turned around to get underwear out of the dresser. 

“Your ass is a work of art.”

“It’s all the running.”

“Tell me to shut up if I complain about you going for a run.”

“I’ll just moon you as a reminder.”

Michael cracked up but sat back down in his chair. “Okay, let me get this done.”

Alex quickly put on pj’s and went to kiss the side of Michael’s neck. “Love you.”

“Love you too, baby.” He tipped his head back against Alex’s body and smiled up at him. “This will probably take like half an hour.”

“Okay.” Alex leaned over to give him an upside down kiss. “You know where to find me when you’re done.”

It ended up taking a lot longer than half an hour. Eventually Michael and his three amigos got on Skype together to try to figure out what they were doing wrong, and finally Jenny declared that there was clearly a mistake on the actual lab sheet because none of it made any sense. By the time they gave up, Alex was sound asleep, and Michael crawled in next to him with a disappointed sigh. _At least I get to sleep with him._

***

“You were right, this is really good.”

Junko raised an eyebrow. “We’ve talked about how often I’m right.”

Alex and Junko were at her favorite spot for coffee, a little family-owned shop in Old Town. There were plenty of stores that sold silver jewelry within walking distance. “Yah, yah, you’re always right.”

“Well, maybe not _always,”_ Junko clarified. “Just most of the time.”

“You agree with me that leopard print isn’t a neutral, that’s the most important thing,” Alex joked. 

“I hate animal print.” She reached around in her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief with bunnies on it. “Unless it’s a print of animals.”

“That’s different.”

“So what exactly do you want to get for Michael?”

Alex sipped his coffee. “I want to get him a nice silver chain to wear that will show with a shirt if he wants it to, but will fit under a shirt if he doesn’t want it to. Not, like, a big, manly looking chain, but not a little dainty chain either. It has to look good on its own, I don’t think Michael would wear a pendant.”

“At least I know you’ve put thought into it. Do you know how long it should be?”

“I estimated from using one of mine. His neck is bigger than mine, but I think an 18” chain would be perfect.”

“So we have a very small selection to choose from.”

“Probably.” He sighed. “I know. I just want it to be perfect. What do you want to get Ken?”

Junko set her coffee down. “Your necklace idea just inspired me. I’ve never gotten Ken jewelry before, I think he’d like a necklace or bracelet.” She smiled, and in Alex’s opinion, it changed her entire face. “He really loves Native American culture, I think I’ll get him something authentic.”

“I’m sure we can find him something cool.”

The previous night’s snow was long gone under the overcast afternoon sky, and Alex and Junko bundled up against the bracing wind. There was more snow in the forecast but it was unlikely to accumulate. They walked briskly from store to store, looking at what was available. In the first store, Junko made a note of a necklace that she really thought Ken would like, it was just a small silver arrowhead on a silver chain; he wasn’t a showy person, and it was subtle. Alex liked one of the chains he saw, but it was obviously inexpensive, the links weren’t uniform and the clasp looked like it would break easily. It was a pity, too, since it was a cool design. In the second store, Junko found another possibility, a bigger silver pendant, this time in the shape of a feather, but with an inlay of polished stone in turquoise, purple, and gold. It was really beautiful, Alex almost wanted it for himself. That store really only had super fine, very delicate chains and big, chunky ones that looked like they could be used to tow a trailer if needed. Store three didn’t have anything either of them liked for their significant others, but Junko bought herself a small, beaded leather pouch, confessing that she had a serious problem with collecting small bags and couldn’t resist it. Snow was starting to drift down when they left store number four empty handed.

“I don’t know, Alex, do you want to try one more store, or go back to the ones we’ve already been to and get the things we saw there?”

He looked up at the sky. “Okay, one more. Then I’ll buy the best of the chains I’ve seen so far.”

Store five was quieter than the others, and smaller, and smelled pleasantly of cedar and sage. Alex immediately grabbed a pair of silver earrings that he knew Maria needed, she’d be tickled to get a present. Junko also found some she liked, hammered silver snakes with chips of stone for eyes. A long, velvet-lined tray of chains was near the back counter, and they eagerly looked over the offerings. They’d been arranged by size and Alex looked through them carefully. “Junko, what do you think of this one?” He teased the chain out of the tray and held it up to himself. “I don’t know what this link is called or anything, but it’s like a cross between elegant and heavy machinery.”

She laughed. “I like it, I think Michael would like it, too.”

He held onto it for a minute while he looked at others, but this one just said ‘Michael’ as much as jewelry could. It would look so pretty against his skin, too, silver looked good on everyone. “I think I’m going to get this one.”

“I think I’m going to get Ken the necklace that we saw at the second store.” 

“Of course you are. Let’s check out.”

The clerk was a kind older woman who wanted to talk about the pieces they were buying. “These snakes are only sold here, my nephew is the artist. He makes a very expensive version for his gallery in Santa Fe with rubies and emeralds for eyes, but these little snakes he always saves for me.” She wrapped them up in tissue and put them in a tiny paper bag for Junko. 

Alex’s choices had stories too. “These earrings are one of a kind, my nephew loves hummingbirds and wanted to try to capture them in silver. He didn’t like them, but I think they’re lovely.” He was pretty sure Maria would like the story as much as the earrings. “And a 1mm sterling curb chain. For yourself, or a gift?”

Curb chain. Okay. “Um, a gift. For Valentine’s Day.”

“He must be a lucky boy, it’s a very nice necklace.” She wrapped Alex’s jewelry and put it in two tiny bags. “Be mindful of the snow, and have a good evening.”

Outside the store, Alex pondered the interaction. “Is it really obvious that I was going to give it to a boyfriend and not, like, a girlfriend or brother or something?”

“Alex, you’re wearing lip gloss.”

“Point taken.”

Snow was coming down in earnest when they got to Junko’s car after buying Ken’s gift. When she dropped Alex off at campus, he made her promise to text him when she got home, since people lost all ability to drive in the snow.

Michael was still at lab when he let himself into the room. He weighed his choices, to hide the presents immediately, or to show them to Maria immediately. It was a difficult choice. 

_Okay, I have to show Maria, it’ll be at least 45 minutes before Michael gets back._

_Alex: COME SEE WHAT I GOT FOR MICHAEL_

_Alex: Like right now_

_Maria: You’re so fucking needy. Be right there._

Alex took the few minutes before Maria got there to take off his shoes and use the bathroom. She looked extremely comfortable in kitten-print leggings and a hoodie she’d clearly stolen from an old boyfriend. “Junko and I were just talking about how the only kind of animal print that’s okay is a print of animals.”

“These are ridiculously soft, they’re from the same people as the palm tree pants. I don’t care what the pattern is.”

“God I love those pants.” Alex opened the bag with Michael’s present. “Here, what do you think of this chain?”

She looked at the very nice silver chain, not quite ‘fine’ jewelry, but very nice. “It’s beautiful, Alex, I think Michael will really like it. It’s just the right balance of manly and understated.” 

“Thanks,” he answered, relieved. “That’s what I was hoping. I thought it was perfect.”

“It is. What’s in the other bag?”

“It’s for you, you can open it.”

Maria’s eyes opened wide and she smiled. “You got _me_ a Valentine’s present? And I can open it _early?”_

Alex laughed. “Yes, open it. Tell me what you think.” He rewrapped Michael’s chain in tissue paper and put it back in the little bag. “I thought they were really _you_ when I saw them at the store.”

The earrings were indeed silver hummingbirds, but they were designed so that the little birds’ beaks connected to shell flowers at the ends of long chains that pulled through the ear. Each bird had its wings spread and tail fanned, and details like the wing edges and a suggestion of feathers were picked out with gold. The flowers had been dusted with something iridescent and dabbed with gold. It was obvious to Alex that the only reason he could afford them for Maria was that the artist hated them, as the old woman had said.

“Oh… Oh my god, Alex, these are fantastic! They’re beautiful!” Maria spun around to the mirrored closet door and put them on. “These are _amazing!” _

“They look great on you.” Alex accepted an enthusiastic hug from his best friend. “The lady that sold them told me her nephew made them and decided he hated them.”

“Dude, he’s crazy.”

“It’s for your benefit, he apparently has a really expensive gallery in Santa Fe, and his aunt sells his rejects.” He smiled when she laughed. “Junko got some cool snake earrings, he sells a fancy version with gemstones at his gallery, but these he makes just for the store, with chips of turquoise for the eyes.”

“That’s so cool! Thank you so much!” Maria flung herself at Alex and he caught her, laughing. 

“Okay, now you have to hide them so Michael doesn’t know I went shopping for him, I want it to be a surprise.” He watched as she carefully took the earrings out and put them back in the bag. “I know there’s not a chance in hell that he doesn’t know I got him a present, but I don’t want him to guess what it is.”

Maria laughed. “He texted me to make sure you were getting him a present before he bought you one. He figured you’d feel like a dick if he got you a present and you hadn’t gotten him one.”

“That’s exactly how I would feel, like a total dick.” Alex looked at his phone. “Okay, Michael will be home in a few minutes, go hide the earrings in your room.” He quickly tucked Michael’s chain into the bottom drawer of his desk. “I have to make it look like I’ve been laying around all afternoon.”

“That won’t be hard.” She deliberately messed up his hair. “Perfect.”

“I’m sure it doesn’t look any different, that’s the beauty of wearing your hair in a messy style.”

“Yah, you’re going to need to go smash it into the pillow to really sell it. Text me when you want to go to dinner.”

As soon as Maria left, Alex changed into pajama pants and climbed into bed. It felt amazing to just snuggle into the pillow, which still smelled like dryer sheets but also like Michael.

The boy in question let himself in about ten minutes later with a sigh. “I’m so fucking tired.”

Alex propped himself up to look over the edge of the bed. “You were up really late, I’m not surprised. What happened with the lab?”

“It had the values for a different lab on it. It was never going to be possible to do the pre-lab, so we did one experiment as a group and we all get credit.” Michael proceeded to strip down to a t-shirt and boxers. “I know it’s late, but can I interest you in a nap?”

“Get up here.” 

Michael wearily climbed up the ladder and dramatically collapsed on top of his boyfriend. “I’m tired.”

Laughing, Alex shoved Michael off to the side. “Get under the covers, come on.” He held up the blankets for him to crawl in, and tugged him down onto his chest. “Better?” He laughed again when Michael just groaned. “Want me to play with your hair, sweetheart?”

“You’re the best boyfriend in the world. Like seriously.” He moaned when Alex’s fingers started moving through his hair and massaging his scalp. “I love you.”

Alex chuckled. “I love you too. Go to sleep.”

***

“You are not going to fucking believe this.”

Alex looked up from his book. “What?”

Michael waved his phone. “Jaime just texted me, ‘Oh fuck tomorrow’s Valentine’s day can you take me to buy Sophia a present?’”

Alex cackled. “You’re wrong, I believe it. Are you going to take him? What can he possibly even _find_ the night before Valentine’s day?”

“Hopefully some flowers or chocolate or something, or Sophia is going to be pissed.” Michael sighed. “I’m going to take him shopping.”

“Go rescue Jaime from being a heterosexual male. I’ll just take a shower and keep reading.”

“I think it’s really cute when you get into a book and don’t want to do anything but read.”

“Really? Good to know.” Alex climbed out of bed so that he could give Michael a kiss goodbye. They always kissed and said ‘I love you,’ before one of them left, just in case it was the last time. When Michael started to pull away from the brief kiss, he reeled him back in, deepening it and running his hands up his arms and into his hair to hold him in place. When Alex decided the kiss was satisfactory, he pulled back to see Michael with his mouth open in shock as he slowly opened his eyes. 

“Damn. That’s a goodbye that makes me not want to leave.” When Alex giggled, he cupped his cheeks and kissed him again. “Love you baby, be back soon.”

“Love you too.” When Michael turned away, he caught his hand and pulled him back. “Changed my mind, I’m not done.” He swooped in with another deep, hungry kiss.

This time Michael wrapped his arms around him, holding Alex’s slender body close, hands roaming over his back. The bulk of his coat was in the way, keeping them from being pressed together, but it was still _so fucking good._ Kissing had never been like this with anyone else. Like it was enough, that he didn’t need to eat or sleep or fucking _breathe,_ all he needed to do was feel Alex’s lips and tongue and teeth and just _drown_ in him. When Alex released him this time, he had to breathe for a second before he could open his eyes. “Fuck.”

Alex laughed. “Go help Jaime, I’ll see you when you get back.”

Michael shook his head, making Alex laugh more. “Yah. Okay. Be right back.” _I hope I can get out the door and locate my truck._ He wasn’t sure if his synapses were actually sending and receiving electrochemical signals. _Okay, if I can remember the word ‘electrochemical,’ I can drive. I hope._

After watching Michael leave, highly amused by kissing him stupid, Alex made the tough choice to shower before he started reading again, or he just wouldn’t shower. He’d gone for a run before dinner, but hadn’t taken a shower out of abject hunger and had all but dragged Michael to the cafeteria. Now he felt gross, and kind of wondered if he should change the sheets after hanging out on the bed in his sweats. _Nah. We’re going to wreck them tonight anyway._

When Michael let himself back into the room, he saw that Alex was just where he expected, stretched out in bed with his book. It was hard to imagine how he had the concentration to focus on the book, because Hannah and Emily were having a full-on sorority party in their room, complete with screaming and loud music, and Dean and Seamus had a bunch of people screaming in their room with the TV blasting what sounded like a sports game. Doors were open up and down the hall with music and conversation pouring out. All of the girls that played soccer on the second floor had set up goals at either end of the hall and were kicking a ball around in the hall. In short, it was fucking loud.

“Hey sweetheart, did Jaime find something for Sophia?”

Michael grinned up at Alex while he got rid of his coat and shoes. “He’s the luckiest man alive, he found a bouquet of these pinkish orange roses that he said are her favorite, a box of chocolate on sale, and this Disney-themed makeup she hasn’t been able to find anywhere.”

Alex laughed. “That’s amazing, where did you go?”

“The Walgreens by campus. Seriously, those were the last flowers they had, there were only like three boxes of candy left, and the only complete make up set they had was Cinderella, which is Sophia’s favorite.” He started climbing the ladder to join Alex in bed.

“That’s really fucking lucky,” Alex agreed. “He should play the lottery.”

“He should.” Michael crawled up Alex’s body, smiling when he set his book aside to wrap his arms around him. “It’s loud up here tonight.” He lowered his head to press a kiss to Alex’s lips. He could smell the fresh scent of Alex’s lavender body wash.

Alex couldn’t hold back a satisfied ‘mmm’ when Michael was pressed against him. He pushed his fingers into his hair at first, but then slid his hands down Michael’s back to palm his ass and press them together. “It is really loud,” me purred against Michael’s lips before kissing him again.

Michael ground down against Alex, pleased to see that they were clearly on the same page about how to best use their time. “It would be a shame to waste it.”

“Mhm.” Alex slid his hands under Michael’s shirt and helped him pull it off. “A crying shame.” He pulled him back down for a kiss once the shirt had been thrown off the side of the bed. “What do you want?”

“I really want to fuck you. I’ve been thinking about it all fucking week.”

Alex chuckled, making it sound suggestive. “What a coincidence, I was really wanting you to fuck me.” He ran his nails up Michael’s back, grinning when he shivered and moaned. “Move so we can get naked.”

Laughing, Michael pulled himself up and moved to the side to get his jeans off, tossing them in the general direction of the floor. He helped Alex out of his track pants and the long sleeved t-shirt he was wearing. As sexy as he thought Alex looked in just a pair of black boxer briefs, he impatiently got rid of those too. As soon as the offending undergarments were over the side of the bed, Michael was on top of him, skin against skin, moaning softly before crushing their mouths together.

When he had to gasp for a breath, Michael asked, “How do you want it, baby?”

Alex pushed on his shoulders. When Michael moved, he turned over, and looked over his shoulder at Michael. “Hands and knees.”

Michael groaned. “Fuck.” The first (and only) time they’d done it this way, he’d been sure he was hurting Alex when he saw that he was biting his pillow. He’d stopped immediately, pulling an anguished shout out of his boyfriend’s throat as he explained that he was trying not to scream because it felt so fucking good. That had dissolved into begging and Michael had gotten back to business, trusting that Alex was okay. They’d had to agree not to try that position on a quiet afternoon again, because Alex could _not_ keep from screaming. “Well I guess it is loud enough in here.”

“Mhm.” Alex arched his back. The anticipation was almost as good as the act. “You don’t have to hold back, you know how much I can take now.”

“Fuck, Alex, the shit you say during sex drives me crazy.” Michael settled behind him, running his hands up his thighs. He knew Alex’s thighs were super ticklish, so didn’t tease him. He looked across the room at his desk and brought the lube to his hand. Looking at Alex’s beautiful body, though, he had an idea and decided just to go for it. He spread Alex’s cheeks, and mentalling wondering how loud he’d scream, licked over his hole with the flat of his tongue. 

Alex did, in fact, scream. “Oh my god, Michael--” He’d figured rimming would feel good, but fuck, his imagination was lacking. “Oh, oh fuck, yes,” he moaned out. Michael continued licking, and he begged a little. “More, fuck, Michael--”

He pulled away to grin for a split second before he continued. Pressing his tongue against the firm pucker and just inside was weird as fuck, but not bad, and Alex screaming was a huge bonus. He pushed his tongue in as much as he could, wiggling like he would if he was going down on a girl, and listened to Alex beg. 

“Oh, fuck, Michael don’t stop, please--”

“Shhh, hang on.” He squirted some lube onto his fingers and pressed them into his body, stretching him. Alex moaned and pushed back against his hand, but Michael wasn’t ready to fuck him yet, he just wanted him to be looser. As soon as his fingers were out of Alex’s ass, his tongue was taking their place, and he could go deeper and move more, listening to Alex scream again. 

“Michael,” Alex begged after a few minutes, breathless. “Michael, please, please fuck me--” 

“Fuck yes.” He felt around for the lube on the bed, frustrated when he couldn’t find it immediately. Alex was making impatient whiny noises that were really fucking hot. “There it is, fuck.” Michael slicked his cock and positioned himself at Alex’s entrance. When he heard another breathless, ‘please,’ out of Alex he pushed in, one hard thrust until he was fully seated.

Alex screamed again. “Yes, fuck--” He couldn’t hold himself up on his hands anymore, and lowered his shoulders to the mattress. It was the best possible decision he could have made. “Fuck, Michael!” He was fucking him hard, and every thrust was in just the right place. “Fuck, like that, oh my god--”

“Fuck, seeing you like this is so fucking hot, baby,” Michael moaned. Michael, personally, really didn’t like being on the receiving end in this position, but Alex clearly did, and Michael thought he’d need to look up words to describe just how fucking hot Alex looked. When he adjusted a little, Alex screamed again, and begged him to fuck him harder. “You’re going to be so sore.”

“I know, don’t care.” Every time he moved and felt that twinge he’d think about having sex again and it would drive him crazy in the best way the entire day. He moaned when Michael obliged him. His knees hurt a little and he had to adjust his own position, and somehow it got even _better,_ and he screamed again. “Harder, please, please Michael--”

Michael was pretty sure he’d never fucked anyone this hard, and was kind of worried about it, but forgot entirely when Alex’s body suddenly clenched around him, and he came with another loud shout. He was so startled by it that he didn’t have time to blink before his orgasm rushed over him in a wave of pleasure. He tumbled down on top of Alex when the other boy’s knees gave out. 

Alex felt like the room was spinning, or that he might be floating, even though he also felt like he was being smooshed into the bed. He felt _amazing._ Coming back down from an orgasm with Michael on top of him was absolutely the best feeling in the world. He hummed happily when he felt Michael shift a little. “Love you.”

That pulled a tiny chuckle out of Michael. He was squishing Alex in a really uncomfortable position and his only response was, ‘I love you.’ “I love you too, baby, let me move.” Alex’s soft little sigh when he pulled out always made him smile. Alex was almost to the edge of the bed, so he moved close to the wall. “You okay?”

“Mhm.” Alex forced himself to open his eyes. Michael was looking down at him with a bemused expression. “Gimme a minute.”

Michael laughed. He rested his head on Alex’s pillow and trailed his fingers up and down the other boy’s back. “That hit you hard.”

“Yah.” Alex managed to carefully shift onto his side. “Did you know that was possible? I didn’t think that was really possible.”

“You coming untouched?” Michael couldn’t help but grin. “I’ve never managed it before.”

Alex laughed and moved so that he could cuddle into Michael’s chest. “Proud of yourself?”

“A little, yah.” When he felt Alex laugh again, he kissed his sweaty hair. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” he answered. “I’m going to feel that in a little while, though.”

“Yah, you are.”

“Mhm. And every time I sit tomorrow I’ll think about you fucking me and by the time I get you alone again I’ll be ready to scream.”

Michael laughed. “You are the horniest person I have ever met.”

“I should put that in my email signature. ‘Alex Manes, horniest person Michael Guerin has ever met.’”

“I’m sure that would go over well with your potential employers.” He felt Alex relaxing against him. “Don’t fall asleep, baby, we’re absolutely disgusting and the sheets are obliterated.”

Alex laughed at that and forced himself to roll onto his back. “We should get another set of sheets. We wash the two sets we have too often and they’re going to fall apart.”

“We could stop fucking so often.”

“Bite your tongue.” He lifted his head when he heard their phones chime. “I wonder what Maria wants?”

Michael flopped himself sideways across Alex, making him laugh, and teased his phone out of his jeans pocket with telekinesis. “Let’s see what DeLuca has to say.”

_Maria: I’m bored and really want pancakes._

_ Maria: What are you guys up to?_

“Here, snuggle up to me, baby.” Michael snapped a picture of them looking extremely sated against the pillows and sent it.

_Maria: Do you two ever stop having sex?_

_ Michael: Occasionally. We have to eat and sleep. Go to class._

_ Michael: What’s up?_

Michael waited for Maria to reply, giggling when Alex kissed his neck. “Stop, you can’t be ready for more sex after that.”

“Can’t I, though?”

_Maria: Let’s go to IHOP. I want pancakes._

“Wanna go to IHOP for pancakes?”

Alex groaned. “Oh my god that sounds amazing. Yes.”

_Michael: Okay let us shower and we’ll go._

_ Maria: Don’t take too long. Translation: Don’t fuck again in the shower._

“Maria is accusing us of using our shower time for more sex.”

“Well, you did prove that you can hold me against the wall to fuck me in the shower.”

“This is true.” 

_Michael: Wouldn’t dream of it._

_ Maria: *eye roll emoji*_

“Shower time?”

Alex stretched and brought his hand down in an arc to cup Michael’s cheek. “Definitely. But come here so I can kiss you first.” Michael’s lips were so soft. He’d shaved and his skin was warm and smooth. “I love you more than all the stars in the sky.”

Michael smiled down into Alex’s eyes. “I love you more than anything in the universe.” He dropped a soft kiss on his forehead. “Come on, shower.”

They nobly resisted the urge to snuggle and kiss and wash each other out of consideration for Maria’s need for carbs and companionship. They both dressed quickly once they were out, and headed up to Maria’s room to get her.

“Amazing, you didn’t spend an eternity in the shower,” she quipped when she answered the door.

“Maria, have we ever kept you waiting for hours while we messed around in the shower? Like, ever?” Alex shook his head. “I know you’re just trying to give us crap, but you’re kinda making it sound like we’re shitty friends who blow you off to fuck when you’re expecting us to hurry.”

She was instantly contrite. “Oh, Alex, no, I was just giving you crap.” She hugged him tightly, then hugged Michael. “You’re both considerate, I’m sorry.”

“Are you hangry?” Michael teased. “I’ve seen you when your blood sugar drops, you’re brutal.”

Maria gave Michael a look, but sighed. “Okay, that’s probably part of it.”

It was freezing outside, and Maria snuggled up against Michael in the truck on the way to IHOP. “You’re warm, Guerin,” she argued when he told her to lean on Alex because she was making it hard to drive. “Alex is cold like 100% of the time, I’ll probably lose body heat to him.”

In retaliation, Alex flopped over on top of her where she was leaning against Michael. “I’m freezing, let me have some of your body heat Maria.” Michael was laughing at them, and he knew it was because he was distracting Maria from asking why Michael was so warm. “Better yet, trade me places so I can steal yours and Michael’s.”

“You guys are so fucking dramatic,” Michael laughed, annoyed and amused at the same time. 

“We should keep a blanket in the cab,” Alex suggested. “Your heater just isn’t up the task of keeping Maria and I warm.”

“That’s actually a good idea,” Michael agreed. “If we had car trouble in this weather, we’d get really cold waiting for help.” 

“The truck blankets are clean on the floor of your closet, we just need to bring them out.”

“You have blankets just for your truck?”

Michael shifted uncomfortably. “I used to live in my truck. So, yah. Blankets and sleeping bags. Not nice ones,” he added, “But they were free.”

The truck was quiet for a minute. “That’s...I’m sorry, Guerin.”

He shrugged. “I’m okay, DeLuca. I’m pretty sure I won’t have to live in it again.”

“No, absolutely not,” she declared, outraged. “No matter what happens, you have friends who will give you a place to live. Don’t you dare think that we’d ever let you live in your truck.”

“Well, I would hope that was the case,” Michael laughed, uncomfortable, but trying to cover it.

“Um, hello, _I_ will never allow you to be homeless, thank you very much.” Alex reached over Maria to squeeze Michael’s thigh. “I love you, and we are absolutely going to stick together, and we will always have a place to live.”

“Love you too, baby.” He took his hand off the wheel long enough to take Alex’s and squeeze. “This conversation got way too heavy.”

“There’s IHOP, we can shift our focus to pancakes.” 

Since it was Friday night, IHOP was crowded, and they had to wait a little while for a table. The restaurant was festooned with cheap, ugly Valentine’s decorations and Maria expressed her distaste. “I hate Valentine’s day.”

“Only because this is the first one you’ve ever had without a date.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s not it.”

Alex laughed. “That’s totally it. You always have a date for Valentine’s day.” He laughed again when she sighed. “This is the first Valentine’s day where I’ve had a date, so this year I’m a big fan.”

“Where are you guys going?” Maria asked. “If you haven’t already made reservations, it might be McDonald’s.”

“Give me a little more credit than that, DeLuca,” Michael laughed. “I made reservations a week ago.”

“Good job, Guerin. Where are you guys going?”

“The sushi place where we went for Thanksgiving.” Alex smiled at Michael. “He surprised me.”

“I hate to tell you guys this, but if you already know, Alex, it’s not a surprise.”

Michael cracked up. “We had to coordinate to make sure we didn’t both make reservations somewhere trying to surprise the other. I’d already made them, so it was still a surprise, just a little early.”

“And I was going to book them at the same place, so it worked out perfectly.”

“You guys are so gross. Fuck Valentine’s day.”

The hostess called them for a table at that moment, interrupting Maria’s grumpiness. They got a booth, everyone’s preference, and stripped off their coats and settled in. All three asked for hot chocolate.

“Aren’t you and all the single girls getting together tomorrow night?”

Maria nodded. “We’re having Galentine’s day dinner at La Marguerite. We’re getting dressed up, like, formals dressed up, and living like queens for one night. I think the goal after that is go find an 18+ club to go party at in hopes of getting the male attention we’re all lacking.”

Alex and Michael both laughed. “Isn’t Angelina a lesbian though?”

“She’s going for the lack of female attention. I mean, she gets tons of female attention, but the wrong kind, none of us are gay or bi.”

“Who knows, maybe you’ll run into another Galentine’s group and she’ll meet another lonely lesbian in a group of straight girls,” Michael laughed. 

“It could happen. Lots of single girls around town.”

After they’d eaten, Michael excused himself to use the restroom, leaving Alex at Maria’s mercy. “So, it’s been _far_ too long since I interrogated you on your sex life.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “What else can you possibly want to know about gay sex?”

“Not any gay sex,” she clarified, _“Your_ gay sex. Are things okay? Are _you_ okay? Does he ever let you top, are you--”

“Wait, wait, ‘let’? ‘Let me top’?” Alex gave Maria a look. “What do you think this is, a sex dictatorship where I have to beg for what I want?”

“Well, I just--”

“No, Maria, just, no. There’s no ‘let’ anywhere in the relationship. We just talk about what we want, and then do that.” He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “‘Let me top.’”

“Hey, the last time we talked, you hadn’t.”

“That was a while ago.”

Maria raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so you have?”

Alex blushed, but still rolled his eyes. “Yes, we have. We’re probably about 50/50 on top and bottom. Or,” he laughed, “Maybe more like 60/40.”

She digested that. “But the sex is good, though? You’re still happy?”

“Well, considering how many times he made me scream just now, I’d say yes.”

Michael chose that moment to return to the table, kissing Alex on the top of his head before he sat down. “What did I miss? You’re blushing.”

Alex leaned close to whisper in Michael’s ear. “Tell her how many times you made me scream.”

He threw his head back and laughed before meeting Maria’s gaze. “At least seven.” 

She blinked a couple of times, looking reluctantly impressed. “Your neighbors must hate you.”

“The second floor was so loud that we had nothing to worry about,” Michael laughed. “I hope no one was planning to sleep tonight, it was a party from one end of the hall to the other when we left.”

“I’d lose my shit if it was that loud on the fourth floor.”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “You and Zoey are the loudest people on the floor.”

“I strongly disagree. The girls across the hall are _so_ much louder. And they have terrible taste in music.”

“Do the soccer girls ever play in the hall?”

“Yes, and the field hockey girls.” Maria rolled her eyes. “I like the party atmosphere and all, but I’d rather live off campus.”

“Same,” Alex agreed. “I can’t wait to get an apartment.” He leaned against Michael. “And a bigger bed.”

Michael slid his arm around Alex’s shoulders and kissed the side of his head. “Snuggling without the threat of falling out of bed sounds great.” 

“A kitchen, a bigger closet, we’ll have to get a dresser somehow.”

Maria laughed. “I think I’ll probably bring my furniture from home up here, just keep an air bed at Mom’s for when I visit.”

“Yah, not going to bring my ugly Air Force dresser and the twin bed I’ve had since I was 5. Craigslist, garage sales, cheap stuff.” Alex sighed. “We can wait a little while to get nice furniture. A real bed is my number one priority.” 

“Once we get jobs we can slowly upgrade stuff.” Michael yawned. “You guys ready to head back?”

Alex and Maria both yawned in response and laughed. “Yah, sleep sounds good. I’m glad we changed the bed before we left, I just want to pass out.”

“Me too.”

“Hey,” Maria interjected, “Zoey got a set of sheets from her grandmother that she really hates, do you want them? She’s looking for someone to pawn them off on.”

“What do they look like?” 

“They’re a color I can’t describe with white polka dots.”

“Okay, we have to see this indescribable color first, then we’ll decide.”

“Baby, who cares what color they are?”

Alex poked his boyfriend in the side. “There is such a thing as too ugly.”

On the ride back to the dorms, Alex managed to get the middle seat by unfair means, and gleefully leeched Michael’s body heat (and gloated about it). Maria only tolerated it because she loved how Michael had brought back the light-heartedness Alex had lost in high school. The abuse and bullying had sent him to a dark place, and seeing him so effortlessly happy was worth freezing against the cold door of the truck. 

They went up to Maria's room to look at the indescribable sheets, and they were the weirdest greyish color any of them had seen. Michael decided they should take them for emergencies, and Zoey happily bequeathed the weird polka dot sheets to them. Alex wondered aloud where her grandmother had found such strange sheets, and Zoey supplied the answer that she did a lot of shopping at discount stores.

Both boys were happy to change to pajamas and crawl into bed, Alex complaining, “I ate too much, it’s late, and we had crazy sex. I’m exhausted.”

It didn’t take long to fall asleep snuggled together and supremely content with their little world.

***

Michael woke up on Valentine’s day with Alex sound asleep on his chest. He’d had one girlfriend on Valentine’s day, and managed to take her out. Ryan had desperately wanted to take him out on Valentine’s day sophomore year, but they hadn’t been able to think of a way to hide that it would be a date from his foster family. At school that day, Ryan had given him a rose and a small box of chocolates that they’d shared at the park after class. He’d told his foster parents that a random girl had given him the rose, and he’d kept it in a water glass by his bed until it wilted.

Love and relationships had always seemed so complicated and difficult before. The ins and outs of foster parents and the dramatic bullshit of high school seemed like distant memories, even though it had only been a few months since he graduated. Michael’s life had changed so much, first by coming to UNM and then by meeting Alex, that the sad, angry boy who he’d been before seemed like a different person. He had his cosmic boyfriend that he absolutely adored, he had amazing friends, and he was pretty sure he was set for life on emotional support. It was crazy how much easier tough things were when people loved you.

He slowly stroked his hand through Alex’s silky hair, not waking him. When he’d thought about his future, he’d always pictured himself with a girl, but every single thing about Alex felt _right._ Now when he pictured his future, it was _their_ future. He was just as in love with Alex’s day dreams of their house in Santa Fe as he was. Raising kids together. Getting a dog. Cooking for each other. Fighting over who had to take out the trash and empty the dishwasher. Going grocery shopping and doing yard work and taking vacations together. It was kind of wonderful to think that a future that ordinary was within reach, when Michael had never really thought past getting into UNM and avoiding government detection. 

When Alex stirred, Michael felt a little flutter of butterflies in his stomach. It never stopped. It still felt like this relationship was brand new and every minute was exciting and he hoped that never ended. He ran his fingers through Alex’s hair again, and heard him hum happily before kissing his chest. “Morning baby.”

Alex took a deep breath (something he’d never take for granted ever again) and snuggled into Michael’s embrace, stretching his right arm to go around his boyfriend to squeeze him tightly. “Love you.”

“Love you too. Happy Valentine’s day.”

“Happy Valentine’s day.” Alex couldn’t wipe the sappy smile off his face. “I have a boyfriend on Valentine’s day, this is amazing. My dad must be furious.” 

Michael laughed at that, and adjusted when Alex moved so they could look at each other across the pillow. “Isn’t your brother going to propose to his girlfriend today?”

“Oh yah!” He dug around in the pillows and blankets until he found his phone. “I’m going to tell him good luck.”

“You’re just the sweetest thing.”

Alex looked up from his phone. “You say that all the time, like every time I’m a decent person it’s surprising.”

“You’re not just a decent person, Alex, you’re really a sweetheart.”

He smiled at Michael, feeling loved. “Thank you.”

_Alex: Good luck today_

_ Alex: Any pics you wanna send me?_

He waited a minute for Flint to reply.

_Flint: Thanks little bro._

The next message was a picture of the engagement ring he’d picked. It was a slender gold band with a central oval diamond in a diamond halo. “Why do girls like these rings?” He held out the phone for Michael to look. “Doesn’t this look like diamond overload?”

“Does this mean I should take your Valentine’s day present back?”

“If it’s that ring, then yes,” Alex laughed.

_Alex: Its really sparkly_

_ Alex: Girls like sparkle_

_ Flint: I found out she had a pinterest board about this ring so I bought it._

_ Flint: The wedding band that matches is a diamond explosion._

_ Alex: Okay you know you cant mess up if she has a whole pinterest board about it_

_ Flint: That was my thought. I texted her best friend to make extra sure._

_ Flint: I’m going to propose at dinner._

_ Alex: Text me after for congrats or condolences _

_ Flint: Will do._

“He’s going to text me later with the results. She had a Pinterest board of that particular wedding ring plus he double checked with her best friend to ensure that it was the correct ring.”

“Well if she likes it, that’s all that matters.”

Alex nodded. “Yep. But, for the record, if you propose first, I don’t like diamonds with diamond halos.” 

Michael laughed. “Noted.” He cupped Alex’s cheek. “Come here, let me kiss you.”

“How rude of me, of course.” He dropped his phone to meet Michael in a sweet kiss. “I love you, sweetheart. I need to get up, though.”

“Yah, me too. Wanna go get breakfast?”

“Great idea.”

They put on their UNM hoodies over shirts and pajama pants and hurried to the dining hall, unwilling to deal with wearing coats when it was always so hot inside. Michael decided to make a waffle at the waffle bar, and topped it with literally everything; Alex got scrambled eggs and turkey sausage. After dropping his waffle at the table, Michael made another trip to get bacon _and_ sausage. 

“Someday, Michael, someday I will convince you to eat something that is marginally healthy.”

Michael licked whipped cream off his finger. “Never.”

Maria and Zoey wandered in about halfway through the boys’ meals, joining them with yawns and complaints about the weather. Alex had to laugh at that, since the reason they were annoyed that it was sunny was because it was ‘too bright’ whereas if it had been cloudy, it would probably have been ‘too dark’. “At least it’s not raining,” Alex had pointed out. “Going out in formals in the rain would suck.”

“There is that,” Zoey agreed. 

After breakfast, the girls went upstairs to start on hair and make up (it wasn’t even noon), and the boys went to the dim quiet of room 214. Unable to relax until it was picked up, Alex put their discarded clothes in the laundry basket, straightened everything on his desk, organized all of his school work and books, put away the shoes that had piled up under the bed, and hung his coat in the closet. Michael helped by staying out of the way. He didn’t argue when Alex put away _his_ coat and shoes or when he straightened the stuff on _his_ desk. He’d cleaned his stuff up himself at first, but realized that Alex needed to have things cleaned up _his_ way to feel settled, and had relinquished control to the other boy. He paid back the courtesy by vacuuming the floor whenever he thought about it. Alex didn’t launch into Mr. Clean mode _every_ Saturday morning, more often it was Sunday, but today he clearly wanted the room to look nice.

“You know what we need?”

“Hm?”

Alex looked up to where Michael was sitting on the bed. “A Swiffer duster. I keep just using a washcloth to dust with, and a Swiffer is faster.”

“I can’t believe that with all the consonant and vowel combinations available in English, a company decided its dusting products should be called ‘Swiffer’.” 

“It is a funny name, but that’s why you don’t forget it.” Alex tossed his used dusting cloth into the laundry basket. “All done.”

Michael dropped down off the side of the bed. “I hope you know that when we have a bigger house, I _will_ help you with cleaning.”

“I know.” He kissed Michael’s cheek. “I’ll leave the floors in the rest of the house to you, I’ll take care of the kitchen and bathrooms. And you can do dishes any time that you want.”

“That’s fair.” He tugged Alex close and kissed him. “Do you want your present now, or do we have to wait until dinner?”

“That’s an option? Yes, now!” Alex grinned when Michael laughed. “I’ve been dying to give you your present.”

“Okay, you get mine, I’ll get yours.”

Alex quickly opened the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out the tiny bag. He’d made sure there wasn’t a price tag anywhere to be found. “Fuck, I should have gotten you a card.” He turned around to see Michael holding a small box with a similar ‘oh fuck’ look on his face.

“I should have gotten you a card, baby, I totally forgot that.”

“Okay, good, we both forgot.” Alex held the bag out to his boyfriend. “You first this time, I opened Christmas presents first.”

Michael set Alex’s gift on his desk and took the bag from the boy in question. “Okay.” The bag weighed nothing, so he had to assume it was jewelry of some kind, and hoped it was something he wouldn’t have to pretend to like. _I really don’t wear jewelry, but then again, I’ve never had the opportunity._ He tugged the tissue out and a silver chain spilled into his hands. “Oh, wow.” It was...perfect. “How did you...I’ve never worn jewelry, but, this--” he met Alex’s eyes-- “This is what I would have picked for myself.” He surged forward to pull Alex into a fierce kiss. “I love it. I don’t know how to found the one chain I’d want, I’ve never really even _looked_ at jewelry for myself.”

“I looked for something that was masculine but not aggressively manly, understated, small enough to wear with any kind of shirt, that was good just as is without a pendant, and well made. I was hoping,” Alex continued, “That you’d like it enough to wear it, even if I hadn’t been the person to give it to you.”

“It’s perfect. Here, help me put it on.” 

“Okay.” Alex took the chain from Michael and had him turn around so that he could settle it at the base of his neck and fasten it. “There.”

Michael spun around. “How does it look?” _I’m wearing jewelry. From my boyfriend. Who am I?_

“It looks great, here, look in the mirror.” He steered Michael over to the closet door. “See how it falls just over the collar of your t-shirt? You can leave it like that, or--” he tucked the strand of silver under the collar-- “you can hide if you want to. If you wear a button up, it will sit on your collar bone.”

He stared at his reflection for a minute, feeling a little bit choked up. _I’m wearing jewelry, from my boyfriend, because not only am I worthy of showing off that he loves me, he picked something that I actually like, because he knows me that well. _ Tears welled in his eyes and he turned to wrap his arms around Alex and press his face against his shoulder. “Thank you, thank you so much. I love it.”

“Really?” He held Michael tight. “I’m so glad.” _I hope I can buy him gifts all the time, so he stops needing to cry every time I give him something._ “I love you so much, Michael. Happy Valentine’s day.”

After a minute or two, Michael had composed himself and could lift his head to smile at Alex. “You’re amazing, baby. Thank you.” He reached over to his desk, and handed the little box to his boyfriend. “Your turn.”

Alex took it eagerly. It wasn’t wrapped, so he just tugged the lid off. “Michael, oh my god.” He just looked at the silver bracelet for a minute. “How did you find a masculine infinity bracelet?”

“Special alien powers.”

He laughed and pressed a loving kiss to Michael’s lips. “I _love_ it. Absolutely love it.” 

“Want me to help you put it on?” When Alex gave him a teary nod, Michael took the package from him. “Here, which wrist?”

“Left,” he answered. “That way it won’t bother me when I’m writing. I don’t really want to take it off.” 

“I knew you’d cry,” Michael teased gently, fastening the chain. “I love you, Alex. Happy Valentine’s day.”

“I love you so much.” Alex wrapped his arms around Michael’s neck and kissed him. “I need a Kleenex.”

Michael laughed softly and tugged a tissue out of the box behind Alex with telekinesis. “I hope I only make you cry happy tears.”

“We’re bound to eventually have a fight. I’ll most likely cry.” He crumpled the tissue and tossed it into the trash. “But don’t think you have to pretend not to be mad at me because I might cry. I don’t want you to bottle up how to feel because you don’t want me to feel bad, that’s not healthy for either of us.”

“That’s probably something I should have in the back of my mind,” Michael admitted reluctantly. “I don’t want to hide how I’m feeling but I also don’t want to make you cry, so that conflict could happen.”

Alex nodded. “Don’t walk on eggshells around me because I cry like a fucking toddler, I need you to be honest with me when something’s bothering you. I’m sure I’ll stop crying so fucking much at some point.” He accepted a smiling kiss from his boyfriend. “I love you so much, Michael.” 

Michael pulled Alex close and swallowed him in a huge hug. “I love you too.” 

They just stood there for a little while, holding each other tight, caught up in loving each other. Eventually Michael pulled away. “Can you take my picture? I kinda wanna show my friends my present.”

“Of course, sweetheart. Run your fingers through your hair.” Alex waited why Michael arranged his curls, then framed the shot. “I have a feeling this picture is going to be my new phone wallpaper.” That made Michael smile a _beautiful_ smile, and Alex snapped the picture. “Adorable.” He held out the phone to Michael.

“How do you make me look cute? I’m not cute.”

“You’re so cute.” Alex texted the picture to his boyfriend. “Take a picture of my beautiful bracelet. I’m glad you painted my nails, they look so nice.”

Michael took Alex’s hand for a romantic picture of the bracelet. “There you go, baby.” 

“You’re the best boyfriend in the world. My life has improved exponentially since we met.”

“Mine too.” Michael pulled up his text thread with Jaime, Krista, and Jenny. “I have no idea how my three amigos are going to react to my new jewelry.”

“Hopefully they’ll think it’s more evidence of me being an overachiever of a boyfriend.”

“Yah, they were really impressed with the guitar.”

_Michael: Happy Valentine’s day amigos. Look what Alex got me._

He uploaded the picture and waited for a response. 

_Krista: Oh wow! That’s gorgeous!_

_ Jenny: Love it!_

_ Krista: Have you ever worn a necklace before?_

_ Michael: No this is the first jewelry I’ve ever had._

_ Krista: It’s great! Not too gangsta, not too girly._

_ Jenny: LOL_

_ Jaime: nice_

_ Jaime: alex has good taste for a white guy_

_ Michael: You know he’s part Navajo right?_

_ Jaime: what no _

_ Jaime: he has good taste for a non mexican_

_ Jenny: Hahahaha!_

_ Michael: He has good taste in general. He’s dating me._

_ Krista: I guess his taste is okay._

_ Michael: *eye roll emoji*_

“Full approval on the chain, baby.” He wandered over to the mirrored closet door again to look at it. “Is there a name for this kind of chain?”

“It’s a curb chain, that’s the type of link.” Alex walked up behind him and propped his chin on his shoulder, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “It looks good on you. I can picture you with it in a cowboy shirt or a plaid shirt with the top few buttons undone.”

Michael grinned. “That a picture you like, darlin’?”

Alex responded with a little growl. “Yes.”

“Are you objectifying me, Alex Manes?”

“You won’t care when I take the shirt off with my teeth.”

He laughed and turned around. “No, I will not. What did Maria say about your bracelet?”

“She and Liz haven’t responded to the group chat yet.”

“I already showed it to Maria to make sure you’d like it.”

“I _love_ it.” He framed Michael’s face and kissed him again. “I can’t think of anything better than an eternal love bracelet from my cosmic boyfriend.”

“We are so gross.”

“Utterly revolting.” 

They decided to spread the futon on the floor and make a nest to cuddle and watch _Star Trek_ for the afternoon. Their reservation was at 6:30, so they had plenty of time to relax and make themselves presentable. Michael expected Alex to fall asleep, but he was too caught up in giving his boyfriend commentary on the episodes they were watching to pass out. They were deep into _The Next Generation_ and Alex had plenty of background information about the actors and sets to share.

Around 5:00, Alex called off further episodes in favor of getting ready to go to dinner, since he wanted to look less like a slob and more like an adult. What Michael hadn’t anticipated was that Alex was going to have Maria style his hair for him. He left the room with a kiss for Michael and came back with his hair softly framing his face. 

“You look beautiful, baby.” Michael just looked at Alex for a minute, wanting to run his fingers through his hair, but not wanting to disturb the artful arrangement. “Do I want to know what witchcraft she used on you?”

Alex laughed. “She put a texturizer in it and blew it dry with a round brush.”

“I’ll pretend I know what any of that means.”

“It means my hair looks pretty,” he teased. “Lemme do my make up and get dressed.” 

“Can I have a kiss first?”

“If I have to.” Alex leaned in and kissed Michael softly. “I love you.”

“Love you too. What are you wearing?”

Alex walked to the closet and pushed things around. “I don’t know. What do you want to wear? It’s a casual restaurant, we don’t need to go overboard. I just want to look like my boyfriend asked me to dinner and I dressed up for it.”

Michael chuckled softly and wrapped his arms around Alex from behind. _I can’t keep my hands off him today._ “I wanna look nice too, since it’s Valentine’s day _and_ it’s a date.”

“Hmm.” Alex pulled out a velvet button up shirt in a dark color that was almost black, but still somehow purple. Or maybe red. Michael wasn’t sure. “With black black jeans?”

“For you or me?” Michael asked, skeptical.

“For me,” Alex laughed. “I can’t imagine putting you in a velvet shirt. Do you want to wear the green sweater?”

He perked up at that. “Yes, that’s something nice of yours that’s not ridiculous.”

“Shut up.” He got the sweater out and handed it to Michael. “Green looks so nice on you. Don’t wear a t-shirt under it and your chain will show.”

“Oh, okay. Should I wear black jeans or would we match too much?”

“Wear those dark wash jeans that make your ass look fantastic.”

Michael laughed. “Okay. I wish I had more shoes.”

“Your shoes are perfectly fine. If we wore the same size I’d offer some of mine.”

“I can survive without wearing your combat boots or one of your twenty pairs of Chucks.”

“Hey, I’m wearing these perfectly normal shoes tonight.” Alex held out the black oxford style shoes that somehow were still edgy. 

“How did you make such normal looking shoes emo?”

“Shut up.”

Even though it wasn’t snowing or raining, it _was_ uncomfortably cold, and both Michael and Alex were happy when they got into the warmth of the restaurant. “I hope the girls wore coats.”

“Yah,” Michael agreed. He’d seen Maria’s dress, it wasn’t going to hold in a lot of body heat. “I still need to get my own coat.”

“I like that you wear my coat,” Alex countered. “It makes me feel like I’m taking care of you even though I can’t really take care of myself.”

Michael reached across the table and covered Alex’s hand. “Then I’ll keep wearing it. You take care of me all the time, baby. No one has ever cuddled me after a nightmare, and you do it a couple times a month.”

“You take care of me, too, Michael.” He turned his hand over and squeezed Michael’s. “I love you so much. Thank you for always cuddling _me_ after a nightmare.”

“We need to find other ways to bond besides night terrors from our abusive childhoods.”

Alex laughed softly. “We’re doing that now, by making memories together. Now we can bond over our romantic Valentine’s day gifts and going out to dinner like we’re real grown ups or something.”

Michael shook his head. “I don’t think we’ll be real grown ups until we have our own place and jobs.” 

“I think having a car will help. It’ll be nice to have my own car someday.”

“Definitely a luxury I don’t take for granted.”

They enjoyed dinner, ordering things they hadn’t tried the last time and discovering that octopus was a hard no for both of them. The restaurant was busy and Alex didn’t feel comfortable being overly affectionate, which Michael understood. There were a lot of couples there, but no other obviously queer couples, and a table full of single young guys that Air Force hair cuts. It was a sad fact that if they wanted their evening to remain drama free, they had to avoid drawing attention from the dude bro table.

Alex sat in the middle seat on the drive home, head on Michael’s shoulder. Michael vowed to keep the truck running until the end of time so that Alex would keep doing that; it completely melted his heart. “I love you, Alex. So much.”

Turning his head a little to kiss Michael’s cheek, Alex answered, “I love you too. Happy Valentine’s day, sweetheart.”

The hall was quiet when they got back to the dorms, and they slipped into room 214 without having to talk to anyone. Without really talking about it, they slowly undressed each other, carefully stroking fingers over skin, and tumbled down onto the futon still spread on the floor. They told each other what they needed without words, and before Michael fell asleep in Alex’s arms, he wondered if people might actually have souls -- because it felt like Alex was cradling him and keeping him safe from somewhere in the vicinity of his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, peeps, I had to give the boys their first Valentine's day, but it was hard, because I'm so ready for them to go to Roswell and have a pod squad reunion! SOME ACTUAL PLOT! What do you think of the boys' gifts for each other? I had to really reach to figure out what to get, I hope they seemed realistic. SO. Next chapter: spring break! 
> 
> Chapter title: My Funny Valentine - Carly Simon


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